 You have some psychological needs within you, don't you? Just like I do. You really wanna be loved in this life. Yeah, good for you. You really wanna belong in this life. Yeah, me too. Sometimes I struggle with that one. And you really wanna be understood in this life. You do. And sometimes we go so far out of our way to be understood that it ruins our sense of belonging and being loved because we're chasing and needing validation and acceptance from other people. Like, hey, I like this thing. Can you tell me that's okay? Can you tell me the decisions I've made are okay? Can you tell me that I'm on the right path? Is this okay? Is who I am good enough? Am I good enough? I really like this thing. Is that weird? Tell me if it's weird or not because if you think it's weird, I'm gonna stop liking it. See what I'm saying? See how that chase is exhausting? That the need to be understood and the need to be validated and the need to be accepted in balance, that's healthy because I know you're at work and you wanna be like, oh, that person said I'm doing well. Or you know what? That person just validated my experience a little bit. That's all I needed because we need sound boards and we need people in exchange to bounce ideas off of, to see, okay, maybe that didn't make sense because I'm talking it out more. And my thoughts weren't a tangle, like a ball of yarn, and through discussion, ooh, we made things smooth. And now they're un-notted and I can see things more clearly. And that's what I do with clients when I coach too. If you're ever interested, the link's in the description to have a chat with me. Some people who are like, Scott, I never knew you did coaching one-on-one. I do and you can apply to speak with me even if it's just once or you wanna do it weekly, whatever it is. So people just don't get it, right? Fair enough. In my life, I just became tired of seeking understanding. I, when you let go of that need to be understood, you kinda feel more comfortable in your own skin and there's a confidence and security that comes with that because you just like what you like. And if you're looking for approval for the things you like, you start to question. You start to question, did I really like that? Do I really like that? Well, it seems like only three people out of the 10 I talked to like it and they only like a little bit. So maybe I'm weird for liking it. Ah, maybe I should stop doing that thing then if not everyone's doing it. Hmm, see what I'm saying? The more we question ourself all the time, that breeds insecurity because then we don't know where we stand, do I like it? Did I ever like it? Should I keep doing it? Should I stop? If not a lot of people do it, then does that mean that I'm in the wrong? Ooh, and now what I like and who I am is wrong and it's not who I should be or what I should do. And then we live in the worlds of shoulds and incomparisons. What do you like? What do you genuinely like doing? And I'll give you an example right now, two examples. I met this guy at a show and his thing and he said it so confidently. He's like, I love collecting hot wheels. He's got us 36 years old. Loves collecting hot wheels. When he goes from show to show because he's a guitarist, he's like, before the show I'll wake up late, I'll go to Walmart, I'll see what they got in stock and I'll buy the hot wheels. I'm like, do you collect them? Do you keep them in their packages? He's like, no, I take them out of the packages, I'll roll them around, bro. I'll just roll them around on my desk. I got a shelf, right? I got my touring suitcase, so I'll take them and then I'll bring them home and put them on my shelf. And me, I'm just like, that's awesome. And it's not awesome because I don't understand what's so cool about collecting hot wheels. I don't get it, but I appreciate the uniqueness and I appreciate that he's so confident in what he likes. He doesn't care if I understand. He just wants to share what he likes and that's so cool. That's the cool part of being unique and of being confident in whatever you like. It doesn't matter what it is. You're gonna be a cookie cutter out in your city if you just like what everybody else likes. That's easy, that's easy. Oh, did you like the new Drake album? Yeah, fuck, that was hard. Oh, Adele's new album was sick, great. That's tough. Here's one. And this is when it kind of hit me where I'm like, I just don't have to explain myself anymore. There's, again, there's freedom and confidence and security that comes with that. Remember, insecurity is this inability and always this chasing to convince other people because it makes us feel secure if other people approve us. We feel safer, like, oh, I'm in with everybody else. Everybody else is blue, so I'm blue too. Poof, I feel safe in the rat pack, okay? What was the rat pack? Was that a show? So I'm at work and maybe this person's listening to this episode, whatever. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to my parents tonight. It's springtime, so it's the beginning of the season. And I'm like, I can't wait to cut the grass. Oh, I love cutting grass, I love working, I love sweating, I like raking the leaves. I like the fresh pattern. And I'm like, I wonder, am I gonna do the round pattern around the tree and keep that circular motion going? Maybe I'll do a crisscross pattern today and I wonder if I need to double cut it. And the great thing about cutting grass is you can't go too fast or else it'll leave patches. Can't go too slow or else it's gonna mulch and it's gonna leave clumps. I can't wait to cut the grass. And she looks at me, she's like, you're so weird. That's so weird, you like cutting grass? And I'm like, chill, Scott, chill, chill. This bitch is crazy. And part of me wants to explain to her more why it's such a great experience, but then I'm just like, I like what I like. Why am I gonna waste my energy explaining to this person why they should get it? Why they should get me? What am I gonna explain the whole series of circumstances that led me to this beautiful moment in my experience of being human? That I grew up cutting grass. That was my first job. I cut grass with my brothers. This was our summer jobs. We had the John Deere lawnmower. I love the smell of gas. I love filling it up. I love making cash. I love saving it. You know what I mean? I love the relationships with our customers. I love making the flyers. It was my childhood house and I love going back to the backyard. Don't need to explain yourself to people. You don't need to explain yourself to yourself. You don't need to question that. Like what you like and stick to it and be secure in that. You don't need to prove yourself to the person on the sidewalk, the stranger that you walk by. You don't need to explain yourself to your parents or your brothers or your sisters. You don't need to explain yourself to anybody. You don't need to explain yourself to yourself. like what you like and enjoying it and in that enjoyment the insecurity washes away and you feel safer with yourself because you like what you like say to yourself while you're doing something you enjoy this isn't for anybody else this is for me and i'm really enjoying it if people don't get you let them go fine you don't have to explain save your energy and embrace and and save the energy for the more enjoyment for yourself i'm not giving away 20 to explanation i'm bringing 20 percent of that back into the enjoyment and then i'm fully in it hmm so you know what i'm going to do this week and i'm going to go up to my parents place i'm going to cut the grass and i'm not going to tell anybody and this afternoon well i'm going to take a break from work and i'm going to sit on a park bench a trinity bellwoods park in Toronto i'm going to put on Beethoven's first movement six symphony and watch the squirrels do their thing and that's what i like to do that's what i like to do it's okay people don't get it they don't have to love you brothers love you sisters have a great rest of your day this episode was actually sponsored by well let's go with one sponsored today some of you find it financially well not feasible to afford my coaching to speak to me one on one and that's totally cool because the economy is absolutely ridiculous right now so what i've done is i've put together a community on patreon where we meet every month we all come together you get to chat with me you get to ask me questions and get to be part of this cool community where we meditate we reflect we connect and this has been really so helpful to people so all you have to do is go to patreon.com slash scott st marie and you get to see how cheap this is no not cheap affordable this is every month so that's one thing if you want to be part of the community you get a hundred plus videos that are private of the podcast and those are all yours you get meditation videos those are all yours it's pretty cool you get to unlock a whole bunch of stuff and it's cheap if you also want to speak to me one on one there's a there's just a small application and you just go to scott st marie dot com slash coaching scott st marie dot com slash coaching and what happens is when people get on a call with me um there doesn't have to be an agenda sometimes there is the bouncing back and forth of ideas and scott do you get this and i'm like yo i actually do get it that's awesome you like what you like sometimes people need they feel lost and maybe a sense of direction and someone to walk with them and you don't have to do this alone that's what i tell people you feel anxious you feel lost you feel isolated you feel you don't know what your next move is you don't have to do that alone you can do that in our group on patreon we can do that one on one together there's so many things available to you my friends and it's not just not just through me there's so many online resources these are just two so if you find that you know you feel a sense of connection and you feel like you can trust me uh fill out the application form you'll be on the email list for any any extra um announcements and we can have a chat or you can join our group so that's patreon.com slash scott st marie and scott st marie.com slash co slash flat slash coaching and the links are in the description thanks a lot my friends i hope you have a great rest of the day great evening we'll talk to you soon no need to chase that understanding just like what you like all right see you bye bye you're cool