 The makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Psy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Mash with Alan Reed as the swallow. As a chanel, Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum is giving daily enjoyment to millions of people all over America, in offices and factories, on farms and ranches, in mines and oil fields. Folks find that chewing Wrigley's Spearman helps them feel better and work better. The makers of Wrigley's Spearman gum are glad that their product is proving helpful and enjoyable to so many people, and they're glad too that they're able to bring you life with Luigi because they know it's the kind of a radio program that millions of Americans enjoy. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama basco in it. Mummy, every day I'm gonna get to feel more and more like the American. Hi, you should have seen me, Mamma Mia. I'm a dresser like American, I'm eater like American, I'm a talker like American. And I'm even the one, the biggest American I have. I read the newspaper and I walk across the street at the same time. Has there been a thing about the American, Mamma Mia? He's got a big heart. And every time he's eating a restaurant, he's a live, 10% tip for the waiter. And this time, well, it was a do. Just a little while ago, I had a coffee and a donut in a restaurant. Checker was a 10% but I'm a real American. I'm a live 11. I'm gonna show you how much American I'm becoming, Mamma Mia. I'm even interested myself in a baseball. You know, I remember the first time in Chicago, I'm a thought the man who sells the newspaper was running a laundry on the side because all the time everybody is asking, Mamma, how is it the White Sox, the donor? And at the end of Mamma Mia, I'm gonna get a letter and it's making me feel so proud. Here was a letter from an antique dealer in South America. That's a big association I've joined in the last year. And they say they're gonna have big dance in a hotel and I'm gonna get a card that's inviting me and a Mrs. Abasco. Mr. and a Mrs. Abasco. But it must have been a mistake of this Mrs. Abasco because I guess they don't know you're still in Italy. But then I'm gonna realize that they must have mean to my wife. Yeah, mean to my wife. It's a feel of funny. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale. What's that letter you got there, little banana nose? It's an invitation of Pasquale to dance. Yeah, from my association. Antique Delays of America. That's wonderful, Luigi. And when you took it out on a dancer floor, everybody's gonna be watching. Well, if I'm gonna go with Rosa on a dancer floor, they gotta watch you because there's gonna be no room in a dancer. Besides, I'm not gonna bring Rosa. This invitation is for me and Mrs. Abasco. Well, that's a nothing, the two dollars and the ten minutes in the city hall that couldn't have fixed up. What do you say, little cabbage-puss? No. That's a no answer. Well, I'm gonna give you three good reasons for Pasquale. First the place, I'm gonna love Rosa enough. Come on, get down to the real reason. Second the place, I'm not ready to get the money. Stop stalling, come to the real reason. Third the place, she's too fat for me. Where? Where's she fat? In the first, the second and the third the place. I brought you to America, remember? I sent you up in the sand, take the shopper, remember? I lend you money when you go broke. I'd do a million things if you would why. You think it because I got a big heart? No, because you got a big daughter. Hannah, don't try to scare me into taking a Rosa Pasquale because you can't. It's a free country. I'm gonna take anybody I want. Luigi, it's a break from my heart to hear you talking like that. I guarantee you, if you marry Rosa just the once, she's gonna lose a hundred pounds if I'm jumping with a happiness. No, no, not the Rosa. If she gets married, then she's gonna be happy and then she's gonna gain a weight. All right, so marry her and make her miserable. No Pasquale, we're wasting the time. Besides, I'm gonna go to my night school. Wait, wait, Luigi, think over. One of the Rosa was the promise of you herself. She would take off her weight in time for a dance. That's impossible. You don't believe her, huh? What do you believe if you heard it straight from the horses' mouth? You mean a Rosa herself? Uh-huh. I've got to call her in, Luigi. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! Give me my little buddy cup. Rosa, Luigi's are going to a big antique dance soon. He has in two weeks. Uh-huh. Rosa, how would you like to go to his antique dance? But, Papa, I don't like to dance with antiques. Oh, for Rosa, Luigi said that he might have be willing to marry a certain party if they didn't mind a hundred pounds of being a reduced. But, Papa, why should Luigi want to reduce a hundred pounds? Not a Luigi, you! Oh, Rosa, go back to the kitchen. All right. No, just to go back and stay out of the kitchen. All right. You go back. But I see you just got to answer. Now I'm gonna go to the night school. No, wait, wait, Luigi, don't go yet. You can help her, Rosa. I'll take her with me. Let her mix it with her people. That's going to make her such a big improvement. After all, how much can she lie and hang around with Ignorama Pussies like you and me? But, well, don't drag me into it. And go back. No, wait, take her Luigi. You're going to be surprised with what a big impression that she's going to make on that dance floor. You're going to be surprised, I tell you. Impression on a dance floor. She'll make a big one. That's the only effort. She's a fool on it. Mr. Basso? Well, I wonder what's keeping him away. Mr. Howard? How should I know what's keeping Luigi away? I was just continuing the roll call. Oh, please, excuse me for being late this morning, but one of my confidant, one of my squalliers have called me again, Ramirez, because I'm going to want to make a Mrs. Bross and Mrs. Basco after she's going to dance with the antique in my association. Oh, Luigi, are you for shimmers? Let's have some quiet. And if no one else wants to return to their lessons, I do. Look at him. He can't wait to make a pestle himself with his intelligence. All right, Mr. Scholl, that'll be all. Claes, I asked you to study the chapter on Andrew Jackson in your history books. Now, let's see how much you've learned. Mr. Horowitz, please tell us when and where Andrew Jackson was born. Slightly. Jackson was born in America. What part? All of him. No, no, Mr. Horowitz. What part of America? What state? Oh, oh, not Carolina. Go on, what year? What year what? What year was he born? You mean Andrew Jackson? Mr. Horowitz, are you stalling? Stalling? This filibuster will make history. All right, Mr. Scholl, you may answer the next question. By what nickname was Andrew Jackson known? Well, it was something with old... old hiccuping. Are you sure? Am I right? Yes. Then I'm sure. Now, let's continue, please. Mr. Olsen, can you tell us something about Andrew Jackson's early life? Oh, that would be my extreme pleasure. Would you like me to talk about his marriage or go back to his first yarn or further back to his school days or before that? Why don't you start with the name of the hospital he was born in and how much he weighed? Will you stop acting like a bore? Or, when you stop acting like a bore? Another remark like that, Mr. Schultz, and you may leave. Continue, Mr. Olsen, anywhere you wish. Thank you. Andrew Jackson was a major general in the United States Army. He won several gigantic battles against the British and the Indians and in 1828 he became president. I might also add Andrew Jackson instituted the spoil system in politics. Well, I'm glad you brought that up, Mr. Olsen. Mr. Bosco, what brought on the spoil system? The... Huh? What started the spoil system? That the refrigerator system. It doesn't say much, but when it does, it's a lullaby lousy. Mr. Spaulding, I'm sorry, Mr. Spaulding, but I can't think today. Not no can, Mr. Bosco. I can't think today. Oh, you too, huh? I was correcting your English, Mr. Bosco. It's abominable. Now you see, you agree with Mr. Spaulding I'm making an amorous. What the right time I got to turn down a rosset to the dancer without even thinking? Oh, just a minute, Mr. Bosco. I was a little hard on you. Take it easy, you little Vino Schnitzel. You once took Rosa to a dance, if I remember. Yeah, I remember too. All night, I felt like I was trying to push with the Empire State to building a back of two inches. All right, if you remember that, then why are you angry with yourself or refusing to take it this time? Well, I heard of it because... because I must say the no. I didn't mean it because she's a little fat. No. It's because, well... Well, with all those important people at the dance, I was afraid that she was going to say the wrong things and I couldn't help her because I'm so stupid in myself. Jevastro, I'm sorry. Really, I want to apologize for making you feel this way. After all, you're making every effort to improve. You're going to night school. At least you're facing your problem honestly. Why don't you tell Pascuali that's how you feel about the daughter? You will feel better and Pascuali will know. I think you're right. I'm a little better already, just thinking about it. Sure, I'm not going to tell Pascuali. Regent, I'll be sure you don't hurt his feelings. Yeah, you just got the handle of the whole thing with tack. That's all. Tack? What should I say to you? Well, you say, Pascuali, I would like to take Rosa to the dance, but I can't for a lot of reasons. First, she's too fat. And second, she don't dress right. And third, she's always laughing. And fourth, she always says the wrong thing at the wrong time. And fifth, him and Luigi, you take her. She's going to be the life of the party. Hi, Pascuali. I'm, I'm a lucky to talk with you. If you don't mind, strange. I ain't out of speaking at times with you. It's about the roast. Well, if you're certain the party is willing to talk and not a certain party is willing to listen. All right. Pascuali, please believe me when I say I owe you a lot for bringing me to America and helping me so much. Keep talking. And it's nothing I would like about it than to bring you good news. What's the good news? I'm still not going to take Rosa to the dance. Luigi, you take her the longest road to go nowhere. There's the door. See how quick you can get on the other side of it without opening it up. No, but what a minute, Pascuali. Let me finish. I like Rosa. Really. She's a sweet and kind, but... I might... Well, if I'm a stupid, at least I'm a try to do better. I'm a try to dress better. Well, Rosa is just a ross. She's a do nothinger. She's a just a ross. And then maybe someday she's going to double herself. That's the sound of spoken from the heart. That's right, it is. Luigi, I'll tell you what I do. I make a bargain with you. The dancers don't have to begin for two weeks yet. I'm going to concentrate everything that money can buy on Rosa for the next two weeks. If it don't make a no change, then it don't take her. But if it does, then will you take her? Sure, but what can you do? Everything. I read about her charm courses. I'm going to get somebody to learn English. She's going to reduce everything. All right, Pascuali. I'm going to wait for the scene, and I hope it'll work. It's got to work. Money can do anything. Believe me, when I get a tour of her, she's going to look better than a Maxifactor. I'm so glad I talked to you like this, Pascuali, because we really love each other. For me. For me, you're even going to change your daughter. That's all right, Luigi. For you, I'm going to create a Frankenstein. Before we return to life with Luigi, we'd like to mention that delicious Wrigley Spearman chewing gum is not only good, but also good for you. When you're feeling tense, you're working at a hard, fast pace. It's really a comfort to chew on a good, smooth peak. The easy pleasant chewing helps relieve that feeling of pent-up tension and gives you satisfaction. Then, too, the lively, long-lasting flavor of Wrigley Spearman helps keep your mouth moist and fresh. So you see that little stick of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum is not only enjoyable, but also helpful to you. Try it and see for yourself. Keep a package of refreshing, delicious Wrigley Spearman gum handy and enjoy chewing a stick from time to time every day. And now let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother, Anitta. Well, Mamma Mia, there's lots of crazy things that happen in the last ten days since the Pascuali's a promise to make a Russian to no girl. Firstly, he's a put on a 14-a-day diet. She should have lose weight, but if I'm a no-rosse, she's gonna take a 14-a-year. Then also, he's aboard a special exercise of things for her, like bicycle, like to stand still while you ride in a way, Anitta. And also, Pascuali's a higher, special lady. Yeah, she's a come-arounder to massage your rosé in a pinch in a rub house. Mamma Mia, roses have got so much to pinch in a rub, I take a Pascuali, but I got a three-lady. But it must be done a good, because all the day, I'm hearing how to scream Western Uncle Pietro's a goat when he's got his assailant caught in a fence. And then also Mamma Mia is a funny little fella with eye glasses. He's always coming around the house. Yeah, excuse me Mamma Mia, I'm seeing him now. He's going to Pascuali's store. Wait, I'm gonna ask him what's happening. Hey, did you call me, sir? Yeah, hello. I'm Luigi Bascuali, I'm a good friend of Pascuali. He's a hire you for his daughter. Well, yes, I'm her tutor. Oh, the tutor? Yes. What are you, a tutor? I'm her teacher. Yeah, I know, I know. You think I may get around with her, too? All right, so what do you teach to her? Oh, everything. The languages. Great. The dance. Toy. Oh, she's a delightful creature. Really? That girl has big potentialities. Oh, yes, she's a plentiful girl. But maybe with a diet, she's going to look nice and better, huh? Oh, she looks splendid now. And I happen to like that girl myself. Oh, I miss the tutor. How much should be your weight? 90 pounds. I suppose opposite to track. I tell you, watching that girl dance is a revelation. She has rhythm, feeling, and a certain likeness of food. Well, it's simply poetry and notion. Yeah, but if she's ever stepped on a poultry, is it going to stop with the motion? I'll do you a pardon. Did you say you were a friend? Well, it's sure I'm a friend. Mr. Marry, you know, believe in me. Roses are tipped in a way that you're just a because of me. Oh, good heavens. I can't see why. You! I must be going. No, no, no, no. If you're here to tell a truth, then... Luigi, my fellow boob. Oh, hello. Luigi, tell me. Who was that strange little character you were talking to? That's the fellow who's your cousin, isn't it? Uh-huh. He looks still enough to be a widow. Oh, Luigi. It's all over some neighborhood, but for a schvallier's doing with Rosa, just so you should take us to the dance. Diction lessons, dancing lessons, raise your head over here. Ah, sure, sir. Do you think it's a possibility to change a person in a suit? Why not? Ach, my Luigi. You know, I think you're a little afraid you might like the new Rosa. Well, how am I going to tell her? The way he's a hider, you would think she was the Adam's bum. You should be a half a schvallier tall. $100 is not invested in farm specialist, makeup expert, two dogs, figure specialist. Ach, let's face it. Rosa ain't a girl no more. She's a project. Sir, sir, sir, sir. Is it no possible if somebody could explain the way he's a walker, a stalker, or a laughter? And do you know how healthy a laughter is like the 12 o'clock lunch break? Ah, she, Ach, Luigi. Then you see the new Rosa's birthday. You might desire the change. It's wonderful. Tell you again? Uh-huh. I'm going to see my stalker sometimes if he pulls you up. See, I'm waiting. Two o'clock, sir, sir. All his friends are going to be there. Luigi, I'll tell you later today. Yeah, but, you know, sir, I'm going to have a sorority since the best possible is to get that idea. Well, no. Maybe we're going to see a girl who's beautiful, smart, charming, and affectionate. Ach, that means like a peasantess, Luigi. Smile! Be like me, always happy, always loving. Oh, my, oh, my, kids, I'm just kidding. Yeah, but how much longer are we going to wait for the best time? Don't be such a hurray little punch in the head. Calm down or we'll have to... After all, the roses, they've got to please with the crowd. They've got to be good and ready. Is she ready, Mr. Cuda? I'll say she is. All right. All right, everybody, get ready now. Close your mouth and open your eyes. You will now see the greatest exchange that's ever took place since Dr. Jekyll had turned into Mrs. Hyde. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! What's the rest of me saying, Rosa? That's my friend. That's my sister. Why don't you change me and I'm not going to talk to her? They're... They were sweet for father. That's right. The poppies, the cave-in, the mummies, the maidens. Now who's going to sue for the bulls? They'll tell you thousands of roses, and I'll look at their furries if you don't recognize them. Yeah, but excuse us, excuse us. You just smiled in the U.S. too. A roses takes up my education, I'm from Louisiana. It's cubically. Ain't I hope? Ain't I hope for the curfew? No. No, no, you'd be in boobity-brains. They carry in the doobies, even I don't know what to compare. You see, the way the ship talks is such a high-class English and how nobody understands it. Now, Rosa... Peter, please. Call me Rosette. All right, Rosette. Now I'm going to show you something, Luigi. Rosette, say something Italian for Luigi. All right. Fascale, what's that? Luigi, for the first time in your life, you're here in Italian with a Harvard accent. I'm in a Rosette. Well, you sounded very good, but... But I didn't hear you laugh today. Don't you feel good? Luigi, there's a time for laughter and there's a time for serious things. Don't you think? Well, stop the stare that they will you mouth open and say something to the lady. Ah... How do you like my new croffure? I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. Now, how do you like my new croffure? What? Oh, you doper. Tell me you like her new dress. Luigi, tell you like her the way she sweeps up. I don't see you otherwise it was a good in the kitchen. Luigi, I was looking for you. Shh! You start your own Rosa. Please, my name is Rosette. Rosa? Yeah, you should say she's a changed Hanemi. In the future kindly call me Rosette. What's that, Mr. Schultz? What Schultz? In the future kindly call me Schultzette. So what do you say? Is it some different, sir? Class, a taste, a breed, a weight? Well, I got to agree about the class taste breeding. What about the weight? Dunder and bludgeon! So what? Luigi didn't care about the weight. No, no, you're right. You're absolutely right. I'm a didn't. That's a word like it from a true gentleman, Luigi. He's got to keep as a bargain. He's taking a Rosa to the dance. No, no, Pasquale, I'm not taking a Rosa to the dance. What? You've got the nerve to stand there when you still put a face hanging out to tell me my girl is still ain't good enough for you? No, Pasquale, he's just the other way around. She's too good for me now. Go back. Wait, wait, Luigi, wait! Well, Pasquale, that's too bad. You made a no-block spear haven't come out. And never have I seen so much done to... so much. How do you like it that? My Frankenstein a back of fire out of me. One moment, Mr. Pasquale. I have something more important than mere dancing on my mind. All right, Mr. College, what do you got on your mind? Well, to put it bluntly, I am enamored of your daughter. What? Nobody's going to enamel her my daughter. What are you talking about? After all, what she just learned, she can easily forget. But if I marry her, she will always remember. He wishes to become Mr. Pasquale. What? I want to marry your daughter, sir. You want to get out of here. You, you, you, you mouse, you... Mouse! Beat it to go out and get out. I'm going to give you a paver. Come here to my shoe off and I'll get down over my knee. That sounds like the old nurse thought that you was laughing. Now you're going to chase him out again. No, no, Pasquale. Now I'm going to see the old Rossi again and this Rossi, I'm not going to take her to the dance. What? You're taking her? That's making me laugh. I'm the one who should laugh. Rossi, I'm not going to with you. The Rossi to the dance after all and everything is turned out very nice, except for one thing. Just like I'm expected, what I was dancing with Rossi pulled down on me. By the way, Rossi has started to laugh. Everybody has a laugh for eight times. I want to take the plaster off of my chest and I'm not going to laugh at all. I'm going to be a lovely son, Luigi Vasto, a little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Jewing Gum hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi and they want to remind you to include delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum on your shopping list this week. Wrigley's Spearmint is an ideal treat to bring home to your family. It's helpful, it's inexpensive and it's a taste treat that everyone enjoys and appreciates. Pass Wrigley's Spearmint Gum around after meals. Give some to the children when they come home from school and enjoy it yourself whenever you want something good to chew on that isn't rich or heavy. Next time you go to the store, remember to get a few packages of refreshing, delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko in Italy. Life with Luigi is a sigh Howard production and is directed by Norman McDonald. Mac Benhoff writes the script with Lou Derman. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Connery as Schultz, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Balding, Joel Forte as Horowitz, Ken Peters as Olsen and Sid G. Miller as the Dew. Music was directed by Lud Blaston. Bob Stevenson speaking. This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System.