 Good day and welcome back to the 4080 podcast with your host, Mr. Thomas Henley. How are you guys doing today? Today, we're going to be doing a little bit of a different episode, as always. We're going to be talking about autism and rap. And I have a special guest on tonight, SD Flame, who's going to be talking about their experiences. How are you doing? What's up? So my name is SD Flame. A little bit of background about me. I'm from a city of Mississauga. It's located in the Greater Toronto area, the GTA. I've been in Toronto twice for opportunities with the nonprofits. I won a small press on this summer. I did a lot of training and I'm happy to be on the show. I also went and inspired, I'd say like about over 100 people with disabilities outside my music, too, to push more with motivation talks with this music. And I'm right in thinking that you are autistic yourself and ADHD. Yep, got diagnosed four and a half. Four and a half. I wondered why the hell I was in a hospital, but I was in a hospital. Yeah, so I actually have a invested interest in sort of rap music and stuff. Because I think when we had our pre chat, I was talking about my my playlist of dark trap, which is like trap music's form of rap and then dark traps like the heavy metal equivalent of it. Very strange music. What did you think about it? I didn't really check it out, but I feel like it's getting me kind of like suicide boy vibes and some shit like that. Yeah, well, it's it's not like it's not like email rap. Yeah, I'm partial to a bit of email rap, but I do I do like all the like the old school stuff. Biggie Smalls is like one of my like go to me for me was nice for me. Love, Naz, J. Cole. Oh, J. Cole. Love, J. Cole. Yeah, it's really cool. So yeah, I mean, I've always music's always been quite a big part of my life. And, you know, throughout the years, kind of your your music tastes kind of adapts to what circumstances you're in and what you see and people around you. And I just thought it'd be really interesting to kind of talk about your experiences. So how did you start rapping and how how has your autistic experience influenced your music? All right. Well, before you understand my story in hip hop, you got to understand how the greater Toronto area is like and how and how this kind of dragged into me. So growing up, I spent my teen years and what I consider like more of the culturally mixed areas. So if you're from if you ever heard from Toronto, whatever, my city itself is 50 percent or more immigrant population. So growing up, I was around the Arabs, South Asians, Latinos, Caribbean people. And a very diverse place, a very diverse place growing up. Like even telling the slang in my area, as I was even mixed with a bunch of cultural words or different languages and whatever. So it's like, but one thing that was brought us all together was hip hop. It was like that one thing that we had some guys were considered some bands were considered like the local legends of the area, like the local rappers who they bid to Toronto. They'd done it up. And some of them aren't just like famous in the neighborhood. They're famous through the city. Yeah. Yeah. So we had a bunch of those bands, like they really brought it together. And that's where. That's where kind of like was the influence for me. So what kind of got me to start going through hip hop and whatever was I was introduced to that 15, but I really think too much of it. I was someone who's just listening to rap, 16 or whatever. Nothing was going for me in life. Like I was 16 years old and felt like my life was going to shit. Yeah. Yeah. Like I came from a bit of a conflicting household. My family did the best for me, but they're in some harsh circumstances at the time. School, you know, same thing that every autistic person bullied. You really felt like you had no place to go, except like you were just chilling at random spots. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you're kind of like so being like a social drifter or like a wallflower. Yeah. So it's like you're observing people. So it's like you're like walking around. It's like you're a stray dog, basically. So when, so this, this day happened for me, right? I was 16 years old in the cafeteria as a progression to a battle. I didn't think it happened, but I won the battle. Was it like a like a rap battle? It's done. Yeah. A cafeteria battle, cafeteria rap battle, you know, and I won the battle on that point. I was gladiator mode ready for whatever comes next. And the rest of my high school experience, I battled and I struggled in life probably up to like my 20s and I'm doing better now. And what kind of? Because my experience of secondary school, it was very. I don't know. I was I was kind of like you said, sort of a bit of a stray dog. You just kind of drift around different areas. And I tended to like congregate in specific places, one one being the library. And I don't I don't know. I think, you know, looking, looking back on. My my experiences, I think. A lot of the lot of the drifting that I did of like going around and meeting different people was I was trying to find people like me, like it understood me and I was I was kind of. I was trying to find something for myself in this situation because it's like I have trouble holding a job. Me and the other people in my situation, other people with disabilities, we're angry as shit. Yeah, yeah. Like Cussan and like we'd be in a rec center or whatever. And it was like I started battle rapping here and here and there. And so you had like social groups or was it just the crew at school kind of thing? There was different like places and whatever. It's like one thing I had to realize about my neighborhood, too, is that a lot of people picked up a craft, for example, to get themselves out of a worse situation or try to better their situation. So it's like not just me and ableism, but people were taken a bunch of other to their marginalized to. So I didn't grow to a high school in the same neighborhood I'm from, but at the same time, it was like a lot of us came together and it was either you think of a camera, are you a musician, are you an athlete? What can you do? And I know you mentioned about your sort of experiences in the household. Do you think that that, like, is that something that you want to elaborate on or just kind of push? It just got better over time. It just got better over time. I knew that at the end of the day, I feel like my family did the best for me. They spent the situation there at the time. It was I was like a harsh divorce. So that's the best way I could kind of like explain it. Everyone's kind of just doing better now. Good, good. Well, I know you were mentioning something about sort of secondary school and stuff. Did you like my my my particular experience of secondary school was quite isolating and anxiety provoking. And I had a lot of individuals from different areas of the school, different parts of my day who were quite confrontational, like quite, well, they bullied me, basically, which, you know, that that had such a massive impact on how I viewed life and other people when I left secondary school. Is that some is that something that you've experienced that kind of bullying aspect? I was like traumatized when I left. I know what to do with my life. That's why I say I struggled a bit, even in my 20s. Because it was like I was having trouble holding a job. I was unemployed. Most of the jobs I did held were in the nightlife. So like dishwashing for bars and whatever. And it was like it just wasn't an easy environment to be. And your life was a mess. You were like broken, whatever, and you're trying to make something come out of it. That's what made me take rap more seriously at 19, because I just felt like I needed something to do. Part of why I say stay blessed at the end of my videos is that I'm happy that things didn't get worse for me. I'm blessed every day that I wake up and I got something to fight for, for more. But, you know, when you were telling me about your your story, sort of in the pre chats. You know, I identify a lot with, you know, what you're trying to do at that at that age that you're talking about around sort of early or late teens, early 20s. My focus was to be an athlete. So I was like, oh, right, I need to get on that. And that sort of endeavor, that idea in my head of getting to a certain place was enough to kind of pull me along through all the difficult times at school, particularly. Yeah, so it was like, same with kind of me, too. Like I was a very kind of in his own kind of zone kind of person. But then over time, too, I did learn how to socialize. I had some homies through a club or motors. They took me out. I was like. So she offered, but I made it work. I just made it work. And in a way, I kind of networked away myself through not just my city, but through the whole Greater Toronto area. So I've been a downtown Toronto. I've been like. I've been to a lot of places. I've been a Toronto even recently for training opportunities to train in some programs. And is that programs for you or programs that you're helping? Oh, these are programs for me to like train and hip hop and show, show, do better, do better and with, too. But like, I'm happy. I went through it and made me into a better artist at the end of the day because it helped condition yourself to work on yourself and figure out more of what you got to do. I am. I you mentioned something about sort of the like the socializing and the social landscape and we'll we'll touch on that in a sec. But before we sort of logged on to today, this podcast, I had to look through your music. Well, I search your name in on Spotify. I don't look at some of them. And I like the two that that really stood out to me was I liked the Redemption song, but I also like like some of the particularly the song Ladies Night and Ice Like Winter Heat. I can't see the rest of that. Like summer. Yeah, yeah. So it was like it was like in a kind of way. You felt like you were this uncommon breed with this kind of shit. So it was like when you're in these places and whatever, I was trying to think of a way to like kind of rise up from the shit you were in and whatever. It was like my nights I sleep as I'm trying to go be something got to work and grind. That's what I find. Pain hustling the board, put it together, combined. And you might remind that I'm one of a kind. That kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. I love I like when you when you get like the flow going on the songs like this, I really like it. It's I'm not I'm obviously I'm not like a music industry person. So I don't know all like the lingo and stuff. But like I like this like a lot of the songs that kind of sort of laid back and quite. I don't know it kind of gave me some of the songs gave me like, you know, like Ice Cube kind of chilling back and sort of rapping about stuff. I kind of wanted to have that kind of sound with me, but it's the ones that hit hard. So that's what I was trying to go for. That's what I was trying to go make happen with it. And a way to a lot of man's will like chill back and listen to my music. Sometimes they'd be drinking or even having to smoke. Yeah, it's kind of funny to. Look back and it's I appreciate them all. I love them and whatever, but it's just one of those things where it was like we were more chill back and doing this kind of. I like it because there's there's some of the songs in there where you kind of like, I mean, to be honest with all of them, you've been like very sort of experimental with like how you're rapping and like the ways that you rap. It's like it's quite it's quite cool. Like for me as a listener to kind of rap rappers, they kind of have the some of them have like quite a diversity in the ways that they rap and some of them are like pretty just like they've got one kind of rap voice and they just go with it. I was doing a lot to find my voice in this. I was doing a lot to like. I was doing too much probably even to like try to find your flow and cadence and your style. I had an idea in my mind of what I want to do, but it takes a long time for it to come out of you. And that's where I had to be mentally conditioned to. I think it's like it's it's good. Like even sort of trying to draw a comparison to my own life. I think, you know, experimenting with topics and YouTube videos and podcasts and stuff. It's always like very important because you got to kind of nail down like your niche and your your way of delivering things and, you know, what you talk about. He talked to. I kind of like to do a bunch of things too. Like I kind of like to draw from your perspectives. There's times I like writing club bangers. There's times like writing more serious deep storytelling. It depends what what I feel at the time. It depends what I want to kind of. Aim. I have like no books behind me. Of a bunch of whatever I could. I could do. I can do. I have no books, no books, stacks of stacks of lyrics. And at one point to what made other rappers see it had potential and other people in music. See, I got potential even though I wasn't at the skill level. They thought I should be at was my lyric writing. Because they were like, if we figure out how to get it out of him. What he's got written on paper. He is going to be lit. Yeah, I definitely saw a lot. Like I can definitely we'll see it. I heard it. Well, I could definitely hear that. I'd want to say that to me like years later. He said, well, me and him were having a phone conversation. And I said to me, well, at the time I didn't think that you were that good. But he said you had potential because of what you were writing. Sure. And then I suppose sort of jumping back a little bit to the first point. I mean, how exactly did you? Did you go about starting? Like was it was it that situation with the rap battle that that's when you started to get more into it? Or did you like, you know, in your notes in class, just like writing down lyrics and I've done that. I've done that freestyle in front of mirrors. But when I started building a recording studio, I would say about 2021. I started taking the money that I got from working all these hard ass jobs from. Oh, bro, I got stories for you. Go for it. Okay. So me and a few other dishwasher disabilities were all working this one spot in the downtown part of my city. And it's small and it was an arcade venue, nightlife place. And we would have stories of people being like drunk. One person I think told me that we were all working the pit and there was an emergency exit from the VR rooms, the dish pit. Someone fell through. Oh my God. The VR room. Like virtual reality. Yep. Oh my God. It's like describe this complex, this place. So when this place first opened up, I got fired and hired the same day. I probably hold the record for shortest employment rate at my employment service for special needs my area. Sure. Sure. So I lost my job at a local grocery store. I have a trouble thing where I couldn't talk to customers and work at the same time. One would fall off, whatever. It was a big ass place to work. Is it kind of like a gambling place or is it like? No, I didn't gambling. It's just an arcade place. The casino is way too far from there. So this is where it gets pretty hilarious. So I went and prayed for a bit. I kind of believe in my own philosophies and that kind of too, but being an Italian boy, you're raised to be Christian a bit. So I went to church, prayed for a bit, took what I call an ADHD nap when I got home, lie down and stare at your popcorn ceiling in your townhouse. So after that, I'm like, okay, that job fair is still happening. So took a shower, put on some for a job interview, went and printed out my resume, went over it like nothing happened. Went in line and it was like the most craziest interview process I've been through. Like we were playing games and one of the corporate executives had a clipboard and we're assessing you. So I just go in there and wing it and just say whatever. So I go in there, play the games, joke around here and there. Next thing you know, the head chef comes out there saying, you're all hired. I call my mom and she's upset that I got fired that day, but then she's like, what, you got hired? And I'm like, yeah, mom, I did. She told my nono. My nono didn't believe her either. What was like the job description? Was it just kind of looking after the machines? That was a dishwasher. A dishwasher, yeah. So a bunch of me and a bunch of other dishwashers who were near divergence would go there and work. And because the percents were low, a lot of us ended up in the downtown area of the city working because they were always hiring. Sure. So but at the same time, it wasn't easy though. Yeah. Like what was the dynamic? Was it like you were in an organization or getting help from an organization to go and find work? And you and your buddies all went together or did you meet them and just find out that they were near a divergence as well? They kind of just got hired over time. Sure. So it was like it is what it is. Like we were just all in employment service and I probably still hold the record for the show. It's employment rate there. Unemployment rates. And for like five hours. It's real tough, isn't it? Like there's a lot of statistics around unemployment and autism. Yeah. It's like 18% full-time employment. It's crazy. Something like that. Yeah. So like I worked there. So at one point I was working this place freestyle and while working. Nice. Freestyle at other bars. I was gonna ask you. Got out early enough. I have a story where it was like, I had some stories here and there about freestyle at other bars in the area. It is what it is like. Like because I know you mentioned before about sort of the like the social aspects of rapping, I guess. I want me to get more into it. Yeah. I was just wondering like how did you actually navigate like the social world? Because I imagine it's the music industry is a bit different kind of abnormal everyday jobs. It's like this. First of all, this goes for anyone who grew up in my area or whatever in my city. Everyone had a code of respect. Sure. So when you're in a room, you shake hands with everybody in the room, even if you don't know them. You introduce yourself. So there's that like a consider. I would say you got, it's a bit of also just doing how to navigate and network. Because the music industry itself is very, it's all about when most of it's about who you know. So if you could find somebody and you could strike up a conversation, that's the best way to handle it. I've been like the nightlife for years. So a lot of my music connections in the beginning came from being at bars or clubs. And I would like network around. So my city was very entrepreneurial. So it's easy to find somebody who probably is trying to start out and do a thing and do their and be on their grind. People would hand out business cards everywhere from bars to clubs. Some of my past business card. So it all was about that. So I'd say there's that I'd say respect. You respect the people at the top and they respect you back. A lot of it had to do with respect with like respect and coming off with someone who gives respect. But at the same time, someone like that should be respected in a way too. Like, I don't know if it's because of my disability, but there's just times I in the back of my head, I'll hear a voice. And it's like, mother, prove yourself like right when I get up at that mic. And it's like, I feel like I don't know if it's what I've been through or the trauma I faced or what that was. But it's just it's always kind of there, whether I'm doing an open mic or it's performing anywhere. So I would say that it's kind of like either a positive self talk. Like, is that the kind of thing that you're going for? Is it like it's a bit of both guys and you put a lot of pressure on yourself? And you go through a lot, you're not just sleepless. You're a bit of that, I would say. But at the same time too, it's what I would say too, when it comes to everything about the social aspect of the music industry. When I went to Toronto, it was a very kind of similar situation, but now you're around people who are even way more high up. Because when I applied for the places to be in Toronto for training, you know, they have an interview process. You get in, you go in there and you talk to a lot of people. I've been around Judo nominate artists, which are kind of like our top awards for Canada. I've been around people who said they worked with Drake and all that. So I would say people are relatively chill there. But at the same time, you just don't want to come off as like, I would say you don't want to be cocky, or don't want to be kind of like acting like you're some big man when you're not. Is that something that you've learned? Did you have to like learn that, or is it kind of... It's a little bit of both. I feel like there's times I probably bigged up myself in some situations where I felt like I could have done better. I don't have to be like that. You have to be so ego intuitive. But at the same time, though, you learn from it and you figure out how to do better next time. You go in there kind of shake hands. So it's like, it's a bit of doing yourself without, I would say, but also learning to keep humble, but also wanting more in a push and being on your grind, your hustle. Seems like you've got kind of like the social landscape quite sussed out. I mean, were there any situations that you had that really kind of, you know, being autistic, sometimes we struggle to sort of comprehend very complex things that aren't like said to us to our face. Do you find that there's been situations where perhaps you're not really getting things as become an issue? Oh, I got a funny story with you on this one. Stories are rolling. So at one point, this is where I look back and I say, I could have done better. So I knew this other other MC from the same area as I'm from and me and him knew each other for years. He's seen me from when I was 19. So trying to take it more seriously and whatever. And it's been iron out between me and him. He's forgiven me. I apologize for the way I was or whatever. As everyone was getting more opportunities to accept me. And I remember I went to, I think one of the events he was doing, I was like, at the end, been kind of complaining or whatever. And he kind of, he kind of like roasted me a bit too. But after said at the same time, well, we'll go and look for it. And the next thing you know, he sent me a message on. And he showed me that Toronto was looking for more people for a training program. And I put my application. Got it. First opportunity in Toronto. Nice. Nice. So that was like one way. It's like, you want opportunity? Here's your fuck opportunity. Is there any like programs that are for like disabled people to get into the music industry? I would say my area, I'm still looking for them. Yeah. I'm still looking for them. The majority of the places I trained for hip hop and rap were more of like POC places. Some members of the LGBTQ community were there. There are other people with disabilities there too. Other people with ADHD and other situations too. So that is one thing to kind of consider. But at the same time though, you just want to go in there and just show your respectful. Yeah. I like that. I guess something that I want, something else that I wanted to ask was, you know, what kind of aspects of being autistic or being ADHD do you think has like contributed positively to your rapping, to your career? Okay. So the thing about this is we're getting to mental conditioning. Mental conditioning, when you're dealing with let us say a neurotypical brain, there's different parts you condition. Like they obviously condition like neurotypical rappers to think faster. Yeah. And all that stuff when I already have ADHD. You've already got that. I'm like, so you're already thinking that I have faster speeds than the average person. So that can help in a lot of situations with freestyling or coming up with songs. You kind of just stim a bit, have repetitive thoughts. You have a hook. Yeah. You have a hook or whatever and you just put it on your voice notes on your phone. You play it and you figure you put it all together. You get a hook in a verse. You just know how to like connect thoughts better, whether you're freestyling, writing a song. Also the energy helps you too. The thing that like kind of is the way that you kind of go about making, making songs, producing songs is like, do you ever like sit down and just like write, write lyrics or is it kind of like, if you have an idea and you're like, oh, I'll be sick and make a voice note or jot it down on your notes or something. It depends the situation I'm in. I have a very kind of, I would say, scattered way out create. I'm an organized mess. Yeah. Likewise. So it's like when it comes to, I would say that when it comes to the autistic part with helping you with rap, you're more creative than the average person. I swear I probably didn't lose my childhood imagination. Yeah. Yeah. So when you're coming up with similes, punchlines, metaphors and wordplay, it's a bit easier for you. That's how you're such a vivid, lyrical person because you picture it and you make it work in that kind of sense. I think it's interesting that, isn't it? Because autistic people, we tend to focus more on like, I guess, more direct communication like speaking just from one end to another rather than sort of morphing it. So I guess like the act of going in and writing lyrics and sort of all that wordplay and stuff would come quite naturally to us. Yeah. That's the part. Those are the parts of like being autistic helps with rapping and gets you through to people at the mic. I guess I'm guessing like the hyper focus is probably a good one as well. Yeah. It helps to express the average of the situation. Also, you're right, I'm a neighbor too. There was a bunch of other European immigrants there too about that part too. So let's say, I would say, yeah, it was everyone. Yeah. It's like you got to know how to combine certain parts of your disability and make them work. And once you figure out that part, mental conditioning, but it takes a long, long, long time. Do you ever get burnt out? Yes. You get burnt out behind this place. There was times I wanted to throw this out a window. Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time, this is expensive. Yeah. You can spend hours down here and it can lose track of time. Yeah. So it's like, it does affect you. Rap is, it's a creative artistry form, but I feel it's like a competitive sport too. So when you're in these situations, you are very kind of, it could be very stressful too. You could be burned out. You can wake up and you're like your voice and feel like, right? You wake up with headaches. You got to take a moment to take a minute, breathe it out. It can be very, it could be taxing on you mentally too. That's by the same time, that's why you're conditioned too. So it's like when you're, the part of the mental conditioning is that now you got to deal with detents. Sometimes when I breathe behind the mic, it isn't just to catch my breath, but to slow my heart rate. Yeah. Yeah. Just slow my heart rate or to kind of slow the way your brain's thinking and adjust it to a BPM. I find it, I've had a really interesting sort of the dynamic of the creative industry because the people who, we know that people are more creative when they're relaxed, when they're a bit kind of slow, they're not rushed. Whereas like things like, you know, the music industry and even to be honest, even things like related to social media and the YouTube, it's kind of like, you have to be creative, but you also have to do it quickly. Or as quick as you can. Or you just kind of like, you know, it's like every day for me, I have to like come up with a new idea for a post and a reel and then try and sort out my videos and edit that to get that in and talk to this person. And it seems like everything's just, you know, the creativity in me needs like a space to just like breathe and just like jot things down on my notes. But we live such a fast paced lifestyle. Sometimes it's hard to get that time. Yeah. So it's like, it's very, so with hip hop, it could be very fast paced. And so when it comes to even when I'm at the stage, I'm at the mic behind it. I don't do this every time, but like when, let us say I'm in a high prayer situation, I always wear a pair of sunglasses and a hat to kind of help keep myself focused in the zone. This is because I find, I find camera cameras daunting. I find the stage lights kind of daunting too. It could get to you because you're in such a high, that situation. When you're in that situation right before you go on stage, I can't sit still. I'm breathing it out. I'm like bouncing on the balls of my feet. Yeah. And it's like you're getting ready to... It's going for a fight. It's basically like you're conditioned to fight in that moment. And so I do my thing, do my set, and it's done for. But just the pressure that builds up. So every time I go up on stage, I'm always wearing... I'm going to show this right now. So this, this to me is like putting on armor. So you always like kind of yourself a bit ready. I might take off my headphones for a second. But you couldn't put your hoodie up, but you get the damn point. Yeah, yeah. So it's like... It's kind of like mental conditioning, isn't it? When I put this stuff on, now it's time to go. And it's like, yeah. It's time to get up on a stage now. Yeah, yeah. But I think there's a lot in utility and like sensory things like sunglasses. I would say just always carry them around now because any moment could just be, they could tell you to freestyle right there. Yeah. And you just got to, you got to be ready to be conditioned right there. And then it's not like I have like a, it's not like I ever have a calm day with it. Well, I do, but when I'm out in public or whatever, like, well, it depends. If I'm just with the homies and it's a small little circle, I get freestyle without this on. Yeah. But when I'm on like a stage situation or like a venue situation, I put it on. I found it really interesting listening to you talk about it because it's, you know, as you're speaking about your experiences with your music career, I'm constantly making links to like my experiences as an athlete. Like it was the same for me. Like I just, there's been a lot of times actually before going on and fighting. I, I had panic attacks. I had meltdowns. I, you know, like my, my, my GI tracks was like on fire like pretty much every single time for a competition. And the noises were awful. The lights are so bright. I wish I could have worn sunglasses. Like there's so many aspects to like actually going out there and doing it. That was so hard. It was the training that I found quite like this, the training that I liked mostly. I like fight, I like fighting and competing. And, you know, it gave me passion and a reason to do the training, but the actual experience of the, the environment was like very, very, I don't want to say triggering. So I don't like that word, but triggering is probably. I love hip hop though. Despite all this I went through. I love being a rap. I have a passion for this. I have a lot of respect for the old heads that came before me. Some of the people who train me to do this and have the patience to. Yeah. So for me, I, I love what I do at the end of the day. It's just, it could be a lot on yourself too. Just seeing that this was something that I started with a USB mic and dollar. I'm a headphones to now having all the humble beginnings, all of this. And we are, and just having stories of the pros just building makeshift recording studios. And at the same time though, it was a chill side of the environment to like, I can't drink when I'm, when I'm rapping because it just affects your focus behind the mic. Yeah. Or like, it slows your brain down, doesn't it? It slows your brain a bit and whatever. So you need a bit or it's either you're drinking and you're like, have like a glass of water right next to you. Yeah. And so even then it's probably like a light beer. Yeah. So it's like, I, I enjoy it at the end of it. I would say my favorite parts of being in rap and hip hop, I would say is when you're performing, you feel it and that you got that fire in you to make that one of the best moments you had. And also just, I would say seeing it's like, Hey bro, you killed it tonight. Yeah. You killed it tonight. And there are some situations too where I'd be at like a store, whatever, just chilling with myself and one of the other men to recognize me from a bar would ever be like, Hey, I saw you perform, perform a while back. And it's like, I got to get double take. Nice. Where are those, where are those men from? And it has turned into a shaking hands, talking it out for a bit. And that's probably it. So I would say at the end of it all, I enjoy what I do and what I make from it and everything that I feel like with anything that's worth fighting for in life, it's never easy. Nothingness. And in a way too, there's that I say to myself from my dish, from being a dishwasher on my line cook. Now there's times in my back in my head where it's like, it's either a life in the pit or life trying to go get it. Yeah, like it. Awesome. Did you ever do some like mental conditioning for fighting or anything? Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of the mental conditioning for me was just like, I used to go really hard on the training. Like, I probably have a trains like a lot. And I didn't eat much because I had to stay in like a weight category. I used to go out and like, when everyone was off for some holidays, kind of going out and meeting up and partying and stuff, I'd be like writing myself like a free session a day program. I'm like, I wore myself out so much of that time, but I just always just kept like going and grinding it. And I think knowing that I did as much as I could really helped like with my mind and it's like, well, I've done everything that I can for this, everything that I feel like I can. So yeah, I suppose the mental conditioning I think is a big part. I think also stepping back a little bit from the results of what happened and rather, you know, highlighting the things that I'm getting better at and getting good at getting worse at maybe and sort of adjusting because, you know, a lot of the competitions that I did were at the local level. Yeah. I did do the international stuff and the sort of the big competitions, but the local level stuff I needed to kind of take a step back. So like, okay, I don't really need to win this. I can just practice a couple of things in like actual competition and go for it. But I don't think I ever got the whole keep myself calm thing. I think I always really struggled. But the funny thing was is that everyone that saw me in competition, they were like, oh, you're like the chillest dude in the venue. You're like, you look so relaxed and confident. I'm like, really? So I just like, I feel like I need to go puke and like rock back and forth in the toilet. That's me sometimes. I have this weird thing where it's I'll be in such high pressure situations and I'll be like, yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. You just kind of like, it's funny. It's funny in a sense because I could beat a bit in wrestling too. And that was like a category thing too, where it was. I did. I did not do the weight stuff very well at all. I hardly anything. I was like, I'm at this high. I'm about six free away about 100 kilos. And I was the same height back then, but I weighed 72 kilos. So I was like a skeleton. Geez. It's all about it's a bit of taekwondo. It's all about like point scoring. So the longer legs that you can have for the weight class, the better. Mostly. But yeah, I've really, really, really enjoyed chatting to you. And I think it's, you know, it's always interesting to hear the stories of autistic people, ADHD people, sort of doing different, taking different routes in life. It's always really great to kind of get an insight into, you know, how life is for other people chasing different things. And I've really enjoyed, really enjoyed chatting to you. So I guess usually at the end of the podcast, I would kind of ask people for a song of the day. So if you wanted to do redemption, you could, you could do that. I don't know if you want to put maybe the parental advisor sticker on this one because of how much I, it's kind of crazy too, because when I'm around other like autistic people or men's are diagnosed to, we think a lot of neurotypicals are too soft. Yeah. And we had this thing about us where we're like, we'll both each other too. Like we were always like kind of, we had a different way that went out. So, so you find humor in different things. We kind of were a bunch of smile to the bull kind of people. Like yes, we thought we were being bull. Did we knew it? Because there was a bunch of other things that have been during all this and everything too, like political stuff and my area and we just kind of just sit back and we were like laughing of it and just getting it all together too. In terms like music too, I had family, my family sent music for years. My mom was a church singer. So was my nonna. So, but at the same time, I was just too crazy. So some of the day we're going to go with redemption and that will be in the 40 40 podcast son of the day playlist on Spotify. If you want to go check it out, we've got all of the songs from previous guests as well as today's guest, SD flame. I've got one final question to ask you before we wrap things up. Have you enjoyed your time on the 40 40 podcast? My first podcast interview ever did. This is your first one. Yes, it is. It's my first podcast interview ever did. I did a small press run and I have like two articles made about me. One's back in the programs, the one they did in a local news page. Well, you better you better blow up because then the episode is going to get like. I'm sure you will. I see a lot of like potential and stuff in your music and I like it. Yeah, really great to talk to you, man. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day. And to everybody listening, I hope you've enjoyed this episode. And if you want to get in contact, the contact details as always is. Well, you can go through my. So if you have enjoyed this episode, make sure to head over to my links. They're all always down below. You can check out the podcast on multiple different streaming services, Apple, Google, Spotify, and of course the video version over on YouTube. Thomas Henley. That's where it is. And if you want to stay up to date with the stuff that I'm doing, maybe you want to check out the blog blog articles, the reels. All of my social medias are at Thomas Henley UK, apart from YouTube. And if you want to get in contact with me to perhaps be on the podcast or to get me to do some training, public speaking, coaching, anything like that, go over to my website, Thomas Henley.co.uk and you'll be able to find a contact card on that page. Are there any links that you want to share about SD? For my link tree, for my Instagram, Spotify. If y'all like what you hear, I promise you, I'm releasing more. Come on. I'm trying to get my TikTok going again. I'm trying to get everything together. Went through a minor setback, but I want to like do more with it too and like be more open. That was like one thing I challenged myself to be on this podcast today. Be more open about my life. I really appreciate that. And it's really great to hear, especially if there's people who are watching sort of up and coming who are thinking of perhaps getting into an industry like the music industry. I'm sure your words and experiences have done a lot for them. I'd say my advice to any autistic person who wants to do what I do, I would say start with believing your own creativity. At the same time, realize your talent, but be willing to take criticism, learn to learn from criticism and start small, invest small before you end up getting way more into this and start blowing more money into this. That's just my advice to anyone who's watching this and wants to get into music and also the internet can help you too, but also connect with your local scene. Cool, man. Thank you very much for that. And with that, I hope you all have a very lovely day and I'll see you in the next episode of the 40 Autie Podcast. See you later, folks. Thanks. I appreciate having me.