 I'm on a journey to discover the truth Living life and recovery is lovely You got the power in you Surround yourself with positive energy Judges hitting people with provocative penalties Need to make a change Advocate to change the laws Through the people that it's not insane When you stand behind the cause I'm here to speak about the pain Recovered loud to normalize the disease That's been killing all my friends And my family, the time is now To let it all go and recover loud The benefit is healthy people, family and friends That never have to overdose ever again Never have to plead out to a lesser defense I'm proud to say that I recover loud I never thought I could but I'm so proud that I discovered how To live my life again, controlling my own destiny I needed recovery, I still needed desperately Addiction never defined my identity I recover loud here to tell my own story I recover proud, save a life of like 40 I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud here to tell my own story I recover proud, save a life of like 40 I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover, I recover loud I'll recover, I'll recover loud, I'll recover, I'll recover loud, I'll recover, I'll recover loud. Another episode of Recover Loud. I'm your host, Mike Paddleford. Tonight I get to sit with a good friend of mine, Justin Roy. Justin, I've known you for almost four years to the day. When I first entered recovery, you were one of the first people I met. And as we sit here today, you know, we've gone different directions, but we're still both searching for recovery and doing the best we can with what we've got today. Can you tell us a little bit about when I first met you, what was going on? Yeah, like Mike said, I'm Justin. We're covering apocalyptic. We actually met in treatment. I've been in a cycle of residential treatment experiences for the past couple of decades. And I think it was my first time at Milestone in Old Orchard Beach, a residential therapeutic community. I was a part of that community and Mike showed up, you know, and we ended up. Yeah, it's kind of a brotherhood when you're in treatment together, so we became friends naturally. And I left ahead of you, but you stay sober and I wasn't able to. Yeah, and then it was a couple of years after, you know, I also was kicked out of that program. But it was a couple of years later, I ran into you in Lewiston and, you know, we started talking again. But, you know, just to go back, so you mentioned that you've been, you know, going to treatment for decades now. When did you first start using drugs? Oh, I don't know, it's pretty, I think, pretty ordinary textbook experience for, it was like opening Pandora's box, kind of, if I could reference. It was in high school. I mean, I didn't transition well into high school as far as socially. I had trouble with being accepted and ultimately that's why I took my first drink. I was at a kid party and I think summer, right before my junior year, I think, and, you know, and smoking some weed that night, just like the regular social progression of high school kids and little did I know it changed the whole trajectory of my life. I had the awareness that I could alter my state of consciousness and how I felt with an external substance. It was a game changer because in the beginning drugs were never a problem, they were a solution to the problem, which was how I felt about myself. Yeah, so in high school you did what, you know, a lot of your friends were doing, you were drinking, you smoked a little bit of weed. When did it become more serious? At the time when I initially got exposed to alcohol and weed, I was drama club president. I was like in several honors writing classes, really, and kind of involved. I got bullied a lot because I was an artsy kid. I like theater and I was in show choir. These things aren't necessarily popular in high school. And I took off like a rocket. It was like within a matter of weeks, was transitioning into like hallucinogens and experimenting. And the obsession and like fascination with chemicals has been like long lasting. I took off like a rocket. Within my first year and a half, I end up trying like cocaine and opiates and actually end up in overdosed and for the first time going into treatment, residential treatment day one at 20 years old, 19, 20 years old right away. So that was over 20 years ago? Yeah, almost 25 years ago. Yeah, yeah. So basically you entered recovery at an early age. Here we are. Seed was planted, so to speak. Well, my opinion, recovery is the entire process of change. You know, from pre-contemplation all the way through to lapse or relapse and the cycle just keeps going. You know, when we stop using substances, we're still looking for change. We're still changing and that cycle just keeps going and sometimes it involves a recurrence of use. But you went into treatment. That was your first time? Yes. How many times would you guess that you've been in a treatment center over the years? It's hard to say. For the next 20 years I would enter a pattern of like active addiction. It becoming unmanageable either within overdose or getting arrested. It's a progressive illness and I'm, you know, survived innumerable overdoses. It's kind of miraculous that I'm still around when so many of my friends have passed away. There's addiction and overdoses and with the opioid epidemic. It's fairly common. So I've been beaten into a state of reasonableness, so to speak. I can't live with the drugs anymore. They don't actually work the way they used to. I can't stand my life sober either, which is why you need recovery and connection and new associations. You're right. It's a holistic thing. It's more of a lifestyle change. I don't ask just as much to do with your behavior and how I treat people. And what I do when nobody's looking is it does not using drugs. These days with the advent of MAT and harm reduction, it's a much different model than old school total abstinence. 12 steps, which is like my roots. So it's been an adjustment for me because I've been on somoxone for 10 years now. It's part of a treatment plan, but like the medication only works as well as the recovery backing it up. Yeah. So while you're using the MAT, are you able to stay away from the substances? For the most part. For the most part, but like over the summer disconnected, you know, with COVID. And I'm kind of displaced. I don't have any friends or family around up here. I had a really hard time because while somoxone helped a lot with cravings for fentanyl and other opiates, I still had a problem with amphetamines that I developed. And that ravaged my life more quickly. The erosion process was much more immediate with crystal meth. I've kind of been spiraling. My last time in treatment was about almost two years ago. Now I have my own stones for the second time. And I actually have been trying to do things my way. And I honestly haven't been able to get my footing or like maintain employment or manage anything. So even on MAT because I don't have the recovery action backing up my medication. So it's actually kind of been effective in my case in all honesty. Yeah, so you've spent a lot of time, you know, in treatment, searching for treatment, trying to get better. Yeah, half my adult life. And what do you think holds you back? I mean in life in general, the only serious defect that has helped me back or caused me to not follow through with things and to not achieve goals. Like the whole idea of what I had for a life for me and the potential I showed when I was younger. I never would have imagined that I identify as an addict. And I don't find that particular label offensive. I've put a lot of years of my life on the line investing into having, you know, that identity. It wasn't intended, but I don't, what holds me back? I don't know. For me, I would say like complacency and like a lack of discipline over an extended period of time because the whole key to recovery is service, staying out of self, you know, which means service work, helping others, being involved like this shit that you're doing here. It's like, this is part of a recovery plan and a recovery now. That's why you're doing so well is because you have a lot going on. Like I'm not, it's an immersion, like recovery requires immersion. Like all areas of your life has to be saturated with it, otherwise it won't work. Anything I put, I lose sense in what my priorities are. Anything I put before my recovery, I will lose. That's ultimately a promise universally for everyone in recovery that I've ever met. You know, because without it, there's no eligibility and I'm not honest and I don't have integrity and I don't have, I'm not a big company. I don't have trust that relationships are poor or toxic or even are harmful. So that's like my norm, the chaos of it. So I don't stay doing well very long and it's subconscious. So you're actually, you're not from Irosta County originally? No, I've been here about a year. Okay. And so how did you get here? You. I was spiraling at the end of my second year, almost after leaving Milestone. I really bad at meth relapse, I left Milestone. Disgraced. It was like, like a dishonorable discharge. It was a military, but what was the question? What brought you to Irosta County? Yeah. I was homeless and living out of the woods in Milestone, Maine out of a tent and like was working for Blue Sky, an IT council at the time. And we crossed paths again at the Jeremy Hills, had a rest center down there in Milestone and there's like recovery atmosphere where we get reunited. And him and his wife at the time were coming up here to do the recover allowed assembly. And he invited me up to relocate. And I went to the Silverhouse and I didn't have nothing to lose. And I ended up in the Silverhouse and got introduced to Care Brew and being part of the county. Yeah. And it's been an interesting year. What's happened? Yeah. So I met you the first week I went into treatment back in 2018. It was November 10th. Yeah, I'll remember that day because it was important for me. Last year, it was November 6th that I held my recover allowed or rustic event, which celebrated my three years in recovery. By the time the show airs on Thursday, that'll be my fourth year since I started recovery. And, you know, so last year at this time I brought you up to the event, you went into the Silverhouse. How has the county been for you? It's been kind of a mixed bag, honestly. I try to stay grateful and reasonably positive, if I can. But I mean, it's had its ups and downs. You know, I had a good time starting off in the Silverhouse. I had a job at Kerry Medical Center as a nutritional tech that I got hooked up with by having supports in the community and just like lined up for success. Things were getting too good for me as making a great paycheck. I don't know if it's a thing about not feeling like I'm worthy of joy or things going well or what. If I dissected it, I haven't looked at it that hard, I sabotaged it before long with struggling with relapsing with the crystal methamphetamine. One thing that I noticed the difference between the county and Lewiston, which helped me, was a recovery community. You know, people coming together that aren't using drugs that, you know, are there to support each other. And, you know, we're really trying to build that here in the county. Did you find a recovery community here that you were able to get involved in and feel supported by? Yeah, particularly when I was at the Care of Women's Recovery House because people there, we all have the same motives in theory about changing our lives. And then you do have like the Recovery Center, which is next door to AMC. So it's like, it's kind of like enclosters where there are recovery groups on network. It's harder because the county is so big and rural. So today we're recording. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. And just to touch on one of the scary things going on this Halloween is after tonight the funding for your hotel room is done. Yeah. And that's for all of the people in the hotels. Hundreds of people. Yeah, they're relying on the hotels for shelter. Yeah. So as of tomorrow, they're going to be on the streets with no place to go. Unless they have made other plans, yeah. Yeah. Yes. And you in particular, you've made other plans. So right now are you sober? Yeah. How long have you been sober? I like, I'm coming right up on like the 30 day mark coming back. Formally, like off of illicit drugs. It's challenging because I'm on MAT. And I have a hard time actually with like sobriety. I'm doing suboxone dependent, but that's more of my own shit. Yeah. But as far as being in recovery and being serious about wanting to change my life, it's been a little longer than usual this time and I'm taking it a little more seriously because circumstances like scientists, I didn't have much time to figure out a plan for me to stay safe and to move forward because the streets are traumatizing. And the cold up here. And the cold is something to be fearful of. Yeah. I mean the cold can kill you. Yeah. So. Going outside is scary. Yeah. Especially if you don't have support or people to lean on. So for you, tonight being your last night at the hotel, what is your plan starting tomorrow? The plan that my higher power has laid out because I basically just turned it over. I have a spiritual connection and I do have a higher power to rely on. And I have been doing a lot of the footwork here to create a plan. I have a lot of resources to look into and as it pans out, I'm going to be going into a sober living. You're going to another sober house? Sober living, yeah. I haven't been in a sober house other than the caribou house in the last two years at all. I haven't wanted to. I've had bad experiences. But I'm pretty confident. I'm in a pretty stable place. And my intentions are really good. And it seems like I end up in Lewiston for one thing. There's very few beds anywhere. Yeah. And they had availability. I got to interview and got accepted. So I've got some wreckage to wade through like legally. Shit that I'm going to deal with. It's not just going to go away, whether I'm in recovery or not. Let's part of it. But for the most part, I'm really grateful. Tomorrow morning, I haven't seen my family in almost like a year. And I'll be back down and going down to Lewiston. I have family support and a recovery network that's familiar. I have pretty high hopes. I feel pretty blessed that there was a pathway that was created. Yeah. Ultimately, and for a while, I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. Yeah, it's a scary situation. But it's the idea, another pick myself up, dust myself off, give it an honest go. And I just turned 42. I'm not getting any younger. Yeah. I'm starting to break down. I can't psychologically handle another decade except this abuse film. Yeah. It's time to change. I was 42 when I met you at Milestone, 46 now. And my life is quite a bit different than it was the day I met you. And I'm grateful for the path I've been on. And through this journey, I've met people like you who have helped me along the way. And being able to help you this last year and a half, two years, since we've reconnected, has been very helpful for me to get me to where I am. And as we like to say, you know, connection is the opposite of addiction. Yeah. You know, and I'm glad that I'm able to be that connection, or a connection for you. And glad that you're a connection for me. So I wish you a lot of luck tomorrow. You know, I love you and I'm going to be praying for you. And you know, I'm just a phone call away. Yeah, things will be okay. You know, like you're just a grateful addict. There's a silver addict. Anything that you could say to somebody who might be struggling out there today, maybe somebody that doesn't know where they're going tomorrow or how they're going to get there. Um, I mean, for me, it's like, I say, keep the faith. Like I can't tell anybody else what to do. But for me, it is really helpful to have some kind of relationship with a higher power. You know, I like, I hesitate to use the word God, but you know what I mean? And I, an ability to like kind of just let go, you know, and like turn it over and have some trust in like the universe, so to speak. I know that sounds kind of focused, but it's true. Like things are always going to go the way they're intended to go. And a lot of times I just need to stay out of the way and like not be in the driver's seat. And things typically, for me, first thought wrong, like I'm going to mess things up. I'm fallible. And also I would say nothing changes if nothing changes. Like what you said, recovery, change everything, what your name. And if you're able to do that, then I don't know, maybe a successful life in recovery is consistently different and better and progressive in a good way is possible. I like to think so. Yeah. I feel like I keep trying and trying and trying. Yeah. I don't know why, but that's just how it is. But Justin, again, thank you. I'm looking forward to hearing about your trip down and what it's like when you get there. Yeah. I see how you send people for you. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, we look forward to updates in the future. You too. You too. Thanks. Recover loud, everyone. Tonight I get to say goodbye to my friend Justin Roy. It's not really goodbye. See you later, because I have hopes for him. He's going to start his new life tomorrow at a new sober house. He hopes you're high right now, because he's going to recover louder. We support Recovery Erosik and definitely are proud to recover loud. God bless. Anderson's Auto Repair, locally owned and operated in Sweden, Maine, specializes in all make all model vehicle diagnosis and repair. Each individual service is backed by our nationwide tech net, two-year 24,000 mile warranty. Call or stop into schedule and appointment today. Anderson's Auto, for wherever the road takes you. Hi. I'm Mike Paddleford and I recover loud. On August 8th, Maine's expanded version of the Good Samaritan law goes into effect. This law is intended to make it more likely for someone to dial 911 in the case of a drug-related overdose. This law removes the penalties and the threat of prosecution for all drug-related offenses and most non-violent crimes, as well as probation violation and parole revocation. It is now safe for us to dial 911 in the case of an overdose. We don't have to take care of our friends alone. Please help save a life by dialing 911. If you or someone you know would like to carry naloxone, you can reach out to me at recoveryotr18 at gmail.com. Recover loud, everybody. We're provocative penalties. Need to make a change, advocate to change the laws. To people that it's not insane. When you stand behind a cause, I'm here to speak about the pain. Recover loud to normalize the disease that's been killing all my friends and my family. The time is now to let it all go and recover loud. The benefit is healthy people, family and friends that never have to overdose. Ever again, never have to plead out to a lesser defense. I'm proud to say that I recover loud. I never thought I could, but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again. Controlling my own destiny. I needed recovery. I still needed desperately. Addiction never defined my identity. I recover loud here to tell my own story. I recover proud, save a life of like 40. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud here to tell my own story. I recover proud, save a life of like 40. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover loud, yeah. I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud. I recover, I recover loud.