 Your coca-cola bottler presents Claudia Claudia based on the original stories by Rose Franken brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola relax While you're listening refresh yourself Have a coke Claudia Isn't it a good idea my coming along to Redbury with you today? Oh sure fine Beautiful day. We're gonna kill two birds with one stone Somehow I don't like the sound of the way you put it I mean I'll get practice driving and you'll get to Redbury. I hope so Can I take the wheel now? Where do we get out of the city traffic? Oh good, then we can go faster. We're going 40 That's the speed limit. Oh, I said you were supposed to go faster than the speed limit You do if you want a ticket David. Are you actually afraid of getting a ticket? Well, it's not my favorite outdoor sport. It's very cowardly of you What's so terrible about a little ticket? It might be cowardly, but I've never gotten one and I don't intend to begin now Hey you fool, what do you think you're doing? Driver, what happened? And you see that female idiot pull right across the middle of the road. How do you know it's a woman you can't see? I'll bet you ten dollars. It's a woman. Oh, only a woman would drive like that now Now watch your speed up as I try to pass watch it Here go. Well, she doesn't want you to pass her. I wouldn't either You're all alike Just why is it that you think a woman can't drive a car as well as a man because they're biologically Psychologically and emotionally incapable of dealing with a piece of machinery Hey, what's the idea of cutting in like that? Another woman driver, I suppose another woman driver can't always be right. Why did you pass and see of course? I'm going to pass her. She's a minister anyone behind her Say, why don't you look where you keep your shirt on buddy such a nice little old lady? Listen, if women can't drive as well as men and I don't admit they can't Because they can't yell as loud or don't know all the bad words a man use. I am not yelling You are you've been carrying on the top of your voice ever since we got on the highway. David are we fighting? Man never taught his wife how to drive a car without a fight And we can prove the exception and not fight because you don't have to teach me our already know how No, there are two schools of thought on that subject the man whose car you bumped in last Friday wouldn't think so He didn't say I couldn't either look David. It's a nice quiet road leading off down there. Can't we go on it? Oh? All right, darling. I suppose so David you don't have to look so unhappy What have I got to look happy about? All right now slide over David you're not leaving me. Are you know I'm not leaving you worse luck I'm just getting on the other side of the car. I'm gonna show you just how beautifully I can drive What was that darling nothing? I was just talking to myself Hold on to your hat now. What are you trying to do make? Make me lose respect for myself No, no, no, no All right, darling. Here's the key. Why don't you leave it in the little thing? I'm a jing in the ignition Why didn't you leave it in there? I wasn't taking any chances. Oh, all right now put the key in and turn it to the left I know you turn it. How do you think I started the car the other times? I drove sometimes. I wonder well since you're so smart won't turn well and Turn it to the right But you said to the left. Oh turn it. You've got me confused. All right now Now push the starter button David stop telling me what to do. All right. All right. I won't open my mouth from now on Claudia step on the accelerator light your mouth David. I said lightly Put your foot through the floorboard Are easy on the clutch and light on the gas easy on the clutch and light on the gas Well Oh Why can't you do it that way every time? How do you know what way I do it every time? Oh, I love driving Claudia. Don't cross your feet. I always cross my feet when you drive a car You don't cross your feet Keep one foot close to the clutch not on the clutch and one on the gas be ready to put on the brakes David That is silly. I haven't got three feet. Don't argue with me. I've been driving for years I've been walking for years David look at that beautiful little old house Claudia keep your eyes on the road This is no time to be looking at the scene. I got two eyes one on the road The other was just looking around you mind if you want to look around I'll drive Please watch where you're going Don't drive across roads. You drive up and down them. You drive on the right side of them You're making me very nervous I drive perfectly around New York I go in and out of the traffic every which way See why you're making such a fuss about this silly old country road Honestly, you men make the simplest things sound so complicated It's all a part of a plot to impress the female sex. I suppose that's exactly what it is No, just stay behind that car head of you and everything will be perfectly all right Can I pass him? You cannot this is not a race. I'm merely joyriding Now there's a man driving that car head. So you just keep behind me David He's slowing down You slow down David. I think he's stopping. Oh, he hasn't put his hand out He's just slowing down. I think he's going to stop. Are you a mind reader? It's a woman's intuition. He's doing just what I would do if I were going to stop What's he doing thinking and now he's waving quick put on your break. I wonder is he waving? Put your break on I Told you he was going to stop and I told you to put your break on. Oh You mean put the break on Like this. It's too late now. You've already stopped David You told me to stay behind the car. I didn't tell you to crawl up its back Say if why don't you look where you're going now? Hold on a minute I was looking where I was going if you hadn't stopped nothing would have happened if I hadn't stopped well It's true. Claudia be quiet. I'm sorry sir, but my wife is just learning. I know how to drive. Thanks I've got a license to prove it. I get it. So you're teaching your wife how to drive I'm trying to you see that left rear fender waving in the wind My wife is learning how to drive to and you should see my garage door Well, I hope my wife didn't bang you up too much. This old jalopy Say after my wife your wife couldn't hurt it at all Well, good luck to you. Well, thanks well Well, what? Speechless with rage ought to be speechless with shame You run into a man's car and you don't even say you're sorry The way you two got together and took sides against your wives slide out from under the wheel and let me drive You've had your lesson for the day. I think you're impossible Possible took sides reckless incompetent mishandling of a car I'd been that man. I'd have taken a poke at me and run your neck Just because you're in such a bouncy mood don't take it out on the car by driving so fast around corners I'm not driving so fast around corners. I'm a good driver and I don't run into cars or break laws You're just perfect, aren't you? Well, I'm pretty near perfect when it comes to handling a car Suppose you are Here mr. Perfect. Let me straight. Hey, don't do that when I'm driving Oh, you almost ran into that car. It was an intersection and I had the right away. He ought to have stopped I've been driving. I suppose I would have been in the wrong in the other car in the right Well, if you had been driving you probably would have been in the wrong David. Are we fighting? No, I suppose so. It's just something that happens to a man when a woman drives a car We won't always be like this. No You'll get better and I'll get used to it Someday I may even have the philosophy of the man you ran into your sweet David. I am not sweet Oh, I meant it in a nice way. I wouldn't like one of those namby pamby men. David, there's a car behind us That's all right unless unless it's a woman driver, I suppose But it's not a woman driver. It's two men drivers. I think they're trying to pass I'm going 40 and that's fast enough anyone. They don't have to pass Going to pass anyway Policeman David a policeman David, it's too policeman. All right, Barney old field. What's the hurry you're going to a fire? I wasn't in any hurry officer. I was going exactly 40 miles an hour in a 40 mile zone Yeah, and you were doing exactly 40 miles an hour through the red light back there at the intersection What red light the pretty little red light hanging right over the middle of the road I didn't see it. Oh David I know what he means the red light back at the intersection where the car almost ran into us. Oh, do you be quiet? I Didn't see it officer. Oh, you didn't see it. No, but the little lady saw it Maybe you need glasses It's guys like you that make driving a menace on the highways maniacs. They won't stop at red lights with officer I tell you I didn't see it. Let's have your license right here Guys like you wanting to be given a license. You didn't see oh officer, please. I know what happened Claudia, please anything you say will only get us deeper into this mess But I don't get it. I just didn't see any red Officer, please but before you write that ticket wasn't his fault really it wasn't he really didn't see that light Lady you already admitted that you saw the light I saw it, but he didn't what are you trying to tell me that he's blind and you're a seeing-eyed dog and forgot the bark No, we have a dog But that's not the point. Please officer listen. My husband has never had a ticket and I never had a ticket either You see we're a family that's never had a ticket. I don't see anything except guys that drive through red lights You've got to understand he couldn't see the light you see Just as we came up to the light. I leaned across him so he couldn't see why Because his hair was rumbled and I was straightening it. He looks funny with his hair rumbled He looks funny with Sorry He does look funny with his hair. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is degenerated into a beauty contest I didn't see any light. But if I did go through one hour to have a ticket I don't have to sit here and have my hair discussed whether it's funny or not You know you're lucky buddy. It was Clancy over there in the car. You get this ticket Clancy isn't married But me I'm married my wife slapped a fly on my nose once and we ended up in a ditch Then you're willing to overlook it. Sure. You can go on being a no-ticket family Oh, officer. Thanks load and you'd better slide over and let your wife drive While you sit in the back and remember about red lights, but all but all because you're perfect Slide over. I'll call him back Slide over. Listen, it might be cheaper to get the ticket than to let you drive. I'll never get the redberry never Hey, what are you pulling out the ashtray for? My mistake. I thought it was the choke. Oh, Lord You've got as much mechanical ability as a fly. I've got other kinds of ability such as such as being Psychologically biologically and emotionally capable of dealing with a policeman David you love me. Yes, I love you worst luck now shift your gears This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney When folks call up and say they'd like to drop over no need of going into a tailspin wondering what you can serve them Just see that there's plenty of coca-cola in the refrigerator and you'll be able to offer them the most welcome or refreshment Chances are you can get coke by the case from your grocer or service station And that's a smart thing to do if you want to be ready for a company of any age at any hour Every day Monday through Friday. Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola So listen again tomorrow at this same time And now this is joking saying or of war and remember Whoever you are whatever you do wherever you may be When you think of refreshment think of coca-cola For ice-cold coca-cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes