 W. Fitch Company presents the Fitch Bandwagon, starring Alice Faye. You'll never know just how much I love you. You'll never know just how much I care. And Bill Harris. Won't you come with me to Alabama? Let's go see my dear old Mammy. She's frying eggs and brawlin' hammy. That sugar cured hammy. That golden graveyed hammy. And that's what I like about the song. Although New Year's Day isn't until next Wednesday, Phil Harris is already giving serious thought to the coming year. About eleven o'clock yesterday morning, we find him in the kitchen, carrying out one of his New Year's resolutions. Juan. What are you doing out here? Empty in all these bourbon bottles. I've drained every one in the case. Oh, Phil, you did? Yes, I did. Now hand me the champagne, kid. This is going to be the best bowl of punch I ever made. Just like you. What do you mean some people might drop in? Now you know the only reason I keep the stuff around is for my friends. That's just it. You always end up being your own best friend. Well, don't worry about it, kid. Hey, look what I got for us yesterday. Two tickets for the Rose Bowl game. Rose Bowl tickets? Where on earth did you get them? I got buddies down at the city hall. Well, are they good seats? The best in the stadium. That's what you said last year and look what happened. What do you mean? We sat right on the 50-yard line. I know, but every few minutes I had to run out on the field with a water bucket. On you it looks good, baby. And anyway, you did not and leave the jokes to me. I wish I'd have left that one to you. You get more like Mary Livingston every day. You get them two lines and you never hear the last of it. Yankity, yankity, yank. They want everything funny from men on out. Take it easy. Let me be funny. Besides, we can't go to the game. You know, Mother always has open house on New Year's Day. Yeah, open house, open house, some open house. I remember last year with them money-grabbing brothers of yours hanging around. They're not money-grabbing. Maybe not, but it's the first time I was ever rolled in a private home. Why must you say things like that about my family? Oh, I don't know. It's just because I'm secure and clever and all that. I just can't help it. I don't know what... Hey, there's a phone, granted. Hello? Yes? To whom do you wish to speak? Oh, to whom do you wish to speak? Oh, brother. What? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid we have a faulty connection. Oh, faulty connection? How do you like this kid? She never knew there was a telephone until she hitchhiked him to Hollywood. Bill, you stop that. I'm trying to talk. How are you? Of course I remember you. How are your children? The guy's probably a cockerspan young. She's asking him, how's these children? How's these children? How's your children? Yes, yes. We'll be home all day. Drop in any time. Oh, sure, sure. Come on, over. That's why a guy marries a beautiful blonde and builds a 15-foot wall, just to have people drop in. Drop in, bud, any time. Well, all right, Chris. Goodbye. Goodbye. Drop dead already. What's the matter with you? Bill, Harris, I suppose that was your idea of a joke. Oh, well, I couldn't help it, honey. At home, do you wish to speak? Honey, I ain't heard goo like that since you were trying to get in pictures. What do you mean? You know what I mean. You know the time you rigged up that loudspeaker in front of Daryl Zanuck's house. I did no sex thing. Are you kidding? You even had a singing commercial for him. I'm Alice Fay. I hit the spot. My acting's great. My singing's hot. Twice as much for a contract, too. Alice Fay is the girl for you. Zanuck, Zanuck, Zanuck, Zanuck, Zanuck, Zanuck. You can be so funny, Phil. It so happens that was a report on the phone from one of the fan magazines. Oh, another one of them reporters, huh? Well, no wonder you were buttering them up like that. You asked to come over later this afternoon and interview me. That's right, to interview you. I suppose that means that you want me to get lost again, huh? Of course not. Whatever gave you that idea. What do you mean? Last time you made me put on a pair of overalls and pretend I was the gardener. Well, you could hardly blame me. You always put on such an act. I'll never forget the time they came out to take pictures from photo play. What did I do? What did you do? You insisted upon posing on a bare-skinned rug. Well, I looked exceptionally alluring that day. I was wearing my off-the-shoulder sweatshirt. Hello, Mr. Harris. Are you looking for something in that pantry closet? Yes, I am, Sissy. One of them fan magazines are sending a reporter over this evening. Oh, that's too bad, Mr. Harris. Your bare-skinned rug's at the cleaners. No, no, no. I was looking for that old scrapbook of mine. It's a big book full of pictures and clippings. Oh, you mean that big book with the leather cover and the gold lettering? Yeah, yeah, that's it. Oh, dear. I've been using pages out of that to line the garbage pails. Oh, Sissy. Hey, here it is, and look what you've done. There are about 100 pages missing. Oh, are there? Yeah, what a horrible thought. Oh, Sissy, half of my life strewn over the Los Angeles City dump. Oh, dear. With orange peels yet. Well, Mr. Harris, I'm awfully sorry. Oh, it's all right. It's done now. Hey, there's still plenty of good stuff in here, though. Here's a picture I'm glad you didn't throw out. Oh? Oh, baby. Atlantic City, 1934. Oh. Oh, you beautiful dove, you. Oh, you dove. Oh, you pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty. Mr. Harris! Mr. Harris, stop that! You're getting your picture all wet. Oh. Well, I'm sorry, I was overcome with emotion. Well, you can't fight those things, you know, Sissy. Well. Hey, look, will you do me a favor? Now, try to piece this scrapbook together and leave it on the table in the den because I got to get down to rehearsal now. Well, all right, Mr. Harris, goodbye. Bye. All right, fellas, all right. Now, before we get going with this rehearsal, let's tune up once. Well, you let's tune up. Now, come on, guys, everybody sounds your A, huh? Let me have it once more. That's what I like to hear everybody's in tune. Yes, sir. Now, are we all ready to go? Don't the guys ain't here yet, Phil? Ain't here. Where are they? Practicing for New Year's Eve. Practicing for New Year's Eve? Yeah, they're out with their cars on Vine Street side-swiping each other. Hey, Frankie, will you stop that now? Let's don't start that today, huh? Hey, Phil, while we're waiting, I want you to meet a friend of mine here. Phil, shake hands with the best little musician in Hollywood. Pleased to meet you, Phil, and how do you do? And read and about and... And what do you know, Leopold Stokowski? Now, Phil, his name's Cody Kirkpatrick. Yeah, Phil, you know, I've been going over this arrangement you got here, and it ain't right. It don't stack, Jack. Oh, it don't stack, huh? No. You know the part that goes... Yeah, what about it? Well, don't move. It's a dud, bud. But you need something like this. That's what I need, huh? Repeat. It's got that solid beat in the seat, and it don't cheat. Look, Frankie, who is this character anyway? What do you mean, Phil? He's a great arranger. Yeah, well, he's arranging to get himself a punch right in the nose. Oh, now wait a minute, corny. Yeah, Mortimer. You ain't alive to the jive. You got to take the staves out of your barrel and roll with a hoop, goof. Huh? Yeah, Elmer. You got to get out of that Santa Fe bridge and wrestle with a trestle where the train goes by. Fight. The name is Cody. I don't care if it's for Trilla. I don't want no part of you. Well, at least you got to hear my new love song. What's the name of it? Give me 15 minutes more. 15 minutes more? Yeah, Jack. I'm a slow worker. But get the guy out of here. I don't care. Get him out of here. Okay, fellas. Now get back to your seat. We're all here. Let's go with this record. Now take it from me. One, two. And that ain't him. Six tall, slim, slick, sycamore saplings Possum up the tree Somewhere up in one of those saplings Possum's laughing at me Hound, dog, bray, and know what he's saying Possum on a limb He's been hiding in one of them saplings And I'll get even with him Get a going feet, got a run, get my gun And hurry over yonder to the holla Moon to shine a bright on the tree tops tonight Possum ate five, sorry, our thar Six tall, slim, slick, sycamore saplings Possum on the loose He's been stealing all of my chickens Now I'll cook his goose Possum know he's in a jam He'll go good with candy games Dog gone tootin' sure as I'm shootin' Possum fallin' for me Six tall, slim, slick, sycamore saplings Possum up the tree Somewhere up in one of those saplings Possum, Possum up the tree Somewhere up in one of those saplings Possum's laughing at me Hound, dog, bray, and know what he's sayin' Possum on a limb He's been hidden in one of them saplings And I'll get even with him Get a goin' feet, gotta run, get my gun And hurry over yonder to the holla Moon to shine a bright on the tree tops tonight Possum ate five, sorry, our thar Six tall, slim, slick, sycamore saplings Possum on the loose He's been stealing all of my chickens Now I'll cook his goose Possum know he's in a jam He'll go good with candy games Dog gone tootin' sure as I'm shootin' Possum fallin' for me That Possum done eat his fill Now Phil gonna eat his Possum Dog gone tootin' sure as I'm shootin' Possum fallin' for me Ladies, if you plan to start the new year with a new hairstyle, first make certain your hair is in good condition. For whether your coiffure is simple or elaborate it will be more attractive if your hair is... For soft, gleaming, beguiling hair Fitch has been granted the good housekeeping seal and the parent's magazine commendation seal. Fitch is spelled F-I-T-C-H. Hey, Frankie. Yeah, Phil. Hey, come here a minute. I got something for you. Good. You open it up, I'll go get the glasses. No. No. It's a picture, Frankie. I got it out of my old scrapbook. Well, let's see. Hey, Phil, it's a riot. Yeah. And that ugly little goon on the left. Look at that face. Looks like the oil pan from an old Essex. You. Oh, sure, this picture was taken back in 33. Oh, yeah, the time we took that little pickup van to Honolulu. Yeah, some pickup van. The third day we was there, they picked up four hula girls and a marmoset monkey. Yeah. I got stuck with the monkey. If you were lucky, kid, I'd seen the girls. Some of them wasn't bad. And they all wore grass skirts. Yeah, I remember. And you got arrested for following them down the street with a lawnmower. And we caught out of that Hawaiian music pretty quick, though. Remember that big number we did at that nightclub? Yeah. Hey, what was the name of that nightclub? You know, Goldfab's Keala Kakua Hacienda. Yeah. Oh, I remember. It was the only place in the islands that served fish and poi with mozza balls. Yeah, odd things like yesterday. We'd come out on a stage in our native costumes, with them flower things hanging around our necks. You know, them Vivian Lays. Yeah. And then they'd throw a baby blue spotlight on us, remember? And then we'd really rock them with that Hawaiian stuff. Don't you come with me to Okanaka Nua now? Let's go see my dear old hula dance and mammy now. Fryin' eggs and broilin' hammies. That's what I like about Hawaii. There you cannot make a very bad mistakey now. Watchin' girlies dance upon the beach and shake it now. Just like rubber, abba, abba. Very cool. Now without a sound, sir. I want to show you something, Phyllis. It must be here somewhere. But what is it you're looking for? A book that belongs to Daddy. Don't be silly, Alice. What would hotshot be doing with a book? Well, this one is mostly pictures. Oh, that's different. Here it is. It says Phil Harris' scrapbook. Oh, it has another title. Casanova Rives Again. I think it was Daddy's maiden name. Oh, look. Here are some pictures of Daddy in school. In this one, he's in the third grade. I see a lot of little boys, but where is Daddy? Over here, standing with the girls. I didn't recognize him with that hair ribbon. Here's a picture of Daddy in the fourth grade. And here he is in the fifth grade. Uh-oh. Look at this next picture. What's the matter? He's back in the third grade again. Alice, what are you doing in Daddy's room? I was showing Phil's Daddy's scrapbook, Mommy. Oh, you better give that to me, honey. I don't think you children should read it. Why not? Well, it's liable to give you a warped conception of the whole human race. Anyway, you children have to take your nap now. All right, Mommy. Mommy, before we go to bed, sing us that funny song about the zipper. Zipper? Oh, I know. She means zippity-doo-dah. All right, babies. Zippity-doo-dah. Zippity-a. My plenty of sunshine hit my way. Zippity-doo-dah. Zippity-a. Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder. It's the truth. It's actual. Everything is satisfactory. Zippity-doo-dah. Zippity-a. Wonderful feeling, wonderful day. Zippity-doo-dah. Zippity-a. My plenty of sunshine hit my way. Zippity-doo-dah. Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder. It's the truth. It's actual. Everything is satisfactory. Zippity-doo-dah. Zippity-a. Wonderful feeling. What a wonderful day. I know you were home. Yeah, I got in a few minutes ago. Hey, kid. Hey, you're all dressed up for that interview guy, ain't you? Uh-huh. You like this dress? Yeah, honey. You look prettier than the back end of a buck board wagon on Going to Meeting Day. You are pretty, honey. I just bought it last week. Yeah. That's one of them new pleasant dresses, ain't it? No, no, peasant dresses. Well, honey, from over here the whole setup looks mighty pleasant. Mighty pleasant. What are you doing with that scrapper? I'm just looking through it. Hey, where do I lay some of this stuff on that reporter? Oh, Phil, I wouldn't show him that. Why not? Well, for one thing, that picture of your father in there. That's not my father. It must be. He has a jug in each hand. There ain't no jugs. That's me and my brother. That's my drinking brother, gal. Why, my father was a very temperate man. For years, his slogan was down with liquor. Down with liquor? Sure. Why, he'd down more liquor than any man attended. I wouldn't brag about a thing like that. Well, why not? I've come a long way since him days, and I'm a changed man. Yeah. Oh, Harris, I never thought you'd have a layout like this. You're married to Alice Faye. You got two swell kids, four Cadillacs. A gold-ribbed cigarette lighter and six pairs of yellow shoes. What are you talking about? Well, I certainly, kid, I really made something out of myself. Think what I could have done if I'd have learned to read and write. Yes, you might have been another Mortimer's nerd. I guarantee I wouldn't sit on that old man's knee. I'd find me a guy with some hair. Honey, you know something. I'll never forget the day I entered that first grade. When I went to the first grade, I had to walk five miles to get to school. Five miles? Yeah, and that was a pretty long walk for a boy 14 years old. And without no shoes either. Oh, Phil, that's terrible. Having to go to school without shoes. Oh, it wasn't so bad. You know, every spring, Mom would give me a clean handkerchief and wipe wash my feet. Oh, Phil, you're making that up. I am. Not on the 4th of July. She'd stick flags between my toes. I'd like to look through this scrapbook. Okay. Oh, this scrapbook, honey. What a picture this would make. I can see it now on the marquee. Through the deep south with boxback coat and sen-sen. Oh, Phil, look at this picture here. It's us, the day we became engaged. Yeah? How can you tell? By the ring on my finger. Oh, sure. Hey, that was so cool. Oh, Phil, look at this picture here. The ring on my finger. Oh, sure. Hey, that was some sparkler. That rock cost 3,500 bucks. No, Phil, it was 3,600. No, I think it was 3,500. No, no, it was 3,600. I remember distinctly when I wrote out the check. Yeah, that was the day your brother tried to commit suicide. Hey, this book really brings back memories, honey. You know, I could just sit here and look at this thing. Oh. Phil, look at the time. We've been looking at this book for two hours. This has really been quite a revelation to me. Yeah, what a volume. Think what Kathleen Windsor could have done with this. Hey, that must be that reporter from the magazine. Show that rascal in there. I'll let him in. How do you do? I'm Chris Clausen, the reporter who called you this morning. Oh, yes, Chris. Won't you come in? Thank you very much. Mr. Clausen, this is my husband. Hiya, doc. How do you do, Mr. Faye? Of course, Miss Faye, I'm familiar with your wonderful work in pictures, but my magazine would like to know if you're considering another one at the present time. Well, no, you see, my children take most of my time. Oh, yes, yes. You do have two lovely children. I have six pair of yellow shoes. Indeed. Well, Miss Faye, our readers hope that you're not forsaking the screen permanently. Once I didn't have any shoes, my mom used to have to whitewash my feet. No, no, I'm still very interested in pictures. I read a script now and then, Chris. I don't know how to read. Everyone hopes you'll do another musical, Miss Faye. They were so delightful. I made a short at monogram once. Now... Miss Faye, you haven't... In one scene, I even had a line and I had to learn it by ear. I don't know how to read, you know. No, Miss Faye, I... I'm on the Jack Benny program. Miss Faye, if you have any... I know Dennis Day, personally. Miss Faye, I... Him and me has our own programs now. Hey, would you like to feel my yellow shoes? Hey, I got six pairs of them. Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. At the stroke of 12 midnight Tuesday, bells and whistles will herald the beginning of a new year, 1947. Your personal social and business successes during the coming year depend greatly on your appearance. If you look neat and well-groomed, if you have unsightly dandruff, so may we suggest you do something about that dandruff this year and use Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo. Fitch is the only shampoo made whose guarantee to remove dandruff is backed by one of the world's largest insurance firms. It's thoroughly efficient. It's easy to use. Simply apply Fitch's shampoo directly to the hair and scalp before adding water and massage. Then add water. Fitch dissolves all traces of dandruff and gives me rich lather. It floats away the dissolved dandruff and dirt. Thousands who use Fitch regularly like the way this all-around all-season shampoo leaves the scalp tingling with that clean sensation, leaves the hair thoroughly cleansed dandruff-free. Get an economical bottle at your drug or toilet goods counter or have professional applications of Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo at your beauty or barber shop. Phil, that was a fine way you acted in front of that reporter. You ruined the whole interview. Well, I don't care. That muzzler had it coming from the minute he called me Mr. Faye. I'll get it. I'll get it. If that's that guy crossing, I'll tear the phone out. Hello. Hello, Phil. This is Cootie Kirkpatrick. Oh, no. I just want a brand new song, and it's ready, Teddy. Oh, will you stop with that? I don't want to hear about that. It goes like this. Look. I don't want to hear it. Goodbye. Stop it. I hung up already. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Get in next week when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch Bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris. This program is written by Joe Connelly and Bob Mosier, directed by Paul Phillips, with the original music composed and conducted by Walter Sharp.