 The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike the day. Try every brand in this great land and you'll agree with me. The finest tasting cigarette is LSMFT. Yes, sirree, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Oh, we're heading for a picnic and we'll have a lot of fun with better tasting Lucky Strikes for each and every one. Honestly, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike the day. Friends, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. And here's the reason, fine tobacco and only fine tobacco always gives you the enjoyment of a better tasting cigarette. And LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Tobacco that smokes smooth and mild, that gives you better taste with every puff. Yes, Lucky Strike and Lucky Strike alone gives you an extra measure of smoking pleasure. So for everything you want in a cigarette, for complete smoking enjoyment, be happy, go lucky, make your next carton Lucky Strike. You will agree, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky, strike the day. Remember, Lucky's taste better than any other cigarette. Benny with Murray Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, our next Sunday, Jack Benny will be in New York doing another television show. And right now, he's home packing for the trip. Gee, this is my fourth trip to New York this season. I like to travel. No, Polly, you can't go with me this time. I wonder, I don't know where to live in New York. I wonder if I should stay at the Acme Plaza Hotel again. Yeah, I guess so. They're so considerate. They always give me a room with congenial people. Yeah, I guess I'll stay there. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. I hope you're packing enough clothes. You know, we'll be gone for 10 days. Oh, yes, I've packed enough for both of us. Your pinstripe suit, my herringbone suit, your blue suit, my brown suit, your gray suit, and my tweed suit. No, no, Rochester, it's my tweed suit. Remember, I won it back. You know, I beat you on that last poker hand. But remember, I had four aces. Oh, yeah, I only had three. You know, it's fun playing with all the red cards wild. Now, finish the packing and remember what I told you. Remember what I told you to put in a suitcase? Oh, boy. Rochester, I don't care what you say, I'm taking it with me. So put it in my suitcase. I want to wear it on my arrival in New York. Boss, if people want to throw ticket, they'll throw it. You don't have to wear that old army cap. Well, maybe you're right. Anyway, after you finish packing, go out and polish the car. Polish the car? Why? Why, because we're driving it to New York. That car? Rochester, there's nothing to handle. I'm driving my car to New York. And to keep the cost down, I put an ad in the paper for passengers to share expenses. In fact, I expect several people to drop in and see me. Well, I'm waiting. How come you have no comment on that? I never even fear with a plot line. Hey, maybe that's someone now. Come in. Oh, it's you, Dennis. Come on in. Thank you. Dennis, what have you got in that package? My pajamas. Can I sleep here tonight? Well, I don't see why not. Why don't you sleep at home? Oh, I don't like to be in a big house alone. Alone? Yeah, my parents did it again. Did what? Moved away and didn't tell me where. For heaven's sake, Dennis, what did you do wrong this time? Well, if I tell you, you'll only side in with them. Well, not necessarily, Dennis. What did you do? I got up early this morning and fed the goldfish. Well, why should your parents get mad at that? I fed them to our cat. Dennis, that's the most awful thing that I've ever... I knew you'd side in with them. Well, certainly, who could be on your side? The cat. Now, look, Dennis, if you want to stay here tonight, you can. But right now, leave me alone because I'm busy packing. Oh, all right. You going someplace? Yes, I'm going to New York. See, next Sunday, I'm doing my television show. Oh, who's going to be with you this time, Mr. Benny? Well, I'm going to have Rochester and Mary and Bob Crosby and another special guest. Who? Well, I'll give you a hint. He's one of the world's greatest golfers. Uh-huh. He won the U.S. Open, the PGA, and the Masters Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. Uh-huh. And they just made a picture about him at 20th Century Fox called Follow the Sun. Now, who is it? Ben Hogan. Hey. Hey, that's right, Dennis. And the name of the actor who played his part in the picture is Glenn Schwinn. No, no, Dennis. That's Glenn Ford. That's Glenn Ford. I know, but if you mention Schwinn, they send you a bicycle. Well, Dennis, I didn't think you'd stoop so low as to tell them to put a bell on mine, will you? What's the matter there, early? Something off of your script? Well, wait, Dennis. What song? What song are you going to do on the program today? Well, I'm going to sing a wonderful number. I just recorded for RCA Victor called Mr. in Mississippi. Well, let me hear it, Dennis, before you put your on your pajamas and go. Oh, hold it a minute, kid. OK. There's the phone. Hello? Long distance? Yes. Benny? The name is Benny. Well, you are, as a matter of fact, next Sunday. Here's your party. Oh. What are you doing in San Luis Obispo? Me and my band played at one of the dance halls up here last night. You did? How did things go? Well, that's what I'm calling about. How would you like to do a little bail bond business? Phil, you mean you and your boys are in jail? I ain't calling from no drug store. Health to all from city hall. What happened at the dance that you boys got in such trouble? Well, I get this call to come up here and play for the San Luis Obispo chapter of the Society for the Prevention of Cruel Data Soft Shell Crabs. I didn't know they had a chapter in San Luis Obispo. The main office is in Pizmo Beach. Anyway, we come to the hall. We set up our instruments and start playing for the dance. Everything goes long fine until about 10.30 when it's time for the walls contest. Suddenly, someone in the crowd yells out, hey, Aris, how about singing? That's what I like about the sound. Operator, you keep out of it. Boy, I start singing that little number that made me famous. That was at 10.30. Yeah, and at 1 o'clock in the morning with 20 courses to go, somebody dyed my hair with a ripe tomato. No. And before you could say spade, coolly, everybody started throwing things at us. Them soft shell crabs are murder. Well, you mean they threw soft shell crabs at you? No, the crabs were throwing them too. That must have been quite a rubble. You ain't kidding, Dad. Everybody was in there fighting but Frankie. Frankie Remling? Yeah, he just sitting there unconcerned until a Hubbard squash knocks the bottle out of his mouth. Gee. At this, he jumps up, runs around at the back of the hall and pulls the main light switch. But they could still see the bandstand and we're getting it from all directions. Well, Phil, how could they see the bandstand if the lights were off? My drummer's head glows in the dark. Oh, yes, you shouldn't have painted that moon on it. All right, all right. And then about 2 o'clock when the police came in, Phil, what? Hang up. Maybe you're right, Jackson. When you come here on, it just gets ridiculous. How about that bail money? I'll send it. I'll send it. Now, for 18 men at a monster... I know how much at a monster. This is the third time this year. Goodbye. Goodbye, Jackson. That Harris can get into more trouble than anybody I ever saw. Will you keep quiet so I can sing? Oh, yes, I'm sorry, Dennis. Go ahead. Mr. and Mississippi was on Mississippi River boat. My teacher was a gambler. The slickest one afloat. My teacher was a gambler. He taught me not to gamble. Restless river, tiny village. A house, a little... I'd be... Mr. and Mississippi, are you sending me a record of it? Well, you can buy one for 85 cents. Well, what's on the other side? Fuel train by Lily Pond. Shut up, will you, Dennis? I just can't shout anymore. You know what I mean? Dennis, sometimes you say the silly... Want me to get that box? No, no, I'll get it. Oh, hello, Don. Well, hello, Jack. Just came over to say goodbye and wish you good luck on your TV show. Oh, thanks, Don. Come on in. Say, Don, you know I have a wonderful idea for a commercial on my television show. I'm going to have the quartet come on, dressed up... Well, now, wait a minute, Jack. Wait a minute. The sportsman won't be able to be with you in New York. They won't. Why not? Well, they're opening at the Chicago Theater on May 18th. Oh, for heaven's sakes, Don. How can they do a thing like that to me? The season's not even over yet, and they have the nerve to go out and play a theater. But, Jack, you booked them. Yes. Well, Don, look at it. Then you'll have to do the commercial. Me? Yes. But, Jack, just standing up doing a commercial on TV isn't funny. I won't get any laughs. Well, maybe you're... Hey, wait a minute, Don. I just thought of a wonderful idea. Now, every announcer does his commercial standing up. Well, of course. How else can you do it? Well, just for a novelty. This'll be great on television. I'll have you lying on a shades lounge with a rose in your hair and a lucky strike in your mouth. And when you read the commercial, everybody'll scream. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Nobody's going to laugh at anything that corny, and I'm not going to do it. Don, it'll get laughs, believe me. Now, Don, let's try it. Now, make believe we have a shades lounge here. Now, lie down on the floor. Oh, Jack, this is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. Don, believe me, I know what I'm doing. It'll be terrific. Now, lie down on the floor. Oh, all right. But do it gently. We don't want to disturb the seismograph at Berkeley. Now, close to your face there. Now, go ahead, Don. Read the commercial. They'll love it. They'll scream. Well, okay. L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Yes, lucky strike means fine demand for it. There's never a rough puff in a lucky strike, and it tastes better than any other cigarette. Yes, folks, it's lucky strike. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Don, Don, talk louder. The radio waves aren't getting over your stomach. Lucky strike alone gives you an extra major of smoking pleasure. So for everything you want in a cigarette, for complete smoking enjoyment, be happy, go lucky. It wasn't that clever. And listen, Don, I've got a Lulu for the next television show. You're going to read the commercial while standing in quicksand. Of course, you may have to talk fast to finish it, or the last few lines will sound like Sheffield. Now, Don, if you'll excuse me, I've got to finish my packing. Oh, that's all right, Jack. I've got to run along anyway. It's Mother's Day, and I haven't got my mother present yet. Oh. See, I don't know what to buy her. Well, Don, I would suggest flowers or perfume, or maybe a box of fudge. A box of fudge? Hey, that sounds good. There you are, Don. Here, Jack. Thanks. See you along, Don. See you later. Goodbye, Jack. Rochester, put back the perfume and the flowers. He took the fudge. You know, that's really going good today, isn't it? That goes good every day. I wish we could get rid of some of these petunias. We will, we will. Now, let's see. I'll have to... Oh, Mr. Benny. Dennis, are you still here? Yeah, as long as I got my pajamas, I think I'll go upstairs and go to bed. All right, Dennis, you take the lower bunk. Yes, sir. Now, uh, let's see. Oh, if you haven't got bunks in your room, it's just a single bed. Well, he doesn't know the difference. He sleeps under it, you know? Now, come on, Rochester. Let's finish our... There's the doorbell. I'll get it. Oh. Oh, how do you do? How do you do? Are you the little old party who advertised for passengers to New York? Won't you come in? Oh, thank you. Have a seat, Miss, uh, Miss... I'm Miss Lee, Scarlett O'Hara Lee. Scarlett O'Hara... Oh, you must have been named after the heroine and gone with the wind. Yes. You see, my mother was crazy about going with the wind, and I was born while she was in the middle of it. Eating the book? No, watching the picture. Miss Lee, about the trip to New York... Excuse me, but y'all didn't tell me your name. Beanie. I mean Benny. I'm Jack Benny. Jack says something funny. Rochester, what are you doing? Getting back to the trip, but you see, I intend to leave for New York tomorrow. Well, that suits me just fine. Oh, by the way, Miss Lee, what are you going to New York for? Look for a job? Uh-huh, no. I don't need a job. I came into a lot of money when my uncle in Texas passed away. Oh, was your uncle in Texas rich? No, but when they were digging his grave, they struck oil. What a way to go. Chatanooga, Tennessee? Why? Well, that's my hometown. And next week, they're holding their annual fritter-fry-cone-pone-chitlin' the Homney Parson Bake Festival. Yeah, I wish Phil Harris were here to interpret that for me. All I understood was and and festival. Well, I'm very sorry, Miss Lee, but that's a little too far out of the way. You see, we're going to Salt Lake City, Cheyenne, Omaha, and Chicago. Wouldn't you like to go the northern route? If you weren't so cute, I'd slap your face. You're cute, too. Sorry, Mr. Benny, but I... Well, I'm sorry, too. Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Miss Lee. Goodbye. Goodbye. Gee, I'm sorry she's not making the trip with us. You were giving me someone to play gin rummy with. Well, I better finish my... Well, Mr. Benny... Dennis, I thought you went to bed. I did, but I was tossing and turning. I can't fall asleep. Why not? You forgot to kiss me goodnight. Back under the bed! Yes, sir. Rochester, when he goes in the room, lock the door so he won't... I'll get it. Yes? How do you do? Are you the party that advertised about a trip to New York? Yes, yes, I am. Oh, well, I'm Mr. Parsons, and this is my wife. How do you do? Well, come right in, and oh, what a cute little baby. Is it a boy or a girl? A boy. Yeah, I thought so. It looks like it from here. Now, sit down, Mrs. Parsons. You must be tired carrying the baby. Thank you very much. Hello, baby. I'll kiss you, kiss you, kiss you. His eyes are just like mine, aren't they? Are your eyes blue? Bluer than the right shoulder of a left-handed ice man. Now, Mr. Parsons, do you and your wife... Oh, silly me. I forgot to introduce myself. Oh, I know you. You're Jack Benny. I used to see you every Sunday afternoon. You did? Oh, are you in radio? Yes, I'm at Janitor at NBC. Well, how come you're going to New York? CBS bought me. Could we take a look at your car and see if there'd be room for the baby? Well, of course, certainly. It's right out in the driveway there. Right this way, folks. They're driving to New York? Yes, and if you'd like, I'll give you a demonstration. Oh, Rochester! Yes, boss! I want to take these people for a drive. Coming! Now, come on, folks. Jump in. We'll have to. There's no door. It's around on the other side. Come on. Now, go ahead, Rochester. Start the car. Yes, sir. Clugs this morning. I'm not on... Toward Sunset Boulevard. Wait a minute, Mr. Benny. Before you start, I'd like to change places with my wife. Why? I'm afraid she's uncomfortable. And I think I have the softer orange crate. See how nice she runs? The way she takes the bumps? Isn't it nice with the top down? Yes, it is. John! John! That's mine. It blew off. Drive so fast, Rochester. I'll take it a little easier. What was that? Our tail light just fell off. That's all it was. I guess it wasn't on very tight. Well, you see, those are things that we can easily... I'm sick. Aren't you going to stop and pick them up? No! These people are interested in taking the trip with me to New York. Mr. Benny, I don't think we'll be interested in making the trip in this car. Just a minute, Mr. Parsons. You shouldn't back out just because a few minor things went wrong. That could happen to any car. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't risk going another block in this old junk. Old junk? Look, it's not brand new, but they don't make cars like this anymore. Mr. Benny, I'm a janitor and I've swept up better things than this. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Now look, Mr. Parsons. Mr. Benny, I don't want to argue about it. Come on, honey. We'll take the bus. Yes, dear. Some people can never be satisfied. You're right, boss. You'd think that at least give the car a fair trial. A fair trial? Yeah, we... Now let's push it back into the garage. Some golfers like a seven iron and others like a three. But most of them pick lucky strike because LSMFT. Try a pack today because luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Make a smoking joy complete when buying cigarettes. You see, luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy. Friends, when you smoke, you want real enjoyment. And that's exactly why you should switch to lucky strike because luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Yes, every lucky always gives you mildness, smoothness, far better taste than any other cigarette you've ever smoked. And here's why. Fine tobacco and only fine tobacco always gives you the enjoyment of a better tasting cigarette. And LSMFT, lucky strike means fine tobacco. So for complete smoking enjoyment, be happy. Go lucky. Make your next carton lucky strike. You'll find luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Be happy. Go lucky. Go lucky strike today. Remember, luckies taste better than any other cigarette. Happy Mother's Day and good night, folks. Let's be a broadcaster, folks.