 Have you ever wondered how a man knows that a woman is the one the one the one the one the one? Well, when I think of the one I think of being in love So when does a guy know that he's in love? When does he know that this person he's with is the one he actually wants to make a Significant investment in that he wants to spend time with her and maybe consider a long-term relationship. Is it on the first date? Is it on the third date? Is it in the first three months? Is it a year? Does it even happen can men actually fall in love as I know a lot of women that don't believe that? Well, I think this is a really tricky question because The reality is is most human beings are rather dysfunctional in their emotional maturity and relationship skills Let me say that most human beings and when I say human beings I mean men and women alike Okay There's this fallacy that men are the emotionally unavailable ones The emotionally Constipated ones and the ones who are unable to actually commit a relationship and while that might be true in many cases I can tell you women have just as many fears just as many Dysfunctionalities that make them less inclined to be in a relationship Well, let me just say in a healthy happy relationship because the reality is is dysfunctional people are in Relationships every day today So what's the difference between the emotionally healthy person and the one who is like I said Constipated emotionally unavailable weak relationship skills Well, they've actually probably done some personal development work to heal childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life and And and what I why is this so important because the reality is is we've all had some wounds in our childhood or wounds in our adulthood especially for those in midlife because you know the Demographic I speak to as midlife which is after baby making years and before retirement And the reality is is most people at this age bracket the 45 and up crowd We're talking about a divorced population Roughly 75% of people over 45 or a single actively dating or divorced and by the way Do you realize that you know first marriage is in divorce 50% of the time second marriages and 65% of time and third marriages and about 75% of the time. So what does that say about people? Why can't they stay together? Because gosh if you thought you met the one if you really thought you met the one that is the person that you Would spend a significant time in It's because sadly humans are rather Unconscious to two critical components to understand about love and that is really love attachment style and Also the Amago the Amago so I want to talk about two books for a moment One is the book attached by a mirror Levine and Rachel Heller love attachment style Basically, I'm going to give you the cliff note version the way I view it Is somewhere between the ages of baby to two to seven or twelve We adopt an attachment style. That's either one of three types. It's anxious Avoidant or secure or repeat that anxious avoidance secure now within anxious There's different variations of anxious and with avoidance. There's different variations of avoidance and Secure simply means that they trust love they trust what they're in is healthy The reality is is most men and women are either anxious or avoidant and while the book says 50% are secure. I think that's a by the way I'm recommending this book so you understand it But I think the idea that 50% of people are secure as a crock of shit I actually believe that we all have a default of either anxious or avoidant So why is this so important to understand because a lot of time when a man thinks? She's the one it's because he's experiencing love attachment style love attachment style Now the other thing I shared with you before is something called the Amago the Amago and if you haven't read the book by a Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt called getting the love you want I highly recommend reading this book and the Amago is all on page Oh, let me just go the back of the book to find it the Amago starts on page 33 42 68 153 156 so forth and so on and the idea of the Amago is that we often times choose people like one or both of our parents because we have a Unresolved wound with our parent and so we choose someone like one of both of our parents in relationship And have you you've seen this before I've seen this with men who have daddy issues They have issues with daddy so they oftentimes choose older men I'm just using one example or men that have mommy issues choose Controlling domineering women in many cases and they don't understand they believe that this is love That's the real critical thing to understand here is this this attachment to this human being you've just met Which is actually the Amago means Image or what we're really looking at is an image of what we grew up with and on a subconscious level We're trying to heal the childhood wounds and traumas from that Wounding that happened in childhood. So when we think about the one Oftentimes we're either experiencing love attachment or we're experiencing the Amago and it's not genuine love The other thing that happens in the early stage of dating is lust and limerence Which is basically limerence is extreme infatuation and lust is just I want to fuck your brains out Men tend to experience lust more so than women but women also experience it on a first second or third date And this is why when the minute You have sex way too soon from a woman's perspective You can bond to a man because chemicals also are released from your brain like oxytocin As well as estrogen testosterone and all those Dopamine that's released that makes us think we're in love. In fact, this is what happened with men when they're on the prowl When they're on the chase You know, you all have heard how men love the chase, right? But what are we chasing is it I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in relationship I'm going to chase the relationship or are they on the hunt for sex with their bow and arrow and they're going to capture their prey Oftentimes that's what we're on the hunt for. It's not a fully committed relationship And and it oftentimes I'm repeating myself with the word oftentimes But I have to say this because I don't want to make anything sound like an absolute But there are many cases where the minute a man ejaculates All those chemicals of that lust and limerence disappear And one of the reasons why men bolt so quickly is because they realize they're not you're not the one. They're not in love with you So how can you determine if a guy actually values you outside of love attachment style outside of the amago outside of lust or limerence Well, that's what I want to lean into in a few minutes And I want to share with you a story Because this is kind of near and dear to my heart because even when a man makes all this effort That i'm about to share it could still not be the one and sadly Several months ago my son who my oldest son Had ended a relationship with a woman. He'd been dating for about six seven months And he made they developed a really good friendship. I met her she met my ex-wife He met her family. They did lots of activities together. He spent time with his friends. He really liked this person But for some reason He wasn't experiencing that feeling of love He wasn't experienced that feeling of love and as much as he kept trying Because he knows that this person is a really good human being in fact We're just speaking today how he misses this person. He genuinely misses her. But for some reason He wasn't feeling love now my suspicion is is because we've been so adopted to the love attachment style or the amago That he hasn't experienced, you know, he probably Has let go a really great woman because I met her. I think she's a really great woman, but he's probably hasn't Developed enough experience with himself to demonstrate to recognize the difference because he's never had a really bad relationship in his life Well, technically his college girlfriend was a little bit bad But and I feel for him and why i'm sharing this with you is sometimes we can make a ton of investment And it's still not be right. This is a crapshoot the dating mating and relating game This is why i'm such a big proponent of doing the inner work Before you actually put yourself out there in the dating realm. This is why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work all the books I recommend are listed below That's one of the reasons why I have a coaching practice to help you ask the right questions In the very early stages based on your personality Because your personality is different from one woman to the next the next so based on your personality and your Needs of compatibility. I helped you determine By crafting the right questions to ask men in the dating process And if you need help with that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is Right for you So what are the ways men show you there the one? And again, this is not a guarantee But this is just to give you some examples because you might recognize that you're in a relationship where this isn't happening And certainly when men are doing this you have a greater chance for relationship success So i'm going to put on my trusty glasses. We're going to put up our notes bump bump bump And the first thing is he makes effort to spend time with you that's a great sign I can't you know, it amazes me how many women I talk to are in a relationship for six months And the guy sees you once every other week But jonathan weren't a long-distance relationship, but jonathan this but jonathan that no To build the roots to deep trust and trust isn't just fidelity trust means Can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as my own feelings? That's really what trust is And it's difficult to build that trust over the telephone You guys spend more time on your smartphones than you are face to face And let me tell you in the beginning stage of dating it takes about 100 hours of face to face time And by the way, that's that's only eight hours in any given shot. Okay, and you can't count weekends separate eight separate Time together it's going to take at least 100 hours and why i'm saying that is most men who are in the short run Most dysfunctional men disappear in the short run This is why i'm such a big proponent ladies I want you to read my coffee mug that was made for me specially. This is me. This is the friend who made it for me This is my book. But what it says right here now ladies What do I always tell you before the penis goes inside the vagina by two copies of the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman this book And begin reading chapter one about commitment before you really invest in someone that you barely know because these days We're meeting total strangers Get this you're most the time meeting total strangers And if you're not familiar with the book talking to strangers by malcolm glad well I highly recommend reading this But jonathan all you do is tell me to read books and i don't have time to read books Folks if you don't have time to read to learn this shit. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results That's what it is I'm encouraging you to dig a little bit deeper than the surface because many of you are operating from the fantasy Way of relationships works and if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg. This is handmade Most of you focus on what's above the water line, which is attraction and chemistry But what's more important is compatibility shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and emotional maturity is actions matching words Victor consciousness not victim consciousness and here in the united states We are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. Everybody's a fucking victim Most everybody excuse me Learning how to fight fair emotional maturity Empathy empathy doesn't mean I have I can feel your feelings empathy means I care about your feelings But I all and more importantly I care about my own feelings And lastly transparency and what that means if it's material to the relationship. We speak up to one another But I can tell you ladies you oftentimes don't speak up because you're afraid to lose a guy Well, that's only that's only shoving it under the rug And you'll spend months and months if not years with the wrong person because you don't speak up because you're afraid to lose the wrong guy And I'm only yelling to shake you up So a man Who genuinely sees you as the one he makes effort to see you on a consistent basis I think that's pretty obvious But it seems like a lot of you are fucking clueless to this by the way I do use expletives to enhance the sentence. So please forgive me for all those people that get bent out of shape because I curse I'm so sorry that this is so offensive words words words. They're just simply words They're really just sentence enhancers and look at I'm not here to suggest my advice is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself I'm just a contrarian my advice is contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations Talk about the rant I had about who pays for a date the other day all right number two He introduces you into his life his family his friends his co-workers associates Essential people in his life a man who genuinely is starting to think you're the one will do this Now as I said earlier, this is not a guarantee But it's certainly a good start So if you haven't met his family and friends and you've been together for three years You might have a problem And you laugh you some of you are laughing I'm like I get calls like this all the time I can't believe I can't begin to tell you the calls I get from women who literally Their their level of standards is so low and their boundaries are almost non-existent And I love the way brené brown talks about boundaries. What's okay, and what's not okay for me By the way, thank you justin for the ten dollar super sticker. I really appreciate that Here I got to put this on the board just to say thank you. I appreciate that By the way, you can purchase a super. Thanks if you're watching the replay right now So so coming back to He introduces you to family and friends number three He wants to hear how you feel. He genuinely wants to talk about your feelings. That's a great sign That he sees you as someone special that he sees you beyond the surface Most men and women date at a surface level because you're so I mean We're so indoctrinated In superficial things Ladies if you haven't heard about hypergamy Google it right now because oftentimes women are seeking men far superior than them Men are trying to find that younger model type We're in a dysfunctional way of dating because very few people date from a heart centered space And yet many of you think you do But I invite you to read the book If the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated This throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says how can we connect at a heart centered level? Instead of the superficial level most people are dating today He wants to feel he wants to hear how you feel. He's considered of your feelings. He doesn't stonewall you When you express your feelings. He doesn't try to avoid it Usually those men are avoidant or fearful avoidants. You can read about it in the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller folks Most humans are rather clueless to the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship and I speak for myself as well I got to be candid with you. I didn't know any of this shit until I studied it And I got to tell you, you know, I've got married Really no clue what I was doing I was following the programming just like my mom and this is a picture of my mom and dad When they were in their 20s. I was following the programming go to college You know Graduate college get a job meet a girl get married buy a house start a family. I was following the programming Most everybody in the baby boom gen X generation. That's what we are programmed to do I Was clueless it took me a listen. I've only recently been working on this stuff to understand it Maybe the last 10 or listen. I've been a dating coach now going on 13 years But even in the beginning I was just giving basic advice teaching women how to improve their online dating profiles I didn't really start studying this stuff Until I did the Hoffman process insight seminars just to name a few reading all these books And by the way, I'm still messed up. I still got issues folks. I'm not perfect I just happen to be a communicator It's easy for me to communicate. Well, that's not true Because I had an issue with a friend the other day a female friend and I had a very hard time Articulating my feelings because feelings aren't fluid feelings can feelings can be so confusing It's sometimes hard to put in words what you're feeling because there's mixed feelings going on This is why I'm here to say Stop thinking of relationships in the naive way stop thinking of it in the the disney way the notebook way the wedding crashers way I was watching a cute video on red wedding crashers And start doing the work because then you'll be able to attract a man Who's more likely to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship with you because the next most important thing a man can do Is he knows that he knows you're the one he apologizes if there's a misunderstanding or conflict He doesn't get defensive. He actually has that ability to pause and regulate his feelings You know, it's interesting when john glenn orbited the earth The first man to orbit the earth, I believe Or was the russian now? I think it was john glenn the russian was the first people or first Humans in space but john glenn orbited the earth and they said his heartbeat never got above 100 Beats a minute talk about this you're being shot up in a cannon or a rocket and his heartbeat never went up above 100 That's actually because he knew how to regulate his emotions And yet most of us fucking are get triggered at every little thing and nowadays it's cancel culture getting triggered triggered triggered triggered triggered How about learning how to manage our emotions? Instead of blaming others in fact like I said before we're in victim consciousness where we're pointing the finger at others But we're not looking at the three fingers pointing back at us So when a man apologizes for misunderstandings, that's a great sign He's a grown-up and sees you as the one and lastly he progresses the relationship forward meaning you're not feeling doubt You know almost everybody I've spoken to are in healthy happy relationships Every single woman I work with Or a friends with I have lots of female friends who are in great marriages or relationships And they all say the same they never felt doubt with their guy if you're feeling doubt That means something needs to be worked on in the relationship And what that means is you might want to read these books together to determine if you're actually a fit for one another Is this sinking in with you? Is it resonating? Please let me know say it's resonating with me in the comments hit the like button share this with your friends Check out the links below So I know this is resonating with you and I guess Ann agrees because she just purchased the 20 dollar super sticker Thank you so much and I appreciate that all right I think this is a good time to start our Q&A Those who know my format write the word question then post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker super chat If you're watching the replay you can purchase the super. Thanks All the monies from the super sticker super. Thanks and the super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley, that's my son right there. He's the one who passed away Fuck it's coming up on four years now. I can't believe it And in his honor I started a scholarship fund in his name to To donate to causes like the Hoffman process insight seminars just to name a few All right, looks like we just got a super sticker with a question in it. So let's read what we have here. Yay Thank you. No BS for the 1999 I had one I had the one for whom I was the one He was an angel my husband. He passed away last year But my point but my point is I agree with your message One can find a partner who cares and embodies the qualities you're talking about Exactly. This isn't completely out of the question People are falling in love all the time. Now the reality is I will agree It's a very dysfunctional dating world out there. By the way, if you haven't seen my three types of people actively dating I'm going to talk about this for a few minutes. There's the use the users The spenders and the grower builders now the users are those they seek short term Gain they're the love bombers the players now the gold diggers and title women They do go for the long term, but their short term gain is a guy's money Or basically being treated on dates and such Now the spenders they seek connection companionship coupling and and or sex, but they have no direction uncertainty or they're fearful Usually have dysfunctional life Ladies a lot of you are fearful. This is why you want connection, but you just you're afraid to actually You're afraid to speak up in relationship Which makes you just as dysfunctional as them and the growers and the builders they seek long term committed commitment their emotional grown-ups They have good relationship skills and they have their act together So I said the population in here is 20 60 and 20 Now even those people that are spenders if they're moving towards a grower you have a chance with those men or women But it requires doing a really good job vetting them This is why I'm such a big proponent. Like I said before the penis goes inside the vagina. Read the book eight dates together All right, let's keep going Uh Carolyn says trauma bonding Yeah, we have a lot of people by the way if you have a question write the word question post the question there after Or purchase a super stick or super chat. Don't forget to write. So I know it's a question Coming back to trauma bonding. Yes. Men and women alike are attaching themselves to other people because they're in a trauma bond I'm going to tell you a book that changed my life It's called the untethered soul by michael singer the un this is my bible this Totally changed my life to help me understand to talk to the voices in my head You know, it's interesting. I was just thinking about my ex-wife earlier today talking about the one And when we got married I was following that programming go to go to college get a job Me to grow get married by a house start a family and she was following that programming as well But our relationship was just wasn't it was probably weak from the get go Because I was a baby. She was a baby. I was unconscious to being a good husband I had my fault. She had her fault But something she told me at therapy the day, you know, when we were getting a divorce. She said I never had chemistry for you That hurt Because she was following her programming and I was following my programming. Well, I'm grateful We we have two beautiful children one in heaven and one who lives right up the street from me I'm grateful because We didn't you know, I'm grateful for a lot of reasons But most importantly it made me understand the importance of really choosing a partner Who has really got your back who's a real teammate and more importantly the c word the c word and that is communication Because if you can't communicate with your partner like your really best friends the chances of it working long term are very slim anyway I share that publicly um And you know to some degree, I don't know if I had chemistry with her either even though she said, you know, we we again I think we got married because that's what we were supposed to do And I'm that's why I'm grateful when I shared the story about my son Who said you know what I realize after six months. She's not the one I need to let her go for her sake as much as my own A lot of times we don't do that because we're experiencing love attachment amago and this is a invitation to actually Really dig deep because sometimes you have to let a good relationship go to be able to attract the right relationship Anyway, that's my two cents and I'm sticking to it. All right. I saw a question come in paradigm shift rights question After a second date he canceled for the third date. I told him no worries. I also mentioned some of the books you recommended What do I do or say to see if he's worth going forward with? So we're going to start with the second date What do I do or say to see if he's worth going forward with? So when you say he canceled the third date, did he mean he didn't want to reschedule a third date or he does not want to date you I mean, here's the simple thing ask him out say hey, you know, uh text him right now It's wednesday night text him and say hey, what are you free thursday? I'd love to take you out for a drink Oh my god, jonathan, that's her being in her masculine energy And if she's in her masculine energy, he won't claim her because she has to sit in her feminine energy Fucking humans. Let's stop this bullshit rhetoric about masculine and feminine and just be grown-ups A grown-up thing to do is say hey, I like you. Can I take you out for a drink? I'm not yelling at you paradigm shift. I'm loving I'm yelling at all the stupidity. I often hear You know what? I love the book why men love bitches Because bitch stands for babe in total control of herself es Babe in total control of herself es This is an empowerment book a bitch says i'm gonna go after what I want But i'm also not going to settle for less Than what I than what we both deserve for each other Not what I deserve what we both deserve for each other So here's what I suggest you do text him while we're doing this See if he's available thursday night or friday night you want to take him out and drink And let's hear what he says back and tell us in the comments. Okay Purchase the super sticker so I can see it paradigm shift. Thank you so much Yes, kimberley, I heard those words All right, jennifer writes question I dated a man who showed I dated a man who showed avoidant attachment style I broke it off. He's back. He says he'll he will never Be over He says he will never be over He had he has he woken up or is he cray-cray? well He's experiencing love attachment style or amago with you. He's experiencing some sort of love attachment style or amago with you But what was the reason for the breakup? Why did he end the relationship? How long were the two of you dating? Did you have regular sex together? Did you meet family and friends? Was he progressing the relationship forward? Did you guys have good communication skills? That's more important than why he's coming back Is this because listen if you don't want him back, then it doesn't matter If he's crazy or not human listen ladies, you're just as fucked up as men. So let's let's just get it Let's you're no picnic either. Okay men are cray-cray women are cray-cray Let's stop focusing on them and let's focus on What do I want? What do I want? I want to be in a juicy delicious happy relationship where we have mutual chemistry with one another and we have the capacity to communicate with each other And we can banter all night long because we have great communication skills with each other and we can blend our lives together And we share the same values that allow us to go into deeper intimacy with one another And we have the emotional maturity to build the deep roots of trust And that I invite into my life Ah All right, just a little prayer All right, do we have any other questions? Aaron happy go lucky says agreed. I also read why men why men marry bitches both a good read I should have purchased that as well All right. What other questions do we have? Um Bump bump bump. Oh, it looks like we have a bashful group tonight if we don't have any questions We're going to wrap up early. Also, you can ask me personal questions if oh by the way, so I'm going to Chicago I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I'll be out of town for a few days. I'm officiating a wedding I'm officiating a wedding. I am nervous as heck, but I'm excited as well. It's a young couple He's 36 a very dear friend of mine. He's also a relationship coach for men Or he's a relationship coach for men. She's this beautiful Woman who I'm so happy for megan and max and I'm excited to officiate their wedding So I'll be on a plane to chicago for the weekend All right Again, if you have a personal question of me, write the word personal question post the question there after purchase a super sticker Super chat or write the word question. It looks like allison has a question for us question I've been in a great relationship for four months. We have involved we have involved kids But when should I start reading the books about how to how to work towards blending? I feel like it might take some time to learn Well, you don't have to start blending your lives together. It's more important. Can you blend your lives together? This is why reading the book 8 plus and if his penis is inside your vagina, you have every right to talk about this book together Purchase this book and talk about the chapters in this book. This is the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship That's my invitation for you Good luck with that. I hope it works out. You don't have to talk about blending lives together Just simply talk about the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship All right T davis says thank you for sharing this you're saying exactly what I talk about since I became awakened and aware I feel so understood and listen listening to this way to go t davis Julia says Can cheating on a guy ever be a good thing? Can cheating ever be a good thing? I think When you make a commitment to be monogamous and exclusive and you break that commitment You've actually broken one of the four agreements if you're not familiar with which is about integrity You're not familiar with the four agreements Be impeccable with your word always do your best Uh never believe people's projections of you and never make assumptions So I would never assume that dating cheating is a good thing Um and by the way if it ever was it's because it's with another Cheating is a dysfunctional thing and it's only going to benefit. It's it's going to temporarily Maybe make somebody else dysfunctional jealous, but believe me that's going to be a nightmare relationship in the long run So I don't I don't concur All right, hope that helps. Thank you All right, let's go swimming Sherry fritz says Question I'm dating a guy for a month and we think we're in love. Am I crazy? So to me love Is being there for you when your partner Is going through chemotherapy and you wipe the vomit from their face that to me is love Love means I'm here You matter We are important I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. I'm here. That means I'm present not in the future not in the past You matter that means your feelings matter to me as much as my feelings matter to me We are important. That means our relationship is a separate entity and we treat it as such I've got your back Meaning if you're in going through chemotherapy, I'm going to be there for you I'm not going anywhere meaning I'm rooted in this relationship and I only want you means I only want to fuck your brains out I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you if you can actually be in that space Then you might be in love Or at least in lust and limerence But recognize that trust takes time to build See it's it's not about love. It's really about trust You know the tinder swindler made women trust him He professed his love even before he met these women and they gave them millions and millions of dollars Dozens and dozens of women If hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars is that love? I think it's more about trust than it is about love All right, thank you Vaso says long distance relationship. What if he stops texting but here and there What about it long distance? It sucks anyway Aaron happy go lucky says read or read allison armstrong's books and audiobooks to learn deal making for blending your lives together Listen Probably a little too soon to blend your lives together. Now. Let me just understand Having lives blendable and blending lives together when I think of blending lives is when you move in together Start commingling things together now. That doesn't mean you know with your children. You can start that within four months six months But i'm talking about really blending your lives together. I just want to correct what I said earlier to um to um Forgot who said it now Allison so I just want to clarify that All right, and thank you allison armstrong is fantastic. Uh, she's a sweet friend of mine All right, let's see what we got here Kimberley's in the house. Let's see what she says What are you looking forward to most about your visit here in chicago weather is great Well, I heard it's supposed to rain on the day of the wedding or thunderstorms um You know what I look forward to most first off I'm just grateful to get the fuck out of dodge. You know, I've been cooped up for covid I got first class tickets, you know um My ride bailed on me to take me uh from the uh airport though Uh to the hotel so I just have to take an uber But i'm just excited to stay in a five star hotel, you know, rented a suite And i'm excited to be connecting with the couple I care about and just Officiating the wedding. This will be fun a new experience trying new things You know, that's what this is about, you know facing our fears and trying new things So i'm just grateful to be able to do some old things and new things alike. So kimberley. Thank you so much for that I appreciate it All right, let's keep going jennifer says question I've been dating an actor since february and we only had one face-to-face call And he won't do any more with me because it's against the management rule. Should I be worried? I don't understand what you mean by face-to-face call You mean you've only had one face-to-face date A little confusing. Um, I don't understand the management rules. That seems a little sketchy with me Um, we have great. I don't know what I'm assuming you have great something So I I don't know how to answer your question. It's a little big All right, let's keep going Uh Question as a dad and highly informed advisor about relationships Wait as a dad a highly informed advisor about relationship. What advice did you give to your son? I'm so glad your son was lucky enough to trust his gut and listen to you So coming back to what I shared earlier. My son was in a six-month relationship. He Cared for this person, but he wasn't in love with her and that was hard my advice to him Was to not beat yourself up To recognize you did the best you could you were integrity the whole time And you were in you were in integrity when you ended the relationship And I said life is a journey. It's a roller coaster. There are going to be many ups and downs There's no guarantees that it's going to be perfect sailing But this is a learning experience for you And I said you weren't ready for a serious relationship anyway because you're still kind of making your way in the world right now And so this is a good time to focus on what you're doing Because he has some aspirations that require a lot of dedication and a relationship may not be the right thing for him right now He was 25. She was 22, you know, he needs they both need life experience At least that's my my was my suggestion to him and thankfully we have a good relationship when we talked about But that's the few things that came off the top of my mind Uh, because I can't remember exactly what I said to him when we spoke All right Allison comes back Jonathan just to follow up with my question. We live one street away So we're spending a ton of time together but not moving in yet. Just really want to do things the right way for everyone Read the book eight dates. Read the book. Uh, read this book seven Just just to get an idea seven principles for making marriage work by John Gottman read these books to understand Read the book how to be an adult in relationship read the book, um read this book Nonviolent communication by marshal Rosenberg link below to get all the books. I recommend read these books Then you'll know what the right thing to do after you've studied. You have to go to school folks and study All right, Allison. Good luck. Keep us posted in future live streams Cheryl says I love the four agreements way to go Terry says which is more important can chemistry or compatibility. I lean towards compatibility I feel chemistry can build over time so Hold on everyone Let me Let me share something this will take a second to draw So, um I'm gonna draw a box Okay, chemistry um Chemistry shared values Blendable lifestyles emotional maturity. Okay. I didn't write this out because I'm a terrible speller Okay, so everyone I want you to look at this. This is a square. It looks like a rectangle, but it's a square At top is chemistry Over here is shared values. That's a v not a u bl blendable lifestyle not bc and then em emotional maturity They are equal to each other. They are equal to each other chemistry Here listen Attraction can be built over time But just like my ex-wife thought remember I shared she said I didn't have chemistry with you just like my son shared He wasn't feeling it with her. It's a it's a it's a roll of the dice Because oftentimes it's there right from the get-go really bringing it back I think most men will tell you that they knew very early on when someone was special in their life That they wanted to commit to something deeper and that's usually that A little bit of chemistry in there is mixed in as well. This is a real this is tough shit Okay So if you don't feel attraction for him, then it's not fair to him My ex-wife did that to me and it wasn't fair to me I think it's important to feel strong attraction for your partner Otherwise you just have a roommate and if you need a roommate to take care of bills then have a roommate to take care of bills But that's not what I'm here to promote. I'm here to promote juicy delicious healthy happy relationships And I hope this is helping Allison I want to thank you for the ten dollar super sticker. I really appreciate it. Oh, there you are Thank you so much. Wow. We're getting lots of super stickers super chats. I want to thank you all so much All right, let's see what else we have here Um, Bonnie says how long should I put up with someone when trying to help them? 500 years. I mean really I mean come on Really, I mean I could say one minute or I could say, you know 15 years You got to make these choices for yourself folks And I don't even like that you say put up with if you have to put up with someone Then it's probably not the right relationship for you or you're not the right relationship for them Nobody should ever have to put up with someone. That's not fun The reason why I recommend reading all these books is because here's what's going to happen when you do this work You will become a magnetic attractor for who you are and what you want and you won't settle for putting up with ships I'm sorry, Bonnie. I just get triggered. I get triggered I Get frustrated when I read comments like that All right, enough brow beating. Can I give you a big gigantic shot than bear hug Bonnie? Thanks for letting me rant on you Sandra says Jonathan your son's girlfriend that he's no longer with how old is how is she? I mean the last he spoke with her she they both cried, but I'm sure she's doing fine You know, he didn't do any he was in absolute integrity throughout the entire relationship He was in absolute integrity with her. He never said the words. I love you even though it was six months He struggled with his emotions for about two months because he just wasn't feeling it But he did you know, here was the hard part about this I think they did get they were actually together five months and he realized three months in I'm not feeling love for her But he was confused because he was because love is a confusing feeling emotion Sometimes it's hard to understand when you have deep care for someone, but there isn't something You know a little bit more magical. This is a tricky thing This is why very few people actually ever experience juicy, delicious, healthy happy relationships But if we start from a foundation of emotional maturity, we have a greater chance for relationship success For relationship success and that's what I encourage for everyone So, um, but that I think she's doing fine Okay I did not see your question Let's see garner. Let's see. You said you skipped over question. I didn't see it. I didn't see it I didn't see it. Sorry I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking. Oh, there you are. Okay question Found it question. Is it ever healthy to turn a rebound relationship in the one relationship? We're reading eight dates. We're on date two Is it ever healthy? Well, it's always healthy listen If you're doing something healthy, that's healthy If you're saying a really rebound relationship will it work Roll of the dice You can't but you know, if you're working on these Listen ladies I would encourage all of you to start doing couples counseling together with any man you're dating And you should do my dating vows my dating vows. I want to read the dating vows and this will wrap up with this It's been said that women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment So in the early stages of dating you recite these vows to each other just like a wedding vow and the vows go like this I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three To six months. You're both saying this I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree to not actively seek to meet or date others while we're in this dating process Which includes taking down my dating profile I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And lastly, I agree to invest regular time in this process of getting to know you Which looks like spending three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life Leading to either moving in together or getting married. That's what I agree to 90% of men will bail they'll bail But you only lost the wrong guy If he's not willing to make some level of commitment towards you because if his penis gets to go inside your vagina You have every right to ask for some level of commitment And this and this is a minimum level of commitment. This is the bare minimum All right Janine I want to thank you for the ten dollar super sticker She says I've been following your advice about not leaning back and just being authentic It has been working well with someone I'm newly dating way to go Janine Janine way to go All right, this is gonna be our last one for the day question. Hi, Jonathan. I met a great guy He's very healthy for me, but he's not ready to introduce me to his children yet I won't pressure him. But how long do you think we should wait? I think depending on the age of the children if we're talking about children under 15 years old I think dating between the four to six month mark might be the safe bet Somewhere in that range I think you need to have established commitment with one another and a desire to explore something long term So before you do it read the vows together read the vows together. I'll post it in the description later All right, folks. I think this will be a great place to wrap up. We talked about how a man knows She's the one just to repeat. He makes an effort to spend more time with her He introduces you to his life family friends work associates essential people in his life He wants to hear how you feel. He's consider of your feelings. He does not stonewall you He apologizes if there's any misunderstanding or conflict between the two of you. He doesn't get defensive He progresses the relationship forward meaning you're not feeling doubt because if you're feeling doubt Chances are he's not feeling you're the one and it's a time to talk to one another Okay, I hope you got value out of this livestream if you did please give it a thumbs up Please share it with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel. Uh, please write a comment In the comment section or in the chat box purchase a super sticker super thanks As well and i'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barack of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give itter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Gina and holly and janet and elaine and t davis and mary an and erin happy go lucky and uh janine and jennifer and sharyl and pugs and hazel eyes chick gene debora sharyl stephanie debora bonnie kimberley jennifer uh terry teresa t davis uh sandra just everyone i want to thank you so much Giving you lots of love. I'll see you when I get back. I'll be posting some videos, but I'll be back live On monday of next week. Give me a big hug. Bye now