 Have you noticed that most dating coaches will highly recommend that you keep the early states of dating very casual, very light, not very inquisitive to just enjoy someone's company? I think this works in favor for men, not so for women, and I'll explain for a second. I know a number of women dating coaches will encourage women just to sit in their feminine energy and wait to be claimed by a man, and certainly male dating coaches will encourage light, fun, casual, early dates because they don't want to feel pressure. But I just used an interesting word, pressure. I want you to think about this for a moment. Unlike in the past when we met people organically, we might have met them in our school, we might have met them in the town, we lived in, we might have even met them in our work environment. What I mean by met them is that they're most likely somebody we already know. We already know this person, so certainly dating somebody you already know should be light, fun, and casual because there's a sense of familiarity, there's a sense of comfort, there's a sense of belonging to some degree. I want you to think about this throughout history. When we made it with people, there was a sense of belonging. We were part of each other's community, and yet today that has certainly changed dramatically, especially because of our devices, because these days we tend to meet total strangers in the dating marketplace. And when you're meeting a total stranger, what did your parents tell you about strangers? Do you remember stranger danger? So I think it's important to do a bit of due diligence before you invest time in someone. Now, I want you to think about this for a moment. Let's follow the previous dating coach's suggestions. You just keep it light, you keep it fun, you go out with someone once or twice, they don't want to see you again, you do this again, you meet someone, you go out and have a good time, it's very casual, it's very fun, it's very light, they don't want to see you again, and this happens over and over and over again. Could you imagine the emotional effect that has on a person to habitually go on date after date after date after date? I mean, what I mean is different people, men and women alike, only to feel a sense of not belonging, a sense of frustration, a sense of disgust with the process. This is because when you're meeting someone cold for the first time, it puts a lot of pressure on instant chemistry for this to even have a chance to take off. But what's worse about this is men will oftentimes pursue women from a sexual perspective, not necessarily with an intent of a relationship. So again, this favors men if they don't have to jump through a certain bit of hoops, and that's what we're going to talk about today, because we're going to talk about four questions you need to ask yourself to determine if this person is worth investing time. Does this make sense? Listen, I know this might even sound alarmist, and I certainly recognize that women are absolutely capable of making choices for themselves, and certainly when it comes to the physical aspect of relationship, a woman is certainly open to choosing to have sex with someone she barely knows, just like men do this, and she's certainly open to never seeing the person again. I'm more concerned about the emotional effects of physical intimacy without the deep roots of trust built in the relationship or in any sense of desire for something greater than just a casual encounter. Folks who know me know that I always say I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there on a first date with a shotgun pointed at the guy's face saying, what is your intentions? These days, the dating marketplace, I said favors men to a certain degree because if they know the line, all they have to tell you is I want a relationship, and ladies will believe that it means what you think it means to you. I want you to think about this, the word relationship. That can mean a lot of different things, depending on the person. If you follow my channel, you know, I talk about what I think a relationship should look like or what I want it to look like for myself. It's a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's a relationship. Now, not every one of you has the time for that kind of relationship. I will tell you that traditionally and statistically speaking, the more time two people spend together in a short period of time, the greater chance for a relationship success. And what I mean to say is seeing each other three or four days and three or four days weekly over a period of time will build the deep roots of trust with one another. Now coming back to what I said earlier, when a man says I want a relationship in yours is what I just described in his idea of a relationship, I just want to see you at my beck and call. That's the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Men never say that because you guys don't discuss it. You don't discuss the parameters of what a relationship should look like. What does it mean to explore a relationship? What does it mean? It's easy to say you want the words, but what does it mean and how does it look to explore this relationship? Because men were certainly drive to explore getting inside your pants. And sadly, if a man has any level of sophistication to him, any sense of wealth or whatever women gravitate towards those men in a much greater buy it from a biological perspective, the higher on the food chain the guy is. And the more attractive he is, you will be desiring of that person even more so. And these men know it. In fact, these are the coveted men. Oftentimes, when I say coveted men, women are gravitating to them tend to, not always tend to gravitate to the more higher successful person because they're coveted because they have the resources to be in a relationship. And these men know it. And this is why a lot of these guys are players out there. Now, let me just be clear. There are men in the low economic bracket that are absolute players. These are men probably less capable. There's plenty of men incapable of being in relationship, partially because they're in the lower bracket of the income. So what they seek is that physical connection. This is why it's so critically important that you ask yourself some really deep questions before you even invest your heart and certainly your body to someone. So what are the types of questions you should be asking a guy or asking yourself? Okay, what are the type of questions you should be asking yourself? I think this is really important. Now, to some degree, if you follow my work, you know, I'm a big proponent of doing your due diligence before you meet someone. And by the way, these days, you can actually get on the phone before a first date and ask some really deeper questions just to determine if you're a fit for one another. And if you need some specific help on that, check out the link to a free discovery call in the description below with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. My area of expertise is helping women get greater clarity on who's truly compatible with them. You might be thinking, well, Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want. This is what I hear from women all the time. And then they go through my proprietary coaching program that I've created. And you know, it fascinates me every time they go through these modules, they go, Oh my God, you made me think I had no idea this is what I really wanted. Why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I dated the wrong person or married the wrong guy? So again, that's a free discovery call with me. I'm going to give you a hint of some of the things you should be asking yourself. Now, number one, I think it's important to determine, do you feel an energetic connection with this person? Do you feel an energetic connection? This is where it's tricky because biology plays plays tricks on us. Chemistry is very deceptive, because it's oftentimes this biological desire to connect with someone based on lust or limerence. I'm going to repeat that lust or limerence and men oftentimes fall into this category for themselves as well, that they're lusting after you from a physical perspective, or they have limerence and limerence means extreme infatuation. So for those people that have this strong connection with one another and they feel like, Oh my God, you're my soulmate, you're my twin flame that never had this before. You know, men start to love bomb in this capacity and women are just absolutely gravitating towards it because it feels like something you've never experienced before. You know, it's interesting. I think of the story of the frog in the boiling pot of water, you know, and when you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, it jumps out. But if you put a frog in lukewarm water and turn up the heat, it will boil on the inside out. And to some degree, relationships are better served when it's that. Now, that's not to say that there haven't been the exception to the rule, those relationships that started off strong. It's interesting. Some of you might even look at my own relationship and think it started off strong, but quite frankly, it's been a slow simmer for quite some time before we actually met. And even when we did meet, it was still building up slowly, believe it or not. I know it may not seem like that to the outside. And I share this with everyone, because certainly to some degree, feels like it's fast. But I felt like there was a slow simmer building before we ever met. We had this sense of connection with one another, because we spent one year developing a friendship with one another before we ever met, meaning we weren't total strangers with one another. So when we did meet, I will tell you this, we had strong energetic connection to go along with the physical connection. Energetic connection is very difficult to describe. It's just a sense of feeling comfort and ease with the person. It just feels comfortable. By the way, if you haven't watched the Netflix series Black Mirror, there's an episode in season four called Hang the DJ. Can someone write this in the comments? Hang the DJ season four. And it's a very cute story about meeting someone from that perspective of feeling very comfortable on the first meeting. And I really like this story. All right. So let's go into number two, the second question you should be asking yourself with this person. And by the way, this is in no order. It's important to do all four. Number two is, do we share the same values? Do we share the same values? Now, most people like to think their values are honesty, integrity, trust and that sort of thing. Those are primary values. But did you know you can Google and there's a list of 120 different values? For example, one of my most important values is health. Somebody who has a healthy lifestyle. And I don't mean that they have to be vegan or vegetarian, but they tend to not eat bonbons all day long. And they're not chain smokers. And that's an important value to me. Maybe it's the same for you. But another value of mine is punctuality. Any of my clients know when we have a call at three PM, I'm literally on the phone at two 59, right? Getting ready to dial. And yet I've never, I've yet to meet the woman who's been on time for a date. So that particular value, even though it's a strong value for me punctuality, I don't necessarily hold that to the same degree with someone else. And you have to determine what values mean the most to you. I think the most important value these days, and I mean this with all sincerity, that it seems to be lacking in so many people is commitment, the value of commitment to really being committed to the idea of exploring a relationship with someone with some future intent. These days, dating is such a cavalier experience for so many people. And that's no wonder it's leaving an emotional wake of not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable, not feeling likable. In fact, I think dating triggers this number one emotional health issue. This is why I wrote my book. What the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self help and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get my book. I think when we actually can step into our own sovereignty, our self worth, our self esteem, our self confidence, we don't feel as demoralized in the process of getting to know someone because we just recognize that dating is basically it's a prospecting tool. It really is a prospecting tool. It's a vetting process to decide if you want to explore relationships. So coming back to commitment, the value of commitment, I think it's really important to assess is this person capable of commitment? So if they just got out of a marriage last week or just broke up with someone, are they really capable of actually committing to you? And I think it's important to assess that particular value more so than any other value out there. Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if that is, if that resonates with you. The third question you should be asking yourself is, do each one of your lifestyles, is it actually blendable with one another? You know, folks, many of you know I'm in a long distance relationship. Actually, that's going to change very soon. We're in a long distance relationship, but we, we determined that we actually have the compatibility to blend our lives together. And so you have to ask yourself, can this, oftentimes women abandon their own lifestyle to morph or meld into some guy's lifestyle. You have this fantasy that if you meet someone, especially if there's distance, and by the way, these days, distance can easily be, yeah, I lived in Los Angeles. I live, you know, in an area called Redondo Beach and someone could live in the area of Santa Monica and believe it or not, that's a pain in the ass. It takes 45 minutes to get to see one another, but they might have a truly deeply rooted life there. And if you have a deeply rooted life where you're at, that's going to be difficult. That's going to put a lot of pressure. It's going to require a lot of love for that relationship to actually meld together, blend together, excuse me. It's important to really, you know, ask yourself these deeper questions. By the way, this is why folks, if you haven't read the book by Barbara DeAngeles, are you the one for me, knowing who's right and avoiding who's wrong? This is a thick ass book. I highly recommend reading this book. I highly, this will give you so much insight into what to be looking for, especially in this area of blending lifestyles. Because the reality is, is if you can't blend your lifestyles in your investing time, what do guys do? You know, it's easy to begin the early stage of dating, but what do guys always do? You know, this isn't working for me, especially the long distance. I hear this from women all the time. You know, it wasn't the distance that changed it. He wasn't ready for a relationship. I'm like, yeah, because you couldn't build the deep roots of trust with one another to explore this deeper relationship, blending lives together. And lastly, emotional maturity relationship skills. The reality is, is the vast majority of humans have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills. This is true of men and women alike. And let me tell you something. At the end of the day, if a person can't, doesn't have the communication skills or the desire for emotional intimacy to really build deep trust with one another, it's going to be problematic. When I talk about deep trust, I'm talking about, does this person care about my feelings as much as my own? And are they open to exploring the depths of their feelings? You know, it's interesting. There's a show on a showtime called couples therapy. And these are actual couples therapy sessions. I mean, they're kind of hidden cameras. And it's interesting to hear how the men open up and how some men don't open up and how some women don't open up on an emotional level. Listen, you can approach relationship from the pragmatic perspective of he's the provider protector, you're the homekeeper. That certainly was the previous norm. Okay. And to some people, that's what they desire. That gets rather boring, that dynamic. And quite frankly, these days, women are capable of financially taking care of themselves. They don't need the man to be the provider. So what's going to really strengthen a relationship, really strengthen a relationship is that deeper sense of emotional intimacy. And it requires going far deeper than the surface. This is why I continually recommend reading this book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman, because the questions in here will help you determine along with the book, are you the one for me? Is this person emotionally mature enough to actually enter into a deeply fully committed relationship? Because let's face it, it's exhausting going out on a first, second or third date and it going nowhere and doing it again and again and again. And I know there are dating coaches out there recommending to women dating three or four dating, circular dating, dating four or five guys at the same time. How exhausting can that be? And some of you're don't get that many asks out there. Folks, we are in a different world and it's time to recognize that. Yes, the swipe dating apps has bastardized much of this, but it's also incumbent upon you to take power in your life, to take charge of your relationship destiny, because you can't leave it up to a guy. Most guys are clueless, they're winging it. You've got to be in charge of your destiny. And these are four questions. Four questions. You should ask yourself to determine if he's a really good fit for you. All right, I think that's, I think I've covered a lot. I'd like to hear your thoughts, please comment below. By the way, my t-shirt is from the Mach 5 from Speed Racer, the TV show I used to watch as a kid, loved it. So again, please post a comment below. All right, if you like this video, please share it with your friends, please hit that like button, please subscribe to my channel and I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, I've given myself a big, gigantic Johnathan Barrick of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love, if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, Pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye. Oh, I forgot the teddy bear. Bye-bye now.