 Abandonment is a strong word. No one wants to be abandoned, but a pervasive fear of abandonment is something that can be picked up on and addressed by a licensed therapist. Here are a few ways you can spot a fear of abandonment in yourself. How does a fear of abandonment form? Examining the childhood of people with a fear of abandonment, one thing stands out. Loss. This loss could come in many forms. The loss of a close friend, a close family member, or divorce can all lead to a fear of abandonment. A study on the effect of divorce was published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology and another separate study on the effect of the loss of a parent was published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence. A common finding between both of these studies was the effect each event had on attachment and that both events were in origin for depressive symptoms. Other factors can contribute as well, such as constant ridiculing or a lack of physical affection. Children require a lot of love and care, but sometimes parents don't consider the long term effects of how they speak and act around their children. But a child can't look at you and say, hey, I have a fear of abandonment, so how else do we know a fear of abandonment is forming? Look at your attachment style. These can change over time, but can be present from your childhood into adulthood. This is a good indicator of a fear of abandonment, no matter what stage of life you're currently in. Abandonment issues and a fear of abandonment are a form of anxiety. People with a fear of abandonment typically show signs of an anxious or an avoidant attachment style. According to psychologist Dr. Francis Stevens, people with different attachment styles cope with emotions in different ways. People with an anxious attachment style have trouble controlling their response to emotions. People with an avoidant attachment style have trouble recognizing emotion. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might hate being alone, you might have a poor sense of self-worth, and you might constantly be aware of potential threats to your relationships. It may feel inevitable that your partner or close friends will leave you. In your relationships, you might constantly require validation or reassurance. Seeking reassurance is a normal thing from time to time, but a constant need for reassurance points towards a deeper insecurity that could potentially come from a fear of abandonment. Physical touch. If you feel like something is wrong in your relationship just because your partner hasn't reached for your hand, hugged you or kissed you in the last five minutes, you might have an anxious attachment style. Remember what we said earlier? A lack of physical affection can contribute to a fear of abandonment forming in your childhood. See how the way our childhood unfolds affects our lives? A study on affection deprivation by psychologist Corey Floyd found that being deprived of affection negatively affects us in many ways. Namely, general health, happiness, social support, and most importantly with regards to a fear of abandonment, relationship satisfaction and attachment security. We will always try to fill the voids we find in ourselves. We want words of reassurance and physical affection because it's a vital part of our upbringing that we never had, so we look for these things and the people we're closest with now. So, have you asked yourself if something has happened in your childhood that might have caused you to be afraid of abandonment? Is something happening now that makes you think that this fear is influencing your closest relationships? How will a fear of abandonment affect your future? A fear of abandonment doesn't have to define your relationships with friends and family for the rest of your life. All it means is that some people might think of you as clingy or needy and it can make relationships frustrating for you as well. It may feel like there's always something missing. You aren't getting enough affection or attention. Your friends don't care about you. Your family isn't proud of you. These thoughts build resentment. A fear of abandonment can cause you to grow distant and avoid building close relationships. According to communication experts, Craig Fowler and Megan Dillo, people with attachment styles that indicate a fear of abandonment often cause conflicts that result in their fears becoming a reality. It can be lonely. But there is hope. A fear of abandonment is something that can be identified by a licensed therapist. They can offer you tools that will aid your journey through your fears and lead you to a place where your relationships can feel more complete. Aside from professional help, your partner should be someone who is understanding and present. Try to talk to them about your fears and the things they can do to feel present. And if you are the partner or friend of someone who has a fear of abandonment, you could use your words in reassuring your partner. According to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, couples with insecure attachment styles tend to have worse communication. So if you or your partner has a fear of abandonment, communication should be a major focus with the goal of making one another feel secure. You're only human. You can get distracted or busy and can't give your partner attention 24-7. So whenever you have a chance, just tell them you love them or send them a text saying you're thinking about them. It can't hurt to do this regardless of whether or not they have a fear of abandonment. Just bear in mind that a person with a fear of abandonment may just require a little more attention. Try to become familiar with the anxious and avoidant attachment styles to better understand what they might be thinking and feeling in order to avoid conflict. So do you or a loved one struggle with a fear of abandonment? Share some tips that have helped you in the comments below. Remember to leave a comment if you found this video helpful or interesting and subscribe to Psych2Go for more content like this. Thanks for watching!