 Dr. Bright is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter decaying. Telling new researchers that you contain SCP-682 with a rolled-up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out. SCP-018 is not to be taunted. Giving 113 of the diogenes is just pointless. Attempting to disprove 343-234-3 is a horrible idea. Scientists are still studying the resulting paperweight, supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it. While it is true that no one expects the SCP Inquisition, that is only because there is no such thing. Dr. Bright is not king of anywhere. Or queen. SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes. Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no. Not even if Dr. Palmer asked nicely. There is no market for SCP brand pornography, no. Not even in Germany. Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Kleff's shotgun shell with any of the following. Birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or glitter. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark. Victims of SCP-217 are not toys. Nor are they to be used as props at a steampunk convention. Dr. Bright is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their souls. Not even if he can get them a good deal. Don't let Dr. Bright get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim. Not allowed to go off my medication. May not use any form of the word accident as an excuse. Violate the dress code, even on casual Fridays. No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bright, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code. If an SCP file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. Yes it is. No it's not, and Dr. Bright may not edit this document. SCP-437 is not to be handed out of weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers. Data redacted on O5 request. Not even for recreational use. Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam mail to the Church of the Broken God. Not allowed to lead a mobile task force against a UIU under any circumstances without inviting Dr. Cliff. At all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any mobile task force at all times. Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. But is allowed to end with lyrics from the safety dance. The interpretive dance routine, however, is forbidden until you get lessons for the foreseeable future. Dr. Bright is not allowed anywhere near Redizan's festival, especially not with D-Class and Garb. SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer. If a mind-controlling SCP is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance himself or others higher in the Foundation. Dr. Bright is not a superhero of any sort, head of public relations, in charge of orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of site command, made out of bacon, in possession of an IQ over 300, head of SCP review, or a member of maintenance staff. Sorry, boys, Dr. Bright is a member of site command. It's usually best not to ask why. It's O5 Commander thinking of. There is no ethics committee, and even if there was, does anyone believe Dr. Bright would be on it? Is anything other than a what-not-to-do? No longer allowed to make up jodies from mourning calisthenics. Yes, this includes the Mickey Mouse Club song. Dr. Bright is not allowed to apply SCP-963 to any major political figures. Again. Dr. Bright is not from an alternate timeline. Dr. Bright cannot issue orders to preserve the timeline, or to corrupt the timeline, or to screw with those history nerds. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, and then to give them SCP-572. Dr. Bright is not allowed near SCP-555-J in any way or any excuse. Remember what the miniature version did to Dr. ██████████? Dr. Kleff and Dr. Bright are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator. Dr. Kondracky does not count as a responsible administrator, nor does Agent Strzelenokov or Dr. Mann. In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period. Chainsaws are not the solution to every question. There is more chainsaws! Or chainsaw cannons. Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome. SCP-Speed dating never happened. Anyone who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class-A amnesiacs. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any SCP to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality-based television shows, including but not limited to Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any dating show in BH-1. Not even if Dr. Wright's asked nicely. Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer spakings to Dr. Wright's punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken. No, it doesn't matter if they are both consenting adults, no matter how much either of them argue otherwise. Dr. Wright is not allowed to spank the monkey, nor is she allowed to shock the monkey, or anything else related to the monkey. SCP-082 had not to be given song requests, especially not like a version. Accidentally spilling green gelatin on a dead body in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khaki spoiled a moment. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to utter the phrase, more than 1,000 babies, in the presence of any SCP personnel. Nothing in the Foundation has rated over 9,000! Stop posting classified information on 4chan. No using SCP-705 for personal gain, or to plant monitoring equipment, and absolutely no giving them tons of extra play-doh just to see what they can make. That mecha was damned annoying. If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right. If it involves something right, it did it wrong. If Dr. Bright has to ask, it's above his clearance level. If it's above Bright's security clearance, run. Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing, or person. Foundation credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography. Not even anomalous pornography. Dr. Bright is not a marital aid, and cannot refer to himself as such, especially on official documents. Dr. Bright is not the Lord of Rodley Might, and is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of SCPs to simulate the real danger. Dr. Bright is not allowed to go to fan conventions, let alone use them as recruitment drives, especially not at furry conventions. When writing a report, more detail is expected than Object Class Keeter, Special Containment Procedures, Data Expunge, Description, Data Expunged, and inventing new security clearances just so nobody can see what you've written is also considered poor form. Showing Monty Python episodes to SCP-239 was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality-warping SCP. For the Emperor is not an acceptable justification for any decision. My evil twin did it, is no longer considered a viable excuse, nor is my good twin did it, considering the implications. Yes, forum trolls are annoying, no, they don't automatically become D-Class personnel. Dr. Bright is not allowed to lace orgasm muffins with X-Lax, again. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send emails with memetic hazards attached, not even when replying to spam. The ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny is not grounds to pet more than 15 combat of SCPs, including SCP-682 and Abel, against each other. Weeding out some of these angsty teens with attitude problems, however, is. Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer free hugs, not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J, not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J, not allowed to play any type of ball game with SCP-2558-J. Any proposal which includes the phrase, metric fuckload, is straight out denied. Instances of SCP-2558-J-EX are not to be spooked when being held by members of O5. No instances of SCP-2558-J should be anywhere near an O5, let alone SCP-2558-J-EX. The Foundation motto is, Secure, Contain, Protect, not any of the following. That's it, you're on cuter duty. Can we put it in 9-1-4? Blood makes the grass grow, kill, kill, kill. Fuck trees, I climb clouds, motherfucker. Someone is getting stabbed, but some days it should be. Whose hand is that? If all else fails, poop on it. If all else fails, there's always the sun. We need bigger kittens. Fuck death, war, famine and pestilence. We got cleft gears, kondracky and bright. Throw D-class at it until it stops. 447 and dead bodies, two great tastes that taste great together. The FBI are a bunch of pansies. Who wants to see what I can make the President do in public? For the horde, science for the science-god. Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558. When in doubt, feed it to 682. First stick, clowns and puns. Drop the blanket now. Seduction, coitus and pregnancy. We always need more DACA. Stay alive and found a cake. Don't worry, O5 won't ever figure it out. Will it blend? Commies love us. Snap, crackle and pop. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play Hippocratic O-Chicken with the medical staff. A full minute of stunned silence means, my god, what did you do? Please, continue. Pranks placed in the new staff's desk are not funny because they liquefied in record time. Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and unipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local spacetime, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status. Despite its doctoral degree, Dr. Bright is not allowed to either prescribe or administer any of the following. Enema's, homeopathic remedies, any sort of medication, free hugs, the healing power of laughter, sexual healing, more cowbell, Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to offer the solution of, use more guns to any problem, or get bigger guns. Despite what he may say in any evidence, no matter how plausible, the SCP Foundation has never, and will never be associated with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And regardless of what Dr. Bright may say, he is not, and I quote, a real-life wizarding tutor. Nor is he a vampire. That was body glitter and bad acting. And despite what the computer file on him may say, he is not Moideab. The spice can flow just fine without him. The Tamlin House School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is just a plain bad idea. Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that anyone is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of breasts under laboratory conditions. If Dr. Bright is ever found under the influence of any recreational substance, he must immediately be contained under level 15 containment. If you want to know why, please refer to the security tape for ████ between the hours of ████ and ████. If Dr. Bright is found deliberately getting high to get out of paperwork, he is to be placed in a type 4 cell and hosed down with cold water from a pressurized hose for no less than 5 minutes. Maybe this will teach you that drugs are bad, mmkay? Cthulhu and Erlie are not valid reasons to send Pandora's box out into the Pacific Ocean in order to capture them. Furthermore, these are not even SCPs, and I will find a person who decided to enter a database file for them. Dr. Bright is not allowed to upload visual memetic kill agents to 4chan, 7chan, any image board. Well, okay, maybe to 4chan, it'd be doing the gene pool of service. Dr. Bright cannot change the standard-issued D-Class uniform to black pants and a red polo shirt. I see a reason, but we just don't want to be associated with Star Trek. No matter how many times he may claim it, no matter how many uniforms we may confiscate, Dr. Bright is not a ninja, nor has he ever been. No, not even if he uses SCP-281 to do it. There are no security codes for Zombie Kongaline, Badass Hat, Vampire Kankan, Disco Intense Homo eroticism, Extreme Crotch Violence, Man in Disguise of the Palm Tree, Man with Porn Stash, Kung Fu Rasta, Puppy Eating Monks, Justifiable Homicide of All You Dumbass Mother Humpers, Bright Family Reunion, Code Brown, Find a Place to Hide, Make Sure You Leave an Offering of Booze Outside Your Door, Dr. Kondraki Beach Party. Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he is THE doctor, no matter how many British men he possesses. No, SCP-963 has not proof against us, nor has any structure that results from placing SCP-184 inside of a police call box. Adopting female members of the staff and calling them companions is right out. SCP-297 is NOT a sonic screwdriver. The doctor who? While humor can be an effective way to improve staff morale, it is highly inappropriate to make your mum jokes in the vicinity of SCP-597. Dr. Bright may not classify any researcher, including himself, as a memetic hazard. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets. Your soul, anyone else's soul, virgin's blood, reproductive organs, SCP's, memories, real or imagined. Pieces of your past, I have no idea how that worked with Clef, but apparently he can do it! The island of Manhattan, beads, first born children, second born children, red-headed step-children, rented mules, gold spun from straw, a child's laughter, a child's tears, virginity, ponies, anyone's grandmother, anyone's grandfather, anyone's sister, any blood relative. No matter how many times he photoshopped himself into a picture of SCP-682 and no lo- No matter how many times he photoshopped himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possessed, Bright is not, and never was, the crocodile hunter. Nor does every SCP-D-class really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum, and he is not allowed to do that RIGHT NOW! As funny as Incident-387-682-dash was, Dr. Bright had not allowed unsupervised access to SCP-387. Researchers are still trying to figure out how an animate model of 682 was so invulnerable, despite only being made of just plastic blocks. Dr. Bright had not allowed to tell new researchers experimenting on SCP-168 to divide by 0, find the square root of negative 1, or find the last digit of Pi using the SCP. Dr. It's still comatose, and 168 itself is quite displeased with the event. Dr. Bright had not allowed to use examples from Star Trek when administering Turing tests to artificial intelligences of any sort. Computer hardware did not grow on trees, dammit! Dr. Bright had not allowed to plant SCP-238-3-J into science labs, we're still picking up complaints from the Office of Stephen Hawking. No, not even for the good of science! Or even as science for the science-god! Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-587 to re-enact the locker scene from Men in Black, nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants. Nor is he allowed to set himself up as a god to them. Testing between SCP-786 and SCP-587 is also banned. David and Goliath's scenario is just as harmful to its inhabitants as the Godzilla incident. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-786 to simulate dwarf fortresses. Dr. Bright is not allowed to show SCP-682 any of the following. Any Uwee Bowl movies, The Room, Troll 2, Manos to Hands of Fate, movies considered so bad they're good, movies considered cult classics. You know what? Dr. Bright is just not allowed to show SCP-682 any movies at all. Ever. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim SCP-014-J had breached containment and then leave a dining fork in the hallway. Dr. Bright is not O5-J. No such position exists at this time. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-239 a copy of any Harry Potter books. What did you do? Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-141 to give people parking tickets. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send anything into the past, future, or to alternate dimensions. Dr. Bright is not allowed to accuse people of being duplicates of himself with the intention of having them terminated, unless they actually are duplicates of himself. Dr. Kleff is not allowed to convince people Dr. Bright is a copy of him. Dr. Bright may not put a cup of orgasm from SCP-294 through SCP-914 in a very fine setting. Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a cup of memetic orgasm and use it on worldwide television. Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient, or otherwise. Given the results of requesting a cup of Dear God No, Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing. Given that he asked another staff member to request a cup of Explodium from SCP-294 to see what would happen, Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him, no matter how instructive, funny, or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963. Dr. Bright is not allowed to make, accept, or take a rake off on bats concerning XK-class end-of-the-world scenarios. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed access to SCP-732-infected documents along with SCP-239. MTF Lambda-2 has been dispatched to contain Chowder Kleff. Dr. Bright is not allowed to organize, authorize, or create in any form a Foundation demolition derby, starring SCP-2383-J, 708-666-J, 2558-J, 1543-J, 2041-J, 2103-J, 968-462-115, and 225 for the grand finale. No. Just no. Not even if you try to throw in 682 trying to disguise it as a termination attempt. Dr. Bright is not allowed to get on the PA system at Site-19 and announce that he has just won the game. You know what? Dr. Bright is just never allowed on the PA system for any reason. Ever. Dr. Bright is not allowed to request access to all cubicle SCPs to make a fort of any kind. Dr. Bright is not allowed to play hot potato with SCP-963. Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange, schedule, advertise, promote, or sell tickets to cage matches between Able and 682, any SCPs. We don't care how many O5s agree to it and how many precedents there are. Dr. Bright is not allowed to pet SCP. Dr. Bright is not allowed to combine a cadaver infected with SCP-008 with SCP-217. Dr. Bright and Clef are no longer allowed to engage in research, any activity involving 40 gallons, more than a pound, any amount of Superballs. Also the aforementioned are not to convince blackmail, compel D-Class personnel, anybody into conducting such activities for them. Dr. Bright is not allowed to lease out SCP-002, even, especially if he includes the option to buy. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dress up as Joseph Stalin and ambush agent Strelnikov in the hallways. Actually, Dr. Bright shouldn't be allowed to dress up as any communist dictator. There's no way it could end well. Dr. Bright is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu, more than a day in advance, 6 hours in advance, at all, nor is he to get anyone else to access it for him, directly or indirectly. Dr. Bright is not allowed to introduce small children to the giving tree. Dr. Bright is not allowed to borrow SCP-159 for his office. Dr. Bright is not allowed near any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos-branded mints. The last time that happened, he somehow managed to cause an earthquake in the east coast of the United States. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim responsibility for earthquakes and other natural disasters unless he is actually responsible for them. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare new personnel, anyone, to play peek-a-boo with either SCP-569 or SCP-173. When ordering things online, send them the PO box ██████ and not directly the Site-19. Again, we've already had three postmen show up at the front door, how did they even find us? Dr. Bright is not to give directions of Site-19 to non-foundation personnel. The SCP Foundation does not have any such position as Chief Defense Distrator. Wrong. Agent Clef is not allowed to create new positions. Any proposed containment procedure that includes the phrase Giant Robot is to be automatically rejected. The Force is not the same as the Force, therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Team Fortress 2. Yes, a medic gun would be a useful tool for the Foundation medical staff. No, we are not going to waste any more SCP-500 attempted to make one, especially not after SCP-427. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Minecraft either. Also, your Diamond Pickaxe has been confiscated. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell future hosts that you are about to become very bright. And you can't tell anyone that possession of 910 to the law. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to D-Class personnel with extra lives. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send SCP-1004 over an email message. No matter the electricity savings, no product of SCP-158 is to be used for illumination. SCP-001 is not Dr. Bright's penis. The hammer is not his penis. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use his genitals for construction purposes. Dr. Bright possesses the ability of consciousness transfer and the artifact SCP-963. He did not possess any of the following. Laser Eyes Laser Nostrils Laser A Green Red Any Lantern Ring An Adamantium Skeleton Anduril Molnir A Map Leading to All the Nazi Gold The Ancient Medallion A Copy of the Necronomicon A King James Version of the Necronomicon Cybernetic Implants of Any Kind The Dragonzord I don't care how you did it, put it back! The Seventh Element of Harmony Infallible Gator Infallible Judar The Touch The Power The Secret Telepathy Telekinesis The Original Filming Model of Anti-Fictional Spacecraft Leet Haxer Skills The Sixth Sense The ability to distinguish between butter and I can't believe it's not butter. If Dr. Bright's current form is sighted near an armory without express permission, initiate evacuation procedure. Dr. Bright is not allowed to test SCP-826 with his self-authored comic book entitled Dr. Bright and the 79 Virgins, Playboy magazines, anything. Bright is a genius, second best only to meh. He and I are buds, lolz. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-732 access to this document. Dr. Bright is not allowed to give any SCP access to this document without O5 approval. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new D-Class personnel that SCP-439 has escaped into the barracks. Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince other personnel that they are actually Dr. Bright. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge SCP-082 to a drinking contest, even if he's positive he can win. We have never had a Jamaican vacation giveaway. Dr. Bright is not in charge of it and SCP-342 is not the official Foundation travel voucher. Dr. Bright is not allowed to access the SCP-243 except under strict supervision. I think we all remember the great marital aid migration of 2011. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving any sort of vehicle. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving anything. Dr. Bright is not allowed to access the IT department hotline, access the IT department database, access any networking equipment belonging to the IT department. Dr. Bright is not to bring samples of SCP-1361 to Foundation potlucks, barbecues or charity food drives. SCP-963 is not a soul gem and making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a magical girl, not even if he includes a magical girl outfit. SCP-963 is not the soul gem. Bright does not have access to the Infinity Gauntlet. Please stop glaring at people who annoy you and snapping. SCP-137 is never to be used on sex toys. Under no circumstances has Dr. Bright allowed to expose SCP-137 to Warhammer 40,000 minifigures. Again, not even in an attempt to terminate SCP-682. Or anything made by wondertainment. Not allowed to have Abel get into arguments before him trolls. Dr. Bright is not allowed to go trick-or-treating. Ever. Abel is not Kratos. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to produce, create or remind staff of SCP-Robot Wars. Copies of SCP-1981 are not to be submitted to America's funniest home videos. Or posted on YouTube. Or on Euphorne. Or to Tosh.0. Dr. Bright is not allowed to just say no to O5 orders on the grounds that they are instances of SCP-5200-J. Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to O5 command, MTF commanders, the janitor, any foundation personnel as the cool kids. Dr. Bright is not the final boss of anything. Dr. Bright is not the final boss of anything. Dr. Bright has not won the internet. He has not authorized to declare that any other individual has done so. Nor is he allowed to claim or distribute instances of SCP-335 under said premise. Dr. Bright is not to show junior staffers his QT mark. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-137 on any Hasbro product. Dr. Bright is not allowed to take SCP-1187 for a morning ride. Dr. Bright is not allowed to submit any incident reports to the Darwin Awards. Not even if you're sure it would win. Dr. Bright is not allowed to teach SCP-1370 to play multiplayer video games. It was not an improvement giving it the vocabulary of the average pre-teen... player, or introducing it to the concept of teabagging. The iPods do not need hats, bow ties, or any other form of clothing. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use expunged data in SCP reports as mad libs. Robo-Doo did not appease to the Broken God. Dr. Bright is not allowed to create an anatomically correct body pillow modeled after SCP-173, SCP-105, SCP-999J, SCP-076-02, and Dr. Crow. The following are not appropriate sources for D-Class personnel. Temp agencies, Craigslist, reality show talent pools, Jerry Springer tapings, orphans, urchins, ragamuffins, those sons of bitches who scratched up my paint job at the car wash, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, ex-partners of any gender variation whatsoever, staff members and laws, YouTube comment threads, forum trolls, angsty teens, bad applications to the SCP Foundation, two exceptions have been made, but the rest are off limits. Occupy Wall Street, the Tea Party, the Green Party, the Green Party, the Gathering of the Juggalos, how the fuck do they work? The following items are not SCPs. Rainbows, double rainbows, rain booms, whether Sonic or otherwise, the tides, the moon, fucking magnets, rocks that skipped three times before they go into water, soy cheese, hippies, hipsters, mills, g-mills, GG mills, actually funny SNL skits, as these do not exist they cannot be SCPs. Dr. Bright's breasts, people who can solve Rubik's cubes of any size, shiny, anti-Pokémon, nobody ever refers to Dr. Bright as Tim, and he is no longer allowed to introduce new personnel to SCP-524. The platypus is not an SCP, no really, no, not even an EX. Dr. Bright is not allowed to test internet creepypasta rights using Class D personnel. SCP-963 is not a millennium item. Dr. Bright should refrain from trying to convince SCP-237 to become a brony, not even to improve his disposition. For that matter, trying to make SCP-042 a brony will just make things worse. Putting an equine, no matter how small, through SCP-914 and very fine again is strictly forbidden. No, you cannot keep it. The answer to a containment breach is never to recruit a team of teenagers with attitude, or to send five rings to five special young people, or to ask junior staffers if they are bad enough dudes to contain the breach. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim he has been trained to conquer galaxies. Dr. Bright may not attempt to neutralize SCP-682 using the power of friendship, the power of love, or any other sort of power, which has not been proven to actually exist. Dr. Bright does not remind anyone of the babe with the power of voodoo. It is not allowed to tell anyone else that they remind him of same. The chaos insurgency had no interest in summoning demons to the material universe to serve the ruinous powers of chaos, and therefore Dr. Bright had not permitted to inform new researchers otherwise. Dr. Bright is not allowed to write a SCP-582 account in order to deal with junior staff members who get on his nerves. Dr. Bright is not allowed to stick refrigerator magnets to Foundation equipment, SCP-914, SCP-882, SCP-217 victims, Peace of the Broken God, any magnetic objects within Foundation control. SCP-1916 only works of administered orally. We know this. There is no reason to test further, Dr. Bright. Why not? It is not considered authorization for SCP cross-testing. The Foundation has no mobile task force dedicated to the capture and containment of forum trolls. Dr. Bright is not allowed to found a new mobile task force dedicated to the capture and containment of forum trolls. The serpent's hand is not a synonym for masturbation. Yo mama is not so ugly SCP-096 didn't look at her. SCP-173 is not a babysitter. Having SCP-173 play Where's the Baby is downright cruel, not as Dr. Bright claims, Expretive hilarious. Dr. Bright is no longer invited to the annual Foundation Holiday Party. Dr. Bright is not allowed to host his own Foundation Holiday Party. The Foundation Holiday Party is cancelled indefinitely. SCP-682 does not have a wondertainment logo stamped on its upper pallet, or on its posterior. Playing the song Thriller in the presence of SCP-008 victims is expressly forbidden. Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them to stimulate Minecraft is also forbidden. Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims to stimulate Resident Evil is not a valid excuse either. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008. SCP-682 will not be sated by the ritual sacrifice of a virgin. Filming, directing, or performing in celebrity sex tapes are not appropriate work assignments for Mr. Deeds. Anything involving the words elephant sauce. Site-19 is still recovering from the last incident. I like a little junk in the trunk is not valid authorization to feed SCP-1575-1 to an elephant. Dr. Bright is under no circumstances to attempt possession of SCP-682. I touched SCP-1453 a little while ago is not a valid excuse for any containment breach. No shirt, no shoes, no service does not imply that pants and undergarments are not required parts of the dress code. Doubly so since no shirt, no shoes, no service is not a part of any official Foundation dress code. Dr. Bright shout not, may not begin his sentences without shout not, even especially in the presence of SCP-343. Use of double, triple, quadruple, any number of negatives to obtain security clearance will result in the repetition of kindergarten. Swift punishment. Dr. Bright is not allowed to recreate any experiment seen on the television program Mythbusters using any SCP. Especially if not if he can do it better. Regardless of whether or not it exists, Dr. Bright certainly does not enjoy diplomatic immunity as the local consul of the Islamic Republic of Eastern Samothrace. Dr. Bright is not allowed to put SCP-278 in the SCP-914 on course so I can learn to make more of them. Dr. Bright is not allowed to transfer, copy, upgrade, relocate SCP-079 onto any form of high-capacity data storage device. SCP-1156 is not Dr. Bright's royal steed. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-1543-J to launch SCP-727-J into itself. Again. Even if Dr. Bright is wearing an eyepatch, he is not allowed to keel-haul anyone, not even on Talk Like a Pirate Day. Talk Like a Pirate Day is not allowed to be celebrated at sight. Any personnel violating this rule will walk the plank, be severely disciplined. There is no such thing as Talk Like a Ninja Day, and Dr. Bright is not allowed to create it. Introducing SCP-682 to SCP-002, just to see what will happen is not recommended. Don't even think about it. I said stop thinking about it. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to interview new personnel. Even, especially not if they ask for him. Dr. Bright is not Kenny. We also ask new researchers and Bright to start referring to him, self as such. Dr. Bright is not allowed to play SCP-RULET with SCP-173, a light switch and any combination of D-Class and new personnel. Dr. Bright is not to ask SCP-738. What would you want in exchange for not making this deal with me? Dr. Bright works for the SCP Foundation, not the Terminus Foundation. He does not possess a degree in Psycho-History, and no group of interest is the second Foundation. The fact that SCP-682 regenerates all lost tissue does not make it an infinite hamburgers machine. Most especially because they taste it horrible. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-127 to place projectiles under his pillow for the Tooth Fairy to give him money. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-252 arc on Fred Phelps, any member of the Phelps family, any person or organization affiliated with the Westboro Baptist Church. Dr. Bright is not allowed to attempt a Sick the Horizon initiative on the above religious organization. Dr. Bright may not request a pool of D-Class recruited solely from members of the above religious organization. The Mana Charitable Foundation does not host an annual Labor Day telethon, and Dr. Bright is not allowed to offer the services of Foundation employees as performers or phone bank operators for such. Dr. Bright is not allowed to access the popular science magazine. That HAL-2.0 section is way too dangerous for Bright to see now that they've shown how to create cyborg cockroaches. Dr. Bright is not allowed to go on Crusade, or on Jihad. Dr. Bright has not permitted to issue fat walls against anyone or anything. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to declare, after 10,000 years I'm free, it's time to conquer Earth, upon assuming a new host. All Foundation personnel are now required to attend a seminar on the difference between an original idea and a good idea before being allowed near or continuing contact with Dr. Bright, Dr. Clef, or Dr. Kondraki. Dr. Bright does not have 10 tons of gold hidden somewhere at Site-19. SCP-963 is not to be given away as a good luck charm. Dr. Bright is not a wizard, no matter what he might tell you. He is not an alchemist either, it is not to be consulted regarding alchemical issues, or a witch. Dr. Bright is not magic and cannot perform magic, and must give sufficient explanation for any actions he undertakes. Dr. Bright is not, nor has he ever been, the undisputed SCP Intercontinental Champion. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to run through Site-19, any site while screaming, the Keter is loose, unless it is an actual emergency. Claiming it for research on the effects of social engineering is not an emergency. Nor is using it to clear out the areas Dr. Bright is otherwise restricted from entering due to reasons given on the list. Dr. Bright may not start referring to any persons or SCPs as the Keter in order to circumvent these rules, unless they are actually classified as Keter. Dr. Bright is not allowed to perform any tests or experiments utilizing the reproductive organs of any dead or living being, including himself. Dr. Bright may not tell D-Class personnel, newly recruited staff, anyone that SCP-920 will show them to their quarters. Again, we are still looking for 12-D-Class personnel who have disappeared in the Pyrenees. Dr. Bright may never attempt to ingest SCP-184 to win a pie eating contest, nor any other kind of eating or drinking contest. After what happened last month, Dr. Bright is not allowed to watch Firefly ever again. I think most of the people involved, that are still alive, are still in a psychiatric ward. Dr. Bright is not a brown coat, and we can stop the signal. Dr. Bright is a leaf on the wind. Watch him so. Still too soon? Okay. Dr. Bright is not allowed to come within 5 meters of any explosive device or detonation device. Remember what happened at area? Not even if Dr. Iceberg asked nicely. Trying to blow up SCP-682 is not a valid excuse. Attempting to make shadow puppets with SCP-017 is forbidden. Trying to entertain SCP-053 is not a valid excuse. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to stand in a corner and twiddle his thumbs. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use the word swag, swag it, swaginator, swagify, or super swag to define himself or any other persons. YOLO is not an excuse for anything, most especially because it does not apply to him. Neither is, why not? Dr. Bright is not allowed to order D-Class personnel, convince new personnel, any personnel, ask anybody ever to play a game of patty cake with SCP-049. Dr. Bright is not allowed to ask Mr. D to do any of the things on this list. Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring chocolate into a restroom. Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring food into a restroom. Dr. Bright is not allowed to speak in a voice resembling a movie character. Dr. Bright is not allowed to re-enact any movie. Even G-rated ones? Even G-rated ones. Dr. Bright is not allowed to learn cheerleader routines, dress like a cheerleader, do anything related to the sport of cheerleading. SCP-957 is not a prerequisite to becoming possessed by Dr. Bright. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-1197 for the purpose of corroborating with himself. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-1197 for the purpose of propositioning himself. As of September 26, 2000, Dr. Bright is not allowed access to any hotel for any reason. Site-Budget does not allow for extra cleanup fees, especially not as a result of Dr. Bright's actions. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to say everything the Bright touches is our kingdom. Dr. Bright may not attempt to digitally enhance any original Star Wars movies. Dr. Bright is not allowed to advertise himself on online dating services. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use this list as a to-do list. Dr. Bright is not L. Ron Hubbard incarnate and is not allowed to tell personnel otherwise. Dr. Bright is not Sherlock Holmes and is not allowed to say what he thinks a person's appearance means about them to any reality-bending SCP. Dr. Bright is not allowed to cause the containment breach of any kind just so he can have a case. Neither is he allowed to convince anyone to be Watson. Dr. Bright may not urge bereaved staff members to look at the Bright side, nor is he allowed to refer to any name-related puns as his Bright ideas. Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to any SCPs, Foundation resources, or personnel as his fancy dancing pants. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-1994-J with Dr. Kane. Hours of actual productive research are as of yet to be recovered. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play chicken with members of any department. Dr. Bright is not allowed to order the works from the cafeteria. Dr. Bright is also not allowed to put anything on his tab. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commit to Puku, even if he has an audience, especially a captive one. Dr. Bright is not in possession of any of the following- a bright mobile, bright rings, a bright claw, a bright suit, or a baseball break. Dr. Bright is not allowed to yell to the Bright Cave. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to sing Silent Night, following the all-is-bright incident. Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to commission, produce, advertise, or display animated videos to containment staff- anyone with the subject what happens when you fuck up containing SCP-Insert-SCP here. No, it is not educational Bright, not the way you show it. Dr. Bright is not allowed funding to replicate the experiments of Dr. Krieger from Archer. Dr. Bright is not allowed to try to convince personnel to replicate his famous high-dive into SCP-120. He is not allowed to talk about his famous high-dive into SCP-120. Dr. Bright is not to be referred to as Rainbow Bright. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to infants for the purpose of becoming the baby new year. Dr. Bright is not allowed to create a The Things Dr. Bright is allowed to do at the Foundation list, by listing everything that isn't on his list. Just because it isn't on his list doesn't mean you should do it. He may, however, request for one to be created. He may not, however, suggest what should be on said list. Dr. Bright is not to attempt to neutralize SCP-1013 just because he can do Fluttershy Stare. Dr. Bright must not create an infinite logical loop to less feeble-minded individuals. Dr. Bright is not Troll Jigas, no matter how much candy corny steals. There is no such department known as the Bright Ideas Department. Furthermore, if such a department did exist, Dr. Bright would not be in the employ of this department. Dr. Bright is not allowed to throw himself through a window to prove that the glass is unbreakable for any reason whatsoever. Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince D-Class anybody to cough in front of SCP-049. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any green dyes for the purpose of being creative. Because reasons will no longer be accepted as a viable excuse for removing any SCPs from containment, Dr. Bright may not refer to anyone as a peasant. Dr. Bright is not allowed to attempt to convince D-Class, new personnel, anyone that shouting bing bong bring it on while ringing SCP-513 will negate its effects. Dr. Bright is not allowed to arrange gladiatorial arena combat between D-Class, even especially if any SCPs are used as weapons. SCP-173 does not just want a hug, and Dr. Bright may not attempt to convince anyone otherwise. Because they're the alternate universe, me who wouldn't do it, is no longer a valid reason for violating containment procedures. Dr. Bright is not allowed to attack instances of SCP-217 claiming that the Borg have attacked. Dr. Bright is not allowed access to visual or audio recordings of the dance craze dubbed the Harlem Shake, anything deemed viral. Dr. Bright is not allowed to start any drag races between D-Classes and cars in SCP-096. Dr. Bright is not allowed to yell out immigration near any foreign personnel. Dr. Bright is not allowed to re-enact any scene from Pulp Fiction. Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince new personnel, anyone, to have a friendly steering contest with SCP-096. Dr. Bright is not allowed to open SCP-1025 on random pages in front of anyone. Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare anyone to finish SCP-1997. Dr. Bright is not allowed to send a slinky down SCP-087. Dr. Bright is not an instance of SCP-1000, and is not allowed to claim otherwise, especially not when using the body of a primate. Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-884 for shaving purposes, nor any other personal care purpose, nor for any non-approved purpose whatsoever, especially not for the purpose of making people doubt that he is not allowed to use it. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim that researcher Zen Kiru is the new master of butterflies due to her extensive work on butterfly-related SCP items. King of the Booterflies is not an inheritable title. No, not even if Konjiraki really is dead, which if true, Dr. Bright isn't clear to know. Researcher Zen Kiru is also not to be referred to by Dr. Bright as Queen of the Butterflies, Masters of the Butterflies, Supreme Princess of the Butterflies, Great Shepherd of the Butterflies, Second Cousin of the Butterflies, or Major Associate of the Butterflies, or any other grandiose title referring to Butterflies. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits fictional stories involving his family. Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new Foundation recruits factual horror stories involving his family. He is definitely not allowed to edit the list just to mess with people on Tumblr. We do not talk about Bottle Dick, especially not over the site intercom, loudspeaker, megaphone, group chat, email, or any other device intended to speak to large numbers of people at the same time. We really mean it about editing the list to mess with people on Tumblr. Dr. Bright is not allowed to transfer his consciousness into a YouTuber in order to make serious videos about himself or his family, especially if it's all true. Okay, who thought it was a good idea to let him have a TikTok account to read up all these at CaptainDuckMan on TikTok?