 want to read to you, I want to read to you two comments, I want to read to you two comments that I had received on YouTube and which I think deserve full citation. One comment was by Adam and the other one was by Red, let's call him this way. So I want to start with the with a comment by by Red and it's a heart-breaking comment. He's referring to the video that to be an narcissist hurts and it's humiliating and he says Sam this video explains my life. It's depressing to hear but even more depressing to live. I know deep down inside that no one is home. I don't exist. I'm usually in a collapsed state fluctuating between emptiness and emotional turmoil unless I have a girlfriend which eventually she leaves me usually rather cruelly for someone who actually does exist and then I never hear from them again unless they need to use me for money or something else. Anyone is better than me because they exist and I don't. I've gotten to the point now in my 30s and my most recent collapsed state that I no longer leave my house or interact with anyone. I have not spoken to anyone in person for two months now and I'm emotionally crippled from my most recent collapse and do not want the world to see my failures or rather for me to see my failures through the eyes of the world which is modification yes. Even more so to avoid seeing those more successful than me to see that to see that other people more successful is a knife in my heart. I also deleted all my personal social persons social media for the same reason. Additionally the rapid oscillation I experience between covert and overt thinking is maddening. I can go from one hour bathing in grandiosity of my own goals, fame, wealth, lovers returning to me to the next hour completely dead inside doing self-destructive behaviors alcoholism reaching out to people who do not care about me ex-lovers and so on calling phone psychics to help to hopefully mirror me. And this cycle sometimes happens multiple times a day. I do not believe I can pull myself out of this collapse this time. I cannot garner the supply I need to exist anymore. This is due to getting older probably and my recent career failings. I also cannot replace the quality of supply I've had in the past model level women and high income. So I probably just end up drinking myself to death in isolation over the next five years most realistically. It would be better than living in my own shadow forever. I know I can't change. There is no me to change. I've been like this since I was 13 or so but my ability to gather supply to garner supply and semi-successfully make my own delusions come true. I was able to feel alive up until about the age of 30 with many severe and lengthy collapses between the years but still. So I know change won't happen for me. So there is only two outcomes for my life. Success and get the supply I need. Wealth women etc. and feel my blood pump again or become completely schizoid and never leave my house again. There are no other options for me. I know this deep inside deep down inside. I hope I succeeded the first one but even being schizoid and never leaving my house is preferable to regular life as I cannot function in it and it causes me immense emotional distress to live as a normal person. I have to be massively successful and if I'm not then I will hide away from the world women people life itself instead and possibly forever. To other people reading this having this disorder is living hell. I personally was not big on the lying or abusing side of having the disorder as I was usually collapsed but having this disorder is like living in a perpetual nightmare that you can never escape. Knowing you don't exist is horrifying. Looking in the mirror and seeing no one is there. It's even more horrifying when you realize that someone else has discovered that you do not exist. When someone realizes you don't exist they want to get away from you like Sam said. Even treat you as an object because in a way you are. It makes it easy for people to use you. Yes I do feel emotions but mostly painful ones emptiness anger anxiety depression paranoia then on a really profound day bottomless shame with an occasional spike of euphoria and adrenaline supply if I'm so lucky. But those emotions while they make me feel like I exist when they're absent so am I. They no longer cover up the glaring void of myself. Who could love someone who doesn't exist. It is like loving an Android a programmed human someone who will never be the real thing. You can't love an Android. You can only use the Android. When people finally discover that you are this Android of a man they will begin using you taking advantage of you without guilt. How can one feel guilt for abusing an object also because I know I'm an Android. It helps them offering myself to someone only myself is of no value and so I must compensate with wealth loops worldliness or talents at least then for her she might get something out of the relationship for as a person only as a person I'm unlovable and probably even repulsive a complete nothing. So this is this is a very very harrowing and horrible horrible description of what it feels like to be a narcissist and I wanted you to to see and hear that this is not only me because people keep keep thinking that when I make a video it's about me it's autobiographical it's not it's based as I said on thousands of interviews over the years 1 billion data points I am summarizing for you the total experience of all narcissists all over the world so don't don't just say ah that's Sam that's not just Sam you heard just heard another another narcissist telling you what this is and this leads me to nothingness I propose nothingness is is an antidote to narcissism so first of all I made a nothingness playlist you can go on my channel and now you have a playlist with all the videos of nothingness so you can watch them start from the bottom and go up and someone asked me is Heidegger's design is it a forerunner of mindfulness and and so on is it forerunner of my nothingness does it represent my nothing the sign is a forerunner of mindfulness and of some existentialist concepts and it is a Cartesian concept in essence the sign is how we experience being how we experience existence my principle of nothingness takes the sign for granted the sign is like a foundation my principle of nothingness is the house that stands on the foundation it is the next stage it is what you do with your being how not how to not let others appropriate your being your existence your sense of self-worth the universe couldn't care less about you and no part of the universe is connected to all the other parts imagine if one part of your smartphone would have been connected to all the other parts or one part of your television one part of your computer when one part is connected to all the other parts it leads to a dysfunction to a breakdown parts of firewall they're walled off from other parts you have no impact in Bangladesh no one is aware of your existence and when you cease to exist it will have zero impact in the vast overwhelming majority of this earth which is nothing but a speck of dust in the universe so no the universe whatever it is doesn't care about you about your existence or lack of existence and you are not connected to anyone or anything let alone to a single unit a finite mind which is your mind and my mind a finite mind cannot know anything can know nothing about an infinite mind like God's my view of God is that it is the it is humanity's false self it's a grandiose projection it's the imaginary friend humanity is in a primitive infantile state so it had invented the false self and called it God but even if God were to exist is infinite and he has an infinite mind what can your mind know about it I keep I keep watching evangelicals and other self-styled gurus telling you God wants you to do this God thinks that this God disagree how on earth do you know anything about God isn't this the epitome of grandiosity hubris and narcissism and if it is unconscious by definition it's not known and can never be known all statements every single fake con artist who tells you that you are part of the universe part of a big unity that God cares about you that you can know your own unconscious and these are lies prevarications these people are crooks they are using your brain dead existence your brain dead design to enrich themselves wake up people you are being abused and exploited by narcissists who pretend to be empaths or empathic people or possessed of some special access to God to the universe to some occult mysterious esoteric knowledge they are laughing all the way to the bank it your unfathomable profound idiocy trust me on this I correspond with many of them