 And with I've had a bunch of emails from women talking about how they get a lot of pain during the orgasm. So basically in the in the abdominal region, but either just at the point of getting the orgasm, either during the orgasm, or even sometimes immediately after the orgasm. So I'd like to talk about that today, but also there's an email that came in just very recently, which was to do with the same idea of pain during orgasm, but just slightly different. So it came from a lady who was widowed recently, she said that she lost her husband during COVID. And she said that she's actually recently again come to this idea of self-pleasuring. So she's trying to now come back to normal life, which is fantastic and I, you know, well done to her. But she says that what does happen is that the moment she tries to self-pleasure goes fine up to the point when she reaches that point of orgasm. She gets the shooting pain, but with her, it's on the right side of her head. What can you tell us about pain and orgasm? Okay, so let's start with your first question first. Pain during orgasm is a condition called dysorgasmia. I want to distinguish a little bit, you know, everybody feels a little bit of stress, tension, your pelvic muscles contract, you feel that during the climax of the orgasm. We're not talking about that discomfort or that sharp, you know, pleasure that we feel. We're talking about something that is uncomfortable. It's painful. Sex needs to be pleasurable. So if at any point it's becoming uncomfortable or painful, then we need to look at it. We need to go to meet someone and see what's going on. And so like I said, this condition is called dysorgasmia. And what it really is that a lot of times the pelvic muscles contract when we orgasm. However, when they have to relax, they might not, they might be too tense or they might be too tight or they might be too short. And that causes a shooting pain. And it's actually a muscular pain actually at that time. So pretty much like when we go to our personal trainer and she almost kills us on that bench. So it's as simple as that, that it's because it's a muscle and the muscle is not contracting or going back into its own position like it should. And that's causing the shooting pain. Well, that reason is one of, you know, if you think about a physiological reason, that's one of the reasons it could be. It could be, you know, we have to see how often it's happening. Is it once happened? Did you do something? You know, it's just like your back is hurting. Did you do something wrong? And, you know, so is it something that's happening occasionally or is it happening all the time? So that's something you have to review. However, there are medical reasons why the pelvic muscle could also be tight, you know, it could be related to endometriosis. It could be due to a pelvic inflammatory disease, which happens related to STIs, which are unchecked or ovarian cysts. But you know, I think all these, and there are many more, but I think this just stresses people out. It doesn't mean just because there's pain during orgasm doesn't mean you have any of these. But if there is pain, you should really get it checked out. You should go and meet an OBGYN and rule out any medical conditions that might be causing this pain. If the medical condition is not there, then for the pelvic floor, they're actually pelvic floor physiotherapists now. Really? What arm? They're actually pelvic physiotherapists. Where were they? Yeah, exactly. And vaginal and pelvic and so I think they help you. You know, if there is tightness there, they'll help you find ways to help you release it. And more importantly, they might give you some breathing exercises or yoga postures or positions that you could do on a preventative basis or after your orgasm, you know, just to manage the muscles and the pain. They might really give you some tips around it. So it's worth a shout to go and visit a physiotherapist and ask what could you do. So a lot of people when I was researching it is related to do with like breathing or yoga postures or positions, and that would really help with the pelvic floor exercises. That makes so much sense, you know, because I have that same problem with my jaw and I was just told that it's the muscle over there that's actually causing it not, there's no structural problems. So yeah, that makes so much sense. But okay, so that's to do with the abdominal region. What about the lady who talked about it happening in the head? Yeah, and so, you know, like we've said in every video that when there is an issue, we have to consider that there could be an emotional medical relational or physiological reason. So we have taken care of the physiological and medical in some ways, you know, we've said go to a pelvic floor thing or the OBGYN. What we haven't taken care of is that if there is an emotional reason behind it. A lot of people will speak about pain during orgasm, say if they've come from houses that are really shaming around and there's a lot of taboo around sex and sexuality. So you know you're going with it going with it and then you might feel a lot of guilt when you orgasm, and that guilt might translate into pain. So we don't know the connection. And I'm thinking similarly as in what a brave woman to write to you, what a brave woman to actually give herself, you know the freedom to say this is a need and I'm going to And the permission to master it. Yeah, I think it takes a lot to give yourself permission. So really a big shout out to her like, I think she's quite inspirational to write to you and think about it. And I was also thinking, you know, like, sex, sexual organs are intelligent organs. They literally feel everything that goes on in the head and the body, everything manifests over there like you said in the past. And so I guess they pick up emotions that we have hidden so far back in our heads that we may not be able to identify them immediately, but the sexual organs have picked it up so it could very well be an emotional thing. However, as you said earlier, if there is some kind of sharp shooting pain, going to a doctor is always a good idea. I'm just thinking how easy it is going to be for somebody in her situation. You can almost see the judgment, can't you, you can almost hear it. Recently we don't look at what she's doing. Look, she's getting the pain. This is a, this is a sign, you can almost hear it. And I just want to say that, please, you know, if you do get told something like this, do not take it on board. This is just generations of DNA memory, talking like this. Yeah, yeah, no, I completely agree with you because I can just, you know, hear people so one I would really suggest to her is find somebody safe that you can go and speak to you know it could be a friend, it could be somebody that you trust, a family member, that's not going to judge you for, you know, trying this like it is a really normal need. I just want to normalize it. So just because you've lost a partner doesn't mean that you can't have sexual feelings. It would be way more accepting in a man and I'm not saying this. I'm sure men feel a lot of loss and might, you know, stay away from sex when they've lost their partner so it can be as traumatic for them. But what I'm saying is that they might not be met with so much judgment in some ways as much as the woman. So find someplace safe to go and talk so even if you can find a therapist because that's a confidential space where there will be less judgment. Because it could be that you know it could be something emotional that's causing it that they could be a possibility that when you engage with sex it's triggering feelings of grief, or mourning or memories of the past relationship and I don't know how the relationship was and what was it triggering memories could be of loss could be of pain and that is causing the headache in some ways or guilt or shame like we said so there's so many feelings that could be present there. And just finding somebody who you can speak to I think will really help you know really release some of those feelings or emotions and maybe relax your body more. Everything we're talking about in some ways is relaxing the body right we're saying it's tight and the tightness could come from physical things or emotional things or memories that might be present. So I would really suggest going in, you know, seeing somebody and talking to them. And that's what we're saying here at the end of it is that pain during orgasm is we're talking about very specific pain where it's like a shooting sharp bad pain, not the usual kind of contraction that you feel during orgasm. So don't confuse the two and start thinking that you have a problem. Secondly, that a lot of women get this a lot of women suffer with pain during orgasm so it's not unusual and you're not like the one person out there who's going through it and you're not alone in this so don't feel so unhappy and so uncomfortable thinking that, Oh my God, there's nobody else and I'm the only one suffering with this. It could be something as straightforward as just muscle tightness. And you can work on that by just going to a muscle, a pelvic muscle physioperson which is amazing. If it says please go and see a gynecologist go and see a doctor so that you can have it treated just in case. And finally, it could be to do with your emotional, or even the upbringing of being told that it's a guilty shameful thing so it could be any one of those things might be worth speaking to somebody or even seeing a therapist if you can manage that. I think we've covered all the points haven't we. Yeah, yeah and you know there are so many and and I think sometimes it's difficult to like it's hard enough talking about sex. So once again, it's a great question, because we're talking specifically about orgasm and it's tricky because you can see the loop that it causes you to anticipate the pain, and then you want to avoid sex or then sex can get, you know hurtful or you, the lubrication doesn't happen and the vagina becomes tight and it's dry. So do you see how it can start a vicious circle. So if it is present it's something that is treatable. Please do go and get a get some help. Otherwise it's just going to increase the complications then decrease it so please do get some help. Otherwise, thank you. And with that, well, I hope that you found this video useful if you have enjoyed it do please like comment subscribe and of course we'll see you over here again very soon.