 This is Think Tech Hawaii, Community Matters here. Hello, welcome to Out of the Comfort Zone. I'm your host, Arby Kelly. You're watching Think Tech Hawaii OC16 television, and I'm really excited. We've got a cool guest today and cool tips, but first, our Book of the Week. Now, this is Spy the Lie. This was written by ex-CIA officers who tell when people are lying to them, all right? If someone is saying, hey, you know, I totally am an asset for the United States, but they're lying and they're secretly working for North Korea, like that would be a good thing to know. And so that's why they wrote this book. Now, most of us don't need to detect foreign spies, but we do need to detect when our kids are lying to us, or when our spouse is lying to us, or when our boss is lying to us. And some studies show you might be told as many as 10 lies a day. Some studies show you might be told as many as 200 lies a day. So being able to tell when people are lying to you or when they're telling the truth, that would be really important. And that is Spy the Lie. You can find this online, Amazon, eBay, anywhere you find books. It's a really cool book. It's one of my favorites. I've read it like four times. So, Spy the Lie. Now, onto our body language tip of the week. Now, I don't know about you, but I have a really big family. And so when we meet for the holidays, there's all these relatives and extended relatives and I've forgotten most of their names, because there's so many of them, but I have to be like, oh, I totally remember who you are, welcome, come on in. And so my trick for being welcoming and kind and open for the holidays, even when I don't know who people are, is to practice a real smile. Now you've seen real smiles, like this, and you've seen fake smiles. Have you ever had someone give this fake smile to you? Hi, welcome. Nice to meet you. I'm so happy to be here. That's a fake smile, and you see it a lot on the holidays. But you know, that kind of kills your holiday joy. So instead, you should be giving genuine smiles. Fake genuine. See the difference? It's all in the wrinkles. Cheeks come up further, you get wrinkles in the outer corners and under the eye. Now you can't just turn on a genuine smile on command, unless you've practiced, like I have. But if you want to be able to give a genuine smile, you actually have to work out your face. And you do that by taking a pen, pencil, stick, and you stick it in your teeth. And then you flex your cheeks and you pull the cheek muscles back so they're not touching the pen, alright? And if you do this for long enough, like one, two minutes, you'll feel burning in your cheeks right here, and congratulations, you're working out your face muscles. If you do this often enough, you too will be able to pull out a genuine smile on command. Alright, you guys are fun. Okay, so that was our body language tip in our book of the week, but now we are onto our guest. Now this guest is someone that I actually like, that I actually respect, and whose work I actually admire. And there aren't a lot of people like that. So I was very happy when she agreed to come and be our guest today. This is Sarah Paikai. Hi Sarah. Hi Harvey. Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be here. Glad I'm back here. I like that smiling tip. I was like smiling from ear to ear when you were giving the tip. I'm going to go home and practice with the pen. It's an awesome skill, very convenient. But Sarah, for our viewers, what exactly do you do? So I am a social media strategist and I help people mostly with content marketing, meaning I help people find the messages and the ideas around their business that really help show their audience what they're about and lead them to their programs and offerings that they have. So how does Speak Your Word come into that? Speak Your Word was really founded. So I'm a part of a social media agency and we were working with a lot of different clients both here in Hawaii and in the states, all the way five, six, seven figure businesses and really looking at how to better get them on social media. And I found that even before you start looking at things like Facebook ads or how often should I post or where should I post. People were asking the question, what should I talk about? And what is really something that I could talk about for days on end because that's part of social media marketing, right? You always have to be on social. What is something I could talk about and not get bored with and still feel like it's really true to what's happening with me in my business right now. And so as we began to kind of dig deeper under that, I realized a lot of people are afraid to really go there when it comes to controversial topics or things they feel very passionately about. I think there's this fear of who even cares? Who would listen? What if I'm judged? And so Speak Your Word was really born from the desire to inspire people to feel bold enough to find their true message and to talk about it on social media. I love that. Bold enough to find your true message. Yes. And I've seen like well in my life and in the lives of the people around me there are times when something is so dear to you that you're just afraid to let it out. And so finding the courage and the guts to stand up for what you believe in and share what you're passionate about even knowing people are going to disagree with you. People might come and troll you. That is something you need to do if you're ever going to make a positive change in the world. Yes. It's so interesting that you brought up trolls is because I was recently on a live stream with a dear friend of mine. We were doing her audiences around moms and so we were talking about finding the courage to really put yourself out there as a mompreneur and we actually had these trolls who hopped onto the live stream and there were four of them and they're like oh we're here because you know we were sent here because of a Craigslist ad and I know that this is an auction for couches and they were just like hardcore for 20 minutes. They were just when are you going to auction the couch and you guys are terrible auctioneers and this is the worst couch sale I've ever been to and we're talking about life and business kind of like how you and I are today and I remember like the old me probably would have been so intimidated and I would have felt bad and I would have been ashamed and been like this is so awkward I don't know what to do. This is what happens when you get out of your comfort zone, right? And what should I do? But it was such a great teaching moment and I turned it around and I said look if this has happened to me two years ago I probably would have like sat in a corner and cried later. But the power of when you speak your word often and you know what you stand for and you know why you're sharing it you flex this muscle of your voice to where it was like this is a great teaching moment so you see how these chose are that's what's going to happen if you put yourself out there but do it anyway because your message is so important and worth hearing so that's like a practical example of some of the things and ways that I like to showcase to people social media can be really used for what you're passionate about in life. And I know a lot of our viewers are probably thinking oh gosh social media that thing that my kids are on all the time like why on earth would I want to be on social media do you have anything you'd like to say to them? Yeah it's not for everybody I'll start with that so if it's not comfortable and it's not where you want to share your business that's totally fine you know I will say though that social media and our phones have replaced so much of how we consume information nowadays right like it used to just be you had a telephone in your wall and a TV with a couple of stations and you know you got your newspaper but people are getting information really really quickly and so if you're trying to reach those types of people who have fast paced lives who live in their phone social media is the perfect tool to put your message out there so that people can see it the best part of marketing or the best marketers meet people where they are and so if your audience is on social media and your potential clients are on social media I say it's the best platform plus it's free for the most part right I mean 90% of it is free awesome thank you for that now I love this dichotomy of where you were two years ago versus where you were now and I felt that feeling before where if someone criticizes your work or they tell you you're not doing things right it just kind of crushes you but I love that you've come on this journey where you're able to just kind of like brush them off and say I know what I'm so sad I know what I'm here for I know what I'm doing and I'm going to keep speaking so how did that journey happen for you? it was a really long journey you know the funniest thing is honestly the biggest thing for me was just having somebody to look up to watching other women entrepreneurs who are really putting themselves out there and having them turn around and look at me and say your message is just as powerful as what I'm doing like I see you and the work that you're wanting to put into the world and it's powerful and just having somebody recognize that in me was so life changing in the way that I felt empowered to put myself out there and so when I found it, speak your word a lot of it was I would just love to be that for somebody you know it's kind of like my give back to tell other women no matter how you were brought up or what you feel like you're not enough or societal expectations or all of these things that are out there nowadays so you know you're enough and we see you and keep going because the work that you're doing is phenomenal I love that so much and that's something I've seen for me like growing up it seems like with all the media it tells you you should be this this is exactly what you're supposed to be like you're supposed to be like everybody else and if you get out of these lines too bad like you're over you're wrong but I remember for me watching you and watching other people in my life get out of that box and get out of that circle and don't apologize for being their best self that's something that's always given me the courage to reach for my best self to grow a little more and to do a little more and so I'm so glad that you're standing on this platform and leading the way for people thank you I think that the biggest thing is when you're getting out of your comfort zone when you're getting out of that box the fear of the unknown is so overwhelming and I think sometimes when you just see other people doing what it is that you're aspiring to do and seeing that they're successful it like sparks that courage in you to say okay I'm not gonna die right this fear is not gonna overwhelm me it's not gonna be too much it's not gonna be so terrible that I can't continue maybe this is worth the risk and you kind of extend outside of the comfort zone just a little bit more and a little bit more until you become very strong and it becomes a natural thing right then you get trolls and you're like oh that's such a funny story I'm gonna go and tell this to somebody whereas before I feel like I would have spent a lot of time just feeling very insecure like was it enough and shit you know all those questions the way that we double doubt ourselves and we backpedal and all of these things so yeah and I know your business is specifically targeting women who are entrepreneurs and I feel like that's your business but outside of that there are so many people who suffer from this is this something that our male viewers are gonna be dealing with as well yes it's interesting enough so mostly my clients are women but a few brave men have also joined in and it's phenomenal just I think sometimes to hear what is so great about you repeated back to you and that's what I do with my clients they'll come and they'll tell me here's all of my ideas and here's what I aspire to and I don't know if this will work and I'll say well this part and this part and this part is really impactful now let me repeat back to you what that sounds like if you posted on social media and so I'll go through hypotheticals and see this is what I mean and they go oh my gosh you're so brilliant I said no I'm just repeating back to you what you're telling me like this is what I'm hearing from you and so no matter the gender the age if you're in entrepreneurship you want to be very very clear about what it is that you stand for and what it is that you want people to know about you and your business because it changes the experience of your customers by 10 fold when you're clear and you're putting it out there and they're hearing and they're receiving it it lets them already start to begin to participate with you before the sale even happens which makes the sale so much easier like you're the sales expert right you know like if somebody comes in and they already know about you and they like you it's so much easier to have that conversation and I feel like this also applies to our viewers who aren't entrepreneurs even if you don't run your own business there's still things that you stand for causes you're passionate about and things you believe in things you believe in and there's still that that deep part of you that a lot of us like to hide and layers and pretend oh yeah I'm just like everybody else you can't see the true way back here but when you can break out of that shell and be yourself speak your your true word whether that's on social media whether that's out with your family with your friends in your workplace I feel like that's so much more powerful than the idea of all these little cookie cutters that exactly fit in the way the world wants us to for sure yes that's how movements are born and that's how society is built like by us not at the flip side of it right by us not saying anything that's still setting precedence for a trend or a movement or what is the societal norm so you know whether we use our voices or not collectively together as a community we're deciding the direction of things and so why not speak up for what you believe in right you you're more likely to influence what's happening for the better and more in alignment with with where you stand in your principles so that's my idea speak up for that yes when you're silent you're just letting the loudest voices win yes the loudest tantrum ends of winning exactly now we are going to take a short break but we will be right back so stay on this channel and we'll see you in a minute hello everyone I'm DeSoto Brown the co-host of human humane architecture which is seen on think tech Hawaii every other Tuesday at 4 p.m. and with the show's host Martin Desbang we discuss architecture here in the Hawaiian Islands and how it not only affects the way we live but other aspects of our life not only here in Hawaii but internationally as well so join us for human humane architecture every other Tuesday at 4 p.m. on think tech Hawaii Aloha my name is Mark I'm the host of think tech Hawaii's law across the sea law across the sea comes on every other Monday at 11 a.m. please join us I like to bring in guests that talk about all types of things that come across the sea to Hawaii not just law love people ideas history please join us for law across the sea Aloha welcome back we missed you you're on OC 16 television think tech Hawaii this is out of the comfort zone and I'm your host Arby Kelly you're with my guest Sarah Paikai the founder and CEO of speak your word now we've been having a lot of fun here today so I'm glad you're back but I wanted to ask you about some of the challenges that your audience faces when it comes to trying to get out of their comfort zone trying to speak their word I know like something my family is going through one of my sisters is dealing with where she's just she feels like she's kind of constrained herself and to be the person like she ought to be for her family for her husband you know not to make waves so what would you tell her in order to speak her word before I think even speaking your word it's really important to get back to how you're actually feeling about the subject and I know that sounds really simple it seems like dove of course I know how I feel about the subject it's me and I'm thinking about it right but speak your word the name itself came about because it's speak your word not the words that you've heard your whole life not what you feel like you're supposed to not what society is telling you but like what is really your thing and so part of that is going back to what is it that I'm passionate about what is it that makes me happy what is it that motivates me and you know when you have a family and whether you're you know your male or female if you have children if you have a spouse there's a lot of responsibility that gets added on and I think sometimes we begin to lose ourselves just a little bit in very small pieces until the point when somebody says well what do you think about this and I went this myself I say well my husband thinks this this and this and well I think this way because I would like my children to understand that this this and this right but going back to what is it that Sarah really thinks about it how does Sarah really feel about it and so the first thing that I have everybody start with is when you're thinking about topics or trying to make decisions or you're trying to know what your opinion is being quiet and still within yourself being honest with yourself and brave enough sometimes to be honest that this is how I actually feel about this subject and I think sometimes that surprises us what it does for me I'll be introspective and I'll really look into something and go oh I'm actually not okay with that and I'm sure you see this all the time with body language right people who are saying no I'm not with that but their body language is saying like I don't really care just whatever right you teach people how to make sure that their body lines up with what it is that their intention is and I think part of that is really just knowing what is your true intention though I love that I've actually seen this with myself if I'm having to make a difficult decision or if I'm talking to someone and I'm not thinking like how I actively feel I've sometimes noticed that I'll be like oh yeah that's fine with me when my body language is like no it's not fine and so I began to use my body language as kind of a gauge of like no how do I really feel if I'm talking to someone and I see a bit of contempt or dislike or disgust on my face I'm like whoa subconsciously I am not okay with what's going on here and so I've had to sit down and actually think like you said okay what's the root of this what do I really feel here it takes so much courage so much courage like if I change my stance on this what are the ramifications like what else is going to happen if this is not the normal pattern of what I'm always doing but it's like ah that overwhelming fear again right of being outside of the comfort zone outside of the comfort zone and also we seem to have this fear of being inconsistent like when I was 15 I decided on this but now I'm 25 and I still can't change my mind because I'll be inconsistent but that's so crazy because things change we change we grow yes yes we developed into so much more than we were even just two months ago right two years ago 20 years ago so being flexible in that sense to to allow yourself giving yourself permission give yourself permission to be yourself and I know that sounds really cliche or weird but it really is like you sometimes you just have to say look it's okay and finding somebody that inspires you who you trust to repeat back to your truth of yeah it's okay you're doing good like this is part of the process that's so crucial and that's something you've been doing for me that I really appreciate and okay even in my own life I remember growing up like I had zero maternal instinct I didn't want to have kids like I didn't like kids at all and I have 19 nieces and nephews okay like I've had plenty of exposure to children but in me there was this like fear like I don't actually want kids and so for me to face that and recognize that and actually actually deal with that that was terrifying for me because that was out of the normal I should be in this little box and this change of not wanting to have kids that's out here and that's not okay and just facing the differences about ourselves about our true feelings where we don't look like the way we feel like our parents think we should look or we feel like our boss thinks we should look or our neighbors think we should be facing that we're different and that we might be different people that's really scary yes but when you give yourself that permission and like okay I'm a freak and that's okay I'm okay with that I'm just in all different areas of my life when I was able to face those difficult truths and just accept them like hey I like having short hair and that's really weird but that's me and I like it just being able to accept those differences really makes a difference in every aspect of your life and you've never had to deal with that with a client I have most of my clients I think and for myself included I think we go through this especially when you're in business so if you're an entrepreneur or a small business owner you know that level of understanding yourself and knowing who you are as a person and then understanding how to be a leader if you have a team, if you have a staff now it's not just your personality by yourself it's your personality in front of that's a lot to put out there and to be seen so it's really crucial that you're taking time for self-care and that you're taking time for silence and you're taking time to ask yourself to check in with yourself just small it doesn't even have to be a big deal it's just like what's happening how do I actually feel about this and a great key that a coach and mentor of mine shared with me he told me when you find yourself censoring yourself like you knew that you wanted to say something but you held that instinct back and you said something different instead like you know how you said about the body language like it's assigned to you that you need to go and look at it because you did something different than what you were saying so if you ever find yourself not being open and honest as open and honest as possible just make a note of that and check in with yourself later what was that about because not every situation you need to tell people what's on your mind all the time like I tend to do it because I'm the worst rule breaker or the best rule breaker ever maybe but you don't always have to do that but it's a great sign to say oh I kind of held back there I don't know if I meant to say great thanks I'll see you next week that's totally fine maybe I wanted to say something else what was that about so at least you're aware and you're not lying to yourself and the first step to being honest in your life is to stop lying to yourself and that's sometimes the scariest thing to do you just want to kind of like I don't have time to deal with this right now alright what are some other other steps you would give our audience just to kind of help them take the very first steps to figuring out what's going on and to start speaking so once you kind of have a routine set up or a habit set up where you're checking in with yourself get a journal keep notes you know I have a different this sounds funny but I love systems and organization I have a different journal for every kind of topic so I've got like about four for different businesses and things that I'm running through my mind and I just kind of jot it down it helps to just get it outside of your sometimes because otherwise it's just in your brain and in your heart and in your emotions and then it all stirs up and somebody will ask you a question and then it's like what all comes out or you'll be inspired and you'll go on social media and you'll do a post this long and it will all be and your customers will be like well that's a long post I'm not going to read that so if you're able to like just have a healthy habit of getting your thoughts outside of you onto paper it's so so helpful so helpful I think that also helps you clarify it as well when you're thinking about it it's like there's so much going on but when you write it you can only write one letter at a time and so it really forces you to clarify and choose each word that comes next and helps you to pin down what you're feeling and and start at least writing your story even if you're not ready to speak it yet for people who don't like writing talk to somebody, find a good friend to talk to and just you know obviously you don't want to dump all your drama on them but a healthy conversation where you're like can I just be honest this is what I'm feeling and I don't need feedback I don't need you to fix it I really just need to tell somebody and find somebody you can trust to do that very helpful that's really powerful what are some of the other challenges you think people will face when they start trying to get outside themselves and speak their word well I'll ask you when you started putting yourself let's use social media for example what were some of the things initially that you were freaked out about or that made you that triggered you oh gosh let's see I know for me at first it was I had because I teach about body language right and body language you can use that in police, teachers, students job interviews entrepreneurs, salespeople public speakers like basically everyone uses body language for me the difficult part was pinning it down to what I wanted to say and I started by using vague generalities like body language is a great way to improve relationships and this and that but instead of saying body language will do exactly this result I had a really hard time being specific and I also had kind of a hard time being honest because not like I was lying about what body language does but I was trying not to hurt people's feelings by telling them that they had awful body language that was pushing people away even though it was true but I didn't know how to say that without hurting people's feelings so I think there was that for me that I didn't know exactly what to say but I also didn't know how to say what I had to say without hurting people yes yes okay so be as honest and open as possible right but I'm going to add an addendum to that while still being kind and that's a huge thing for me just because of how I am as a person and I'm basically an anime character in real life but like you know being if you always do that caveat like I'm trying to be open and honest but I also really want to be kind so how can I do all three to me that's a great medium to start with to start trying to speak out the things that are in your mind and you some people they are naturally really good at this I have some friends who are superb and I listen to them talking I was like wow that was a really nice response but it was so true to you and so direct but still so loving you know like I'm still always looking for ways to better it so it's like body language you're not going to solve speaking your word overnight you're not going to solve body language overnight but it's just little steps little things that you can do to get you closer to where you want to be I love that I love that so much now we are running out of time but is there any where can people go to talk to you if what you've said has really resonated with them how can I find you can find me on social media so if you go to speak your word if you search for that on Facebook that's mainly where I hang up Facebook speak your word on Facebook good to know thank you for coming thank you thank you so much for having me it's been so fun awesome now viewers I know you're getting ready for the holidays you're getting ready to spend time with your family or maybe you're getting ready to sit at home with your cat no judgment I love cats just know that here at think tech we are thinking of you we are hoping you're having a wonderful December season and I just want you to have an awesome day so see you later guys this is OC 16 think tech I'll be here next Thursday out of the comfort zone I'm your host RB Kelly Merry Christmas