 J-T-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Fifi from Every Day's a Holiday. One of the nicest letters we ever received came in recently from Mrs. D. White of Ham and Indiana. She says, I used a Jell-O for many years and always have several boxes on my pantry shelf. I have four small children and they love it as well as the grown-ups do. I have to count my pennies just now, but we're all satisfied if we can have Jell-O. It's economical and so delicious. I would also like to tell you how we all enjoy listening to Jack Benny. He's like your product, the best there is to be had. I suppose this is just one letter of many thousands writing to praise your fine dessert. But I sincerely mean every word of it. Well Mrs. White, we sincerely thank you for every word. It makes us very happy when people take the time and trouble to write us such nice letters. And there's really not much to add to that excepting this. Jell-O brings you extra rich fruit flavor and that's why it tastes so delicious. So when you buy, be sure to ask your grocer for genuine Jell-O. That was Fifi from Every Day's a Holiday played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, for a little surprise, Jack and Mary are driving back from San Francisco where we did our last broadcast. So we'll pick them up in the Maxwell en route to Hollywood. Take it away, Highway 99. Well, Mary, we sure had a nice time in San Francisco, didn't we? Yeah. But gee, this is a long drive. We left Thursday and here it is Sunday. I know, but remember it's 500 miles from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Now this trip used to take three months in a covered wagon. Gee, I'm glad we haven't got a top. It's Rochester's fault. Hey Rochester, speed it up. Let him alone. It's all he can do to hang onto the steering wheel. Well, if you're so bored with this trip, why didn't you take the train? You told me it was only a 10-hour drive and here we are on our fourth day. Well, I couldn't guess it right to the minute, could I? To the minute? The rate we're going, I'll be late for my Christmas shopping. Well, at least we haven't had any tire trouble. You didn't hear a blow out on the whole trip. Of course not. Those tires are too old to make a noise. And look at poor Rochester. He's all in just from driving. He is not. He hasn't complained at all. Hey Rochester, Rochester, hey Rochester. What's that? Rochester, wake up. Put the coffee on, honey. How dare you fall asleep at the wheel. Now don't let it happen again. All right. That's better. But it won't hurt to nudge me once in a while. Gosh, that was a narrow escape. Say, we ought to be getting into Los Angeles pretty soon. Rochester, you sure we're on the right road? I think so. There's a sign there says San Diego Zoo. Zoo? That's San Diego 200. Zoo. Say, at that we must be in the Los Angeles city limits. We've been there for two days. That's so. Gee, Mary, you're comical. Say, Mr. Benny. What is it? I hate to keep bringing this up all the time, but we need gas. Now we don't need any gas. Look at that gauge. It registers 12. That's the speedometer. Well, wait till we run out. Gas, gas, this car's got an appetite like a blonde. Uh, pull over, Rochester. What's the matter? A man on a bicycle wants to pass it. Oh, well, let him go if he's in such a rush. Get off the highway, you roadhog. Oh, go button your left. Says who? Says me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. If this argument expands, I'm neutral. He's just showing off on that bicycle he has. I hope he gets a puncture. Ha, ha, ha. Serves them right, goodie, goodie. That's us, boss. Us? Oh, we've got the flat. Cars like this are going to bring horses back. No, don't rub it in. Here's a gas station, Rochester. We better get that flat fixed. We need some gas anyway. Okay. Yes, sir, what'll it be? Fill it up. Now, wait a minute, Rochester. I'll handle this. Fill her up, fill her up. Give me about two and a... Oh, make it three. Give me three gallons of gas. Is there anything else? Yes, squeeze the hose. Yes, and another thing, but I just had a blowout. Fix the tire, will you? Okay. All right, what are you waiting for? Which one is flat? Can't you see? Which one is it, Rochester? Well, if that left front ain't wearing a stick pinned, that's it. Oh, yes, there it is. Fix it, bud. Why fix it? Haven't you got a spare? Yes, but I'm not going to take my geraniums out just for this. Now, check the oil and water. I'm going to the lunch room next door and get something to eat. Say, bud, is the food good in there? No, but you'll like it. The second cup of coffee's free. Fresh guy. Let's go, Jack. I want a ham sandwich. Me too. Can I get you anything, Rochester? Make mine a chicken sandwich on toast with a fried egg on it, bacon under it, and tuck in some sliced tomatoes. Oh, a six-decker, eh? What is it, your birthday? Yes, sir. Well, I don't care if it is. You'll get a ham sandwich the same as us. All right, but put a candle on it. Come on, Mary. She want to play. Even the cobwebs have cobwebs. Well, it's good enough for a sandwich, anyway. Good afternoon. We'd like two ham sandwiches, please. Boiled, baked, or deviled. I'll have baked. Give me deviled. Oh, lamb. Yeah. Two ham. One with horns. Okay, Amy. Now, let's see. How's your coffee? Much better, thanks. That's good. Oh, here's something I'd like, Mary. Pickled pig's feet. Give me an order of pickled pig's feet, lady. Do you want them plain or with spat? Plain. I don't want spat on them. Okay. Oh, lamb. Yeah. One pig's feet. Hold the galoshes. Gee, I'm awfully hungry, Jack. I want more than a sandwich. Why don't you try one of our special dinners? All you can eat for 35 cents. See, all you can eat for 35 cents. How can you make any money on that? Well, you taste the food. Oh, pipe down, lamb. That's my husband. He's a little wacky. Will there be anything else? Yes, I'd like something with my cloth. What kind of pie is that over there? It's either peach, cherry, apple, or layer cake. Well, don't you know? No. I'll take a piece anyway. I might hit the jackpot. Will you hurry those sandwiches, please? I'll go right in and take some up. I thought your husband was making them. What's he doing in the kitchen? He's got his wooden leg in the stove. We're out of coal. Oh, you're out of coal. Ouch! What's the matter, lamb? We're out of wood, too. Now, please hurry that up, lady. We've got to get going. Okay. There's a radio right behind you if you want to pass the time while you're waiting. Yes, thanks. See, Mary, tune in on something, will you? All right, but if it's us, I'll scream. And, uh, furthermore, it's not only economical, but easy to make. So look for the big red letters on the box. Sing, Kenny. Well, now there's a coincidence. Yeah, ain't it? Well... Rosalie, my darling. Rosalie, my dream. Since one night when stars danced above I mow So much in love Oh, Rosalie, have mercy Rosalie, don't decline Won't you make my life thrilling And tell me you're willing to be mine? Rosalie, mine. When knighthood was in flower And a man would amade Beneath her sacred bar He sang a serenade Today is just the same He calls to her by name And sings a serenade Rosalie, my darling Since one night when stars danced above I mow So much in love Oh, Rosalie, have mercy Rosalie, won't you make my life thrilling And tell me you're willing to be mine? Kenny Baker singing Rosalie from the picture of the same name. And Kenny, that was really excellent. If Jack were here, he'd say that you sang that song With vibratility, animation, and subwoofer. Oh, Jack wouldn't say that. Oh, if he would too. Well, he wouldn't understand it then. Say, Don, I wonder what's keeping Jack? They left San Francisco Thursday. Yes, he should have been here a long time ago. He probably had trouble with that gasoline snail he drives. Well, we've got to keep this program going. Now, let's see, what can we do? I'm double-jointed that that'll help any. Oh, Kenny, you've done your share. Have you any suggestions, Phil? Sure, how about a crap game? Oh, no, Phil, nothing to it. Well, we just can't stand here like a bunch of goofs. Why not? Hello, pal! Well, boy, it was a nice trip, but we're sure glad to be home. Well, what delayed you, Jack? Did you have any trouble? No, what was the hurry? We just took our time and stopped whenever we wanted to. Didn't we, Mary? Yeah, and whenever we didn't want it, too. Well... Uh, tell him about that bicycle that passed us. A bicycle? No kidding, Jack. Did the bicycle really pass you? Well, what of it? It was a brand-new 1938 model. Boy, was Jack mad? Well, I wasn't mad when he passed me, but burned me up when he started doing those figure eights around my car. See, he was a regular Sony Heiney on wheels. Hey, Rochester, did you bring up my bags? Yes, sir. Here they are. All five of them. Oh, you carried them all up at once. They must be pretty heavy. No, they ain't. I forgot to pack them. You forgot to pack them? That's fine. I'm here in my closure in San Francisco. Now what'll I do? I can lend you one of my suits, Jack. Well, thanks, Kenny. Although, it might be a little snug on me. Not after you bend over. What'll it do until I get my own bag? Well, Jack, I can let you have a shirt. Oh, one of your shirts, Donna? That's fine. I won't need your suit, Kenny. Now, let's see. What else do I need? Say, Jack, I can let you have a beret. You look good in that. That's well, a tight suit, an oversized shirt, and a beret. If you need a slip, let me know. Thanks, Mary. That's sweet of you. Hey, Mr. Benny. Yes, Rochester? If you need any shoes, there's room in mine. Don't get so clubby, Rochester. Just leave the bags here and run along home. I want to stay and listen to the program. You can't stay here. There's a lot of work waiting for you at home. That's what I mean. All right, Rochester, you can stay. Just sit down and be quiet. Yes, sir. Well, let's get on with the show, fellow. What have we got lined up for tonight? Well, Jack, I forgot to tell you. There's been a reporter around here looking for you. A reporter? Yes, you know, there have been a lot of statements in the papers lately saying that you're going to retire from radio and he wants to verify it. Yeah, what's it all about, Jack? Gee, I don't know. It's news to me. I mean, I might have said that someday when I'm old and gray, I might settle down on a little chicken farm. What are you waiting for, the chicken? No, I expect to be working for a long time yet and on radio, too. Even television. Yeah, maybe even in technicolor. There's an idea. I'll look good in technicolor, won't I, Mary? Yeah, if they ever need a blue leading man. Well, anyway, fellas, I can't quit radio. Now, what would you all do without me? That's right. If I worked for any other guy, I'd have to learn music. You sure would, Phil. And another thing, fellas, supposing something happened and I did retire, there are plenty of other comedians, as Fred Allen, Eddie Cantor, Bob Burns, and yes, there's Phil Baker. And that guy ought to retire, too. What? Who said that? I did. Just call me Beagle. Beagle? Beagle? Beagle? Who? Beagle? Oh, Jack, that's the invisible man who haunts the Baker's program all the time. You know you hear his voice, but you never know where he is. Oh, that werewolf. What's he doing over here? Listen, Beatles, did you come over here to haunt me? How can one ghost haunt another? Now, wait a minute, Beagle. I'm not a ghost. Oh, you're not, eh? No. Well, you'll do the Halloween comes along. Oh, yeah? Hey, where's that voice coming from, anyway? I don't know. You got me. Gee, this makes me feel creepy all over this. A good bath will cure that. That's so I bathe as often as you do. Oh, a fugitive from Saturday night, eh? The fine thing in the middle of a broadcast arguing with a phantom. Gee, this is spooky. I'm scared. Me, too. Gee, I don't feel so good either. Well, guess I'll be running along now. Rochester, you stay right here. Yeah, stick around. Don't count on it. Well, what are you scared of, white boy? I ain't white. No way do you look in a mirror. All right, Beagle, we got a program to do. Now, what are you bothering me for? I hate comedians. Then why pick on Jack? Tell him a thing or two, Mary. Oxford 7071, kid. It's a date. Oh, that's a good one. That's fine, Mary, making a date with a ghost, a spook, a phantom. Yeah, I'm going to jail. Rochester, where are you going? To Phil Baker's. That Beagle can't be in two plays at one time. Oh, I can't, eh? Now, come here, Rochester. Uh-uh, so long, folks. Chester. Hey, by Phil Harrison as auction. Phil, I'm glad you picked out such a hot tune. That's just what we needed after that jittery episode with Beagle there. Are you sure that guy's gone? Yes, why? Come on back, man. You know, Jack only had half a band. Oh, what cowardly musicians. There's a lot of spineless jellyfish. And now, folks, going from the... Uh, oh, Jack. What? Three of those jellyfish are taking off their coats. Hey, Phil, discipline your man. Sit down, boys. You can get them later. You see, Smarty? I should worry. I'm through way before they are. And now, folks, going from nothing to the sublime. Tonight, we're going to have a party. Come in. Pardon me. Are you Jack Benny? Yes, I am. Well, I'm Evan's plumber of Radio Guide. Is there any truth to the report that you are about to retire from radio? Uh, well, not that I know of. And who should know better than me? Or is it I? I is correct. Well, you can quote I as saying... That there must have been some misunderstanding. To tell you the truth, I'm going to have a party. That there must have been some misunderstanding. To tell you the truth, Mr. Plummer, between the radio and the cinema, I expect to be guizzy for quite a time. Don't I, Miss Livingston? Rather, pip-pip. So you see, Mr. Plummer, it'll be a long, long time before I fold up my microphone and bid radio adoyed. Or as the French say, adios. I see. Well, Mr. Benny, what do you think you will be doing in the future? Let us say 20, 30, or even 40 years from now. Well, that's rather an interesting question. Would you really like to know what I will be doing 40 years from now? Yes, I would. Then listen. Are we ready, boys? Yeah. Curtain. Music. J-E-L-L-R. The Jello program starring Jack Benny and Mary Livingston with Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with memory. Swing it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you our master of ceremonies, Jack Benny. Whee-dee-bin, boys. Jello again. This is Jack Benny talking. Yippee. How are you feeling, Don? Well, I'm feeling fine, Jack. Fit is a fiddle. How are you? A. I said, how are you? It sure is. I hope it stays this way. Yes, sir. Well, tell me, Jack, how's your rheumatism? A hundred percent. It's up to my ears now. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. A. I said, what's that? I read my lips, you old fossil. I would if you could move the durn thing. Mary, how's your husband? A. Glad to hear it. Mary, you're looking good. You have your face lifted again? No. Padded lords this time couldn't get my hat on. On. Yep. You are putting a lot of fat on. Well, well, well, here comes Kenny Baker. Hello, Jack. Is it time for me to sing yet? Pretty soon, Kenny. I hope so. My wife and family are listed in. Oh, say, I meant to ask you for the last ten years. How many kids you got now? Five boys. Five boys, eh? Yep. Let Bing Crosby top that. That's a snicker. What are you going to sing tonight, Kenny? Buy me a beast of shame. Durn thing still around. Say, Jack, here comes Phil Harris. Oh, baldy, eh? He lost his hair, folks. Still a durn rounder, though. Hello, Jack, old boy. Glad to see you. You talk to me, Phil Harris, after that New Year's Eve date you fixed up for me back in 38. What date? Padded lords this time couldn't get my hat on. Oh, Dolores, what she, whatever became of her? You know Durn well what became of her. I ain't married till already young. Well, if you can break loose tonight, I got a couple of hot numbers. Oh, no, I don't see how you can keep on running around at your age there, Harris. Every time I see you, you got a girl under each arm. I need them to hold me up. Well, that's better than pulling your nightclubs. Can you still do the big apple? Shucks, I can't even eat one. Well, just the same. You seem to go on forever. And so does Gallow with its six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. It looks for the big red. Keep going, Wilson. I can't do it. I'm out of breath. Too bad, too bad. Hey, Jack. What? There's a tottering through the door. Oh, hello, Andy. Hi, you buck. Here I am again. You're the only one of us whose voice hasn't changed. It still ain't Schubert's serenade. Hey, you look mighty spry for a man 82. You stand so straight and erect. Gosh, my arteries are so hard I can't bend over. How's your mowing, Pa? Not so good, buck. They were playing tennis yesterday, Pa got his beard caught in the racket. He's in pretty bad shape. Why, what happened? He swung at the ball and broke his neck. Oh, that's too bad. Your mow must feel terrible. Yeah, it broke up the game. Well, Andy, now that you're here, how about you and me playing a game of checkers? Oh, no. You play too rough. I do with that. Well, let's have another rumber by the orchestra. Go ahead, Phil, play something. What do you want me to play? Don't make no difference. I can't hear it anyway. What are you laughing at, Mary? I can't hear it. Oh, go ahead, Phil. Wait a minute. Come in. Mister, are you going to retire from radio? No, I'm not. Then are you? Here's some news for everybody who likes good things to eat. That certainly does mean everybody. It's a new Jell-O recipe called Ocean Crest Bavarian, and it's one of the most delicious that you've ever tried. A lovely, creamy combination of lime Jell-O molded with nut meats, dates, and marshmallows. And here's the way to make it. Dissolve one package of lime Jell-O and chill until cold and syrupy. Then fold in the following. One half cup of whipped cream, one half cup of chopped nut meats, 12 dates, and six marshmallows cut into small pieces. Pour into a mold and chill until firm. Ocean Crest Bavarian is so attractive to look at and swell to eat. It's a real party dessert and still it's easy to make. Just be sure to use genuine Jell-O, for Jell-O brings you delicious extra-rich fruit flavor. So ask your grocer for Jell-O tomorrow and make some Ocean Crest Bavarian. This is the last number of the 18th program of the new Jell-O series, with you again next Sunday night at the same time. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a special announcement, and that is two weeks from tonight by special permission of Samuel Goldwin, where I'm going to present our version of United Artists' Outstanding Production Hurricanes. This will be the supreme effort of the Benny Guild. So be sure and listen in, folks, as this will be presented for one night only. Remember, our version of that drama of the South Seas Hurricanes. Come on, Jack, let's blow. Oh, good night, folks. J-E-L-L-O! This appears on the Jell-O programs with courtesy of Martin Roy Productions. The tune I could use to bring is from Sally Irene and Mary. This is an actual broadcasting company.