 OK, welcome back. We go ahead with the class. We started off with the next skill, which is responding skills. We looked at how we can respond, what are the different ways, types of responding. And we looked at a few examples as well. Let's look into the next one. OK, so is there a certain process in responding? Now, this may look extremely, you know, it may look very mechanical, but this is, you know, because it's also part of an academic learning is why it may be needed for us to understand, especially when we're new into counseling or new into using some of these skills. We're kind of thinking of, OK, is there a process in it? And although it looks very academic, very bookish, this is just to help you to improve on these skills. So when you're looking at the process, it involves four steps. The first one is taking in cues. Now, taking in cues is now when you're communicating or when the other person's communicating, you are listening for and you're recording some cues in certain areas. And in these three areas, you're looking for cues in their content, that is the words actually that is being stated in the content of the information and maybe even the meaning of those words. So sometimes you may need to clarify what some words that they're using actually means. You are another cue that you're looking for this feeling. So what are the feelings that are stated or something that is implied? It is not overtly stated, but it is being implied. So that's the cue that you take. And the third is the content, that is the material or the data or the information you know or are aware of that which is related to that which is being communicated. But they may not be actually communicating to you. So sometimes they may be giving you a certain vague information. And that's something that you are attempting to reflect and to respond to. Or any other information that is there in the past. So you take cues on the content. You take cues on the feeling. Sorry, you take views on the content. That is what the meaning is, the feeling, as well as the context, the context of the entire communication that's happening. The second thing that you're doing is you're going to sort out. What are you doing? You're sifting through these cues that you have found. And you're coming to some kind of a judgment about what the essence has been of a particular view lines or a particular sense of communication that they're going through. So you're sorting out, taking off all details that are unnecessarily only keeping that which is needed for you to reflect back. The third is you're drawing a conclusion. Here, you're determining what the essence of that, of that entire communication was. You're formulating a certain conclusion or an inference for yourselves about what you're thinking. And you're reflecting it back so that the speaker understands or your client, your councillor attends, begins to see that you have understood what they have said. So you're formulating an inference. You're thinking about a sentence. And you are bringing it about of the way that you think that the councillor was trying to say. And the last is expressing it, expressing that essence. So you're stating the essence of that communication to your councillor in your own words in order to check out whether you have understood what the person has said. So you can reflect your behavior as well as your words. So even your facial expressions can actually express your magnanimity of what you've understood. So what you're doing is it is especially important when you know someone is feeling something but maybe isn't saying anything. So that sometimes is also being reflected in your words. It's also being reflected in the way that you respond to that certain situation. So this is what you would look at if you're looking at a certain guide or a certain process, that's what we're going to be looking at. Now, in our responses, we've got to be careful that we do not give what we call as we say as a high-risk response. Now, a high-risk response is when you're listening to something, okay? It's in listening. It's a statement which can likely take the focus of the other person and generate certain negative feelings. So what happens over here, it's an interfering response, okay? And it can be inappropriate because maybe the councillor has a very strong need to continue in that state of mind or in that place where they need to communicate. And you as a councillor have begun to turn it around or switch something which keeps them off that focus, okay? Now, a key element like we were looking at in responding, a key element of listening is to keep the focus on your councillor's thoughts and feelings. And what does a high-risk response do? It's not an effective listening skill or a listening reflection. And sometimes we use that high-risk response when we think we're listening, but the communication process becomes very frustrated and it gets blocked, especially when we use certain high-risk responses. Now, these responses are experienced by your councillor as an interfering response and it can be, like it's written here, it can be inappropriate when especially when the person has a very strong need to stay there, maybe in the problem or in the strong feeling. High responses can fall into these three categories. The first one is evaluating and judging. So what is evaluating and judging? It is changing the focus of the conversation by shifting it from your councillor's concerns to your own interpretation, judgment, or diagnosis, or even praise of the other person. Or when you're agreeing, or even when you're disagreeing with them, it kind of becomes like an evaluating or judging. The subtle message that is sent when you're evaluating is there's something wrong or nothing is wrong. So when you're actually doing that, when you're doing an evaluation, remember evaluation and judging always, we kind of think of it as in the negative, but it can also be, it can come across as very positive where the councillor kind of feels that nothing's wrong. When you make a judgment about certain of their behaviors or how they are feeling, you're helping them see there's nothing wrong. What you want to do is to have a very neutral stand and not shift it to your own judgment about something. So the highest responses, that's what it is. When you evaluate or when you judge and say, okay, if they're talking about, for example, we saw it in that video about that boy getting caught in school, immediately when we go back to him, what is it that you think about your own behavior? So when you're getting in it, you've already come to a place of judgment even before he has actually processed a lot of other information that's there. So that's the first high-risk response. The second one is solving. Solving what we're doing is we are sidetracking your clients, your councillor's communication by moving right away to a solution that is being offered to them. So either your questions, your advice or maybe moralizing or problems solving for them interferes with the councillors exploring of their thoughts and feelings that can actually lead them to their own solutions, which addresses to the heart of their situation. So when we do that, when we are attempting to do that, we've actually lost out a lot of good that can come as a result of counseling. So using a response in this category, what does it communicate? It communicates that, you know, hey, you're really stupid or you're really dumb to figure this out on your own. And let me tell you how it can be done. Now, that's what it sounds like when someone is solving somebody's problems. Now, all these responses, except threatening and moralizing are appropriate when your coun... When your councillor has finished struggling with the issue and needs help or when your councillor has finished what he or she wanted to say. Actually coming up to that point of, you know, like in this voice case, actually coming up to the point of say, okay, what do you think of your own behavior? It is a good question. Nevertheless, it's come at the wrong time. We've actually moved 10 leaps and bounds beyond what he needs to try and figure out for himself. And we've gone past that stage into something else. So it is a good response, but it becomes inappropriate at that time. However, threatening or moralizing is a high-risk response. It becomes as if you're solving or again placing a judgment on them. The third one is withdrawing. Withdrawing is distracting the other person or your councillor from their agenda. It's by reassuring that everything will be all right or diverting them to another agenda. This message conveys that, you know, what it conveys to your councillor is that, hey, I am quite uncomfortable dealing with this issue. So when you tend to withdraw, when you tend to distract them into something else, it makes them, what you're actually attempting to do is that, or you may not be attempting to do that for how it comes across is that you personally are uncomfortable with it. But you're allowing them, when you stay within it, when you give them these responses, you're staying in with them at that difficult moment, even though you may not know how to proceed further or how to get them it, you're still just being there in that situation. Like, if you remember in the video that we saw, she's talking about her mom, she doesn't come to a place yet to tell him or ask him how the relationship with his mom can become better. She doesn't go there at that point of time. She waits for it and allows him to feel that uncomfortable feeling, allows him to feel the uncomfortable feeling with his father before she could move on. So that's what we look at as high-risk responses. When they're responding, being careful not to bring about an evaluation, a judgment, a resolving or a diversion or a withdrawing from the needed situation that's there. So that's where we are at, the high-risk responses. Okay, any questions up until now, before we get into the next section of this, of how do we respond to councillors who may be very, very challenging? Any questions? Okay, yes, yes, go ahead. Yeah, thank you, ma'am. In the last point that you said, Red, withdrawing, so did you mean like if we try to even console them or comfort them, even that is kind of a high-risk response? So comforting counselling, sorry, comforting or you said, consoling, right? Okay, so give me an example as to what you would mean. If the, for example, the councillor is talking about a very difficult marriage. So, she might not have finished saying all that she's going through, but meanwhile, if we are trying to comfort and say that it's going to be all right, is it something that can shut her off? I didn't get it actually. Yes, it is something that can shut them off because what we are attempting to do there is, okay, so for example, think of it the way, now you're talking to me about let's say something with maybe a member of your family. You have a child, right? Yeah, two kids. Okay, so you're telling me something about, let's say they have failed. Okay, so the first thing you're saying, Jean, my kids have failed in class and I'm really worried about them. Okay, that's your statement. Maybe the first thing that I say, it's okay, I mean, it's all right. They will be all right. Things will be okay. This has happened with my kids, but they are okay right now. How's your work going? What would you feel? Yeah, like not completely paying attention or maybe just shifting to another topic so very fast. Yeah, so it also reflects to you that maybe I'm uncomfortable to be with you in your point of distress. Yeah, so maybe consoling and comforting has a place like for example, and I see this very often, especially in grief, right? You don't know what to say when someone is in grief or someone has passed away and it's very uncomfortable because you just don't know how to handle it and someone said, okay, somebody has passed away and you may say, oh, I'm sorry, but at least now they're in a better place, right? It's not that it isn't true, it is true and you are called to comfort and console, but maybe that's a very premature statement to do then, right? But rather, how would you respond is, oh, is it so? I'm so sorry, this is extremely shocking. This must be such a loss for you and what are you doing? You are joining with them, you're empathizing with them in that grief, right? And that's why a lot of especially Christians need to learn how to respond in grief because we tend, we give such high-risk responses, we withdraw away from the matter, it becomes so inappropriate, especially when there are such strong feelings that you've really not helped the person grieve or you have not grieved alongside with them, right? So any kind of consoling, comforting has its place. It has its place, but not up until the time that it seems that they are ready to be comforted and consoled. But you continue to respond in a way that you show them that you are with them in their stage of grief, right? Like when they're crying, said, okay, stop crying. I mean, this isn't... That again is what we're doing is withdrawing from them and getting them to think or to emote another way that sounds appropriate to you. So all of those are... The timing of those can make it a high-risk response. But in a point of time, maybe over a period of time or when they are ready to move into the next stage, comforting, consoling, giving hope, all of that is suitable. But there is a time, there is a pace in which you do it. And it may be different for different people, but to really get it from them is about... Like for someone may say, said, you know, I understand this. I know that I should... I know that things will be right. I definitely know that things will be right. Maybe that's their cue to tell you, hey, I don't want to stick on there. I'm ready to move on. Maybe that's the clue that they give you. And so you join in along with them to respond similarly. Yeah, is that... Got that? Yeah, got it. So it is just that it has a place, but it's not like jumping too fast before they could express completely. Yeah, yes. Because the emotional component in any issue is the place we need to tap into. Because they need to come in tune with that emotional space before they come to a phase of solution finding. And often, as counsellors or as just people who relate, we are very quick to want to fix the problem of somebody. But you're a good relator when you're able to stick by with the emotion and thought process of the person and then when they are ready, move them into the next phase. And that's very important for a counsellor to take care of. Okay, okay. Thank you. Thank you, man. So sometimes it becomes so tempting to find a solution. Absolutely, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Okay, good. So we're going to be looking at another smaller section because there may be times that you may come across people who are not, who are showing resistance to not just counselling, but maybe even a communication with you. Okay, so who are these challenging counsellors? So there are different kinds of challenging counsellors who may come to you, those who are unresponsive and just silent, okay, who will not, don't want to talk, who doesn't want to have anything to do with discussing things with you. Those who are superficially agreeable, that is on the face of it, they have come, but deep within they've actually made up their minds that they really don't want to do anything. Those who do not come in on their own volition, that is on their own, on their own desire. Those who are threatened by someone to come for counselling or those who have biases about counselling. Okay, so I think the assumption that we need to make is that people who come for counselling, generally they expect that you will criticize them and you will focus on their weakness and that's why a lot of people show a fear of coming because they feel that you will be judged, you will be criticized and it's more about focusing on what their issues and their weaknesses are more than knowing that they will be challenged and they will be helped to think wider, okay. Let me play this video for you and then we could get into further the topic. Debra, when we spoke on the phone during the week you were explaining to me that your boss had asked you to come in today and have a chat about some of the stuff that's been going on at work recently. Yeah, I mean honestly, she is just such an idiot. I'm really annoyed about this whole situation. Debra, when we spoke on the phone during the week you were explaining to me that your boss had asked you to come in today and have a chat about some of the stuff that's been going on at work recently. Yeah, I mean honestly, she is just such an idiot. I'm really annoyed about this whole situation. This is just a waste of my time as far as I'm concerned. You certainly sound annoyed even right at the staff here at our session. What's the reason that she's asked you to come in? She had a whole bunch of these like little training nurse people running to her and complaining about how I managed them and it's outrageous. They come in, they're hardly trained. I don't know what they do at universities anymore with these people but there's one that's a shockingly bad attempt which she called giving an ejection. It was just ridiculous. And then you know like the minute you sort of like say to them this is a problem, be professional, pull your act together often they trot with their little tails between their legs like you know, whinging about my behaviour and now I'm sitting here with you. I mean no offence, I'm sure you're great at what you do but like I could be out there doing my job. The impression I'm getting from you is that you don't it's not something that you really see the need to do I mean here but it's something you've been kind of forced into doing. Talking about your feeling stuff. I mean no it's not my thing. So what was, I mean I take your point that you seem to see that some of these other nurses that are working with you haven't done their job well and the way you describe it there it sounds as though you're just doing your best attempt to kind of improve their skills, improve their training. If I was to ask your boss what was the issue that she took with the way that you are handling this? She said that I was being too aggressive and that I was, can you believe it? Like messing with their self-esteem as though it's my job to look after their little self-esteem problems you know, either they do the job or they don't. And so I was just being very clear saying that was just a ridiculous thing you did this is how you should do it, get it right. You know it was just being clear. And that's what she meant when she was saying aggressive? I presume so, I mean it's just like you know when I did my training and went through all of this stuff you just did as you were told and you got things right you didn't run around worrying about how you felt about it. So it sounds from just the way that you're talking that you don't see the way that you manage this as being aggressive you wouldn't use the same sort of word? No, no, it's just getting to the point. No nonsense. Right, I suppose being fairly firm with them from what you say. They certainly know where they stand with me, absolutely. I'm curious that your boss seems to have singled you out for this sort of thing and it's not something that they seem to have needed to address with other staff in the workplace though. What's your explanation for that? Why is it that you've been the one that's been asked to come and see me rather than anyone else in the workplace? I don't know, I don't know maybe it's just been unlucky with the trainees I've had. It's the most obvious reason I can think about. And they've now got all this anxiety since there's been problems and the health force about any kind of inappropriate behaviour. So I think that they've just become trying to pander to the community and the community's needs and nurses are precious and we can't train enough with them I just think they've all just got totally over the top with all these worries about things. It does sound as though there's some difference of opinion between yourself and your boss. And it also sounds as though it's probably fair to say though that you are coming into conflict with some of these people in the workplace. What if they just knew their place and just understood that it's my role to tell them what to do and they do it? I mean if they got that there wouldn't be a problem. And maybe that's the case but I suppose it seems at the moment that they're not getting that. No they're not, you're right. In fact they should be sitting here not me. Now because you are the one sitting here I suppose one of the things that we need to consider is it's difficult for us to control their behaviour but there is a bit of an opportunity here I suppose for us to consider whether there might be some changes that you might be willing to make in your behaviour. I've seen that you think I've got a problem in my behaviour. From what I've told you do you really think I'm the one with the problem? Well I suppose it's difficult for me not having been in the workplace to make an informed judgement about that. This is difficult for a few people like it's just been sitting isn't it? Well I mean I think that one of the things that I have to be very careful of is to not make a judgement about something where I wasn't there but I suppose to help you maybe come up with some ideas as to whether you might be able to make some changes yourself. I don't need to make any changes. I'm fine. They are the problem. Like I mean you know, can't you see that? I mean I certainly see that that's the way that you see the situation at the moment that you see it as you know something where it's the other staff that are the problem rather than something that you're doing in your behaviour. Yeah? Good point. So we done? Well I suppose what I'm suggesting to you is that even if there is problems with the other staff their behaviour is a little bit beyond what we can do here but as I said before there is a bit of a chance that maybe this might be an opportunity for you to consider whether there are some ways that you might want to change your behaviour or at least consider that. You may be right but then again... You really are starting to imply that this is my fault aren't you? Is that where you're going with this? No, no that's certainly not what I'm trying to say. What exactly are you saying then? Well I suppose what I'm trying to say is that in any conflict in the workplace you know there's two agents in that conflict and one of them is outside our control. But you're saying a story isn't it? I suppose that a conflict exists between two people and that we have to recognise that the one person in that conflict that you have some control over is yourself and that as I said this may be a time that you can consider making some changes. Look I am just absolutely sick of this nonsense and I think you are just basically pandering to their stuff and I don't want to keep on doing this nonsense. I mean obviously what's your problem? I can see that you're getting quite angry in this situation. I'm furious with this. And I suppose when you are so angry like this it does make it difficult for us to talk about this in a kind of reasonable calm kind of manner. I'm wondering whether it might be useful for us to take a break for a couple of minutes and then come back in and start talking about what we might be able to do given that you have come along here today what we might be able to do to help I suppose resolve some of this conflict in the workplace. What do you mean take a break? Well can we just maybe stop for two or three minutes? If you'd like to go outside grab a glass of water or we can get you a glass of water and then come back in here in two or three minutes once both of our kind of arousal levels have calmed down a little bit and we'll try and approach this again with a bit of a fresh perspective. Okay. Okay. Yeah, so what did you notice? What did you notice? She's extremely upset and she doesn't want to be corrected and with so much patience the counsellor is trying to get into the situation. So much to say. Yeah. Okay. Yes, Divya, I think there are two of you raised your hands but Divya, I can see only your hand up. Yeah, Divya? Yeah, I felt like the counsellor was coming to a judgement too soon and also not addressing the issue the person is facing not addressing in the sense not trying to understand her feelings completely but going into the problem and trying to fix it assuming it is a first session so I felt like it's jumping into the conclusion too fast but it was good that they took a break like in between. Yeah. So this is again a simulated one just for us to probably just see what it is. So yeah, you're right that maybe this is not exactly how it goes but the kind of the quick review of it. Okay. Yes, Collins? Yes. I am saying I think this lady is not fit to be a team member more or less a team leader. I really don't know in my culture we have a funny saying that the dogs don't climb trees and if you find one up there it means somebody put it there. Thank you. Okay, thank you. Alright. So you will in fact you know this kind of picture that you see is pretty common in a counsellor's room because a lot of times specially when they are sent by someone here she was sent by her boss or you know you have students who are sent by their principals this is something that you will very very commonly see where counsellors are challenging there is a huge sense of resistance that's there so it takes one a lot of time and a lot of patience to work with counsellors like this never did this I think you know keeping away the factor of time in this entire in that series that you saw what would you like to notice about the counsellor and the way that he approached the ender so what was he trying to do is he was trying to help her personalize the problem right so he was trying to say what do you think you could do about what you've seen or what control would you have in your behaviour because we see that we don't have control over your training the only control that we have is with you what is it that we could look at so that's what he was attempting to bring to personalize the problem to her so what did you notice as some of the key things that he did even if you look at the way that he responded there were some things that he did to actually help her see that he was with her through that entire through the initial process only when he bought about this point of how could we look at your behaviour or your part of the story that's when she became extremely offensive there so what did you notice about the counsellor here he was doing a lot of exploring into the situation like what exactly has happened even though she was sent by her boss he's trying to understand the real situation that she is facing yeah so I feel like he tried a lot of exploring into her situation okay alright so yeah so I think that's what he did attempt like you wanted to be firm like she was saying I don't think it was aggressive I think it was just being firm all of that so he did a good job of getting up there but then she got extremely aggressive over there so there are I guess there are many ways that we could deal with that at the point of time that they begin to see that maybe a counsellor like for me if I would see a person like this I would slowly back down because the more that you're being confrontational the more challenging they are going to become for you so I would back down and maybe just work through some of those things that she's feeling maybe one key question when I was looking at it I was thinking what would I have done differently to help the person so I would have asked maybe I would have asked a question like this it said okay you know with all the conflict that's happened over here what would you want to do or how would you like to respond in a way that would bring about the positive interaction from your from those trainees or from your boss I may not really focus on the behaviour at that point of time because I think that kind of triggered her but I would use a statement like this what would you like instead if you were to bring a positive if you could have had the ability or if you wanted to bring about a positive response in your trainees how differently would you have behaved or how differently would you have responded to them so that will probably get to the maybe I should so I've kind of helped her to foresee this is what I'm thinking I'm trying to get her to foresee a situation that she may not have experienced up until now because of what there is what I'm saying if you would have had a positive response from your trainees what would that look like how would you have behaved differently so I suppose I'm supposing that that could have kind of worked for her to maybe think in the direction of trying to resolve her problem without really making a judgement on the fact that she's wrong or where she's at but nevertheless like I said these are people you're going to have these are kind of issues and situations that you will have so how do we respond to challenging counsellors what are some of the lessons that we can actually pick up and what do we really need to do so when we are confronted with a challenging counsellor we must first focus on their self-awareness how aware are they so in counselling what we emphasise is self-awareness is the first step for working effectively with them and in some ways those counsellors who behave defensively are a very diverse kind of a population so as a consequence the first step for a counsellor is to look at ourselves and see how we might be contributing to an environment that is viewed as threatening or may not be entirely conducive to them so what we are attempting to do is we are going to align ourselves as an ally they shouldn't see us as the extension of the problem so we need to be careful that we don't do that sometimes we may also need to stand along with the power of the client or the counselling sometimes it will help them to turn their defences down it will kind of bring down the fact of where they are at now remember these are only suggestions maybe it doesn't work with all of them maybe this client that you saw here was a really difficult one nevertheless these are some things that we keep in mind what we try to do is to put them at ease and let them know that we don't instantly expect like for example those who may not want to talk counsellors who don't want to talk you want to let them know that you don't expect them to be able to share everything like for example let's say a teenager or a spouse who is unwilling to be in a session so one of the things that I generally do is kind of concede with them say yeah I'm sure it's really difficult to be in a place here when you really don't want to I'm sure even I wouldn't like to come talk to someone and I haven't given them my consent right so I can see that it's really hard for you so what you're doing is one you've put them at ease and you've also aligned yourself with them that you're telling them hey it's fine that you don't want to talk about it something else that I would probably do is I'd ask them rather than really putting the focus on them I would put the focus on maybe let's say the parents or the other parents and ask them you know what do you think your father your mother your spouse is expecting to see here as a result of you coming to see me what are they hoping for what do you think they're hoping for and so you've taken away the spotlight from them and you've actually put it on the person who's bought them there they may be a little bit more comfortable to talk about it so there are very many different ways to actually respond and honestly it's something that comes up only as you keep doing more of it you know initially I've made so many mistakes because I don't know what to say and often I've said hey if you don't want to be here maybe it's a good thing we don't sit and talk right but then I've lost them I've lost them forever but there are ways that you can actually respond and help them to feel that this entire interaction with you has been a pleasant one about a lot but their interaction has been a hopeful one like for example or another question that I would generally ask is what would tell you that you're comfortable here talking to me what signs or evidences would tell you that you're comfortable talking to me so they may say if I'm at least able to not feel as angry right now like how I'm feeling I would be okay so what you're doing is you're giving them a preferred future a preferred place to look at even as you're working alongside with them okay so when you're responding to these kind of councillors who are very resistant or very challenging something that you can do is to more than looking into the problem focus on their strengths focus on things that they do well right so one of the ways that you could do that is you know I kind of see that your parents have had a certain idea of bringing you here but you know maybe for our first conversation I'd like to probably really not focus on that how about we talk about something that you really like what is something that you really enjoy doing or what is something that you find yourself extremely strong in I'd really like to know that so what are you doing is you moved away from the problem focus into something that is maybe the strength of the individual because they begin to feel that you know you're not they're sitting to really dig out something right and be engage with them actively as you keep listening to them and what we're also going to emphasize there is that they actually are the real experts of their lives and not you and you're sitting here as a facilitator so for example I'd say you know I'm I'm so glad and I'm sure there are many things about you that I don't really know about and I'd be keen to understand how you work through some of that look so they may say hey I'm good at football I'm good at XYZ great how do you manage to get so good at that so what you're doing is you're kind of putting yourself on a step down and saying you know I'm looking at you to show you that you have good resources you have that ability so you've given them a good sense about who they are because they probably come they're feeling very judged feeling as if you know there's going to be another person who's going to beat them and you know give them a hard time but here what you're actually attempting to do is helping them see where they are at and when councillors act that we don't take it personally right it's not against you it's only their it's their defense because they need to take care of what they are feeling so they're actually taking things out like that because in order to help them cope with it so what are the skills that are needed in such a case is a few of this is necessary where you're able to express empathy see the councillor may be just pretty tired or pretty just frustrated with the entire process so you are there to show them empathy you're also going to avoid argumentation you're not going to say you know but there is a problem with you that's why your parents are brought to you here you should just don't get into combat with them attempting that they will probably think about it it's not the time to get angry or not the time to confront that way so avoid any kind of argumentation then sometimes a role with the resistance right for example let's say councillor maybe when they have a drinking problem my mother thinks that I have a problem but she's wrong I do not want to stop drinking as I said I do not have a drinking problem I want to drink when I feel like it just like this councillor so the councillor may say you roll with that so others may think you have a problem but you don't so that's right my mother thinks I have a problem but she's wrong so you're just rolling with that resistance like this man did he was exactly doing the councillor was doing that he was doing with the resistance you know you don't see it as aggressive when they see it as aggressive you don't see it as aggressive so what do you see it as maybe I see it as firm so he's a good okay that's how you see it right next is you recognize their strengths as I said you know you're basically trying to help to see how they can what are some of the strengths that they have so that you can help them to look into a different different form of the so what are some of the strategies that you may need to employ as you're doing this is one you talk about the idea of counselling and any fear associated to it so you can agree that your counselling has reasons for being upset or angry and that they're valid while also excuse me while also you are commending the fact that they are willing to participate okay so you you bring down any of those fears and you commend that idea you also concede power to the client you give them the power that yeah wherever they are for some point of time you need to give them the power you can acknowledge that it can be very awkward like maybe for those who are very quiet or are very closed in that it's a very awkward way of what's happening you can disclose what you have heard or read about the person like for example maybe you know you have a sheet or someone's actually giving you a referral so you can see you know this is what I've understood but nevertheless you know this is secondary to me it's really important for me to hear from you so that you know I can understand where you're at so what you're doing is you're saying whatever someone else has said is secondary it's not as important as what I want to hear from you what you can do is you share how your counseling approach uses no pressure so you're saying that you would like their honesty and their approach to it willingly rather than having rather than their resistance so what you're basically saying is helping them to see that you want them to join in alongside with you so that's how some of the strategies are so what are some things that you will you need to look at when you're looking at resistance so here there are two types of resistance is one what the counseling is struggling with inside and there's something called as the counselor's error so in this the counselor is trying to get the counseling to do what she's not ready to do or what they may be afraid to do or maybe does not understand or does not even want to do so in this case the counselor's excuse me impatience can create resistance and it is and sometimes it can be the counselor's greatest enemy so the counselor is trying to proceed in a manner that may not be suited to the client and that's something that you may have seen in the example that we saw okay so maybe the counselor has used the language in a certain way that does not help the counseling to move forward but what we need to see is we approach it differently okay and like I said these approaches need to be learned there are very many ways that we approach this so some ways that you can see that resistance is being expressed is by the counseling is through these ways one is there unwilling to change okay which we saw here there can be blaming that your counseling is blaming other people for their problem there can be excuses the counseling is making excuses for their behavior which is the same way I drink not because I want to drink I drink because my wife bothers me or they are minimizing that they suggest that the you as a counselor is exaggerating all the dangers or even their parents bought them they are exaggerating the risks of the dangers and it isn't really so bad okay there could be a pessimism where the counseling makes statements about himself or others that are very pessimistic okay nothing will ever change this is how it's going to be you know whatever you are approaching is a positive way they will say oh no but but but they will keep going on with that but but but means they are okay to stay in that place of disease or that place of death okay or disagree here the counseling disagrees with any suggestion and definitely does not offer any kind of a constructive alternate so this includes that you know they say yes but you know it always explains what is wrong with suggestions that are made then this is how you see that that a person can get into a place of resistance so as how do we respond to that first is to reflect the simplest approach to responding to resistance is with non-resistance that is just by repeating the counseling statement in a neutral form you just keep responding in the same way just so that you know you're able to stick on with the time the immediate time you resist it is going to bring about a a sense of withdrawal so here a counseling says I don't plan to talk to my mother in law ever again so the counselor says okay you heard so deeply that you don't think you can talk to her at all right it's just reflecting that you don't say oh you know that's not right or you know how would that turn out for you and your mother in law and your husband don't go there when you begin to see that resistance just stick on with the person okay next is to be able to point out discrepancy here is to acknowledge that the counseling that the counseling whatever they have said but also stating contrary things that they may have said in the past okay so that's why you're pointing out a discrepancy I think I have an example here yeah okay here's the example so the counselor says I know you want me to give up smoking completely but you're not going to do that so the counselor brings up a discrepancy and says okay you can see that there are some real problems here but you're not willing to think about quitting altogether so they may have said you know whatever there are the issues have been there in the past they're saying okay there are problems but you're not willing about willing to quit it altogether so what you're doing is you're helping them see that even in their manner of communication there seems to be some sense of a discrepancy that's there so that's how you tend you get to a point of confronting the discrepancy or helping them see that there is a discrepancy in the way that they are thinking alright the third one is to reframe what does it mean to reframe is you're offering a new and positive interpretation of a negative information that is provided so that's what my question had earlier if you remember I said if your trainees needed to view this interaction positively what would it look like to you how would you differently respond so what am I doing I'm offering a new and positive interpretation of something that's been negative so it offers a new meaning about it okay I think there's an example here the example here is my mom is always nagging me about my study it really gets to me right so what the counselor says is it sounds like your mom really cares about you and is concerned although she expresses it in a way that makes you angry maybe we can help her learn how to express her concern in a more positive and acceptable way so here you're not looking at this but you're looking at something else or a different way of saying this is it sounds like your mom is really concerned about you how would it look like how would you like her to see this instead what kind of a place or a state of mind would you want her to see her instead so she says instead of her nagging me I want her to support me right so then I've got back the positive frame of it and say okay what would supporting you look like so she may say a few things okay what would you like to do to help your mom see that you want her to support you so in that way I've actually got it back to the counselor to get to discuss with her mom about how she likes to be supported okay and the last one is to support self-efficacy so what this entail many counselors may not have a well developed sense of self-efficacy and they may find it difficult to believe that they can maintain or even begin a certain behavioral change so when you want to improve self-efficacy self-efficacy is the way that they are doing something it may require that we are eliciting and supporting hope supporting optimism and also looking at how we can accomplish change so this may require us to recognize the strength of an individual and that's why that's important you know to dealing with the strengths of people and bring that into the forefront whenever possible so you're not looking at them as a problem but you're looking at them as a way of working with their strength so unless a counselor believes change is possible this discrepancy between the change and feelings of hopelessness is likely to result in a denial and that's why self-efficacy becomes a very important part of behavioral change and it is crucial that us as counselors believe in their capacity and in their strengths to be able to reach their goals I know I have really spent through but because it's of a lack of time but quickly any questions here anything that you all want to bring up so we looked at at resistance and how we can deal with some of those resistance any questions I just had one question you talked about different kinds of discrepancy so how does one recognize like if the person is dealing with what kind of an issue like whether it is like something like they believe that they won't be able to do anything about this or how do you recognize it like I believe there were some categories that you mentioned earlier especially with the last one that you just said the self-efficacy part so how do you recognize for example if it is self-efficacy how do you analyze or recognize that they lack that they don't believe that they are able to make a change so they will articulate it to you so one is they may say something like when you have resistance they may say okay I know that I have these many issues with this problem like we were talking about that smoking right so she knows that there are many fallouts of smoking that he or she has seen in their life and then they are saying I don't want to quit at all so there is a discrepancy that is also resistance you are seeing a discrepancy there so maybe a question like you did articulate to me that there are these issues that you are facing but nevertheless you find that your willingness or your ability to change is something that you feel you are not able to get so I do see a discrepancy there how can I help you in understanding so that is the way maybe that you need to bring about a discrepancy they will tell you that or when you are seeing strengths that is what I meant by there may be times needed that you are not only talking about the problem but you are also finding out what all they have a potential for like they may say in a 10 years ago I was able to do this, this, this and this so 5 things they were able to do and now they are saying I am feeling so hopeless I don't feel like doing anything you are bringing them back to their strengths and saying that you know there was a point of time that you did that I am interested to know how did you do that what were some of the details of how you did it so you are picking up from a strength that must have been 5-10 years back and trying to bring it into the current situation in order to help them to move away from that resistance, give them that hope and that optimism saying this is something you did this is something you were able to manage when you formulated yourself what is it that we can look back and take so generally discrepancy will come out in your conversation, you will be able to notice it and that's why what you have picked up in earlier sessions become very useful for you maybe at a time they are very resistant so it's something that will come up and something that you may need to build it especially with clients who are or counsellors who are resistant or challenging it is to build about their strength and use their strength in order to deal with their current denial or pessimism or hopelessness it's to do that yeah Divya yeah, thank you alright, I am sorry I took another 10 minutes of our class thank you for your patience can somebody just close with a word of prayer Jefina would you like to close with a word of prayer please yes we have a new father we come to you under the name of Jesus thank you for this day we thank you for every single thing that we learned today Lord God, you created all these beautiful people around us and God, you created us to be enlightened to them every single thing that we learned Jesus in these counselling sessions God, I pray that we will put it into practice just like how you moved with compassion you looked at them help us to move with their compassion so that we can reflect through you and this life Jesus through our words, through our actions and through everything that we do we give you all the glory alone in Jesus name thank you all, thank you so much please don't forget to do your assessment before the 14th of March thank you, have a blessed week bye bye