 I don't even know if I'm going to include that part, but I think I will just be honest, like, you know, we can, I mean, we're real on this channel. Dunkin' Donuts, not a sponsored video. Hi guys, welcome back to my channel. Today's video is going to be another adoption video, and I have my mom here. Hi everyone! Thank you for having me back. So I'm going to be honest with you, there's not a lot of adoption videos I can really think of to film. So if you haven't already, go ahead and comment in the comments and let me know what other types of adoption videos you want to see. I know that this one girl on YouTube, like, she has so many videos on adoption, but I don't know how she talks about adoption that much because, like, I don't really have a lot more to say. You're adopted. Yeah, like, I am sorry, but if you have any other questions, comments, concerns or stuff you want me to talk about, leave it in the comments because I need some ideas. I also wanted to thank you guys for just watching my videos that are unrelated to adoption because it means the world to me. I love just filming my life, filming my thoughts, filming the material items in my life. So for those of you who watch, like, all my videos, thank you so much. It means a lot to me. Today my mom and I are going to talk about adoption, obviously, but first we're going to kind of dive into the mindset. If you are having trouble with being adopted, this is one way you can look at it. There's many perspectives you can look at things that could be anything in life. You could look at the glass half empty or you could look at the glass half full. Honestly, I typically look at the glass half full most of the times because there's no point to be negative about something when in certain circumstances you can't change what happens. So you might as well just live life positive because life's too short to be sad and unhappy. Absolutely. Do you think that's partially because adoption can have, for some people, a negative connotation? Yeah, it's like, oh, your parents abandoned you. Well, yeah, if you look at it like that, but if you look at it in a different way, then it doesn't have to be that sad. Or maybe from the parents viewpoint, maybe people look at, I don't know, people have all different kinds of ideas about adoption. They may think, well, adoption was like the last choice. You know, if you can't bear children on your own, having them come from your body. Which is still typically is that. Right. You think people still think about that in that way that, you know, well, we tried and tried and tried and we couldn't get pregnant. So we had to resort to adopting. Which sometimes that's the case and that's really sad, unfortunately. So do you think sometimes people think that is less? Yeah, I honestly do. And I know that's a negative way to look at it, but I mean, I don't look at it like that. I mean, I think that's true. So I'm agreeing that I think that perspective is true. And there are people who have adoption as the first, their first choice. Yeah, because they don't want to carry a child in their body. Like one of Sherry's friend's daughter, she doesn't want to carry a child in her body. Right. I know people who want to make adoption their very first choice. Yeah. But some people don't. And I think sometimes people look at that too is how will other people around them react? You know, different families can react different ways. So if you are in this negative headspace and you really are having trouble, if you want to think of this, then feel free to think of this. Sometimes I think of this and I haven't had about experience with adoption clearly, but it is something that you can think about. And this was told from one of my parents friends. I don't know who told you this, but you always have a second chance at a parent-child relationship, just like I have a parent relationship with Sherry. I have a parent relationship with Valerie. But when I bear my kids or adopt a kid, that's a second chance that you have to have a bond as a parent-child. So you don't necessarily only have one chance. You have another chance. Yeah. So I think that quote was, you always have a second chance at the parent-child relationship. And you can be on the other end of that. So if you didn't have a great relationship with your mother, you have an opportunity to have a second chance at that mother-daughter relationship with you being the mother. Yeah. So that was kind of the situation I think. Another thing I wanted to address, and then we're gonna kind of move into different experiences when you tell family members that you're adopting or you're adopted. Maybe I should talk about that too. Because it is kind of weird to other people, but there was this video that I saw and the word transracial adoptee was used. And I was like, I didn't even know these words existed. You know what I mean? Like, again, adoption hasn't been that big of a thing in our family. At least I don't make it out to be, so I don't know those. And when the girl said, when I heard that word, I was like, what? What does that even mean? So I had to look it up. And there's been other words that have been used that I'm just like, what in the world? So it was like transracial. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I never thought of it as being a transracial adoption. I know that. To me, it didn't matter. I mean, I am from China, but I mean, like, I guess that goes back to, as I've stated in other videos, I don't really see myself as Chinese because I don't know a lot of the heritage, which isn't your fault, what kind it is. But I don't know. I just don't associate really with being Chinese. The reason why when people ask, oftentimes, ask where you're from, this happened just the other day. Somebody said, where are you from? Yeah. And then I had to just be like, I don't even know. And you said, well, from Ohio or... I mean, I was born in China. I moved here from Ohio. I'm in China before that. So that's part of that whole thing, I think, of like, we don't think of you. I know I went to China. I was in China. But it never occurred to me that I was doing, I never even thought of that as any, like, transracial adoption or anything. But I did understand that would make you a smidgen different than, you know, other kids in our neighborhood or whatever. Okay. So moving on to telling family members that you're adopting experience, stories. Do you have any? Well, we have some friends who adopted and they had totally different reactions from each side of the family. So one set of grandparents, they were totally excited. They couldn't wait to meet their new grandchild. It didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl or Caucasian or Chinese, it didn't matter. They were delighted. They continued to be delighted throughout the years with their new granddaughter. And then the other side of the family was like, well, why are you adopting? You never know what you're going to get when you adopt. And of course, my first thought was, well, if they said that to you, you know, you really don't know what you're going to get when you get pregnant either. You know, you can have a child issues. You have a child who developed issues later on. If you want a girl, you can get a boy, you want a boy, you can get a girl. And see, that's why going back to the micastoffer thing, they didn't know what they were going to get. But you also don't know what you're going to get when you birth a child. Like that child could also have needs that you weren't planning on. So I don't know why people say that sort of stuff. That's true. So people don't know how their families will react maybe. Maybe they're unsure how people would feel about bringing a child into a larger family unit. Maybe not an immediate family, but a larger family unit of cousins and aunts and uncles on exactly how they would react to that. Okay, so I'm going to talk about now my experience like being, I don't know, telling people that that's my cousin, but they're white. It's really weird because like, I typically don't see it, but then when other people bring it to my attention, I'm just like, oh, okay, whatever. I don't know. It's kind of awkward, but I'm just like, I don't know. It is what it is. Like, again, going back to what I said in the beginning, there's nothing you can do about it. Do you think that made it awkward being in Francie's wedding? I don't know. Because she had two cousins, well, four cousins on her mom's side of the family. Right, right. She had two cousins in the wedding and those two cousins didn't look anything alike or did one of them look anything like the bride? I don't know. I just think it's easier to, because I relate to, I don't know, like white girls. Okay. So I kind of just, I didn't really see it being a huge thing, but also too, I know that my cousin's boyfriend's sister was like, oh, I saw your friend on TikTok or something. And then my cousin goes, oh, that's my cousin. Not really my friend. So I was like, oh, that's funny, but I don't even think of that as like- But she thought you were a friend. Yeah, but like, I kind of just like, I was like, why? That sounds weird. But then I'm like, oh yeah, I'm Chinese. So I guess you couldn't put that together because it does trick people. I think it's weird, but then I'm like, oh, it's not weird because I do look clearly different. Well, I think especially kind of that wedding, like a lot of the people look the same. Yeah, that's true. I think, you know, a lot of the people, a lot of the girls were tall blondes. Yeah. And I think that set you apart, but being set apart can be a positive. It doesn't have to be a negative. Yeah. And I mean, I do have blonde in my hair. So I think like if I have like black straight hair, like the hair that Sherry likes. Yeah, I like her hair black. I don't like that because I don't know, I think it makes, this sounds terrible. I don't know if I'm going to include this, but it makes me too Chinese. And I don't want to like, I personally don't want to be seen as that like so because I don't want the questions, do you speak Chinese or like all those questions that I can't answer. And then it just makes me look dumb. So like if I, So you don't want to be pigeonholed. Yeah. So that's part of the reason why I like my hair being different. And I like, you know, I don't know. My face gives it away, obviously. But I mean, I don't want to, I don't even know if I'm going to include that part, but I think I will just be honest. Like, you know, we can, I mean, we're real on this channel. If I had black hair and I, if I did or if that makeup artist did like my eyeliner, like eyeliner on me, like that like comes out to here or whatever. Like I don't think I would be, I think I would have a more negative feeling about that situation. Honestly. About looking different. Yeah. I just had deja vu. That's weird. I feel like we've had this conversation before. So yeah, I think I would have more of a negative feeling. Okay. In that sense. If she did that eyeliner, like I would not be okay with that. Yeah. I think some people have a preconceived notion of like makeup on someone who is Asian should look like. And it should have like eyeliner, like out here. Yeah, no. You know, that makes you look like a Japanese geisha or something, you know. And I think you would, that's, you would not want to be pigeonholed or stereotyped maybe. I think that's the right word. Yeah. Sorry about the lighting change, by the way. I use natural light. You work on the clouds. Yeah, I know. You didn't want to be stereotyped. Yeah. I think that's the biggest thing. Okay. That was a stereotypical Chinese way to do makeup, I guess, or how people might perceive you ought to do makeup. So I think that's what I was trying to say. Okay. In a nicer and an uneducated way. I didn't feel that different. Yeah. At the wedding, to be honest. And it wasn't really that, I mean, I don't think anybody saw that as any kind of big deal at all. Yeah, I know. And everybody knew you were the cousin. Yeah, that's true. Including all the bridesmaid stuff. So everybody, you know. But going back to telling someone that's my cousin, I'm not going to lie it is awkward. Because then I have to go into the spiel. And you guys know the spiel already. I'm used to it. It's just something you have to deal with. Yeah. It's like I was adopted when I was one. I have two moms. They're gay. But I'm not. I feel like I should write a song about it because... There's another career. Oh my gosh. But overall, being the different, a different one in a family that is all one other race, I think it could affect someone because one of my shaman sisters feels a little like awkward about that. And I could, I can relate to it. But luckily, like my family's cool and stuff. And I think also to what really helps is you and Valerie being gay. Even though you guys are one race, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only different one. That's true. Yeah, that's true. So I think, again, going back to them being gay, it has a positive impact on my experience. Because again, I don't know if I could say the same thing or feel the same way if I had straight white parents. That's fair. Do you think that's fair? I don't know. That's a fair analysis. Yeah. Okay. Cherry, final thoughts. This is kind of like a rambly talking video. The main takeaway of this video is like mindset and experience in your family being different and stuff like that. And different experiences on telling people that you're adopted to family members and stuff. So again, what I have always said in all of the other adoption videos is just be honest. And that's honesty from the parents. I think that's what I talked about in the past has been honesty from the parents about you're adopted. Here's why. You were abandoned in China. This is what happened. This is the government. And being honest about all of that. Even with domestic adoption, you could tell your child, hey, so your birth parents, the birth mother was addicted to heroin. I don't know. If that's true, tell your kid that. You know what I'm saying? Honesty, you should just be honest with them, right? Yes. You always use my example because that's the only but there's other circumstances. What if a woman got pregnant and she had a child and she was being abused at home and she couldn't and she didn't want to put the child through trauma and abuse. Or someone was really young. Yeah. Someone was really young. They didn't want to get an abortion. But the other thing about being honest though, I think you want to open up that communication as a parent being honest with your child so your child will also be honest with you. That's true. So if an adopted child was having issues, they would be able to communicate that to you and say, hey, when we go to that family picnic, cousin Johnny is always picking on me and pulling my pigtails and calling me names and it makes me feel really uncomfortable to do that. That didn't happen to me by the way. No, that did not. I don't think that ever happened. No, thank God. No. You just said one cousin will always come up and go, ah. But that was just because that's how he was. Yeah, that's true. He did that to everybody. So it didn't matter. But if it's making, if there is something going on, you just want to make sure that communication is open so that your child also feels comfortable talking to you about how they feel about adoption. So really, we have not really had those kinds of conversations because I guess hopefully you felt that you could, and you have, you ask me questions about adoption when people would throw things up to you. That was covered in another video. In a video. But when those things would come up, you felt comfortable asking me about them. So I think that is also incumbent on the parent to keep that line of communication open, making the child feel comfortable talking about adoption so that if they are having any issues, they'll come to the parents and talk about it. And if you aren't comfortable talking to your parent, just find a trusted adult that really has your best interest at heart. So I think that is going to be it for this video. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Make sure to give it a thumbs up. Don't forget to subscribe to my channel. Question of the day. What should it be, Sherry? Do you have any friends who are adopted or any relatives who are adopted and how do you feel about that? How's your relationship with them? And I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye.