 The Craft Foods Company, makers of Parquet Margarine, present Willard Waterman as the great yield-as-lead! This is brought to you, transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. There's wonderful eating in every pound of Crafts Parquet Margarine. You'll like Parquet because it always tastes so fresh and appetizing, because it spreads smoothly even when ice cold. And now Craft has more good news for you. With every package of Parquet you buy, you can order a pair of famous Powers model nylon stockings at half price. I'll have more to tell you later about this sensational offer by Parquet Margarine. Great yield-as-lead just naturally gravitates to the town's most eligible girls. It's perhaps unfortunate in a way that right now he likes Miss Irene Henshaw, the school principal, who always has to get home from her dates quite early. Oh, Irene, it's only 11 o'clock. You have to go in now. Throckmorton, you seem to forget that I have to be bright and smiling when I greet my students in the morning. Well, don't you want to practice being bright and smiling on me tonight? Say for another hour? I'm sorry. 30 minutes? 15? I won't be tempted. I owe it to the school and city to give my best. Well, you owe something to me too. I do. I'm one of the city tax payers. It doesn't hurt to stay on the good side of us tax payers. Well, I can't stay up with every taxpayer. Good night. Don't go yet, Irene. Throckmorton, I don't want to stand out here under the porch light. Well, let's turn it off. You're unusually playful this evening. You bet. But I have to go in. Yeah, wait a minute. There are a lot of things I haven't asked you. Like what? Well, how's Leroy doing in school? You're stalling. It looks like I'm stalled. Good night. Irene? Yes, lover boy. Lover boy. Oh, I made a mistake there. What is it, Throckmorton? Well, I just checked my watch under the light and it isn't 11 o'clock at all. It's 10. See? I saw you reset your watch. You did, huh? My watch says 11. Oh? My time is not your time. Good night. Good night, Irene. I hate clocks. I'm in her schedules. I didn't want to come home and go to bed. Oh, well. Well, I'll put up the window and turn in anyway. Look out there. Another light on in town. A little light for a live wire like me. Ew. Yeah. Darn bed's always so lumpy when you're not sleeping. I guess I'll read a while. What's this article? Around the world in the year and a half. A year and a half. Oh, he went in a sailboat. Say, he looks a little like Alan Ladd. You go, hey, George, this fellow knows how to live. He just takes off when he likes, stops at any port he wants to, leaves when he wants to. He's his own boss. Uh-oh. 11.30 and I have to be up at 7. He better set the alarm and turn off the light. Ew. Looks like I live by the clock and other people's schedules. It's 7 in the morning. The alarm will go off. I'll have to rise and shine. At 8, Birdie will have breakfast on the table and expect me to be there. Yeah, I can hear now. Same thing every morning. Yeah, she is. And at 8.45, Leroy's on my back. I remember to have time to finish my third cup of coffee. So I hurry and take him because I've got to be at the office by 9 o'clock anyway. And when the 12 o'clock whistle blows, I jump because I've got to be back from lunch by one. And then I go home at 5.30 because I have to eat dinner at 6. And at 11 p.m., it's the same old story. Good night. Well, starting tomorrow, things are going to be different. I'm not going to live on a schedule. I'll start by turning off this confounded alarm clock and sleeping as late as I want. Tomorrow the sun will rise on the new gilder sleeve. But I won't be there. I'll be in bed. Aren't you? My boy, I'm not getting up this morning. Cool. No? You're kidding. No, I'm not. When I was your age, I walked four miles to school. It didn't get hurt you to walk four blocks. You walked four miles twice a day? Well, sometimes I rode a horse. Okay, get me a horse. That's not the idea. Hand me my robe and slippers, Leroy. This calls for a meeting. Oh, for corn's sake. Leroy. Okay, we'll have a meeting. Who are we meeting about? You'll find out. Follow me. Okay, okay. Good morning. Excuse me. Didn't your alarm clock go off? I wouldn't let it. Come again? Out of the bed this morning. No, I didn't. I didn't mean to get up at all. You ain't gonna dress at all, sir? I may not even go to the office. No, sir. Well, anyway, your breakfast is ready. Yeah, that's very nice, Bertie. But I don't even want my breakfast right now. Yes. Why are you off your feet, um, break up with your girl? Don't be ridiculous, Leroy. It's just that I'm changing my way of living. I'm not going to operate on other people's schedules. Yes. You want to tell us about it while you eat your breakfast before it gets cold? That's one of the points I want to discuss. From now on, don't prepare breakfast promptly at eight o'clock and expect me to be here. No. Just yell for me, Bertie. I'll eat when it's ready. Well, mine doesn't have to be ready until I'm ready. Yes. So just don't call me unless I leave work. Yes. And it was pretty noisy this morning. I think we can all be more quiet around here. Yes. I'll get it. Bertie, let it ring. Let me answer it. I'd like to get out of this meeting anyway. It doesn't have to be answered, Leroy. Let it alone. Okay. It might be the mayor. Well, what if it is the mayor? You feel all right, un... I never felt better. You don't have to answer a phone just because it's ringing. There you see? Whoever was calling hung up. Well, he will hang up. Yes. So that's why I got up this morning to put everybody on notice. All my life, I've lived by the clock, conformed the convention, done everything exactly like everybody else does. But from now on, I'm not going to live that way. Any objections? Bertie? No, sir. Leroy? Heck, no. Let's all do what we please. I don't think I'll go to school. Yes, you will, young man. But you said a guy should do what he wants. This is my idea. You live like you've been living. Okay. Now you're going back to bed? No. Now I want my breakfast. What a character. This is a fine decision I made. Yeah, I feel better already. You'd pay to be an individualist, and I'm a rugged one. Get off the sidewalk, tin can! Now, shall I go to the office six hours late or stop in at PB's and maybe not go to the office at all? Well, I'd rather go to PB's. Oh, PB. Yeah, I don't think you understand. What can I do for you? Yeah, I just feel like visiting with you, PB. Very well. How are things at the water department today? I can't answer that. I haven't been to the office today. Marriott Town? Yeah, I don't know. He could be in my office waiting for me for all I know. You stay very much longer, and he probably will be. PB, too many people are afraid of their jobs. Afraid of life. Afraid to live. You don't change. Yeah, you take you. And I don't take me. I'm not afraid of my job. I own the store. Well, yes, but I'm not afraid of life. The only thing I'm afraid of is Mrs. PB. I'm not joking. Yeah, who is? Well, I've decided from now on to change my way of living. Give me a book of matches, PB. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I got a fresh box of your favorite cigars. Maybe I better take them along. Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. Why should I smoke those cigars? I've been wondering that myself, but you won't pay over six cents a piece. What I mean is why should I smoke cigars at all just because I've been smoking them? Why don't I smoke a pipe? One reason is I've already ordered these cheap cigars for you. You can always sell them to somebody else. No, no, I wouldn't say that. PB, you're fighting change. You insist on doing what we've always done. Well, not everything. Change is fundamental to life. And I'm going to live. I don't know how long I'd live if I tried that around the house. But I do admire you for blazing a new trail, Mr. Gillis, please. Thank you, PB. Not many men would have the nerve to do what you're doing. I'm here to tell you. Well, I feel pretty good about it. I made a few changes in the routine at home this morning, and I don't mind saying I'm looked upon with a certain admiration. That's a change, I guess. You bet. Say, there's Irene coming across the street. Yeah, I've been watching her. I'm going to make some changes in her schedule, too. No, I wouldn't change much about her. Well, we've always had dates according to her school timetable. From now on, I'm going to call a few extra recesses. Hello, Mr. Peasey. Hello, Miss Henshaw. Oh, hello. It's Rockmore. Hello, Irene. I'm surprised to find you here. And the mayor would be, too. I haven't been to the office today, Irene. What a soft job. He hasn't even been to the office, and here I am on my way home from school. Well, I believe in doing things when I feel like. I'll get my work done when I'm in the mood. What is this, a new declaration of independence? Sounds like the battle of Bo Run, you mean. Well, I don't mind admitting I'm pretty independent. It's right now. I'm in the mood to take you out tonight, Irene. But, Rockmore, and we were out last night. Well, if you call saying goodnight at 11 o'clock being out, it would be to me. I'm at the bed at 9.30. How about a date tonight, Irene? You know the school principal shouldn't go out every night. It just isn't done. Just isn't done. A lot of things aren't done until you do them. Excuse me, Rockmorton. Mr. P.V., I'd like this magazine, please. Oh, man, man. You know, Irene, I can't see why you don't go out if you want to. Looks like she prefers your magazine. Break out of your shell, girl. Rockmorton, what's come over you? I'm just being myself. Oh? And if I'd been myself last night, you wouldn't have gotten rid of me at 11 o'clock. Well, from now on, I'll be myself, too. Great. I'm going to get rid of you at 4.30 in the morning. This afternoon is 4.30 now. Bye. But, Irene, P.V., this isn't funny. You laugh at what you think's funny, and I'll laugh at you. The great Gilda Sleeve will be back in just a minute. How would you like to get a beautiful wardrobe of nylon stockings at half price? Craft makes this remarkable offer to urge you to serve parquet, the wonderful margarine that spreads smoothly even when ice cold. Every time you buy delicious parquet margarine, you can order a pair of nylon stockings at half price. Luxurious first quality powers model nylons. The kind that were designed for America's famous cover girls. 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He's still defying the routine way of doing things and that's why we find him at his office in the middle of the night. Right George, this is the way to work. I get more done when there aren't a lot of people around to bother me. I can really concentrate. I wonder what Irene is doing. They say she's asleep following a schedule. That's the way she wants to live. It's a good thing I found it out. Hey, midnight. It's all knock off. No, no, I don't want to go home yet. I feel devilish. Wasn't so late. I'd call up somebody. You in a minute. Why shouldn't I call somebody? I wonder what ever happened to that cute little Mae Kelly that travel agency. Yeah, there's a girl who makes you want to travel. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And this is the night for adventure. What? Yeah, I mean, hello there. This is Doc Martin. How are you? This is a little late. Hope I didn't awaken you. Oh, you're gonna sleep? Good. Me too. How'd you like to uncurl and go somewhere? Tonight? If it isn't too late. Oh, I'd love to. Well, I didn't know how you'd feel about going out at this hour. It's something different, you know. I'll be right over. Good night. Yeah, I have a date. Tonight? Yep. You got a girl on the swing shift? No reason why a man shouldn't shave and go out after midnight if he wants to. No, I've seen everything. You better trot on to bed, my boy. Pretty. Go back to bed. Doc Martin. Hey, you really were ready. Oh, I didn't want to miss a moment of this evening. But you're two minutes late. Come on, let's go. Well, I was told to shave. Like your lotion. It's jungle boy. Expensive, but worth it. Oh, it's marvelous. Because if I'm just going to the office, I use Bayram. That's right. You saved this for me. You bet. So let me open the car door for you. Oh, thank you. Hope it didn't awaken anyone. We're being so quiet, one would think we were eloping. Let them think what they want to think. I have decided to do that. I'd be snoring by this time. Are you comfortable, May? Oh, well, I wish I'd brought a heavier wrap. I didn't realize it's so cold out. Oh. I hope you don't mind my sitting closer to you. Indeed. Where we go? Oh, why don't we just point the car out of town and drift in the moonlight? Let's start drifting. Right, George, I didn't know what I was missing, but I can always catch up. Countries are beautiful at Night's Rock, Morton. Ehh, look at this pedometer. We've come 35 miles already. We certainly haven't had any traffic problems. Oh, this is the way to go places, May. Get away from the stream of life. I made up my mind today not to follow the crowd any longer. I don't like crowds either. You know, I always said I don't want a big wedding. You know, I don't blame you. Well, I do everything the way everybody else does. The heck was schedules and routine. I didn't even go to the office today. Didn't know where tonight when I felt like it. When I called you at midnight when I felt like it. I'm glad you felt like it. May, you're my kind of gal. I guess we are kindred spirits. Yeah. I didn't want to go to the travel agency today. I'm afraid I've lost interest in travel. No, not me. I may get a sailboat someday and go around the world. Oh, that would be fun, especially on a honeymoon. Yeah, that would add to it. We sure are a lot alike, aren't we? Impulsive, romantic, willing to meet life head on. Full tilt. Oh, Strathmore, isn't this a cute little town we're coming to? Yeah, you know what that sign say? Minneville. Population 762. Oh, look at the white picket fences gleam in the moonlight. And don't you just love the way the trees join hands to form an archway over the street? Yeah, and nature knew what she was doing. Right, George. Look at that little white church over there in the corner. Oh, isn't it, darling? It's a good thing that church is closed, but I might suggest something impetuous. Strathmorton? Yeah. What does that little sign say on the other corner? Justice of the peace? They never close. Well. Shall we stop? It may be better ride around the block. Don't want to disturb anybody who's really sleeping. Uh-huh. Pull over to the curb. But, May, you turned off the ignition. Love, May. Oh, Strathmorton, let's obey that impulse. When you called me at midnight, we were being drawn together by an impelling force. True, but let's talk about it. If we talk about it, the magic will be gone. May, what are you doing? Getting out of the car. Are you coming? But we don't have a license. I'll bet the justice can arrange it. There's no lights on. He's probably not home. Oh, Strathmorton, I'm surprised at you. Right. A moment ago, you said you wanted to live. But you don't, really. You're afraid of life. Oh, no, I'm not. Come on, May. Up on the porch. Oh, Strathmorton, oh, isn't this thrilling? Yeah, I guess a man doesn't realize how thrilling it is until it's all over with. So let's get it over with. Just a minute. Won't everybody be surprised when we come back to Summerfield's marriage? Well, I warned everybody. I was changing my way of life. Yes, who is it? Are you the justice of the piece? Yes, what do you want? As if I didn't know. Well, tell him, Strathmorton. Well, she, I mean, we want to get married. Oh, everybody thinks they can ring my bell in the middle of the night and get married. Well, sorry if we disturb you. Oh, I guess you expect me to roll out the red carpet and get my wife, Tilly, out of bed to be a witness? You will. But I'd never choose irritable the next day. And I have to put up with her. Well, you love it of his. Go scooting on down the road. Well, but couldn't you make an exception? Just this one lady? I don't believe in tying knots in the middle of the night. Just because a couple of people are at loose ends. Well, you see now most couples come to the justice under the cover of darkness because they haven't fought it over in the cold light of day. Well, your honor, I keep regular office hours. There's a time and a place for everything. Moderation in all things. Dag, no, but I maintain a schedule. So if you want to get married, come back at nine o'clock in the morning. Shall we come back, Drock Morton? Not me. I have to be at the office at nine. I maintain a schedule. We'll be with us again in just 30 seconds. Next time you're shopping, pick up a pound of Kraft's Parquet Marcheron. On the package, you'll see a truly remarkable offer. A chance to get famous powers model nylon stockings at half price. They're 51 gauge, 15-engineer nylons and guaranteed first quality. And you can get them for just 75 cents with the yellow end flap from a Parquet package. Get Parquet tomorrow. It's the delicious margarine that spreads smoothly even when ice cold. Kraft's Parquet. It's a good thing that Justice of the Peace in Minneville is a stickler for schedules. Or I wouldn't be calling on Irene tonight. That May Kelly almost had me hooked. Oh, hello, Drock Morton. Irene, it's good to see you. You don't know how good it is. Well, what brings this on? Yeah, nothing special. But I was just thinking what a grand girl you are to have for my friend. You're a real pal. I feel so, so safe with you. Thanks, pal. Well, what I mean is we keep our lives so simple and uncomplicated. Here, well, we do tonight. Go to an early movie. Well, it's such a lovely night. I thought we might take a long drive. A long drive? Up, say, as far as Minneville. Minneville, good night, folks. There are two kinds of delicious craft prepared mustard. Mild craft mustard, so smooth and delicately spiced, and craft mustard with snappy horseradish added. And whichever you prefer, remember, when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Try it on cold sandwiches, hamburgers, frankfurters, and cold cuts. Enjoy the wonderful sauces you can make for hot meat and vegetable courses with craft prepared mustard. Keep both kinds on hand and keep the whole family happy. Get mild craft mustard and craft mustard with snappy horseradish added at your favorite food store. Now play You Bet Your Life with Groucho on the NBC Radio Network.