 Is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House, the coffee that's always good to the last drop. As far back as I can remember, I've been hearing about people who were poor as Job's turkey. Well, the chances are that poor old Job never had a turkey, but he did have troubles, and that's where the average father comes in. So let's go to Springfield to a white frame house on Maple Street and an average father named Anderson, because when it comes to trouble, Jim Anderson takes a back seat to no one, like this. Margaret, I'm home. We're in the kitchen, dear. I'll be right in. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. Daddy! Hiya, kitten. Well, how are all the little Andersons tonight? Hi, Father. Hello, Dad. Hello, dear. Mmm, strawberry. I don't care if he didn't do it on purpose. He had no right to break his leg. What? I turned down a dozen dates just to go out with him and now look at me. Norman McHugh had a skiing accident and broke his leg. Who's Norman McHugh? He's Claudio McHugh's brother. Thank you very much. Who's Claudio McHugh? She's a girl. Oh, well, that explains everything. You're welcome. Betty, it isn't the worst thing that's ever happened. It certainly is. My whole life is ruined. Because Norman McHugh broke his leg? He was supposed to take her to a New Year's Eve dance. It's the biggest dance of the whole year. Every dance you ever go to is the biggest dance of the whole year. Don't you ever go to any small dances? Every girl in Springfield will be there, except me. I won't be there. Why don't you go with somebody else? And I'm a girl. Don't you think I'd like to, but everybody else has a date? I'll go with Bud. Father. Holy cow. Jim, we've just been all through this. Betty doesn't want to go with Bud. And I don't want to go with her. I'll go with anybody. Jim. Now, look, Margaret, between rushing around for Christmas. Why couldn't he have broken his leg next week? Betty, I was speaking to your mother. I would have to pick the one boy in Springfield. Betty. I don't know what's gotten into this family. When I was a boy and my father was speaking to my mother, I showed him some respect. Mom. I didn't go on talking as though nothing had happened. I wouldn't have had the nerve. Mom. Now, this family, all I have to do is open my mouth, and it's a signal for the start of a general conversation. Mom. Bud, please be quiet. But I want to tell you. Bud. But if I. You'll wait until I'm finished. Is that understood? Yes, Dad. All right. What was I saying? We have to shut up. Well, I'll see that you do. Have I made myself clear? Betty? Yes, Father. Good. Now, what is it, Bud? Something on the stove is burning. What? Oh, I was trying to tell you. My cream turkey is ruined. I thought something smelled funny. What are we going to do, Jim? That was the last bit of turkey in the house. Oh, frankly, Margaret, I'm just as happy. Why, Jim? We haven't eaten anything but turkey since Christmas. And I've had just about all I can stand. Jim Anderson. Cream turkey, cold turkey. Turkey hash. Turkey croquettes. I was under the impression that this family liked turkey. We do. But there's a limit to everything. Last night, I gobbled. That will be quite enough, Kathleen. Gee whiz. Honey, I don't want you to think that it's your fault. I never said it was. And I certainly wasn't going to throw out perfectly good turkey. Well, let's not argue about it. It's gone. Well, what are you waiting for, bud? What? The doorbell rang. That was the back door. Well? It is my job to answer the back door. Go ahead, Kathy. Gee whiz, why don't we take turns? I'm getting tired of the back door. I told you in the very beginning, a 12-pound turkey would have been quite enough. Margaret. But no, we had to have a 20-pound turkey. You were hungry. Margaret, if you don't mind, I'd just as soon forget the whole thing. Hiya, Jim. Oh, hello, heck. Come on in. Hello, Margaret. Hello, nature. Hi, how's Elizabeth, heck? Oh, pretty good. Jim, so help me, you're the luckiest guy I've known in my life. What'd I do now? You could fall into a well and come up with a dime of necklace or a string of pearls. Look, dear. Margaret, you don't know what this guy did. 10 cents. That's all he gave me, just one little dime. Heck, what on earth are you talking about? What chance you took? Oh, no. Buys one measly little chance. Hacks, please. And then he wins the turkey. Jim. Margaret, I had no idea I was going to win. I just happened to have a dime, and it was Hex Club. And he said, oh, what's the matter, aren't you glad? Oh, sure. But you see, we were just going through a little thing here. Hector, how large is the turkey? 35 pounds. Hey, you want to bring him in, Ed? OK, Hex. Is that Ed Davis? Yeah, I was having a little trouble getting it out of the car. And Ed just happened to come by. Mommy, isn't it wonderful? Hi, Jim. Easy, boy. Jim, it's alive. Jumping, she hossified. Mother. Boy, is that a big one. Easy, your rattle-brain and income poop. Mr. Davis, you're hurting him. I'm hurting him. After he dragged me halfway up the driveway? Gosh, look at those feathers. Margaret. Isn't he beautiful? Mother, he's looking at me. Margaret. The club got him from a farm up near Plainville, and the man said that he's Margaret. Will you please say something? I will later. Heck, look, if it's all the same to you. I've got to be running along. Take the rope, will you, bud? I don't know if my father. Come on, bud. I'm going to be late for dinner as it is. Dad? Go ahead, bud, take it. Easy, fella. Nice, boy. His name is Irene. Nice, I mean. Since when do they give names to turkeys? Well, the farmer said his kids made a pet out of this one. That's why we got it cheap. They wouldn't let him kill it. Nice, Irene. Pretty boy. Sensitive little thing, isn't it? Well, I'd better get out, or I'll be here all night. Congratulations, Jim. See you later, my man. Oh, wait a second, Ed. Song folks, save me a piece of the white meat. Margaret. Well? Now, wait a minute, honey. I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was win a turkey. It wasn't my fault. Jim, when I think of the fuss you were making about turkey. I wasn't making a fuss. Turkey hash, turkey croquettes, turkey aliquins. Oh, Margaret, please. Daddy, look, he shakes hands. Isn't that wonderful? Jim, that is the biggest turkey I have ever seen. It'll take us weeks. Nobody said we had to keep it. We'll sell it, or give it away, or we can save. Why don't we keep it till next Thanksgiving? I know what we can do. It'll take care of Betty and everybody else. We'll have a party. Father! Jim, we're just getting over Christmas. A New Year's Eve party. That's what we'll have, and it won't cost us a cent. Oh, Father, you're wonderful. Boy, that is an idea. Why don't we keep it till next Thanksgiving? We can invite everybody we know, repay all our social obligations, and there won't be a bit of turkey left over. Jim, it isn't a question of how much turkey we'll have left over. Honey, it won't be a bit of trouble. I promise you, we'll all pitch in and help. Won't we, kids? I think it's a wonderful idea, Father. Is it all right if I invite Joe? How about it, Margaret? Why don't we just keep it till next Thanksgiving? Margaret? Well, if everybody thinks we should. Oh, Mother, you're an angel. Get a few pickles and things. All right, bud, put him away somewhere. What? The turkey. You're not going to stand there and hold him all night, are you? I don't know. What do we do with him, Jim? Well, in the morning, I'll take him down to the butcher. I'll wear my new blue dress and my silver shoes. In the meantime, put Irene out in the garage. Me? Anybody, I don't care. Come on, boy. Daddy, you can. He'll freeze. Well, he certainly can't park in here all night. Well, he can sleep in my room. He cannot. It's as much my room as it is yours. Mother? Of course he can't sleep up there, Kathy. Why? Because he'd be uncomfortable sleeping with girls. Take him out in the garage, bud. OK. Oh, bud, wait. He will freeze, Jim, and we can't be cruel. Well, he certainly can't stay in the house, can he? How about the playroom? All right. Go ahead, bud. Take him downstairs. Come on, Irene. Daddy, I have a one. Yes? Why don't we keep him till next noon? There's a girl who can come up with some wonderful ideas. Of course, where ideas are concerned, give father a little credit, too. Yes, sir, the man of the house knows most about lots of things. For one thing, ladies, when it comes to knowing about coffee, truly good coffee you enjoy cup after cup. The world's greatest expert is that man of yours. Yes, the number one expert is your husband. Of course, to the coffee trade, we're experts, too. They know more people enjoy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But when you brew the coffee and fill the cups, the expert you aim to please, he's your husband. And tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, we're sure he'll say, now, that's real coffee. Best I ever tasted. In fact, if he doesn't, we'll give you back your money. We're that sure. We know there's no coffee taste like Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. You see, there's only one recipe anywhere for that famous good to the last drop flavor, a recipe demanding certain fine coffees blended just so. And only Maxwell House has that recipe. Knowing this, won't you get Maxwell House coffee tomorrow? Serve it to your husband. If he doesn't say, best coffee ever, just send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Tomorrow and through the new year, serve coffee that'll please the world's greatest coffee expert. Serve your husband Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Shortly before the turn of the century, a poet named Leland wrote a series of verses titled Frost Pictures. In stanza four, he said, and we quote, a New Year's gift to the world, said the Frost, rich lace curtains that nothing cost. Some 50 years later, a non-poetic father named Anderson said, and we quote, it's an outrage. That's what it is, an outrage. But Jim, you told Mr. Campbell. $7.30 for nuts? I told him I wanted a few little nuts. That's what I told him. You told him you wanted five or six pounds of assorted nuts. And when he said. Margaret, just a moment, please. May I ask one question? Whose side are you on? It isn't a question. It certainly is a question. You were standing right next to me, and I said to him, we're having a party for a few friends, and I'd like a few nuts. That's all I said. Wasn't it? You said five or six pounds. Well, why did you let me say five or six pounds? Father. This whole thing started out just a little get-together. Father, may I have $9? No. I hadn't won that not-headed turkey in the first place. But the man's waiting. Well, let him wait. I said we'd invite a few friends, and we wind up with half of spring fee. Father, the man says it's $9, and he can't leave the package if he doesn't get it. I don't care if he... What package? Oh, dear, that must be the noise makers. The what? Jim, you can't have a New Year's Eve party. $9 for noise makers? No. But we had to have paper plates and napkins, and I thought a few decorations would look nice. Betty. Yes, Father? Here's my wallet. Just stand in front of the house and throw money at anybody who walks by. Okay, Father. I'll let you know when I run short. Yes, you do that. Jim. Honey, this is getting ridiculous. I've done nothing but pay bills ever since Hector walked in here with that free turkey. But Jim, you can't have 40 people. I didn't say I wanted 40 people. All I said was... You said we were going to pay our social obligations. All right, but since when are we obligated to 40 people? I don't even know 40 people. Now, look, Jim, let's be fair about it. I haven't asked one single person... Since when do we owe anything to the Clarks? I haven't even seen Tom Clark in almost two years. Well... And the Donaldsons. I don't even like the Donaldsons. I know, Jim. Then why did you ask them? Because K. Donaldson is the only one in the neighborhood with a large enough pan. That's why. What? I suppose you think it's easy to find a pan that'll hold a 35-pound turkey. And it certainly wasn't going to buy one just for this once. I know, honey, but I thought if we just bought a few pickles... Jim Anderson, you can't have a party with just turkey and pickles. Well, sure, but... I just bought the things that any decent housewife would buy and not one thing more. Margaret, I... And if you can find one thing we didn't need but one thing... Margaret... You can't make an aspic salad without jello and you certainly have to have lettuce. I know. And what else did I buy? Just olives and celery, radishes, onions, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes... But... Coffee, milk, butter, bread, cheese... But... Cranberries, apples, pears, cherries, grapes... But... Ice cream and mince pie and pumpkin pie and a few little cakes... But... And mince and potato chips and a ham. And how can you possibly have a party without things like that? But... You're very unreasonable about the whole thing. But... I really do. But... Is that all? Yes, that's all. Honey, look, it isn't worth arguing about, is it? Of course not. Well, then let's forget about the whole thing, okay? All right. Good. But if you say one more word... I won't, so help me. Not another word. Mom... Did you get it, bud? Boy, is it heavy. No matter what comes up, I'll just grin and... God, what's that? You want me to put it, Mom? On the table, dear. That'll be fine. I think she's got it stuffed with lead. What is it, a wash boiler? It's Mrs. Donaldson's roaster. Margaret. Yes, Jim? Where's the stove that goes with it? What? The stove. You certainly don't expect to get that thing in our oven, do you? Well, I... Oh, dear. This is fine. Now we'll have five pounds of mixed nuts and a new stove. Don't be ridiculous. Well, it certainly won't fit in the one we've got. How would it be if we banged in the sides a little? The roaster or the stove? We'll have to send it down to the tavern, that's all. The stove or the roaster? The turkey. We can have it cooked for 20 cents a pound. A few pickles, that's all I say. Jim, when will the turkey be ready? Oh, well, Johnny said if I'd bring it over to his house... You mean you haven't? Well, he said it would only take an hour to kill and clean it, and Kathy was having such a good time with it. But it's after 10 o'clock. Well, I didn't figure there was any hurry, so... Do you know how long it takes to cook a 35-pound turkey? A couple of hours, I guess. A couple? It takes 15 minutes a pound and 35 pounds. That's almost nine hours. It takes that long, huh? Jim Anderson, I... Well, we'd better get started. But why don't you take Irene? Me? Why do I have to do it? Now, just a minute, bud. You're going to eat the turkey, aren't you? Well, sure, but why do I have to be the one to have him killed? Margaret, have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your whole life? Well, bud has become very attached to Irene. Why doesn't Betty take him down? She doesn't even like him. That isn't so. Well, you run away from him every time he comes over. That has nothing to do with it. I think he's very cute. But he's only a turkey. Then why don't you take him down? Just a minute, bud. Let's not forget. I'm still your father. I'm sorry, dad, but, holy cow. Jim, I don't know how much more of this I can stand. You've been arguing the same thing for three days. Honey, look, you'd know exactly what to tell Johnny. I mean, about how you want him cleaned and everything. There isn't anything to tell him. You just clean it. That's all. Okay, I've got another idea. Kathy! You want me, daddy? Bring Irene up here like a good girl. Okay. Now, here's what we'll do. We'll put Irene in the car and we'll all drive over to Johnny's together. Jim. It'll do us good to get out in the fresh air. Jim Anderson, you're afraid. Afraid? Boy, Irene and I get along fine. That isn't what I mean. You're afraid to have him killed. Margaret, how can you say a thing like that? It's just that, well, I've got a million things to do around here. I've got to, uh... Yes? Well, I expect to be very busy all morning. And I certainly think that with three children in the house, now look, bud. I'm sorry, dad, but I don't want to have anything to do with it. And don't look at me. That's fine. That's just fine. I ask you to do one little thing for me. Daddy, isn't this cute? Oh, no. It's a good coat. Kathy, why do you insist on teasing that poor bird? Oh, but he likes it. Don't you, Irene? What's he supposed to be? Santa Claus? Kathy, take my coat off him right now. She wish he can't even have any fun. And take the ribbon off his head. Yes, Mommy. Excuse me, Irene. Jim. Hmm? Go ahead. What? Jim, it's got to be done, and now. Well, okay. Uh, let me have the rope, Kathy. What are you going to do? I, uh, I'm going to take Irene for a little ride. That's all. Bud, take the roaster and the dressing. Yes, ma'am. Oh, mother. Now, we've got to be sensible about this, you know. I'll be, uh, back in a little while. Uh, now, come on, Irene. Oh, my poor baby. Well, if you're going to do a thing, you might as well do it right. That's what I always say. Yes, sir. Oh, excuse me, Tom. Heck, can I speak to you for a minute? Can I just say it? We feel sort of like the fairy godfather to this whole clam bay. You do, huh? Why, sure. We brought the turkey over, didn't we? What a turkey. Yeah. And what a party. I've had three helpings of everything. You've had four. Well, who keeps score? Jim does. Very funny, both of you. And I hope you know what this party's costing me, you and your turkey. What are you kicking about? Only cost you time, didn't it? That's what you think. Daddy. By the time I got through with... Daddy, want to hear something cute? I'm very busy, Kathleen. Oh, but it'll only take a second. Go ahead, honey. Happy new year, Irene. I wish I never laid eyes on him. May I have my coffee, please? Of course, dear. It's a good thing the butcher had an extra turkey. Wasn't it that? Oh, yes. Haven't you heard? I'm a very lucky fella. Oh, Jim, you know you're just as happy as we are that Irene wasn't killed. Sure, I'm the happiest guy in Springfield. Ha, ha, ha. I'm very happy. Mr. Thompson says you'll have his own cage and everything. May I please have the cream and sugar? And I don't think 50 cents is very much. It's cheap considering how much Irene eats. And the man said we can visit him every Sunday if we want to. Will someone please pass the cream and sugar? You know, dad. But, please, not now. Here you are, dear. Thank you. 50 cents a week. That's $26 a year. Just because I took one measly 10-cent chance. Gee, isn't it nice to have a lucky father? This season, we'd like to wish you a very happy new year. For our part, during the year ahead, we're going to see to it that you enjoy wonderfully good coffee every pound of Maxwell House you open. We know that these days you're on the lookout for the most in flavor for every penny you spend. And next year, just as every year, for more than half a century, that's what you can expect in every pound of our Maxwell House coffee. A generous extra measure of flavor in every familiar blue tin. And with this promise from Maxwell House, let me extend again our sincerest wishes. For a very happy new year. Friends, this is Robert Young. Tonight, for a moment, I'd like to talk to you about a timely and all-important subject, safe driving. First, I want to report that during 1950, our Father Knows Best Highway Safety Campaign has resulted in more than 3 million highway safety contracts between parents and their children. We're pretty proud of our part in that accomplishment. We're proud, too, of the makers of Maxwell House Coffee, who have a carefully planned highway safety campaign of their own. There's is a campaign to help make the highways safer by improving the safety records of their own drivers. It is a plan that will work for anybody. It will work for you. And to tell you about it, I'm happy to introduce Mr. Clarence Francis, Chairman of the Board of General Foods Corporation. Mr. Francis. Good evening, everyone. Our salesmen, the men who call on your grocer in behalf of our products, operate more than 1,500 automobiles. Day in and day out, these men travel practically every highway in the country and visit every town and city. They are your neighbors. And as part of the job of being good neighbors, we have encouraged them to be good drivers, safe drivers who respect your rights on the highway. Years ago, we became alarmed at the nation's highway accident rate. And at our own, we knew then that most accidents are preventable. Two years ago, we asked our men to pledge themselves to become safer drivers. And we arranged to remind them of this every time they get into their cars. We do this by placing each salesman's safety record on the dashboard of his car an emblem which recognizes the achievements of safe drivers. Tonight, I am happy to tell you that our men have responded to this challenge. They have again improved their safety record. Over a two-year period, they have reduced our accident rate by one-third. Tonight, once again, I am challenging each of our drivers both in the United States and in Canada to drive his General Foods car safely through the whole year of 1951. And as we go into 1951, we all face a challenge, a challenge to everything we hold important. This is a year of crisis and of great national effort, and it calls for sacrifice and self-discipline by all of us. Here is something we each can do to strengthen our country at this time of need. We can help preserve our most precious national resource, our human resource, by resolving to reduce the toll of highway accidents. So I hope you and our audience tonight will join us in our pledge to drive safely through 1951. At breakfast time, you don't have to say... You children eat your cereal right this instant. Just say... Hop along Cassidy is crazy about hot wheat meal. Just a little psychology. Yes, to get your children to eat a hot cereal, just tell them post-wheat meal is Hop along Cassidy's favorite hot cereal, and they'll eat it too. Post-wheat meal is chuck full of solid whole wheat nourishment, has a wonderful nut-like flavor, and it cooks in just three and a half minutes. You'll see, you'll all agree, it's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Join us again next week for Father Knows Best, starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Bargy on the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday night, for all of us and for the makers of Maxwell House coffee, may we wish you again a very happy New Year. Jack Webb and Dragnet, good listening next on NBC.