 THE JACK BENNIE PROGRAM Petr sleil chatter I'm air enacting LS MFT Lucky strike means fine tobacco Sorround so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw LS MFT Yes, sir First thing that's right lucky strike means fine tobacco So round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts, so take a tip from a real tobacco expert, Mr. Charles L. Belvin, independent tobacco buyer of Durham, North Carolina, who said, I've spent 13 years buying tobacco. The advantage I have over most smokers when it comes to selecting a cigarette is that I know tobacco so well. And at auction after auction, I have seen Lucky Strike by quality tobacco. That's why I've smoked Lucky's myself for 12 years. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so for your own real deep-down smoking enjoyment, smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. Larry Stevens and yours truly, Don Rolster. He rehearses his radio program on Saturday afternoons. So let's go back to yesterday and pick up Jack and Mary on their way to the studio. Rochester is driving. Gee, Mary, it's a lovely day, isn't it? It sure is. Yes, sir. Give me California any time. So nice and bomby. Yeah. The air smells so good. You know, it's wonderful driving in weather like this. Uh-huh. Jack, let's put the top down. I wouldn't dare. I tried that one. Rochester. Yes, boss. Why are you driving so slowly? I'm behind a big beer truck. Beer truck? Why don't you pass them? There's a loose case on the back, and the driver looks like the careless type. Well, go on and pass them. There aren't very many big bumps on this street, anyway. By the way, Rochester, did you take my dirty clothes to the laundry this morning? I sure did. And did you tell them about the lipstick on the collars of my white shirts? Yes, sir. Lipstick on your shirt? Mr. Bailey puts it there himself to impress the girls at the laundry. I do not. I got that at the palladium. While I'm thinking about it, I hope you told the laundry about my two pairs of shorts they lost. Uh-huh. They're going to get those back to you. They put them in Barbara Stanwyck's bundle. They sent my shorts to Barbara Stanwyck? How could they make a silly mistake like that? I guess the ruffles fooled them. Those aren't ruffles. They're pleats. Pleats? Yes, pleats. Okay. Horizontal pleats. Stop being silly. And another thing, I hope you didn't forget to tell the laundry about my weak ankles. I told them. I told them. Weak ankles? What's that got to do with the laundry? They, uh, they put more starch in my socks. A little, uh... A little faster, Rochester. We'll be late for rehearsal. Say, Mary, when we rehearse our program today, I want you to... Oh, look, Jack, look. The Bells of St. Mary's is playing at the theater there. Oh, I sure want to see it. Me too. I hear it's wonderful. That's what everybody says. Jack, what picture do you think will win the Academy Award? Well, it's hard to say. There were several outstanding pictures. Lost weekends. The Bells of St. Mary's. Spellbound. The horn blows at midnight. And then there's... Oh, wait a minute, Jack. You don't think you've got a chance to win the Academy Award for that picture, do you? I don't see why not. You know, I should have won it for my sensational acting in to be or not to be. Well, why didn't you win? That is the question! Rochester. No kidding, Mary. I'll never forget that scene when I threw the cloak over my left shoulder and said to be or not to be. That is the question. Jack! Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows about outrageous fortune or to take arms... Jack, we're driving. Sit down. People on the sidewalk are applauding. Oh, yes. To be or... I'm not jealous. I'm embarrassed. Anyway, that picture was one time I should have won the Academy Award. Well, this year, I think Ray Milan has a good chance to win it for his performance in Lost Weekend. Well, Ray was good in that picture, but I thought the plot was awfully flimsy. What are you talking about? It was a terrific plot. A fellow star stringing and loses a whole weekend. So what? Phil Harris has been doing that for 15 years. He thinks Monday comes right after Friday. Anyway, I'll bet I'll win the award when I make my next picture. What's it gonna be? A biography, the story of my life. Right from the time I was a baby. Do they have babies in those days? No, no, Mary. They picked me off a mulberry bush. And don't be so smart. You know, they dramatized my life last Sunday on that program called Freedom of Opportunity. I know. I heard it. Jack, is it true that when you were 15 years old, your father wanted you to be a concert violinist? Yes, that's true, Mary, but inwardly, I was fighting against it. In fact, I didn't realize it until my first performance. There I was, out on that concert stage, playing the Mendelssohn Concerto in E minor. And right in the middle of the number, something came over me. Tomato juice. No, no, something besides that. But, who knows, if I'd have stuck to the violin, I might have been another hyphets or an Isaac Stern or a Joseph Zagetti. By the way, Mary, Zagetti is giving a concert tonight in my hometown, Waukegan. I wish I could be there. If this wind keeps up, you've got a good chance. Oh, it isn't so windy today. I don't know. This is the first time I ever coasted uphill. Well, reef in the sail, we're at NBC. Come on, Mary. Rochester, while we're rehearsing, take the car down to the corner filling station and have the oil change. Okay, boss, but I don't think they'll do it the way you want it. What does he want, Rochester? He wants to trade the old oil in. All right, have it changed anyway, but take the old oil home. Yes, sir. Come on, Mary. Jack, you must be kidding. You don't really take your old motor oil home. Certainly, I can use it around the house. I thought that salad dressing had a lot of carbon in it. That was pepper. Here we are, Mary. I wonder what studio we're supposed to... Well, here comes Charlie McCarthy. Hello, Charlie. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, Charlie. Mary Livingston, my you great, big, beautiful girl, you. Now, Charlie, you behave yourself. I'm so sorry, Mr. Benny, but when you're as short as I am, you get nylon happy. Well, we'll see you later, Charlie. Come on, Mary. Come on. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye. Goodbye. You know, Mary's amazing how he gets around without Bergen. Yeah, I wish I'd asked my producer what studio we're rehearsing in. Jack. Jack. What? Oh, it's that good Bergen. Hello, Mary. Jack, have you seen Charlie? Yes, he just went down the hall. Thanks, you know, every time I turn my back, he runs away. Hey, Jack. What? It's amazing how he gets around without McCarthy. Now, let's see. Maybe we're rehearsing here at Studio G. This might be it. No, no, no, no, gentlemen. Now, let's try it once more. This is it, Mary. Filled rehearsing is gentlemen. Now, come on, fellas. Nice and smooth this time, with a little class to it. You know, lots of dignity. Okay, are you ready? I want that too. I will too, too, too, too to hear that. Dignity. Yes. Hey, Jackson. Pretty good, Phil. What's the name of it? I don't know. Hey, Franky, what was the name of that tune we just played? It was Stardust, Jackson. No, it wasn't, Phil. I know how Stardust goes. Hey, fellas, Jackson says it wasn't Stardust. It really doesn't matter. It does to us, Jackson. We're musicians. Okay, okay. I'll take your word for it. Now, Phil, we've got to start rehearsing the script. So tell your boys to take a rest for a while. Okay. All right, gentlemen, you can go. That's the way it's supposed to be. How much noise they can make in their bare feet. Is everybody here? Where's John Wilson? Here I am, Jack. And where's Larry? Here I am, right behind Mr. Wilson. Well, come around where I can see it. Now, kids, I've got a great thing to do on the program. What is it, Jack? Well, I went to the movies last night and saw 20th Century Fox's picture, State Fair. And I enjoyed it so much that I've written a radio version of it. And believe me, it took some tricky writing. Now, Mary, in this play, you're going to be my wife. And guess what I'm going to be? What? Your husband. Some tricky writing. Now, Mary, nowadays, it's nice to know who your husband's going to be. Look what happens with Pappy Boyington. You're going to be my neighbor, Zeke Martin. Zeke? Yes. I hope I got a brother named Hyde. Why? Come on, and you're off. It gives me the courage to go on. Larry, you're going to be my son, Si. Gee, Mr. Benny, I'm much too old to be your son. Thanks, kid. Now, um... Now, Don, Don, you're going to play the part of Blue Boy, my prize-winning heart. Oh, now, wait a minute, Jack. Believe me, Don, you've got just the right line. Now, remember, your name is Blue Boy, and you're going to win the Blue Ribbon. Jack, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to play the part of a horse. Don, you made your stomach now lie on it. Now, remember, kids, in this play, we go to the Pomona Fair. Phil, have your musicians come in and tell them to be quiet. Okay. All right, fellas, come on in, and be quiet. Now, as the scene opens... As our scene opens... We find Lempe body and his wife and whole preparing for the fair. All right, let's rehearse this. Curtain, music. What are you doing? Fixing the mincemeat. You know, I'm aiming to win first prize the fair this year. I'm the best cook in the county. Yes, you are, ma'am. Look what happened last year when the judge tasted my cooking. I knew I was going to be the winner. Yep, too bad he dropped dead before he could announce it. Fast words as he lay there looking up at me. What did he say, ma'am? He said, I've been judging Paws for nigh on a 50 years, but this one's out of this world and I'm going with it. You could make that statement. You know, ma'am, I've been worried all week. I could make up my mind which hog to take to the fair. Why, Pa, I thought you decided to take Blue Boy. I did, but you know my other hog as Morality is a lot smarter. Well, I guess I'll go down to the pen and look him over. See you later, ma'am. Rubin, rubin, I've been thinking what a strange world this would be if we had no Betty Grable or no L-S-M-F-T. Luckies, luckies, I've been smokin' they're the bestest smokin' no surrounds, firms, fully packed so free and easy on the draw. On the draw? That don't sound right, draw. I better try that again. Luckies, luckies, I've been smokin' the bestest smoke I ever saw. Hey, that's it, saw. I got it now, saw. Luckies, luckies, I've been smokin' the bestest smoke I ever saw. Surround, firms, fully packed so free and easy on the draw. Saw doesn't seem to rhyme either there. Always. Hey, Lamb, hello, Lambie. I would just go down to the pen to look over as Morality and Blue Boy. I don't know which one of my pigs to take to the fair. Wouldn't you have more fun with your wife? I've been reading Dr. Pierce's almanac again. Well, Lamb, I don't care which pig you take, I'll bet you $5, you don't win no prizes. Okay, to bet. To bet, just a second, I'll get it from the money. What's the matter, Zeke? Ain't you never seen a man's leg before? Get down to the pen with me, Zeke, while I look him over. Okay. Hey, Lamb, here comes your son up the road with some of them there farm hands. They're always a-singin', always a-singin'. You ought to hear them around harvest time. Sit around the campfire and sing till it's time for bed. Never saw anything like it. My story-eyed and vaguely discontented Like a nightingale without a song to sing Oh, why should I have spring fever When it is spring? We keep wishing we were somewhere else Walking down a strange new street Busy as a spider spinning daydreams I'm as giddy as a babe Mine's got a good voice. Sure has, Lamb, sure has. If he keeps it up, I'm gonna take him to the big city, Azusa. And don't forget Anaheim and Cucamonga. When he's ready for it, when he's ready for it. Is that fellow Jack Benny on the radio? I'm always busy at that time. Well, he's got a contest where he's giving away about $10,000. He's announcing the winners two weeks from tonight. You're a fool if you ask me. Well, here we are. Look at those pigs. Aren't they hum-dingers? Look at Esmeralda. Look at that belly on Blue Boy. Esmeralda? Esmeralda, come here. Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee. Oh, geez, a fine-looking sour. I don't know, Blue Boy looks pretty good to me. Yeah. Tell me here, Blue Boy. Oink, oink, oink, oink. Wait, 2,800 pounds. Feel his ribs. Go ahead, feel his ribs. Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink. He's so dirt-tickly. Hey, Zeke. Zeke, how do you like this setup I got here in the barnyard? Well, you're way behind the times, let me old boy. Now you take my car, barn brand stance. Now I got it all modernized. I got telephone. Telephone? How can a cow feel like sure to be milk? She just takes the receiver off the hook and causes it to house. Caught it to house? Well, how can a cow dial the... Oh, oh, I see. Zeke, let's go back to the house. See how more is getting along. All right. Hey, Ma. Ma, here's Zeke. Hello, Zeke. Hello, Mrs. P, buddy. What you making? Mincemeat. I'm taking it to the fair. Mincemeat, huh? Yup, and to give it just the right flavor, I put in some brandy. Brandy? Yup. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Oh, I see. Brandy. Yup, two table thorns, Pa. No, no, no, Mrs. P, buddy. You spoil the mincemeat. Hey, Pa. What? Some tricky writing. Well, excuse me, boys. I'm going upstairs and put on my new ging dress. Okay, hurry up. Quick, Graham, hand me that bottle of brandy. Now, wait a minute, Zeke. The way I wrote this play, you hate the taste of brandy. Well, hand me that bottle I'm gonna add live. Easy, but look it. You go ahead and pour it into the mincemeat. I'll pour this bottle in and then you pour another one in. All right, but let's hurry before more gets back. Bottle, I think you hear more coming. Okay. Well, Pa, I'm ready, too. Before we go, maybe I better taste this mincemeat. Now, wait a minute more. Wait a minute, let me taste it. You know how crazy I am about your mincemeat. All right, go ahead. Better taste it again. Better taste it once more. Well, Pa, how is it? Too much mincemeat. I said, too much mincemeat. So has been asked to inform the general public and employers about the assets of our veterans, not only as citizens, but as employees. There are many misconceptions about what the years of removal from civilian life did to our servicemen. The truth is that they've come home far better equipped for a good peacetime job than they were before. Their service training has given them many new skills. And every service job is related to a civilian occupation in some way. So here's a suggestion to employers for a new year's resolution. Resolve to employ ex-servicemen in 1946. Thank you. The contest will be announced two weeks from tonight, January 27th. On tonight's program, Edgar Bergen and Charlie MacArthur were impersonated by Ali O'Toole. That darn fool, Jack Benny, will be back in a minute. But first, here is my good friend, Effie Boone. At 4 a.m. at 4 a.m. at 4 a.m. At 4 a.m. at 4 a.m. At 4 a.m. at 4 a.m. In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts. That's right. L.S.M.F.T. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. The finer, the lighter, the naturally milder. Lucky strike tobacco. And this fine Lucky strike tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you. Why, sure. L.S.M.F.T. Yes, Lucky strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco. 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