 some of them have parents that they said they just can't talk to about what they're actually going through. Some of them said they have parents who told them to come and tell us anything, talk to us about anything, but when they did that the reaction was so negative or left them feeling so negative when they went to their rooms they said I never want to do that again. So now I'm just going to put my head down and just bear with it until like the other brother said I'm off to college soon so I'm out of there. So another one was that a theme that they felt was God forgives but my parents don't. God forgives but my parents don't. Tova or repentance is one of the primary gifts of religion besides like knowledge of God himself the gift of religion is repentance a mechanism by which we can right our wrongs and so we're actually taught that we should be forgiving to the degree we want a law to forgive us. That's a principle to to memorize and live by. Forgive others to the degree you wish a law will forgive you. Also a big one was the inability to compromise. Learn to negotiate certain things with your children especially when it comes to things that are not explicitly forbidden by the religion. Learn to negotiate. A big theme was driving wanting to drive and honestly it's something I'm personally terrified of. I helped my wife and I we partnered in helping one of our daughters drive and after that I told her I'm never doing that again. So now from our youngest daughter who is now you know eager she saw her big sister be able to drive now she's been so eager and hyped to drive. I told my wife honestly that's you. It's not me and that was fair. We negotiated. I was up front when my daughter do not take it personally. It's just that I did not enjoy the enjoy the experience of teaching your older sister how to drive. It was too terrifying. It caused me too much anxiety. It was affecting our relationship negatively and so I just can't do it. Come to us. But we negotiate especially for things that are not forbidden in the religion. Your children want to do certain things. Learn to have that discussion. Well hey maybe if I let them do this that will actually empower them positively in the in the area that I would like them to see them have growth in. One person was like I want to be able to drive. I love cars. I'm very passionate about cars. But they said I got to get a 3.5 and then a 4.0 and I don't mean the engine. Okay. So it's like you know as a parent well you know maybe if I give them some flexibility it will actually instill a sense of confidence that my parents trust and love me and that was spillover into improvements in other areas. Also stop comparing to other quote unquote perfect family members was a big one. They referenced you know a certain cousin or older was a who falls so it was like they're always being compared. Your child is your child meet them where they are and have an attitude like I say in my household our way is to build up not tear down. Do not tear your kids down. You are the means by which they came into the world. They're one of your most precious assets. If you have a kid that means you signed up for that. So take that as your prize possession and let them feel like you are they are the star of your life. Like I'm always telling my daughters I'm your biggest fan. I'm your biggest fan. You should be the biggest fan of your children and not be afraid to sit down and level with them meet them where they are and not act like it's just all about you. It's not all about you when you got married it's cease being all about you. Marriage is a compromise situation. You have to write compromise and negotiate with your husband. You have to compromise and negotiate with your wife. Right. Same thing with your children is not just this constant top down because what that's doing is making them check out and that's the last thing you want them to do. You want yourselves to be the first check in. So I challenged the boys. I said I'm just challenging you to have that just so you know moment with your parents. Just say just so you know mom or dad. When you talk to me this way when I do come to you you make me feel so negative. I never want to talk to you again. Does any parent like to hear that from their child? No. No. So I challenged them to have that conversation and I also bring it and put it back in you all's court. Have that conversation. Have that just so you know conversation with your kids. Hey just so you know I actually love you and care about you. I just have a hard time understanding your culture. The way the environment that you're growing up in I can't relate with that. I can't relate with the type of music you listen to the type of artist you listen to. If you say the word rap I just add a C in front of it automatically. Okay. So be willing to have that conversation. I'm challenging you to have that. Let's just be real with each other conversation to be willing to admit as a parent. You know I'm just treating you the way my parents treated me for better or for worse. And maybe that's not working. I'm just disciplining you the way my parents discipline me and maybe that's not working. Have that conversation because at some point the relationship has to be genuine and real. It has to be genuine and real. If not it's just you're raising they're looking at you as a hypocrite and it breeds hypocrisy in themselves too.