 So if you hear this red flag from a man, there's a good chance he'll break your heart. And we're gonna actually give you several different phrases that men say that could actually be a precursor for them actually creating their exit clause. I think some men who are either rather manipulative or they're rather unconscious set up their exit clause. In other words, their escape plan by actually dropping seeds right from the beginning. And that way they can always come back and say, see, I told you so kind of thing. Okay, now what I'm about to share is ridiculously obvious. And yet it's sadly, I witness women habitually neglect this one particular red flag. And then there's a series of red flags that kind of go with this. And so we're gonna dive into this and we're gonna give you a little variance with this within this as well. So the most significant red flag is when a man says, I'm not looking for anything serious. Now, the challenge with that is you might not also be looking for anything serious as well. So if two people aren't looking for something serious and they engage in some activity together, meaning getting to know one another, which includes both emotional connection as well as physical connection, what oftentimes happens is one person, typically the woman gets attached to the other person and it can actually set you up for heartbreak later on down the road. So if you are someone looking for a serious relationship and they say, I'm not looking for anything serious, well, I guess it begs the question, what does that mean I'm not looking for anything serious? So I invite you to even ask, what does that mean? So if it's not serious, then it's casual, then the question then becomes what kind of relationship are you looking for? What kind of relationship are you looking for? If you're seeking a casual relationship, well, let's put that in a bucket for a moment. Are you seeking friends with benefits? Let's put that in a bucket for a moment. Are you seeking a situation ship? Let's put that in a bucket for a moment. Are you seeking ethical, what's it called ethical non monogamy? That's another new phrase that's out there. It's very popular for the polyamorous groups, ethical non monogamy. See, serious to me represents a desire to go from a dating to not, so let's look at this for a second. What's the purpose of dating? Like, well, Jonathan, it's about having a good time and you get to know each other and have a good time. No, the purpose of dating is a vetting process to decide if you want to enter into a relationship with this person. And then what's the purpose of a relationship? Like, what's the purpose of it? Like, why do people do this? Well, I believe if you don't have the intention of getting to a serious place and then this begs the question, what is serious? Then you're actually going into the dating dynamic, the relationship dynamic with no direction. Let's just say, for example, you lived in Los Angeles and you're driving to New York City, okay? You have no map, you have no GPS, you have no compass, you have no Thomas Brother guide. Does anyone remember Thomas Brothers guide? And you have no map question, you have no Google maps, you have no ways, you have no navigation system. How are you gonna get there? Are you just gonna go, hmm, I'll just drive towards the rising sun? Well, yeah, but you can end up in a lot of different places and that's what's happening today is most of you don't have a sense of direction on what you want. So it's very easy to fall into the trap of those that are seeking non-serious because they're giving you attention in that moment. They're giving you some validation, some admiration, some compliments, that sort of thing. So then you have to decide what is serious? Is serious getting married at some point? Is serious living together? Is it sharing expenses in life? What is serious? And for each one of you, that might have a different answer to you for you, excuse me. When a man says I'm not looking for anything serious, I would want to know what's the resistance? What's the fear to serious? So now we're gonna take this question or this statement and we're gonna take it a bit deeper. What is the resistance or fear? And this is where you can actually find out more and actually uncover if it's really a situation, if it's just, okay, some people will say, I'm not looking for anything serious because they have no idea if they want something serious with you. They want something serious, but they don't know if you're that person. Some men will say, let's take it slow. Now, let me be clear. When you hear a man say, let's take it slow, but he was like a jackrabbit to get you in bed. So he got you in bed, you slept together. And then immediately after that, let's take it slow. What that means is, I don't know if I like you enough for anything serious, but I'm certainly happy to put my penis in your vagina on a regular basis so I can ejaculate in you. Bum, bum, bum, Jonathan, you said a dirty word. Just graphically describing biology here for a moment. So when a guy says take it slow after he was rushing to get you in bed, what that is really saying is, I don't know if I like you enough to emotionally invest in you. I wanna drag this out as far as possible. And by the way, when men take it slow, they can be searching with other women, they can be putting themselves out there in a variety of different ways. So just recognize that that's a big gigantic red flag as well. Now, here's the thing about some men who say I'm not looking for anything serious. It's an escape cause to say, look, I don't know if I like you enough, well enough to actually even tell you I want something serious. But what does happen to some men? Okay, some men that don't hate their ex-spouse that aren't pining for an ex-relationship, they've had good relationships after their divorce, for example, for those of us in midlife, there's a good chance you're divorced. They don't have professional issues going on. The ground underneath them is solid, they can pay their bills, they have a good relationship with their children, if they have children. See, these men are actually might say that initially because that's why it begs the question, what does that mean to you? And then you come back to what's the resistance? If the resistance or fear is they got burned badly, then chances are they haven't healed from their past relationship and that makes them very problematic to be in any future relationship. But I'm thinking, I went to a wedding just 10 months ago and he said in the beginning, I'm not looking for anything serious. And she progressed, she asked some deeper questions and then she investigate what that was is he was just simply saying, I don't know if I like you well enough to know, but I'm looking for a serious relationship. So what was interesting, he started off with a precursor, but when she dug a little bit, she uncovered where he was really at. Okay, fast forward, they dated for two years, they got engaged and got married roughly about eight months after that. He was ready, the timing was right for him because the ground underneath him was solid. See ladies, many of you find yourself in dynamics with men that I call spenders. If you're not familiar with my chart, I call them the three types of people actively dating. By the way, you can look here, this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. I call them users, which are about 20% of the population. Those are the people seeking short-term game, the love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, the selfish people, the entitled people, they're only out for themselves in a good time. And then I have what I call grower and builders, it's about 20% of the population, they seek long-term commitment, they're emotionally grown up, they have their act together, they have good relationship skills, okay? But vast majority, 60% are what I call spenders. These are people that want companionship, connection, and sex, okay, companionship. They have no direction in their life, they're uncertain, they're fearful, they have dysfunction going on in their life. So your job, okay, so you have an 80% chance to end up with a user or spender. Now as you notice back in this, the arrow's pointing, there is arrows pointing towards the growers, right? Someone might be right at the cusp of going from a spender to a grower. And the key point to look for those men, because you're most likely gonna find someone in the 80% category is, is their life in shambles? Do they have any negativity towards a past relationship? Are they complainers? Do their actions not match their words? You have to be your own detective. You have to be your own detective. I'm sorry, but Jonathan, everybody tells me it should just be easy. By the way, why isn't it so easy? You shouldn't have to work at this stuff. Folks, the most important decision you are ever going to make in your life is the person you let into your life. That is by far, that is by far more important than becoming a doctor. That's even more important than having children. I'm sorry, this is just my opinion here. This is more important than the job you chose. The most important decision you're ever going to make in your life is your life partner. And we have this fucked up fantasy that if we have chemistry, it's just gonna equal relationship success because we have so much chemistry. I read on dating profiles, if there isn't chemistry, don't even bother kind of thing. And I'm like, yeah, chemistry is important. There's no doubt about that. Chemistry is important. But what's more important are, excuse me, I'm pulling up my relationship iceberg chart. Yeah, chemistry's on the top. It's the first thing we see, but compatibility is about shared values, a shared vision, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That's far more critically important. Now I wanna dive into one more red flag that can be a heartbreak for you. And that is those spenders who are stuck in the past or they have walls up. They are stuck in the past or have walls up. People are stuck in the past. They're still hung up on a past relationship. They talk about a past relationship incessantly. They talk about how they were, their previous partner was a narcissist. They were an abuser. They were an alcoholic. They were a user. All this negativity about a past relationship, okay? Or they have walls up and they are unwilling to dive deeper emotionally into the relationship. They're unwilling to dive deeper. They're fine with the surface, but they're unwilling to answer deeper questions. See, here's the bottom line, folks. The whole dating process, I said this in the beginning of the broadcast, is a vetting process. Your job is to assess whether or not they have the capacity to meet your needs. And I'm assuming if you're watching my channel, you have the desire to be partnered with someone. Whether you live together, you get married on a spiritual level or a legal level. You actually want partnership. Well, here's the bottom line, folks. Remember I come back to this relationship, iceberg? This emotional maturity right there, emotional maturity. These are humans that have the capacity that have good relationship skills. They have healed from their childhood wounds and adult traumas. And they have the capacity to be an active participant in a partnership. See, the problem is today is we are no longer dating for partnership. We're just dating for a good time. We're dating for entertainment. It's all about attraction and romance and not enough emphasis is spent on the pre-qualifying if they are actually a good fit for me. I'll share something personal with you in a few moments as well. And it saddens me because so many of you women, I'll be candid with you. Look it, I've got duct tape. Look at this. I'm pulling out some duct tape. Okay, duct tape. This is you women. You have duct tape over your mouth. You are unwilling to ask for your needs to be met. I may repeat that. You are unwilling to ask for your needs to be met. I mean, you're fearful. You're afraid. You're afraid that if you speak up, he will leave you. That is the worst relationship to be. And if you haven't read my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help in Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book. Chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. And chapter nine is if it's sincere and from the heart, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Ladies, the duct tape you have over your mouth is the reason why you find yourself in circumstances that lead to heartbreak. If you are unwilling to dig a bit deeper, then you have your own near yourself to blame. Look, I get it. By the way, dating is scary. It is scary. We are meeting total strangers and we know nothing about them. This is why we have to spend more time doing due diligence beyond the physical and the romance. And so many of you are so hyper-focused on the romantic aspects of a relationship and not enough in the practical aspects of a relationship. And so I shoot these videos and I habitually repeat myself over and over and over and over again. So it sinks in because here's the thing, when a man leads with, I'm not looking for anything serious, can we have a casual? I don't wanna put labels on it. That's a man who doesn't know what he wants. And by the way, you all say to me, Jonathan, I want the man to be the leader of the relationship. Well, if he doesn't know what he wants, how can he lead? And by the way, I don't believe in a leader in a relationship. I cannot stand the rhetoric out there, leader of the relationship. Let me tell you, and I'm gonna be really firm right here. I believe in partnership. Two sovereign beings co-creating a relationship and not a leader that's one up, one down. And I know the red pill community espouses this. I know a lot of religious people are espoused this. You know, because it's biblical. I don't subscribe to that. I'm not your coach. If that's what you subscribe to, I believe in partnership where two sovereign beings get together and they co-create something together by speaking up, by talking, by digging more into the emotional aspects of the relationship. The reality is, is your partner should be the safe space place you should land. And you both equally should be in that space. It's not just you need to be safe. He needs to be safe too. Because you know what? We no longer live in an environment where we financially are, women in particular are no longer financially dependent upon men for survival. So the real value in the relationship is emotional intimacy. If you haven't read the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, there's a link below to get a PDF of all the books I recommend. I highly recommend reading this. And if you're not familiar with your own emotions, I gotta tell you some, you ladies, you might vomit your feelings, but you're really vomiting a lot of just trauma. Learn the language of emotions, what your feelings are actually telling you by Carla McLaren. I highly recommend reading this book as well. I'll put that up one more time. The language of emotions. By the way, if you go back and rewind this if you wanna get this, and there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. Folks, one of the things I do as a coach, my whole area of expertise is teaching discernment. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is teaching you discernment. Discernment means figuring out fairly quickly is this person worth investing in? And actually one of my clients told me today, she goes, you know what, I realized this, your coaching isn't discernment about picking guys. Yeah, she said I had a broken picker and you've helped me fix my broken picker, but you really helped me figure out who I am as a person and what I really want. And that's what I brought to the table as well. Again, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call. See if working with a coach is right for you. Folks, when you hear things, let's take it slow. If you hear, I'm not looking for anything serious. If I only want casual, if they're unwilling to actually go deeper, if they are unwilling to answer deeper questions, if you ask the question, what's the resistance and they're not willing to go there, then save yourself heartbreak and cut it off sooner rather than later. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please post a comment below. I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours. As always, if you liked this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And then in the link below in the first comments, check out schedule a discovery call with me. Check out the books I recommend. Follow me on Instagram and all that good stuff. Okay. All right, those who know my format know. It's time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and then post your question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there when he was eighth grade graduation. He's my son who passed away five and a half years ago. Fuck, five and a half years ago. And as honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute and also give scholarships to coaching as well. So again, and our goal tonight is $50. So I'd like to see some love tonight. Hit that little dollar sign. If you're watching the replay, please hit that Super Thanks. Okay. I said earlier I've got a personal share while we're waiting for questions. I mentioned to you guys or to you folks on Saturday a couple of days ago that I had a, I didn't have a date. I had a, I'm gonna say, I was meeting a woman who we'll call a friend, okay? And just to give you some backstory, we had connected on a dating app years ago, okay? It was just, but it never went anywhere. I think we spoke on the phone once three years ago, but never went anywhere. Partially because there's distance. There was, there's 48 miles of distance. And then Los Angeles, that's like a airplane away, okay? And then we, I went to a singles mixer in a two months ago and she happened to be there and she recognized me and she mentioned that she watches some of my videos and she recognized me from the dating apps. So we kind of kept, we didn't really, we spoke once on the phone and then, you know, it was the holidays, we kind of each did our own thing. And then we reconnected a few weeks ago and we planned on meeting, okay? And when I say it wasn't a date, it was just a meeting, okay? Hey, I want to give Melanie some props for that 49 nine super sticker. That is very sweet of you. Now our goal is $100 tonight. Thanks for the love. Okay, so we said, hey, let's just meet up just as two, you know, friends, if you will. I wanted to take the pressure off, you know? I feel like today, when you're meeting a total stranger, it's almost best to take the pressure off and say, let's not call this a date. Let's just call this meeting to see if we like each other kind of thing. And so that's what we planned. We originally, she wanted to go to a dive bar and she goes, how do you feel about a dive bar? I'm like, totally fine with that. We ended up meeting at the Ritz Carlton instead and it was a logistic thing. And immediately when I saw her, I was attracted to her and she was attracted to me and we hit it off and we sat down together and we had this lovely time together. And it went from a friendship date to an actual date. And we both expressed that we had mutual interest in one another and we shared a little bit about our lives. Okay, we said our good nights and we had planned on seeing each other, you know, the following weekend. What was interesting is when I woke up the next morning, I had all this resistance. I was just like, I was feeling a lot of resistance over this person. I couldn't really nail down why, was it the distance? She told me she works, you know, late at night and it's just in living in Los Angeles. That's a pain in the ass to see each other during the week. Or was there other resistance? You know, I mean, like I was feeling some resistance. I was like, there's some past residue from my previous relationship. It's very minor, but I could still feel it. So I was just having this weird sense of like something doesn't feel right. It was more like intuition. And I sat with it for most of the day and I processed it along with my work and everything else. And then she ends up texting me later in that evening and said, can you talk? And I said, sure, and we got on the phone and she immediately expressed a deal breaker for her. See, my particular lifestyle doesn't necessarily fit with everybody else's lifestyle. The things, some of the things that I like to do and the way I conduct my life. First off, as a dating or relationship coach, I've heard from a lot of women I'm intimidating, but nonetheless, she expressed a deal breaker and then she also expressed the concern about the distance giving the way her lifestyle is. And we kind of concluded that it probably made no sense to move forward. I wasn't gonna chase, even though we had a good time, but I woke up with some kind of intuition something wasn't right. And then it was interesting that within 12 hours later, it was confirmed. My point in bringing this up is even two people can have chemistry, but it doesn't mean it's a fit. Even two people can like each other, it isn't a fit. See, it has to fit to make it work. If you're trying to put square pegs in round holes, it isn't going to work. And most humans haven't honed their intuition. And it's one of the reasons why we are seeing so much calamity in the dating, mating and relating realm. So I'm sharing it as story. I mean, we both like each other, but at the end of the day, if it's not a fit, it's not a fit and that's okay too. I feel like I'm one step closer. Just like Edison making the light bulb, I'm literally one step closer to meeting someone where it can be a co-creative experience that can lead to something serious. And for me, seriously, they're moving in together or getting married. All right, I wanted to share that with everyone while we were checking out while we're waiting for questions. Lisa says, you're so onto a clever and intuitive. Well, thank you. It's not you, it's me says you are intimidating. I get that. I mean, I can understand where a lot of women would feel uncomfortable uncomfortable with someone like me. I get that, you know? It's not my job to fix someone else. So all right, Julie's, oh, wait, oh, sorry. The magic entertainers in the house. What do you think a guy I dated meant when he said Canadian women are too demanding? Well, I suspect at one point in his life he had a encounter or a relationship with a Canadian woman, maybe more than one. And he judged them, so basically he judged one and said all of them are that. So that's most likely what happened. I find Canadian people to be the most gracious people. I was in Vancouver, Canada, and I can't believe how, I actually, after coming back home, I was doing searches in Vancouver for women because I found them to be vivacious. I found them to be very kindhearted. You know, it was like, it was really fascinating to me. So, well, excuse me, it's fascinating to me to hear someone say that. He probably had a bad experience and they labeled it like all women are like that. It'd be like me saying, Marie is Colombian and I've only dated one Colombian in my life. And if I said something that was negative about her and applied it to the whole demographic, the geography, I mean, I think that's just a small-minded person when they label a country as being demanding. And I don't think Canadians are demanding, in my opinion, so. All right, Julie's in the house. Why are men phobic of relationships? Are they emotionally immature? They don't mind meeting up a lot? Well, you know what? I think, okay, I'm gonna give you what one of the things I think has caused more casual relationships is that the ease of sex. I mean, literally, I, you know, dating apps have literally just turned into hookup places and hookup is just another term for sex worker. Okay, I just offended a few people, but it's like prostitution. Like you, it's replaced it for men. You don't have to go to a prostitute. You can just go online and within a couple hours you can probably hook up with someone and getting laid. We've really, ladies, you have trained men to not value you. That's really part of the problem I see is, you know, if every woman were a chastity belt for the next 90 days, men would shape up. Ha, ha, ha. The other factor in this, given how many people are divorced and it felt had some miserable experiences in their past relationships, they're fearful of getting into a relationship. I mean, the reality is, you know, I was watching a divorce attorney's video and he said, would you get on an airplane that had a seven out of 10 chance of crashing? Would you get on an airplane? No, you wouldn't. In fact, airplanes have a one in a million chance or something like one in, is it a hundred million? I don't know how many flights happen in a year, but it's some ridiculously low, low, low number, okay? Like one in 10 million, one in a hundred million, okay? Relationships have like a one out of 99 out of 100 failure rate. I mean, think about it. The divorce rate for first marriage is 50%, second marriage is 65%, third marriage is 75%. Those are just marriages. What about just people dating that have had a hundred dates and will never see a person again? Or what about the relationships? Like if, think about it, if you're 60 years old and you've had, you know, eight relationships in your life that more than three months, that you mean you have a zero success rate. So people fear it because it's a, it's actually a failed technology. Relationships aren't unlike, you know, in the past when you only lived to be 30, you had one relationship in your life because you died at age 30 and I'm thinking of cave people. But nonetheless, that's just my rough thoughts on that, Julie, I hope that helped. Miss Jay, how long do you wait to date if your grief's stricken? Well, if your grief's stricken, heal the grief. There's no timeline on when you can date. You know, I learned something after my son passed away that nothing is permanent. You know, so grief is really oftentimes suffering from grief is a desire to change things. I think once you reach a level of acceptance, you can still have residue of grief. But once you've come to a place of acceptance, that's when you can probably begin to start exploring something, you know, as you're healing on yourself. That would be my invitation anyway. Thank you, Miss Jay. I appreciate that. Lisa wrote, after taking it slow for a year and a half, has he possibly developed feelings by that stage? My man is more into me since I pulled back. Yeah, but that's just when someone pulls away, that triggers an unhealthy attachment style. That's not a healthy way to sustain a relationship. Here's the thing about feelings. Feelings are not facts. They're just feelings. Just think of words like happy, sad, joyful, disgust, fear, anger, sadness. Did I say sadness already? They're all, those are just, they're not facts. They're just moments in time. When you're saying feelings, you're talking what he want to, I think what you're really asking is, is he willing to explore something deeper after a year and a half? Well, the only way you're gonna find out is talk about marriage and see how serious he is. That would be my invitation. Folks, listen, if you're in midlife and you've been with someone for a year and a half, that is plenty enough time to figure out if this is someone you want to be in your life for the rest of your life. It doesn't take much more than a year to figure that out. And anyone that tells you otherwise is just full of shit. I'm saying roughly a year, you know what I mean? And again, it depends on their predisposition for what they want. That's the other piece of the puzzle. Wand is in the house. Should you give someone a third chance if they have changed after a while of talking again? What's the definition of insanity doing the same thing? Like, here's the thing. I've been working on my shit for a decade and a half, okay? This idea, people don't change like that. They don't change, okay? Unless they had a truly dramatic, humbling event, they might have temporarily put a bandaid, okay? But, you know, you're taking the risk in this particular case. But then again, I don't know what you're looking, you know, how long you've been dating and stuff. Leafs in the house, please write question before your questions so Jonathan can see it. Please remember to hit the like button. Yes, it's easier for me to find a question when it has the word question. By the way, you are welcome to ask me personal questions. Just write the word personal question and you're more than welcome to ask me personal questions as well. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Okay, beach lovers in the house. One of our members who are membership is the red pill thing all about women being submissive, men of the household. I'm still wondering what that means. That's part of what red pill is. The idea of the red pill is, comes from the movie The Matrix. The red pill or the blue pill? The red pill is the truth. The blue pill is the illusion. Now most red pillers are critical of the feminist movement. And the reason why women are so unhappy is because they've gone to becoming self-sufficient and empowered and because of that, they're not subscribing to the traditional roles where a patriarch or a misogynistic or toxic patriarch. And so red pill espouses that we should go back to a olden way of men of the leaders of the relationship and women are subservient. That's my interpretation of the red pill. I'm sure they would give you a different narrative. They will tell you that women are self-serving and they're users and there are certainly plenty of women who are self-serving and users as well. We have an incredibly dysfunctional society. There is no doubt. But that's kind of the cliff note version of it. All right, let's keep going. Jade is in the house. What if the person says I'm not specifically, wait, what if the person says not specifically that they are not looking for something serious but they wanna start as friends and see where it goes? It's a strange thing men are saying now. Great, a penis doesn't get to go inside the vagina until you've had some really serious talks. Absolutely, spend friendship all you want. Develop that get to know you period but don't let them have sex with you and then you'll see how serious is about being friends. Okay, Jade, hope that helps. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Lee is in the house. My boyfriend still allows the cat on the bed. Now it even happens during sex, what should I do? So first off, I would identify what it is about that that bothers you. So get clear on what emotions that are coming up for you within this dynamic of the cat being on the bed, especially during sex, number one. Number two, assess what need you have. So it could be simply, Tim, I don't feel comfortable with the cat on the bed while we're making love. It makes me self-conscious. And when I'm self-conscious, I can't fully be open to the experience that we're both having. So I make a request that the cat that we put in another room while we're being intimate with one another is that okay with you? You identify, you then share and then you express what need, what you need from it. And then you assess how he responds to that. If he gets defensive, if he starts being critical of you, then you have deeper issues to deal with. Otherwise, ladies, remember, duct tape, duct tape, if you don't talk, you know, we can't hear you, we can't hear you, we can't hear you. We can't hear you if you don't talk, okay? All right, Lee. By the way, who likes the duct tape that I pulled out today? Look at this roll of duct. I bought this just for videos, although I'm sure I'll use it at some point. Hey, by the way, we goal is $100 for our, the scholarship fund. So come on, there's a little dollar sign there. By the way, who wants to jump on the hot seat tonight? I just posted a link if you want to jump on the hot seats, okay? Oh, Barbara just said, love that lawyer. His name is James Sexton. He also has a great story about granola and blowjobs. By the way, folks, Google James Sexton video that went viral. It's an hour long and it is absolutely fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. James Sexton. All right, Lisa, my son was 19 years old when he passed away. Does anyone know the Joe Jackson song, 19 Forever? Every time I hear it, I cry. Minds me and my son. Rita says, I apologize for misspelling your name. Believe me, it happens all the time. Does not offend me. One bit. Gee is in the house. My fuck friend and confirmed bachelor player of almost eight years appears to have feelings for me now. He doesn't want to talk about what he does when I'm not with me. Can he change? You know, this isn't about him. This is all about you. What do you want? Do you have duct tape over your mouth? Okay, what do you want? You got to address, you got to establish what you want, express what you want, and you have to be willing to walk away if he doesn't meet you would want. Otherwise, you are a compatriot in this most likely dysfunctional dynamic, and you only have yourself to blame because at some point, by the way, ladies, the minute the penis goes inside the vagina, you release a chemical called oxytocin. And the more you fuck someone, the more attached you become to them. Become attached to them. So it's incumbent upon you to speak up. What do you want? And then express your needs to them, okay? Good luck, team. Miss Moon. Boyfriend and I have issues. I'm on a trip, told him we can talk about when I get back in two weeks. He called two times. I usually chase, but this time, don't initiate contact, keep leaning back. I mean, are you asking me should you just use this method? You guys have issues. Talk about your issues. Stop using duct tape. Talk about your issues. Resolve your issues. Find out where you're different. By the way, conflict, by the way, if you haven't read the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman. Chapter two, right there, chapter two. Agree to disagree, addressing conflicts. Folks, avoiding conflict is the, sticking your head in the sand. It doesn't behoove you to do that. So have those conversations to find out what it is that you can work on. Otherwise, ask yourself, is this the right relationship for you? All tree flowers. What was the deal breaker for her? Many of you know, I like to do plant-based medicine journey, spiritual journeys using plant-based medicine. I know that that is probably a deal breaker for many of you listening to me because you have most likely judgment or excuse me, people have judgments around that. And they also, it just might not be part of their lifestyle. For me, I, ever since my son passed away, I have felt this desire to explore the meaning of life. More importantly, the nuances of life using medicine to assist me. And that's not everybody's thing. And that's okay. Actually, it was that in the distance that it was kind of two deal breakers, you know. And I'm okay with that. You know, not everybody wants to follow my journey. Some people, I've had one woman that didn't wanna date me because I'm public and I talk about my personal life like I'm sharing right now. And she didn't wanna date me for that reason. Even Marie had some resistance around that. She felt uncomfortable. So I recognize that, you know, in my shooting my note, cutting my nose, despite my face, I'm here to say I'm my, the real journey for at least me personally is evolving, it's this folks. This is the most important journey in my life is learning how to truly love myself not from a narcissistic place, not from a self-care place, not from a masturbation place. You know, I still want physical intimacy with someone. But I'm really on a journey for myself. I have lots of questions about the meaning of life and particularly what happens after death. Again, this was sparked after my son passed away. And that's not for everybody. There are places in Costa Rica. There are places in Peru. Ayahuasca, for example, there's lots of, you know, in other parts of the world, it's a very acceptable practice. And for some people here, that's a deal breaker. So anyway, that's what happened and I'm okay with that. And I might change my tune at some point but I'm still a searcher right now for that in my life. All right, happy Chrissy, happy Chrissy. I'm getting tired of doing this online dating thing. There are tons of guys looking for casual, not serious. As I get older, the quality of men keeps getting smaller. That, do we do? What do we do? You know, I mean, look, I can blow smoke up your ass. I'm gonna say, yeah, it's fucking difficult. It is. The fact of the matter is, as people age, they don't take good care of themselves. Number one, number two, online dating, most profiles are put together like shit, okay? Like everybody thinks their profile is okay. And I look at them, I go, yours is a piece of shit, okay? I'm just gonna be blunt. It's crappy. Most people put such poor representation on themselves. And then they're ambivalent about commitment because we have a deeply wounded dysfunctional population. Folks, here's my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills. This is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. 20% of the population has clinical issues and by the way, ladies, this is you too. When I say 20% of men and women, 60% is dysfunctional. And while I say 20% are emotionally healthy, I'm being rather generous there. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. So then the trick becomes, if you're looking for a needle in the haystack, first become your own needle. Heal from your past. Learn good relationship skills. Take good care of your body. Put a great representation on yourselves so you can become a magnetic attractor for the other needle. That's the secret. Moving the secret, that's the secret. That's the secret. First, you have to become the needle and then you use an electromagnet. You don't have to burn down the haystack. You use an electromagnet to attract in what you want. What that means is you put out great energy. Then you just sit back and let the universe do the work. When I say by great energy, I mean inspired action, which includes dating apps, which includes going out to social events. You know, it's spicing up your life. That's how you change the narrative in my opinion. Does any, Chrissy, I hope that resonates with you. Come on, who wants to join the hot seat? Come on, let's get a hot seeder on now. Okay, let's keep going. Rosa says, once the penis grows established, what, once the penis grows established in the vagina, you are fucked literally and figuratively. All right, let's give some love. Julie says, the duct tape is hilarious. Leif is reminding me of my Joe Jackson song. Thank you. Barbara's back in the house. Do men have the emotional capacity to see a woman's value and aim to raise their standards or simply seek easier and not to meet a woman's standards? Well, see, does a woman have the emotional capacity to see a man's value? I see a lot of women that don't see my value. They are stuck. So I'm intentionally, look it. This is not a male-female thing. This is a human thing. See, if a person can't see your value, it's because they don't see their own value or they are so stuck in their ego. You ever watched the Housewives of Beverly Hills or any of the other Housewives? This is a group of people that are so far up their ass in their ego that all they care is their own value. So we have people that are stuck up in their ego or they don't see their own value. It is not a male-female thing. It is a human thing, Barbara. But yes, when a person doesn't know their own value, or they're stuck in their own ego and their value, they have a hard time seeing someone else's value. Leanne is in the house. I'm dating a man who cheated on his wife which led to the divorce 15 years ago. My sister says, once a cheater, always a cheater. Is that a rad flag? He was upfront about it early on. So, Leanne, has your sister ever lied in her life? Has she ever lied in her life? If she's lied, well, once a liar, always a liar. Here's the thing about this. And I've had several friends. Let me reframe that. Several people I know who were unfaithful to their spouse. Now, they happened to be in loveless marriages. In some cases, they slept in separate bedrooms. And these men or women stayed in the relationship because it was their duty. The relationship, the marriages ended, and they went off to find other partners in their life, and they were absolutely faithful to these other partners. You have to find out why was the cheating? Is the person a sexaholic? Is that the why? Or was there something missing in the relationship? And then the question becomes, is this new relationship a healthy relationship? If it's not a healthy relationship, yes, they will most likely repeat a pattern. But that saying, once a cheater, always a cheater? Well, guess what? If you've ever driven illegally, once an illegal driver, always an illegal driver. Have you ever lied? Once a liar, always a liar. Have you ever stolen something that wasn't yours? Once a stealer, always a stealer. It's just, but I will say this, people that have emotional issues, if they don't heal, will most likely repeat a pattern. That is most likely true. Thank you, Leanne. Krista says, actually plant-based medicines enhance the body's natural healing proprieties. I'm a big believer of that. Mary Ann says, I will fly across the nation to trip with you. I don't trip, I actually go deep. It's meditation to me, but thank you, I appreciate that. Anna says, have you ever dated a female dating coach? Most of them are dead broke, so I probably wouldn't. I'm sorry, I'm superficial in that way. I want someone who has financial stability. Most dating coaches, I mean, I'm in the 1%ile, folks. And I'm not saying that arrogantly, I'm just saying, most coaches don't make a living, you know? But would I date one? Yeah, if she subscribed to my philosophy, most dating coaches, but Jonathan, we're supposed to lean back and let the man lead. You know, like they don't subscribe to my philosophy, most female dating coaches. Most female dating coaches sell you on the Prince Charming narrative, and I just think that's bullshit. But would I date one? Ah, who knows? If she had her shit together, hell yeah. The each lover says, let's start a plant-based group. There are plenty of plant-based groups out there. I'm in several meetup groups along those lines. By the way, Lighthouse says, can you add that to your profile and help define the one? Okay, folks, you just put it out there. So let's read from Jonathan Asley's match.com dating profile as we speak, because I do include that. All right, I'm gonna read my dating profile here. For the past five years after losing my son, I've been on a deep exploration to find out who I really am beyond fear and ego. A journey of self-love who seeks a marriage-minded woman, or at least living together, who wants to explore the depths of love. This isn't about growing old with someone. I want to grow in life and love with a remarkable woman. The things I won't shut up about, I'm fascinated with human behavior, personal development, and the meaning of life, spirituality, especially in the area of self-love and self-worth. We're a fit if you have a curious mind because I'm attracted to an inquisitive woman interested in expanding mutual consciousness. Let's say personal development and spirituality are my jam. Is it yours too? The depth of a soul is so vast that we need lifetimes to get to know our true love. My heart yearns for a woman capable without the distractions of doing, of going deeper to explore the truest meaning of what it is to love. I desire and seek someone who can go down rabbit hole conversations wanting to know how I feel and what I think as I do the same for her. The person with the curious mind versus wanting to know what's up. Most humans talk to each other instead of with each other, which they believe is communication. In my world, real communication is intimacy, speaking from the heart, but more importantly, hearing from the heart. I describe myself as tall with dark hair and a big teddy bear heart. Maybe I'd say I'm a good guy with an edge and yet I'm human with insecurities or dare I say flaws? The thing that freaks me out most is condiments. I can't stand to be near ketchup and mustard, but yet what I can do is hold your heart like a precious jewel as your lover and heart protector. Yeah, I can't stand condiments, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise and relish, the four horsemen of the apocalypse to me. Professionally, I'm a writer and speaker and coach who chooses to be more of service than chasing money or power because I want to spread self-love to all who are suffering. At the same time, the universe has seen fit to reward me with abundance and I'm financially self-sufficient seeking a partner who is the same. Ideally, I'd like to meet a conscious empowered woman who is a combination of feminine and masculine in the sense that she is both a giver and a receiver. She has a big heart that yearns to be expressed with healthy emotional maturity and good relationship skills and can truly open her heart to love. She is either an empty nest or no children with the time to explore and play in the depths of love. Ideally, she'll be self-employed and free to spend time regularly here in Redondo Beach. She is a natural giver she is a natural giver without being a doormat financially independent and has a generous sharing nature who would be interested in plant-based medicine ceremonies to explore the deeper consciousness to explore deeper consciousness and spirituality. See, it's on my dating app, I said it. The question I'd like to ask each other, who am I? Who are you? Let's explore the journey side by side. Thank you kindly for taking the time to read this and listen to it, everyone. Yes, I'm a graduate of the Hoffman Process Insights Seminars one, two, and three. I'm a big fan of Abraham Hicks. Joe dispends a course of miracles, Wayne Dyer. If you have a strong desire to join my mission to spread love and awaken human consciousness, please feel free to contact me. All I ask is you read my profile carefully and ask yourself, are we a fit? So to answer your question, Lighthouse, it is. What'd you guys think of that? What'd you guys think of my dating profile? Pretty intimidating, right? But look, see that to me, and maybe I'm arrogant here for me, that is a quality profile. I think that gives paints a picture. It just paints a picture. It's not my entire book, it's just, it paints the cover of who I am getting to know, like I said, the depth of a soul takes lifetimes, lifetimes to learn. So most of you guys have a shitty book cover. Your pictures are terrible and your introduction, let me say, let's say there's the pictures and then the introduction. Anyway, Cheryl says, I don't find you intimidating. I think you're swell. Your radical honesty is attractive and exciting. Thank you so much for that, I appreciate it. June says, I have had very deep spiritual experiences with plant-based medicine. I do think people should really be called to it. I think for some people, it is amazing. Oh, Prima says, I'm in nutritional science and biochemists after losing my dad, I started my journey toward plant-based medicine and it's healed me from disease and took, that took my dad, oh, that's wonderful to hear. Um, Lisa says, become what you need exactly. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Rita says, dear Mr. Ashley, it's Asley by the way, you are not intimidating, you tell it like it is, we need more people like that in life. People who think you're intimidating are just afraid. I'm just, I just had people say that about me. So I'm just aware that that has been said. Let's keep going. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Margaret says, when are you gonna start a men's group? Well, I began shooting videos for a new men's channel. It's in my, by the way, if you go to my homepage on YouTube and see it says Jonathan for men, I will start posting probably within the next couple of weeks. I'll be posting videos for men there. Phyllis says, dating coach, one I saw online married, lot of married people, yeah, that's true. Krista says, I had no idea that most dating coaches are and were actually broke. Um, you know, there's a lot of people giving dating advice that make no money, yes. But there are plenty that do make a living at it. So I'm not saying all are broke, but a lot are. There's just a lot of coaches out there that are wannabes. And honestly, to be a successful coach, you have to be more of a successful marketer, you know, and most people don't know how to market to make money, to get clients. That's really what it's about. But I do believe a lot of female coaches sell you ladies on the Prince Charming narrative, even though it doesn't seem that way, that's how they package it. I'm here to tell you, human beings are fucked up. You women are fucked up, men are fucked up. Men are assholes, you guys are pains in the ass, okay? We are just a dysfunctional society. That's my point of view. Not everybody, just a lot of people. By the way, we were nice enough to get a $50 donation in the beginning. Come on, we're getting at the tail end of this. There's a little dollar sign. Give some love tonight to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Krista said, since you mentioned rabbit hole discussions, what are your thoughts about Alice in Wonderland? Yeah, I love Alice in Wonderland. I actually liked the Johnny Depp version. I mean, certainly there's the cartoon, there's the animated version from Disney. But the story itself, the book itself, yeah, there's a lot of metaphors in there for, I suspect Lewis Carroll. I believe Lewis Carroll was there. Hey, hey Google, who was the author of Alice in Wonderland? Yeah, Lewis Carroll, I was right. So there was some suspicion that he was into plant-based medicine journeys when he wrote the book. So yeah, I love that. I love the song, the Jefferson Starship Song, White Rabbit. I wish I could play it right now, but YouTube would block for copyright. Rebecca, may I ask how long you have used the same profile narrative? Great question. So I rewrote that after Marie and I split up. So it's only a few weeks or a few months old. I just, I rewrote that. I wanna say November 1st. So that's when I rewrote it and an older version. But I felt it was time to redo it. By the way, that lady didn't, we met through a different site that wasn't as progressive as match.com. And we met at a singles mixer, by the way. What is a DF spirit? I don't know what that is. Someone said, I'm a woman yet possess a DM spirit. I value truth and justice, but not necessarily the American way. I don't know what DM spirit is. Okay, be curious to know what that is. Oh, now we see some love. Okay. Finally, Margaret, $15 Super Sticker. Thank you for the love. Jenny, thank you for the love. And Emily, thank you for the love. So that's $20, $30. Okay, we need $20 more to hit our goal for 100 tonight. Thank you so much for the love. Beach Lover says, watch it, Jonathan. I have a ketchup package. Oh no, you know I hate ketchup. Oh, divine masculine, divine feminine. Okay, folks, I don't like the terminology. Let's just say you have your divinity. Whether you have a penis or whether or not you have a vagina, masculine, who gives a shit? You know what, to me, masculine is simply doing. Feminine is simply receiving in my world. And I believe if we're a good, healthy human being we give and receive. So we don't need to put the narrative, divine masculine, the divine feminine. How about just our divinity? How about being in your divinity? Take out the gender references. This is why things are fucked up is we've got these narratives and these expectations based on gender instead of just showing up as a sovereign human being instead of showing up as a sovereign human being. Does that make sense? Look at Christa says it makes sense. Hey, so what did you guys think of my dating profile? Just, I mean, I know that was a lot to take in but what did you think of it? I'd be curious to read. Magic Entertainer, what do you think is the best way to get over someone is to get under someone? What if it doesn't work, do it? See, I'm not a big fan of the best way to get over someone is to go sleep with someone else. I don't feel like that's healthy. Just do the work on your own but it's not fair to listen. I am quite aware that there's still residue left from my past relationship but it's just residue and I think we're always going to have residue from our past. If I had a charge and I needed to go be with someone else to release that charge, kind of an interesting metaphor there. It's not fair to the other person. I think that's using someone and I don't think that's fair. Anyway, that's my two cents on that. Lady Citra says, I like your profile. You put your truth out there. Unfortunately, many people don't. You know, folks, I've just been blessed. Doing this work has allowed me to really get to know who I, by the way, particularly after my son passed away, I've gotten the gift of learning how to be expressive. Very few humans actually know how to do it. So anyway, okay, so I'm gonna wrap up in a moment. Guess what? Tomorrow night, I'm speaking at a singles mixer. It's for age groups 30 to 55. So it's a little bit younger than the demographic here but I'm grateful that I'm gonna be speaking at an event for an hour. Should be supposedly 50 men, 50 women. It's a singles mixer. I'm gonna talk about the stuff I talk about here on the channel. I wish you could attend but I know most of you live all over the place but if you happen to be in Los Angeles, I'll post a link in my community page here as soon as we wrap up for any of you that'd like to see me live tomorrow. And hopefully in the next few months I'll be doing more live speaking gigs in Los Angeles if you'd like to see me in person, okay? So we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, did you find value in this video? If you did, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. If you've got something to say, post a comment below. I do my best to read them all. Also, check out my link to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to follow me on Instagram, all that good stuff. And we'll take it from there. Does Marie watch your content PowerGee? She never did watch my content so she's not watching it anymore so she doesn't watch it. And if you'd like to see me live, post a comment on this video. Say, Jonathan, I'd love to see you live sometime in the future and maybe if you could join my mailing list I'll send you some info on it as well. We're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrick of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Leaves and Jody and Dee Dee, Magic Entertainer, Lighthouse, Teya, Krista, Leslie, Jade, Happy Chrissy, PowerGee, Jenny, Dee Dee, Wendy, Cibella, Margaret, Lady Citra, June, Beach Lover, The Magic Entertainer, Terry, Kathy, everyone, big hugs. Thanks for being on tonight. Love you guys. Have a fab.