 Stretches, testicles, skin I've ever seen, bitch. Are we live? Yeah. Hey, mom. Hey, dad. Um, this episode number 35 of the Mighty Michael fully actual podcast and we are five episodes away from the season finale. We have nine weeks of, uh, like work left before we have our little end of year break and five episodes of the podcast left. I'm getting down about that. And by the way, so not this episode obviously, but so tomorrow it's Thursday right now. Tomorrow I'm going to book in the venue. So not this episode, but next week's episode we're going to have a link to the tickets for the live show. Okay. It's going to pick one with the Judith Wright Center was booked out. We're too slow. So it's been rough, man. There's a lot to organize still. We'll have a special guest on. We don't know who yet, but we're going to get one on. And Matt's shitting himself. Yeah. What? So that's gone now. He's Matt's sits in officers and screams at concrete as all day. And now he's going to be thrust in front of hundreds of people. Wait, where? What venue? Look at that. Look at the confusion. I thought we were doing the Judith. Look at the confusion glazed over eyes. Judith is gone. Yeah. It's stupidly gone. Where are we going to get that? He'll see. Oh. I hate. You'll see everything soon, Brown. I'm planning the second one. Because that means we're going to do another one. Yeah. We got to see if we're good first. We're going to be better. It's going to cost a little bit of money. So we're going to charge a very small amount just to cover costs. Because we don't want to charge too much. So it's going to be like between 10 and 20 bucks because we don't. We're worried that we're going to be shit because like we've never really done a live show before. Matt's, like I said, he's sitting in an office screaming at assistance all day. I'm fine. Did you oust at anyone today? Oh, I was pretty short with a few people. But um, I... He would be the beast. Yeah. Look at the boss. That's why that person's mum said she didn't like working with him. Take it to Brown. Okay. I've come in late. What happens? I've walked in. Hey, Brown. What the fuck's up, cunt? You're 15 minutes late. Well, first off, no one would dare speak to me like that. Although I've got everyone nearly everyone on handshakes now. So it's been good. It's brought the staff closer. Hey, Brown. Sorry. I'm late. I'm 15 minutes late. All good, man. All right. It's the next day. Hey, Brown. Sorry. I'm late. I'm half an hour late now and I've got mustard on my jeans. I'd say all good and I'll let you sit down before maybe chatting to you maybe later in the day to see if everything is all right. Okay. So we sit down. Here we go. I don't want to do it. That doesn't like the role play. It brings him back to work. I don't want to do this. I'd just check if everything was okay and I'd see if... Nothing. I'm getting... Everyone's fine. No, no, everything's fine. What time are you starting? You're starting in the early mornings? You're starting in the later shifts? Sorry, it was fucking traffic, cunt. Yeah. What do you want me to do? It's traffic. So would an earlier shift suit you so you can beat the traffic? No. The later shift. I want to come in for three hours. Actually, two hours. I can't. I need you for nine hours. All right. I'll be on time tomorrow. And then he's late. Fast forward to tomorrow. Hour late. Okay. It's tomorrow. I'm an hour late and now he's got tomorrow's rest. Sorry, Brown. I'm late. Is this the third late? Wearing the same mustard-skinned jeans. Okay. Well, one, I'll be like, hey, man, take a look at your jeans. Maybe you wash them. And then saying, oh, no. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm washing machines broken. All right. What do you want me to do? Pay me more. And you're late again. All right. I can't do anything about your pay. You have to speak with the other manager. But yeah, I'd wash your jeans. That's sexual harassment. That's not sexual harassment. Done. I've just reported you to top office. You can't report me for sexual harassment just saying that your jeans are dirty. That's very sexy. If you're going to get in this role play, get into it. I don't want to do this anymore. My grandmother died. They're fucking bored. If your grandmother died, oh, dude, we're here for you. What do you need? I want sex. I want some sex. A concrete grandmother. Say that. No one would say I want some sex. A concrete grandmother sculpture. Build my bitch. Yeah. 50 meters tall. I really don't want to do this anymore because every single person is different in how you deal with them. All right. Look, look, look, we got to, we got to move on. Yeah. We do got to move on. Starting quite late. All right. Let's move on to the next episode. Blake and Paulie were meant to come on this episode, but Blake is stuck in Bali because he's lost his, he's lost his passport. I think he's girlfriend's like being in an accident. What lied to you? Fuck. Good work. Anyway, but yeah. So Blake stuck in Bali and then so we just said, I'll just come on with Blake like next week or the week after Paulie. So there do you want either next week or the week after we've got a lie set up. We've got a bachelor brown. We've got fucking. A jam packed episode. So let's jump straight into the deep end. Oh, before we start, did, um, did, um, did Jackson call you guys? Yeah. Cause he's called me and asked me to come for an interview with it. You're lying. Yeah. Fuck. That was such a bad lie, Jack. Connor, leave that in and people need to see how bad Matt or he's at that lie. No, no, quick. Cut that. Please. Oh man. Please. Oh, and we're back now. Cut that. I just did a really bad lie. He wanted it out. So we had to cut it. I'll quit. Don't. Connor. Cut it. The hot. Yeah. It's so hot. Hot rocks is syphilis. We don't have air con. Look at it. You have air con. Not in this area. We got a fan. We can't put that on or blow everything. No. We can set up a series of fans from the land room and blow the cooler old days. I could do that. Anyway, let's move on. Holy shit. It's hot. Yeah. Yeah. Michael's obsessed with fortnight again. It's fucking. It's not good. Matt and Michael are having fortnight offs. Oh, I haven't really competed against each other. I'm good. I've only just started to get playing. I played a little bit a few years ago. I've played like 20 matches and fuck. Am I good? You are very good. Naturally. Naturally. Also, we're back to film and we've already filmed like seven videos this week. We did a website video. You might be wondering why we're wearing band-aids on one hand each where we try attempted to sand our fingerprints off to see if you can do that. And we're sorry about the blanket. Anyway, we won't give too much away, but that'll be a website video. I literally, I literally left the house and slept somewhere else last night. Anyway, we're so we're back to fucking film and absolute bangers come. All right. Let's move right along the sponsors. Your dog shits. Hey, man. Are you, are you so stupid that your fucking wife left you? We'll shut up and sit down on your rug because you don't even have furniture yet. You're fucked, man. And if you want, if you want a better life, you maybe need to consider going to manscape.com. They've got all the things you need to make sure. Hang on. This is a part of the sponsor. Hang on. Help me. Help me with this. Manscape.com. Use our discount code fully actual 20 to get 20% off everything that you need. The noise you just heard is manscape.com. Do you understand? Fully actual 20 for 20% off. They got all sorts of male grooming shit. All right. They got fucking ball wipes so you can get sucked off on trains and buses and sucked off in the cinemas. You can get sucked off in a restaurant. You can get sucked off in a park. You can get sucked off underneath the bridge by two homeless sweats. And they're cans. They got cans in shit. Underwear. I can't even begin to explain the amount of products manscape has to make your life better. Get up. Get up and get out of your self pity pool of shit, you fucking worthless piece. Get up and go to manscape.com and use our discount code fully actual 20 for 20% off, man. You fucking cunts. Do something. Do something. Get up and get sucked off. Also for women. There's also some women stuff on there. That's legit. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it's mainly women, I think. Are the cameras going? That was bowling. Yeah, wow. See, manscaped. Wow. And of course, our other sponsor, the University of Marker, where we put all of our really fucked up content. And the video out right now, oh, I watched it last night. It's do painkillers work. And that's everyone. Remember a few weeks ago, I had that fucking massive bruise on the back of my leg. Well, that video gave me a just stop. I'm sorry. Oh, no. You want to fucking break the set? We'll break the set. I thought Michael was watching. He's always watching. I'm sorry. Are you okay, Michael? I'm so sorry. Usually you're ready for it. Sorry. Anyway, on the website, we fucking really hurt ourselves against the video that gave me the biggest bruise I've ever had. And then we take a bunch of painkillers, really strong painkillers, and far too many of them. And then we do the painful things again to see if it works. Sign up 21 day free trial. The link's in the fucking description. See if you like the content. You can leave free of charge if you don't. But I bet you will. So go and have a look, cunt. Yeah, it's very good. Yeah, yeah. You gotta watch it, man. See how curious you are at our science? Everyone is. There's a level of curiosity there. Actually. Actually. Actually. Somebody actually. Actually. Actually. Actually. Actually. Actually. Actually. Actually. Actually. Somebody. Actually. Oh, fuck me. What happened? Somebody gave me a login and signed me up and I didn't realize it. I thought that would give me their login. I was like, oh, no, no, it's okay. I won't use yours. Someone's paying for you and you still won't watch. And then someone paid for you and they're like, hey, are you using it? And I was like, oh my God, I didn't realize like, yeah, no. So even, so let me get this straight. Free. So you are so unsupportive that someone else is paying for you and you won't even go and watch. You know the human being that's doing that. No, no, he's just another member. And well, what a legend to do that. But I was so brain dead that I didn't realize it was like a gift and I'm so apologized for that. You're a fucking pig, man. Have you even used it once? You're a fucking dirty pig. No, never. Don't watch. I want to do, we want to do a video where we show Matt Brown some of the, um, some of the fucked up. I don't think I can watch some of them. We really divided our audience last week. That's definitely why I'm not too keen on watching. The sandpaper fingertips off will probably be rough to watch for people as well. Self-mutilation is often hard to watch. But anyway, that's the website. That's what we do there. We do vlogs too behind the scenes of our lives and we go and do fucking weird shit. So there's over 220 videos on there and most of them are like half an hour to 40 minutes long. The vlogs are just for members, aren't they? Well, the website ones. You don't put them out on there. Well, we can't. There's so much shit in there. Oh, because your vlogs are quite open, aren't they? Yeah. All right. Moving right along. We are running out of time. So we're going to jump straight into the lying segment. All right. Now, I don't know. I'm a bit nervous about this one. I don't know how our mate is going to take this. So I'm about to call Peter Feigen. He's a journalist. He's on TV. All right. He has helped us a lot through our content. He was when we did which sport is the scariest. He got like heaps of guests for us. And he's just always a very helpful guy. He's a big deal. Yeah. So we thought we'd, I was, I messaged him early today and I was like, oh, hey, mate, we've got a video idea to run by you. Just wondering if you think it's newsworthy. So I'm going to fucking call him and I'm going to come up with the most fucked, fucked video idea and just see how he reacts. He knows you guys and the content you do. Let me answer that question with this. Okay. Just be clear. Be clear. I'm playing the drums. I'm playing the drums. They wet like a bit. They're normal lives. They're not like spaced. The dissolve. Swamp. Yeah. It's like mush. Swamp. Damned mush. Anyway. Sorry. Sorry. You had to hear that. Where's the phone now? Mango. I made a wire. Oh, I'm not too bad for easy. Yeah. Mate, I was watching that video the other day where you were pulling those rubber bands back on that basketball court, mate, and I was fucking laughing. I could not. Mate, he's so terrible at every corner. He's actually pretty fucking... But he's actually really good at putty. Yeah. Well, he's usually quite good at sport, but yeah, he fucking crumbled. I'm just going to get in his head. Yeah, that's no good. So what are you boys up to? What's it doing? Yeah, so look, we had a pretty wild idea. But so I just thought I'd see, like, if this is a bit too fucked up for the news. Yeah. So Michael and I met this, like, plastic surgeon like a year ago, and we sort of just been, like, staying in contact with him a little bit. And we ran this idea past him, and we obviously have to pay for this surgery. But basically, Michael and I, what we're going to do is we're going to, like, maybe take some painkillers, get a bit dosed up, and then we're going to remove, cut our pinkies off, take them to the plastic surgeon, and then see if he can, like, put Michael's pinky on my hand and put my pinky on Michael's hand. Yeah, you're going to cut them all. Yeah, well, we got tin snips. We're just going to, like, just fucking... And just, like, sort of put our finger in between and then just, like, bang down really hard on them and just hope that it's just a clean cut. I mean, that'd be too much. That'd be... Oh, Michael, fucking hell. I mean, that'd probably be... That'd be there to be too much for us, but that'd probably be taken off all socials anyway, wouldn't it? Yeah, well, we're going to do it as, like, a website exclusive, but we thought, you know, and not have, like, any of the cutting and stuff, but maybe just have the, like, the aftermath, like, the us coming out of the surgery room and I've got Michael's pinky. And the surgeon reckons, like, he could make it so that, like, they're fully functioning pinkies. So I'll just have Michael's pinky on me and Michael will have one of my pinkies on him. What are your, what are your loved ones? Think about that. Well, we haven't run it by them yet. Mate, I reckon you should run it by them before you run it by me. I reckon it'll be shut down pretty quickly. Yeah, well... You'll get coverage. There's no doubt about it. You'll absolutely and utterly get coverage whether you like it or not. It wouldn't be something that we would report on in terms of, hey, look, these guys are about to do this. Oh, well, what about... Yeah, so... It would 100% make, like, my daily mail, mate, everyone had done one. Everyone had absolutely and utterly done one. Yeah, we'd do, like, a Frankenstein sort of angle. But the other idea we had was that we both get just one fake tit just in the middle of our backs. And the plastic surgeon said he'd need to see how that works. But, like, that's, like, probably a little less gruesome. Yeah. That's less gruesome. Either or you would get coverage. People would just pick it up. Like, you wouldn't have to even put it out there. Yeah. You would just say, mate, look what these guys have done. Make daily mail, news.com, courier. The short answer is we wouldn't, in any way, shape or form, endorse you guys doing it. But we would 100%. Mate, without doubt, everyone would report on it. 100%. It would probably be, like, be negative feedback, though. Wouldn't it? Well, you're going to get mixed feedback. But, mate, put it this way. I reckon your loved ones will probably be the ones that'll push back more than anyone else. Like, I know that, you know, like, it's a fucking fantastic idea. And I want to see it. I want to see it. But, yeah, it's not something we certainly wouldn't say, oh, yeah, we're going to endorse this little bar. But we would report on it 100%. You would get mixed feedback. Yeah, but you would get, I mean, that's something that would go, that's something that would go overseas. Like, that's massive. Yeah, well, that's the fucking plan. But, Feezy, I can't fucking do it to you anymore, mate. We've actually got you on the podcast right now, and this is our lying... Oh, you're fucking jokes. Fucking hell. Woo! Oh, fucking hell. You're not going to cut... I think they go, what the fuck? You were quite supportive of it, dude. So supportive, I loved it. Fucking hell. I love that. It'll make overseas news. Fuck. I think they go, you're not going to cut your own fucking... Fucking hell. Fucking hell. Oh, fuck. That was good, boys. I was sitting there going, what the fuck is hitting your back? What the fuck? We've actually did have that idea when we were fucking... getting anywhere with the videos, but yeah, we're definitely not going to do that. That was good, actually. I'm actually a big supporter of your art, but, oh, mate. They go, no, this can't be true. They're not going to cut their fingers off. That's if we fucking did, I wonder if that's possible. Oh, wow. Probably not, but you know what? You know what? You should try it. All right. The easy said, we'll do it. Oh, that's unreal. Yeah, sorry, mate. We were fucking running out of mates to call, and I thought we were fucking... Nah, that's all right, that's all right. I just thought I'd give you a buzz and... I thought I made that point. Oh, I love that. That was great. And that's the fucking lying segment. We got him, baby. Well, the one down. I knew he'd be fucking real polite about it. Yeah, he would say, like... But it probably would be international news if we did that. Unbelievable. Had functioning people. I know they can saw it. You'd think he'd be like, dude, don't do that. Well, he did say, don't run it by your loved ones. There's no way Mono Amber would let us do that. You reckon? There's a chance that when you get it reattached, that it won't work. Yeah, and then you just get it lopped off and then you're done with it. He's got his fingers anyway. There was a friend of yours. McLannon. I think it was like Smith's last name. Can't remember his first name. Greg? No, not Greg. But he was telling us at one of the old houses that he's like, hey, for a video one day, I'll just go and chop my pinky off. And then we'll run and get it sewed back on. It'll just be funny. And he was dead serious about it. He's a mate of yours. Sorry about that. Sorry about Matt, everyone. So sorry about Matt ruining potentially the evening there. So sorry, everyone. Sorry. All right, moving right along. Next we have our bachelor brown segment. And I know we've been doing this segment all season, but I read some of the comments that this segment's getting a bit stale. But I'm done with it. We've got to see it through now. We've only got five episodes left. And we're going to try our best to get the top three onto the finale. No, we can't. We'll have to talk about that because I don't think it's a possibility. Matt, anything is possible. We'll talk about it at the end. We'll talk about it at the end. All right, so bachelor brown, Michael and I have hand selected girls to have phone dates with Matt and because Matt's gotten real shaky and he's lost all his confidence over the years of brutal rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Help! Help! It's worn him into a stub of a man and he's a nervous fuck wreck. And now we have to do everything to try and make him happy. Sorry. All right, we're... Who is this person? Lydia. Please answer. Maybe it's her. Everyone, we are so sorry. We have a fallen victim to another case of nervousness. Rejection. Without even speaking to Matt she's decided, fuck it! So we will have to abandon this week's bachelor brown. All right, moving right along. On this day... We're going to take... Bomb break! Health problems. It wasn't very good. And we're back. Oh, you gotta clean your face. Oh, you've got sauce on your ass. Clean your face. Soot. Clean your face. Oh, you smell like dog. What do you think I was just eating? Dog! Oh, I've got it itchy. From Chinese restaurant. Scream segment in. To make up for the bachelor brown. Just wait, Matt, you said something to me before. Yeah, Paulie. He went after the Uber Eats driver. While we were doing the lying segment, Matt ran out. I don't want to say this. He thought it was Paulie because Matt still thinks that Paulie's coming on today. So he goes to the Uber driver. He goes, Paulie! Paulie! Hang on, hang on, hang on. So you were doing the lying segment to... Paulie. Doing the lying segment. And so I saw the car pull up and I thought it was Paulie because I was expecting a guest. And so I ran out front to, like, stop him from being all excited and loud because then that would ruin the prank call. And then when I got there, he was sort of standing by the car. He wasn't coming towards the house. So I said, Paulie! Paulie! And he's just, he goes, he goes, uh, delivery. I was like, oh, okay. So technically the lie was on Matt. Yeah. We kind of got the brown flounder down. Anyway, on this day, and on this day is where Matt comes in real early and he researches, on this day in history, something crazy that happened to everybody. And yeah, he's quite passionate about them. Don't you? There's always some sort of... Anyway. Paulie coming. On this day, in in 1208... Fuck. It's a long time ago. It's like a hundred. Phyllis Yuttglit wrestled nine foxes down a hill. She snapped the foxes snouts as they lunged at her. And she grabbed their bottom jaws and twisted them off. The foxes looked real fucked with their, only their upper jaw and then their tongues just dangling out of their mouth holes. Phyllis laughed at the funny looking foxes. People from all over town heard about the funny looking foxes and came to see them. Soon enough, people from all over the world would come to see these hilarious foxes. Phyllis started charging the money to see the half-snouted foxes and that's how tourism was invented. The foxes quickly caught on and started staying away from humans. That's why they're so hard to catch now. I'm Matt and I'm a woman. All right. Well, there you go, this is how tourism was invented. That's fucking crazy, man. And it's so true, foxes are so like easily spooked now and it must be in their DNA. After all that snout snapping is it? I'm suddenly on edge. I don't feel comfortable anymore on this podcast right now tonight. There's too many lies too many no shows and and now I don't know now the the bachelor Brown didn't come through and you're a woman And I'm a woman. I don't know what's going on and now I feel like I have no I no idea what's coming next I'm waiting for another rock to hit the roof You ain't seen nothing yet Imagine if a truck came through the house Big one of the big hot big dog concrete trucks can't straight into you guys All right, so next we have my diary and this is where I just find like random diaries scattered throughout my mom's been Entry number Today I heard the ice cream truck go past my neighbors ran out and stopped it I ran to ask dad for some money and dad handed me a knife and told me to ask the ice cream man For some and to make stabbing movements. I ran to the ice cream van and started saying I want ice cream I want ice cream while stabbing the knife towards the man My neighbors screamed and ran back inside and the ice cream man slammed his window shut and drove away really fast I turned around and saw dad laughing very hard and he threw an empty VB tolly at me and said suck on that if you're hungry. I did and it was young It was a pretty good day Maybe what an ice cream Wow, sorry All right now we're moving right along at the speed of sound to Michael's Bible and Michael's put all of his wisdom into One book and now he's gonna read it for all of us to enjoy and learn from so shut up and sit down Beezus is about to address you. Why isn't why spelt with just the letter? Why is one of that? I'll tell you why Right after this short break pause I'm not actually sure why sorry And like I'm sure that question plagues every intellect. Did you make that alarm go off? Yeah, yeah With wisdom, I don't know if you guys could hear that, but yeah a huge alarm went off in the flat ground All right guys now. It's time Browns Book and this is a fucking cunt segment where Matt Brown has Detailed all of his sexual experiences since he was fucking fucking started slinging his slit up fucking cunt cunt 14 This is Matt Brown's black book you're making a mess Got it here. I'm so sorry for you're about to hear. Okay, so remember this is Matt Brown who has written this Years ago when he was a deranged psychopath. Okay, just remember that. It's nothing to do with me or Michael It's all Matt Brown Look at him. Look at that. Hey, mom. Hey dad. I can eyes scanning the room looking for things to shove up him Number 70 It was a hot humid summer's morning and I was ironing the knots out of my scrotum My thick skin sizzles as the red hot iron glided across my outstretched testicles a broad smile crept across my face as the distinct smell of my own searing flesh Swindled up my nostrils. I get distracted and when I see movement out of the corner of my eye Someone was approaching my front door. I Sprint like an emu to my window. It's the mailman, but a new mailman one I had never seen before he had short blonde hair and was wearing glasses Quite handsome. I make a split decision and decide to prank him I excitedly waddle over to my front door I had a male slot in the middle of my door where my where my mail would he would get delivered through I quickly pulled down my pants and stretch my ass also as the length of the male slot Then I press my asshole directly against the male slot and wait I can barely contain my laughter as I hear the footsteps approach from the other side of the door I hear the mailman fumble through his mailbag and then hear the sound of my male slot being opened Then I feel the gentle pressure of some letters being fed directly into my asshole The mailman clearly confused pushes harder until his actual fingers are deep inside my wet shit tube Then slap I release my ass cheeks and my asshole wraps around his hand I squeeze tight as he tries to pull his fingers out of my ass I burst out into full laughter as he continues to attempt to wrestle his hands free Then something strange happens instead of pulling out the mailman starts to push his hand in further His hand starts working its way up my colon and before long his entire arm is up to his elbow in my ass Then something even more strange I hear the mailman laughing on the other side of the door Enough is enough and relax my sphincter and pull the arm out of me The mailman pull his pulls his arm back through this mail slot and I immediately open the door That's a really funny prank man. I got you back though Yeah, you did. I was not expecting that Well played. So you're the new mailman Welcome to the neighborhood Yeah, I guess I am thanks for making me feel so comfortable Of course, I am Matt Brown I'm Jeffrey Dahmo, but you can call me Jeff Nice to meet you Hey, you want to see something cool? I found it this morning Jeff starts to fumble in his mailbag and pulls out a little cooler. He opens it and inside are some organs. Oh Wow What are they? And you found them did you? Yeah, I found them in my yard Probably just some kids playing a prank or something. It's a heart a stomach and some lungs pretty neat, huh? Yeah Very interesting We both stare at each other and I can't quite explain it, but we shared a deep rooted connection Like we had known each other for years. I felt immediately comfortable with Jeff Almost like we were kindred spirits. I love how shiny they are Do you want to fuck them together? I was a little startled by his forwardness, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking the exact same thing Jeff you read my mind. Please come in. I had a feeling you would be cool with it We both enter my home and Jeff places his organs on the coffee table on my lounge room So how shall we do this? Well, I'm just gonna pick an organ and sort of just fuck a hole through it It's kind of just whatever you want to do I Watch Jeff remove his pants and floppy slug out of his underwear. I follow suit and release my little brown We both stare at each other's cocks for a second And then Jeff's picks up the stomach. Which one do you want? I want the stomach He hands me the stomach and then starts dipping and wiping his balls across the lungs. I Look at the stomach. It's shininess is truly mesmerizing I find a little hole and feed my flaccid little brown in almost instantly. I become erect I look over at Jeff and he's now fucking down at the lungs like a champions My pupils dilate and I start fucking the stomach I use it like a flashlight and pull it over my salty fuck stick Jeff and I become animalistic in our fucking and we both start making sounds Within minutes we are tearing the organs apart and fuck something down at the bits We see Jeff and I meet in the middle and kiss passionately and then pull away and swap organs Jeff looks on in horror as my balls swells at ten times their size then he sees my gills widen along my neck Look away! I scream just as I ejaculate powerfully into the fuckhole I created in the lungs my mince chunners out dissolving the lungs before my very eyes Mince gushes out and my balls tighten I finish and with some mild embarrassment and my loss of control I look at Jeff. He stares back Well, man, I don't think I've ever seen that before Yeah Sorry Would you like to join me for some dinner and drinks at my place tomorrow? I cook a mean steak I was relieved that Jeff wasn't put off for my actions Jeff I Would love to Write down your address and I'll be over at seven Jeff leaves his address and I walk him to the door I'm real glad I met you Matt. You seem really cool. I'll see you tomorrow night I'm looking forward to it Jeff Have a great day Close the door as he leaves. Well Sure, I'm glad I played that prank What a fucking legend What a legend Oh So you don't look at me like one. I look I'm not gonna say anything but like yeah You know it's ease of If that's if that's the same guy Anyway, let's move on that guy's gonna have friends too. Yeah, but like come on kindred spirits Yeah, I don't know about the soulmate shit. I can't always have perfect relationships like you do. Oh man that was um Imagine fucking lungs That would be weird Like that. I wonder if you could like puff them up Could he blow down this? Blow down the esophagus. They blow like a balloon you could put your dick in it and then Suck it out and then the lungs would tighten on your dick shrink wrap around your cock shaft. Oh Matt don't what was it a heart stomach and lungs? What would you fuck if you had to? So make you know probably like a little like it's perfect. Yes stomach. Yeah Hearts more for the roman. What about if it's a fresh stomach? It would be bad because it's like the acid still must still have some peanut butter sandwiches in there The acidic shit in it could erode your dick Okay, yeah way exhaling like that Anyway, that's the black book for this week. All right everybody let's fucking move right along Let's keep it moving. All right Yeah, we'll save that we'll save that let's have a yeah, I'm quick Sorry, I'm sorry to questions. Let's move right along now. We are going to oh by the way We got comment competitions and we're gonna reveal the winner of the comment. We're gonna we're gonna pick like six Winners of the comment competition by the way. That's six. No listen makes no sense It makes plenty of sense and you're about to hear why because the the person who wins may not be contactable Okay, so we're gonna pick six people as backups. All right, and the comment We're just gonna pick a random comment of the entire season on the mighty Michael fully actual YouTube channel a random comment $20,000 so the more times you comment the more entries you have I'd recommend having your email visible for us to get to Yeah, if you can be fucked. Well, yeah, you should be fucked and we're gonna reveal it We're gonna reveal it on the season finale. All right, we're gonna film it beforehand and then just show and Hopefully the winner watches the season finale. All right, so if you've ever commented watch this season Sorry If Michael doesn't like that smell, I'm glad I I've got Suffocation I want to it's life for somebody to come from the outside. I'm so warm It's someone to come from the outside and just walk directly into this room Imagine if imagine switching on all our podcasts as someone who's never watched it before at that very second just then Are you? Imagine that imagining cow imagine imagine a fucking cow. Yeah. This is another I can't wait Isn't that what you just mentioned? No, that was the normal common competition for a thousand dollars We will have the board Next season we're gonna have a we're gonna fucking cut the cow segment all together Okay, we just have to do it now because we've committed to giving someone a thousand dollars at the end This is where matt picked a comment and you're going forward probably and win a thousand dollars stop picking comments So I had to take over Anyway, I'm not gonna complain. There's the board man Yeah Empty it's not empty. There's like six names on there at a 35 10 weeks in I've got them But they will all be on there. I've got them all don't stress will read. I was just gonna do it 10 minutes before it's due All right common of the week went to Jason Depending where he's from All right, so he's referring to last week's episode And the outfit that I was wearing Finally matt's head is covered A fuck me man, that is shit That is so shit We got it next season. We got to make sure we don't commit to shit segments for the entire It did sound like a good idea, but I think everyone's sort of just sorry about this segment guys We've been fucking slogging. There were some good ones early on like fucking Greg. Oh, yeah. No, I'm talking about this episode We are fine. This is a shit episode man. I'm tired. Okay. Anyway It's so fucking hot. We don't have air con again Just in this it's gonna be the worst summer every room has it After this, we've only got four apps left Then we have an unorganized live show where nothing will work. No All right questions questions. Uh, first question is oh, yeah, if you want us to answer your question, by the way Comment on can you shut the fuck whistle shit Comment on the mighty mark or fully actual youtube channel We answer the most like questions first have a scroll through and like the questions you'd like us to answer On with the show The black book has fallen into pieces sex evil has been released. All right. Um, most like question went to Henry Mahoney Um, Jackson seems like a really nice guy. Can we have him as a more regular guest? Yeah. Yeah He's on the goldies and he's backs fucked. We'll get him on as often as we can He's backs back. We do try and get him on whenever he's taller We forgot to mention that last week. He's literally like three centimeters taller now You can tell it makes a big difference Because the the discs they put in are bigger than the ones they removed Hmm Sorry, no, do you know that? I don't want to converse with the We'll have we'll have our bit over here and you do your thing over there Our next question is from Maddie Um, will the diary entries of julien woods return next season? Yeah, go on. They will if enough people want that How many likes did that have? I don't want that on me ever again. I can't tell because I photo I questioned that early. So It might be more than what it was, but it was like eight. All right. Yep done Manscape.com. I was lying. I love that shit on me Next question is from Austin Keats. Where do you boys get all the costumes from love seeing the new ones every week? They've just been accumulated over the years of all this. Oh, I know you're from videos Heaps heaps and heaps We got heaps. Yeah, we just it's just from doing our fuckery We just grown man who played dress-ups and it's just we now have a costume room Where we just where we have all of our costumes from all of the videos that we filmed in the last two to three years Michael has fallen Next question is from david Bissner by isn't it? Yeah, it's by shlater um by shlater um Marty and Michael how can you live with yourselves knowing how Michael are you even listening? Someone has taken the time to write you a question Cutting that question you guys upset me. No, no come on. What is it? No? Was it sound like a good question? We'll move on to the next one. No, come on, man That's what you get if you want to fuck around. That's what you get. I farted you you're ruining a fan's life Right now you did no you can you can save it. No It's gone. Wait, did you know Anne Frank never did? No, she's coming down the stairs Look He looks He looked oh nothing. Sorry Next question from zack jenette Would you do an entire season one day all comprising of guests each episode so different guests every episode? Um, I think there's some funny people out there worthy of the fully actual podcast Yeah, we're getting more and more guests on can't we fucking we got Paulie and bloody Blakey We're gonna we're trying we'll get some others on I want to say too much get hopes up and then have you destroyed But yeah, no, we're getting more guests on come to Alex main also asks a similar question. Uh, which is also highly cool. Next question is from Is shimmy 2 that is racist as fuck, man I can't um, what names would you give your future kids? Oh, man I For the middle name a tongue a month and maybe for the first name I don't know how to spell that yet What about Matt, what would you name your fucking kids greg like some fucking what would you call it right now if you had a Romeo That is Fucking worst name ever what quarry Lesson Greg worse than that. Sorry kane, but kane is fucked worse than greg Oh kane is kane's like modern fucked greg's like old fuck Greg shouldn't even be in consideration as a name anymore And fucking some names just should never be used anymore like fucking Like all those old old names like charles like jarred I didn't oh wait. No jarred right. He's a legend. Fuck. Sorry The fucking what else what's another shit name Names I wouldn't call my kid. I'm not going to say the name. I want to because then people steal it. Oh my god Nobody cares when you name your kids Gabriel no, Gabriel. Shit. I've realized too Um, I reckon novella haven't spelled backwards Oh, really fuck all those people who did that to their kids man. Well fucking I reckon what's hell backwards? Le Yeah, are you Matthew or Matt? Matthew Matthew Matias What else? No, I'm Matthew on my birth certificate. I'll go by Matt Sorry Anyway, more shit names would be do you go by martin or marty? What's on your birth certificate? I don't know. I've never seen it Martin is How do you get things in life without your birth certificate? What do you get with a birth certificate fruit food? You know when they ask when you're trying to apply for like a home loan or a passport they ask for your birth certificate means your property of the state I've never ever had that I don't think Yeah, you would yeah, you would you were born in like a barn. Do you know? Do you know what? You gotta you gotta watch what you're saying around me flondon They're so damn you're underwater That was like a double. I was like nearly going to watch your mouth. Oh man. They are reek. Watch your mouth Reiki reiki Sorry, what's does a words echo fields mean anything to you guys? Yeah, yeah, of course Someone suggested that we call the house echo fields after watching. Oh, yeah, that makes heaps of sense Yeah, because we the echoed. Yeah You wouldn't know I would not in a video where we defeated defecation almost or sort of probably We heard echoes in our fucking back yard All right next question is from Shane Wilson How did you guys come up with your own language that you throw into senses like flaila and becklin? Etc. Etc. I think it's just um like because we can't think of anything witty to say So we just make sounds Hoping that they'll be funny It's just more of a it's a really desperate shit low IQ attempt at getting a cheap laugh Man, there is like fucking slon was fucking genius Yeah, slon last week the fucking big slon. That is that is the peak of comedie Slon a peak of comedie Oh, man, your names are great Next question is from Peter Hunt. Will the tickets to the live show be offered to the members first? Yeah, we're talking about this today We're going to go members and also the podcast viewers first, I think And then we'll the rest will be like open to the public. So at the same time Not this Monday, but the Monday after at the same time that they go the podcast comes out We'll have a link to the tickets and we'll we'll announce it to the members as well So yes members will get first crack as well as the podcast listen Because you know streams trying to do camp three Matt's thinking what have I done with my life Three legs I'm not I'm 35 Next question is from Ryan Hammers Markle What would you rather Watch the whole of the Star Wars films in full or shave your head for charity, of course I'd watch the Star Wars, but I would get baked as fuck He's so protective. Maybe we should do that one day. Watch the entirety of Star Wars. It's Dude, I tried once and this you actually try. Okay. Which one did you start? Oh, dude, it was so fucking disgusting. It felt like it was black and white Has Yoda had a stroke So why he talks like that and okay, there was a stupid low Fucking CGI sandstorm. Oh my god. Oh, I remember and then there's this fat fucking thing And it was just like talking shit dude was made in the 70s exact make it It's still shit for the 70s. I shouldn't have put it out if it's that bad And then like I was like, I can't deal with that It's like reading a book Remember that where Darth Vader goes shit. You know, I'm talking about the fat jabber hut thing Dude where Darth Vader goes no And it's zooming out on him. That is so shit. Yeah, that one the one you're referring to is not that main actor that That one of the main actor guy. He's such a bad actor. It made me want to fucking hit my fuck off anyone like Yes, you fucking fucking posters. How does he have a job? What do you mean a fucking disgusting you've got R2-D2 fucking vacuum cleaner. You've got an R2-D2 vacuum cleaner in your fucking closet Really that Layla that Layla thing with the fucking hair on the side of her head. You snot You snot gel on fucking paper with that thing in your mind and you've got fucking you have star wars thongs I did have star wars That's shit That's star written on your fucking car. Shit. Like it's just shit. It's fucking. That's it. It's shit May the force be with you. Oh All right, but like fuck june pissed me off even more. There's no guns in june. What's june was cool Oh, no, it was better than star wars somehow. Yeah, because it's june. But hang on june is a month of the Hang on hold Watch the old june and then compare it to star wars, but you won't do that Were you because you need to see it in the new technology? No respect for all that even the new star wars the one where he's going david. I saw the scene david gets out and it leads Where's that dumb soup? Fucking That's not even the that's not even the that's like the mid ones Yeah, it's mid ones exactly Fuck so like so they had a chance with technology and they still inserted that scene. Yeah, I know that's what I mean That's they made it was new world and they fucked it up and now the new ones are so woke You can't be fucked watching it. I have a question. Could you make a better star wars? Yes We already have yeah, holy shit. We actually have but it's not yeah, we can't release yet. Sorry And fuck man, it's just Oh, like get it. Yes. I get it astronomy and space the sun. It's all rad. It's cool But when you go down that path of star wars and you start getting into like the fucking weird. What's that jar jar? Stupid fucking cars and the races dude, it's just yeah the races like don't have that It's like are you trying to be fast and furious in the fucking space clouds? Can't Oh my god racing and oh man. I had fucking friends Calling friends, man They fucking used to mimic jar jar binks his voice You know how hard it's not to hit someone that copies his voice Especially when women do it like that. Who's sir you sir that guy? No You're very good You've seen you've seen a lot of it. I've seen fucking ads on tv I don't know and I get why you're mimicking it tells me you may have seen more than what you let on secretly love You know that off my heart sarcastically Yeah, I just man. I'm never ever gonna and now they're making one every year or something They're just draining the money and it's just well. Disney has bought it and they're doing Fuck disney. Fuck that. You've just ruined every chance to get a disney show now. Good disney can Yeah, like We're not pedophiles, mate Which brings us to our next question from trend He closed 87 Um, how does it feel to get shot on? Yeah, it does that feels hot Is it hot? Oh, yeah, it was warm. It was like catch it too. It was like Why is it like I'm saying that Oh, man, I'm still worked up about fucking star wars. Hey, yeah, maybe we should have ended on stand it Anyway, so yeah, you love fortnight. I got you over to fortnight And you did give me a lot of shit about fortnight to begin with. Yeah, yeah, I can't I probably do I don't think I'll ever get you to star wars, but I'm glad I got you to fortnight. Anyway, I think we should try it Dude, I can't do the old ones the sandstorm not the fucking old ones. Do you have to use the old ones? The old ones are the best. It's a storyline. I'm pleased to see through some return of the Jedi is the best Nothing beats when the Ewoks and the people join What about the fucking losing in school that would walk around with that stupid plat thing Do you remember that? Oh, you'd have dress up day and you'd see these fuckwits Have the little plat the plat for this the yeah, who does that? I'd have never been from there Come on brown. No, that's stupid brown. I thought you had one So anyway enough enough That's kind of brought an end to questions I guess doesn't it all right, and that's questions if you want to answer your questions YouTube channel. All right, let's do the pyro box Pyro box is where we open you shit that you send us live every fucking time So no matter what it is. We'll open it live. We don't know what it is pyro box 256 take them 4018 it's written right there send us some weird shit because we open it live. This is from Hoopa And he leaves at What the fuck is that Is it a torch? Oh, it's a torch we press a button So someone's drawn us some pictures And it was quite nerve-wracking opening our mail from the fans because you never know what you're going to get Oh, okay. So there's some really pretty pictures here. You know who this is Is this a guy that hates mad No, and you just dropped a little note marty you just dropped a little written note Oh, he has not How do you know because he said Fuck he's must be just no way he's been is he being sitting there Just looking at the package sitting on my side table for Weeks look at this man. That's it. That's probably me. Well, this is the plans On how oh on how he did our paintings the doodling of how he came up There's you Fuck One of our Mates is a very talented artist and he did some paintings for us Dave Hoopa And he's just sent us all the doodlings. I think of how he's come up with Um our art pieces we have he made the paintings he did so there won't be any pubic hair or anything if you want Fucking cool art. God. I love mine and it's going to be in the reaction room your one Already is already Dave Hoopa. Does he have a website? He should Dave Hoopa Fucking makes the coolest shit Anyway, there you go. Plus is a good mate of ours. Yeah fucking. All right. Cheers, Dave We'll have a fucking look through them fucking later, brother. What's with the um pointer? So get pointed to your eyes Very good. All right Moving right along to the final Most explosive segment the final countdown. What was the idea with Margaret? Uh city council. We want to get plovers removed Yeah Good evening city council. This is Hello. My name is Margaret. I'm just calling. Um, we've had a rather troublesome plover um, that's sort of been um causing quite a bit of distress for my 14 year old son. Um, I was just wondering if there was any sort of humane way we could have that removed potentially or if we're just sort of going to have to put up with that till till the end of the season Um, I'm just going to have a look. I believe a plover may be a um native bird I'm pretty sure it is. Yeah. That's why I was just calling and it's um, it's getting quite aggressive. Yeah It's it's quite traumatic for my son brunt. Yeah Okay, um Now my understanding is that Yeah Relocating it may not be an option because it is a native animal But what I would do is I would call a queen's land government for general information about living with native wildlife Yeah, yep And I can give you the number which is 13 74 68 Second, so let me just get a pen one second certainly brunt Sorry, just one one second Sorry, go ahead Yeah, okay. Um, look, would you like me to transfer you through there now? No, look, that's okay. I just have a couple more questions if that's all right So are we um able to I know The people you want to transmit for me to might have some more details But are we able to potentially relocate the bird ourselves? Because I'm pretty sure the eggs have hatched and there's no longer any checks running around Um, I don't know that you would be able to relocate it because it's a native protected species If it's a native animal, they have protection Right. Yeah. Look, um, look, it's uh, it's bombing us pretty heavily and it seems to be Hitting my son on the head when it comes home from school Is there anything that we can do at all like maybe some protected headwear or something? Anything we can do Is there anything we can do or Sorry, I didn't understand half of that. Sorry. Um, is there any so it seems to be bomb diving my son Can I just ask is there a question that you're raising your voice? Is there a reason? Sorry. Sorry. I don't understand the question Is there a reason that you are raising your voice? Raising my voice. Sorry. Over the over the phone. I'm not following I'm not following what you're saying There's a lot of very loud dialogue happening intermittently. I'm just trying to talk to you or Well, yes, it's me talking. Yes Okay, it's just it's very very loud in my headset. Right. Um, yeah, sorry. Maybe I'll um Yeah, I don't know what to tell you darling. I'm just talking to you Um, like like I'm talking to you, but there's intermittent very loudness and yelling etc It's just hurting my ears at all. Maybe it's a bad line or connection or something. Yeah Oh, I don't know that it's a bad line or connection. Right. Yeah. Um, I'll look all um, I'll keep an eye out for it Anyway, um, so if it does happen again, I have to warn you that I'll have to connect disconnect. That's fair enough look That's fair enough. Oh would be exactly the same. Yeah. Yes. Okay. All right So, um, it is actually making that I have a valuable the bird itself is actually um, it's it's uh It's hurting my son on the head and he's coming home with little cuts Oh my god Oh Oh my god, I loved it. Oh man. Oh well at least like Anyway, what's that noise? China It's happening It's been good boys If this we we did die now boom God that would be so funny kidding. It's just a hospital helicopter. Anyway guys, that's the end of episode number 35 We're sorry about this one. We probably won't even post it. No, we have to okay We're gonna post it. Don't forget to like comment subscribe Actually, don't worry about commenting and liking just subscribe Yeah, and give us a five star review on spotify. You know, mr. B said that commenting does nothing Yeah, and liking does nothing It's crazy. Nothing watch time is all it matters So please watch the podcast all the way to the end even just play it and walk away. Yeah Really yep, when did he say that podcast? Which one? Number fickle in you didn't say it on Joe Rogan. Did he full-sand man? Anyway, be strong and be wise and don't ever let anyone be you We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best We're the best. We're the best. That's our worst of the season. That's our worst of the season Matt And that's your fault. Yeah Because of what you did at the start You butchered that lie. Yeah, it was pretty bad Oh, yeah See I just don't like lying the Jackson line. It wasn't natural for me Oh wait, I've got a way to finish it