 Thank you. I just wanted to show you that we have stamps, but we have the Contest Wikimedia Loves Monuments and Wikilove FOLC, and for the winners we make stamps. So if you want to look at them, you can come and visit me. Hi. So I will show the stamps we've in charge in our correos company, right? So see you. Thank you. If there are people who've been around the movement for like 18, 20 years, you can be considered a monument and take a picture of yourself and maybe she'll put you on a stamp. Hi everyone. Welcome to our workshop how to communicate like a collaborative leader. I'm Jamba de Vrede. I'm from Wikimedia Netherlands and I'm involved in several capacity building initiatives. And you are by any chance? I am not the so tall person next to him. So my name is Nada Farra. On Wikimedia you may find me under the name Nada Karim 2020. And I'm a member of the Leadership Development Working Group. So I know something about leadership and more about communication skills for leadership and have a nice time with us. Chinu, do you want to reintroduce? No, no, it's okay. We can continue with the session. Maybe there are new people. Okay. Okay. To the new people here in this room. Hi, I'm Chinu, my username is Chinmay Mishra and I'm from India. I have been a volunteer for the last seven years and working as a Let's Connect working group member for the last four months. And I'm happy to welcome you all here. Thank you. Okay. So as you can see, we have an ass and in Wikimedia we want what we need actually, our members, to not be an ass and not make an ass of you and me as your colleague. And assumptions, actually when you give an assumption or judgment, you maybe, you can be an ass. And I have to say sorry for a lot of asses that I have said in a very short time. So now you can join each other in a group of three. And each one of you will say three things. Two of them will be facts and one of them will be a lie. And I want to ask Jan to give you an example. So tell me two facts about yourself and the lie. And I will try to figure out what is the lie. I'm going to stick to one lie and one truth. Okay. So as you know, I'm from the Netherlands. We talked earlier, so we know. So I eat on average is true powerful once every day. And the second fact is that I spend most of my youth in Africa, Asia, and other countries. Okay. So I have seen you eat strong buffles. So I suppose you eat one every day. This is probably one of the worst tragedies in my life. But because I'm a diabetic, I cannot eat a lot of true powerful. So I've had one small one yesterday and like the year before that, no true powerful. I have grown up in Sri Lanka and in Kenya. So the assumption there, Dutch, good, fair assumption, but this is not a good judgment, not a good assumption, but join together and start. Yes, you have five minutes for this activity. Yeah, groups of three, or if you need to two, and just tell one fact, one lie about yourself and have the other people try and guess. And it'd be nice if you try and play into stereotypes that exist about your culture, about your look about everything else. So we can sort of trap the other person into we're being mean here today. In normal conversations, we'd be aware. Oh, she's hidden there. If you hold the sign behind the pillar, we can't see. Oh, this sounds like this should be on the other side. This is the sign. It's like, this is how you dress today. So when I leave the house, my wife is not responsible for my dress, but she goes to be like, so this is what you're wearing today. So that's like you. So this is the slide we're using today. I guess that's the slide down there, I guess. No judgements. No assumptions. So it would be a better slide right now. You're very good at lying. You need to sit. What can I sit? You can sit. I'm older and more broken bones. And I have to sit diabetic. I can't stand. It's like I'm dying. I've lost my arm with diabetic. You know, I'm an older white guy over 50. What is it my turn for privilege? You know, what is it? What, like 200 years? Does that count? I'm just counting. You haven't lost a privilege. And not much of it either. So how do you think it makes me feel? When I join Jessica, I say I'll volunteer, registration, whatever, for let's connect sessions. And then she says, do you want to facilitate the session rather than the two women from Indian Palestine? Like, yeah, that makes me feel like doing a really good job is not a white guy here. We need to get a white guy in there because otherwise she will come in. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I was here. I said, there's a guy over there from the board. You've got Patricia for me. You're still my hero. You're the only one in my life who has a body. It would be mean to say that. You're old. It's true. I've known you for more than 24 hours, and yet I know I have chocolate on me and I'm guarded this minute. I'm just saying. Nice. So Beverly. A lot of people turn up. Yeah, all of a sudden it's like, yeah. Yeah. All right, can everybody wrap up a little bit? Yeah. The people in the back, if you feel like seeing a table, that'd be great. Nice, warm tables close to us. I'm a little bit threatening, but they will disarm me. I think they're already engaged in that conversation. We're telling them to wrap up. Beverly is very straight. We need to go and get them. Okay, everyone, can we wrap up? Have you discovered each other's worst lies and best kept secrets now? I'm not going to ask you to share because, you know. So this is the second session in the Let's Connect series of workshops. We're not going this afternoon. We'll do a little promo at the end. Chinu, can you tell me a little bit more about Let's Connect? Oh, yes. Thank you, John. So hello, everyone. My name is Chinu. My username is Chinmay Mishra once again to those who arrived late, a little bit late. Okay, I'll tell you more about Let's Connect, what it is. So basically it's a peer learning program based on community requirements but supported by the Wikimedia Foundation. And we have certain kind of learning statements for now. The general learning or training pattern we follow is a learning clinic. We call it as learning clinic instead of some sessions. We try to identify what are the common thoughts or what are the common requirements people are having. We have a restriction platform. You can check the details on Meta. Let's connect MetaPace. You can go and register yourself or you think somebody is in need in terms of any kind of resources or any sport learning training. You can suggest somebody to get registered and we will be helping you with providing that support that you need. So learning clinic is always fun. It is not a strict space where we would expect you to not to make any mistakes, not to bring asked questions. So it's a fun space. It's open for all and it is good. So thank you for your patience and being participating here. You can find the details on the MetaPace how to register. And just in case anybody wants more details after the session, we can continue with that. Thank you. Over to you. I know where this microphone is always at the wrong height when I start to speak. So this is our agenda for today. We have the next one hour 45 minutes. Then we'll let you out for lunch. So glad that you spent the time with us just to get yourself in a better position to communicate with other leaders or other people within the movement. And we're going to go into the why, why we're here, then talk about our case study, which we use in several different ways to illustrate what we're trying to explain. And we're going to go into two exercises with you in needs versus strategy and request versus demands. Why are we here today? Thank you. So before we jump into like, you know, the clinic going forward, we need to understand what are the outcomes that you as a participants can expect from the session. So you can be introduced to new skills, you can identify your hidden strengths and hidden supports that you can extend to other people. Plus you can know what are the leadership qualities required basically to be in such a vast moment. Like we can be the moment where like, you know, a lot of threats attached to it when you are working in a community, be it like a strong opinion, opinionated or decision making skills, expert or something like that, because a lot of times we have to face some kind of time crunching situation where we have to take immediate actions. So this clinic, by the end of this clinic, at least you will be aware of what are the strategies you can take forward, what are the understanding that you can get from different approaches, whether it's a need, it's a request, it's a command, somebody is hesitating to put the request to you. So you will be able to identify all those things. At least that's the best understanding we can get. Yeah, so the idea is we're using the concept of nonviolent communication on the second to last week, we will have some more links for you if you want to get more into this, but the principles are actually quite simple. So actually, there's some podcasts here which Beverly from the Foundation has sent to me, which are like really short explaining all the concepts you're done in five podcasts of 1050 minutes. But we're focusing on just two things today. But the idea is, I'm sorry, I need to go back. The idea basically is that rather than communicate what we think should happen, we should communicate more about what we need, and then come up with the other partner on how we can find ways to achieve that. So we'll go into that a little bit later, but that's the basic premises of this means of communication. If we talk about leadership, which we're hoping a lot of you are involved with with let's connect or you're here so you're obviously involved in some capacity with the foundation of which the movement. And we're assuming that you will want to learn to communicate better we had a workshop before this on basically how to start a conversation move to the meat of the conversation, etc. And this is also workshop where we try and find ways for you as a leader to communicate with other leaders and express your needs, but also make sure you understand what the other person is coming from etc. Can you tell us a little bit more about leadership. In the leadership development working group, we have worked over a year to draft a leadership definition in Wikimedia context. Leadership in Wikimedia is about sharing. It's, there is no hierarchy here. There is no position. There's rules. There is sharing and sharing is getting. So, we are groups. We have also set actions, qualities and outcomes that would be expected if you have followed the definition of leadership in Wikimedia and leaders in Wikimedia guide, inspire and encourage and motivate a group of people to toward a common and shared goals. And in terms of actions and qualities, leaders need to be empathetic. And these one of the things that we are aiming to explain through our workshop or clinic as we, as let's connect, like to call. And we also said that one of the qualities of leadership is trust building, create a supportive environment for others. And these qualities are not inherited. They are not in our genes. You can practice them and you can learn them. They are available for everyone and it's not a matter of position. It's a matter of practice. As I said earlier, this is our definition for leadership in Wikimedia context. So, in leadership, there is a set of skills. And as you see, this is, do you have qualities? Those qualities, if you were able to have some of them, you don't have to have all of them. So, you can be empathetic. You can be resilient. You can have sustained growth. But you don't have to have all of them. But if you have most of them, you can have, they can govern your actions. Those actions will contribute to a supportive environment. You can set a shared goal and guide collaborative decision making. And those actions will yield those outcomes and people will have new ideas. They will feel safe. And we want Wikimedia to be a safe space for everyone to provide their ideas. So, to go to the first step, we can see, like, you know, in our movement, in our community, in our nearby people, we see that they are facing certain kind of problems or challenges, but they hesitate to address that at times. Or if they addressed it to somebody, there are not so good leaders, those who act on actions on the point when there is a time of need. And obviously, there should be another threat attached to it. Like, you know, maybe there are some other priorities. There are some other strategies that they can move ahead with. So, to understand the first step, to address or to find that elephant in the room, what is the challenge? What is the need? What is the requirement? We can try to address by this. As you can see, the elephant in the picture is entering the room. Somebody inside is not aware of it. But the moment they will see it, they'll definitely try to address. What is it? Okay, some issues there. We need to face this or we can see for the possible challenges we have. So, and at times for us in Wikimedia movement, it could be challenging for us. Considering there should be some emotional attachments regarding because people, those who have been in the movement for years, they see their projects as their own babies, not just a project, not just a contribution. And they try to develop it in some other way. And moving ahead when they see that there are some challenges, they either kind of be so much aggressive about it to just to defend their babies from any problem. And I see some smiles in the background. People are relating to it. So, our goal is to address that, to understand that approach and can move next. Yes. That's fine. Yeah, so that actually when I was interested in joining the presentation, one of my questions was like, why are we doing this? And one of the elephants in room is what you mentioned. And there's a lot of people apparently in the let's connect group mentions like, they feel it's really hard to connect as a new leader to established people in the in the movement who already have a position feel like they might want to protect a position. Whereas if you talk to some of the people who are have been around for a while, they're like, Oh, I'm really interested in new ideas. And I want to share new ideas that there's an assumption there that for some reason that we can't really work together yet or there's a distance. And one of the things in this workshop will help you cover that distance. So we're going to choose a workshop to you, which we'll hand out now we have 20 sets. So I'm hoping it'll be enough where you need you to get in pairs, if possible. And if it doesn't work out, you can have a group of three, but pairs will be most efficient. And the questions are in the screen. We're introducing two people to you. I hope you get to know what small talk that called Lola and Anise. You have 15 minutes to discuss the case questions. And then we'll come back for a collaborative sort of debrief and see what we've learned or anything else. The people in the back, there's still room here at the table. There's one he's just by himself doing the case that can't work for some reason. I don't know how you can reflect with yourself. You can but not here, I guess. So if somebody would like to move up to this table from the back and be enthusiastic like me. That's hard. Ah, there we have a volunteer. Thank you, sir. Oh, I'm not going to point out the volunteer because that would be wrong. Thank you. Thank you for moving up. So feel free. Is there enough cases to go around? Yeah. So if there's not enough, please feel free to join a group of two. So we have groups of three now because we don't have enough printed cases. You need to spend a few minutes reading through the case. It's not a huge lab thing of text, but it's just three slides with pictures. But please prepare them by going through. So if you're in the back and you don't have a case study, please join a group of two and join that table. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone. If you've read the case, you can move on to the questions. If you have questions, it's unclear about the case. Raise your hand that will come and help you out. But feel free to move on to the questions if you haven't done that already. If I tell you to go chasing, you'll go chasing. So I'm not telling you to chase that guy. That's good. We have 39 people currently. And that's like 15, including all my personnel, please. So. I can't wear the shirt twice. I can wear it. I'll wear it at the final part. Do you see the weather here? Yeah. I can have a movie you can have like a relative movie. Yes, I said exactly. That's a good diagram. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone, three more minutes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we have one more minute anyway. One minute? Yeah. I used it. I just told them like three more minutes. You are focused. All right, everyone. Thank you. I know that the thing with this case is I think it's recognizable from almost everyone in this room. Has been a one of the two sizes arguments. It's like, wait, I'm an establishment comedian. What are all these new people doing and all these new people? Hey, I'm a new person trying to organize something. Why are they not giving me space? So just as a general, we've known this from the last session. It's hard for people to come back and give feedback to the whole group. You don't have to stand up. You can just shout it if you want. The first obvious question is who's right here. So who's who thinks Lola's right? Has arguments. Who thinks Anise's right? Who has another opinion? None. No one is right. Or both are right. That was an easy one, right? Sorry, gave that away too. Yeah, everyone is always right in their own, like everyone has their own story. And it always feels like they're right, obviously. And it's, I think it's, it's important to look beyond the obvious things and see what really is at the heart of the argument. And it's also worth seeing what assumptions are being made. Can somebody name some assumptions that are being made in this case by one of the two players? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so both assume that the other person has to see the problem in the same way that they're seeing the problem because obviously that's how we all work. We operate from a certain background. We therefore think if I've explained this to you, then obviously you must understand because you must have the same background as I do. And obviously we all have different backgrounds. So that's a good one. We all, we all assume that the other person views the problem the same way, which is not the case. Did everyone hear that? I'm just going to repeat it. Anise might assume that Lola actually hasn't done a lot of background check, hasn't done any homework, and it's just out of the fly thinking of, oh, I'm just going to organize something without actually knowing what's involved. A lot of people who are involved in our movement are, have tried to organize things, have learned lessons, and assumed that all the new people need to learn those lessons as well and obviously need to be reminded and probably haven't done all the homework yet. So it's actually a fair assumption. One of the two players might assume the worst from the other player. Also good. Another assumption. Yes. So that's a good one. There was an assumption that if someone doesn't respond to the message on the talk page, they're deliberately ignoring you. Whereas the talk page is a medium for a lot of people here, but for other people there might be other ways to communicate. Yes. Okay. So I also feel that they both assume that they are right and they've done the needful. You know, Lola felt she has communicated an intention and local communities should just understand that she. Okay. So the hand also felt, oh, I've given you the meta page. You've read about our programs. You know what to do and it's a lot of assumptions and it makes them feel, oh, we've done the needful. So we just have to move on at that point. But it resulted in the very bad outcome, you know, and it's all assumptions. So it's problematic. It's a very bad outcome, but I think it happens so much more than we think in our movement because I think everyone has a story like this sooner or later. There's also another thing here, which is like someone's personal situation. It can be as simple as you being grumpy to me because you haven't had lunch yet or I'm in a very, actually that would be the other way around. Sorry. Or just basically I'm going through a hard time. Therefore I'm not able to communicate as much as I would want to. I'm not able to compensate for communication fills because I have a three months deadline for something or whatever. So there's also all kinds of things outside of the case, which could also affect someone's behavior. And it's always hard to imagine those, but it's all it's probably easier to imagine that these things could exist. One more, maybe assumption or something else you observe about the case. Raise your hand. The microphone will come to you. There's one hand here. If no one else will do too. Thank you. I guess also the assumption that they're talking about the same scope. Maybe Lola means magic in the context of card tricks and stage magic. Whereas any Swarys that Lola believes in magic and believes that he can put a curse on her neighbor or that she can summon fairies. There are two very different topics in the context of the Wikimedia movement and content that will be included in Wikimedia. Nice. We talked this case through several times. This hadn't come up great. And the final gentleman over there. So, yeah, it seems to me that Lola has the assumption that the affiliate is there mostly to assist her in her projects. Whereas unease has the opposite assumption of that Lola has to follow their leadership because they're already the established affiliate. Yeah, I think that's very good. That's actually the summary of a lot of these cases as well. One of the underlying things is that there's sorry. Did you want to say something? Oh, go for it. No problem. Thank you. Maybe the result was not good for both activities. But maybe the reason is not that they so proposed just because. I mean, maybe they, if they had joined in a single activity working together, it wouldn't be also not very good. I mean, it's not as you, I assume that the fact that the results were bad is that they didn't work together or they so propose. I mean, that's coming to the slide now. That's actually good segue in what I wanted to tell you. There's a reason why both Lola needs are acting the way they are. They have needs. They want to accomplish something. They want to have that need fulfill. And the problem is that their need is not being met. Both of them are not happy and so they're both frustrated. And this leads me to our next topic, which is the difference between needs and strategies. This is one of the two taglines I tried to lure you in with on the telegram group. So we all have needs. These are things which are basic to us. They're simple things like sustenance, roof over your head, things like that. But they're also more complex things like being recognized or feeling loved or having meaning in life. Wondering about what you're doing, if that has impact, etc. And these are very basic needs. And actually on a universal level, we all have these to some degree. It depends. Some find other needs more important. If you don't have food, it's harder to think of other needs. But we all have a similar basic group of needs. And at the same time, we wondering how do we meet these needs? And that's where we come up with strategies. And the key word here is we come up with strategies. So I myself have a certain need. I will therefore think of a strategy to make that need happen. A good example is yesterday we were preparing the session and someone said, in our slide deck, can we put our name on every one of the slides so we know who to present which slide? I managed to still mess this up just now, but you never noticed. But I'm like, okay, we can add your name. And then later on, I'm like, oh wait, why do you want to do that? And she goes, well, because I need to feel prepared. I need to know what I have to prepare for the session. And it gives me a feeling of security that I know that I have to prepare these slides. So the actual need is much different from the strategy. The strategy is let's put our name on every one of the slides so I know what to do. But the need is I want to come to the session prepared so that the 40 plus people in the room will not feel like they're not being, they don't have prepared presentation. So that's a difference there and that happens a lot all the time. We all think of our own strategies because we think we're best at formulating our own strategy for the need we have. A simple one is I'm hungry, so I will go get lunch in one hour. A more complex one is I need to feel more accomplished. So I think someone needs to recognize my contribution to movement. I'll organize an event. Regardless of what Anisa is doing, I, Lola, will organize an event and make sure people see what I do and I'm visible. And the other way around, Anisa is saying, I think people should respect the fact that we have an institution which has a grant, which has a schedule, which has all these activities which were approved by the Foundation, everything else, and we want to make sure that we stick to that schedule. And people need to recognize all the hard work that went into that. So he wants to feel more respected and more recognized for what he has already done. And Lola might want to feel more included in the movement, which apparently is not as welcoming to her as she thought it would be. A final example on this is a really basic one, but if you, like for example, we have here, everyone flies here and talks to people, but you can also be lonely here. You can just be like, oh wait, you phone out of your country for the first time, you feel the need for connection, so you go find someone you already know, you call a family member even, but in some way you want to feel included in this group of people, or you want to at least have a connection with someone. That's your strategy. For other people, it's a different strategy. They basically go out and see who comes and talks to them, and they're like, I'll just wait, I'm okay. And then after a while, people will come up to me, but it's a completely different strategy for different people. Okay, so I already went into this a little bit. But there's a conflict, a lot of conflicts arise from the confusion between strategy and needs. If you try and tell people, I want you to do this, then that often leads to an unanswered question of why. Whereas if you try and explain to them, I need this and therefore this would help. That is often a connection people, oh, but then I can also help you think of other ways of making making your need met. This all sounds very soft and touchy feeling, but it's really essential in communication because you want to make sure that the other person knows what you really need, so that the other person can help think with you. We're all smart people in this entire conference. All these people here are people who help work on different projects who spend their volunteer time. They all have good intentions. They all want to help each other, yet we manage to miscommunicate so much of the time. Everyone tries their best. Everyone tries to communicate in an effective way. Jet lag compared to your own bias, your own assumptions, huge cultural differences. They all lead to different communications challenges. And this case is one of those examples I'm not going to go into it again, but we saw the needs of Anise and Lola might be different, but they're also on a fundamental level, very understandable to the other party. So communicating those needs and thinking about how to take the next step is actually really essential. Finally, so this is a guideline for the exercise we're going to do next. Try and look beyond the strategy and try to understand each other's needs. That also means you can actually ask for clarification. Like, you want me to do this? Why? What do you really want to achieve? The question behind the question is something I'd say. And then you can work together on finding a strategy that works for both of you. Now let's try this. Okay, the tricky part here is we have to do this in Paris because it only works in Paris, so we need to split up the earlier groups, but we don't have any more paperwork, so that's a good news. But we would like you to split up in a group. We have an eight minute exercise. One person spends, I'm being watched by Beverly here if I say this correctly, three minutes explaining a recent conflict or a problem they had with another person within Wikimedia, within our movement. Then the other person will try and give reflection on that and say, so as I see it, you both had this strategy, but behind that you might have had that need. That's five minutes. And then you have a small reflection time of another three minutes. No, we don't. Okay, sorry. My fault. I did it again. Five minutes for the second person to reflect on that and the first person to give back, oh, you got that right or you didn't get that right and discuss the reflection the second person gave. So you spend three minutes on discussing a recent conflict or problem you've had. Then you spend five minutes on debriefing that starting with the second person saying, so I think these were the strategies you both use and I think these were the needs you really had and you can discuss those. Yes, so do that in groups of two. And that's eight minutes. And then we'll do it the other way around after deep. If you have questions raise your hand, we will find you. No hands, no questions. Yes. I think it worked. Which is better than this morning. Why am I not being able to But I think Yeah, being able to sign But that really helped people There's four points like no one's right. It's like Is it Or just you can put it in the script and then the comment part. Because it's a really good first question. Because people know Yes. So these are really nice. So like give me And then you can go on the screen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone we've had the first three minutes. So it's time to do the reflection back. If you haven't started. My lady is back. My lady is back. She came for a bag. You want me to do it? You can do it. You're fine. And if you don't. If you mind the next. So I can just summarize. If I feel that it's good to do it. Don't worry about it. When you start just to summarize. You can feel that I missed something. Yeah, I can just help you. Thank you. And I also have a general sentence. Because I think it's important here. Within our movement. We also have the receiving part. There's a lot of people here. Maybe you. Any request is viewed as a demo. And you should know this to recognize that. All right. We are here. You have the. I have the. I like the fact that. Just now I moved here. To the slide. And then after 10 minutes of five minutes of feedback. Like, oh, we need to move that slide to. I was so annoyed when. The power safe was on. So every time I want to look at my notes. Like, oh, they're not here. But I need those notes. There's not. That's why they said yesterday. They said. If you want to have your notes. You can't use their presentation. Because it will never show the notes. Yeah. No. And I think this is automatically the same screen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You should. You're struggling. She's. I know what. I have no trouble. She's. She says I want to sit down. Yeah. I'm tired. She doesn't know. So like what is it my turn? She goes this finger turn for a while. So she's, I'm missing to her. I'm scared of that type. She's the one that's wearing the garden. Which are right for her. Have you read the session? Yes, I think we should, I stopped reading the session and she said we'll just see what it's like. Isn't it? Oh, fine. So at the beginning, I think I pointed to your first line I was supposed to do, right? Thank you for stepping up, but I was like, wait, I'm supposed to do this. Hello, everyone. I hope you had a good first round. I would like to ask you to turn it around. And now the second person gives a story of three minutes. And the second person gets reflected back to by the first person, you spend five minutes reflecting on what you understood. If the person, the other person got the interpretation right. So please switch and I will warn you again after three minutes. So spend three minutes explaining your recent incident problem challenge with another Wikimedia or another entity within the move. Yeah, I've been involved with a lot of things. I know her business. Yeah, I'm one of the clients who was trying to open up a business in the city. So now we're sort of looking at more heads-off that are going to be conducted at their houses. They're going to have a program. So I'm going to proceed with some of the project work. I'm glad to hear that. Well, this session is already giving me a chance to make a great move. Hi, everyone. Those were the first three minutes. So if you can spend the next five minutes reflecting on what you heard. I have a feeling everyone's listening to this. So it's okay to ignore me. I'm used to that. But as long as you're having the right conversation. So discuss on the case, give feedback, assumptions, needs. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today. Can I ask you a question? Did you just now, when you were presenting a slide, at the same time operate your phone to do something completely different? Oh, no, because you weren't like going on your phone. I'm like, what? How do you do that? Oh, I thought you were in telegram and doing. Oh, I was like, how do you do that? It was in the judgment. It was just like, I would have been completely distracted. But you just kept on talking. It was like, how did she operate? No, I can't do that. I'm not such a great multitasker. Well, you're a developer. Assigned cycles to this, assigned cycles to that. See, that is like kind of bucketization. No, that doesn't work. Because you, at least I'm not blessed with that capacity. I don't think anybody is. I think people claim they are. But I don't believe that. Because it is difficult. For that, you have to have an Einstein brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. And be able to separate. All right, everyone. Ready to wrap up. Yeah. Attention, attention, attention. Hello, hello, hello. I would stop and don't ignore her. I've tried. You will get the cold eye. So everyone, our favorite part, group reflection. What have we all learned? As anybody want to give some reflection on the conversation, when did you manage to identify a difference between needs or strategy? Do you have examples? Do you have anything you want to highlight to others? We have someone ready with the microphone. I've seen her run earlier today. She's really fast. There is all the way you can practice the running. It's all the way in the back. The gentleman over there in the back, it was raising his hand. Thank you so much. I'm Derek and in my group, I'm with. My name is. My name is. Yes. So, in our discussions, I think one of the. Most interesting things that kept coming along is that. In many cases, there are so many assumptions. And people usually do not cross to the other persons. If I use that. If there is an issue, I tend to assume what my colleague is going through. And they also tend to assume what I'm going through. And in the long run, we keep ourselves in that sky of assumptions. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I think that, and that is one of the things also, if we see someone else's strategy, we automatically assume their need. And that's why you need to communicate your needs rather than strategy, because strategy means there's all kinds of assumptions. If that person does that, I would do that in that case. So I'm assuming that you need the same thing rather be more explicit. Have other people have examples or learnings they want to share. Even the usual suspects is fine. People who want to volunteer. Did you, for example, find a good difference between what you saw as a strategy and then someone else pointed out to you. Yeah, but the real need was this. Did you manage to get into that part of the conversation? That's a tough crowd. The alternative is arch singing and you don't want that. Hello. So we talked about a situation where I think that people were coming from a good perspective and wanting to do something that is positive and having changed that's positive for the community for themselves or for a group of people. But then sort of through communication and through miscommunication of assumptions, that whole thing went awry. And I think that's the two cases that we were talking about were similar in that regard. That sometimes because we don't talk on the same level about the same things because we misunderstand each other and we don't clear it up. That's how sometimes a lot of frustrations come and then bad communication happens and sometimes happens in public and makes it a lot more difficult then to retract. That was one of the findings, I think. Cool. Thank you. The gentleman with the yellow key cord and then the woman behind her. Thank you. You are discussing about the strategy and the need. A situation where you are applying for the grants or funds on behalf of the rest. And then other people feel like you have not taken their expectations in consideration. So we came up with a solution that perhaps the strategy which was used to gather the information about the need was not effective. So we say that maybe the best way is to do maybe needs assessment so that you can actually get to know the needs and the priorities because you are like looking at it that sometimes the funds you get might not cater for those expectations. So maybe the tool you are going to use need to ensure that you put the priorities so that it can help you maybe even if the funds are not adequate, in future you can look at also other needs. So that's what we talked about, the strategies. Cool. Thank you. I think that is one of the things, for example with grant proposals we often confuse it to again, we have an outcome, we want to produce this and we call that that's what we need to do. Now that's not a need. There's a reason you want to achieve that. That reason might be you need to be recognized, you need to contribute, you need to do something meaningful, et cetera. And coming back to that in your project group before the proposal and thinking about that kind of aspect is also important because then you have to work together and maybe make compromises and think about funding if we have less funding or more funding what can we do while still being those needs. So again, communicating those and not confusing needs with for example deliverables or what you want to achieve is also very relevant there, thank you. And then the woman behind you I think had her hand raised. I'd like to just identify someone as the guy with the yellow board. So yeah, we had a case here where it turned out that the other party, I would say, wasn't able to tell what the needs are. So there was tried everything by my communication or by my conversation partner, but they couldn't say what they wanted. So they just were like, yeah, yeah, we will do it differently in the next time. And then they didn't. And then we forgot, okay, next time we will do it differently. And this is like going on and going on and going on. And I think when we talk about talking about one's needs, we also have to consider that it's also something that has to be learned. And that has a lot to do with self esteem and knowing and feeling yourself that you really are connected to yourself and really know what you need. Because I think it's also a kind of a society thing what's allowed what's not allowed. And I just also in our conversation told my my my conversation partner that for example, I know a lot of people who are like, oh, do we really have to talk about everything? Oh, you're so complicated. I'm not really not maybe for but I can't say for sure. But yeah, it's just like talking about something and a lot of people try to award to doing this. Yeah, that's. I think you're right. It's very important. I once had this, this person who was trying to help me through something. And he was like a two year old. Every time I gave an answer, he goes, why? I'm like, well, because I want to do this. But why? And it gets really annoying. And I don't think you should practice it a lot. But it does help the other person get to why are you taking part in this group? Why do you want to take part in this activity? Why do you feel you want to do this part? Why do you feel you want to be responsible for the funding? Or why do you feel, for example, why do you want to be responsible for the grant proposal? Oh, you feel the need to secure the fact that this is going to be a thorough proposal that you will get the grant. You don't feel secure. Other people can do it. But why is that? And it's annoying. But it helps the other person also maybe articulating go beyond strategies. All right. Thank you all so much. We're going to move on to the next part. This is once you've expressed your needs or you've communicated on their understood, there's also another interesting part which is a very, very, very interesting phenomenon within our movement and also within the communication general is request versus demand. Chinu, would you like to take us through this? Thank you. So considering all the scenarios what you just shared and what you saw in the case study, we certainly at times fail to understand how a good request is made and what turns out to be a demand in the other hand. So the basic difference can be found. For example, if I asked Nada for some kind of request that Nada, I need some kind of help. And will you be able to assist me in this? So I should be in a position where I am ready to respond it as no, no, I'm not available or I don't have the capacity. I don't have the expertise to entertain that. So that doesn't fall under my scope. So to understand that, I cannot, in a reciprocation, I cannot just say, thanks. Okay. So we should be in a state where we can be ready with any kind of response we can look to. In the same stage, we cannot be too much demanding that, hey Nada, I asked you for this, but you made it like a clear no. I'm not happy with this. You are expected to do this. So the conversation should not be going that direction to understand it better. We can see that how to communicate our needs. So it's always easy to ask for help. I learned in that last session from a staff that when you are in need, always pick up and ask for help. Do not just assume that I have a need. People will understand and somebody will come to help. That doesn't happen to understand this in a better. We can just go back to the earlier example. We just shared in the case study. So for example, if we go to that conversation, what Lola and he's had, if you remember someone, like to be exact Lola Lola had a sense of seniority. He had kind of he wanted the sense of belonging. Oh, sorry. So Lola was the one who tried to understand what is the sense of belonging that I have some kind of work and accomplishments that needs certain kind of recognition to my contribution. And it needs to be highlighted somewhere. And I want that support from my team, the team I'm part of. But in return, Lola also wanted to, sorry. In the other hand, Lola also wanted to run her campaign independently where Anis wanted to make sure that they could run it as a group. And considering that factor, it could have been depicted in a place where it would have been a simple request that, hey, can you please check on your timeline? Can we just move it a little bit so that we can do it in a group? You are doing a great work. We really acknowledge your accomplishments. But is that something we can go to the next step? You can be a campaign organizer to a big global campaign, not just regionally. So when we extend that kind of factors to people, that kind of helps us to understand what are the needs they are expecting for, and to make it a clear request. OK, this is the thing I'm anticipating to be cleared up from my side. And I'll try my level best to deliver on that. With that, we will flow to the next slide, which makes that what makes a good request. Before we start preparing ourselves to, OK, these are my needs. I am going to convey something to my colleagues, my user group or my affiliate or something. I know that can be helpful to me. How should we frame it? A good request should be always concrete and doable. You should not leave people always keep kissing. For example, if I'll say that, NADA, I need help on preparing my presentation. It should be concrete. I should not be like, hey, NADA, we are having a session. I need your help to do this. Do what? So it should be concrete. Then just when you are trying to deliver your needs, you're trying to seek for help, you should be always willing to say, this is what I want, but not what you will not want. So that differentiation should be always there. Plus, as I said in the initial conversation, always learn to say no and to hear no also. If somebody is saying that I'm not available, it's OK. I can manage or I'll find some other alternative. Being in the requesting and you say that, OK, I don't think I can make this happen in time or I can offer you the help which you are looking to. So learn to say no and in the receiving and be ready to hear no as well. So to understand what is the important distinction, like how we can identify the needs, like the demand and request. And in the other hand, when a request doesn't get fulfilled, what are the repercussions it can have? What are the long-term impact it can leave with us? If I am making an example to, sorry, I'm making a help request to somebody and he or she is not able to fulfill on that, that kind of leaves me with a request that, OK, I made some kind of request to this person, the person denied, so I cannot go back to the same person again if I am in need, which is not true always. Probably the other person had some other priorities or maybe some other things or he or she just didn't feel that that is right space to jump in and to collaborate. So to be more empathetic, more kind and to be concrete on your thoughts, that's one of the addition we can have. Plus, at times we have seen that certain kind of demands comes with a fear of failure, fear of guilt, out of certain kind of insecurities, out of some unpopularly popular syndromes we have seen over the years in the movement. So eventually we will have to accommodate all those things with certain kind of rewards in return. Maybe we can just sense what are the requirements the person is looking to? What are the understanding we can offer? Those will be helpful for us. Now I know that you had a question. Here. We do one quick clarification question. My question is you were talking about saying no and let us assume that both parties they know each other. You are another for example and she helped you sometime and now you have the difficulty to say no although you are convinced that you have to say no because you don't have time or you don't believe in what she's doing. So how to go in such a situation like kind of good practices to say no so nicely that you're still the best friends. You can just be open and honest about it that listen I have some priorities or I don't think that I'm the right person to help you out of this but I can offer you this help by connecting it to somebody because we have to understand that when a person asks that question there is an expectation that I'm going to help he or she is like no either they are okay with hearing that no but there is a sense of receiving the help as well so if we can do something then just do it or else just simply say no it saves a lot of time it make it doable or the other person can just find some other alternative so just let's not waste our time and spend our energy more on finding a way to say no so let's like look at the other possible solutions that we can offer be it like me, be it Neda, be it somebody else I think one of the, I have to move on but we'll do reflection thank you but I think one of the key things is I think this is probably one of the biggest issues we have in our movement crazily enough we have people not being able to ask a request rather than make it sound like a demand and there's people that also have a really hard time in making the difference to question to being asked them is this a request or it feels like a demand and this is one of the reasons