 Sheila, we have Disney on the call here. Hey guys, sorry for the mess of an outfit, I just got done playing racquetball with the gentleman over at Time Warner. I have a lot of interesting ideas to bring to you here at Warner Brothers. We champion innovation. We're all about cutting-edge film. We're pretty confident you're going to be buying us out like you did Fox. You're going to be a monopoly, so we want to get ahead of the game. What I'm proposing to you today is a fantastic script. Harry Potter, Episode 8, The Last Wizard. Since we cash-grabbed Episode 7, made in a two-parter, I'm still going to consider this Episode 8. It'll be Book 8. We'll get J.K. Rowland's back on in some sort of a creative production role. She'll just oversee things. She doesn't really need to be here at all, honestly. We're just going to kind of cart her in from time to time. What I want to do is soft reboot this, but still pretend it's a new and original property. And we're really going to focus on the new generation while showing as much disrespect to the original property as possible. Boy Who Lives, coming back. He's making a return, played by Daniel Radcliffe. But this kid's now 50 years old of age. He's weathered. He's bitter. He's kind of heartless. He's a recluse. He's been living alone on an island, which is actually in the room of requirements. He's made it so that it's kind of an isolated thing where nobody can find him. He's got a beard. He's very gray. He looks very similar to his old master Dumbledore, but he's not going to have any of the charm or any of the happiness or joy that was in that guy's life. He wants nothing to do with the wizarding world. He wants the wizards to end. And even though he doesn't want to be found by anyone, he's going to take his marauders map, rip that bitch in like three pieces, spread it around. He's going to tell his close friends about it so that they can search for him. But he doesn't want them to search for him. It's just kind of a weird thing he's doing. He's a drunk, hammering butterbeers all day long, doing crack cocaine off the swell of the unicorn's ass with his ghost pal Dobby. He's going to be yelling at Dobby constantly in this. You know, where the fuck is it, Dobby? Where's my crack, Dobby? Expecto Patrona, Dobby. We're going to be introduced to a new female lead here. She's strong and dependents. She has no family or friends. It's going to be kind of mysterious until we shit all over that mystery for no reason at all. We build it up to be nothing as kind of a fuck you to the audience. Like I said, those super powerful wizards, she doesn't know she has wizarding abilities. It just kind of awakens inside of her. Think of her like Hermione Granger, but three times as powerful without having to pick up a single book or do any of the tedious lame stuff like learning and studying and working hard. It just all comes naturally. Speaking of Granger, I want to talk about her. We're bringing her back. She's going to have a prominent role here where she sits around and mopes for most of the picture. Her husband's dead. Ron Weasley died. She's angry. She's kind of a shell of her former self. Lost that edge, lost that wit, lost that sharpness. I want to circle back to Harry for a little bit. While he's on his island, we get glimpses of things from his past. We're going to see the Nimbus Broom. It's going to be submerged in water, kind of tattered up, broken, burnt a little bit. We're going to see Elvis Dumbledore here. He's going to come back as a force wizard, a ghost. Force Ghost Wizard. He's going to talk to Harry. He's going to pretty much agree with him that the wizards need to go away. At one point, he's going to shoot lightning down and blow up Hogwarts. We really want to drive home the message that old things suck, new things are better, they're shiny, they're pretty. Let's focus on them and screw all the old stuff. I feel like I need a football to toss around while I'm talking and walking and spitballing. This is all good. It's all gold. Let's really break down the reasons why Harry is the way he is. We're on the brink of despair right now. The world is in bedlam. Dumbledore's army is here, but it's very small. It's just a band of brothers at this point. What happened was Harry was a professor at Hogwarts and he ran across a student who asked him if he could join Slytherin or he had Slytherin tendencies to him that worried Harry. He instantly snuck into his room at night, pulled out his wand, ready to do a curse, but the boy woke up, saw Harry doing this in a moment of weakness, and the boy shot back. A septum semprum, something of that nature, hurt Harry, hurt him bad. So now Harry, he just doesn't want anything to do with it. He's washed his hands of it. Oh yes, in this child, this person that Harry attempted to murder, is none other than Ron Weasley's son. That's going to be a big thing for people. They'd be, whoa, who's that fucking ginger? Is that Ron Weasley's son? Yeah, it is. This is all really powerful stuff and what's going to happen now is Weasley's going to join up with this new Voldemort character which has been introduced early on with a minute of screen time. He's even more powerful than Voldemort. He's more mysterious. We don't know anything about him. It doesn't matter though. It's all just kind of table settings that we're going to eventually knock off when we cut him in half with a cruciatus curse. There'll be a lot of returning characters in this franchise coming back, kind of getting some redemption, maybe getting a little bit of a twist to their formula. Dudley. Dudley Dursley is going to be back. He was kind of a prick before. He's got redemption here. He's an everyman. Later in the film, he's going to get shot off the side of the building with leviosa. He's going to fall to his death, but right before hitting the pavement, he's going to just suspend an air. He's going to marry Poppins back up to the top. Yeah, this muggle boy turns out wasn't a muggle at all. We know Alan Rickman's dead, RIP, poor one out, but I think there's nothing more kind of generous and more appreciative to him than to bring him back as a fully CGI character and a dubbed voice. Think Grand Moth Tarkin for Harry Potter. Big Star Wars fan. So in summary, the first half of this picture is going to be a remake of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone or the Philosopher's Stone, wherever you're from. Doesn't matter to me. I don't care. We're just going to make money off it either way. Second part is just going to be ignoring everything we set up and kind of just fucking with the audience. Harry's going to die alone by the end of the film, how we all kind of imagined it happening. He's going to do nothing cool the entire film, but he will at one point patrice the world's greatest Patrona stag across the earth. It's going to kind of sit there for a little while, maybe eat some grass and then it'll inevitably fizzle away. I don't think anybody's going to be bothered by that too much. Harry's kind of a cornerstone of the film franchise is kind of the big deal, but whatever. He can just kind of go out like a bitch. He was a flawed character. Let's be honest. He was a flawed character. This is most likely how George Lucas, I mean, how J.K. Rowland wanted it to happen anyways. He was addicted to meth. He hadn't talked to his kids in many years because of the meth habit. He will die on a pile of skeleton remains of Buck Beak, the hippogriff, who he had been sucking from the teat of for many years to gain sustenance to keep him going. I almost completely forgot we have to add a little color into this film or bring it back Dean Thomas. He's going to go on a random side quest that has nothing to do with the main plot and joining him is going to be Cho Chang. Everybody's favorite. Cho Chang. So what do you guys think? We got a picture here? Yeah, we got a picture. I look forward to the buyout. Thanks Disney. Take care. Hey Sheila, when you're done starting through my sexual harassment claims, you want to pick me up some lunch? Thanks doll. I'm going to go hit the greens.