 Hi, this is David Rosales. I'm the pastor of Calvary Chapel, Chino Valley, California. Today I would like to answer the question, is it permissible to have intimate sexual relations with someone that you are engaged to be married to? Well, obviously, we live in a time when the thought of abstaining from sexual intimacy before marriage is considered by the majority of non-Christians to be unnecessary and even ridiculous. The argument often is placed in very basic terms. We have sexual urges that are natural and it is only natural that we express them. So what is wrong with expressing them with someone that you love? Isn't that the best way to do so? A growing number of Christians express the same sentiment and believe that if they are formally engaged then sexual intimacy is allowed and because they love one another they feel that engaging in intimate sexual activity is not sinful because they love one another and because they're planning on being married. Many professing Christians have made the decision to first move in together and then to have a wedding ceremony. They seem to think that it gives them opportunity to see if they can live together and believe that they are working out their relationship in a kind of trial run, that they hope will help them to have a better marriage once the ceremony is done and the license is signed. Is this true? One study found that 40% of women living with a significant other for the first time between 2006 and 2010 transitioned to marriage within three years. 32% of those relationships remained the same and finally 27% of those relationships were dissolved. It would seem that the odds of making it to marriage are not in the favor of those who make decisions to live together. Which brings us back to the original question. Is it permissible to have intimate sexual relations with someone that you are engaged to be married to? In the book of 1 Thessalonians, the Apostle Paul in chapter 4 told the church we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more just as you receive from us how you ought to walk and to please God for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus for this is the will of God your sanctification that you should abstain from sexual immorality. Interestingly, one of the more common questions that I have heard as a pastor is what is God's will for me? Here is one of the portions of Scripture that very very clearly tells us what God's will is for us. It is for us to abstain from sexual immorality. When Paul says abstain from sexual immorality the word used to speak of such immorality is the word pernea. Pernea speaks of every form of sexual practice that lies outside the circle of God's revealed will. It includes adultery, premarital intercourse, homosexuality, bestiality and sexually physical activity outside of the marriage covenant. When Paul wrote this letter sexual immorality was common amongst the pagans as it still is. It is possible that the Thessalonians had slipped back into this this kind of mindset after their conversion. This is not improbable because sexual restraint was almost unheard of in Greek culture. For pagan Greeks, it was unreasonable to encourage people to sexual restraint because it was naturally assumed that a man would find sexual pleasure outside of marriage. Because of this casual sexual activity was widely accepted as natural and harmless. Some even argued that sexual fulfillment was natural and neutral for them. It was simply an appetite. Paul addressed this when he wrote the first letter to Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 13, Paul quoted the saying when he wrote food for the stomach and the stomach for food, which was the mindset of Corinthians. After writing this, he went on to say, but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. Sadly, today the overwhelming majority does not believe that sex outside of marriage is sin and it is glorified, make it seem desirable and sophisticated to casually engage in. It is presented as normal, neutral, enjoyable, harmless, and permissible in almost every movie, television, program, song, and college course related to sexuality. Salom, if ever, do you see the repercussions of casual sex portrayed in movies? You do not see the broken hearts that are left behind. The shame, the deep loss of self-respect, or the depth of conviction at its wrongness. You almost never are witness to the venereal disease ravaging the innocent partner, the HIV AIDS that is contracted, the unexpected pregnancy, or the aftermath of the abortion, or the broken lives of the babies that are born to such casual affairs. Hollywood pretends to be outraged at sexual injustices and then continues pouring millions into producing movies that glorify it in every form. In one year, they could impact sexual mindsets by producing movies that held up purity as the preferred model but are more interested in making money than encouraging morality. And they call Christians hypocrites. Even in the church, there's a tremendous lack of understanding about this subject. The fact is sexual promiscuity is incompatible with the life of holiness or purity. Why? Because sexual sin destroys the foundation of intimacy established in marriage. By virtue of creation, marriage is God's design and is more than living together. Sexual intimacy is intended to be enjoyed with God's blessing between a man and a woman. Genesis 2.24 reads, A man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. God's command concerning marriage is intended to produce a godly couple, that makes it their aim if they are able to conceive or to adopt children, to raise children who love, fear and serve the Lord. Solomon in the book of Proverbs repeatedly warns his son and future readers about sexual immorality and consistently states that sexual immorality destroys marriages and often leads to divorce and to painfully broken children. Our common culture regards immorality as normal, but God makes it clear that it is normal only in the sense that it is driven by biological drives, but in the end it is highly destructive. So is it something that believers can casually involve themselves in with no repercussions? No. The writer of Hebrews in chapter 13 verse 4 wrote, Marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept here, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Paul wrote in Ephesians 5 verses 5 through 8, This you know that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man who is an idolater as any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God, let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them. The Christian is to live a blameless and holy life before God and man, which provides the contrast of the lifestyle of a believer with the one who does not fear God and is unprepared for eternity. It is so important that Paul said in Ephesians 5, 3 do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you as this proper among saints. In 1 Thessalonians 4, 6 Paul said no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter. There are plenty of men who tell the woman that they tell them they love them and will marry them and then after getting bored with them or finding something about them, they find unattractive, they leave them. One day another man meets her and cherishes her and loves her and wants to marry her and finds that she has been taken advantage of and hurt by somebody else. The other man defrauded his brother by robbing him of the virginity that ought to have been brought to the marriage. The future partner of the woman has been defrauded of that which should have belonged to him, her purity. The fact is to have relations with a woman outside of marriage is not only a trespass against God's law, it defrauds a fellow Christian who eventually will take this woman as his own wife or perhaps has already done so. The simple fact is sexual purity reflects on the purity of the whole person. Your character and faith in Jesus is revealed by your obedience to God's word and your obedience is made possible by the help of the Spirit of God and your willingness to walk in his spirit. So in answer to the question, is it permissible to have intimate sexual relations with someone that you are engaged to be married to? The answer is the proper place for sexual intimacy is within the bonds of the covenant of marriage. Since God created marriage, it is obvious that God's instructions concerning it should be closely followed. If you have fallen in this area or are presently involved in this kind of sin, it's not too late, you can and you should repent and seek the Lord for forgiveness and for restoration to fellowship with him. If your partner resists you doing so and refuses to do so, you need to ask whether this is the person you should be with. If they are believers, they should desire to do what the Lord says. If they refuse, then you must decide to follow the Lord and trust the Lord in all of this. This is David Rosales, pastor of Calvary Chapel of the Chino Valley, California.