 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Assey of JonathanAssey.com, and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, this special techniques helps women attract epic love, epic love. Who wants epic love? Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell, so you can be notified of new content or new videos. And if at any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Lastly, this is your explicit language warning. I do occasionally drop an F-bomb every now and again. I use explicit language as I say to enhance a sentence. So they're in sentence enhancers. So if that's not your thing, I highly recommend logging off right now and go to another channel that you might enjoy. All right, we're gonna talk about this special technique that helps women attract epic love. Ladies, would you like to have epic love? I am sure you would. In fact, when I think of epic love, I think of two particular movies. And quite frankly, they're movies I truly enjoy. And I'll never forget after my divorce or when my ex-wife and I filed for divorce, the movie, The Notebook, came out. Does anyone remember the movie Notebook? I know it's been about a decade and a half since that movie's been out, or at least at the time I'm recording this. And it's certainly one of those movies that is really great story with James Garner. And I can't think of, was it Ellen Burnt? I can't think of the other woman. And it tells this great story of how two young people got together and dealt with adversity to somehow come back together at one point in their life. And it was very intense what they've experienced. And at the end it was just this grand crescendo of love. And it was a great story and it totally tears at the heartstrings. And when we think of epic love, we might think of a movie like that. In fact, one of the quotes in the movie is the following. And quite frankly, I love this quote. The quote is, so it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day. But I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you forever. And you and me every day. I probably screwed that up. Does anyone remember that? It was kind of an epic quote. It kind of demonstrates what epic love might feel like. And certainly it's a feel good movie. And sadly at the end of the movie when you see the two of them, the James Garner, the older version of them, they sadly pass away. Sadly, they pass away together in the same bed at the same time. And we think of that highly romantic. And then there's the second movie I think of when I think of epic love. And I think, and this is more of a humorous type movie, but it's the movie Serendipity. Serendipity. Does anyone remember the movie Serendipity with Kate Beckinsale, or I totally screwed up her name. And John Kuzak. And it's a movie where the two of these, these two people meet at a random place in New York. And rather than giving each other's their phone numbers and their name, they, one writes their phone number on a $5 bill and the other one writes it in a book. And they were supposed to try to meet up and they didn't, and then they kind of went their separate ways for about a half a decade or so. And yet they're continually pining for one another and they go on this adventure to try to find each other. They each individually went on an adventure to find each other. And eventually, in the serendipitous way, she finds him at the skating rink after he calls off his wedding. And it's a very cute story, very humorous. And we kind of, and you see them at the end of the movie, it's a year later, and they go back to the place where they met, where they were buying a glove. And we get very excited when we think of epic love are like this, right? We get really excited. These movies are meant to make us feel good. Now, as I reflect on this movie, though, I have a beef with both of these movies. I really do have a beef with both of these movies. And the beef is this. In the movie, the notebook, Ali, remember there's Ali and Noah, she's engaged to be married to another person. I'm gonna repeat that. She's engaged to be married to another person. And Noah was in a relationship and it was more of a friends with benefits. So she literally had to abandon a relationship she was in to go after this epic love. And I kind of take issue to that. I mean, she made this, and not to the extent that she should have stayed married, you notice that she should marry a guy that she didn't love. But I really don't like that. She basically, on one level, cheated on her fiance to be with another person. And if we look at the movie, The Serendipity, they were both engaged. One was literally going to the altar. They were both engaged. And then they decide they're gonna give it up to go after this fleeting relationship. And I don't know, I just take issue with that. I know these are great movies and it makes us think of epic love, but that's not what epic love is all about. It's not these movies, these fantasies that we've been adopted, we've indoctrinated into our lives. Because the reality is, is it doesn't take into account, certainly, I mean, these are younger people, but it doesn't take into account, divorce and loss of job and dealing with a nasty ex-spouse or someone who has health issues. None of these movies are really based on the reality of what love is all about. And so I take issue with this. So how do we find epic love in our lives? And what is this special technique to find epic love? Well, folks, I'm here to say it starts from within. It starts from within. Because the most important relationship you're ever gonna have is the relationship you have with somebody else. Let me repeat that. The most important relationship you're gonna have is the relationship you have with yourself. And yet we've glorified the importance of another person to fill the void that's inside of us. I mean, think of the movie Jerry Maguire, you complete me. We've literally set up our whole narrative in life is about we need someone else to make us feel good about ourselves. In fact, if you watch my YouTube channel on a regular basis, I continually say, we are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Because the real epic love starts from within. It starts from within. It's just like putting the oxygen mask first on the airplane. The idea of that is we have to start within ourselves. This is why I wrote my book, what the heck is self love anyway? By the way, there's a link in the description below to get my book. What this book is, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Because the reality is is the most important love in your life is going to be the love you have for yourself. And quite frankly, we each individually can create an epic love within ourselves. Now you might have watched a video I did a while back and it's a video called why men love bitches, why men love bitches. And why I'm bringing this up at this point in the video is because what the acronym that was created for me for this video or for this blog that I wrote, this isn't my acronym, this was taught to me, was bitch stands for babe or beauty in total control of herself. I'm gonna repeat that, babe or beauty in total control of herself. In other words, when we adopt our own self-worth, self-esteem, self-reliance, our sovereignty in our lives, we're actually preparing ourselves for the most epic love in our lives and it is with ourselves. And when we have achieved that epic love within ourselves it doesn't matter whether or not we have a relationship or not. And yet here's the beauty of it is you become a magnetic attractor for someone else that can be like you. Let me repeat that, when we stand in our sovereignty we can actually become a magnetic attractor for someone else that's standing in our sovereignty because it's easier to see the person when we're not blinded by all the muck that we've been adopted through these movies and the Disney and all this stuff and the fantasy realm. Even Cinderella, you know, is a fantasy. I mean, because it basically sets us up for, you know, there's only one great guy. It's the, there's, I mean, think about the Prince is one person out of this entire town. He happens to come from the wealthiest family. He had the best education. He happened to be attractive and there's only one of them. Okay, then the rest of the, what are you gonna do about the rest of the town? What about the rest of the folks in the town? Did these narratives set us up for thinking of love in this grand way? And I know most of you aren't really thinking of it in the terms of the notebook or serendipity or even the Disney movies. And yet they have been so indoctrinated in our lives. So it's hard not to have it affect us. I'm here to say that the most important love you're ever gonna have is the love with yourself. And by the way, I wanna encourage men to do this as well. This is not just singular to women, this self-love work, this self-compassion work. In fact, there's another book I highly recommend reading called Self-Compassion, Self-Compassion. Along with another great book over here, Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. These are all great books to enhance our individual spirit. So we become so happy within ourselves that it doesn't matter whether or not we have a relationship in our lives because the reality is is let's face it, folks. Dating is a clusterfuck out there. It is a mess. And I don't care anyone else that tells you otherwise, it's a clusterfuck out there. It is becoming progressively harder to meet people in our lives that are aligned to who we are and what we want. And mainly because so few folks do personal development, self-help and spiritual work to actually be capable of being in a relationship. And we're already dealing with the fact that the meeting, and I'm gonna talk about this in a few minutes because a question came in to me ahead of time. But I want you to know that when we are loving on ourselves, we're actually in a good space. We can actually be content. Folks, is this sinking in, is this resonating? Please let me know. Please give me a thumbs up. Please share this video if you're watching right now to spread the love because that's all I wanted to encourage everyone to do is not think of epic love in the way the movies are, but think of the epic love you can have within yourself. Okay, that's what I had to say for now. We're gonna jump into the best part, at least I think of these live streams and it's the Q&A. And those that are familiar with my, and I'm gonna start with a question that already came in. So just hold off a second, posting your questions. But just as a reminder, if you have a question, write the word question and post your question thereafter. You can certainly purchase a super sticker, super chat. Just as a reminder, those purchases are only for those that are on the live stream right now. And the monies that is received from that actually goes into a scholarship fund I've created to help people get personal development work on a discounted basis. And this is really an honor of my son, Connor. Those of you know right there, there's a picture of Connor. He's my son who passed away, so it's an honor of Connor that I do this. All right, our first question came in ahead of time. So I wanna post this. By the way, I wanna thank everybody who's on right now, but this question came in, I thought it'd be a great time to talk about this. So our question is, oops, we're having a little delay. Our question, Jonathan, where can I meet and how can I keep a great guy? Great question, Jonathan, where can I meet and how can I keep a great guy? And I love this question because so many women come to me and said, where are all the great men? I live in Los Angeles and there's no great men out there. I live in Dallas, there's no great men out there. How can I meet a great guy? Where are all the great guys and how can I keep a great guy? And I thought this was a really good question to lean into today because I know many of you are frustrated with the dating, mating or relating process, especially with the fact that so few of you actually believe that there are good men out there. I'm gonna repeat that, so few of you or so many of you believe that there are so few good men out there. And I wanna change that narrative because the reality is, is there are really good men out there, there are good men out there. They're the policemen, they're the firemen, they're your dentists, they're your accountant, you know, they're the people that fix your cable, just to name a few, they're your plumbers. I mean, and those are professions that can go both for men and women. But what I'm here to say is there are good human beings out there. The challenges from a meeting perspective is we are no longer in an environment where we meet people in our daily lives. I'm gonna repeat that. We are no longer in an environment where we meet people in our daily lives. And what I mean by single eligible people, and for those who follow my work, no, my specialty is midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement. I'm a coach. Just as a reminder, you can schedule a free discovery call in the link below to see if working with a coach is right for you. But my specialty is that, and so for us in midlife, it's even progressively harder to meet people. And as I said before, it's a clusterfuck out there, especially with these dating apps going on, it's progressively getting harder and harder because the reality is is we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. So I just want you to know that this frustration that many of you are feeling is a very valid frustration. We have every right to be frustrated because the reality is is most people, right now, online dating probably represents where 50% of all new relationships are happening for those over 45 years old. And I suspect within 10 years, that number might be 90%. Think about it. Could be, I'm not saying it is, it could be 90%. We're meeting these blank people and the problem is with so many swiping, so many swiping, so many swiping, it's becoming progressively harder. And I just want you to know, I empathize with you in this regard. And the reality is, is there's great people around, the hard part is how do we get them together? I think one of the first things would be to be intentional about the process, especially with how you market yourself on these dating apps. And I can tell you, I can swipe from profile to profile and tell you from a man's perspective, most women's profiles look like crap. And by the way, most men's profiles look like crap. So the reality is, is first, it starts with creating a great presentation for yourself. Start with a great presentation for yourself. Shift the narrative and recognize that you're actually having to sell yourself to some degree. And when I say sell yourself is, let me reframe that, to promote yourself. But the second part of the question really relates to how do you keep a great guy? Folks, I'm here to say is most humans are terrible at being in relationship. Let me repeat that, most humans are terrible at being in relationship. And part of that is because they don't know the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And this is why I continually over and over and over again recommend the book, Eight Dates, Eight Dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. I highly recommend you reading this so you can learn the mechanics to the healthy, to a healthy, happy relationship. Thankfully, many of my, not just my clients, but many of you are purchasing the books I recommend because these books are actually great guides rather than the bullshit narrative. Listen, let me tell you something. I was recently, I don't know why, watching a daytime TV show where there was some dating coaches on and I'm listening to the narratives. And I mean, it's so egoic based. It's so egoic based. It's very much based like the book, The Rules, which is a very egoic, manipulative way to temporarily attract a relationship. Let me repeat that. It's very egoic, temporary way to attract a relationship. But ultimately, you can attract a relationship temporarily, but if you don't have the components to make a healthy, happy relationship, it's gonna be very difficult. Those of you who know, I created my relationship iceberg, relationship iceberg, and I have something new to share with you today on the relationship iceberg, but you can see on the top line, the above the water line is attraction. Above the water line is attraction and the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. And we all know that chemistry is hugely important for a relationship, but below the water, which is compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. These are the necessary components to create a healthy, happy relationship. And what happens is as your values, as you share the same values, have emotional, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity, this water line actually starts to go down and there's more, because you're compatible, there's more attraction between the two of you. When two people are feeling shared values, their lifestyles are blendable and they have emotional maturity, they feel more and more attracted to one another, and this is how we create epic love in relationship. So I'm here to suggest, if you A, if you want to meet a person, the reality is this online dating is about the number one place and it starts by being intentional with creating a great profile for yourself. Promote yourself the best you can. And then to be, to keep a great relationship, it requires doing some personal development work, self-help and spiritual work prior to meeting and then be intentional about your relationship and purchase two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman, purchase two copies and go through the work together. And I promise you, if you do this advanced work, if you do this work in advance, you have a greater chance of keep finding and keeping a great relationship, which will eventually turn into, and I hope, epic love. So for that person that asked the question, I want to thank you so much. That was a great question. All right, time to take questions from the group. Boy, we have a lot coming in. So I want to thank you, hit that thumbs up button and we are going to scroll and get started. Jean says, you crack me up every time you say that it's a clusterfuck out there, but don't give up. I met a guy on Tinder two years ago, but still come here to keep myself balanced and so I don't eff up. Jean, thank you so much. I'm really glad you shared that with me. Jackie says, reading what the heck is self-love for the second time, Jonathan, I love your book. Thank you so much, I appreciate that. All right, let's see what questions we have. Robin says, dating is a mess for sure, see? Sal says, very much resonating, Jonathan, love it. Thank you, lots of amen. Let's see if there's a question above. Bear with me, okay. All right, so we're going to scroll back down. Bear with me, everyone, thank you for your patience. Lisa says, question, question, that is my question. Robin says, that is my question. Diana says, it's amazing how loving yourself can radiate to attract quality people because you operate from your own sense of self-worth and not out of desperation. Yes, thank you, Diana. Sadly, I watch women continually give their power away in relationship to men. They give their power away to men and hoping that if the man loves them, they'll feel good about themselves. I'm here to hope to shift that narrative. All right, great question, thank you. Jenny says, are there really more single women than men? Many dating coaches say this, women should settle for a man. You know, I believe, okay, so let's think about this for a second. I believe with eight billion people on the planet, the percentage of men and women is almost 50-50, almost 50-50, okay? So now, here's the tricky part. As, okay, so if we basically, if there's a single man out there, there should be a single woman. The number should be pretty close. The challenge is as we age, men tend to die at a faster rate than women. Men tend to die at a faster rate than women. Although quite frankly, it didn't work, my parents wasn't, that's a picture of my mom and dad when they were younger. My mom was 88 when she passed away. My father was 92 when she passed away and my father is still alive almost four years later and he's 96 years old. So give props to Jacob for being 96, so he actually outlived my mother. But going back to that narrative, I believe in the age demographic at midlife, I would say that it's probably, it might be 55-45, I mean, it might be, but think about it, if there's a single man, there should be a single woman. I mean, again, I mean, I'm just saying that statistically. So the problem with the advice that a woman should settle, I think some of that narrative is based on a old-fashioned narrative that a woman needs a man financially to take care of her. And certainly throughout history, women have had to compromise themselves significantly at the behest of the male population. Let me repeat that women have had to compromise, settle significantly at the behest of someone financially taking care of them. And roughly about 50 years ago, that shifted to where women can actually take care of themselves. So to the extent that told to settle because there's fewer men, I'm here to say this. Work on your self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, remembering that you don't need a man for your happiness and put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people. Oh, something just occurred to me. There might be the narrative that the men might be choosing younger women, so there might be less men because of that. That just didn't occur to me as, or that just occurred to me while I was sharing this. So to some degree, that number might be skewed at a 60-40 rate versus a 55-45 or it might be a little bit higher because, but here's the bottom line. A lot of men in their fifties and sixties might want younger women, but yet it's such a, but quite frankly, why would a younger woman wanna be with an older guy unless one thing, he's got bucks. And the reality is, is 80% of the US population makes less than a hundred grand a year. So 80% of men have no chance of getting younger women, and quite frankly, unless someone's in that high net worth in individual, those guys can find younger women, but just because a guy might white younger women doesn't mean he gets younger women. But I'm here to suggest ladies, you should never compromise who you are just to be in a relationship. I would much rather you to be single and happy than to be in a relationship that makes you unhappy just because you have a relationship. Now that's my invitation for you. You have to decide what works best in your life. But that's my answer to your question, and I hope it helped, but that's my perspective on it. So thank you so much, Jenny. I really appreciated that question. All right, all right, Denise writes, question, what if he's a great guy and amazing human but a challenging relationship partner because of trauma history? What if he's a great guy and amazing human but a challenging relationship partner for trauma history? I love this question. So if you're in relationship with this person and they genuinely want to heal their trauma, I highly recommend that he attends the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. Now here's the book, The Hoffman Process, which you can do at home. But if he could go to the actual Hoffman process, I believe there's one in Northern California and I think there's one in Connecticut and they're all over the world. I mean, some parts of the world. This is a great place for him to heal his childhood wounds and traumas, which will then free up his space to actually heal any adult traumas he might have experienced. And for you, I highly recommend it as well. And I would also recommend that if he's done, but he has to want to do the work to heal the trauma. If he, and by the way, folks, I'm a big proponent of therapy. What I'm not a big proponent is a lot of therapy is one hour a week with no real work in between. I'm here to suggest folks, the real problem with human beings, and this relates to therapy, is we spend more time brushing our teeth, getting our hair done, getting dressed up, all fancy. We spend more time each day doing that than actually filling our soul with meditation, with therapy, with watching videos that can heal our lives to reading the books I'm talking about. I didn't get to where I'm at cavalierly by doing it once a week for an hour. I've been doing a deep dive once a day for one to two hours a day to shore up my inner peace because the reality is most humans are suffering on the inside in some way, shape, or form of not feeling good enough, not feeling loved, and not feeling likable. So it starts by doing work. And let me just say I've done 3,000 hours of work in which it sounds voluminous, if you will. But most of that was to help prepare me for my craft. The average person doesn't need that much time to get to a place of consciousness, of awakeness, of being able to look inward and say, I can go past my traumas and move past this. And then if he does get past it, I highly recommend the two of you doing this work in the book Eight Dates to determine if you're a right partnership for one another. Because many of two people are not a good fit for one another because they don't share the same values, their lifestyles aren't blendable, or as I said before, the emotional maturity. So Denise, great question. Thank you so much. I hope I answered it for you. Thanks a bunch. All right, let's keep going. Robin says, I agree. Cece says, Jonathan, do you believe ex-lovers can have a healthy relationship after four years of separation? If they both want to have a healthy relationship, they certainly can. The separation isn't the issue. The question is, how are you gonna get back together? And have you really improved or healed whatever caused the breakup? But you said lover and not boyfriend or husband. So it's very hard unless you're on the same page. And Cece, it's not about being back together. It is, what do you want if you're back together? What does a relationship look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? Ladies, I swear to you, one of my greatest frustrations with most of you is you're living in this fantasy realm, going back to the movies, the notebook and serendipity, and such as if a relationship is just simple as just two people being together. If you don't know the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship, if you don't share the same values, if your lifestyles aren't blendable, and again, if you don't have emotional maturity, you can be back together, but what are you building together? This is the problem with midlife relationships as they have no clue how to build a relationship together. This is why I continually recommend reading the book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zuccott, because this is both an inner journey that can help two people get ready for an epic relationship if that's what they want. And then I would highly recommend reading the book, Maiding and Captivity, Captivity by Esther Perrell, and why I recommend this book is one of the challenges in most relationships is they lose that erotic connection with one another. They're not investing in the erotic connection of the relationship, and then the relationships start to lose attraction for one another, and then you're just going through the motions. Most couples, by the way, 50% of marriages end in divorce, but do you know the other 50% that stay together? I bet you half are more miserable together. And let's not even count the fact that second marriages ended at a much higher rate, and third marriages ended at even higher rate. It's because most people are entering into the process very cavalierly without any intentionality on being partners with one another. And I'm yelling because I wanna get your attention here. Just coming back to center. I hope I answered your question, Cece. Thank you so much. All right, Rhonda writes, is there really anyone out there male or female that is not asking for sex in the first or second date? So going back to my attraction or my relationship iceberg, you know, chemistry is incredibly... By the way, I've met women on a first date where the sexual chemistry was off the charts. I mean, we both were like this, right? But we knew nothing about each other. I mean, that's a very common experience because chemistry is brain chemicals being released in the body. Dopamine in particular, dopamine, testosterone, estrogen, and then oxytocin gets released in the body when we have sex where we're mostly women bond with men. So no, it is very common to start from a sexual perspective. Doesn't mean it has to be that way, but that's a very common way to connect with one another. Now it used to be if a guy wanted to get laid, he had to get married. And do you know courtship up until about 50 years ago lasted all of about three to six to eight weeks. I mean, two people saw each other, had intense chemistry but you couldn't get laid unless you were married. The literally the courtship process was a nanosecond, literally weeks before people. And back then, by the way, it was a lot easier to be in relationship because the most of the time their lifestyles were blendable and their values were pretty much the same because most people met in small towns and connected with one another. So they had two of the main components of compatibility. It's a clusterfuck out there because we're a melting pot now. By the way, my cup says swear a little, you'll feel better. So to answer your question, yes, it typically the magnetic attraction starts with the sexual component. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just how it is. Or it tends to be. Grace writes, great men are everywhere. They're banging my door down. Once I learned to overcome some negative self-talk, replacing it with doing something I like for myself, I get compliments, I'm assuming that's what it says. Grace is so right. When we shift the narrative, when we reframe our negative patterns, our limiting beliefs and change the story, you actually become a magnetic attractor. Ladies, I know many of you have been married and divorced and have had multiple relationships and you look down at past relationships negatively. In fact, it's interesting. Can I tell you, whenever I talk to a woman from a dating perspective and all she does is throw her ex-boyfriend or ex-spouse under the bus and saying he was the problem, I don't even bother with those women. I do not bother with those women because what they aren't looking at is the three other reasons why they were the problem in the relationship as well. I do, any person who doesn't take ownership on their part of why the relationship ended without making it about the other person, unless there was a need to call a doctor, an attorney, or a policeman. I repeat that, unless there was a need to call a doctor, attorney, or policeman, I give no validity to someone who throws their ex-partner under the bus because that tells me this is an emotionally immature person to be in relationship with. Folks, I highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This will help you learn how to communicate better. And then another book I continually recommend over and over again is How to Be an Adult in Relationship. We have so many little children, boys and girls, basically boys and girls who are in adult bodies enter a relationship who have no fucking clue how to be in a relationship other than the sexual component of it, but that dissipates very quickly because there's no attraction if you don't share the same values your lifestyles are blendable and have an emotional maturity. That attraction level will never go down and that attraction will only last for a short period of time. Oops. All right, great question or not that it was a question, but I was piggybacking on that. Great mentor everywhere. Thank you so much, Grace. I really appreciate that. Okay. Gene says, thank you to Grace. Good question. By the way, thank you for your work. I value, I have your book and on the second time read. Thank you, Lisa, big hugs to you. I appreciate that. By the way, cute picture. Jenny says, many dating coach, oh, especially if they've been wanting marriage and kids. Again, you can, by the way, think of how many people have had children and then got divorced. Listen, one of my greatest regrets is I didn't learn this stuff when I was younger in my 20s. When I say regrets, I married a woman who we weren't right for each other and we had two children together. My regret is that we weren't a happy family and that we got divorced and a lot of the baggage that came with the divorce and folks, this is hard to say, but I waste a lot of years being fucked up because I didn't know this shit younger and I waste a lot of years not really appreciating my children for so long. And of course, you know, I lost a child. So I'm getting emotional right now because I wished, I wished, I wished we learned this stuff when we were younger. I do my best now with my oldest son. There's a picture of Colin. He's a great kid and I do my best to integrate him with all this work. And I continually talked to him about this at age 25. My parents, listen, I was raised with two parents and I saw them as the fantasy. Two parents that were together 66 years is what I mean. I fantasized their relationship like it was the movie, The Notebook, not understanding that they had troubles and issues and I glorified it in my head, but I had no tools. I didn't have any tools to be in a healthy, happy relationship. So listen, I'm grateful I have to, I'm grateful I gave my wife gave birth to two great children. I'm saddened that we weren't a good match together so we could be a family together and that to this day still haunts me on some level because I was clueless. I was very egotistical when I was younger. I was more focused on making money for the family and not being a family. So I don't encourage anyone to settle just to have a family and kids because you don't wanna end up divorced and the negativity that comes with divorce these days is horrific because we don't know how to uncouple in a conscious way. This is why I recommend the book, Conscious Uncoupling, Conscious Uncoupling by Catherine Woodward Thomas. I highly recommend this book so we can learn how to break up in a healthier way because the sad part is the divorce industry is booming for the attorneys and not for the couples who go through the nightmare because they didn't choose the right partner and sadly in many cases, they settled for the wrong partner. Elise, that's how I feel about that, Jenny. Thank you so much. Great question. All right. Don't forget, by the way, if I'm providing value for you guys, please purchase the super stickers, super chat. Please help build that scholarship fund. I'd be truly grateful for that because I'd like to think I'm giving good content here. So if I'm making a difference, even a small donation with a super sticker, super chat would be too truly appreciated. All right, Sal writes, question. Childhood wounds that create a type of attachment style can attachment style change from adult trauma cheating or is it limiting beliefs from trauma that change in adult? Great question. Let me just say this. There's childhood wounds and traumas and then there's adult traumas. I repeat that there's childhood wounds and traumas and there's adult traumas. We all experienced childhood wounds and traumas and this can even be when you've been in happy when you had really good parents because as a child, it's difficult for us to perceive the world as an adult. So something as simple as your mother scolding you and you could have had a great mom but it could have had a traumatic effect on you as a child or let me give you an example. My third grade teacher, I studied really hard for a math exam and I created a little crib notes to help me prepare for my math exam. I was reading it, reading it, reading it and I put it in my desk and when I took the test I was the only kid that aced it. So the teacher was like, wow, Jonathan did a great job on this and then for whatever reason she stops, goes to my desk, opens up my desk, there's my preparation notes and she looked at the classroom and said, you're a cheater. I'm like, I study, well first off as a child that was a traumatic effect. I mean, I'm gonna tell you something. She said I was stupid and I cheated in front of the classroom and even to this day after all these years, this has had a dramatic effect on my life where I've thought I was stupid and I actually used to be a good student before that and I was a terrible student after that and it's taken me a lifetime to heal from that particular event. So that's the childhood piece. Now let's talk about the adult piece. Divorce is one of the number one traumas adults go through along with health issues, work issues and sadly even someone like myself who lost a child when we lose people in our lives. These can be traumatic effects and cheating as mentioned could be a very traumatic effect that requires a lot of healing. This is why if there's ever been cheating, I highly recommend reading the book by Dr. Sherry Myers called Chatting or Cheating to learn how to heal and rebuild a relationship if there's ever been infidelity. So to answer your question, a lot of human beings are hurting out there. They're hurting in their heart. Now it's not your job as a woman to heal a man, it is his job to heal himself and you can be there as a support person but be careful because ladies you oftentimes choose broken men thinking once they're healed these guys will be your hero and what a lot of these guys do is once if they've done even some tiny bit of healing they go find a bright shiny penny elsewhere because of the shame they felt while you were experiencing their trauma. Choose people already doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work is my invitation and choose people that have at least done some therapy or something before you get involved in a relationship with them. Now, here's the thing. If I was in relationship with someone when I lost Connor that's okay because that's even though as traumatic as that is and that might cause a breakup in relationship too. That might could for some people because they weren't able to handle it thankfully because I did this. I did the self-work love ahead of time. It was a vaccination to emotional chaos and that's what I want to invite everybody to do so they don't end up like that. Sal, great question. Thank you so much. I hope it helped. I want to thank Christine for the super sticker of $5. I really appreciate you say thank you for your amazing advice, Jonathan. Christine, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Christine Sunrise, thank you. All right. Oh, there's the super sticker that she just purchased. Thank you so much, Christine. I appreciate it. All right. Robin says, I'm sorry you went through that, Jonathan. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. All right, let's see if we have any other questions. Oh, Paula purchased the super sticker. Thank you so much. I didn't see it. All right. Donabee says, you are speaking many valuable statements. Thank you so much. Valerie says, you're right, Jonathan. No one should settle to not be single wrong decision. I agree. Thank you so much. Donna says, never settle. There are too many ways to help you become a parent. Interesting point of view, but yes, you are correct. Kimberly writes, Jonathan, question. Hi, Jonathan. Why is it so hard to get guys who wanna actually meet instead of text, text, text? It seems like all they like, the attention off the women, seems like online dating has gone awry. Kimberly, great question. Now, speaking from the male perspective, I experienced the exact same thing. So this isn't a male thing. This is a human thing because these little devices give us a temporary hit when we connect with someone. And yet for a variety of reasons, we may not wanna engage. For the most part, I'm gonna tell you for me, I might temporarily engage with someone because their profile is somewhat interesting to me, but it didn't capture me. It didn't make me go, wow, I wanna meet this person. Like, I'd like to think my profile, when someone reads it, it's wow, I wanna meet that person. That's the way I created my dating profile. I looked at it as, how am I gonna promote myself? So someone says, wow. In fact, even one of the sentences in my match.com profile says, I hope you experience a wow from reading this and I hope you reach out to me. In other words, if I don't see your profile, maybe you reach out to me. So one of the problems is that they're not feeling a wow to wanna meet you, but they're feeling a little bit of connection because let's face it, human beings are rather lonely right now. We're coming off the tail end of a pandemic where we've been cooped up and craving connection and sex. Let me repeat that. Most humans are craving connection and sex. And so even a temporary hit from these, the dopamine hit that comes from these dating sites is part of the reason why. Look it, I said this before, I said it again. It's a cluster fuck out there. You just have to remember and let me just encourage you all to do this. There's a great, there's, my guy is out there. My guy is out there. It's raining men. My guy is out there. It's raining men. My guy is looking for me. My guy is looking for me. I'm gonna put myself out there to be seen so he can find me. I'm gonna do a great job of making sure he can find me. I'm gonna do such a great job to make sure he can find me. That's just gonna be easy. So the minute he sees me, he texts me and says I wanna meet you right away. That's the energy you wanna put out there instead of the oh, man are jerks and they only wanna text and blah, blah, blah. And I understand your question but let me just say to you this, there it's raining great guys start putting that energy out there because all it takes is one folks. Look it, 999 guys out of 1,000 can be assholes. You don't care about that. You care about that one guy who's aligned to who you are, what you want, your lifestyles are blendable. You've got emotional maturity and then you have chemistry and then the attraction will take over just like in the relationship iceberg. Great question, Kimberly, thank you so much. All right, Jenny says, my regret is I didn't do the work younger too. I'm grateful your wisdom and your help. It's better late than never, we are all healing. Exactly, that's why I'm doing this work for you all. Jackie repeats what I said, dating is a clusterfuck, why date? All right, great question. All right, look at this folks, I'm gonna be very blunt with you. There's a good chance that 80% of you won't ever find a really great relationship. I'll be blunt. I know every dating coach is gonna tell you otherwise, but the truth is you've got a 20% chance of getting lucky out there. Here's the deal, if you wanna be in that 20%, then do the work I'm recommending. That's number one, to get you into the 20% that actually has a chance. Then put such a great representation out there for you out there so the guy can find you. But let me tell you something, 99% of you, and these are when you women are watching me right now, I go through these dating apps and I look at the effort. Here, let's go to Bumble right now. I mean, just as an example. I'm sorry, bear with me a second. Let me just show you some of the crap I see. I'm just trying to give you an example. Well, I just swiped on the wrong. Let me just find another one. That's not fair. By the way, the only reason why I'm swiping is I don't wanna call out some human being unnecessarily, but most, it's like pictures where there's sunglasses, you can't see their face in the first picture. There's a picture of the sushi plate that they ate as their first. Like, here's one, look at this. Half of the photograph, see, this isn't an example of crap. Who's gonna wanna swipe on someone who didn't put together a quality photograph? And she only has one photograph in there. That's from the male perspective, ladies. I know you're looking at men and their photographs are crap. But the reason why we date, ultimately, I look at this. A friend of mine, I got really down after my significant relationship and I broke up and I was depressed, very depressed. And I was like, I'm giving up on love and I don't ever wanna love again. And my friend said to me, so Jonathan, love is a risk. It's a big risk to put yourself out there. He said, though, it's the best game in town. Folks, I'm here to tell you when we shift our narrative from all the negativity of the dating realm, even when I'm pointing out the negativity and you come at it from a place of loving on yourself and knowing that epic love can actually come into your life when you start epic loving on yourself, you can put yourself out there. And still, you don't have to get frustrated, depressed, angry, bitter, or jaded over the process. You can actually step into positivity when you can appreciate that a great guy could just be around the corner. And that, by the way, folks, look it. I wake up every day going, you know what? My woman could find me or I could find her. Not that I start with it every morning like that, but in once throughout each day, I go, today could be the day. It could be Groundhog Day. And guess what? I'll go through 30 years of hell to find my epic love and I'd rather look at it that way than look at it from the negativity. By the way, you have a choice. Which wolf do you wanna feed? The negative wolf or the positive wolf? The red pill or the blue pill? That's the way I look at it. That's my invitation for all of you. I hope that helped, Jackie. Thank you so much for that question, for that post. All right, oops, we already got that one. Let's see, question, Sharon writes. Question, help, I'm 71. It's challenging on dating sites. I'm on as men aren't interested when they see my age. I state intentions. By the way, I worked, now 71's a little bit older, but I worked with a woman 68 years old. She, I can say her name publicly because she's now become a dear friend, Miriam. Met Alan, he was 69. They, no, maybe they were 67 and 68. They met on a dating site. Oh God, what was it called? Stitch. A lot of people meet on that, the older site and I just went brain dead. There's a couple of hour time and such like that. They met, fell in love, got married within 14 months of meeting and they're happily married and I've broken bread with them a number of times. And that was 68, 69 years old. Is the like, by the way, is the likelihood high? No, the likelihood is low as we age. But you know what, I just looked at it this way. It only takes 15 minutes a day to put yourself out there, 15 minutes a day of effort and that's it. And then go back about your day because you could wake up and never know. Just like on Groundhog Day, he could, every day he put it, he basically, Groundhog Day is a perfect analogy. He eventually learned how to love, by the way, a great analogy is the movie Groundhog Day because he worked on him. Once he got past the egoic part of his life and started to work on himself, he learned how to play the piano and the other things. He eventually was in such a good place of loving himself that he was able to free himself from this trap. This is what we're dealing with. Now, granted, it's a movie, but it's a great metaphor, a great metaphor from learning to love yourself every day because you never know what's gonna happen the next day and that's how he approached it and that's my invitation for you. Sharon, thank you for your question. All right. Kathy says, oh my God, I'm a third grade teacher. I'm extra sensitive to my students and never wanna traumatize them. Well, I grew up in an era where, by the way, teachers used to take the ruler and beat you up when that should happen. The nurses of Nice says, wow, the Hoffman process is so popular, all of the classes are sold out for the rest of the year. That's how great this is. That's why buying the book makes a big difference. By the way, the questionnaire to the Hoffman process takes 10 hours to complete. Let me repeat that. It takes 10 hours just to complete the questionnaire. You can actually learn and grow much about yourself just from the questionnaire. Nurses and nieces, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Pat says, sorry, Jonathan, I'm positive Connors looking down proud. I think so too. I think so too. You know, I get a lot of negative flak. I get a lot of negative flak out there. And how I look, by the way, chapter five in my book, here. Chapter five in my book. What's it say? Don't let anyone fuck with your chi. Don't let anyone, this was actually based on Connors. He had this beautiful ability to not let shit bother him. He was, you know, as a child, he really beat to his own drum. You know kids that beat to their own drum. I mean, Colin was the, my oldest was the studious one. He's the Stepford kid. I mean, straight A student, magna cum laude from college. I mean, just a really good soul, good spirit. Connor was James Dean. He beat to his own drum, but he had this wonderful ability to not let other people's opinion of him affect how he felt about himself. So when I wrote the book, it was with him in mind. And his spirit was speaking to me throughout. And to this day, he still, sometimes I curse him for leaving me. I do, I curse him for leaving me. Leaving us, I should say, not just me, but his brother and his mom and all those that love him. But I know, and I know that his spirit resides in me. And so I invite you all to take the spirit of love. Take the spirit of love within you because that's what he represents now to me is love. Get busy living, get busy dying. What movie quote is that? That's my invitation for you all. A great book to read along the journey is Marianne Williamson's book, Return to Love. I highly recommend reading this book on your journey to loving on yourself. And just to kind of bring this back together, how do you find epic love? It starts by putting the oxygen mask on yourself first. And listen, I've told you that, look at, I'm being real with you. It's a cluster fuck out there. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But there is a pony in the shit. But the pony in the shit starts by loving on yourself. And it doesn't matter if you're in relationship with a man because you don't need a man or I don't need a woman to love me so I can feel good about myself. What I honestly recommend for you is do the work. I know some of you are complaining but Jonathan, I don't wanna do this work. I just want magic fairy dust to change all this. Look at, I'm the coach that's not blowing smoke up your ass. I'm not selling you on the narrative of leaning back in your feminine energy because the man will claim you because men are chivalrous. Look at, it's a mess out there. But you have a choice. Do you wanna be in that 80% that doesn't have a relationship or do you wanna be in that 20%? And when you're in that 20% then you have to start looking for the pony in the shit rather than focusing on the shit. And that's how you attract epic love in your life. Be a bitch, a babe or beauty in total control of herself. That's my invitation for all of you. Is it sinking in? Is it resonating? Please let me know. If this live stream made a difference please hit that thumbs up and please share this with 10 friends when it wraps up. You'd be doing me a great service. And lastly, any super stickers and super chats are greatly appreciated because I do a lot of work, I do a lot here for you. And my hope is I'm making a difference in your life and I'd like you to help me continue this so I can make a difference in all of your lives. By the way, really quickly those are my best friends, Jeff and Dawn and that's my mom and dad shortly before my mom passed away. And by the way, I do change all these pictures every single time for those of you that do ask. I do change those pictures all the time. I purchase something called Mix Tiles, Mix Tiles on my app to order these. They're seven, eight, 10 bucks a piece. And my invitation is you can get those. I'm gonna do a little PR for them. I'm not getting paid for it. Anyways, I think this will be a great place to wrap up for today. I hope I found out, I gave you value today. Please let me know. Say amen, give me a thumbs up. Say you rock, Jonathan. Just let me know that this is making a difference and give me that thumbs up. We're gonna wrap up today as we always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful, fantastic day. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.