 Men can't stop thinking about you when you say this and we're gonna talk about several ways you can actually bond with a man that you may not have thought about before and you might actually already be doing this and yet I would prefer you do this with consciousness. So we're gonna explore this. Now, before we dive into this, we have to examine human behavior for a moment, particularly in the capacity to give and receive love because ultimately, well, let me ask you, have you ever felt fear when you cared for someone but you didn't know how they felt about you? This is a very common experience for both men and women alike and I think there's some variety of reasons why this occurs and I think it's best that we explore this so we can understand how a person can be thinking about you all the time, what needs to be going on in their life to be prepared to receive the love you give. Now, I think it's important to recognize that when I talk, if you've been following my channel for a while or you're brand new, I will talk about something called childhood wounds and adult traumas. Now, when we think of childhood wounds, we oftentimes think of emotional or physical abuse a child might have experienced or some significant trauma that might cause them to have behaviors and patterns that are either clinical or unhealthy or dysfunctional. And yet the reality is, is the average human being who even had loving parents experienced childhood trauma. And lately I've been exploring the idea of separation anxiety and that's when a child feel when the mother or father leaves their space that child feels a tremendous amount of anxiety through that separation and why this is so critically important to understand because this relates to human pair bonding as we age is that we could have experienced some wounds in our childhood that causes to have negative patterns limiting beliefs in our life and might make it difficult for actually us to bond with another person on particularly talking about the man that you wish to bond with through these words I'm about to share with you. Now, I wanna share with you all something that I experienced in childhood that might illustrate this for some of you. I was a rather rambunctious hyper child growing up according to my sister. I have a sister who's nine years older than me and she was one of my primary caretakers but she said my mother had difficulty controlling me. And so one of the things she did was she put me in a playpen. Here's a picture of Jonathan when he was a couple years old in the playpen. Can you see that? There I am. There's a picture of me in the side as well. Now, why this is so critically important is you know playpens are relatively new in the scheme of human evolution, right? Most children had the freedom to run around up until probably several hundred years ago there were no things called playpens. And yet that playpen was a way my mother could control me and whenever I was acting out, okay? And I happened to see a video of a family gathering we had at a picnic with a group of lots of other children and my mother put me in the playpen to control me because I was being rambunctious. Okay, why is this so important to understand? See the number one emotional health issue facing most every human being is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable and believe it or not, our parents unbeknownst to them did things to us that stripped away at our wellbeing, our self-worth, our self-esteem. Every time we were told no, they were trying to mold and control us to conform to some sort of either societal expectation or an emotional expectation because the reality is is children can be rather rambunctious. And so I want to invite everyone to recognize and the reason why I'm bringing this up is that I think it's important to have compassion for everybody who's in the dating marketplace. Sadly, I witness so many women point the finger at men. I see so many men pointing the finger at women as they are the problem without simply taking ownership in their life. And so no wonder we have a contentious dating marketplace and God forbid someone acts disingenuous to you. Most likely they have childhood wounds and adult traumas that have gone unhealed. And there's a saying that says hurt people, hurt people. I was rather traumatized in my childhood. You know, it occurs to me that every time a child cries, they're experiencing trauma. Think about that for a moment. They peed in their pants, they're experiencing trauma. I know, maybe I'm being overreactive by saying this, but I really wonder because no psychologist knows what's going on in the mind of a two-year-old, a three-year-old, a four-year-old, a five-year-old, a six-year-old. Nobody knows, you can't interview them in the same cognitive way you can an adult. And why this is so important is because many people don't have a capacity to experience love. In fact, men in particular can feel rather scared because love represents too much responsibility on an emotional level and also a physical level. Certainly we men want companionship and connection and sex, but that ultimate commitment requires going that extra step in loving someone, and sadly many people struggle with this and many women do as well. So I think it's rather important to recognize that if you want a significant relationship, look, I get we need to feel some sort of connection with someone. We call this terminology chemistry. We need that level of connection. Otherwise, you know, you're just not as enthusiastic about it. You know, you don't feel horny unless you feel a connection for someone. Beyond a connection, I think it's important in the dating process to be intentional. See, most people today are dating cavalierly and with that cavalier attitude, that ambivalent attitude, we have ships crossing in the night all the time. And then add to that, we need a level of compatibility. Not everybody is compatible with one another. Some people have strong ideologies, even like in the political sense, in the religious sense, and that's gonna conflict with somebody else that has different points of view. And I'm not here to suggest that, you know, opposites can't work out, but alignment works out much better. Especially when you have a person who's emotionally grown up and also introspective, a person who can take ownership of their life and their experience. And I'm gonna tell you something, ladies, you're no picnic at this either. Many of you just, it's fascinating how we humans set ourselves apart to be better than everyone else. And yet the same time, we feel less than and everyone else. It's just a really interesting paradox. I am not a religious person, so I don't believe in what I'm about to say, but you know, I wonder if God was a cosmic joke, he created humans so he can be sitting there laughing at our behavior because it's rather comical to witness human behavior. And at the same time, it's rather sad because oftentimes we do the most harm to ourselves on an emotional level. And at the end of the day, most human beings just wanna be, they wanna be liked. They just wanna be liked. Did you ever see the movie, The Breakfast Club? If you haven't, it's a 1980s movie with Molly Ringwald, judge, oh wait, oh my God, not judge, oh my God, Emilio Estevez and Michael Anthony Hall and who is the other woman? And oh my God, Bender was the one I'm thinking of, God dang it, I can't remember his name. Okay, so you remember the movie, The Breakfast Club? These are five different kids stuck in a room at detention for an entire Saturday afternoon. And they each had their own level of experience in high school. And while Molly Ringwald was the popular girl, Bender was the guy that would smoke cigarettes and smoke pop behind the library. He had the nerd, you had the jock. I don't know the last one and I can't think of her name. She was the basket case. And what they find during their course of getting to know each other during this detention that at the core, each one of them just wanted to be liked. He just wanted to be liked for who they were. At a core level, every human being just wants to be liked. And yet, sadly, many of us don't feel that way. So my invitation for everyone watching this video and the title is Men Can't Stop Thinking About You when you say this. I invite you in the early stages of dating to say the following words to a man. And the following words are this. I like you. I like you. I like how you think. I like the kind way that you touch me. I like how I feel when I'm with you. I like you. Now, not every man is gonna be able to receive that. Like I said earlier, there's a significant percentage of the population that struggles with receiving genuine appreciation, genuine praise. When you say you like someone, you're saying, I appreciate you. When you say you like someone, you're praising them for who they are. At the core, that's what we all want. You want that. I want that. Everybody wants that. And why I'm sharing this with you is I remember some years ago, I was on a date with a woman and she said, I like you. And I thought about that and it really touched me deeply in my heart to feel liked by another human being. See, it's interesting. Many of you know, there's a picture of my two boys, Collin and Connor. Many of you know I lost a child five years ago. And when I gave his eulogy, and by the way, I know many of you can consider the loss. Oh, Allie Shevey was the woman I couldn't think of and I can't remember the guy's name. Judd Nelson. John, okay, someone wrote down for me. So Allie Shevey, Judd Nelson. Okay, so I'm coming back to my son. This is critically important, so pay attention. When I was giving his eulogy, I thought to myself, most parents love their children. I used to say, my mother used to say, I'd give my right arm to my kids and I felt the same way. And so with deep love, I felt sincere pain but it wasn't just the love that was missing is that I like both my boys. I like them. I like who they are. I appreciate them. I praise them. I'm grateful for being in their orbit. I like who they are as people. And so why I'm bringing this up is we can love someone we don't like. Many of us can love people we don't like. Raise your hand if you've loved someone. And I don't mean be in love but I'm sure you love some family members you don't like and you have some friends that you love that you don't like. Think about it. You can love someone you don't like but can you be in love with someone that you don't like? See, when we use the word I like you as I said a moment ago, it's a demonstration of praise. It's a demonstration of appreciation. I think at the core, we all want to feel liked. And so many of you who are out in the dating marketplace struggle with bonding with a man you're with. And by the way, this is a very common experience. Men and women struggle at truly bonding at a core level. That level of when we think of love, we think of really, we think of the word, we think of bonding, we think of trust. And trust is, does this person, trust isn't just about fidelity and being true to your word. Trust is, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? Does this person have my best interest at heart? See, that's the real bonding what I think causes us to think about our partner all the time. And that happens through what I believe is deep friendship, deep friendship when you can be friends with each other. Friends means, I want you to think about your best friend right now. I want you to think about your best friend right now. Is your best friend someone you could say most anything to? I know women in a relationship that say they love their man and they don't feel comfortable to being their true authentic self to them because they don't actually have genuine friendship as the foundation of their relationship. How do you build friendship? Social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in your personal and your professional life. Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, yes. These are all ways to build a deeper friendship with a person because when you're friends with a man or you're friends with a woman you can't stop thinking about them. I remember in my 20s when it was, I had several, excuse me, my nose is really itchy. I had several close friends we'd go out every Friday and Saturday night, but I was like, I couldn't stop thinking about getting together with my friends, getting together with my friends, getting together with my friends, getting together, I couldn't wait for Friday and Saturday night because we had a deep core friendship with one another. It's one of the reasons why I think many of us love the movie when Mary met Sally. They had a deep core friendship for one another. He couldn't stop thinking about her because it was the safe person I could talk to on a regular basis. And so when you want to get a man to think about you all the time, I invite you to explore the areas and say things like, I like you. I like you. I like being with you. I like who you are as a person. I like the way you think. I like the way you smell. I like the way you touch me. It takes the pressure off of the word love too. At the same time, I invite every single one of you to really explore if you're in a relationship right now, do you have a core friendship with this person? Because ultimately, you speak to anybody who's been married for a long, long time. They almost every single person says the same thing. I married my best friend. And that didn't mean they were best friends who got married. They got married and developed a strong French. They either developed it before they got married or during the marriage, they developed a strong friendship for one another. You know, in the movie, The Breakfast Club, the fear is when they went their separate ways they wouldn't remain friends for some of them. I know the nerd was concerned about that. And certainly even Bender was fearful that he would be rejected by the elite Molly Ringwald kind of thing. Because at the core, they wanna just be friends with one. I mean, at the core, we human beings want to be liked. We certainly wanna be loved. Of course, we want to be loved. But more importantly, I wanna be liked. And as I said earlier, the core wounds most every one of us are experiences. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable. This is why I'm such a big proponent. Everybody read my book. What the heck is self love anyway? Journey of Personal Development, Self Health and Spiritual Work, okay? There's a link below to get the copy of all the books I recommend on this video. But this is the foundational piece when we can begin to like and love ourselves. We become a magnetic attractor. We become a magnetic attractor for what we want in our lives. And I'm here to say, look, it is the hunger games out there dating. It is a sea of dysfunctionality. This is why I coach. And by the way, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. I'm here to help put the odds in your favor because I believe every single one of you. I believe you have the power to shift your life. If your life isn't going the way you wish right now, both in your personal life and your romantic life, I believe you have the capacity to make change every single one of us has that capacity. So you have the odds of putting it in your favor. If you do, the personal development, self-help spiritual works, the romantic therapy, all these little practices. I've been at this for a decade and a half, folks. I'm still scratching the surface because like I said in the beginning of this broadcast, my mother and father didn't mean to wound me. They've tried to do their best, but I'm gonna tell you something. Every minute of your life is an experience. And as a child, we don't comprehend adult decisions in the same capacity as our adult parents did. And they didn't realize that all of their wounding was being imprinted on us. My mother didn't mean to wound me. My father didn't mean to wound me, but yet I am a makeup of their experiences. And I'm now peeling as many of the layers that doesn't serve me. And as I was talking earlier about separation anxiety, I suffer deeply from fear. I do. It is something that I work on and I navigate and I nurture and love myself, but I suffer from it. It was imparted upon me, not by my choice. I don't choose to be afraid of things. It just happens. And I know what men are supposed to be stoic. Well, just tough it out. You're not a real man, Jonathan. A real man knows how to stuff his emotions. You know, most of those real men die at a very young age because they've been stuffing their emotions. I'm very flamboyant with my emotions. Hence why I'm sometimes called a chick. I don't know how many times I've been told I'm a wimp, I'm a simp, I'm feminine. That's their projection of me. I share all this with you because guess what? We're all in the same boat. This thing called life isn't easy. It isn't fair, but it's not unfair either. And we all have the power within us or at least everyone who's watching this video. Read the books like, look at all these books behind me. I'm gonna share a few in a video and there's a link below to get many of the ones I recommend that will make a difference in your life. And I invite you all to do the inner work so you can have an amazing outer experience. Who here agrees with me? If this resonates with you, please let me know. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on all this. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And if you wanna connect with me, there's a link below. Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram. Get the books I recommend. Get my dating vows. It's all in the show notes. The links are there. You can click them. It's easy, all right? I'd love to connect with you. All right, so we're live right now. So if you have a question, there's a little chat box in the corner there. If you're watching on your phone, it's right below you. In that chat box, if you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Again, that's a picture of him in there. My son who passed away in his honor. We donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute. Just to name a few and our goal tonight is $50. And to start us off, Stamp for Secret has just given us a $20 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Rebel Tontrick says, thank you, Jonathan. Marianne Stewart says, this conversation is nailing it 100%. Well, thank you so much. So, but while I'm waiting for questions to pop in, oh, Lighthouse says, J.A., that's what healing the inner child is. The part of it is to forgive your parents. Also, we all own our personality. Not everything is our parents fault. I agree. I don't blame my parents for everything. I don't absolve them for some of the shitty behavior, but I don't blame them for my makeup in life. I'm just aware that their imprinting affects me. Debbie wants to know, what if you tell him you like him and he doesn't believe you? Well, you see, remember I said earlier, a significant percentage of men struggle with receiving love. They really do. They might want your companionship connection and sex, but it doesn't mean that they're capable of going all in. By the way, I shot a video for this Sunday. I talk about men who are capable of going all in. So just a little heads up. All right, Anika's in the house. How do most men actually prepare for divine partnership that's juicy, delicious relationship? Well, actually I would say very few men prepare for it. So how does a man prepare for a divine partnership? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. You know, if a man has read the book by Gary Zukoff, Spiritual Partnership, he's preparing for a divine partnership. Now that's the exception, not the rule. Somebody has to most likely have done personal development, self-help, spiritual work therapy to be able to recognize that their negative patterns and limiting beliefs might block them from attracting the kind of love or relationship that. First, they have to want a divine partnership. Let's be clear. And most men aren't aware of the concept of divine partnership without doing some work. So first, doing the work. You know, if there's another book, where is, here? I don't love all of Data Data's principles, but there's a great book. I haven't talked about this in a long time. It's called Intimate Communion by David Data. Now, I'm not in 100% agreement everything in this book, although there is a section in there. It talks about the types of partnerships and relationships. I would definitely recommend reading this book, Anika, that might help you get some clarity on that. And again, a man has to want a divine partnership and then do the individual work and then also learning how to hold space for a woman. You have to want, you have to want partnership. Like, if you don't want it, because the part of the wanting it is the recognition that we might have to be flexible because most humans don't think identical with one another. You have to recognize, like Allison Armstrong says, women are seeking hairy version of themselves and it just doesn't work. So it's really having a sense of grace, a sense of understanding, a sense of agreeableness. Okay. By the way, if anyone wants to join me live on the hot seat, I just put a link up. You can join me live on the hot seat, okay? Let's keep going. Carolyn's in the house. Why do people leave when you left? Wait, why do people leave you when you left a good job? I suspect my, you know, maybe a fear of not being able to bring in financial resources. You know, the reality is whether you're a man or woman, money is how we survive. So if someone has left possibly a good paying job, you know, that there might be a fear that you may not be able to bring in the resources. That's, I mean, I would need more details, but that's kind of my first thought to that. One of our Facebook member groups, by the way, there's a link below to join my group called Midlife Love Max 3. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis. Including our Facebook group. One of our members talks about heart to heart. This is something I'm gonna talk about in my video coming out on Sunday, which is in a couple of days. So, hey, so anyway, yes, that relates to that. All right. Carrie in the house. Kara. Hi. You're brave to get on the hot seat. I know. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I'm doing this. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. All right. Give me some love right now. What do you want to work on? Oh, I, oh my gosh. I don't even look right. I'm just so embarrassed. Oh, whoops. Ha ha ha ha. All right. I need you to get it together, Kara. I need you to get it together. Okay. So, yeah. I just, a couple of months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel like he used me. Okay. Ooh, this is gonna be a juicy conversation. Yeah, I worked for, I don't want to say we're company because. This is live public. So, you know, I'd keep it to yourself. So, why do you think you got used? Tell me that. Well, he liked me for the status of the type of job I had. Okay. So you were the one who posted about the leaving a good job. Yes. So. Wait, wait. So let me be clear. He ended the relationship because you left your job. That's the exact reason he gave you. Okay. Let me ask you a few questions. How long were you two dating? Four months. But I knew him back in 1994. He was married. I was married. He came to my wedding back in the day in 97 and we reconnected. Okay. So you had a past experience with him. You reconnected. You dated for four months. How long did you date before you were physically intimate with each other? Like the first night? Just be, just own it. It was a second date. Okay. Okay. By the way. It's okay. By the way, I mean, but if you follow my channel, you know, do your due diligence before the penis gets like my finer. I'm trying to do on this thing. Just leave the phone alone. Just put it down. I know it just keeps falling down. I'm like, oh my gosh. All right. So let's keep going here. So you ended a good job and he said, I'm going to leave you because you left your good job. Those are the exact words. No, he didn't say that. He just, it just. So you're projecting. That's what it was. What was his exact words for leaving? He said, I'm dramatic. Okay. So wait a minute. Okay. By the way, I'm going to be talking to everybody in the camera here, Kara. So just please understand something. This is a perfect example of how human beings gaslight themselves because he said you're being dramatic and you said he left you because of your job. Well, it was, you know, he always showed up. You know, he tell everybody, you know, introduce me as his girlfriend and say, oh, this is what she does for a living. I'm like, why do people have to do that? I am, I wasn't that born as that person with that job. Okay, fair enough. So. Well, maybe he was proud of you. Well, he was, but, you know, okay, so I leave the job and why now is it that, you know, I'm not that special person. Well, no, he gave you a reason. You're dramatic. So own it. Are you dramatic? Well, I'm Cuban descent. So. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that one more time. Okay, but no, no, no, no. I'm first generation Cubans. Okay, I get it. You got a spicy Latina spirit within you, but for him, it might have been that there was, okay, and that, by the way, there was a meme I posted. It said, it said, the meme said, I think you're a bit too much in the woman's response, then go find somebody less. I think you're a bit too much. Like he's saying to you, you're a bit too much and your response is go find somebody less. Well, he wants to be with somebody who's subservient. I'm not gonna do that. Okay, so, all right, so now this is another. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So that's another thing because you said he left you for a job. Now you're saying, well, he wants someone subservient. So A, he didn't appreciate your spicy Latina, you know, character, if you will. He also wanted somebody that would submit to him. So that's not, he left you for the job. So why are you attaching yourself to this idea he left you for the job? Is it because he introduced you and would introduce you and say this is what she does for, by the way, can you tell us what you actually do for a living? I'm unemployed right now. Okay, how long have you been unemployed? One day. Okay, okay. Wow, how did he, okay, now this is fascinating. How did he affect your job? So what job did you have when you were with him? Should I say it? The job is not the company you work for. I mean, unless you're a CIA agent or a- Okay, I was a flight attendant. Flight attendant, okay. Well, yeah, that's something cool. That's a cool job. Not anymore. There's no sexiness, there's no glamour, no sexiness of there anymore. So, but I don't believe that, but let's get to the real root of this because you have this belief that that was the reason and then you're instead of actually observing what was possibly going on. First off, you knew of him 20, 30 years ago. Let's put that in a box. And because of that, when you got together with him, you felt a sense of familiarity. You felt a sense of safety. You felt that he wasn't a stranger. Does that feel true for you? Yes. Okay, so, which is a very common experience when we, by the way, I reconnected with a high school friend of mine just a few months ago. And it was like, we were best friends and we hadn't seen each other in 40 years, but because we had this built in, kind of almost family structure because we came from the same high school. There was this built in familiarity. As the two of you began engaging in your relationship, he began noticing things most likely that didn't align with him. I had nothing to do with your job. And again, some men are incapable of receiving someone's love or being able to navigate their emotions in the way they operate as a human being. And in addition, there are plenty of, how old is this man, by the way? 65. 65. Well, he is of the generation that women are subservient to men. He's of that tail end baby boom generation that was raised with that certain ideology. I'm not saying it's all men of that age bracket. It just happens to be a significant men. So why do you feel used? Because you said I was used. Why do you feel used? You know, our first meeting together, I kept telling him it's a meeting, it's not gonna be a date. And I met him, he says, you're gonna fall, he's so, he says, you're gonna fall in love with me in within two months. Like he's so. Oh shit, I've said the same thing. Come on, that's just being a guy. I mean, he's just being a guy. Guys, listen, some of the reasons why you like us is because we're bold, we're brash, we have peacock feathers. It's rather, I mean, it obviously worked because you had sex with them the second date. So. I know it's not that great. Let's not disparage the sex. I'm not gonna talk about it. So he was a little bit, why do you feel used? Let's get to the core of this one. Why did you feel used? I don't know. I can't even think right now. I'm like in between jobs right now and. Yeah. I just let it go. By the way, here's what being used is. When somebody is intentionally manipulating you, I highly doubt he was intentionally manipulating you. Well, he wanted me to dress a certain way and I'm very concerned. That's by the way, that's making a request. Okay, so I'm trying to go with me here for a second. So he made a request, I'd like you to dress this way. That's not using a person, that's making a request. No, I'm just throwing that out. Yeah, I know, but that's not being used. You can say no, you have the power to say no. If you abdicate your power, then of course you're going to feel used because you gave your power to someone else. And most humans don't like to be told what to do. But if you gave them the right to tell you what to do, that's on you, it's not on him. That's my problem. Ah, let's go, huh? Well, that's my problem. I've always given other people my power. Ah, well, so now we're getting to the root of things. I just get it together. Gosh, thank you so much. Well, listen, here's the thing. Being a grown up, you can't blame your parents anymore. You can't go back and say it's for some other reasons. You're a grown up at this point in your life, okay? You have the power within you. You have the power within you to make better choices for yourself. The question is, are you gonna make a stand for your sovereignty? Are you gonna make a stand for your power? And during this time off, so now you have this gift of time off. Hopefully you have enough resources to financially support yourself while you're on this break. This is a great time to do inner work. So you don't give your power away. Not that I'm in love with the book I'm about to share with you, but this book, what's that title say? Read it. I love that. Okay, so bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. I don't wanna be a bitch, no. Babe in total control of herself, yes. I invite you to, just like the animated cartoon He-Man, I have the power. I want you to take back your power. Okay. All right, Karam. Can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic shot, the bear hug? Thank you. Oh, thank you back, thanks so much. Bye. All right, bye now. Bye now. Lisa's in the house. Hi, hi, Jonathan. Hi. I live in LA, so I'm driving, I have to be driving. Okay. So, I already know the answers. He was emotionally unavailable. I went on a couple of dates with a man and he ended up ghosting me, but his parents are in the hospital so I'm giving him a break thinking. He's got family. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Time out, Lisa. Okay, when you say he ghosted you, first off, let's get some clarity. How many, how long have you been dating him? Just, we went on two dates and so we've known each other four weeks. Okay, so you've gone on two dates, you've known each other four weeks and he has, and when was the last time you heard from him? Eight days ago. Eight days ago. And eight days ago was the last time the two of you communicated. Was that telephone, physically, or texting? I called him, he picked up the phone super quick panicking saying my dad went back in the hospital and I said, okay, well, just call me when you're free and that was the last conversation I had. Okay, so he's, like, okay, you know I lost a child, right? Okay, when you lose somebody in your life, is it possible that they can be preoccupied with what's going on? Absolutely. So when you said I got ghosted, you're talking about, you're in victim consciousness, you've been victimized. Oh my God, he ghosted me. He's been so cruel to me. And yet, his dad is the one. That was me, my question. This is where my question comes from. So I agree with you 100%. 100% I agree with you. Wait, I'm sorry, can you say that one more time? I couldn't hear you. I agree with you 100%. Okay. And I agree that I am working on that victim-ness, because I did come from an abusive relationship, but I'm not bringing that up. My question is, there is also, I understand there's emotion, but I'm not asking for anything, but why don't, I think that someone deserves, hey, a quick text or a quick message or a quick two minute call saying listen, let's not, let's put this on hold right now. My parents are really sick. I don't have, you know, this is not in my, in my best interest. We communicated really well up until at eight days ago. I think that what you're teaching us to be, to not give our power away, is I deserve at least two minute, a one minute conversation. All right. It's not a good time for me. All right, hear me out for a second. Sure. Does he deserve a text message from you saying, hey, how was your father doing? You know, you must be going through a lot of stuff right now. I'm just checking in on you, are you okay? Who deserves, who deserves, which does, does he deserve that from you? Or do you deserve it from him? Which one? I do that. Oh, you did that. Well, you didn't tell us that. Oh, well, okay. I did that a couple of days ago. Yeah. Okay, okay. So put that in the box. Did the penis go inside the vagina? Nope. Okay. So you haven't been physically intimate. You had two days- We kissed, we kissed and that's it, but that's it. Okay. Well, I believe kissing is a rather intimate act. Most human beings trivialized kissing. The fact of the matter is he's basically a total stranger. You know, very little about him. So you're kind of making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm not worried about like, I'm not even interested in seeing him ever again. I just want to know from my healing and my health, is it, will it, will it help me if I just put a message up there saying, at least I deserve, you know, a cop, you know, just an explanation. Not giving any judgment to him and not putting any guilt on him. Just saying, listen, I'm a good person. I deserve a one minute say, hey, listen, I can't, let's just put this on hold for now. I just think that's an adult thing to do. Will that help me or not help me? I don't think you should qualify. You're a good person because then that's, you know, you don't need to qualify that. Okay. Just simply- I get it. Okay. This isn't a reflection of whether you're, this isn't about your value. Okay. Not about your value. And by the way, on your second date, did he imply he would like a third date with you? Was there any discussion about that? No, I think he's also emotionally unavailable personally. Well, I mean, are you qualified to make that assessment? Only based on what I've learned from you. Okay. Well, you know, okay, so we have to differentiate between people who are on, by the way, every single man and woman is emotionally available. It's, do they have the capacity to express their emotions? That's where a lot of men struggle with the ability to express emotions. And women express emotions like they're vomiting all over the kitchen table. So it doesn't just be, okay, men have a hard time expressing emotions. Women have a hard time expressing emotions in a coherent way. I'm working on that. Okay. So with that said, what can you say to him? Is it even worth it? Should I even bother? That's what I'm asking. Well, I mean, I've moved on. It's okay. I'm gonna say, I have mixed feelings at it. You could simply say something like this. Hey, Tim, you could say something like this. Let's call him Tim for argument's sake. Hey, Tim. I just wanna say, express how much I appreciated the time we got together on those few dates. I really appreciate that you treated, I appreciate this, I appreciate that. Whatever it is you appreciate, acknowledge that. I'm a little bit sad that I haven't heard from you and especially after I checked in with you. I'm a little sad I hadn't heard from you, especially I checked in with you. Could you at least let me know you're okay? Because while we had a brief encounter, I still have some, I have some feelings about your well-being as I would any human being I've interacted with. And that's it. You can send it as a text. And then truly, I'll understand if you don't wanna respond. I'll understand if you don't wanna respond. There's no response necessary. I'm just sending this out. I wish you, and if I don't hear from you, I wish you all the best from this journey. By the way, Lisa, you can come back and watch this and rewrite everything down. I just share it. That's not telling him what he did wrong. That's simply expressing gratitude for the time together. You were sad you didn't hear from him. If I don't hear from you, you're saying that's okay too. I'm not attached to an outcome. This is probably one of the most empowered ways you can approach what happened between the two of you. That's where I was going with this question, thank you. So you did, okay. Okay. Because I really have no interest in probably ever going back out with him again. To be honest, I've moved on and this is okay. But I kinda wanna stick up for, like kind of be in charge of changing the narrative and like let's not do this to each other. Let's give each other an explanation why it doesn't work. Like be adults and just say you don't want it. Well, you gotta understand. Okay. I've gone out. Okay, let me just share something with you. I've gone out women who I think are bipolar or borderline personality or just batshit crazy or a pain in the ass or whatever. And I don't tell them what I think of them because those are just my thoughts. Okay. I don't need to tell them that I think that they remind me of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. And I've had situations like that, okay. I've literally had situations where I've been scared shitless because I have no idea this woman could be unhinged at a moment. But I don't need to tell her she's Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. You don't need, we don't have a responsibility to tell people how to live their lives, okay. What you have as a responsibility is in your sovereignty. And just like in my book, what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. There's a link below to get a copy of the book. Chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. What I just wrote this script and you can go back to the 40 something at minute mark and go watch it. I gave you a script of how to articulate to you in a kind loving way. And you simply say, I was saddened that you haven't reached out after I checked in with you. That's all you need to say. You don't need to tell them I'm a good person and you should do this because that's what people need to do. Okay. Given your power away means standing in your sovereignty or excuse me, being in your sovereignty is being diplomatic, being graceful because that's how we get more into our power. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Yes. Okay. Let me know. Can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic jot them bear hug? Yeah, just give all the cars a hug too because there's a lot. Okay, I'll give the cars a hug. Thanks Lisa for your share. Thank you. Appreciate it. Take care. All right. Thanks. Let's get started with both Cara and Lisa's share. Cara first, I want to address this really quickly because in her share, I believe she took a judgment she had about her own fear about quitting her job and made that the reason for the relationship ending when he clearly said she thought she was dramatic and also he was looking for someone subservient. So we have to be careful when we gaslight ourselves. The other way we gaslight ourselves is like in the situation with Lisa and what I mean by gaslighting is we make up a story or narrative about another human being that they're supposed to operate a certain way. And I'm here to say is, most people are good people. Most people are good people. They're just, most humans struggle with interpersonal relationships. They do. This is why I, it's frustrating out there because the reality is is and every one of you watching thinks you're the exception to what I'm about to say but most humans are really still infantile in their emotional maturity and their relationship skills. So when we learn how to be better communicators for ourselves, we then become more of a role model for the person that's in our lives but more importantly, we become a magnetic attractor for that person that can meet us in the same space. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Also, if you like the hot seat for both those women please give me a like, but please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And if you want to connect with me after hearing what I just shared, post or check out the links below to schedule a discovery call with me. All right. Hey, listen, we're gonna, we're still got about 10 more minutes before our broadcast is done. Anika says, I got ghosted before I found the man do that because it's easier. Yes, people prefer, listen, with some of those women I talked about that were batshit crazy, made me think of fatal attraction. By the way, that's my judgment perception. Sometimes it's easier just, by the way, she only went out with this man twice. He's just not asking her out on a third date. That's all that is. He's not, they weren't in a relationship with each other. So it's not ghosting. He's just like, I'm not, by the way, she's welcome to ask him out on a date. She's welcome to ask him out on a date. Is she doing that? No. Okay, by the way, women can ask men out on dates too. He's just using that. That's not ghosting. Is it civil to give an explanation? Yeah, but do we have to? Listen, if the penis goes inside the vagina, it's a fucking lute. But that's not what happened here. Hey, we just got a $20 super sticker from Goddess Gina Michelle. Thank you, supporting the stream, challenge viewers to match my, hey, she's challenging everyone to match her donation. By the way, given that Anika also donated, so we hit our goal of $50. Let's get to $100 tonight. I would love the love. Okay, Lisa says, love you, Jonathan. Thank you so much. All right, I have a personal share with everyone. So I got a text message from Marie. She is actually on a two month traveling tour throughout Europe. And she just, I think she just arrived a couple of days ago, she's with a travel group. And it turns out somebody recognized her from our, from my videos. And she said, and she got recognized at this, you know, at this group that it was like a tour group. And they go, I remember when you were on videos with Jonathan, I loved you. I thought you were great. I watched because of you. And so she sweetly messaged me and I wrote her back. I said, now you're officially a celebrity. So I thought that was cute. I share that with everyone because while my relationship ended, many of you have expressed a deep appreciation for when she did shoot videos with me. Many of you have expressed a sadness that the relationship ended. And yet folks, it was part of my journey. See, I recognize now that all of the relationships I had in my life, whether it was my significant relationship with my ex, my significant relationship after I got divorced or even my relationship with Marie, all these significant relationships were all part of my journey to become more of an evolved human being. And I hope that I was part of their journey as well. I can't speak for them, but I hope I was also part of their journey as well. So I have something to share with you all. This is a photograph on the back of my book. It's the picture on the back of my book. You can see it right there, okay? This is a photograph from the back of my book. While I'm sharing this with you, this photograph was taken at my ex-girlfriend's house and it was taken by her boyfriend, David, David Fader. It's actually right in the back of my book. It says the photograph by him, okay? I happen to be staying at their house. She owns a vineyard. You can actually, the vineyard is right below. And he took this photograph early morning when I was having coffee. So why am I sharing this with you? Just because a relationship ends, doesn't always have to mean that the care you have for another human being ends. See, in the case of Sherry, our relationship ended. It ran its course. We did a very conscious uncoupling between the two of us. And instead of, I mean, to the extent where friends were actually family to one another. She is like my big sister. And I've gotten to hang out with her partner, David, who they've been together for seven years now. We, he and I played golf together. He took this photograph of me, which ended up being the back cover of my book. I'm very proud of that. By the way, in the bottom it says I'm in the midst of being human. That's the title of that. I'm in the midst of being human, mist or midst. And even my relationship with Marie, well, we don't talk every day of the week. We occasionally check in with each other because when two people care for one another and it doesn't work out, it doesn't have to always be a complete calamity. I mean, it can, it might be that it might not be healthy for you to remain in contact with someone in your life. But I also believe when grownups and a relationship as grownups, the love doesn't necessarily disappear. The care I feel for even my ex-wife and we had a contentious divorce. We had a contentious divorce. I still have great care for her wellbeing. She's the mother of my children. In the case of Sherry, we have a social circle where we have, in fact, I'll be seeing her this weekend because we're going to a celebration of life ceremony, which 200 people, she is part of that group. And she even checked in with me and said, hey, are you doing okay? I saw one of your Facebook posts, you looked a little down. And just like Marie sharing with her, her joy of being celibate is recognized, you know, I recognize that many of you have had toxic relationships and you have to have a boundary, that's okay. But I'm also here to say that doesn't always have to be the case because when you care for someone, that care doesn't disappear. I believe that care doesn't disappear. And I'm grateful that I'm blessed that some of the women in my life, we still have deep friendships with one another or care for one another. I'm always going to care for the wellbeing of the significant women, of all women in my life, but mostly the significant ones, because I did go out with a few Glenn Close types from Fatal Attraction. I've had some near misses, but I still wish them well as well. I bring this up because this thing we call life has so many nooks and crannies to it. You know, my whole channel, even though I'm a dating and relationship coach, what I mostly am for many of you is an empowerment coach. I empower you all to find your sovereignty, to find your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, your self-reliance. I want you to find that space within you that whether you are mated or not, you're gonna have a juicy, delicious, healthy life. And that's my invitation for all of you. And I'm grateful that I can step in your lives a few times a week, share my perspective. Thank you all for the love and the kindness you all share with me. I am beyond grateful for all the support, not just in my life, but supporting my channel, supporting my passion for being of service. I thank you all for that. Brown Kenneke says, I appreciate your words. Thank you deeply. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Lisa wants to say if you ever truly love someone, you will always love them. I agree with what you are saying. It resonates. I'm so happy to hear that. Cindy says, my ex and I became best friends. T had a heart attack and passed away on the third. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Anyway, Belita says, thank you. Margaret says, yes, you're a life coach to me and I've learned so much from you. Ty Hits, I was gonna wrap up, but this will take our last question of the evening. Do you think there are men out there who still wanna get married? Absolutely there are men who wanna get married. I'd say I think there are a lot of men who want, by the way, there are a lot of women who don't wanna get married. So let's address that too. So I think it's rather, I think there are plenty of men. I wanna get them remarried. I definitely want to get remarried. All right, on that note, hey, did this broadcast resonate with you? Post a comment below, I'd like to hear your thoughts. As always, if you find value in my words, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And if you wanna connect with me directly, check out the links below to schedule a discovery call. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. What else? Get my books I recommend. They're all listed below. Jeanette says, oh wait, you are appreciated. I love hearing that. By the way, I can't stop thinking about people who say, I appreciate you. That I think is one of the most kindest things you can say to someone is I appreciate you. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Berg of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love with that. So, okay, I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Annika and Jahika and Lisa and Carolyn and Rose and Margaret and Catherine and Lighthouse and Mabukpina, I can't pronounce that. Fairpoint and Cindy and Jeanette and Ty and Gina and Melita. And I said Cindy. Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh, Johica. Did I say Annika? Rebel Tontrick, Tontronik, Trontik, Trotik. Oh my God, I can't do it. Carolyn, I already said that. Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh. And Goddess Gina, thank you for that. Everyone who gave and donated tonight, big hugs, much appreciation. Be well, take care. Have a good one.