 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm your host Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, The Four Layers of Commitment Men Must Go Through, or is it Four Layers of Commitment Men Go Through? Four! Okay. Really quickly, before we get started, if you're in a relationship with you guy and you're pulling your hair out trying to figure out if this is the right relationship for you, check out the link to my Discovery Call. One of my expertise happens to be helping you decipher men coming at this from the male perspective. So if you want some help on a guy you're seeing right now and you just want some perspective, check out the link below to see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, those four layers of commitment a man must go through. Alright, let me set the stage here for a second about the couple three important factors for commitment for both men and women. Three important factors for commitment for both men and women. In what the first we have to recognize that in the beginning stage of the dating we're often times driven by chemistry. We're driven by chemicals. We're driven by lust. We're driven by limerence, infatuation. We feel a connection with another human being. It might be emotional connection, might be physical connection, but we feel a vibe. We feel a connection. That's what gets the train going. So that love and lust is the first train that we jump on. And for a lot of people that train is a disaster. It's a crash and burn. It never goes anywhere. Sometimes it leads to first, second, or third date sex, but it doesn't go very far after that. But if you're lucky enough to get past that initial stage, then we move into the next stage of are we spending time together to build trust? Are we spending time together to build trust? And I'm going to lean into this because it's going to talk about the four layers of commitment in a second. But that second phase of love is all about building trust with one another. And the next phase after that is real deep commitment. Now I know many of you have been conditioned that don't give sex until you have commitment. But I want to lean into the layers of commitment because that's such a that's such a confusing word because commitment, what does that mean to you? I can tell you I work with so many women and they're, you know, in relationship with a guy and they call me up and say, Jonathan, I'm in a relationship with a guy and I want more commitment out of him. I'm like, great, what does that look like? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like? But Jonathan, I just want more commitment from him. I'm like, great, what does that look like? Ladies, I can't tell you how many times you're asking me these questions about commitment, but you have no idea what it looks like for yourself. And if you can't explain it to me, how can you explain it to the guy? So let me tell you how men go about commitment. Layer one, layer one, layer one is that we make a commitment to monogamy in sex and we make a commitment to exclusivity. That's the first layer of commitment. Okay, that's, that's the best we're probably going to do. And the first stage is that we're going to agree that we're not going to sleep with other people while we're in this phase of getting to know one another because recognize that it takes that time to build the trust. Okay, before you go to the deeper layer of commitment. So in that first layer, it's about, it's about committing to agreeing to monogamy and exclusivity. And a lot of you might be wondering, well, how do I bring this up? And the way I do it is when as a single man, and I'm dating, I, if I'm going out with the women, I realize this might lead to something I say, Hey, look, I just want you to know something, when I'm intimate sexually intimate with a woman, I'm monogamous, and then I'm exclusive. How do you operate? How do you operate? How are you doing? Well, Joey from friends, how are you doing? Now, how do you operate? Okay. I asked the question, by the way, not every woman operates that way. I've, I've, I've gone out with women and say, Well, I don't commit to a guy right away. And I'm like, Well, I don't have sex with you unless I know we're going to agree to monogamous sex and I don't want you and if we're having intimate sex together, I'd like to know that you're not dating other people. That's my first request. Okay. Layer two. This is when someone begins to invest by introducing you to his family and his friends. Because that's a big commitment to introduce people into your intimate life, your family and your friends. That's reaching another level of commitment. That's layer two of commitment is when they begin to introduce you to family and friends. That says that they want approval from their friends and it also says they want family and it says they want to show you off. Now, this is where a relationship is a lot of trust is built when you're when you're socializing with family and friends. That's where a lot of trust can be built because you're building the roots to deeper commitment when you're investing in each other's lives. And this is an important root. So if someone is reluctant to introduce you to family, someone is reluctant to introduce you to friends. And when I mean family, children are a little bit different dynamic because children, I do believe that until you reach layer three of commitment, you shouldn't introduce your children. But recognizing family and friends is part of the building trust process, building trust process. And the third layer of commitment is what I call playing house. It's acting like you're in a partnership already, you're doing things for one another. Hey, I need a ride to the airport. Will you take me? Hey, I've got something at the dry cleaners will you pick it up for me? It's teamwork based activities. It's investing time in each other's homes with one another. And it's doing chores around the house playing house together is another layer of commitment it's doing social activities together, it's doing hobbies together, it's traveling together, because that's another layer of commitment that builds the foundation of trust for that fourth layer of commitment, which is partnership. And partnership can look a lot of different ways it could be marriage, it could be living together, it could be just an agreement that we're partners with one another. But when you've reached layer four, you're not second guessing the relationship you feel confident in this relationship, because you've gone through these layers with one another. And the reason why these don't happen is because most the time, we're dealing with dysfunctional people, we're dealing with people that haven't healed their childhood wounds and traumas, and they keep repeating patterns of dating the wrong people over and over and over and over and over again. Hence why I recommend getting the book Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. Why this is so important is because you might be choosing a relationship that's a pattern of the same type of relationship over and over again, and he's choosing a pattern of a relationship of someone, same type of person over and over again, because most likely they have childhood traumas, and they're reliving patterns, choosing dysfunctional relationships. Because those folks who genuinely love on themselves, they genuinely have invested in their own self worth, self reliance, self esteem, their own sovereignty are in a position to choose better partners. Hence why I recommend my book What the Heck is Self Love Anyway, so much, because this is a guide for personal development, self health and spiritual work. So you can have that inner sovereignty so you're not giving your power away to another human being. And recognizing that it's important to know what commitment looks like for you first. And I'm trying to give you a little tiny tidbit of our understanding those four layers of commitment to be prepared for and choosing the type of partner that really wants to go to that fourth layer of deep partnership. And it takes that layer of trust to be built before anyone's ever going to be ready for partnership. And that layer of trust is an individual trust. In other words, they feel safe to be vulnerable and to be intimate with another human being because that's the fourth layer is that feeling of it's safe to just be me. And that can certainly happen, but it takes a lot of work in that middle stage to get there. Wow, I covered a lot there. Alright, I'm sure you have some thoughts on this. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you. Also, if you want to, if you're in a relationship with a guy and you're like pulling your hair out like I said before and you want some help recognizing if he's the right one to commit to, then schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do starting off by giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm going to ask you to give yourself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm going to ask you to turn the person to the right and turn the person to the left and give them a bear hug because hugs are a great source of love and we cannot have enough love in our lives. So hug each other all the time to get juicy love in your life. Ah, okay, I'm going to sign off this video by saying wishing you a super duper, wonderful, fantastic day. Thanks. Bye bye now.