 Jonathan, why did you date when you were not ready? Okay. Great question Where did that go, okay So the reason why I'm bringing this up is someone I shared in my previous video That right after my divorce, I was a train wreck. I was I had lost my quarter million dollar your job I had I was going through a contentious divorce. I was Very depressed. I was drinking. I was doing cocaine I was I was dating as a way to self-medicate the pain that was going on in my life and someone said Jonathan Why would you date when you're not ready? Why would you go out there and date if you weren't capable of being in a relationship? And so I'm not the only person that has experienced what I just shared and most Most men and women actually date when they're not ready when they're not capable of being in relationship Let me repeat that many people in fact, I believe most people date when they're not ready They might have chaos going on in their life. They might have depression going on life They might have a contentious divorce going on. They might have issues at work They might have physical issues going on that makes it difficult for them to build the roots the roots of trust To be in relationship By the way before I forget this if you want to learn how to vet if someone is capable of being in a relationship Schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you My area of expertise is learning you how to Prequalify your prospect so if you're single and looking for love and you want to learn how to pre-qualify men then check out the link below Because what I'm about to share with you is something I learned the hard way And I'm hoping you don't have to learn it the hard way but going back to why was I dating when I wasn't ready? Quite frankly, it's because I wanted connection. I wanted companionship. I wanted physical Intimacy with someone it is very common for human beings to go out in the dating realm because they want connection They want companionship and they want physical intimacy, but that doesn't mean that they're capable of being in relationship I'm gonna repeat that it doesn't mean that they're capable of being in relationship I've met plenty of women who are dead are actively dating and I have clients and mice as well Who are actually not capable of being in relationship because it's a human nature to want connection Companionship and sex, but that doesn't mean that they're capable of going the distance This is why it's so hugely important to learn how to vet for emotional maturity when I do coaching when I work with a client I help them learn how to create their own emotional aptitude test to be able to determine if a guy is really capable of Leaning in because we all know if you follow my work Leaning back in your feminine energy isn't going to get a guy to Because that whole leaning back narrative look You know you can lean back all day long and be in your feminine You can be friendly and flirty and cooperative But if he's not in a good place to be in relationship just like I wasn't in a good place to be in relationship It's highly unlikely that anything is going to materialize in the long run So going back to why did I do it? That's the why was it fair to women? Well quite frankly back when I was dating I barely caught past the first six weeks and and I would end it I mean that was literally as long as it went for me back then I'd go about six weeks Okay, and that's not I mean quite frankly Everybody should be prepared to date for six to twelve weeks because dating is looking It's a vetting process for both men and women alike What I would like you ladies to do is do a better job of vetting before you actually go out with a man Do a better job of vetting before the penis goes inside the vagina and folks if you're not familiar with the book Eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman I highly recommend reading this book so you can learn the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship I did not know the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship at that stage in my life This is why I was bouncing against walls all the time. It didn't mean I was a bad human being By the way, whenever I read these women say well, why were you dating when you're ready or why do men date when they're not ready? Well, my question is why do women date when they're not ready? It's human nature to want connection It doesn't mean they're bad people. It's just we humans want connection with one another and Now we have a portal called the internet, you know the swipe apps that allows us to connect with people So anyway, I just wanted to share that with you all and and I want to just follow up with that with another thing because some of You asked me about my significant relationship after my divorce and I I touted her in a very positive light We had a six year on and off relationship that didn't go the distance you we had a very conscious Uncoupling and people asked why didn't it work out? Folks, let me just be very candid with you. If you're not I was stuck in two phases in my life I was stuck in my anxious attachment style anxious attachment style and I was reliving the amago I was reliving the amago and let me just talk about this for a moment If you're not familiar with love attachment style, I highly recommend reading the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Read this book to understand attachment style I was stuck in my anxious attachment style, which meant I get very needy in relationship So I showed up very needy in that relationship I was suckling on the nipple of I needed her to love me so I could feel good about myself And I was constantly needing validation and constantly needing validation now Why did I do this? Because I was trapped in what's known as the amago and if you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt They wrote a book called getting the love you want this explains why we choose people like our parents I'm repeat that we oftentimes are trying to heal a wound with our parents So we choose someone that is reminiscent or familiar to an action of our parents I know many of you might have daddy issues or mommy issues And you're oftentimes choosing a partner very similar to one of your parents Because we're actually trying to heal through another human being when we actually need to go to our parents and heal that stuff This is why I highly recommend reading the book the are doing the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into the healing childhood wounds and traumas childhood wounds and traumas That causes to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our relationship life and quite frankly in my particular case my previous relationship Was kind enough for after we ended our relationship she gifted as my birthday gift this Hoffman process And let me tell you something after all was said and done It's a four or five thousand dollar Investment and that was her kind gift to me after we ended our relationship And once I went to the Hoffman process I began the healing of my pattern of my anxious attachment style and my need to try to heal my Relationship with one or both of my parents so many case So I'm sharing with you why it didn't work out that quite frankly she was a beautiful loving person We both needed to heal each other I was big Instrumental in her life and helping her heal and she's now in a wonderful relationship with a great guy named David He and I are now friends we play golf together, and I only share this with you see help you understand is That sometimes we meet great people, but it doesn't mean we're meant to go the distance those great people We meet are meant to be our lessons in our lives And when we can look at our past relationships on what we Positively learned about ourselves and what we're good and what was good and what we're most grateful for We have a greater chance of experiencing a healthier happier relationship in the future And that's where I think I'm at today And coincidentally after going through that experience. I was able to write my book. What the heck is self love anyway Does anyone own this book? Please let me know. All right. I think it's great time to take questions now