 So, have you ever dated a man or are you currently in a relationship with someone where his pacing is rather slow? And I think the frustrating part about being with men like this is it creates a lot of uncertainty. Why do men pace themselves really slowly? What's really going on behind the curtain? Well, that's what I want to address today. Is he moving slowly? And should you be, what you should be looking for in these four key areas? Four key areas. All right, so what causes a man to move slowly? I think right off the bat, for those of us in midlife and midlife is after baby making years and before retirement, a significant percentage of men and women have experienced some level of adult traumas. That's right. Adult traumas. You know, when someone's in their 20s and 30s, their life is just being launched. They've got their, not tail between their legs. What's that phrase? I can't think of it right now. Where they feel like they can take on the world, that's what I mean. That charge, right? And you feel like you are invincible. Sadly, in many cases, people who believe they're invincible oftentimes find themselves in troubling situations. But I don't want to lean into that. What I want to lean into for those of us in midlife, one of the most challenging things that occurs is many of us have had a significant relationship that ended, or maybe even multiple relationships that didn't go anywhere. I'm going to repeat that, multiple relationships that didn't go anywhere. Did you know the number one emotional health issue facing most people is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likeable? And dating and relationships can trigger this wound like nobody's business. What happens, speaking of trauma, is adult trauma centered around the ending of a relationship. And so when a relationship ends and it wasn't done cleanly, it can often leave a rippling effect. And what happens is men in particular might be gun shy, emotionally committing to someone, physically committing to someone, you know, their communication can be off. And then worse, their lack of desire within commitment. That's right, their lack of desire within commitment. So if you found yourself in a relationship with someone who was moving rather slow, I want to share with you my observations around this and also what you can do about this in the early stages. Because quite frankly, my whole private coaching is helping women do a better job of screening, filtering, and what I call vetting for emotional maturity. So if you need some help with that, right, there's a link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And there's a link below to schedule a call as well. Okay. So there's four key areas you must be conscious of when it comes to dating and relationships, in particularly when you're interacting with men in these four key areas. Now, one of the things, and we also have to address the three types of men who are actively dating. For those who know my content, know I talk about the users, the growers, and the users, the spenders, and the growers slash builders. Okay. The users are those men that typically come on strong. They love bomb you. They're more hyper focused on the physical aspects of a relationship. And then they tend to fade away. So those men are always operating in a very fast pace type of energy. Now, the spenders, oftentimes, spenders are people that want companionship. They want connection. They want sex, but they're really lacking that desire or maybe they're not capable of commitment. Now, these guys also can come on very strong and then they do this gigantic pullback. They say things like, I need to take it slow. Well, you were like taking it fast to get into my pants and now all of a sudden you want to take it slow. These are the men that I call the spenders. They want to spend time with you and yet they're not capable of leaning in to a deeper relationship. Those are the spenders. Now, the growers and builders, those are the ones who clearly know they want to be in a committed relationship. They're more apt to pace themselves. They're not going to rush sex. They're not going to rush the relationship. They're going to pace to make sure that you're a good fit for them and they're going to do a good job of filter and screening and vetting you. So men vet and screen a little bit different than women. That's why because men tend to hold the cards when it comes to commitment. That's right. There's a saying, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. That's true. Why is one of the number one search terms is why are men commitment phobic? Another search term is where is this relationship going? And it's all women trying to figure out men in this capacity. Men don't do searches on where is this relationship going? Well, the guys who have been put in the friend zone might be doing those searches. But for the most part, men aren't necessarily doing searches on how to make a committed relationship work because they tend to hold the cards with them with the respects of commitment. So what I think it's hugely important to recognize and I want to give a shout out to Sherry J for the $50 Super Sticker. I got to give you your props right now. Thank you so much for that. I really appreciate that goes to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. That's my son who passed away right there. You know, I've got some sad news. My best man at my wedding. I've known him for 45 years. He just lost his youngest son yesterday to an accident. Just like he and his wife, two boys, our children were almost the same age. They play together. Childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas don't have to necessarily be the ending of a relationship. One of the other significant traumas that can happen in people's lives is like what happened to my friend and I who lost children, or we've lost a significant person in our lives, or we've lost our professional life in some way, shape or form. So traumas play a huge role in why someone might take it slow. I know after Connor passed away, I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex. But at the same time, I knew I wasn't capable of commitment. I found myself living in that spender category I talked about for a very long time. And so it really, it's incumbent upon ladies in particular to do your job of vetting, to do your job of screening, to do your job of filtering, and not filtering based on the surface things. A lot of times people surface on how tall they are, what's their job. What's most important thing to filter is, is this person of good character? Is this person kind? Is this generous a person? And yet we sadly, human beings, men filter based on looks, women tend to filter based on status. And then there's this expectation that the generosity, the kindness, the character, heart is supposed to follow when it should be vetting for those things first. Okay. So coming back to the four key areas to focus on, I call these the red flags, because I said earlier, physical, okay. When a man, usually men don't approach the physical aspect of the relationship very slow. However, there are some men, especially those men who are in midlife, especially men past 55, 60, 65 years old, that might have some physical challenges in their lives. They might have some embarrassment with ED or not, or did I say or not, ED and such, but they take it slow from a physical perspective, because their fear you might reject them. Also, men with small penises tend to take it slow from the physical aspect, because there's a fear of rejection there. However, we know traditionally, if it's a red-blooded male, this is not an area where a man will take it slow. However, and like I said, the users will go very fast on the sexual, the spenders most oftentimes lead with the physical aspects, because they're lacking in the other areas I'm sharing. And the growers and builders, look, when I met Marie, sweetheart right there, I was a horny guy. I wanted to jump her bones on the first night, but we certainly paced ourselves to some. Well, actually, we never paced ourselves. We just jumped right into a relationship. We bypassed the whole dating process and went straight to a relationship, but I think we had some things in our favor and not everyone should adopt that practice. Okay, number two, men who take it slow when it comes to communication. Now, here's the thing. Men have traditionally, aren't necessarily good communicators to begin with, but you have to be really careful of the men, men who might text very slowly. I'm sorry. Think about, I'm gonna pause myself for a second. Communication, you realize that 80 to 90% of the effectiveness of communication is nonverbal. So these days, we tend to use our devices, tend to use our devices for communication. And I know people that have, they think they're building a relationship with one another because all they do is text one another several times a day for hours on end. Text is the weakest form of communication. And then there are men who will avoid the telephone. They'll give excuses that they can't use the phone. You know, I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. You know, if someone says, I can't do phone calls, but they can do text message. Again, that's a slow pace for them. There might be some reasons for it that should trigger a red flag warning for you. Now, this isn't in all cases. This is just some cases, but for the most part, men who rely on text communication, they avoid telephone calls and more importantly, they go days on end without communication. That's certainly a red flag. And the other component within this red flag is number three is emotional connection with you. What I mean is they are very reluctant to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to be transparent with you because they have a weak form of communication. They're, and so they have a weak form of communication coupled with a weak capacity to be intimate with you, be on the physical. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out. Why do I recommend this book? Because the reality is, is look at, we no longer live in an environment, the caveman days, the, you know, the tribes where physical protection was, providing protecting was the most important aspect of being in a relationship and the women were the nurturers for the most part. Today, the whole purpose of being in a relationship is that connection on an emotional level. Now for some, it's just physical level. That's all they want. But the real value of a relationship is to be with someone where you can just truly be yourself on an emotional level. And this is where a lot of men are emotionally inept. They're emotionally immature. They're emotionally constipated. That doesn't make them bad men. And certainly men can, men can evolve from this space. Men can evolve from this space and grow. As I shared in a recent video about a TV show, my sweetheart and I are watching, called The Good Doctor. And this is about an autistic man who becomes a surgeon. And one of his biggest challenges is he has no filter. He blurts out what he's thinking. He has no real emotional IQ, especially being a doctor. He just bombets whatever he's thinking. And more importantly, he doesn't know how to share his feelings and he has difficulty being physical with people. So over the evolution of the show, you see how people are nurturing and loving on him. And this is where he grows. Now this becomes a real challenge for many of you because you see a man that you think has potential. They did one good thing. They drove you to the airport. They fixed your TV. They cleaned up your yard. They did one thing and you hold on to this one thing. And you're lacking in so many areas of your eye. But you saw that one glimmer of hope. And then you hang on to that. That's much like in the dating realm when you see the one photograph out of 20 where you're like, oh my God, he's gorgeous in that photograph. And the rest of me are like, is this guy even a real person? You hang hope on that one. And women oftentimes, I think they have this capacity. You ladies have this capacity to go above and beyond seeing the potential. Listen, if a man isn't capable of leaning into his emotions to be vulnerable, be authentic to be transparent at at least a baseline level, you're going to be constantly lacking because your capacity is here and his is there. And you know what that space in between is called? It's called drama. And what I mean to say is you're going to be frustrated within this relationship. Now, I know plenty of men who through the women they were in relationship, they actually opened up their heart to these women. They were able to lean into their emotional side because it took a woman to open up their heart. And if you're not familiar with the book, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis, I highly recommend checking this out. By the way, there's a copy of the books I recommend below. This is a great blueprint to create deeper intimacy in your relationship. I highly recommend checking out Barbara's book. All right. The fifth or fourth, excuse me, I said four red flags. The fourth area to consider is commitment. Is he slow in discussing commitment? You know what's fascinating to me? These days, men can have sex with women with little or no commitment. That's right, these days. And I say this is fascinating because I remember when I met my now ex-wife, you know, you had to be boyfriend and girlfriend before you got laid. I mean, I mean, there was certainly the hookups in the one night stands, but today dating is more of a hookup culture. In fact, I've oftentimes said dating today is just a strung out version of friends with benefits. Commitment is essential. If you listen, I've got to be your big brother here. Look, I can't be there on a first date for you and have my shotgun out pointed at the guy's head saying what are your intentions with my little sister? You have to do that for yourself. You literally have to establish what is your intentions for wanting to get to know me? Now, folks, it takes, I was listening to Jay Shetty. He just came out with a book about love. And he says it takes about 40 hours of face to face time to just to get to know someone. So maybe holding off, and I always say it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to build that first layer of trust. And he says it takes about 200 hours to build a good friendship with someone, to build a good friendship. Folks, what's going to make a relationship into commitment is if you built a solid friendship while you're having sex together. That's, I mean, so yes, sex is the part of the equation and I wouldn't jump into bed with someone until I've at least spent those 40 hours and they've had real discussions about trust and commitment. And if you're not familiar with the book, eight dates by John and Julie Gottman, chapter one, trust and commitment. Ladies, I say this frequently before the penis goes inside the vagina. Read that chapter, read it with them. Do you know I'm getting messages from women now saying, Jonathan, I'm having the guys watch your videos and we're discussing them. And this, I mean, it's fascinating. Now, I just recently had a client share that with me. I had another follow up mine here on the YouTube universe share that with me. I find it just absolutely fascinating, not fascinating, but encouraging to hear that my content now becomes fodder for having deeper conversations. Folks, it's time to do a better job of vetting because commitment, if a man is dragging his heels on some level of commitment, you've been together for six months. Let's just take it slow. I don't like putting labels on it. I don't need a piece of paper, all that kind of stuff. Then what's your chances of shifting this person later on? Folks, you all know my story if you've been following me with Marie and I. We literally on our third date encounter, I'm not really sure what to call it. We did a four day deep dive, laying our cards on the table. We're radically honest with one another and when we walked away from these four days in a row, we agreed to explore a fully committed relationship that led to moving in together, which we did within five months of meeting. What causes men to go slow? Traumas, uncertainty, they don't know you very well. They're not really good at vetting you. They're more driven by sex. They've got traumas in their life. They've got maybe some real heavy bag, it used to be called baggage. They lack that capacity to be emotional and they're weak communicators and they haven't established that they want to have a fully committed relationship in their life and these are the four things you need to be looking for. Is he moving too slow? I hope not, but if you find yourself in that, then jump in, be radically honest and then see where it takes you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Post a comment below. Please hit that like button. Please share this video with friends. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. And again, check out all the links below to a discovery call with me, to my group, Midlife Love Mastery. You can even join the membership here on YouTube and you can follow me on Instagram and check out all the books. All right. This is time for Q&A. If you have a question for me, write the word question in the chat box. Write the word question first and then post your question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All of the monies go to the Super Sticker Super Chat or Super Thanks goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's my son who passed away four and a half years ago and I donate to causes like the Hopman process and Instite Institute. And anybody who donates money today, I'm going to donate it to my friend who lost a child. You know, they were friends with Connor and it's my son, Colin. And if you don't, anyone who donates today, I'm going to donate to their family or a charity that they would wish me to donate. Okay. So Sherry being the first one. So thank you so much. All right. Let's see what we have here. I saw a question come in from Amira Psychic TV Live. I don't know how to pronounce it. Question, I did a few calls with a guy who told me he didn't want to get married, but wanted to live with a woman. I found we were not on the same page, so I hope I made the best choice to move on. You know, this is a tricky question because at midlife, a lot of people are gun shy about marriage. They're there because marriage is a legal contract. And, you know, with, and I know with my sweetheart, she's not, you know, she's not, you know, she, she has basically said at the moment, that's not a choice she wants to make is to get married. This is why we chose to live together. Now, I don't see how living together can be of such, now in our bad choice. So I wouldn't dismiss someone who said this. And if you're just only had a few calls with them, I wouldn't make that a deal breaker. I'd find out more to see if you're actually a good fit for one another, because in our particular case, we both moved out of our respective places, and we chose to move into a place together. That demonstrates, or we're both on the lease, it demonstrates a level of commitment for one another. So I would certainly, I wouldn't dismiss someone on, because they don't want to get married, but if they're open to living together, at least that's a good solid form of commitment. Now, especially for those of us at midlife, and by the way, I would think after about three to four years, if the two of you are truly on the same page, you can make that request. And I suspect if he's genuinely in love with you, you know, I mean, maybe you might need a prenup, but I wouldn't dismiss it just based on a few phone calls. That's my two cents on that. Anyway, all right, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's keep swimming. Gisma says, questioner, I'm talking with a guy who lives nearby. We sat talking for eight hours and we really connected. We've both been hurt, but how do I get him to see that I won't hurt him like he's been hurt before? Well, anyone, you know, I always talk about being passionate and detached. And what that means is passionate is open to all the possibilities and detached to the outcome. So in this particular case, there's nothing you can do right now to prove he won't get hurt. The real question I would ask is, how have you healed from your past relationships? How have you healed from those hurts? If he hasn't done any healing, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. So instead of what can you do to make sure he doesn't hurt you or he doesn't, wait, what did you say? How do I get him to see that I won't hurt him like he's been hurt before? Well, you don't know, you might hurt him. You might say, dude, you're a jackass. I don't want to be with you anymore. Okay, but my point is in this particular case, I would ask what have you done to heal and just recognize people that haven't done healing from their past tend to repeat patterns. And you don't know, you might hurt him. He might hurt you. It's hard to predict in the beginning. This is why you have to do radical honesty and ask a lot of better questions sooner rather than later. Jizma, thank you so much for that question. Leif says, thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate that. Leif also wants to remind everyone, hit that like button right now. Thanks for the support. Maria Carolina says, question, is it okay not to want to get married, just live together? That is what I really want. Yeah, that's absolutely okay. Again, I find myself in that situation. My first wife, I like saying my first wife, but when I first got married, we actually lived together. Now, there are some statistics that say people who live together aren't successful in marriage. Like the trial run, it doesn't work. But you know what, that's bullshit in my opinion, because 50, I don't think it has anything to do with living together or not, the relationship success. Relationship success is really, now, there is one thing to consider. Marriage is at least a pretty solid commitment. It requires two people to stick it out if they honor the wedding vows. When I got married, I said the wedding vows out loud. I don't think I had any comprehension of what that really meant, because I was a child when I got married. Even though I was 29 years old, I'm going to say 29. No, it was 27. No, I can't remember. Yeah, no, I was married at 29. Folks, I was rather clueless. I was still very much an immature, you know, self-centric person in my life. And so when I said the wedding vows, I really didn't comprehend it. You know, I don't think men really grow up until they hit 36, 37, 38. I think that's a better age for a lot of men to get married when they know themselves so much better. I didn't have any significant relationships prior to her. And I really didn't know how to be a good husband. I'm not proud of that. But I was very focused on that provider protector piece and not really good at the emotional piece, the communication piece. And so in that particular case, I couldn't live up to the vows. I think now it's a bit more the importance of the wedding vows is that as you get into your senior years, it's really, is this person going to be there for me? Many of you wrote some very kind messages because you know, my sweetheart, Marie, has had some real significant shoulder pain. This has actually been going on for about nine months, but it just progressively got worse. And she's going into surgery, we hope soon. I go to a cardiologist. The other day I went to a radiologist for something else. Health concerns is part of the equation here. And I believe, even though we're not married, I really do believe I have a partner that would be there for me if I need her. And I know absolutely I'd be there for her if she needs me. So anyway, coming back to it, I'm totally fine with living together versus marriage. That's my answer to your question. I want to thank CA or Lee for the $10 Super Sticker. That's going to go to a charity of the choice. Oh, Chrissy, the $5 Super Sticker, thank you so much. Roller Girl, thank you so much for the $1.99 Super Sticker. I want to donate to a charity of their choice for their son who passed away. All right, question from someone special. My friend who lives in another continent recently came by and we started dating, talking. He's very slow in his response. It sometimes takes days. Let me see if there's a follow-up question here. Okay, I don't know what you're asking here, someone special, but if you're not actively doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, it puts too much pressure on this device. Now, my sweetheart is out of town right now. She's visiting her grandchildren. We've only talked on the phone once since she left. She's been gone for almost 48 hours. Why do I bring this up? I don't like talking on the phone. I mean, we texted once or twice, but we're in a secure relationship. We don't need that constant reinforcement. What we did to establish trust in our relationship is we spent that 100 hours of face-to-face time to build that deep roots of trust. This is what I teach in my private coaching. So he's in another continent. It sounds like you haven't established. The thing is, roots are grown over time building it together. It's very weak roots are built over the telephone. So if this is something serious, then you have to be face-to-face and actively spending time with one another. And it's going to be hard when they're in another continent. Thank you, someone special. Shiva Dhariva, Diva says, Deva says, question. After two and one-half years, he won't post our relationship on Facebook. He posts everything else. I moved on because I felt it wasn't going anywhere. He said he wasn't ready. I was too. Well, you don't really have a question there, but I'm going to be candid with you. My sweetheart doesn't want to post our stuff, not partially because there are people on her page that aren't necessarily their friends, but they're really more acquaintances and doesn't want to get into the social aspect of what's happening in our lives. A lot of people feel that way. I'm totally okay with that. I'm not worried. She's introduced me to her family and such. We're very active with my friends. And I post on my page and all the people that she truly knows, knows about us. Social media is one of those weird... It's kind of like, in some cases, it's like our journal. It's like our phones. How many people have access to your phone? Nobody has access to my phone because that's kind of a private thing and some people treat social media that way. I don't think that's enough of a deal breaker. It could be a red flag, but red flags merely means ask better questions, which it sounds like you did and that's why it didn't work out. So thank you so much for posting. I appreciate it. Psychic comes back and says, he wanted me to live with him. If it didn't work, he would put me out on the streets. We discussed it in depth, but thank you, John. It was a big turnout. Okay, well, then there was more to the story than that. So thank you so much. Peaky says, question, how do I find a man who wants commitment at my age, 55, and Christian? We'll go to church. If you're Christian, you want, that's the best place to meet people. I would find out, there's probably most places, there's, I mean, there's 20 churches within five miles of where I live. Just start going to every single one, talk to the pastor, find out who the single men are, put a list together and call them all. I'm being a little tongue in cheek, but if you're Christian, then go to where Christians mingle and then there's a website called Christian mingle. So that's where I would go if you want a person who is devout in their religion. So good luck with that. Hope that helps. Thank you. Let's keep going. Priya says, is living together does not have the same legal implications as marriage? Well, you know, there's also now something called domestic partnership, which is kind of like a marriage light from what I understand. Now I believe in California, if you live with someone for 10 years, there's something called the Lee Marvin Law, where you're basically a common law marriage if you live together for 10 years. So don't quote me on that. Can someone do a little research on that for me? But that's from what I'm understanding. So hope that helps. Sunny Pie says, question, I want to marry this guy who I love more than he loves me. I want to propose, is that fruitless and asking for failure? This is a really great question. In this show I shared with you earlier called The Good Doctor. It's actually the woman that asked the doctor to marry him, and he said yes. I think of it this way. If you ask a man to marry you, and he says no, that creates a huge opportunity to find out why. We don't need a piece of paper. I do. How important am I to you? I think asking for a man for his hand in marriage, I think is a great idea. But Jonathan, it disrupts the masculine and feminine energy, and his penis will shrivel up because it will intimidate him. Like when I hear bullshit like that, I'm like really, do men get intimidated by women making effort? Is that really an intimidating effect? Well it spoils it because men are supposed to be the dominant leaders. Look it. It creates a conversation. And if he says yes, then you have a conversation to move forward. Great. If he says no, which most likely will happen, it puts the relationship in a microscope to say, what are we really doing here? Like I said earlier, dating is just a string of friends with benefits. But in many cases, it's the new version of playing house. We get to play house together and then we just get to leave whenever we want. So I'm a big proponent of either moving in together or getting married. So yeah, go for it. And Sunny Pie, please let us know how it works out. Maria Caroline says, thank you for answering my question. I already married for 24 years and I don't see the need living together like you and Maria is perfect. For those of us in midlife, it really is. And by 10 years in, by law we're automatically married. And in some ways, it's the exception, not the rule, but real love is being there for each other, sometimes without the piece of paper. I mean, that's what real love says, is you don't need the piece of paper. So I know I'm contradicting myself but I'm saying when two people genuinely like Goldie Hahn and Kurt Russell, and I believe there's a few other people along the lines that are in similar, it's the exception, but not the rule. They don't have to get married to really be partnered with one another. But it sure helps when you have a lease signed together because that lease demonstrates some level of commitment to one another. Lee, thank you so very much for the $10 super sticker. I appreciate it. Em Hamilton says, question. I want to, I went to his house for our third date. We kissed and tried to sleep with me and I said no. On our fourth date, we weren't intimate and I haven't heard from him for a week since then. Sadly, that's a very common experience. One could feel, he could feel a sense of rejection and that could sting so he might feel shame or it might simply mean he was just in it for the short run. This is why asking the radical honesty questions really early, like by the way, with Marie and I, okay, so folks in my private coaching right there, there's a link, there's a link below the schedule, a discovery call with me. I have a list of 16 questions that I asked her. This was on our second phone call and she passed the test all but one and I'm saying this tongue in cheek but it was a, the questions were really conversation starters. I want you to think about what is a question? A question is a conversation starter but Jonathan, that can come across as an interview. No, they're called fucking conversation starters. It's to see if we're on the same page with one another and we were like so on the page with one another certainly with vaccines and politics and religion. I mean, we're close to being on the same page. You know, we're similar really to be close in our financial capacity. So we checked a lot of boxes that made it easy for us to be aligned with one another folks. Misalignment is like the primary reason why relationships don't work out. I wonder if I have this book. Where's that book? The book is by, the book is by the founder of e-Harmony. Now he's a bit, his narrative is more religious based but what he said was there's 25 areas of harmony of compatibility that if you checked off all the boxes you ignite that with chemistry you have a recipe for relationship success. So in this particular case I really asked myself, Miss Hamilton, did you ask the deeper questions early on? Probably not and he was only in it for the short run. Someone special finally wrote back and said he prefers to speak. I text him because of time differences. I get that. Thank you for sharing. Maria Carolina says, question. Can the hundred hours be FaceTime or Zoom if he lives one hour away? No. It's gotta, it's men bond through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests. You can build familiarity but it's difficult to build trust. Now I'm not to suggest there isn't value with that but it should be lopsided. If a hundred hours is 75 face to face time and 25 FaceTime, that's okay. But physical time together it needs to be 70 to 75% to the amount of communication via the telephone. Okay. Thanks so much for that question. All right. Let's keep swimming. Sherry Jay says, you are absolutely correct. Ten years living together is considered domestic partners. I'm almost halfway. I'm nine year, nine and a half years to go. Duration depends where you live for legal reasons. Yes. Okay. All right. Let's keep going here. Hey Margaret, thank you so much for the $7.99 Super Sticker. I'm just going to be so, well, I'm not going to be thrilled to tell my friend this but I'll do it. I'm sure they're going to ask us to donate and in lieu of flowers. And that's what I'm going to do with all the kindness from everyone here today. I prefer not to share his name of him and his son. It's just, it's too close to home. It just happened. So, okay. Natural says, can you share all 16 questions? Natural, schedule a discovery call with me. That's what my coaching is all about because I designed the questions based on your personality. These are deeper questions based on where you're at in your life. And that's what I do for a living. So, if you want some support, check out the link below. Let's keep going. Wanda says, question, is emotional connection more important than physical to create if the other person has physical issues? Can you get past that become more than friends? You know, I'm grateful for the passionate sex life I have in my life. It probably represents, let's see, 2 to 5% of the amount of time we're together. You know, I mean, if there's a, you know, if I gave it one hour a day, and which it's not that number, but if it was that much, it's one 24th of our time together. So, the sex piece, now, physical connection, cuddling, spooning, you know, and, you know, what I find, what I really find that I enjoy most about Marie is I just love her company. I really do love her company, but when I say I love her company, I like who she is as a person. You know, she and I, we play, you know, where our little kids come out together. I really like that part of our relationship. So, the physical part is kind of the grown-up icing on the cake. But the way we connect with one another is through our little kids. So, I hope that makes sense, but I just like her as a person. She's my, you know, as soon, has become my, you know, best friend, so to speak, and I can't imagine life without someone that just doesn't feel like, like we can be ourselves with one another. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right. Robin Keith says, question. Jonathan, what if you think he's moving too fast, wanting to get married, feel like it could be a money thing, like he wants a tax break? Well, there is some, there are some benefits to getting married. So, if the two of you love each other, if you two are good friends, if you are relatively in a good, listen, if you're the more financially successful person, you know, I might be a little bit reluctant to that. But certainly, if there's a benefit, tax-wise, you know, that's not the reason to get married, but I could see why someone might want to take advantage of that. The reality is, is, you know, it's not that grand of a tax benefit. Okay. The real benefit is sharing resources. That's the real benefit of people either moving in together, getting married, if they agree. By the way, one of the fundamental principles I teach in my private coaching is called economic agreement. In the book of Eight Dates by John and Julie Gottman, the fourth date is called work and money. You see that right there? The cost of love, work and money. So having real conversations about money is critically important. Marie and I had it literally on our third date. We talked about where we stood financially because we know the importance of economics in a relationship. But Jonathan, men are supposed to pay for everything and men are supposed to be the provider of protectors and men are supposed to do all this. Listen, I don't know what fantasy world you live in, but for those of us in midlife, you know, 80% of the population here in the United States makes less than 80 or $100,000 a year and the 90% of the population doesn't have a year of savings in the bank account. So two incomes, two, you know, two assets are better than one. Anyways, I just went on a rant over there. I hope you got my drift on that. Thank you so much. Okay, this is a good one. Can a couple get that connection through sex if their partner is focused on porn? You know, well, you don't know, but I often wonder if porn and swipe dating has been the primary reason why commitment is not as important as it once was. The ability to easily connect with someone. And I want you to think of how easy women have been in this process. And by the way, ladies, you're allowed to do whatever you want in your body. You are allowed to have sex on the first date and never call the guy again. You could do whatever you want, but easy sex hookups and pornography is the primary reason why men or not the primary, but can be well, actually the fear of losing their money or probably those three things is probably one of the primary reasons why a lot of men are commitment phobic. So yeah, porn is a real big problem, I think. You know, Maria and I even talked about watching. I'm like, we don't need you. I thought about it. You know, we talked about it. We thought about it. And we're like, no, we don't need that. Tantra is a lot better. By the way, if you really want to get to learn really how to connect emotionally through sex, check out Tantra and Kamasutra. All right. But anyways, I'm probably crossing a boundary by sharing that. So hope that help. But yes, that's my under that's my belief on that. Piki says question. Are men who don't require sex if you have health issues? Post menopause. Yeah, there are. There are men that if I understand your question correctly, there are men that don't require sex. Are there men who don't require sex if you have health issues and post? There are some, but it's a small percentage of men. I mean, I think I know I have a friend who's 72 years old. We were talking about how they have once a week, that's their love night, their love day. They spend all day in bed and they make love together. He's 72, she's 69. I have another couple that I think he's now in his mid 80s. He said, we've been having sex or they've been married for 60 years. And he said, 59 of it was absolute regular sex and now just their health issues makes it difficult. So it's the exception, not the rule for most men. Hope that answer your question. Didi says question. I can get the guy I like to mirror my action. Is that a good sign of attraction? Yes. If a man, it's called mirror and matching. If a man does mirror your actions, that's a good sign that there is attraction. So yes. By the way, Priva Marie tried the carnivore diet. It reduces inflammation. Disclaimer, I'm not a doctor. Really quickly, she has a bone spur. So I don't think that's going to be an inflammation issue. But thank you so much. Catherine writes question. What do you personally believe are the most important ingredients for a great alignment with someone? Good question. It's important to have a good emotional connection with each other, an energetic emotional connection. And if you can both speak each other's love language, if you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. By the way, a link below for all the books I recommend. Definitely emotional connection. Economic agreement. I was just talking about that. Being on the same page when it comes to money. Having very healthy active social life. In other words, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests are an important ingredient. Spending time with family and friends. And then intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. Those are kind of the recipe I view. Just some of the recipe. Ultimately, trust is the foundation of a relationship. It's not love, it's trust. Trust is, it's not about fidelity. It's does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own? Do they have my best interest at hand? That's the primary ingredient. And then everything else is built around that. So that was a great question, Catherine. Thank you so much. This will be our last question for the day. Question. How do you bring up your hygiene preferences? E.g. laundry, your clothes showering without sounding critical and like you don't appreciate the person and accept them as he is. So I wish Marie was here because she would probably do a great job of answering this question. So when we first met, it turned out when I went to go pick her up at the airport, I had my top down in my car and I wore a sweatshirt. So I had a t-shirt and a sweatshirt on. And I think that sweatshirt might have been a day old kind of sweatshirt. In other words, I'd worn it for the day before. And it was really hot. And by the time I got home, I had sweated a lot and I kind of smelled. And so Marie is really good at framing things. I really wish she was here to share this, but she said to me, Jonathan, I have something really personal to share. It's a little uncomfortable. She goes, I don't think your deodorant is working all too well. And what she meant was you really smell bad. And at first I'm like, no, I did the, oh wait, I did double the pit stain here. I did that. I go, no, I don't, but then you're used to your own body odor. And sometimes in mating, you're getting familiar with each other's scent. But I didn't take offense to it because the way she framed it, I went and cleaned up in the bathroom. I put on, actually she turned me on to her deodorant, which is actually clinical strength. And that's fixed the problem. Okay, now hygiene. What about a cleanly home? Like in our particular case, she, I'm a little bit, I can go a day or two messy and then I clean up. And she's like, I clean up every night before going to bed because she likes to wake up to a clean kitchen, as an example. I was one that could go a day or two. She made a request. Simply, this would mean a lot to me if we could have this as our practice. And you know what? Because when I want to make my partner happy, it wasn't that difficult of a request to honor. So making simple requests comes from, you said hygiene. You know, it's just, you know, like, okay, and Marie likes to put these little beads in the washing machine to make the clothes smell fresh. You know, if you express what the benefit is to him, why this benefits him, my hope is he'll see, like if he really cares about you, he'll want to make you happy. Only men who don't care about you or men who are controlling or men have, you know, issues. They're dysfunctional. Those are the guys that get confrontational. And as, you know, people that get confrontational over easy requests are probably difficult people to be in relationship with. Anyway, that's just my thoughts on that. Cheryl, thank you so much. All right. Alayna, thank you so much for that. I appreciate that. All right. You know what? All right. This will be the last one. Are you thinking of getting married, Jonathan? Formally, bridge E, bridge IT. You know what? I'd like to get remarried. I've reached a point. I know after my divorce, it's funny. I talked to my ex-wife yesterday and today because of our friends who lost their child. You know, I didn't want to get married for the longest time. I was so anti-marriage for the longest time. And then I wasn't in a good place in my life to even consider marriage. You know, for the first time in my life, I really feel like I know who I am as a person. I'm in a good place, you know, you know, not that far off from retirement. And, you know, and I'm like, you know, it's a fucking pain in the ass to date. It's like the idea of, you know, like a lot of people are fearful of marriage because they have this thing that maybe someone better can come along. I'm like, I got the top of the tree. I got the Omega. I got the, you know, amazing first in my life. Do I want to get married? Yeah, I do want to get married. It doesn't have to be right now. I think it's important that we still spend time with each other to build even deeper trust with one another. And I think that we'll find ourselves in that position, you know, probably when we decide to, we talked about traveling the world and living in, you know, the Arab, you know, the, to be expatriates at some point. So maybe that'll be the time. Who knows. But for right now, I am grateful for the relationship we have because we established open lines of communication. So I just want to remind you of those four red flags to spot if he's going slow. Does he overemphasize the physical aspect of the relationship that might be a person that doesn't know how to pace? Because they're either a user or a spender, unlike the grower. Number two, the communication is consistent. It's both telephone calls. It's both texting. It's both in person. His emotional capacity is to lean into being vulnerable, authentic and transparent. And lastly, he is very clearly serious about commitment. Men who take it slow are deficient in most of these areas. And those are the things you should be looking for. All right. I think this would be a great place to wrap up. First off, if you find value, please post a comment below. Please share this with your friends. Please hit the like button. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. And check out the links below to a discovery call with me for my group, all that good stuff. It's in the description below. And I'm going to wrap up this video, as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrock of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Leif and Margaret and Ms. Hamilton and Andrea and Joni and Divine Beauty and Roller Girl and Donna and Bridge and Jennifer and Natural and Joni and Elena. Let's see, Cheryl, Catherine, Priya, Dee Dee, PK, Donna, Donna, Andrea. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful evening. Be well. Take care. Find out.