 Have you noticed that traditional relationships seem like the thing of the past? Let's face it the dating marketplace and I call it a marketplace because that's literally what it's become is a total mess I mean, it's very challenging to connect with people unlike in the past When we oftentimes met people in our workplace, maybe the town or village we lived in it was much easier Maybe it was our college. Maybe our school and now the landscape of dating has changed so much that it makes it difficult To determine if someone legitimately want something legitimately want something serious or something casual And it's rather sad to think that dating has become a shit show. I'm just gonna call it for what it is So I think it's important to explore. Why is this the case? Is it the dating apps is the problem? Is it the swipe dating apps? Is it because there's this paradox of choice? Is it because people are unconscious? Is it because people can hide behind the screen? Is that part of the problem with connecting with people who are serious versus those are casual? Is it because of the hookup culture? Is that part of the problem? Is it so easy and I'm please forgive this analogy whether it relates or not Can you you get the milk for free instead of buying the cow? Is that it? Are these part of the problem? Is there something deeper underneath that causes Human beings to give mixed signals and this is true. Listen, I lady and my audience is women So I get it you'd like to point the finger at man, but I want you know There's always three fingers pointing back at you ladies. You're no picnic either. You give mixed signals all the time It's very confusing for us men because quite frankly. It's confusing Because there I mean if there is because this overwhelm of perceived choice and and dysfunctionality So let's go under the surface. Why does this happen? Why do men give mixed signals and or why do men and women give mixed signals? Well, I think it's really important to address that Childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas cause humans beings to be rather dysfunctional in their dating lives and repeat that human beings are rather dysfunctional in their dating lives And if you haven't seen my chart now, it's gonna take me a second to find it because it's buried here, you know There's basically emotional maturity and relationship skills for most humans is weak And if you haven't seen my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills, I want you to note here It says this is merely this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues Borderline personality bipolar Narcissism these are things that are diagnosed issues and while I say over here 20% of the population is healthy That's being ridiculously generous because most everybody is dysfunctional So is there any wonder if a human being is rather dysfunctional that they might operate in characteristics that isn't consistent You know, we all love the idea of people with character and integrity actions matching words Of course, that sounds great But if you've had childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas like divorce and divorce for those of us in midlife is An unraveling of the tapestry of our old life and oftentimes it's a contentious experience Ladies I hear you complain all the time about your ex-husbands Well, men complain all the time about their ex-wives and Maybe you can find the truth in the middle of that and Childhood wounds and traumas folks There's a picture of my mom and dad. Okay. This was when they were in their 20s My mom blessed her heart. She she she was a loving person But anytime she was upset at my dad my brother or I she would withdraw love from us She'd stonewall she would literally go silent for days and I'm a little 12 year old boy going mommy Love me mommy love me mommy love me when she abandoned us and imagine how this wears on a human being and I'm just one example of that It created an anxious attachment style with me within me if you're not familiar with love attachment style I highly recommend checking out the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller To understand the difference between anxious avoidant and secure attachment styles and Also another dysfunctionality within humans men and women alike as we gravitate to partners that are unhealthy for us Because we're trying to heal a childhood wound within our parents Why do women choose bad boys? It's because their daughter or excuse me their father was most likely Disfunctional in his life and if you're not familiar with the book getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hut I highly recommend you check this out so you can learn about the Amago The Amago means mirror imaging its image We we choose based on our our upbringing our imprinting So is it any wonder when we choose the wrong partner for us? We're going to give mixed signals because one side of us wants one thing But we're fighting against the other side that's trying to heal a wound and yet so often Women as well as men throw the other person under the bust is lacking character lacking integrity When a lot of this is so ingrained in us It's so ingrained that it's difficult unless you've done the healing work To actually improve your personality to improve your negative patterns and limiting beliefs This is why I continually recommend the book the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas Which actually frees you from making poor choices and Most of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel a good about myself Ladies, I'm sorry on some level you you operate from a biological instinctual perspective of Dependency on men throughout throughout caveman history up until about 50 or 60 years ago Women were predominantly dependent upon men for survival. So no wonder it's ingrained in you And yet it makes you such beautiful human beings because your nurturers your givers your agreeable personalities are great and Yet it sets you up for failure because if you choose the wrong man You might give your heart to the wrong human being the man who's not capable of going serious He might only be capable of casual and if you need some help with that check out this link Jonathan as light Dot-com free call to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you I help you learn how to ask the right questions To determine based on your personality determine if he's the right fit for you Listen, I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bearig of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone Pat a teddy bear pillow and give inner them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives