 My wife of 11 years and I joined a weight loss program, shedding pounds and gaining fitness only for my wife to flex her disloyalty. After I walked in on her full body workout with her personal trainer, I divorced her and got him fired. Before we start, text the like button from an unknown number saying, enjoy the next 24 hours. Warning. The following story will be upsetting to cheaters. Oh boy, here we go. English is not my native language, but I'll do my best. I'm a 44 year old man married to my 39 year old soon to be ex. We've been married for 11 years, no kids. We were a pretty chubby couple until two years ago when I had a blood test done and it came out that I was prone to contracting diabetes, gout and hypertension. It really scared me. So we both bit by bit started to dedicate ourselves to a very healthy lifestyle. I went from 117 to 85 kilograms and my wife, let's call her Jane, from 83 to 65 kilograms. We felt great and needless to say I never developed those diseases. We attended to a gym almost daily in the afternoon where a coach worked. Let's call him Baldi. When my wife started getting in shape, I noticed most guys turned to see her. I felt so proud of her. She is fairly busty and she has these magnificent long toned legs. When Jane and I were regulars at the gym, I noticed she was enjoying the attention she got from men. Of course Baldi wasn't the exception. I noticed Baldi likes to check women's butts like a sport. I've seen him doing it several times and he likes to show off how ripped he is. Once we were using the elliptical machines, in front of them there is a cable machine. Baldi took off his t-shirt and started doing crossovers. I turned to Jane with my face of, can you believe this guy? But she was staring at him and I saw she wet her lips. I saw Baldi noticed and I swear he was grinning. I felt humiliated. I mean, I was getting in shape but I am not as muscular and fit as he is. When we were driving home I made a comment about Baldi showing off and Jane said, really? I didn't notice. I told her, you were staring. She said I don't remember, I must have been thinking about something else. I shrugged it off and kept driving. But from there on I noticed they were talking more frequently at the gym. Some weeks later, Jane was doing squats using the Smith machine. Suddenly Baldi went to help her. Isn't he nice? He grabbed her by the waist and I got angry. She finished the first set and I got there and told him, in a not so nice way, I got it from here. Baldi just smiled and told me no probs, buddy. He calls everybody buddy and walked off like a triumphant pigeon. Jane knows me very well and when she heard my angry tone she said, my god, OP. I told her, we'll discuss this at home. At home drama blew up. She called me immature and jealous. I told her I noticed he was trying to get into her pants. She said that she knows that he's trying to, but she would never cheat on me. I asked, then why she let him touch her and she said she didn't want to be rude. Seriously? About an hour later arguing, we agreed to change gym. So we went to another place to exercise, but Jane was resentful at me in the following months. Her argument was that I don't trust her. On the third month after we changed gym, a very good opportunity opened up in my job, but in the afternoon, we discussed it and I took it. So we had to attend the gym at different hours. I went in the morning and Jane in the afternoon. This is when it all went south. Jane's resentment increased and we barely spoke. I send her messages telling her about my day that I miss her, memes, but she rarely replied or just sends the typical. Yes. Okay. Same here. Ha, ha, ha. I was very worried and proposed couple therapy. She said I was the one who needs therapy because I'm the one with trust issues. I agreed. I was so desperate to fix our marriage that I thought it was all my fault. So the following year, 2022, I went to therapy, but Jane's behavior didn't change. We weren't intimate anymore because she never was in the mood. I had to shift gear. I snooped to her phone, but didn't find anything out of the ordinary. I looked into her car for a second phone. Nothing. I checked her phone again to see her map history. It only showed me the GPS locations house to work, house to the gym, back to the house. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she just said she feels that she's having a 40s phase. It'll pass. I never had any evidence of cheating. So I continued working, grinding and worrying. We live in a condo. The security guard, a very cheerful man called Mr. P greeted me. We chat a lot. He was touching his shoulder and told me yesterday he had to move a heavy sofa and he has some pain today. I was sympathetic to his pain. And as we were discussing it, he dropped the bomb. Maybe you can arrange a meeting with your massageist. I told him who. He said, the guy who came yesterday to massage Mrs. Jane. It took me a second to process this. I told him, do you have a video of him? I think he noticed I was pale and hurried to show me. Guess who? Baldi, of course. He has come a few times to massage my wife. I took the day off and started investigating. I asked a co-worker for his car and I followed Jane in the afternoon. She parked her car at the mall where the gym is and there he is. Baldi, waiting for her. They giggle and behave like an actual couple. Kisses, hugs the whole shebam. And I feel myself being torn from the inside out. They walk a couple of blocks and go into a residential area. I tried to follow them with my phone ready to record. But the guard stopped me and asked, can I help you? I just said, what a nice couple. Do you know them? He said he thinks they are newlyweds but can't tell me anything else. I called Jane but she never answered. I went to her car in the mall and wondered why that place doesn't show on the map. I dial again and I can hear her phone inside her car. That's why. I also found out Jane hasn't attended the gym in eight months. I didn't know that the previous night was the last day I slept with Jane in the same bed but now I'm sure of that. I returned the car and went home and called my parents. Fortunately my dad answered and I told him everything. I was crying and he comforted me and told me, get evidence. Obviously my marriage is over and I need all I can gather while he'll contact one of his friends who is an excellent divorce lawyer. Jane called me when she saw the two missing calls. I just told her I was already at home and she told me, I'm on my way from the gym. My butt is killing me. Yeah, I can guess. When she saw me, she asked, what happened? Why did you cry? I don't know how but I was mentally focused. I smiled and told her I got the flu. That's why I left work early. Don't come near me. It might be the bug and I'll be tested first thing tomorrow. I'll sleep in the spare room. She agreed. I was hurting silently and didn't sleep a wink. Nearly midnight I heard her giggling. I guess she's messaging Baldi but I didn't find any evidence of contacting another man. Then it hit me. Why didn't I see it earlier? I bet her a fair partner is disguised as one of her female co-workers. In the morning while Jane was in the shower, I took her phone and created a session in my laptop and put her phone back in the same place. We both can unlock our phones. The session works while the phone is close to my laptop or in the same Wi-Fi account. Then I saw it. Under a female name, the profile picture was a dumbbell. I entered and most of the conversations were deleted. I guess they use work words as code in case I snooped. Can you deliver the papers on my desk? I know she doesn't have a desk at work. Going to the meeting, where are you? On top of them, Boss is in his office. He's clueless. Pretty clever that one. I guess I am Boss because I know her Boss is a woman. Jane got out of the shower and saw me. She said, You look worse. Why don't you stay with your parents? I denied the idea thinking of getting evidence. After Jane went out, I contacted my dad and he gave me the name and number of the lawyer. I called him and explained everything. He told me the captions I took from my laptop are useless. They don't have any factual evidence since Baldi's name isn't used as her affair partner and she was smart enough to leave pieces of conversation that looks pretty innocent. I can take pictures of them at the mall, but she can argue they are just good fellas and I can't invade into the residential area without permission because it might get me into more trouble. At work I was in zombie mode, thinking how to get evidence. I might install secret cameras in my house, but Baldi rarely goes to my home and Jane might find them, unless I'm out of the picture. I texted Jane and told her I'm positive of the bug and I'll stay at my parents because I might need help. She liked the idea and told me she would miss me, but she'll call me every day. When I hung up, I called my dad and my brother. When I got home, she had already packed a suitcase for me. She was so eager of getting rid of me. I told her I'll take my laptop and then I checked her messages. Boss will be out of the office want to come to my desk? She sent this message almost directly after I told her I was positive to the bug. Good, she bit. We didn't have dinner, no kisses, no hugs. I noticed her watching her apple watch twice. From the door I told her I'll miss you. I was expecting her to shut the door on my face, but she walked me to my car and I was gone. My dad and brother were outside the building waiting for Baldi to appear, but he didn't show up. After half an hour I thought, why did she walked me to my car? Of course, because Baldi was already inside the building waiting, perhaps inside her car. It would be very suspicious if her massagist came at this hour. I came back, hurried to my house and entered silently. I heard music coming from the bedroom and the moaning. Next to the door there is a sofa. His and her clothes were on it. I put my phone to record and opened the bedroom door and there she was. My wife, the love of my life for 11 years in all four, and Baldi behind her. I got a very good seconds of both of their shocked faces when they saw me open the door. Jane screamed and covered herself with the blanket. Baldi went alpha male immediately walking naked towards me. I took a dramatic shot of him wearing no protection. He yelled aggressively at me, why don't go for a walk buddy? I hit his throat with my hand opened. I saw this movement in the Mel Gibson movie, Ransom. The next second Baldi was coughing and gasping, kneeling on the floor. I yelled get out of my house and kicked him out. I threw his clothes at him when my dad, brother and Mr. P were arriving to my house. I told them, I'll take it from here and closed the door. Jane was still on the bed covering herself. She was trembling. I told her, I have never hurt you nor will I. Get dressed, I'll wait for you in the living room. While I was waiting, I sent the video to my lawyer and he answered, I'm sorry for you, but jackpot. A few minutes later, Jane showed up. She couldn't look me in the eyes. I started recording the conversation. I asked why? She didn't answer. Was I such an awful husband to you? She started crying, but didn't answer. Do you love him? She shaked her head, but no words. I stood up and hit the table. Say something, Jane. Damn it. She opened her eyes wide and started trembling again, like a scared puppy. I have never yelled at her before. I sat and talked calmly. My lawyer will contact you for the divorce. Get a lawyer. She finally spoke. We can fix this. Fix what? Our marriage was over since Baldi was in the picture and you choose him over me. She said, It was a mistake. I told her. No, it wasn't. It was a choice you chose and this is the consequence. What did you think would happen when I find out? Silence again. Go to your sisters and tell her the truth or I will show what I walked into. She went to the bedroom and started packing. I followed her and watched. Since two days ago, I was trying to convince myself my wife is long gone. The person who I shared my house with is not my wife. But seeing her, putting her clothes inside the suitcase neatly with her gracious movements and those little things I love of her hit me hard. I went to the spare room and started ugly crying. I heard when she closed the main door. She picked her clothes that were on the sofa. She made the bed where I caught them and I dropped on the floor. Some time later, I called my dad. He told me Baldi wanted to press charges, but Mr. P told him he didn't sign in. So he's trespassing. The condo can sue him. He dropped it and went out. My nosy brother pressed his ear on the door and my dad took him from the other ear to his car. I was exhausted. The previous days I didn't sleep well. So I almost passed out on the spare room. Next morning, my phone had a lot of Jane's messages apologizing and asking for a second chance. I just blocked her. My sister-in-law called me. Apparently Jane hasn't told her what happened just that we're fighting. All this happened a week ago. Next week Jane is going to be served. I guess it's good my father-in-law is not alive to see Jane's behavior. She was the youngest and his favorite. Mother-in-law has senile dementia. Hi everybody. I'm back with a juicy update. You'll enjoy this as much as I do. I'd like to cover some points before starting the update. First, I want to thank everybody who contacted me and gave me advice, congratulate me, or just to let me know they care. I've read from other posts that the support you can get is mind-blowing, but it's the first time I experienced so much care from strangers. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Second, as you can guess, English is my second language, so I messed up in some sentences and confused prepositions. Sorry about that. Also, I wrongly said Jane was doing sit-ups in the draft version. She was doing actual squats. Third, to those who think my story is fake, you're entitled to think whatever you want. I just hope my testimony helps someone in the future as much as others have helped me. Fourth, about how I hit her a fair partner Baldi. It was not a fancy ninja punch just to chop in the throat that frankly it was lucky I reacted before Baldi did. I won't lie, seeing him on the floor coughing felt great. Fifth, some of the readers found a post I made in Ask Red at a month before D-Day. It never got posted because I didn't understand the rules of the community and today it isn't relevant anymore. A quick summary. Jane and I were trying to be parents for 10 years. On the eighth year we saved enough money to buy three opportunities in the most expensive and successful reproduction clinic here in my country, which is outside of the US. All three failed. Jane started her affair during the third one. That's the clinic where my blood was tested and adding the history of diseases from my family, they gave me the probabilities of developing diabetes, gout, hypertension and having strokes. I should thank them. Someone mentioned that Jane intentionally aborted on the third attempt because it might have been Baldi's baby. Well, that's not possible because for her, it's almost impossible to conceive naturally. The embryos were fertilized in vitro and then implanted directly into her womb. I tried to repost my question but got to me before I could and told me I don't want to have kids anymore, so I dropped it. I am sure Baldi doesn't have anything to do with her decision. Remember, this is important for later. Let's continue with the update. It's been 12 days since D-Day. What have I been doing from there? D-Day plus one, this was a Friday. I had a nice chat with Mr. P. He confessed he faked his shoulder pain. He just wanted to warn me about Baldi. Explains why he could show me on his phone. Also, he told me a very nosy neighbor saw when I kicked Baldi naked from my apartment. Surely in a week all neighbors will know about our situation. My brother came to help me change the lock of the door. When he left I felt so alone and couldn't help but cry. I called my job to ask for a day off. At night I spoke to my lawyer. He said he's working on the divorce papers. He couldn't start until he had the evidence. So my divorce will be divorced by mutual consent. That's smoother than uncaused divorce, as that's longer and pretty nasty. Also, he told me not to share the recording. Jane will be served in two weeks. Sister-in-law called me but I told her to ask Jane why we're divorcing. Two days after D-Day, Saturday. Sister-in-law came for answers and I showed her the video. Afterwards I drove her home and saw Jane's car. When I got home I still felt crushed and cried some more. The Sunday after, I visited my parents. My mom cried with me. She really loved Jane. My dad had a chat with me about my money, properties and stuff. When I returned home, Mr. P told me. Jane and Baldi showed up. I guess they are going to make their relationship public now that the cat is out of the bag. But noteworthy, they came to the house at different times. Jane came in the morning. She parked her car and saw mine wasn't there. Tried to enter my house, but her key doesn't work anymore. Then she asked Mr. P if he knew where I went. He didn't know and told her, Mr. OP gave me this for you. My attorney's card, she took it and left. Baldi came in the afternoon and first asked to see Jane. Mr. P told him, Mrs. Jane, emphasis on Mrs. Doesn't live here anymore. Then asked to see me and Mr. P told him. Mr. OP is away. No idea when he'll return and he left. I guess they both are not in contact yet. I wanted to ask about Jane. Is she sad? Did she look healthy? Did she ask about my well-being? But then I remembered D-Day and just thanked and said good night to Mr. P. When I got home, I cried some more. D-Day plus four, Monday arrived. I didn't want to but something I learned from all you champions is to hit the gym hard. So I looked for a new gym near my job and had a good session. I felt pretty good. Then I returned to work. At home, I didn't cry this time and start taking out all Jane's pictures. Tuesday. Had a meeting with my lawyer to review my assets. Fortunately, my dad made Jane sign a prenup so she can't touch anything I had before we got married, my house mainly. All remaining stuff gets divided 50-50 and I can get a compensation for her adultery. As compensation, I'm going to take out alimony. I can fight for all the stuff but everything reminds me of her and I want to start anew. When I left home, I heard whispers. I turned my head and saw two neighbors that immediately pretended they didn't see me. They walked in front of me and greeted me. I knew this would happen. I proceeded my way to the gym and work. This cycle repeats all week so I won't repeat that part. D-Day plus six, Wednesday. Nothing interesting. I only have Facebook as social media. I ignore all DMs asking me to contact Jane. I closed it and opened Reddit and had a nice time reading about all you champions that overcome what I have been experiencing. I felt better. So I thought of sharing my own experience. The day after, I started writing. I posted it before going to the gym. When I was at work, it amazed me how many people were reacting to my story. Then Friday arrived. I was reading comments and answering all morning. I was smiling again. Feels good to be appreciated. Two comments stuck in my mind that I didn't think about. One, report the affair partner to my old gym. And two, my home is tainted and I need a fresh start. So before I went to the gym, I looked for real estate agents to sell or rent my house out. I'm not comfortable here anymore. I haven't entered to my bedroom since D-Day. I've been sleeping in the spare room. I don't want to live like this. Saturday, since Jane would come and bother me, I decided to spend the day outside. She did come. Then she visited my parents and brother. They just texted me. Jane came over. I answered, thank you. I don't want to talk about her yet. Next day, I spend the day with my parents. We visited a town two hours from the city and had a blast. I don't know if Jane came to the house. My dad told me not to sell my house, but to rent it. I agree and went home. When I got home, Mr. P told me Baldy came in the afternoon and was alone again. He asked for me, but Mr. P told him I'm away. He left without a word. Monday morning, I went to my old gym. I was not sure if I'd meet Baldy. He worked in the afternoon, but he was delivering candy to my wife in the afternoon. So I thought he's changed his shift. He wasn't there. I asked to talk to Frank, the gym owner. While I was waiting for him, I met an old janitor I used to chat with. He told me to say hi to Miss Jane. I guess my new normal is to tell everybody we split up. I smiled at him while saying it. Frank finally received me. I asked about Baldy. He told me Monday is his day off, and he asked for more hours, so now works from Tuesday to Sunday in the morning. Then I explained the reason for my visit. He listened carefully until I finished and finally showed him the video. He stayed silent and thinking. He said, you're not going to like this. I just thought, what now? Frank called the receptionist to bring Harry, another coach, and Baldy's friend. He has a big beard. Frank asked him to tell me about Baldy's girlfriend. Fasten your seatbelts. This is good. According to Harry, Baldy has heads over heels for Jane, and Frank confirmed it. He told me Baldy had many complaints, especially from female members, but since last months he has changed. No complaints, and he's very professional to all members. He's not just head over heels in love with my wife. Harry told me something that made my jaw drop. Baldy is trying to marry Jane, by baby trapping her. I was processing this information, until I felt tension building up from my chest. It climbed up my throat and finally blew up in my mouth. I laughed. I swear, I was Joker madly laughing. I even teared a bit as I couldn't control it. From all the emotions I was going through before, I just couldn't hold it in. Frank and Harry were confused. I thought, oh, sweet karma, thank you, after I calmed with a big grin on my face. Harry asked what was going on, and Frank explained, this is Baldy's girlfriend's husband. Harry made a shocked face. Oh man, this is bad, this is really messed up. Harry left. Next we discuss the situation concerning Baldy and the gym. Frank says he must fire Baldy. He said he has to report the situation to the coach association, not the real name, and he surely has to fire him, because Jane was a gym member or Frank's gym could face legal repercussions. About his license as coach, I need to make a legal document explaining Baldy is the reason for my divorce, the key number of my divorce case, and attach the video as proof. My attorney will give the video to the coach association's attorney. I can't share it. Baldy will lose his license from that association, but he can go to another association and apply for another license. It'd take months, though. I asked if Baldy can appeal. Frank said he might, but it would be a waste of energy. The association does not tolerate such conduct. Also, he doesn't have the money to pay for somebody who represents him. That reminded me of the residential area where he entered with Jane. At that point, I thought Baldy must have been wealthy. I said this out loud and Frank brought his face closer to me, saying what residential area I showed on the Maps app. Frank asked, you tailed them to this place? I told him I did, on the day before I walked in on them. Frank got angry. That's my father's home who passed. After Frank's father passed away, he inherited the big house property. All the equipment that's obsolete or needs repair goes to that house. He lends Baldy the key to go and keep some stuff occasionally, but he does not have permission to stay there. He surely has a copy of the key, and he might be living there illegally. He's going to investigate this further. I see he's fuming as this personally involves him, too, now. He adds there are tons of cameras in that place, so he's on top of it. I was leaving the gym when I heard, Mr. OP, Mr. OP, wait. It was Harry. He told me he was sorry about what's happening. Baldy never told him who his new girlfriend was. He just said that he met her at a mall once. I thanked him and took a step towards the exit. He rushed. Can you tell me what happened? I told him, pretty much what you heard. He was drooling on my wife, and now I'm divorcing her. Harry asks another question. What will happen to Baldy? I tell him it depends on Frank and the coach association. As I tell him I turn my body away and start walking out of the gym. Harry shoots another question. But how are you handling it? Okay. Now this conversation becomes uncomfortable and he's not taking my hint. So I stared at Harry and remembered Baldy went to my house, twice. I said, you called Baldy and he's on his way here, right? You're just buying time. Or am I wrong? He made a guilty face. Please, Mr. OP, talk to him. He's really desperate. He was crying yesterday, his girlfriend. I mean, your wife isn't returning his calls. I told him, tell me, why should I care if he's rotting in hell? He said, I'll be here with you so you don't need to be scared. I laughed. Scared of that weakling? He didn't tell you I kicked him out of my house without clothes on, right? Harry didn't believe me. I said, fine, let's see what he wants. I saw there are cameras where we were talking and sat in front of a table in the reception. I don't think Baldy is stupid enough to attack me, but who knows? Besides, I'm really curious about what he wants. He came running 10 minutes later and saw me waiting for him. He extended his hand. I crossed my arms and left him with the hand hanging. What the hell do you want? I looked angrily into his eyes. He sat in front of me and starts. Listen, buddy. I stop him right there and tell him we aren't buddies. I tell him specifically that he is not my buddy. He seemed apologetic and says, okay, my bad. I want to say I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. And I really care about Jane. I answered with, well, you just said three lies to my face. You are not sorry. You did mean to destroy my life and you just care about yourself. His demeanor changed from apologetic to annoyed. He then says with an attitude. Okay, whatever, man. Just tell me where Jane is. Last time I saw her was when I kicked her cheating ass out of my house after I kicked you out naked. I know Harry was listening. Baldy's face color changed to red. He says irritated. That was a cheap shot. I should sue you for that. I said, as far as I know, you entered my home illegally and perhaps you were attacking my wife. I have videos of you getting out, but you didn't sign in. His demeanor drastically changed again and he crawls back by saying, okay, okay, I'm sorry. Tell me what you want from me. Please tell Jane I need to speak to her. In that moment, Frank came in a rush. I guess he saw through the cameras that Baldy showed up. Frank asks if everyone is okay. So I responded. Everything is fine, Frank. I was just telling this low life what I want. I stand up and talk close to Baldy's face. What I want is what is coming for you, what you deserve, what the law has prepared for you. I want to crush your dreams, just like you did to mine. You want kids? Guess what? You won't and you will never have. Baldy said, what's that supposed to? But Frank interrupted him by asking him to see him in his office. Harry looked impressed. He grabbed Baldy's arm and pulled him. I threw in a last dude. You're in deep shit and I left. Tuesday, 12 days after D-Day. I feel I am ready to face Jane now. I'm still grinning while I type this. I'm visualizing. So how have you been? Stay strong, my man, and be prepared for the biggest load of crap to get thrown at you over the next few weeks. She's so sorry. She only loves you. She doesn't know what she was thinking. All the usual crap. This is so much worse than a run-of-the-mill affair. In that, she found it amusing to use secret code words that made you look like some loser. She couldn't wait to get Baldy into your house. She's a low-value woman and the only answer here, my friend, is scorched earth. Gloves off at both of them. I can't think of more deserving people. Of course, my friend. Thanks to all the people who shared their experiences and left their testimony to help me, I know what is coming now. I am mentally getting ready for war. Baldy goes from one woman to the next until he gets caught, or the woman bugs him for commitment. It's good you contacted the gym where he works and informed the owner of what Baldy did. You might bring legal action against the gym if they do not do something with Baldy. The minute your wife started arguing was the minute Baldy started being with your wife. You are your wife's security and ATM. I always found that the best revenge is living well and taking the silver and gold away from Baldy and your cheating wife. Totally agree with you. Thanks to your advice, I contacted the gym and told them what happened. I knew he has an official coaching credential, like you mentioned. Yeah. Gyms are like speed dating where people with poor character and weak morals go bonkers. I had personal trauma from the time I worked at a gym to put myself through university. It's good you outed Baldy. He is in an environment his behavior can flourish. I was a personal trainer. Most of my clients were women and some developed one-sided crushes with unhealthy emotional attachments, mistaking my encouragement, assistance, and help for something else. When an inappropriate initiation was made, I subtly declined and for those that persisted, I offloaded them to other trainers. Following this, I began to lose personal clients for unexplained reasons. This threatened my ability to earn and pay for uni and living expenses. I later found out from an innocent former client that left me that the group of the women I offloaded had gotten together and were spreading rumors about me to other female gym members, inappropriate touching, player, etc. And this took root because of some, not all, other trainers that were doing questionable things, so I was a cautionary case. The gym had a subgroup with corrupting culture and influence, whereby trainers and members engage in some twisted social interactions and dynamics. The ones with strange ideas I won't name here are the worst. Some sick twisted individuals treating the gym as something else. Some of my better clients felt pressure to drop me for fear of negative association with me. I approached one of my former clients and asked why she and they were doing this. I was blackmailed to keep my mouth shut about them and their spurned advances, or they would all file a complaint on grounds of harassment. So it was classic narcissist revenge and narrative manipulation, so they can keep up their preferred appearance. In the end, I quit and got a lower paying and longer hours job as a shelf stacker at night in a local Tesco supermarket. Also, went to the uni psych department for some free therapy. Not only recovered, but learned a lot from it and developed an interest in psychology and picked it as modules, focusing on modules on human behavior, for my degree. Gyms with bad cultures have an inherent problem. The competitive nature and their user's unhealthy need for validation, low self-esteem and embedded narcissist traits do get amplified and people of low character act up. A trainer's positive encouragement can be camouflage for love bombing, or they misuse the mentor student dynamic. Equally, bad clients will need a lot of attention and gratification. Emotional bonding becomes a physical need. Add in the hormones and estrogen being sweated out. The sexual drive of some twisted individuals can become insatiable. In my opinion and experience, when someone succeeds in a positive physical transformation, their drive and need for living the enchantress life really kicks in and are at an all time high. That is the moment they most likely will become cheaters for several months or if it is embedded. A permanent character trait and need. It also can become a closed loop between this subgroup and they end up supporting each other. Truly sickening. Research narcissists behavior and apply it to human cultures with the location being a gym. It's common and the extremes are insane, but trivial simultaneously. Sorry for the long backstory, but what I'm trying to say is, good you reported Baldy. He and others like him, whether trainer or client will be a bad influence on others and you could save another person or couple by this. Gyms are not the problem. It is the twisted individuals that exploit it for their twisted ideas. Like you said to your wife, she chose so did Baldy and others like them. Never accept blame. What I hate most about cheaters is that they take away your self-esteem and agency unapologetically, lack sincerity in the apology and believe it is so easy for you to recover. It is unbelievable how they do not suffer from mind movies, nightmares or recurring negative thoughts. No shame or guilt. Just fear that they had been exposed and that is why they cry. Lastly, control the narrative. I learned this the hard way. Sorry this happened to you, OP. I know you did not deserve this and know you're moving forward in a good direction. Beware of gym cultures and their users. It's not just location and facilities. Do not be afraid to lean on your support groups. All my support. Knock this one out of the park. Take care. Hi again. I didn't expect to update so soon, but something important has happened. I'd like to share something that my therapist told me. Do you remember I started therapy because Jane suggested I'm having trust issues? Turns out, I don't have any. I'm one step too close to being a very gullible person. But the therapist noticed I have a lot of insecurities due to my weight. Since I remember I was the chubby nerdy guy at school, never the boyfriend, always the nice guy in the friend zone. I had my first girlfriend at 18 and she dumped me a week later for a better looking guy. I went to an engineering high school, so there were few ladies around. My next relationship was at my 20s with a toxic girl who blamed me for everything. Even when it rained. She really did a number on me making me feel guilty for anything that popped in her mind. Later I started working because my family had money problems and I didn't have another relationship until I met Jane at university. During the previous session with my therapist, we discussed my feelings about not having kids. She has helped me to get my priorities in order. Number one, me and everything that covers myself like physical, health, gym, and eating well. Intelligence, studying, learning, mental challenges, and soul beliefs, moral ethics. Number two, people who live with me, Jane. Three family and friends. Four, work. Number five, leisure and entertainment. Last session was about Jane. The therapist asked about my plans. I told her I will divorce Jane. She told me it is normal I'm in such distress because my priority too is crumbling. I will have to pass for similar stages of grieving death, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I had to google them because I forgot them. I am in the bargaining stage because I'm thinking a lot of what ifs. Like what if she really is remorseful? What if we're the golden couple who will survive an infidelity? But the reality is that I will never trust her ever again. It will kill me knowing she's at home alone doing God knows what when I'm at work. Torture for me. Depression is a dangerous stage in my case because it can lead me to gain weight again. I should stick to the gym and watch my diet closely. Hope this info helps people who are grieving. Now the update. I've been very busy. I applied for a promotion at work. I could have taken it a long time ago, but it demands lots of traveling. I feel it will help me heal to be away. Also, I've been looking for a new place to live and I found one small apartment perfect for me. I've already paid three moths of rent in advance. I'll move as soon as possible. I haven't seen Jane since D-Day or Baldy since that Monday when, I am sure, he was fired. On the bright side, one of my neighbors, a lady in her fifties, met me in the condo's elevator. She told me she hasn't seen Jane lately. I told her we're slipping apart. And then she happens to remember she's having a dinner and her single niece is coming for a few days and I'm invited. It took me by surprise. Looks like I'm in the market again. My attorney told me Jane was going to be served last Friday, but we had some festivities in my country so she was served last Sunday morning at my in-laws' home. The following Monday, somebody, Jane, I guess, slit a letter under my door. Three sheets back and front, from Jane, mainly explaining about what led her to cheat. Here, we'll introduce the second villainous in the story. A co-worker of Jane will call her flirty. I've met her sometimes at Jane's work events, like Christmas or anniversary celebrations. She's really thin, almost skinny, and usually wears a lot of makeup. Also, she thinks every man wants to be with her. One time she told Jane I was staring at her. I did once because I could see her ribs and I thought she was unhealthily thin. Anyway, according to Jane's letter when she lost weight, Flirty approached her because she wanted them to be best friends, since they are the two hotties at work. That's when the brainwash started. Flirty made her think she deserves a better man. No, no, not only that, she's entitled to. She told her I was a pathetic man that will try to own her now that she's hot. When the incident with the Smith machine happened, Flirty said to Jane, See? See? Didn't I tell you? He wants to be your owner, more than your husband. Jane chose the easy way and bought it and due to Flirty's manipulation. She was resentful towards me for months. Jane confessed that she showed Flirty a picture on Facebook of Baldi and said that Flirty said, You wouldn't be a boss babe if you didn't go for it. You go girl. Besides, your pathetic husband doesn't compare to that Greek god. When we attended the gym at different times, Jane met Baldi accidentally at the mall and he approached her. She confessed she had a crush on a guy similar to Baldi before I met her. She never told me that before. They went for a bite and they both flirted. She had the opportunity, she was eager to, so she did. According to Jane, Baldi took her to his house that coincidentally is close to the mall where they ran into each other. This tells me she doesn't know that it's actually Frank's dad's home. All this happened nine months ago. Flirty is a professional cheater. She told Jane how to cover her tracks, the work words code, to hide Baldi's contact and to hide her map tracking history. She even told her that changing her phone password is stupid because I'll immediately suspect something. Jane noticed Baldi openly hated it when she talked about me. So as a punishment, he made hickeys on her body. Now I remember she started using pajamas to sleep because it was cold. He used to trash talk me but she ensures me that she never played along. Meanwhile, Flirty used to tell her that she's entitled to this romance and I deserve being cheated on because I'm a simpy beta. During those months, she says she liked the feeling of danger, the thrill and the intense moments she had with Baldi, but it also hurt her seeing me struggle trying to be a better husband and knowing. She was the direct reason for my pain. It was easier to ignore me and continue chasing the pleasure tingles Baldi gave her. In the letter, she also gives her perspective from D-Day. I completely blindsided her. She thought I was clueless. I'm going to write this part just like she wrote it. I was in shock and I covered myself with the blanket by pure instinct. When I reacted, I saw you pushing and kicking Baldi out of the room in the house. When I heard you closing the door and coming back, I didn't know what to say. I have never seen you this angry before. Then you said, I have never hurt you nor will I. That's true. In the years we've known each other, you have never hurt me, not even when we found out that it's my fault that we can't have children. After that, she heard me breaking down crying in the spare room. She wanted to comfort me, but how could she? In the main door, we have a mirror to check ourselves before going out. She looked at herself, but she couldn't bear the look. When she entered her car, she cried and told herself, what have I done? Baldi called her that night, but she blocked him. She arrived at her sister's house at about midnight, two hours later after the drama. Her house is around 40 minutes from mine. She was scared of telling her sister what happened because she's older, and she has a very strong character. Next day, she told Flirty what had happened. Flirty told her she should be happy that she got rid of me. I'm going to copy this part too, just like Jane wrote the conversation down. And then what? Babe, you are free. You can have your way with Baldi or any guy you want. And then? I don't follow you. What will happen when I'm tired of having my way with a bunch of guys? Then you can decide which one to date seriously. And then what? I don't know. Get married, I suppose. But I already had a marriage. But it was with OP. He's a loser. I bet Baldi is 100 times better than him. No, that's not true. He gave me a good life. Don't settle for so little. You can have a better man. Then they proceed to have a big fight in front of the co-workers. She can't recall it well, but she remembers swearing and yelling at her. Flirty told her that any guy hotter than me is better than me. I don't get what she has against me. But Jane realized what she destroyed. She was inconsolable, and her boss let her go home early. The next day is when I showed her sister, my sister-in-law, the footage I recorded. Jane was babysitting her twins at that time. After I drove her home, my sister-in-law asked Jane to help her go do some errands, just the two of them. That was a lie. They parked at a park and she demanded to know what was happening in her head to cheat on me. Jane cried and told her I don't know, to which her sister confessed she was envious of our marriage. Eleven years and not one huge fight. We both looked happy. She couldn't believe her little sister was capable of such a heinous thing. Jane was there for her sister when her ex-husband left her for another woman. Jane asked her not to kick her out. But my sister-in-law told her she can stay. After all, that house belongs to both of them. But she lets her know she's very disappointed, and she will side me if I ever need her help. Jane understood. Next Sunday. Jane came to apologize, but I wasn't home. When she received my attorney's card, she called and my attorney confirmed I hired him. She knew I was really going to divorce her. So she went to her new home and wrote a confession and sent it to everybody we both know. I started receiving messages and phone calls the following week. But I didn't want to read her answer. Now I've read some of the DMs and it is what she said. Most of them wanted to comfort me. One of her cousins said it takes guts to confess. And even to confess openly to everybody we both knew, therefore I should give her a try. The following week she tried to distract herself with work, but it seems everybody now knows she cheated. If you are unfaithful, in my country people see you like an easy woman. So female co-workers don't talk to her anymore, particularly flirty. And male co-workers are annoyingly friendly to her. She has to be relocated, but it'll take months. So she quit her job the following Friday. She has a good amount of savings. We had our finances separated and since I was the big earner, I paid for almost everything. Next day she was looking for me in her words to beg me take her back. She came here but when she saw I wasn't home, she went to my parents. My dad refused to speak to her, but my mom was sympathetic and told her that she's sorry about all this. But her son, me, is really hurt and asked them not to talk about her anymore. Jane understood but then went to my brothers. He told her OP is not here and frankly I don't want to talk to you and closed the door in front of her face. She came back to her new house sad and defeated. For the whole time last week she has been reflecting about her actions and she's been really depressed. Realizing how much damage she has done to our relationship. To her family and mine. An all for meaningless pleasure coming from a douchebag that, in her words, believes in astrology. Yeah, Baldi is heavily tattooed. He has a Torah sign on his arm. Sister-in-law suggested her to go to therapy. I don't blame her. If my brother were in the same situation I'd be very disappointed, but I'd try to make him realize what's wrong with him. She finally went to therapy and her therapist suggested writing me this letter and come clean to me completely. So she says all written in the letter is true. She swears on her life if I take her back. There will be no spouse in the history of humanity more grateful, loyal and honest than her. She suggests total access to her social media that I already had. She will always answer my calls no matter the situation and to never have friends that I don't approve. There are more things about family and friends that I don't think is important to share here. Besides it needs a lot of context. Finally she pleads to meet me and let her apologize properly to my face in her words. Sorry doesn't start to describe what I'm feeling right now. What do I think of this letter? The things I can confirm is that she hasn't contacted Baldi until that Monday when he was fired and she confessed to family and friends. The rest could be partially true, but I'm sure it's been sweetened down. For example, she does not mention when she called me jealous and immature. She does not mention letting Baldi be with her unprotected, even letting him go out with a bang between her sugar walls. If you get my drift, she can give me all her passwords, but she lied to my face and gaslighted me for nine months according to her and she was very good at it. Besides, I don't want to be her jailer. As I said, I will never trust her ever again. Whenever I see her face, I'll also see Baldi's neck in front of her. I will not be her second option nor her doormat. I haven't replied yet, but I think I'll see her next weekend. My mum had a co-worker that constantly told her to cheat on my dad. We're talking over ten years telling her that garbage dad did drank. My mum hit a breaking point and lots of men always made passes at her. What did she do when she finally got fed up? She came home and yelled at my father that it takes two people to make a marriage work and they were going to go to counselling. She already made the appointment. The co-worker came up in counselling because she had told my dad to his face my mum should cheat on him. Mum's answer, the co-worker is so unhappy with who she is that she sleeps with everyone to feel better. Why would she listen to someone that's broken and can't fix herself? My parents were married over 49 years when my dad died. Mum got asked out after he passed and still wouldn't date. Your wife's excuses are just that excuses and not good ones. Move on and know that there is someone else out there for you. I'll explain. A few days after my last post I had an anxiety attack due to the stress I had bottled up according to my therapist. My life had a 180 change and my mind hadn't had time to adjust. It was my first time having these kind of episodes. I thought I was having a stroke, tachycardia, sweating and panic clouded my judgment. My co-workers dialed 911 and an ambulance came for me. If I hadn't been so scared I'd surely would have enjoyed the ride. I was so very sure at any moment I'd pass. The paramedic repeated to me, Mr. you are having a panic attack, everything is going to be fine. I tried to focus on his comforting words but I couldn't. My only thoughts were, I'm going to die. At the hospital they sedated me and I started to feel better and sleepy. I could answer questions, the doctor asked for my name, my age, what day was it? I could answer correctly until I passed out. When I woke up, guess who was next to me? Try to guess real good. I'm sure you won't guess it. Jane. Jane was sitting next to me. I forgot to take her name and number out my emergency contact list. I was very confused due to the drugs. I smiled at her and said, Jane. She was sitting reading a book and when she heard me she jumped off her seat and approached me. She had tears in her eyes and told me, Hello my love. You really scared us. That's when everything came back to me. I stopped smiling and asked, what are you doing here? I tried to sit but my body felt numb and clumsy. She shushed me and told me, Take it easy. No sudden movements. I'll get the doctor. She moved her face towards mine and kissed my forehead and left. I wanted to evade the kiss but my reflexes were numb. Her kiss felt so familiar but I know it has been more than a year since she kissed me with sincere love. While she was gone I looked around me. I was in a big room with six other beds, four of them with a patience. They all separated by curtains to have privacy. I also noticed I wasn't wearing my clothes but a hospital robe. A few minutes later she came back with the doctor. I had slept for 26 hours. The doctor explained all about the anxiety attack I suffered. He asked me if I stopped taking any meds but Jane and I answered almost at the same time. I don't, he doesn't take any meds. I hate how well she knows me. The doctor told me the episode comes from a heavy stress or a sudden change in my life, or both. I glanced at Jane but she hit her eyes. He ordered some days off to reflect and get some therapy. I told him I'm already on therapy, but the doc said I need to see a psychiatrist. My therapist is a psychologist so she can't prescribe meds. I need meds. He told me that I must be hungry and the next day I'd be discharged and he left. It was 8 p.m. so Jane had another hour until visiting hours were over and she didn't look like she wanted to leave. It felt awkward and woozy which led me to chatter like an idiot. So I asked, you said you scared us. Who is us? She smiled. I bet she knew I couldn't resist to talk. Your parents and me, they were here in the morning. Did they leave? Yes, they are expecting my call. I'll talk to them tomorrow. You can leave. I want to sleep. But your dinner is almost here. When the doctor mentioned I must be hungry, my stomach grumbled. I didn't eat a thing for 26 hours. A few minutes later a veteran nurse came with a tray on a cart. She asked Jane to manipulate the bed, so I'd be in sitting position to eat. I don't know what kind of face I made because Jane was amused and staring at me while the nurse arranged the tray in front of me on my bed. I'm an ex-glutton guy. She said, God I love you so much. I glared at her again and asked her one more time to go home. But the nurse got really mad at me. According to her, Jane's sponge bathed me and she even shaved me. She shaved me? I didn't notice until she told me. Finally she asked Jane to feed me because I was still coming out of the meds. I told her we're getting divorced, but she said that's not her problem and I should be thanking her as she's been here to help and I am a very ungrateful person. After this the nurse finally left. Jane stayed and tried to feed me. I refused her help and tried to eat even though my movements were very clumsy. I was making a mess with the soup and Jane begged me to let her help me. I felt like a spoiled brat making a tantrum. I just said fine and let her feed me. I never felt so vulnerable before. Vulnerable. While being at the mercy of the one who betrayed me the most, she behaved very maternalistic and affectionate. I could have a close look at her. She wasn't wearing makeup. I saw more lines of expression and also she has crow's feet now. I felt better after I finished eating. She took the tray out of the room. She was in a good mood. I saw a patient in front of me, a man in his fifties, checking Jane when she went out and came back. I'm not surprised. She was wearing a coat and jeans, but she's very pretty. I didn't like the feeling of being in debt with her. I was still drowsy and when she sat down I said, thanks for being here. She looked me in the eyes and smiled. Any time. She tried to comb my hair in my forehead with her hand, but I regained myself and could reject her this time. She looked hurt and I didn't say anything. She tried to grab my hand, but I removed it and she said, Can we talk, please? I remained silent. There are only two reasons for me to at least be cordial to her. The twins. They weren't baptized when they were toddlers, but after sister-in-law's ex went away, Jane and I supported her sister in the twins. I love those two little rascals with all my heart. When we babysitter them, I told Jane this would count as parent training for when we had our own. That will never happen. Her sister asked us to be their godparents and I teared with emotion. They are the closest thing I have to a daughter and a son. I know Jane loves them too and I don't want any drama near my godson and goddaughter and I miss them so much. I haven't seen them since about a week before D-Day. Also, I haven't spoken to them because I was avoiding Jane, so I told her, okay, let's talk at home. I'll contact you soon. She offered to take me home the next day when I get discharged. I told her no. I'll ask my parents to come for me and I'll see her again at my home. I wanted to talk to my parents. She noticed I was looking for my clothes. She opened a cabinet next to my bed and gave me my phone. I looked at her suspiciously and she made her guilty face again, meaning I am sure she snooped my phone and she admitted it. We didn't utter a word. That's the language we developed by being married 11 years. I don't care if she snooped, I have nothing to hide. I texted my parents and they called almost immediately. While I was talking to them, the same old nurse told Jane visiting hours were over. She wanted to say goodbye but I ignored her. She whispered to my ear. I know you keep your word. I'll wait for you to contact me. I love you. She kissed my hair and left. I do keep my word. My father always told me, a man is worth as much as his word. I asked my parents if they knew what happened after I passed out. According to them, one of my co-workers showed up in the hospital to give information about my medical secure. That's when the staff saw the emergency contact and they called Jane. Her sister contacted them after the hospital called. When Jane came, she met my co-worker and he left. Jane was waiting for the doctor assigned to me when my parents arrived. My dad was very cordial to her and asked what she knew. After a while waiting, a nurse called out, relatives of patient OP. They stood up and the nurse guided them to the doctor. They've already tested my blood and told them I'm physically healthy. My anxiety attack stems from a psychological aspect. The doctor asked for Jane to see me because she's the emergency contact. She promised my parents to call them after seeing me. When she came back, she was surprised my parents were still there waiting. She gave them a ride to their home while she told them she helped the nurses to undress me and put the hospital robe on. They didn't talk about our divorce. My parents thanked her for the ride and agreed to visit in the morning and she'd switch in the afternoon around 1 pm. Also, I called her sister to thank her for calling my parents. Luckily, my godchildren were still up and I could speak to them. They were drawing get well soon cards for me. I promised to visit next weekend. Next day, it was Thursday. I was discharged from the hospital. My parents took me to my new home. A week before my panic attack, I started moving to my new place. I took my personal belongings. Everything else will stay in the condo. I'll rent it as fully furnished. Luckily, there are three universities nearby. I know there are students who would pray for a place like mine. I've already bought the basic furniture, a refrigerator, a stove I have to learn to cook my meals from now on, a bed, a table with chairs and a desk and cleaning tools. I felt thrilled for the first time. I can call this little apartment, my own place. I bought a nice warm jacket for Mr. P. I gave it to him, thanked for his help and told him I'll visit from time to time. I didn't attend to my neighbor's dinner. I don't feel like dating yet. I think I need more therapy and do some more healing. At my new home, I reflected about my goals meeting Jane. I concluded I need closure, understand her actions, make her understand there is no possible reconciliation and end up things amicably. I'll divorce her and move on. But I don't want to lose my in-laws, my sweet and incoherent mother-in-law, my stubborn and strong sister-in-law and her twins who I love. I don't want to miss their birthdays and future achievements. I want to be at least cordial to Jane. At work, my boss gave me five days off starting the next week. I didn't want to stay in, so I went to the beach. It really helped me to be away from everything and rest. I realized I do love my wife, but the chubby one, the one who got excited when Pizza Fridays arrived, the one who I married 11 years ago, the one who supported my dreams and hopes, the one who hugged me when life got rough. I don't know what happened to her. Did Vanity killed her? Lust? No idea. But I loved my wife deeply and the one who betrayed me is not my wife. Well, with the stress you're under, this was bound to happen. I took a road trip after mine, an awesome adventure, no planning, me and my bike in distance. If I have something heavy to deal with, I ride far and long. Now for your wife. You made your intentions clear. Nine months are long to betray and lie. I think she is also in shock. Her fantasy came to an abrupt halt. A cheater and the betrayed spouse both could feel the need to want to reconcile, to keep a shred of their old stability. Her attempt to reconcile stems from this. In time, she will revert back to the seeking of validation and will cheat again. She needs years of treatment and counseling. Your mind seems made up. I will not judge you if you do not keep to your decision to divorce. The thing is, chances of you two reconciling is slim at best. That one or two percent that does reconcile has children and normally break up after the kids leave home. You do not have that additional bond. Now as to your in-law kids, you and Jane not reconciling and keeping an amicable relationship with her while keeping it good for the kids is going to be a gauntlet to navigate. One more thing. You're vulnerable now. You're a betrayed spouse, just like your sister-in-law. Watch out that something does not develop that you and your sister-in-law can't control. You have a lot in common. Both love children and both respect and admire the other. Both now sailed on the USS Betrayed flagship. Both are emotional. It's the perfect time for romance. Be very careful, my brother. Very, very careful. Go see Jane. Get your closure. There will be nothing more than it was a mistake. I don't know why. I am sorry. Yada, yada. These all come from the cheater gas lighting book. I wanted to keep it a secret so you would not get hurt. He forced me and made hickeys on me. I had intimacy with him to protect you. The standard Joan of Arc. I took one for the team bull. That's what her letter is leading up to. It should never have happened. I wish it never did. If you stay and it's up to you, in three to five years, you will wish you had left. Everything she will do will seem artificial and forced. Take that promotion. Travel the world. Keep your relationship with your niece and nephew through a screen. This till you're more emotionally stable and the divorce is final. Then when you're stringer stable and again running on all cylinders, then decide. Jane may turn out to be the only wayward wife who actually shows unconditional remorse. As to kids, save your money. 45 is young. Enter a surrogacy pregnancy agreement and get a kid that's yours and only yours. The egg donated. The surrogate not related to you or maybe a sister. I read of a 54-year-old mom carrying her sons and his wife's children because his wife had to have her uterus removed during emergency treatment. Without Jane, the possibility are endless. With her, well, that's your choice. We can only try and give opinions. You will have to shape and live your future. Whatever you decide, we will be here chiming in our collective learned experience, gained in the hard knock world of betrayal. Hoping and praying for you, brother, take your time to rest, small steps. You decide and move slowly. No regrets. Finally I saw my godchildren. Sister-in-law took them to a park and I met them there. We four had a great day. Last weekend I met Jane. It was pretty much as I expected. Pleading and lost of crying on both sides. Surprisingly, she didn't blame me. She admitted it was all on her. When she snooped my phone, she saw I moved out of our place. My Reddit posts, so she knows everything I know. And more important to her, that I'm not dating. Before the meeting I had another session with my therapist and discussed my anxiety attack and the talk I'll have with Jane. She told me the best way to move on is following the next steps. One, hit rock bottom. Two, identify and take control of your emotions. Three, focus on self-improvement. Four, take a break. Literally. Five, be constructive. Most of you champions told me to keep my emotions in check. I am sure I'll get angry, sad, anxious. I must not let it cloud my words and judgment. Also I'm prone to have another anxiety episode. My therapist mentioned some techniques of breathing that really helped me. Let's move to last Saturday when I met up with Jane. I asked Mr. P to check if she's alone. She came on time, alone and stunning. New short dress, high heels. That she hates but she knows I like her wearing them. I won't lie, my heart skipped a beat. She smiled at me when I opened the door, like she was so happy to see me. I remained calm and expressless. She opened her arms expecting a hug, but I made a sign inviting her to come in instead. I offered tea, she loves chamomile tea, she accepted and I made myself a coffee. We sat in front of each other, the table in the middle. I took out my phone and started recording. I tried to write word by word and using boxing references, but it's too long and crude so I gave up. I'll give you a summary. After some dumb chit chat, she made me feel awkward again. She told me she's read my post and the waterworks began. She said the Jane who made me suffer is gone now. She says that the thing called a fair fog is real and she can't believe what she did to me. I told her, then you know I think your letter has been sugar coated. She said all she wrote is true, but I mentioned I think it is BS that flirty brainwashed her. She's ten times smarter than that low tier woman. I demanded for her to tell me the truth. She went silent and I raised my voice. No Jane, you are not allowed to be silent again. I had to breathe because I was getting angry. You have to come clean to me right now. I know more than what you wrote in your letter. Sadly she admitted she wanted to eff Baldy. She admitted she loved the attention she was receiving and when she saw Baldy devouring her with his eyes, she felt thrilled and aroused. She confessed it began before the elliptical machine's incident, about a week before when I was changing clothes in the showers and she was waiting for me outside. Baldy chatted with her and he was flirty and she couldn't believe he'd come on to her. She cried when she told me this. I asked, is that what it takes for you to throw your morals and ethics away? A strong body and a birdbrain? From that moment I referred to Baldy as birdbrain. She said she was really stupid and selfish and that she took me for granted. But she assures me that this was only physical, never emotional. She swears she never said to him, I love you and I am the only owner of her heart and her body. As I breathed deep into my body I regained some of my composure. I told her, it's been about three months since we were intimate and last time I could tell you weren't into it. I bet you were longing for birdbrain. She says that's not true because according to her she can't bear a life without me. I said, I don't believe you. You had a good income. You could easily sustain a decent life with birdbrain. She repeated she doesn't love him and he was just a toy. I called BS one more time and reminded her when I saw them in the mall. This is how the conversation went. I saw you at the mall with him, hugging, kissing like when we were engaged. She was fidgeting. I'm so sorry. Tell me the truth. You do love him. She shook her head. I liked how people stared at us but I don't love him. Seems like you were the perfect couple which would never happen to us, right? You loved the attention which you would never have with a person like me. Please don't say that. Why not? It's true. It is. I don't perceive myself as an attractive man. I'm the kind of guy anybody wouldn't look twice. No, you are the man of my dreams. I only want to be with you. If you love me so much, then why cheat on me? What did he give you? I didn't. She couldn't answer the question. I repeated it and she covered her face with her hands and finally admitted she considers birdbrains body more attractive than mine. Another jab right to the soul. It was something I expected but damn it hurt. I swear I had a moment of weakness and I hate myself for that. One moment I yelled again. That moment lasted nine months. Crying starts again but now it went out of control. Nine months. Nine fucking months of disrespect and lies. Tell me how could I trust you ever again? Was birdbrain the only one? What will happen when the next douchebag steps in front of you? You were very good at lying and hiding your cheating. Now she looked desperate. I'm telling you the truth. I know you have no reason to believe me but I've reflected. I've seen my life without you and I am so sorry. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry your family hates me but most of all I am so ashamed I hurt you. I beg for your forgiveness. I'm here to come clean and fix things so we could be together again. A lot of tears fell from her face. Before D-Day I'd give an arm to ease those tears. Today I only felt anger. I think you are not getting it. I can no longer trust you. I can't be your husband anymore. There is no way I can forget you in that room with him. You texted him the very same day I told you I was going to my parents and you were ready to get rid of me. My god Jane. Half an hour after I left he was inside you without protection and you even let him bust. Why? By this moment I was crying too and I forced her to answer. She looked defeated. She said it made birdbrain more excited and she liked it and since she can't get pregnant she thought it didn't matter. I swallowed saliva because I felt a huge knot in my throat. With trembling voice I asked what else? I was fishing for more information but I didn't expect to hear what was coming next. I never expected what was coming next. Jane couldn't look me in the eyes. She looked down and said he made me beg him to do it. This was an uppercut to me. I couldn't speak for several minutes. This is when I hit rock bottom. We both cried and Jane only said forgive me forgive me. She tried to grab my hand but I firmly removed it. Then she told me the first time birdbrain did it was the first time she denied intimacy to me. She felt dirty and didn't want me to be tainted. I felt disgusted. I almost throwed up. She swears that's when birdbrain became more demanding and even threatened to come and tell me everything because he thinks Jane belongs to him. I couldn't utter a word. I could still feel the knot in my throat. I wiped my tears with my sleeve. I used our familiar sign hint to tell her that her makeup was running. She went to the bathroom and I could catch my breath to calm down a little. While she was away, I could confirm there is no way I'd take her back. I'm so disgusted. I feel like I was gutted out. But I also knew I needed to know this. I needed to know how deep the rabbit hole goes. I don't want to carry this anger and confusion anymore. When she came back from the bathroom, I told her I can't go on. I need space and time. She said she understood. Before she left, she asked me if I will ever forgive her. I told her I don't know. But I appreciate her honesty. She hugged me. I didn't return the hug. She cried and I could feel her tears wetting my neck. She swore in the name of my late father-in-law who was her hero. She will never cheat on me ever again that she has gone no contact with birdbrain. She called him birdbrain herself. And to devote her life to us, to our marriage. She even proposed to gain weight again, so I'd be sure she's committed to me. I told her she's saying nonsensees. We both made a big effort to lose weight. But she says therapy made her realize she's a narcissist and an attention junkie. I gave her a key copy of the condo to get all her stuff. She finally left after this. I thought I'd cry a lot. But strangely, I had a feeling of relief. It feels like my mind is telling me, now you can move on. I lay down and reflected a lot. I even skipped a meal. In my mind, I finally accepted the love of my life is gone. I guess I got my closure. Hi again, champions. Thank you all for your DMs and comments asking for an update. Sorry to tell you, depression has kicked in. Let me walk you through. Several things have happened in the last few months. But today, February 17th, my divorce is completed. I am a single man again. First, let's go back to October 2022. At last, I had a good peak in my life as single man. I've been going to my parents' house to learn to cook. I like cooking a lot. Last weekend, I made bread myself. The end result was kind of ugly, but delicious nonetheless. I'll practice a lot, so I can bake a cake for my godchildren for their birthday next March. Also, I noticed I'm very intolerant towards cheating topics. Have you seen the sitcom, The Office? It used to crack me up. But now that I saw the cheating and gaslighting, it stopped being funny to me. Even if they try to hide it as romance, I can't tolerate it. I bet none of the writers have been cheated on. I spoke to my attorney. He mentioned Birdbrain's case proceeded, and that reminded me I wanted to have a chat with Frank. Long story short, I met Frank and he told me Birdbrain was fired the same Monday I spoke to him. And yes, he was living illegally at Frank's father's house. Since Birdbrain was his employee for years, Frank started a civil case against him for trespassing, meaning he can't be near Frank or any of his properties for the next five years. If he does, the cops will be involved. I asked if Jane would be sued too, but he said Birdbrain confessed she was unaware of the situation, and that she just went to the house to exercise with his guidance. They used the repaired equipment to exercise. Besides, Frank assumed Jane and I were still together, and he felt he owed me that. Frank is very cordial and friendly. He was cheated on in his youth, so he has zero tolerance on the topic. He gave me something as a gift. He said, you're going to love this. He showed me his phone. It was a soundless video from one of his CCTV cameras. It took me a minute to recognize it was showing the gym's cafeteria. All tables are empty, but one. There is a man sitting with his back to the camera. Then a huge muscular back appears and I recognize Harry walking towards the man. I ask, is that… Frank nods and I continue watching. Harry puts his hand on Birdbrain's shoulder. Then Birdbrain covers his face with his hands. I can tell they are chatting, and finally both men walk towards the camera, and Birdbrain's face can be seen clearly for a few seconds. Sad expression, red eyes, tears on his cheeks and full-blown ugly crying. The video ends when they are out of the screen. We both laughed. I said I'm going to put this video as my screensaver. It was taken the day before Birdbrain was fired. I've gone to my first session with the psychiatrist. He said I have signs of depression due to my anxiety combined with my insecurities, so he prescribed a soft anti-depressant pill daily until next session. At the time, I didn't feel any different. Also, I started taking kickboxing lessons. My coach told me I have good reflexes, but I have a long way to go. Jane took all her stuff from my place. She also took our big marriage picture. My brother's friend gave me a good idea. I'll sacrifice the living room to make another bedroom, and make the dining room and kitchen a common area, so it will have three bedrooms. I hired a guy to take care of it. My attorney informed me that Jane has her own attorney, and he requested a meeting. I asked what I have to do, and he told me to play along. He'll do all the talking, and I just have to agree. Unless my lawyer thinks they make an unreasonable request, he'll ask for a time to discuss it. The following week, the meeting took place at Jane's attorney's office. Jane was stunning and very quiet. She was trying to steal glances from me. After the proper introductions, her attorney mentioned since I've already refused to pay alimony. The issue concerning to her client won't be mentioned, Jane's adultery. My attorney said that's fine if it is listed for the record, which her attorney reluctantly agreed. Then they proceeded to split our assets, which was pretty fast, because I don't want anything, and Jane said she has taken everything she treasures. Besides, we didn't have expensive stuff. Finally, her attorney asked for five sessions of marriage counseling and added that if I agree, I have to attend with an open mind and honesty. In return, his client guarantees a smooth divorce. My attorney reduced them to three and no contact between sessions. I made a worry face to my attorney and he kicked my foot under the table, meaning to play along. I saw Jane and she was making a face I've seen when she really wants me to do something, so I made my face of light defeat like, okay, you win this one, and she smiled in return, marriage language again. Later, I asked my attorney if marriage counseling was necessary. He said it is. Because the judge who will be assigned to our case may agree with Jane, since she's making the attempt of reconcile while I am not. Or the judge may agree with me and ignore it. So attending to marriage counseling is a necessary risk. I said she was the one who cheated. He told me I've already asked for a compensation and the judge will overlook her adultery. The judge has the power to divorce us right there or may order more counseling and or even a period for reconciliation. It's like flipping a coin. Moving on to mid-October, we attended to the first session. We sat on big sofas one in front of the other and in the middle the counselor. Let's call her Dolores. After hearing all the background and the main point of our divorce, she asked both of us what we expected from this. I said I just want to be amicable but still want to divorce and Jane said she wants to reconcile. She asked for Jane's opinion about my goal and she said she doesn't want to divorce. She has never stopped loving me. I was about to argue but the counselor asked me to not interrupt. Then she asked me about Jane's goal. I said I don't think we can reconcile because I don't trust her anymore and on top of that I think she's in love with her affair partner. This time Jane wanted to say something but the counselor asked Jane to not interrupt. Then asked me why I think that. I mentioned the gaslighting, how she was giggling the day before D-Day and how eager she was to get rid of me on D-Day before the confrontation. It was Jane's turn to talk. She swears she doesn't love birdbrain. She has never told him I love you because she doesn't. She barely spoke to him during the day even though he was constantly sending messages to her. She assures me she doesn't know important stuff like his birthday but she confessed she liked the thrill, the secrecy, the staring from other people. She wanted to show me from her phone she wasn't talking to birdbrain that night. I said her phone is useless because she used to delete conversations. Dolores mentioned there are apps that can recover deleted messages. I said oh yeah but Jane was silent and I could see she her brain wheels were started to spin faster. Dolores and I stared at her and she was making nervous movements. I said will you give me your phone? Jane looked like she wanted to argue but kept silent. I said you are still in contact with him aren't you? Jane almost screamed no I swear but she was hesitant about giving me her phone but finally she gave it to me and said please remember the Jane who texted is not me anymore. I said what does that mean? Jane says I beg you don't make me say it I was in the fog. I asked Dolores about this affair fog. She told me from her experience it looks like the judgment is clouded by the excitement and focus on a new relationship so the subject's mind can't comprehend or just ignores the consequences of their actions. It varies a lot from person to person. Jane told me I'm deeply sorry for all I texted to him now I can't understand why I was so disrespectful to you. At that moment I wasn't sure I'd want to know what she meant if she trashed me like birdbrained did it would be a massive blow to me. I confided her everything about me. Next Dolores asked me what it takes for me to reconcile. I told her there are two mayor obstacles I don't see how to overcome. One she lied for a long time and I can't trust her anymore. Two I can't be intimate with her ever again since she gave her body to another man. This made Jane tear up she says it was purely physical like using a toy. Besides she swears birdbrain wasn't very impressive at all. I reminded her my reason number one she insisted almost desperate. OP I have never made love to him you are the only one. I just felt angry and yelled back and that's why you didn't touch me for the last months. Dolores asked Jane her reasoning to cheat on me. She spoke about she being the chubby girl bullied and ignored. She was very lonely when she was a teenager. At university she was friends with some girls but they tend to leave her behind. If it weren't for her good grades they would have completely ignored her. Then we met and it was like finding a twin soul. When she lost weight all her fat went to very strategic places that made her look voluptuous. At first it was scary when men stared at her but when Flirty and her friends told her she's hot and beautiful and that she must be confident of herself. That's when she started enjoying the attention and her ego went to the clouds. Then she saw birdbrains staring at her too. She told me you don't know how it feels to be ugly. I told her I do. I lost count of rejections and friend zoning. At work female colleagues made a list of handsome male colleague and I didn't make the list. I am still unattractive and I didn't care because I had a person who loved me but that person traded me for a better looking guy. That sentence made her tear again. I belong to an ethnicity very bullied in my country associated to poverty and ugliness. I had very hurtful nicknames and according to my therapist that's what made me gain weight like an armor to protect my wounded ego. Dolores asked me if I can see she's remorseful. I said I can tell she is but she's remorseful just because she's been caught not for her cheating. Jane said she knows she screwed up that's why she confessed to all the people we both know. Dolores was specially interested in this confession and asked Jane why she confessed to people unaware of our marital problems. She said she knew she deserved a punishment. It wasn't enough to receive my anger and cold shoulder. Many people called her bad names and berated her. She listened to every word every insult and every swearing. Sister-in-law can confirm this. She lost friendships and most of my relatives have disowned her but she gladly took that bitter step if it would help to reconcile with me. I was out of words. Dolores told me most unfaithful people tend to hide their cheating as a negation mechanism but Jane didn't. She owned her mistake. That's something I should give her credit for. I asked what would have happened if I still were unaware if today I were still clueless. She said Birdbrain was getting very aggressive and he was demanding either he or I tell you about the affair. He used to scare me saying something would happen to you and I was afraid what he would do. I scoffed in her own words. I think you finding out was the best thing that could happen. It made me react and realize how screwed up I was. I told her I know Birdbrain is in love with her and she already knew. That's why he hates me and used to trash me and he was demanding her to disrespect me in my own house. He knew if I was in the picture Jane will never be his. Dolores asked me what does your wife win asking for this marriage counseling. If she's so in love with Birdbrain wouldn't she be eager to divorce you sooner. Why is she making all this effort. I must remind you she has already lost her acquaintances respect. I couldn't answer. I know I'm not her meal ticket. She had a very decent job and she can get another one easily. She's not homeless nor disowned from her sister. Then I said for the sake of the argument let's say we reconcile and we live together again. What would happen then? I doubt everything she tells me. Every time I'm not looking I'd suspect it'd be torture for me. Jane said I know it would be difficult but I'd never give you reasons to doubt me. I responded you wouldn't for now but what about in two years when the dust settles when I have signs of trusting you again and another douchebag catches your eye or stares at you. Jane kneeled in front of me looking me in the eyes. I'd never hurt you ever again. The two most devastating experiences I recently had were when I received the divorcing papers and thinking you may have been badly injured when they called me from the hospital. If you give me another chance I'll always remember these two times I thought I lost you and I'll devote my life to make us happy. I was out of words again so I just scoffed again. By the time the session was over I still had her phone and took it with me. At home I checked Jane's phone. I noticed birdbrain is still blocked. I unblocked him and the phone was spammed with lots of messages. Babe are you okay? Babe call me. Babe I'll go to your house to check on you unless you call me first. Babe where are you? I bought an app to recover deleted messages. I have to confess I was very nervous. I got most of the earlier messages back. The older ones were difficult so I got a few of them. I was expecting she being disrespectful to me but she tries not to mention me. I found some sexting conversations but knowing Jane she didn't enjoyed it. Birdbrain uses rude words a lot and demeaning language and Jane hates that. He called her Babe and some other ridiculous pet names I didn't even dare to use when we were in the honeymoon phase. Lots of I love use from him but I didn't find a single one from Jane. I felt some relief and then punched myself because I shouldn't feel that. Also as Jane said birdbrain used to mock me. He called me fatty, pathetic loser and a little girl. Whenever he mentions me Jane just said I don't want to talk about my husband. In the most recent messages I can tell whenever she didn't play along. Birdbrain got angry and he told her he was on his way to my job to tell me everything while she begged him not to. Obviously it was just a bluff. He doesn't know where I work. I looked for the messages at D-Day minus one and she didn't text it him. No call records either. I snooped some more and saw she was messaging to a chat group with flirty and two other girls that night. They are hilarious. Some of their comments made me chuckle. One day after D-Day Jane was kicked out of the group. The next marriage counseling session was related to our past. Dolores asked how we met. It was at the university. We both were in the library doing homework. I had the last copy of a certain book. Jane asked me for it because she had to go home early but I also had to go to my job so we both needed it and I told her we can photocopy it. We were in different careers but we had the same teacher so the assignment was the same. We chat while we were in the line. We hit it off on and I noticed how beautiful intelligent and kind she is. She just thought I was a good person. I lend her the book and I got the photocopies. That way she had to return the book to me and we would chat again. I arrived late at work but I felt it was totally worth. We were friendly until I invited her out but she turned me down. From there I just greeted her in the hallways like a friend but I didn't make a move on her. Suddenly a week later she invited me out. I babbled a yes and we started dating. Next Dolores asked what made us fell in love with each other. In my case it was when I took Jane to eat Japanese food for the first time. She was clumsily trying to eat using the chopsticks until she had enough and said f this and she pierced the meat and ate that way. I'd never heard her cursing before so it made me laugh and I said I love you for the first time. Jane took longer but she says it was in a trip we both took. She knew it was going to be our first time being intimate but she had cold feet because she thought it would disappoint her father. Also she was scared. She thought I would get mad and didn't tell me. At night she started crying and apologized to me. I told her I'm not mad and if she didn't feel ready I understand. I want her to trust me and feel comfortable with me. We cuddle and slept. She realized she felt secure with me and that was the first time she told me she loved me. That session I didn't got angry nor yelled and I had a nice time remembering good old times. I gave Jane her phone back. I told her I believe her that she's not in love with birdbrain. She took her phone, smiled at me and left without a word. She really is respecting my no contact request. The following Sunday one of my cousins, let's call her Karen, threw a Halloween party at a bar and she invited me. No disguises were required so I groomed and attended to the party alone. Karen was one of the many people who received Jane's confession. She wrote her that she'll introduce me to a very hot date so she introduced me to a friend of hers, a woman in her late 20s, very attractive. Let's call her Princess. I greeted her and then I saw it. She made a face I've seen several times, like if I had a giant booger dripping from my nose. A face of disgust and disappointment. I usually don't care about it because I had my beautiful wife. At that time I was eager to know how much I've improved myself. Seems none since 18 years ago when I met Jane. She never gave me that look. She always looked happy to see me. That's why I fell fast and hard for her. Immediately my defense mechanism acted up and I wanted to keep my distance from Princess. But Karen sat us on a booth and I tried very clumsily to chat. But she barely responded to me. She took her phone out and texted while I tried to maintain some level of conversation. Another guy came and told her, Here you are. I didn't know you were coming. Wanna dance? She looked at me and said, You don't mind, right? I said, Go and have fun. I saw them getting lost in the crowd while I kept thinking. So he didn't know she was here but he was still looking for her. I bet she texted him. Come and save me from this creep. I looked for Karen. It took me some minutes to find her. She was talking to Princess. Before they noticed me I clearly heard her saying, You said he is a catch. He is, Karen said. And then she saw me. They immediately got quiet. I said I'm not feeling well and I'm going home. I told Princess, Sorry for not meeting your expectations. She shrugged. Karen had daggers in her eyes. When I got home I thought she just was some materialistic witch but she moved some dark old feelings from my youth. I couldn't stop them from coming at me. I'll be alone from now on. Childless. Wifeless. I am a very unattractive man. It will be very hard for me to build another relationship. I'm almost 45 and alone, a total loser. I had another anxiety attack. My therapist told me what to do. I got under my sheets covered from head to toes. I was crying, trembling and sobbing. I don't know for how long until I woke up. But it was still very early in the morning. My pillow was soaking wet because of my tears and sweat. My head hurt and I sat on my bed staring at the floor for almost an hour, lost in my dark thoughts until my alarm rang. It was time to get up. But I didn't. I felt out of energy. I didn't go to the gym. I sat on the shower floor to sob and I went to work. One of my close colleagues, same guy who lend me his car, noticed I was very quiet and slow. He told me I looked sad and I finally understood depression has kicked in. The following day I received some texts from Karen apologizing for her friend. I ignored it and tried to go to the gym, but I felt like my energy was cut in half or less. I was tired very quickly. I didn't complete my session and went home. The following Tuesday I took my God children trick or treating with my sister-in-law. In Mexico we do this on November 1 and 2. I cheered a bit, but when I got home I felt down again. The third and final session was three days after Karen's party. I arrived and tried to make a good face, but I failed. It took some minutes for Jane to notice I was not the same. She asked me if I was okay. I faked a smile and said I'm fine, but she stared at me and I couldn't look her in the eyes and she asked Dolores if we can reschedule because OP isn't feeling well. I insisted I'm fine, but Jane said, That's a lie. I can tell. You're not fine. Dolores asked me what I am feeling. I didn't want to look weak in front of Jane, but then she said it. He's sad. I looked at her surprised. She moved closer to me until she sat next to me and asked. What's wrong? She grabbed my hand and this time I didn't reject her. I just saw her big beautiful brown eyes scanning my soul. I'm ashamed to admit I started to sob. I put my elbows on my knees and teared a bit. Jane caressed my back and I regained some composure. My nose was running and my eyes were red. I went to the restroom and wet my face. When I returned and sat next to Jane, I saw she had tears on her face and Dolores asked what the reason of my sadness was. Jane said with trembling voice it was her fault. I agreed to be honest and told her it's not because of her. My insecurities are giving me a rough time. Jane stopped crying and grabbed my face with both of her hands and placed it in front of hers, nose to nose. She said, Listen, I really hate it when you say you are unattractive. Yeah, I've whined to her about this in the past, especially when I felt I was losing her. Then she started mentioning the things she likes about me. She also added, When I undressed you at the hospital and you were only in your underwear, the nurses and I thought, hubba hubba. That's the best translation I could find. That made me chuckle and I did feel better. I can see you are in better shape than I remember. I did lose another four kilograms when all this drama started, but I also lost some muscle due to lack of sleep and appetite. I glanced at Dolores. She was silent the whole time staring at us. She said, You both can still work on a new marriage. Your previous marriage is done. But a new concept could work for both of you. That is my advice if you want to take it. Jane loved the idea. I said I'm not sure about that, and I'll discuss it with my lawyer and my therapist. The rest of the session we talked about our life so far individually. I didn't know Jane got another job in a different company, doing the same thing she did in the previous one and she's still doing therapy. I mentioned I'm learning to cook and trying to focus on my mental health. She asked us the good points and bad points of being separated. I mentioned I am busier and it helps me to go on. I didn't mention sometime I miss my wife, but Jane did. She said, I hate being alone and not in my home with my husband, who I love dearly. And she pressed my hand. I hadn't noticed we were sitting next to each other and she was still holding my hand. I'm sorry to admit in that moment of darkness, her warm touch felt like a pure ray of light. The session was over. Dolores signed the documents given by our attorneys. We walked together and I took her to her car, still unsure about my feelings to her. She asked me if the no-contact request was over. I told her it is. Then she asked me if we can have a date for my birthday, mid-November. When she saw my face of worrying, she hurried to say it was only a dinner. She just wanted us to chat, like the good old times. I agreed, but asked for no kisses and no excessive touching. We agreed to meet two weeks later, one day before my birthday. Meanwhile, I asked for no contact again. Hi, champions. I'm back with the final update. I appreciate everyone in here. It is because of you that today I have high hopes for my future. Thanks to all of you anonymous strangers who dedicate time for all the hurt souls and lead them to heal. This kind of club sucks, but in the shared pain we find truly kind individuals who give us a hand just because they've met the same pain. Thank you very much. After meeting Jane and scheduled a date for our date, I was very confused about my feelings. I had to read my own testimony to remind myself what she did to me, but it was like a different person wrote it. I myself was thinking her cheating was not so bad. Now I see she's remorseful. I watched the tape again, of her with birdbrain. I wanted to get angry, but I just felt empty. I turned to some of you guys to give me advice through DMs and learned that also exists something called the reconciliation fog. This makes us do the pick me dance, to forgive cheaters and excuse their actions, my case. I was deep into this fog due to my depression and low self-esteem. Fortunately, I had two weeks before my date with Jane. First, I had a meeting with my attorney. He said it was a bad idea that I should only meet with both attorneys present. I told him it was important to me. It was going to be my litmus test. He said, What if she's recording you and presents it as evidence of reconciliation? I told him I'm still not sure what I wanted to do. That's why I need to see what happens. He shrugged and said, You won't be the first one having cold feet. But if you still want a divorce, you need to evade any reconciliation topic and no signs of affection. I told him I understood. In the first week, I had an appointment with my therapist and my psychiatrist. My therapist suggested adopting a pet. It can help me to relieve my depression. I loved the idea because animals tend to like me for some reason. So I went to a shelter and adopted a dog. She's so joyful and intelligent. Her name is Samantha. She's a mixed breed, medium size. I went nuts buying things for her. Toys, a leash, a collar with her name, a nice warm bed. She did help me to cheer up. My godchildren love her. My psychiatrist doubled my dose of antidepressants and prescribed a drug to ease compulsive thoughts. My parents, psychiatrist and therapist gave me the same advice. In short words, do what will make you happy. But I didn't know what would make me happy in the end. I needed something or someone that would smack me back to reality. It came from the last person I'd think about. I didn't attend to my last three kickboxing classes since Karen's Halloween party. My coach, Abraham, was pissed at me. He met me at the showers to scold me when he saw I was down and asked, Is everything all right? I said, Not really. I started telling him about my depression. He has a son currently dealing with the same and told me to meet him for some beers. So after class we went to a bar close to the gym and I told him all about Jane and birdbrain. He was absolutely disgusted and told me basically everything you all champions have. I spoke about my feelings and he shut me down and said, Speak up your mind. I was unsure what to say and he repeated, What is on your mind? I don't care about feelings. Tell me what you want. I opened my mouth like a fish out of the water but didn't answer. He seemed exasperated about me and added, He told me to come earlier to the gym the following day. He paid for the drinks, it told me. You are going to be born again. The next day I arrived one hour earlier. Abraham was expecting me. He gave me sparring gear and told me to meet him at the ring. I have never sparred before. I sometimes practiced using a sandbag but that was it. Abraham told me to punch him. I threw a punch and he almost laughed at me. He said, Is this all you have got? I felt I was blushing. There were some other students watching us and I am the oldest person there. I tried again and Abraham easily blocked me and pushed me back. I tripped and fell on my butt and he said, Your determination is weak. He helped me to stand up and repeated. Man up. I heard somebody chuckling and I felt mad. I took it more seriously and tried again and again. And again, but I wasn't able to hit Abraham once. I know he was going easy on me. I was tired and he told me to come the following day to repeat. He added, You are not giving it your all. Show yourself what you can do. That comment was glued to my mind all day. The following session, Abraham asked some boy to record the sparring using my phone. Once more, I didn't connect a single hit. Finally, we watched the video while he gave me his opinion. My movements were clumsy, slow and weak. I could protect myself from some of his blows. But my reactions looked like I was panicking. I felt embarrassed just watching myself. Abraham told me to man up and I must do whatever it takes to punch him at least once. I admitted to myself I wasn't putting enough effort into kickboxing. I started watching videos online. I decided to add an extra hour to my training. At night, I was watching the sparring video, studying my movements and thinking what I should do differently. I cleared my study to make space for shadow sparring. I was so obsessed about showing Abraham my determination that I absolutely forgotten about my problems and my date with Jane. By the fifth session, I was able to predict some of his movements, but still I was slow. I noticed the people watching were incrementing. Later, somebody told me there was a bet going. By the seventh day, the miracle happened. I saw his fist moving towards my chest and I knew what to do. It was just one second. My body reacted with precision and speed. I punched him on his ribs. I was ecstatic. But then I saw black. And the next thing I noticed is my face touching the floor and Abraham shouting, give him some room. I turned my body up. I saw that everyone was in the ring and Abraham kneeled next to me and told me not to move. Somebody came with a first aid kit. My nose was bleeding. I was dizzy and asked, what happened? Everybody started talking at the same time. They were excited and joyful. Abraham was apologetic and told me, You did it, man. Sorry, it was a reflex. The kid who usually records the video of us showed me the moment I punched him. Abraham reacted and punched me back in the face and I passed out for about five seconds. It took me one week to connect a single punch on him. I joined the kids and shouted, hell yeah. I was euphoric. Somebody helped me to stand up while I felt some palms on my back. I was smiling and Abraham asked, I'll repeat my question. What do you want? I yelled, I want to be stronger. I want to be the best version of myself. What about your wife? I made an angry face. She betrayed me. She doesn't deserve me. He smiled and raised my hand like if I had won the match. We all yelled, I know it was just a punch I finally connected. But Abraham knew I needed this victory more than any therapy, meds or advice. Because since then my confusion, sadness, doubts all disappeared. Welcome to the last stage of acceptance. The following days I put much more effort into my training and I took a series of decisions the old me wouldn't think of or ask for Jane's opinion before even considering. I want to change my look, my car. I'll do things I didn't do because of fear, learning to dance to play a musical instrument. And I'll have my first tattoo. Jane texted me the day before our date. I told her the place and time and she added, don't be late. I felt so much confidence in myself. We met at her favorite restaurant at lunchtime. She was breathtaking as always. I was kind of plain, jacket, t-shirt, jeans and hikers. I think she felt very confident about herself. I just smirked and started recording with my phone. We were amicable, my emotions in check. I didn't feel any anger nor rage like last time we met. It felt like when you speak to an old friend and everything is purely platonic, at least from my side. She asked about my sadness. I told her I feel so much better now which surprised her. She asked what triggered my insecurities and I told her about all princess drama. She acted mad at Karen. She mentioned, No, I will never be ready to see you with another woman. I told her I'm ending a messy relationship with my crazy wife. I referred to her as a third person in the past. She caught what I meant, a very smart idea from one of you champions. Then she told me, She sounds like a slut. You should get away from her. We laughed. How I missed these conversations with her. Before birdbrain, we could chat for hours. Then she told me one of my coworkers contacted her and asked her out. I laughed when she told me who it was. I've seen that weasel secretly staring at attractive women or girls on the job. I wouldn't be surprised if he has stared at Jane. She turned him down and he actually got mad. I asked about Flirty. Do you know what her problem is with me? She says she doesn't know, but her theory is that she dislikes my ethnicity and she can't stand I have enjoyed a higher education and salary than hers. I'm at least two levels above her. Also, Jane discovered Flirty is dating seriously with two guys simultaneously, whatever that means to her. We talked about birdbrain. He called Jane from another number to convince her to run away with him. She swore she didn't spoke. She just listened and cut the call eventually. He's gone to another state. I said some nasty things about him. She was amazed at what a liar he is and completely agreed with me on that he's a loser douchebag. She asked about the time he and I met, she read it in my post. I told her that seeing him so apologetic gave me confidence. Also, I was pissed, so it was easy for me to threaten him. She pleaded me to repeat the scene, and I did. I told her exactly as I recall what I said and how I said it. She had her eyes opened wide and she wet her lips. She told me she had goosebumps. She has never seen me so aggressive before. Also, she repeated she liked me more. Then she got all flirty with me and asked if I want to go stuffing the muffin. Our euphemism for being intimate, again closest translation. This was it, the moment I was waiting for. Jane was bringing her face closer to kiss me. I didn't have the time to think, but I felt it again, the anger and resentment. My body reacted and pulled my face away. I made an angry face and told her in a deep voice that stopped her immediately. No. She apologized profusely. I smiled again and told her that we should leave. It was late and I must walk, Sammy. Important side note, I paid for the meal. She didn't bring her car and asked me to take her to my home. I guess she was sure we were going to spend the night together. I was reluctant, but I wanted to push myself into the situation just to say no again. When we were in front of my apartment, we could hear Samantha whining and scratching the door. Before I entered, Jane got all serious and said, OP, will you ever forgive your wife? I already did. Then why won't you take her back? Because I will never forget what she did and I can't trust her. She made a sad face and then asked, What about me? Would you take me instead? I smiled and said, What are you talking about? We're friends. She looked offended. Are you friends owning me? I guess I am, dude. And punched her shoulder softly. I thought she would look even more offended, but instead her eyes sparkled and had big smile. I guess I am, dude. And punched her shoulder softly. I thought she would look even more offended, but instead her eyes sparkled and she grew a big smile. You finally touched me. Gotta admit, that came as a surprise to me. Since D-Day, I haven't voluntarily touched her. She took a step towards me. Can I hug you, please? Sure. She practically jumped on me. It felt so familiar. Her voluptuous body that strangely fits perfectly between my arms and chest. Her perfume and her long wavy hair tickling my nose. I hugged her back and she pleaded. Let's get back together. I told her, No, Jane. We are going to divorce. She broke the hug and stared at my face. I guess she thought I was joking. But I wasn't. She didn't take it well. She was sure we were going to reconcile and made a scene in front of my apartment. I tried to calm her down, but she was protesting and yelling. She hugged me tight, like if I was about to disappear. She was begging and telling me she has changed. She will make me happy and she would do anything for me. And the tears started flowing. I felt sad for her. I don't hate Jane. She was my best and only friend for so long. And we both have amazing memories together. But she made a big mistake and as a consequence, I fell out of love. I saw a nosy neighbor peeking from his apartment and I guided Jane inside my house. Sammy was curious about her. I didn't have any tea to offer, so I warmed some milk while Jane sobbed and petted Sammy. I sat in front of her. The milk helped her to calm. She asked me, Do you still love me? I told her, Just as the good friend you have been to me all these years, not as a partner, not anymore. She yelled, Why not? I've changed, Jane. I feel different now. I've finished mourning our marriage. She got mad and said I was being cruel. I said I was being realistic. What I said in marriage counseling was my honest truth. I can no longer trust her again, ever. And I will never forget her face when I caught her on D-Day. She shattered my trust and destroyed my love for her. She hit the table, called herself stupid and started cursing herself in bird brain. She admitted she didn't know what she had until she lost it. She took me for granted. Then she made some proposals, like granting her a period of reconciliation. Opening our marriage on my side only, or to being friends with benefits. I told her she's being unreasonable. She asked me what I want from her. I told her, I want her to be happy with whomever she chooses, and I will move on and be happy on my own. She asked if there is another woman in my life. I told her not yet, but someday. She covered her face with her hands, Sammy was sitting next to her and put her paw on her leg. I realized it was time to walk Sammy, around 10 p.m. Jane came with me. She was very quiet, walking by my side. When we were at the dog park, I took Sammy's leash off and she ran, sniffed and rolled over the dry grass. She loves that. Jane sat next to me and finally spoke. I'll never find love again. Yes, you will. There are a lot of fish in the pond. She told me at her new job two co-workers have asked her out. Both are married. I asked, have you reported them? She said it's not possible because they asked for a friendly night out, and that's very innocent from the HR point of view. I asked if she's sure about those guys' intentions. She said both have their eyes glued to her breasts. So, she's sure. She placed a picture of both of us on display, like Prick's repellent. I laughed. She didn't laugh. She said she seriously thinks she'll be alone from now on, luring scumbags. She can't have children and she lost the love of her life. She asked me if I'll marry again. I told her, I don't think so. I may not believe in marriage again. I didn't mention I do want to have children. I sent the audio to my lawyer and days later, he told me he didn't find anything showing reconciliation. Just useless chit chat that it'd be a waste of time if it's presented as evidence. Besides, it was a smart move to refer Jane as a third person because it sounds like I'm not talking directly to her. On my birthday, most of my extended family texted me and called to know how I was. I went to my parents' house. My brother and his wife were already there. Jane showed up with all my in-laws. We all played, ate and enjoyed a big tasty cake made by my mom, best cook ever. No drama. Mother-in-law was in a good day. She felt confused but she enjoys watching the twins play, even though she forgets they are her grandchildren. It really was a great day. When we cut the cake, I realized I had everything I wanted. My godchildren are still in my life. I forgave Jane. And my depression is fleeting. Several other things have happened since. On mid-December, I dated a single mother who tried to convince me to adopt her annoying child. That was a funny ride. If there is a place where I can post about disastrous dates, I'll tell you about it. One of my tenants wanted me to be her sugar daddy. I got my first tattoo on my shoulder. It's an Aztec Eagle Warrior, meaning I'm proud of my heritance and my ethnicity. If somebody has a problem with my appearance, I'll just shrug and continue being me. I'm a decent hard-working person. Aztec Eagle Warriors used to wear a helmet made of the head of a royal eagle. Royal Eagles are a symbol of freedom, honesty, and strength in my country. At the end of December, Jane quit her job. She had to because one of the co-workers that harassed her was a big shot at the company. HR was gaslighting her, so the smartest move was to quit. I spent Christmas with the twins and her family. She's accepting we're done, but she's annoyingly friendly to me. On January, I made a Tinder profile. One of the kickboxing guys helped me making my profile. Although I had few likes, I contacted a junior high teacher. She's witty and very funny. We started dating. Sadly, I know it's not going to last. She doesn't want children. She's a gamer and I consider video games a waste of time. Besides, she wants me to stop practicing kickboxing because it is too violent. As you know, my divorce was over on February 17th. Jane texted me, I know this is not the end for us. Days later, my sister-in-law told me Jane fell into the depression stage. She begged me to talk to her because she does listen to me. She stopped working and became very skinny. She used to sleep most of the day and refused to attend therapy until I talked to her. She wants me to contact her more frequently. But I told her this is precisely what is causing her depression. She has to let me go. That's it. I feel now I'm on the right path. I'm studying a lot to get the promotion, which will allow me to travel. I'm still doing great at the gym. I haven't sparred with Abraham again, but guys there ask me to help them. Finally, I got what I wanted to be amicable with my ex and I didn't lose my in-laws that I still consider as my family. My godchildren love me and I love them as my own children. I couldn't stand the thought of losing them. Because of them, I went through the rabbit hole. I went through the stages of mourning and I got over Jane. In my country, the godparents are responsible for the kids if anything happens to mom and dad. Godparents are the second parents to all who are mourning a marriage. Don't let the bitterness gets the best of you. There is light at the end of the dark tunnel. It takes time and dedication from you. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but someday you'll get over all of this. I wish you the best. As a real rock star used to say, Bantar out. OP, please share this with everyone who is in your situation. You came out of this as a true warrior and winner. This would make a great inspirational movie for people who are struggling with the aftermath of infidelity. In time, Jane will fade away into oblivion. Whatever happens to her from now on is no longer your concern. I will say though, and I'm not being morbid, but don't be surprised if you get a phone call one day saying Jane deleted herself. If that ever happens, do not think it was in any way your fault. She made her bed and she can lay in it. The nerve of that woman to think you would ever take her back after everything that transpired. Disgusting. Continue your training, and your body will transform before your eyes. Your confidence is already being rebuilt and now your new journey begins. And hey, if you never find anyone to love again, it's okay. Just love yourself and the rest will follow. Good luck Bantar and God bless you with happiness and prosperity. Wow, I love this story. It was great. Let's shine some light on the true MVPs of this story. Three men we can't forget. The security guard Mr. P. His wise dad, and his righteous coach. I was worried OP was letting his own values down and get back together with his ex at some point. I wouldn't judge him negatively if he would've, as his heart would be broken in so many pieces I can't imagine. Just picture it's you, and you're going through that specific moment, and walk in on the act, like he did. That's horrible. It's a great ending to a heartbreaking story, in which OP grew into a better version of himself. You, stayed till the end. So I'm curious, to what you think of how OP handled his situation, what would you have done differently? Before you go, text the like button from an unknown number saying, enjoy the next 24 hours. See you in the next one.