 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Hee hee hee hee. Craft cheese company also bring you the Craft Music Hall every Thursday night. Present each week at this time Harold Perry as The Great Gilder Sleeve, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. Nowadays society gives you the green light when you tip your plate of soup or mop up gravy with a dab of bread or leave your plate clean as a whistle. We war-time Americans have gladly discarded many wasteful rules of etiquette to make food fight for freedom. The all-important rule these days is waste no food, eat every scrap. Of course one way to be sure that all the food you serve gets eaten is presented in tempting, appetizing ways. And I do know this. You'll enjoy bread rolls and muffins down to the very last crumb when they're spread with delicious parquet margarine. Ah yes ma'am, parquet's delicate flavor really satisfies. Adds to your enjoyment of many fine foods. And since parquet margarine is so very high in energy value it's really a wonderful aid to good family nutrition. Remember too that each pound of parquet contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. So get the nutritious spread that's known far and wide for its truly fine flavor. By parquet that's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Craft. Let's see what goes on at the home of the great Doc Morton P. Gildersleeve. It's Saturday evening, the day before Halloween, and his niece is giving a dance. All afternoon he's been rolling up carpets, putting extra leaves in the dining room table, carrying out furniture and carrying it in again. But now that the heavy work is done, he finds himself brushed aside. After an early makeshift supper, he wanders for longly out of the kitchen to watch last-minute preparations there. Oh, what are you making there, Brady? Frosting? Say, that looks mighty good. You mind if I just... Mr. Gildersleeve, a man can lose a finger that way. It's wonderful, though, Bertie. Say, don't you think you've beaten that about enough? Ain't sure if it's stiff enough. Oh, well, I'll just see. Mr. Gildersleeve, really? You're just tasting it, my dear. Mr. Gildersleeve, if you keep tasting, there ain't gonna be frost enough to put in your eye. Who wants it in his eye? You'd like to put a little on a piece of bread now. Mr. Gildersleeve, go out and play. Bertie, don't you think it's about time we take another peek at that cake? Cake? I'll do it. Stay away from that oven. Oh, oh, excuse me, Mr. Gildersleeve. But you want that cake to fall? I was just trying to help. Run along, Uncle Mord. I'll look at the cake, Bertie. You either. What? If some of the people don't get out of this kitchen, I'm gonna go clean out of my... All the rest of them. Yeah. One-minute picks a party. You got to give me a chance. I ain't no Superman. No Saul. I gots two hands. Painter come in here. Come on, Marjorieve. I think Bertie wants to be alone. Let's go in the other room. After you. Oh, Lee Roy for heaven's sake. I am Frankenstein the Wolfman. I eat up... Take off that mask. It's only me, Uncle. Did I scare you? Yes. I don't know how you expect to scare anybody. You've been going around that rig, scaring people for a week. Oh, I'm just practicing being horrible. You don't need any practice. Now, Uncle Mord, you make him promise to keep away from my party. I just know he's going to... Oh, that's probably for me. Don't worry, Glamour Puss. I wouldn't be caught dead at your party. Oh, it's me. Let her alone, Lee Roy. I don't know what kind of a Halloween party this is anyway. No games, no pumpkins. What did you used to do on Halloween, Uncle? Oh, we did a lot of things, my boy. Made jack-o'-lanterns, bobbed for apples. Pretty corny. What else? Well, uh... We had one little trick. Yeah? What was it? Well, we used to take two buckets of water. Yeah? And when it got dark, we'd put them on each side of somebody's front walk, and we'd tie them together with a piece of cord across the walk, and then when somebody came along, well, you could imagine. Hey, that's great! Uh... It was a very thoughtless, wicked thing to do, Lee Roy. I hope you will never do anything like that. Are you kidding? I mean it. Somebody might trip and hurt themselves badly. Remember that? Yes, sir. There's one other thing to remember. What's that? You can only fill the buckets halfway. It won't work if they're full. Well, get off it! I'll go... So much for Lester. Wally, huh? Well, a kid himself. Hiya, Junior. What are you supposed to be? Frankenstein. Oh, blow me down. Talk to Wally, will you? I'll be right down, Wally. I've got to run up and put on some lipstick. Of course! Coming right up. Take these records with you, son, and don't drop them. Got a couple of real oldies there. Red nickels. Gosh. Uh... Mr. Hoff, my name is Gildersleeve. I'm Archry's uncle. Oh, hi. I've heard a lot about you. I've heard a lot about you, too. Favorable, I trust. Anybody, too, than tune his so-called piano lately? Young man, that's a wimbley. You may have boogied bass now, like you showed me. Look! Hey, that's not it. Look out! I didn't do it right. Let me just... Look out! Let me get it. You like music, Mr. Gildersleeve? I like music, yes. Mr. Hoff, would you mind telling me something? Not at all. Shoot. That sweatshirt you're wearing, is that customary these days at dances, I mean? In my day, we wore tuxedos, and we didn't wrestle. We danced. Oh, my... Yes, yes, I guess it is. Well, don't stop, boy! Get out! What'll it be, gorgeous? Oh, anything at all, and it gives. The party's dying, and it hasn't even started. I'm going to be rushing you, but the gang will be here any minute. I can take a hint. We'll take Leroy with you. Why don't you see if Mrs. Ransom's doing anything tonight? Maybe I will, and maybe I won't. It's my joy beyond me fine. Oh, brother, even in my... Come on, Frankenstein. This is no place for us. Swell piano player, Runk. You stick to Bach. That sounds like piggy. Hello, Runk. Wait a minute. Yeah? I won't ask you to keep out of mischief, Leroy. Just keep out of jail. Never mind. Run along. Hey! Nobody's going to tell me what I'm going to do, but I want to call on Leroy. I will, and if I don't, I won't. Just hope she's in, that's all. Yeah, but it's Halloween, Leroy. No, it's not. Tomorrow's Halloween. I know, but they're celebrating it tonight. What are you doing, Leroy? Well, I had this date for tonight, but at the last minute, I was unable to go on a can of a headache. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah. Well, perhaps some other time. Oh, I feel much better now. Oh, you do? Isn't that lucky. Will you go to the movies with me? Well, I'm just scared to death of ghosts and witches and all. Oh, don't worry. I'll be with you. I promise you stay close to me and protect me. I'd like to see the ghost as you get between us. He says they'll be waiting, Swarke Martin. How many, please? How long will we have to wait, miss? The next complete showing will begin at 9.53. How many, please? 9.53. That's half an hour, Leroy. Do you want to wait? I don't know. What do you think? I don't know. What do you think? Oh, make up your mind. Oh! Stepping to one side, please. Keeping the line moving, please. Shutting the mouth, please. Swar! Swarke Martin. Well, they can't push me around. Evidently, our patronage is not wanted here, Leroy. Let's go somewhere else. I'm gonna feel so proud. Why don't these people stay home nice? Well, I suppose we could at least drop in here and get a soda. Would you like a soda? I don't know. Would you? I don't know. Would you? It's more like it. That's the first real sign of Halloween. Oh! What's that thing he's swinging around? Oh, that's a sock filled with flower. We used to have more fun with those. Oh, he isn't gonna hit somebody with it. What do you think it's for? Hello there, Sonny. What's your name? Ha! Oh, cap got your tongue, huh? You're not piggy banks, are you? You're not gonna hit anybody with that, are you, little boy? Yes. Careful now. Careful how you swing that. I'll tell you what. If you go away, I'll give you a nickel. Listen, if you hit anybody, look out now. If you're piggy banks, I'll tell you a mother. Did you hear what I said? If you come near me with that, I'll... Ha! Come back to you, I dare you. Ha! Ha! Ha! No, Frogmore. Well, I think you might show a little more consideration. They love them. Oh, but you like... Oh, good evening, Mr. Peavey. And Mr. Guilherty. Well, has it been snowing out? No, it hasn't been snowing. A lady here would like a soda. Well, aren't you gonna have anything, Frogmore? I got something. Oh. Well, if you're not going to have anything, I'm not going to have anything. All right. Soda for me too. Chocolate. Chocolate and Jambi. Have you been, Mr. Peavey? Oh, just fine, Mr. Ransom. Just fine. You two been out doing the town? Well, if you'd call it that, Halloween isn't what it used to be, Pee-Vee. No, Mr. Gilders, David, isn't it? Maybe it's just as well. Why? Well, I remember one Halloween. Harry, it's a lucky thing we didn't all land in jail. Well, what did you do, Mr. Pee-Vee? Well, you know how boys are, Mr. Ransom. I remember it was a dark night like this one night. It was out at old Mr. Satcher's house, probably old fellow. Maybe you remember the house, Mr. Gilders. Oh, yes, I remember. Well, we'd planned this thing for weeks, and it was dark, as I say, so we appointed one boy as a lookout, and then we hid in the bushes till the coast was clear. Oh, yeah? Go on. Then when we got to signal, we sneaked across the lawn. Yeah? We tiptoed up the front steps. Uh-huh. Crawled on our hands and knees across the porch. Yeah? And stuck a pin in his doorbell. Pee-Vee, you did it. Yes, sir. Now, I want to tell you, I got out of there, just fashioned my legs. You carry me. Pee-Vee, I wouldn't have believed it if you hadn't told me yourself. Well, I'll be honest with you, Mr. Gilders. I didn't actually stick the pin in the bell myself. Oh. I stayed behind in the bushes. But if they ever found out that that pin came out of my lapel... It sure came out of my lapel. It's rock mountain. You know what I think. Know what? I think we ought to have a Halloween party. An old-fashioned one where you bob for apples and stick pins and things. But it's too lately. Oh, no, it's not. Tomorrow's Halloween, really. We could have it at your house. But, Leela... Oh, don't be an old-killed joy. Now, who we have? Oh, if you come on to, Mr. Pee-Vee... Well, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to, Mrs. Ransom. You see, Mrs. Pee-Vee gets a little nervous around Halloween, so I usually stick pretty close to home till it blows over. Oh, too bad. Well, there's Judge Hooker. We'll have to have the judge. Yeah, for laughs. Now, who else? Well, we ought to have another girl. Oh, do you think we need to? For the judge. You know, the old goat likes to think he's Sir Walter Raleigh. Oh, well, who can we get? I don't seem to know many women somehow. Well, there's a Miss Goodwin, I think her name is. Goodwin? I don't seem to recall. I only know her slightly. Well, how does it happen? I've never heard you mention her before. Well, I say I know her. I've met her. That's all. She's the principal of the school. Oh, a school teacher. Yeah, a school teacher. Well, that sounds perfect for the judge. Yeah. Oh, you know her, don't you, Pee-Vee? Oh, yes. She's perfect for the judge. Yes. Perfect for the judge. She can't be that perfect. Well, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. I'd say that she was... Thanks for the sodas, Pee-Vee. You've got to be running along. Oh, but Shrock won't love hardly finished. You've got to get going before the crowd gets out of the movie. Oh, grace is how you rush a goat. Oh, forgot to pay. Pee-Vee, didn't anybody ever tell you you talk too much? Oh, I know. Well, consider yourself told. Good night, Pee-Vee. A great gilder sleeve will be with us again in just a few seconds. These days, everyone's interested in good, satisfying food. And everyone knows that flavor is mighty important. Yes, it's flavor that makes us enjoy the foods we eat. It's flavor that tempts hungry appetites. That's why Kraft, the maker of parquet margarine, is so particular about fine flavor in this delicious spread for bread. Parquet's flavor is something you'll want to tell your friends about. It's so delicate and appetizing. The margarine that tastes so good. And right along with its tempting flavor, parquet margarine is wonderfully nutritious, too. It's one of the best energy foods you can serve your family. And while we're on the subject of good nutrition, remember that every single pound of parquet contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. Parquet is a quality margarine that bears the seal of acceptance of the council on foods and nutrition of the American Medical Association. So for flavor to satisfy your family and for the kind of nourishment they need, serve parquet every day. Ask your dealer for parquet. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Kraft. The great dealer's leave is ready for it to come what may. Lee Roy's car to pumpkin, and Birdie has prepared some refreshments. Don't they teach you any poetry in school these days, Lee Roy? Oh, sure. I woke up in the morning and looked upon the... Well, you didn't learn that poem in school. Oh, I did, too. Piggy taught it to me during geography. Yes. By George, I'm going to ask your teacher to change your seat. I can see Piggy's a bad influence on you. I doubt if Lee Roy's doing Piggy any good, either. Oh, is that so? Who asked you to put in your two cents? Well, you're certainly just as bad as Piggy. I suppose his sister's been shooting off her big mouth. Lee Roy? She has not. I'm expecting guests here any minute. Do you think I want them to walk into this kind of a cat and dog fight? Well, he's out of this. Stop it. They're all finished. I'll not have this kind of goings on. Lee Roy, where are you going? Out on the porch. What for? Well, that's all right then. It's a very good idea. Make a cheery welcome for my guests. Well, what are your plans, Marjorie? Would you like to stay here and enjoy a little old-fashioned Halloween fun for a change? Oh, gee, do I have to? Certainly not, my dear. What were you thinking of doing this evening? Well, I and I were going down to Brownie's beenery for a while. Some of the gang's going to be there. Well, I certainly dislike that boy. Oh, he grows on you, Uncle Moore. Well, George, you won't get a chance to grow on me. Well, I'll have a real Halloween anyway. I'll see how Lee Roy's coming with the jack-o'-lantern. Ah, real Halloween air. Gosh, dark as a pants pocket out here. Where is that kid? Oh, I didn't see you, Lee Roy. Can't find it. How many times have I told you it's not funny to scare people? I wasn't trying to scare you. You called me and I answered. All right, but be careful. Why haven't you lit the jack-o'-lantern? The wind keeps blowing out the matches. Nonsense. There's no wind at all tonight. It comes in puffs. Well, give me those matches and I'll show you how a woodsman lights a fire. Where's the woodsman? Just watch me. OK. Say, isn't this Judge Hooker coming? Where? I don't see anybody. Oh, well, it may be at that. Hello, Judge. Hi, Gilly. Yeah, trust him to get here first. Hi, Judge. Hello, Lee Roy. I am Jack Morton, happy Halloween. Am I the first one? Oh, no. Hoppersleeve, what's the idea? It wasn't my idea, Judge, but anyway, happy Halloween. Here by the fire, Judge, and you'll be dry in no time. Dog gone, that kid. Now, Judge, boys will be boys. Well, I wouldn't be surprised if you put him up to it. Why, Horace? You laughed. Well, I couldn't help it. I'm always laughing. Now, cheer up, Judge. Well, maybe that's my girl. Your girl? Miss Goodwin. What makes you think she's your girl? All right, I'm easy to please. I'll take Leela. Oh, no, you won't. Leela's my girl, you old goat. I'd rather be a goat than a hog. He's burning. Yeah, they're still pink at that. Let me take your coat. Oh, thank you. My other hat looks lovely. I think Halloween decorations are so exciting, don't you? I certainly do. Oh, good evening, Horace. Good evening, Leela. What a wonderful idea, coming in your old clothes. I just love old clothes parties. This is my new suit, Leela, or it was when I left home. Well, what happened? Gildersleeve's little nephew played a Halloween prank that soaked me to the skin. Oh, how awful. That doesn't sound like Leroy's rock marten. It's my idea of Leroy. Oh, miss, either judge might have caught in a moan. Oh, don't worry about me, Leela. I'm a pretty tough oldster. Oh, well, let's forget all about it and have a nice Halloween. Where's your lady friend, Horace? Miss Goodwin? Oh, she's not my lady friend. Not according to... No, Horace, can't you take a joke? Seems to me I'm being asked to take a good many this evening. That must be Miss Goodwin now, judge. Why don't you go and let her in? Well, thank you. What did Horace mean about her not being his lady friend, Trock Marten? Oh, nothing. Just as peculiar. A sense of humor. Ah. Ah, good evening, Miss Goodwin. Good evening, Dr. Walker. It's so nice to see you again. Permit me to take your rat. Trock Marten? Yes, Leela? I thought you said she was a schoolteacher. She is, Leela. Well, she dresses like the schoolteacher in Esquire. No, Leela. Here we are. Mrs. Ransom, may I present Miss Goodwin? How do you do? It's so nice to meet you. Good evening, Trock Marten. Wow. Hello, Eve. Wow. Why didn't you tell me, Miss Goodwin, and you were such old friends, Trock Marten? Well, who... Since he's been on the school board, we've seen a good deal of each other, Mrs. Ransom. Ah, she. Well, as fun as a Halloween party is there. Or is there? Take me, crapple-bobbing judge. You have to follow the apple right down to the bottom and get your teeth in it. Oh, I could never do that. I'd ruin my hair. I wouldn't mind. Let me try it. Wow! Uh, yes. I'll show you, Eve. Stand back, everybody. Wait a minute, Gilly. Wait a minute. Ladies, it's a death-defying exhibition by Trock Marten P. Gilder-Sleeve. Diving into one foot of water from the stupendous height of six inches. Live in Bob Hope. Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. Neither would I. Look, I'll show you now how to get the apple. How you doing, Gilly? Don't worry about it, Mrs. Ransom. He has wonderful breath control. Wow! Ghost stories. Oh, that's a wonderful idea, Eve. I know a real thriller. Ghost stories never scare me. Well, it'll scare you if we turn off the lights. Turn off the lights when you judge. All right. There. I'm still not a bit scared. You will be. Once there was an old haunted house way out on the edge of a swamp. Yee-yee-yee-yee. There was a ghost in the house who was trying to find his murdered wife, and he used to go through the house every night at midnight saying, Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh. Ooh, I'm frightened already. Yeah, I'm a little nervous myself. Oh, phew. Well, one night some hunters were passing near the house when it got real dark, and not knowing the reputation of the place, they decided to spend the night there. So they went up to the door, and just then... Old Throckmorton, this is silly. I think it's fine. I know a game that's lots more fun in the dark than telling ghost stories. Uh, oh? Well, what is it, Lila? Sardines. I never heard of it. Never heard of sardines? No. Oh, well, the way you played, one person hides in the dark, and then all the others try to find him. Or her. And when you find the person, you don't say anything. You just find as close to him as you possibly can till all the others find you. That's sardines. Oh, well, I can see it's got possibilities. Yeah, let's try it. Miss Goodwin, why don't you be the first to hide? Well, Horace, I'll suggest to the gang. You can hide next. Yeah, very fair, Judge. Go ahead and hide, Eve, while I count 50. Well, I don't know any places, but oh, all right. All right. What do you think of mine? 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50. All right, Eve, here we come. Who left that chair there? The judge is having a little trouble, too, I can see. What's this? Mouth-thrump, Morton. Who is it? You ought to know. What am I supposed to do now? Stand close to me. Can't stand any closer, can I? What's going on here, anyhow? Hey, no fair turning on the lights. It's rock, Morton. No, Leela. Well, if I'd known there were this kind of people in the game, I never would have suggested it. Mrs. Ransom. Don't you try to shush me. I wonder if you'd mind taking me home, Judge. But, Eve, the party's just begun. Well, as far as I'm concerned, it's all up to you. Please, Eve, please, Leela. Oh, who invented Halloween, anyway. You don't understand. I understand very well. But they've all gone. Leela, I want to explain. There's nothing to explain. I turn the lights on and I find you pawing that schoolteacher. Leela, if you could just listen. Let go of my arm, please, Thrope Morton. Will you open the door for me? Thank you. Now, do you want me to walk home by myself? I'll take you if you're really determined. Leela. Schoolteacher. She must be a fine schoolteacher. Well, she is. Oh, that's right. Stick up for her. I'm not sticking up for her. She didn't do anything. I, I thought she was you. Thrope Morton, that's a ridiculous, barefaced fib. She's went Chanel number five, and I always use shalla more. Well. Leela, I don't know one perfume from another. To me, they both smell good. I don't care to hear any more, Thrope Morton. Oh! Will I get my hands on Leeroy? Don't blame Leeroy, Gildy. Happy. This is Captain Carpenter speaking for the craft cheese company. I'm inviting you to be with us again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gilders League. This year, thousands of women all over the country are discovering what a special help with wartime meals is the product called craft dinner. A box of craft dinner gives them enough delicious macaroni and cheese for four people at only a few cents a serving. They get two boxes of craft dinner for only one single ration point. And with craft dinner, they cook that delicious main dish in just seven minutes. In every craft dinner box, there's a special macaroni that cooks fluffy tender in boiling water and an envelope of craft grated. With this handy craft grated, you whisk cheese goodness through and through the fluffy macaroni in a jiffy. 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