 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, he doesn't value you. Let's change that. All right really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. If you like this video please smash that like button so more people see it in their queue. All right let's talk about men, we'll talk about valuing when you don't feel valued in a relationship. So this is a really important topic on so many different levels and let's just get real for a moment. Dating is a cluster F out there. Okay I didn't say the F word, I said the F letter but it's a mess out there and I can understand why it's so frustrating for so many people. So let's just get real and say it feels incredibly dysfunctional and one of the primary reasons for that is a lack of valuing another person. Truly valuing another person and there's this misconception that a lot of you have been indoctrinated this especially when it comes to understanding men that men value what they earn. Let me repeat that men value what they earn and so I keep thinking and I literally want to stick my finger down my throat because that is so not true as human beings we don't value what we earn and let's face it you know like you know let's say you drive a nice car but you want a nicer car and then you get that nicer car and all of a sudden you want a nicer car from that. So you could have worked really hard to get you know you had this two-door beat-up car and you're driving this sports car and all of a sudden yeah I value it but then you want the next best thing and the next best thing. So the reality is is whether it's a man or woman it's not a function of earning it that's not what we value and I know many of you feel frustrated especially when it comes to understanding men because men give such mixed signals they operate in such chaotic behavior. Now if you follow my work you know I'm a big proponent for helping everyone understand childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas and why this is so significantly important is because of our childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that if they go unaddressed if they go unaddressed it makes it very problematic to be in relationship. This is why when I lost my 19 year old son Connor and if you're watching this for the first time that's him right there when I lost my son I did a deep dive into love because I chose not to grieve through suffering I wanted to grieve through love and it inspired me to write my second book called what the heck is self love anyway which is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work. Now I'm going to get to my point in a second here so hold tight okay by the way there's a link to all the books I recommend here and those who do watch my channel know I talk about this frequently because if you want to feel valued in a relationship first you have to value and love on yourself that goes without saying anyone we get that okay we have to fill our own love cup but does that mean that it's overflowing with love that we're going to feel love from someone else absolutely you don't need to fully heal all your childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas just so long as you're doing some work to heal and you're choosing people that are doing the same now I want to shift the narrative to tell you what it takes for someone to value you and ultimately it boils down to this one thing at least from my perspective anyway and I'd like to hear your thoughts please post a comment if this resonates with you or not don't forget to hit that like button and I want to hear your comments please post a question as well here's the bottom line we value what we appreciate let me repeat that we value what we appreciate and so often the dating the dating process is so chaotic and there's this grand expectation that men are the leaders of the relationship and they know exactly what they're doing and ladies I'm telling you most men not all are relatively clueless this is why I'm such a big proponent that you are the emotional leaders of the relationship so if you want to shift the narrative of this idea that we value what we earn because let's get real once we have earned sex you know why do women always complain men don't romance me anymore they don't do anything anymore because yes we earn the sex it's after that that matters most and it's about appreciating this following how do you make love all the time how do you make love all the time and I don't mean sexual love I'm talking about emotional love and this is why I highly recommend if you want to feel appreciated in your relationship then you must must must read this book by Barbara DeAngelo is called how to make love all the time how to make love all the time this is going to teach you how to get him to appreciate you because you guys will be doing a deep dive into love because ultimately love is what we value we want to feel good in a relationship we want to feel nurtured we want to feel safe we want to feel grounded we want to feel appreciated we want to feel accepted how do we make that happen it starts by learning how to make love all the time and so look I'm gonna put look at I'm there's some great chapters in this book you know chapters like how to use this technique to make love work the duplicate technique the love letter technique the power process you know my ex-girlfriend and I used to do gratitude every night before we went to bed we'd recite five things we were most grateful for about grateful for about each other and it is through gratitude it is through appreciation that we genuinely value another human being it's not based on earning it is this sinking in this whole narrative about we have to men once they earn it they're going to value you it's just such a crock of you know the s-word I said all right I think you're getting a gist of where I'm going okay and if you don't if you feel as though it's more important that the man lead the relationship I'm okay with that I'm totally okay with that I want to encourage you to be the emotional leaders of the relationship read this book learn how to make love all the time with your partner and tell me if it works okay have you read this book please post a comment below I'd like to hear about it does this resonate with you please hit that like button if it does and if you think that I could help you in your love life then check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you because that's my area of expertise teaching you how to vet for emotionally available men all right your big brother is talking I hope he's provided value for you today I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic shot the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pat or a teddy bear or a pillow here's my teddy bear and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now