 Pat Novak for hire that's what the sign out in front of my office says Pat Novak for hire Down on the waterfront in San Francisco Billing doesn't mean much Everybody's got the same act. They're all out to turn a fast buck when you're in business down here everything But murder is a parlor trick Once in a while your eyelids get sore from winking it too much, but it's a living You get to meet the best people in town There's only one hooker you'll have to wake up some morning dead Because around the waterfront you don't need a union card for trouble It sneaks up and pause you like a wet ghost I Found that out when I met Bruno's wife. I Closed up early Tuesday night and I went home to catch up on last month's sleep. I Don't know how long I was in bed Must have been about 11 when I woke up The room was dark and as stale as last year's Christmas candy. I had that goofy feeling that Somebody was in the room with me. I Was breathing kind of hard and I stopped to have a listen Somebody was sitting on my bed either that or the landlord had put in a neck. Oh, I listened again Hello Novak, you're mixed up friend. I pay the rent here get your hands away from the light Novak Just be a good boy and you can collect your old-age pension. Oh look I'm not crazy about waking up with strangers sitting on my bed Especially if they got baritone voices and I'll say your peace and beat it. Don't get jumpy mister When your eyes get used to the dark you're gonna see a gun about the foot away from your nostrils. I Want the keys to your boat Novak get them in the morning at 25 bucks a smell. I want them now Just tell me where they are. I'll do the rest. Don't get big hearted I Don't want cheddar and cocktails. I want those keys Unless you want your face to look like a rump roast you'll start talking The keys are in the bottom drawer of the desk. That's the boy you get it back by noon tomorrow Is the boat keys? two of them are The rest open the front door of the u.s. Mint. Sorry. I can't stay around Novak. He's selling like a card Sleep tight Novak. This will have to do for a lullaby He didn't even give me time to pick a dream I Stretched out on the floor as dead as a Philadelphia nightclub. I Don't know how long I stayed out of the ballgame Must have been a couple of hours because when the phone rang it was past midnight. I Reached over to pick it up But my hands were as steady as a maple leaf in a hurricane and my head was big enough to sell with a pound I Finally found it in the dark and started talking Hello Sure It's a sedative. What's on your mind one of your boats just Guess what? I don't have to it smashed up and you want to offer me 50 bucks salvage That's right. No back. You're psychic. I'm a patsy. You mean Some guns will bar the boat a couple of hours ago came in here told me a bedtime story and took the keys You better hop right down here. It'll keep Joe. No, I won't hurry up or you'll run at that heat with homicide There's that that guy in the boat. It must be my playmate. I Don't know I didn't say but you better grab a cabin get on down here There's gonna be a lot of questions sure if you meet any good answers save a couple for me From now on there was no waste motion. I knew that if homicide was on the case that meant Inspector Hellman He's a real nice guy if you like his type. I Had to do something soon if I didn't I'd have about as much chance as a pound of liver at a cat show So I jumped into some clothes and I was starting out of the apartment when I missed my wallet The keys were attached and that gunsled had taken the whole works. I Began to get mad for 70 bucks. You can get a scotch hangover instead of the kind I had And if you're lucky a couple of good memories So when I drew up at pier 19, it didn't look like the sunny side of the street Joe Powers was waiting for me You got the first round that's a homicide hasn't showed yet full of luck tonight. Where's the boat? All right over here Lots of fog tonight on Joe. You're walking on it Well, that is How's your insurance patsy? All right except I'm not carrying any on that dead guy. Who is he Joe? I don't know. He's your passenger you roll him. All right. Give me a hand. No push him over on the other side Well, you're so I can get in the pocket. He's the same guy that took the keys. I don't know if he is he never looked lovelier Nothing in this pocket This one's empty except for a comb He sure spent my 70 bucks in a hurry must have thrown in the wallet for a nightcap No identification we should have bought a scorecard Hey Hey here on the floor. It's a key. Let me see that Joe Room 425 Royal Arms Hotel. Where is it? That's a dive down on Turk Street Well, say hello to homicide for me. Oh, you're not bright tonight. No back I'm not gonna stay around here. They'll pick me up faster than a gin fizz. What am I gonna tell them anything? You like Joe shift into freewheeling and let them follow, but I'm not gonna hang around for a pinch I'm one boat and 70 bucks short. Tell it to homicide. I don't like manual labor that much. See you later I started for the Royal Arms Hotel and on the way I picked up the only honest guy I know a bottle baby by the name of Jaco Madigan He's a good man except he thinks it's a waste of the taxpayers money to put alcohol and torpedoes. I Halled him out of the hunt room bar and we walked down the street to the Royal Arms Hotel It was the perfect spot for a missionary the lobby looked like the first act of rain There was a pinball machine in one corner a couple of last year's girls in this year's slacks and a blurry-eyed little night clerk It looked like a well-groomed laundry bag. He gave us the fish eye as we started upstairs Groom 425 was down at the end of the hall Chocolate in care if we ever got there Patsy we have no business coming up here. We're in search of fools gold or in search of my 70 bucks Exactly. I view you as my penance patsy the sackcloth for a misspent life If you can shake off that buzz you'll find out I'm in trouble You'll always be in trouble because you're a patsy and you're dangerous because you move in the twilight zone between good and evil without any predisposition toward either one. Yeah, all right. Here it is 425 Nobody home. Let's go in. It's house breaking now. Look Chaco. I want my 70 bucks. I'm going in Patsy sometimes you terrify me. I think you'd pick the lock to the gates of heaven I would if they had my 70 bucks. Come on a guy's dead down in my boat. We won't hurt his feelings We'll just snows around a minute and get up There was a pretty room if you like dead women on your rugs She was stretched out in a pale yellow dressing gown as quiet as an April morning and twice as pretty A dull red scar ran across her temple where somebody had laid an iron shovel She didn't belong in this hotel because she was wearing a necklace and a bracelet that left a gap in somebody's pocket And from the ringside she looked all right Chaco noticed it too. She has lots of character. Yeah, but where's my 70 bucks? She's a nightclub dancer. How do you know her pictures plastered all over the wall there She's the headliner at El Palatel miss Rita Malloy Wonder who the guy on the desk is there boyfriend probably let's get out of here Patsy I'm in a how about that dead guy in the boat? Where does he fit in? Listen to that one Novak. Oh, Helman. What happened to the girl? She died laughing at you. It's Rita Malloy a piece of change from the El Palatel Got a hat Novak. No, then you're all ready. Come on. I'll get your brain line up and look at her She's been dead a couple of hours. You're still eligible Novak on your way down. You can explain that guy up here 19 Oh, you can't be that dumb Helman. I'm smart enough to see you peeking over the eight ball You look like a tender one-shot Novak and I got my money on you all the way If you're gonna make this thing add up you can't do it alone. I'll try. Well, that's what Furpo said So I don't look good on this one. I'll look worse if I leave it up to you You couldn't find a hang nail if you knew what hand it was on you got 24 hours Novak I'm gonna piece things together and then I'm gonna make a pinch pick out a soft spot. Yeah. Yeah Stay near the phone. If it rings and a man answers that'll be homicide. Good night Hellman was right. I looked like a sure bet for the rotor-grover section. I Was beginning to run out of silver linings and I knew it. I Didn't have an answer for anything The guy in the boat was still a stranger and Rita Malloy was still dead. I Was sitting in the middle of a high-stake game with a pair of trays When we left the hotel room, I had the funny feeling that there was something wrong back there I Didn't know what I just knew there was something wrong the way you feel when you pick up the wrong hat and put it on The position of the body those pictures on the desk. I didn't know but there was one detail. It didn't set, right? Well, I told Jaco to hang around headquarters and I started for the El Palateo Was like all the rest a little melancholy bar on Mason a firetrap with a cover charge The decor looked like early Franco. The floor show was on as I fought my way up to the bar Excuse me, please. I'm sorry lady Can I get through here, please? How about a drink? What do you want Scotch soda water water? You got a nice club here 80 cents too bad about Rita Malloy You don't seem heartbroken about it. I'm not a mother 80 cents Guys crying in his beer about Rita Malloy. Oh How many Ryan? You own the club a piece of it. My name is Novak. Call me Patsy at the moment The police think I killed Rita Malloy when you go on trial mr. Novak I don't that's why I came down here to find out which one of your people killed her I see she was mixed up to her ears with some thick hoodlum you mr. Novak No, a guy right out of your set he came rolling in with the tide this morning playing rigor mortis all over my boat Look Novak, you better go see someone else to tell you troubles, too I'm a busy man. Well, so am I getting out of a murder rap. You knew her Ryan In fact, I got an idea you knew her pretty well Let's not talk that way about the dead your picture splattered all over her apartment. Were you engaged to her? That's one way of putting it. You better have a big fat alibi ready for tonight. Homicide's gonna think you killed her I'm betting on you for the finals Novak. I don't need an alibi. She was a friend of mine That's why you need one people just hate their enemies, but they kill their friends You better stay out of the public library Patsy. You're not smart enough to understand epigrams I'm smart enough to find out where you were from 10 o'clock until midnight. Go ahead Circle around the club, but keep a drink in your hand. We won for profit I didn't get much out of the doorman. He wanted a first mortgage to talk, but one of the bus boys opened up He told me that Ryan and the girl had brawl the night before Also that Ryan left the club for about an hour tonight Now I put him on the list anyway But it began to look more and more like a one-horse race I Like got one other lead a clarinet player in the band wanted to harmonize with Rita Malloy, but There wasn't much else to go on And then I spotted the gal who had taken Rita Malloy's job in the show She was just finishing her number and so I followed her back to a dressing room And she opened the door I got a nice warm feeling like a melted cheese sandwich and I was looking around for a rope to hang on She was pretty When she said hello, you knew it was time to send in the varsity Good evening for some people you mind if I come in it's late in the season. I can't be choosing I'm Pat Novak. I'm Tony Drake. What do I do tremble talk mostly? Did you know Rita Malloy around here? That was an occupational hazard the police think I killed her Did you know when I got there they were tearing down the goalposts too bad I'd have been very grateful Something I'd like to try are you switching the topic Mr. Novak or have I been in the big city too long? I just want to know who killed her you got any ideas. Nope. How about your boss? Maybe she was getting a little frayed around the edges. How's his temper? No worse than a cobra's He might have done it, but I doubt it Anybody else? It was putting in a little overtime with a thug not a big porky guy with a deep voice I never saw him. I just heard that he was trying Must have been quite a line Anybody else? How about that clarinet player? No play. He was just a salmon swimming upstream. I See don't do me a favor. Will you Tony? All right You only get one so make it a good one They're tailoring me for a trip over the hill unless I show up with a fistful of answers Now can you give me a list of all our Rita Malloy's friends? I can write them all down on a piece of confetti I mean everybody close to her the people around the club here the people on the outside I'll pick it up in a half hour. It's your apartment At my apartment? Yeah, it's your apartment. All right. Don't get sore I was just inquiring not complaining. All right. One other thing angel. Yes, patsy. Don't forget to put yourself on that list be seeing you Well, it was good to get out of there when she started walking towards you You felt like a shovel full of scrap iron and a Pittsburgh blast furnace But I called up jocco at headquarters. He didn't seem to be worried about me. He was thirsty The guy on the boat hadn't been identified yet The coroner said he died of severe bruises and that Rita Malloy checked out with a fractured skull I gave jocco tony drake's number and I started for her apartment I couldn't have done better with a laden's lamp. She had the list and a bottle on hand I went over the list with her and then it turned out she had insomnia The radio was turned down to room temperature I was working on my fifth drink when the phone rang Let it ring patsy I better get it, baby. I think you're a sissy. No prison power wouldn't look good on me Hello Yeah, are you busy? Oh depends on your point of view. What's up? I'm not tearing you away from that list of suspects. Let's have it jocco Uh, they just identified the dead guy on your boat. His name is bruno swiss He's wanted in miami florida. He's a hired gunman. Good now jump over and see paul stangle at the conical morgue. I already have There's no tie up between bruno swiss and Rita Malloy There's gotta be those two killings are tied up like ham and eggs Helman just got a report from the harbor patrol They found a boy knocked out of your boat did it and bruno got killed in the crash What does that do to things? That fires them enormously. This way you're going to hang for only one murder. Good night lover I knew jocco was right Helman could rig me as long as he had only one case to work on. He's a single celled animal and this was just about big enough to fit into his brain Well, I left Tony's apartment and I walked over to the al palatel Must have been about four o'clock in the morning. It was still dark enough for me to kick in a back window without being seen I headed straight for mani ryan's office and I started going through his stuff It was like trying to separate a ton of salt and sugar dumped in the same bin I went through most of the drawers and then the last one. I got ahold of something I grabbed the phone on ryan's desk and I called helman. I wasn't sure but I figured he could try this one on for size anyway Give me helman and homicide They must have put their best men on his trail because they found him inside a half hour Hello Novak. I'm in mani ryan's office. He owns the al palatel. I just rifled his desk It's a minor offense for you I got ahold of last month's phone bill. Guess what? It's too high The office put through two calls to key west florida the last part of this month Bruno's vice hired out as a gunman san francisco is a long way from home plate That means somebody sent for him and you're trying to put the finger on mani ryan That's right. That's silver frame. You picked up it. Read him alloys. Take a look at the guy in it That's her boyfriend mani ryan. We'll check on it in the meantime. Keep squirming Novak. You look pretty You're smooth helman smart talk. It's not going to keep you out of the chair Novak stay handy We've only got a short extension cord yellow Hello helman. Hello lupos Frank is jaco madigan there Good put him on, huh Hello, jaco. Now listen. I'm up at mani ryan's place. Yeah, that's right. I'm not sure but I think that ryan's the My head must have looked like a jackpot. Everybody in town was hitting it I rolled over and played dead for about five hours. It feels better when you've had a dress rehearsal I woke up in my apartment. The sun was streaming through the window and hit the bed I looked like the muslin counter after a sale. It turned out. I was the host and didn't know it Jaco was sitting at the table having breakfast The bottle was almost half shot Good morning. How's the other world? Can't you leave that stuff alone? Do you have a headache? Of course I have a headache. Well, I haven't so stop lecturing me How'd I get up here? I dragged you here by the heels. I met all the other hucksters on the way All right, stop being funny and help me up, huh? I am the victim of a common error You don't like me because I'm not entertaining when I drink. You don't object to my drinking You object to my lack of wit. Oh, shut up. Well, it's discouraging to be condemned on moral principle when it's really a flaw in nature By the way, I think they're going to arrest you for the murder of Rita Malloy. What about Ryan? I've recommended clements. All right. Come on. What about Ryan? You bungled it By the time helman got to him, he had an ally by all framed The calls to Key West could have been made by anybody in the club and ryan's covered for the time of the murder How about the others? They look good too Your girlfriend tony drake was gone for a while the night of the murder helman won't bite She's just sitting there ready to spring an ally by that's right with legs like that. She can dig up a cousin You better get worried patchy. I am I am the old palateo is a dead-end street I don't know where to go from there That guy bruno and the boat could help there's some connection between bruno's wife and Rita Malloy You're the only connection I can think of Yeah You were right about bruno's wife and Rita Malloy We just went through her safety deposit box. I'll bet you handled the money She had a clipping on bruno's wife from a miami paper 1937 go on Divorce action between slice and miss auger prior. What did you look up auger prior? That's where we run out of gas. Nobody knew her. We have no description Well, how about Rita Malloy any dope on her before 1937? I was gonna ask you you were in the room with her when she died. Don't you know? No, I don't I'm disappointed I figured you to know a little about her habits. You wrote the book mister I figured you for an answer Yeah, I got one and you just gave it to me helman Meet me at the old palateo in a half hour. If you're a real good boy, I'll tell you who killed Rita Malloy Are you gonna be there? That's all I want to know Novak Things were falling into place like a fixed roulette wheel Right from the first I knew that there was something goofy about the picture in Rita Malloy's hotel room I wasn't sure. I just knew I had something in the back of my mind I didn't tumble until helman tipped the mitt And then everything was cakes and ale I sent jocco up to room 425 in the royal arms hotel and I told him to get a description of every dress in the closet I checked at the desk and I got the name of Rita Malloy's cleaners I ducked over there and I got a list of every dress that she turned in for three months I met jocco and we compared the list of dresses. Well, it jibed fine except for one thing There was a missing white dress. It had been to the cleaners before it wasn't there now and it wasn't in that hotel room Well, we went over the old palateo to find it Jocco didn't want to buy the scheme at all Patsy I protest the notion of breaking into a lady's dressing room. Stop worrying. Will you she's not going to be there Then it's futile as well as immodest Besides, uh, how do you know Rita didn't throw away the dress? I'll give you better than track odds on that one jocco Here we are. Come on Oh look you take the closets and find that white dress. I'm going through the desk for grease paint You should be going through a woman's closet. It's more in the nature of things. Just look, huh There's enough grease paint here for the whole ira koi tribe. Do you find anything? Yes Watch this Just look for the white dress jocco Hey, what's that in the corner? Where over here? I don't see anything. Well down here. Look see Well, well that feels good, doesn't it jocco like a spell of perfect weather same grease paint Well, it won't take as long to check here. You open a couple of these jars. Don't forget your apron patsy Hello, tony. What are you doing getting ready to build a fire under you? You're gonna make nice smoke too I liked your better when you were dumb patsy. You don't look good with a phd Oh put away the gun baby. Remember this is your second trip to the plate the dress patsy. It won't fit I'll worry about that. Just toss it over by the door. I'll do better. I'll bring stay away our patsy It's my ticket out chump. You're a good guy patsy stay out of my way. It's your role, baby Patsy patsy, please stay away from me. Come on. Give me that gun patsy Please give me that gun You want to take a look at her jocco Put it down on the floor. Yeah What do you say jocco? No dice You can't win them all tony You play too rough patsy You still got a good batting average Novak. Hello helman. You better make a fast pinch She do it. Yeah, she got kind of clumsy in the last round. Didn't she not at all copper they Had me coming and going When you're as far back as I am they don't pick up the option Let's get out of here jocco. I'll check with you later helman be a good boy patsy. I'm gonna miss you You were getting to be my favorite hobby Yeah, I don't know how you were on the distance stuff. You were sure something on the sprints Be nice to her copper. She could go in the mud herself Well, it was blackmail, of course Tony was once married to bruno's wife. Rita maloy found out and started to squeeze towing Well, tony wouldn't buy that so she killed Rita maloy in her hotel room She made one mistake I didn't tumble until helman mentioned a woman's habits And I knew what was wrong with that picture back in maloy's hotel room It hit me like a discordant note in music Rita maloy was lying on the floor in a dressing gown But she was still wearing her bracelet and necklace When a woman undresses she always takes her jewelry off first and Then she takes off her dress Rita maloy didn't do that So I took a flyer and decided that somebody had taken the dress off her and put on a dressing gown Why? Because there was something wrong with the dress It pointed too much in one direction Oh, it could be a lot of things but probably grease paint Tony called bruno out here. He was supposed to use my boat to dump the body and When he didn't make it, tony got scared and lugged away the dress My 70 bucks. Oh, it would look better on a fixed fight Well helman asked only one question How did I happen to know that when a woman undresses she always takes off her jewelry first? I must have read it somewhere Radio service has just brought you pat novak for hire starring jack web Pat Novak is produced by william p. Russo Giacomo Madigan is played by tutor owen inspector helman is played by raymond burr Music was composed and conducted by basal at Be with us again next week when over most of these same stations We'll bring you pat novak for hire Pat novak for hire was previously released by abc the american broadcasting company for listeners in the united states And rebroadcast for our men and women overseas This is the united states armed forces radio service the voice of information and education