 So we've been looking at the hindrances for the husband and wife to become a team, we've been also looking at what will really enable the husband and wife to become a good team. So we've been looking at some things and any questions so far, any challenging situations maybe, see one thing that I could think of was what if one person is willing and the other one is unwilling, that is always the case right, I mean not always the case but that could be a possibility, real possibility where one person is you know willing to work as a team and the other one is not and it could also happen in certain scenarios, one is willing, there are certain scenarios, the other one is unwilling, so it could happen. So the thing is you know for both the husband and the wife to have the understanding that we are one team, it also you know helps in the next chapter is about resolving conflicts, it also helps you know in that to know that we are on the same side of the table, right, we are not opposing each other, we are in the same team, we are working towards the same goals, right, so to have that understanding and that's why AMOS 3 and verse 3 talks about how you know can two people work together, walk together unless they are in agreement. So these are many things that you know the couple has to come in agreement, right, so well sometimes people do it through trial and error and you know they reach a stage we're saying okay this is working and this is not working and we need to you know we need to be in an agreement. Now we have so many resources, so many resources, so many ministries and when we look into the word of God we see so much of wisdom, the blueprint for marriage, the instructions, so it's it's best that we put that to practice, right, and you know if somebody is single to come to that place of agreement, right, saying that okay this is something that I need to put in practice in my life is if somebody is married to see where the gaps are, where things are missing and as you understand okay these are things that are not actually happening, so these are things that we need to you know come in agreement with, come in agreement too and then make that change, right, so you know a wonderful resource for married couple would be the marriage course you know apart from all these resources that are already there on marriage you know on the website, church website which the husband and wife can actually watch together and follow through and try to do these you know exercises which we have in the notes together that would be a wonderful way another resource which we which is there out there is something called the alpha you know the marriage course I think it's called the marriage course by alpha ministries which is also a great resource where it's I think they used to have this DVD I don't know if it's online I'm sure it must be so there's something for you know you can do it as couples like two three couples together and married couples together and then you know one couple facilitates that facilitates the discussion and then you know you do it you go through those go through the that content together and it can be a very rewarding you know enriching empowering time right it can be a time of healing it can be a time of well all those things coming to the surface you know well things have been pushed down neglected and and so it can be it can be a difficult thing in the sense you know when all that is brought out things that have not been said not been spoken not been discussed so that can be a difficult thing so it's good to you know do it with with someone else so you can get to hear their perspective and be objective about this it's a good thing right so just want to encourage those of you who are married you know you can always do this the alpha or you know the the series on Christian marriage and family which is there in our website right okay so yeah so any questions that you might have any questions at all anything that you might want to share okay so let's let's move on so we looked at you know these are attitudes that two big big ones right attitude that we need to have even as we work towards becoming a team you know and these attitudes really work you know in the work in the sense of these attitudes might work against some traditional views certain cultures it it would actually break those traditions break those well customs maybe and it will really question question some of the things that you know we've been doing so yeah but it's it's from the word so it's good to you know focus on it and take a look at it right but I think the PowerPoint may not have the slide yeah it's okay so let me just put the scriptures here okay so the first thing that we are going to look at is the servant heart in the servant heart which the Lord Jesus spoke about servant leadership servant heart so let's look at that servant heart and we're looking at Matthew chapter 20 and it was 25 to 28 Matthew 20 verses 25 to 28 so let's let's look at that scripture Matthew 20 and verse 25 you know the whole context is sons of Zebedee and the mother who comes and asks you know that her sons actually sit on the left and the right of the Lord Jesus in his kingdom okay so so the Lord responds to that and and the other disciples are very very angry they are displeased it says verse 24 and when the 10 heard it they were greatly displeased with the two brothers you know how can you really do this so then the Lord Jesus gives an instruction and also declares a very important truth so he says Jesus called them to himself and said you know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and those who are great exercise authority over them yet it shall not be so among you but whoever desires to become great among you let him be your servant and whoever desires to be first among you let him be your slave just as the son of man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many okay so so the the whole act or the act and and the heart attitude of serving and to have the attitude of a servant the message Bible that says so Jesus got them together to settle things down he said you've observed how godless rulers throw their weight around how quickly a little power goes to their heads it is not going to be that way with you whoever wants to be great must become a servant whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave now that is what the son of man has done he came to serve not be served and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage so you see that he came to serve the lord of heaven and earth the creator who brought things into existence who was there in the eternal past stepped into time and out of his great love his heart is to serve and and he says so himself he says the son of man came to serve and not to be served the son of man came to give his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage so that was his thing to give his life you know these are these are people who are who might respond who might not respond who might accept who might not who might receive who might not proceed but i'm going to do it anyway right i'm going to do the right thing i'm going to do this thing because this is what i came to do right so so many times you know to have a servant heart it's difficult because when you consider the other person to whom you want to be a servant okay now it's easy to be humble before humble people and extremely difficult to be humble before proud people people who are proud people who are who are not responding mutually you know who are not maybe respecting not even acknowledging your serving and then it becomes a problem right and it it's like you know i want to see that in them i want to see that response in them and then i can be a servant right so what if they are proud what if they are brash and you know not really acknowledging your your serving it becomes so much more difficult right but the Lord's example is this that i came to serve and it's not irrespective of how the response is going to be okay irrespective of whether it's going to be acknowledged irrespective of whether it's going to be uh applauded right people saying wow that's a great sacrifice thank you so much for doing it and well complimenting and you know if there's none of it if it goes un notice sometimes or maybe willfully then it's so difficult right to have a servant heart and then the flesh you know it rears up and we're like you know how dare she or how dare he and i'm doing all this i'm sacrificing all this and you know i've done all this and yet you know there's no there's no acknowledgement there's no simple thank you for all that i've done and it's so difficult become so difficult and we are so you know we're so angry we're so upset i'm saying okay i'm not going to do it anymore right but but this is what the Lord says it's not when things are fine not only when things are fine not only when we are you know we are applauded or we are our efforts are acknowledged it's not only in those times but it's it's in the difficulty of times right um the Lord Jesus again says in John chapter 13 let me put the verse there John 13 and versus 14 and 15 right it's on to John 13 verse 14 um if i then your Lord and teacher have washed your feet you also ought to wash one another's feet but i have given you an example that you should do as i have done to you okay it's interesting right verse 14 the Lord is saying if i then he's saying your Lord and teacher okay so he's saying okay i remain your Lord okay there's no change in that i am your Lord i am your teacher there's no change in that status because i've done this okay that's one thing that we see okay uh and the Lord is saying you know if if me being the Lord and teacher if i have done this for you right um he says if i have washed your feet which was um a very menial task to do especially in that culture in those times when everything was dusty and uh you know the roads were dusty and people wore sandals and you know it was it was it was a menial task but he did it so he took on the form of a servant you know he he laid aside his garments took a towel girded himself and he did this right so he says if i have done this to you then you also ought to wash one another's feet okay so so um so we see that the Lord has set an example okay it's it's not uh well it is the right thing to do it is uh irrespective of people's uh you know their response whatever it is um and over and above that we see that the Lord himself has set an example a pattern and he's saying you know if me being the Lord and teacher if i can do this to you you also need to do that so how much more you know if he's done it for his disciples and he's saying okay you do it for the others so we see that um then um so we see that okay this servant heart is something that i you know as a husband as a wife i really need to have this christ likeness you know it's it's really going to come in handy in a marriage situation it's going to be a lifesaver it's going to be a marriage saver right when we bring that into the marriage relationship it's going to build the team right uh husband and wife to be the team so so imagine if both the husband and the wife have a servant heart right saying i'm here to serve you i'm here to honor i'm going i'm going to i'm here to you know serve right and and that is what we want right that is what scripture uh the truth is um which is uh which is going to be a beautiful wonderful uh design god has actually you know uh created and and and that is what he wants for the christian home and that's what the lord wants between the spouse um between the husband and the wife okay so we see something beautiful so the husband being the head okay you see the divine design the husband being the head being the the head at the same time is also the servant okay okay so so the leadership doesn't change like it's not a position to be flaunted it's not a position to be you know it's not meddle to be worn a badge of honor i'm saying wow and you know i'm this and kneel before me you know kind of thing but it is something that we uh you know that's god's design so we humbly receive it and at the same time we you know we follow right okay so let's look at the second one so one first we saw was servant heart um um just give me a minute sorry can you just give me a minute please just one second sorry sorry for the interruption yeah the second thing that we see is a mutual submission okay mutual submission so you know submission when we think of submission of course uh we see that instruction exhortation wives be submitted to your own husbands um and we see that in efficiency five but we let's let's go to efficiency five uh while that is true and you know that is a biblical instruction we also looked at you know what submission is not you know what uh that it is it is not saying that okay uh you know no matter what not be used as a dough mat not losing your individuality uh it's a submission it's a it's a willing submission in response to loving leadership right we we saw that so we know that this is this is the right thing to do but we also see that efficiency five uh sorry um and verse 21 you know even before uh we read about the instruction to the wife to submit to the husband we see in verse 21 submitting to one another okay um you know from verse 15 we say okay walk circumspectly redeeming the time do not under do not be unwise don't be drunk with wine give thanks always for all things to God etc and then coming to that place verse 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God so this mutual submission is also going to help it's going to go into help in the husband and wife becoming the becoming a team you know a force to reckon with right becoming a team and really literally you know making the home a place of a place of heaven and earth right so mutual submission so you're submitted to one another it is not just um just leaving uh it's not just just one person submitting the other person uh you know not submitting to the other no we're submitting to one another why and how because of our reverent fear of God okay so um well and this is something that I think we irrespective of what tradition what customs what culture you know this truth transcends all that right um they turn a truth of God's word so so irrespective of all that you know which might which might really you know hit at some of those things that we um follow you know I think I've shared that uh I remember getting um you know um just got married okay from the church um just went home we didn't change or anything you know just went home and had some refreshments and home was about five minutes away so went home had some refreshments and went back to the the wedding reception okay just in the same menu and just outside the church um so so in between that you know I'm just coming here and then going and then I you know I don't know if I shared with you all but then uh a cousin of mine I know senior to me so he's saying that uh you know you know Jax you need to be you know you know you know you need to be you know you need to take charge right just don't give him you need to take charge you need to show who's the boss uh you know that you're a you're a soft spoken guy so you need to show who's the boss in this and uh and thank God you know thank God for the marriage preparation that I had uh you know gone through looked at the world of God and all that so so I just I just smiled and you know nodded my head and this you know just I just went my way but but the fact is this you know that that's that's the popular thing you know that's the popular uh message that's going around you need to take charge you need to be show who's the boss you know um you know you need to call the shots well it's a direct contradiction to what the Lord Jesus wants right so well your leadership doesn't change your position husband for the position you know the divine placement the divine order that doesn't change what are you saying you be submitted to one another in the in the sense that uh you know there are times when um you know you there are times yes the wife will uh ultimately you know be submitted to the you know the leadership of the husband but it's a loving leadership so there is a discussion it's it's not like um you know a um no autocratic voice it's not just a one thing that that says okay husband has said it and that said no more no more questions no more discussions no it's not that right ultimately giving so that's the thing you know after all these space for discussion and everything ultimately yielding to okay let's go with this let's go with leadership of the husband so that's that's the picture and it's beautiful if every married couple in every home you know can walk in this truth right okay so mutual submission so these two are big big things right so and as people preparing to get married um it'll really it'll really empower us you know it's not a place of weakness to have a servant heart it's not a place of weakness to be mutually submissive to one another it's a beautiful it's a beautiful thing and since it's God's design it's wonderful it is good and the designer of marriage has designed so that it will work it'll work well if carried out it will work well if obeyed it'll work well um and this is how God designed okay so um so that's the heart attitude for the husband and the wife becoming a team okay so the next thing that we see is um exciting uh you know exciting thing sorry that we sees that well it is not just a team in you know household shows or responsibilities but becoming a kingdom team okay so what does that mean which means that okay your wife your life is or your marriage is is way beyond the the ordinary you know day-to-day things uh okay we got married we uh we're doing life together we have children and then we you know we get them educated and okay we have family all you know all that is beautiful wonderful it's part of it but there's something that goes beyond that okay which is uh the fact that God has uh you know has this in store that uh the husband and wife are a team for the purposes of the kingdom okay so when we're thinking of becoming a team we're also thinking of this aspect for the purposes of the kingdom uh for the purposes of and the plans and the dreams that the king has okay so so that's the you know the more exciting part right that's the that's a bigger picture and that really enhances our vision of our enhances the purpose of marriage right it gives so much meaning so much purpose um you know for the marriage or marriage marriage relationship right so let's look at a few things here um okay so there's a bigger purpose there's a I I'll just put the verses here so there's a bigger purpose than the purpose is that that we fulfill the plans fulfill the the dreams that the king has for us in touching the lives of many in touching the yeah you know in in really the way the purpose for which he has commissioned us you know in Genesis chapter 1 verse 28 the Lord Jesus I mean God really commissioned Adam and Eve said go be fruitful multiply replenish subdued have dominion over the earth okay so that is true and we also saw in first Peter 3 and verse 7 that the husband and the wife are joined as of the kingdom okay joint is um which means that you know as is to receive our inheritance as is to fulfill the calling okay so first Peter 3 and it's verse sorry first Peter 3 and verse 7 right as being is together of the grace of life so in giving the instruction dwelling with understanding and honor is bringing out this very important truth that because you are actually as together of this grace of life so so the thing is for us to okay so far maybe you know we you discovered you pursued God and you seeked you know his will to find out God what is my you know what is my purpose what are my plans what is my calling okay individual call well and and maybe you're you know walking in it or you have to discover it and you know we're all in different stages right maybe stepping into the fullness of it but the fact is to first thing is to discover the individual call and and then also to blend okay you have this call it's unique you have this purpose you have these giftings you have been anointed for this now I have this this is my call this is um you know God has called me for this now how can I how can we work together for the purposes of the kingdom you know how can we bring these together for the purposes of the kingdom so that's what the team does you know so whatever the team the strengths the individual strengths of the team members enhances the collective strength of the team if you look at it there's edification there is you know everything that is comfort so each part you know when we look at one Corinthians 12 and also Romans chapter 12 and so Ephesians 4 you see that okay each part does its share right and to give strength and to receive strength okay and that's why we are a body so the same thing would apply for the husband and wife with the call with the with the gifting right and not just ministering to each other but also collectively together to minister for the sake of the kingdom okay so to talk about that okay so it it's um so this you know we need to understand that well the calling need not be the same in the sense the way the person is gifted will need not be the same okay one person is gifted maybe in you know in highly visible ministry pulpit he's talking to people's spiritual ministry but maybe the other person is is not like that you know maybe the that person is gifting is something else maybe it's helps and administrations maybe it is something else altogether okay maybe it's compassion right maybe it's giving we see a mix of all that so if that is the case then then there's no question of comparison there's no question of saying okay one is better than the other and again there's no question of this these differences causing conflict or division or competition okay so conflict competition division should not come as a result of the different gifting you know which is what paul writes right in one coin things 12 and 13 and 14 he says okay you know these these are different games of the same spirit the same god same holy spirit different kinds of ministries the same lot okay different kinds of functions but at the same holy spirit so let it be for the edification of the church right so therefore in a in a in a marriage relationship you there's no you know there's no question of saying okay why can't you be like me why can't you do this well the person maybe they are so uniquely gifted to do you know in that space in that realm of influence so acknowledge that and I recognize that okay it's another thing to encourage them to step out and to discover the giftings this one that's that's a different thing okay maybe that person is you know just still growing in maturity and maybe they've not discovered certain things gifts and callings and all that and and maybe as a you know as a fellow believer and you know maybe as a mature believer you're helping them to discover encouraging them to discover that's that's a different thing okay but if a person says okay this is what I'm you know this is I this is my strength this is my call this is my gifting and I want to pursue this right so there's no question of comparison competition conflict or division because of that right okay so there needs to be support there needs to be encouragement mutually okay and it can really free the person to be who they want to be okay really I'm just looking at my own life and how you know my wife has really helped in this area like where she said yeah this is this is who God has called you to be so just go for it go all out you know whether it's you know those days I'm just talking about you know where we are just so hungry and we just used to go for a several meetings and just you know searching for the right church and searching for the right place to be planted in and and it was always complete freedom you know when it came to ministry when it came to you know doing things she was always encouraging and she is always encouraging saying you know just go do it you know this is what God is called go do it I'll take care of things here you know I'll take care of things whatever needs to be done otherwise home otherwise you know don't worry need to go just go so that gives so much of freedom so much of freedom and so we're able to pursue it saying okay God I just want to thank you thank you for this thank you for this pause and thank you for you know for all that you've put in her and you're just grateful to God for this right so so there's there needs to be support and encouragement for each other and to understand that you know personally individually and also as a you know collectively as a couple we are living life in seasons right so there could be a season where maybe I was looking at my own life you know like there will be we have a daughter and she was just at that stage where she needed a lot of care and support and you know so we well did we do a lot of things in terms of ministry to some extent whatever we could right but we just needed to understand that yes you know this is a season I was working and my wife was not working as in working as in you know in an office kind of a setting of course from home she was so just to understand that yes you know these are these are the this is the call of God this is these are the gifts that God has put in me these are the abilities that I have but I'm in this season of life where right now I'm not able to step out and you know be all that responsibilities that God has given me right now are kind of different okay I need to be a mother I need to be a you know make sure there's some nurturing and all that happens and but there will come a time then I can step out okay so you are so as a couple you understand that right as husband and wife you understand that saying okay it's it's a season it's got a time frame it's there's a there's a starting point and end point of the season there's a transition into another season yet another season right so so let's get ready for that let's but let's live this season content happy you know joyful let's not complain oh things used to be so good and now you know this things are very restrictive I'm not able to do I don't have freedom no it's a season right we may not be able to do everything that we that we used to do and we were single you know that's another thing right some people say you know this marriage is a problem I when I was single I used to you know I used to go there do that I could do this I could pray for so many hours you know I could drop off a hat I could just leave I could travel like yeah absolutely but now it's a it's a change in season you know there's the same God who you know took you through that season is taking you through this season I acknowledge that I understand that that this season two will come to a transition and there will be another season and so walk in step with the Lord during that season right acknowledge what the responsibilities are right knowledge the fact that this season will have its you know it's it comes with its roles it comes with its responsibilities and there are certain things that well that you that you won't be able to do there are certain things that you will be able to do right so understand that right so understand the seasons understand the transitions and and you know don't impose on the other person you know for example one could be in a season of amazing spiritual growth as a believer just growing learning well the other person maybe you know personally they're just going through some bereavement maybe maybe they are you know in the season that they are it's not similar right so don't impose that don't say don't look down on that right encourage support one another through that season don't force the you know the spouse to do the same thing that you are doing okay that is not correct either right so celebrate support one another and God will bring the increase as God brings the increase you know support celebrate each other's growth you know one very important thing that we need to understand is not to live for the applause of people right in the sense you know as a couple we're talking about kingdom right doing things for the sake of the kingdom doing things you know being a team for kingdom purpose so which means we talk ministry and there could be various ways that as husband and wife you're serving so you know typically when you're serving together as a ministry team people have expectations they're based on their understanding of what ministry is like people have expectations and I remember very clearly when I took over the responsibility as pastor after you know of a location after after the season of being there and then coming back and then this this senior person just came and spoke to me and said you know you know I know that you minister and do all this but you know please tell your wife to minister to you know he had two daughters and grown up daughters and to mentor them to minister to them and and all that and then I just told I just told him this you know thank you for the suggestion but you know she has a different call different gifting certainly you know she will be in touch etc but I just want to tell you that her her strengths and the way God is called her and things that God has called her to do could be different you know is different so I just want to tell you about that but she will do all that she needs to do you know within that call you know so so he understood that he said oh yes yes I understand so people have expectations you know in all sincerity well-meaning folks but they have expectations okay if it's let's say you know pastoral team or pastoral couple they say they have their expectation okay the pastor then pastor's wife needs to be this you know I remember you know the place where I come from okay if the pastor's serve you know the pastor of the church then the pastor's wife has to be in charge of the women's ministry the pastor's wife has to be involved in you know Sunday school children's church pastor's wife has to be has to serve on you know all these kind of expectations right well what if the pastor's wife is called for something else to be an engineer to be a software engineer right to be in the medical profession to be what if so the traditional view is that well the pastor that the pastor's wife needs to do this not necessarily and the traditional view is also that okay pastor's son you know needs to take over pastor's son needs to continue the ministry not necessarily right so I remember again at at funerals well-meaning pastors senior pastors you know coming and let's say the pastor has you know has gone on to be with the lord and then the family is there the son is there and well-meaning pastors would you know senior folks would come and say you know son you now have to take on the mantle you now have to continue what your where your father has left off and and so on right now now that puts a lot of pressure unnecessary and at a time when they are emotionally you know down put unnecessary pressure on on on the person right so so the thing is this you know people's expectations are there well the son could be called to do something else the son could be called to business son could be called to do something else all together not not just pastor ministry right so understand that you know well if it's it's pastor ministry great but maybe the son is not called to take on and continue what the father has done right so many things so for god will speak god will god will lead and god will enable the person to do what they need to do and so you just need to pray and leave it at that right so while all these expectations are there so you as a couple as a ministry couple need to be aware that yeah people have expectations but what is it that god has called us what is it that god has called you right so that supersedes all of people's expectations and emotional pressures and especially with the kids you know poor kids what you know is okay pastors kids need to be like this no they're just normal kids they're growing up they they have you know they are mischievous they will have you know they will be they will break some rules they will be punished all that they'll go through the normal childhood you know they they cannot be angels or you know overnight just because they are pastors kids right so so that those things so be at peace especially when you're serving as well in life as a you know in the kingdom what is called you know as it is true that god uses those individual calls and individual gifting and blends that together to be a unique force for the kingdom of god well it's awesome just go with it do it but keep this in mind right okay a couple of things right so being a kingdom couple and uh like working for kingdom purposes um has some of the challenges challenges would be balancing priorities having in other words work life balance okay so as a husband and wife both are involved in ministry if you're you know doing you know the purpose of the kingdom well amazing awesome but also know what the priorities are also know that there is a family also know that your parents also you know understand that yes we need to balance this marriage cannot be neglected parenting cannot be neglected you know for the sake of kingdom purpose because the king who created and placed us in in this marriage and play orchestrate is his marriage placed is in the family is the same king calling us to work together so so we we bet us chew it well all that he's placed in our hands right not just the call but everything that he's placed in our hands um and be mindful of that right okay as parents you know are we spending time with the kids as husband and wife are we spending time with each other or are we just going to this meeting at the other or the speaking assignment and the other right are we intentionally uh making time for each other right so the um you know taking time for the family taking time out as a couple as a couple as a family spend time together maybe a vacation maybe you know day out one doesn't have to feel guilty about it right uh knowing fully well that okay this is our god this is our heavenly father and uh we need to steward it well and it requires time you know like we studied communication being intentional about it you know it requires time it takes time it takes trust you're building trust and one needs to be transparent so all this you know it involves time so it cannot happen automatically so and we just have 24 hours in a day right so we need to prioritize time for ministry for family for marriage and so on okay so this couple of other things yes one of the things that in agreement that a couple can do is to pray together bringing it brings a sense of togetherness it breaks down all those differences it breaks down you know all the attacks of the enemy you know when we praying together there is that oneness and and from the place of oneness when we pray we see that our prayers are unhindered right so and also in lastly in also bringing up children know that as a kingdom couple as a couple bring up children is also our responsibility it's not someone else's responsibility it's not their house help it's not that uncle that auntie that you know in laws or sometimes that happens right okay now we have you know children now you take care you know no it is our responsibility and a lot of times there's a lot of you know kids feel that and the deep wounds when as parents we don't spend enough time with kids right and after many years as adults kids say you know my father was just like a Santa Claus I used to see him at Christmas time he was away from home all the time yeah he brought gifts but he wasn't there when I needed him the most right people still say after all those years you know in their twenties in their thirties their forties even he will still carry that I wanted that council and I was searching and he wasn't there right so so that's the thing so as parents we can provide the best for our kids and one of the things that we can provide is to be there is to be there in order to take our parenting a God given as a God given privilege and to and to steward that well okay so we'll stop here so we looked at teamwork and how to become a team and dealing with some of those hindrances and also becoming a team for the purposes of the kingdom which is the you know exciting the bigger picture of of marriage even ministering together husband and wife okay so we'll stop here and the next class we'll continue okay next class is a it's it's about conflict I think somebody asked about conflict and they said to hold on I think I don't know if it was Anita or someone so yeah so we're gonna look at conflict and you know how to deal with it the fact that conflicts happen one cannot escape but there's a way of dealing with conflicts okay so we'll stop here and then we'll meet in the next class thank you God bless bye