 Hi, everyone. We have a really special guest today. Please put your hands together, Fernayka. I thank you so much for that warm introduction. I am so excited to be singing for you guys today. Broke boys don't deserve no poops. Wow, can we really just, let's put our hands together one more time. Oh my gosh, amazing performance. We are truly so blessed. On a more serious note. Hi guys, my name is Nneka. I am the creator of High Black Girl, channel where we talk about all things beauty, but then also all things like personal finance too, because we are all baddies on a budget here. That sounds like you. Make sure you subscribe. In today's video, I'm sure you could probably tell from the title, we're gonna be talking about money. Oh my God, I'm like, wait. We are going to be talking about money and dating. Specifically, sorry. Specifically, like these girls in the ultimatum, Randall and Alexis were making some points. So throughout today's video, one, we're gonna overview, you know, like what's the ultimatum. Two, we're gonna talk about like the two couples that were really like concerned about their finances in the ultimatum and why I think they're probably the couples that are truly going to make it. Then we're gonna talk about like money and dating. After that, we're gonna talk about financial like compatibility. Like how do you know if you're financially compatible with the person you're dating? Yes, no, maybe I'll give you some tips there. Also some red flags you should look out for if you're dating someone. And then lastly, I will give you all my final thoughts on dating, money, relationships, and general please. My final thoughts on the ultimatum, is that was a crazy fucking show. So without further ado, let's just get right on into it. Okay, so let's talk about money and dating and the ultimatum. So in the ultimatum, there are only two people that really talked about money. The first was Alexis and then, well, actually I think Randall mentioned it first. But, ladies first, the first was Alexis, right? She was very clear from the jump, broke niggas don't deserve no pussy. She said, I grew up comfortable, but I wanna be real good, like real comfortable. Like, I'm not, I'm not buying this or that. I'm buying both and I'm buying it twice. Let's go to that clip. Looking to get out of your potential partner. Finances are like so important to solidify. I have a certain lifestyle that I want to live. Marriage for me is a financial decision and an emotional decision. But like, oh, you don't necessarily have to have that much money. I'm like, no you do. I don't ever wanna have a situation where I have to pick, oh, I'm paying for this or that. And I grew up comfortable, but you know, I want more than comfortable. I want like good. See, Alexis is not playing no games and that's why I really love her on this show because she knows exactly what she wants. Even though she wilded out on Colby maybe one too many times, she was upfront enough to say what she wanted out of a relationship and what she expected a man to provide. And you know, Colby knew that he couldn't do that. So they were financially incompatible. It would have been nice if Colby would have just been honest with her and say, hey, like I think you're a beautiful girl. I think you're a nice girl. You have this expectation of money that like my career, my priorities, I don't think I can provide you that extra comfortable luxurious lifestyle that you want. You know? And I think that's why Alexis is kind of freaking out because like she did not understand why he was rejecting her. And like it was because of the money. And like I appreciate Colby for not wasting her time. Like Alexis is a woman that knows what she wants and I'm happy that in the end she got her boo. All right, now let's go to Randall. I think it would be best to just be able to get rid of some debt that I have in my past in order to have a great life for her. That's ultimately my reason, but she doesn't understand that. So Randall was very clear that he has financial plans, money goals and he does want to get married but he just doesn't want to carry debt into the relationship, which I think is completely understandable and like realistic. What was so bizarre to me that throughout the entire show, you never heard Shanique talk about finances not one time. She said, I think Randall's ready to get married. And I'm like, yeah, Randall's married, but his money is not, it just like it wasn't clicking. And that was kind of like the thing throughout the entire ultimatum. Like these couples had some serious issues, but there was no mediation, no therapy. Like they were supposed to just, I guess go on a self-discovery journey and work it out themselves, but that, as you see clearly, did not happen. So let's talk about financial compatibility. How do you know if you're financially compatible with someone? Well, in order to know, you kind of have to start talking finances with the person. What are your financial goals? Before you, and the words of RuPaul, how the hell you gonna love yourself? If you don't love nobody else, wait. If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? You can't love yourself? How in the hell you gonna love somebody else? If you don't know what your financial goals are, how are you gonna know if you're compatible with anyone else? So take some time to think, you know, like are you prioritizing paying down debt right now? Are you prioritizing building an emergency fund? Or are you prioritizing, like getting your investment accounts together and getting to that first like 5K, 10K, 100K mark? What are your financial goals? And then once you know what you want your money to really look like in the next five, 10, however many years, then when you're coming into a relationship with someone, you can talk to them like, hey, what are your financial goals? What are they prioritizing? Do they have a lot of student debt? Do they have a lot of credit card debt? If you guys are seriously thinking about getting married and like merging your finances together, do you guys have the same, you know, five, 10 year plan? And not to say that you're gonna meet someone and you know, it's going to be perfect. You guys agree on everything, X, Y, Z, you might not. But the most important thing is that you have a conversation and you talk about it, right? I have, I know couples that like keep their finances completely separate and that works for them because they just don't have the same financial goals. But they are still financially compatible because they're on the same page about how they're spending their money versus, you know, a couple that may have merged everything together, but one person's a huge spender, one person wants to really save their money or invest their money so then they're incompatible because although they did merge their finances, they just don't have the same goals at the end of the day. So in order to know if you're financially compatible with someone, first, you have to know yourself and two, you have to be willing and open to like kind of compromise, find common goals you wanna do together. For example, pay for your wedding or buy a house or things of that nature. And once you guys are able to really build those goals together, then it's smooth sailing. So let's talk about red flags because I feel like they were a couple on the ultimatum when it comes to like money and dating and we kind of just swept those under the rug. So one of the huge ones I saw, like Alexis. Hunter wasn't making enough money that was reasonable, I would walk away. I love Alexis, but goddamn girl, you would leave your man if he wasn't making enough money that was acceptable. Do you really love, but I think it also goes with the fact that like I am kind of assuming that they had that conversation because it gave the impression that she knew how much money he was making, right? So actually I take that back. Maybe that's not a red flag. Maybe that's just a high standard. Huge red flag, Shanique and Randall, I just didn't talk about money like not once and Randall made it super clear that he wanted to get his money together so he could provide a really great life for Shanique and Shanique was just like, I wanna get married. Like that's just the ultimate red flag for me. Like number one, avoidance. If someone isn't willing to have like that money conversation with you and get it straight, this is a money conversation when you guys are in a serious relationship already and you're talking about marriage. This isn't like your first date going out, you know, doing yada, yada, yada. That I think is like a huge red flag that Shanique wasn't willing to get on the same financial page or like just have like a compromise, some understanding when it came to Randall because yes, Randall wants to get rid of some debt before they get into marriage but maybe like him and Shanique have compromised like hey, once we get our debt under 10,000 or under 20,000, then we can consider having a wedding. That way, you know, they're both kind of winning. Like Randall has an opportunity to pay down his debt and Shanique has like motivation to really get her money together or their money together to get the wedding, right? And it doesn't have to be all the way to zero. Even though zero would be nice but it's something, right? And that's what money and dating and marriage is all about. This is about compromising, right? One person might want that debt to be absolutely at zero and the other person might be okay with like, okay, we have like $10,000 in credit card debt. We're both employed like and we have a solid emergency fund. I am not really stressed about that. I don't want that debt to stop us from living our lives which is also fine. It's personal finance, it's personal but when you're together, you cannot avoid that conversation. That is a huge, huge red flag. Okay, red flag number two. When I see someone with a million credit cards, like just a fat stack of credit cards, that is a sign that that person has a lot of consumer debt and you know, debt isn't morally like negative or positive just because you have debt doesn't mean you're a bad person but it does raise some flags to me about responsibility. I can understand if you know, you got in a car accident, now you had to buy a new car so you got deeper in debt for a new car and you had to mount a cool bill so that puts you further in debt. But if you just have a bunch of credit card debt because you were stopping at like, GameStop buying the latest gadgets, like upgrading your iPhone every year like that is a red flag to me. I can't, I can't see. I can't call it any other thing. Like honestly, that is a huge, huge, huge red flag. So if you do, if the person you're dating does have a lot of credit card debt or consumer debt, take some time, don't be judgmental off the bat, see what the backstory is by that debt and if it's just regular consumer debt because they wanted to buy a new outfit then. Red flag number three. No savings, no investment accounts. So I actually want to tell y'all a little story about a guy that I was dating. We only went on two dates, which also was kind of like a huge red flag to me that he wanted to talk about money on like date one and date two. But I explained this better on my Instagram story. Cut to that. But anyway, so after my date with Mr. Softee, this other guy sent me an Uber to like pick me up and go on a date with him and we'll call him the artist. And so basically the whole date, he was just like one of those guys that was like, oh, like I spent $5,000 on the sunglasses, my Versace shirt costs like $2,000 and I have the matching Versace belt, blah, blah. But I don't know, I still had fun. We like went to Sweet Chicks and Soft, sorry, my cat. And we like went to this pool bar after. But like he just talked about money the entire time and I wasn't really impressed because I asked him if he invested and he said no. It was alarming that he didn't have any investments and he was older than me and he just didn't know anything about them. And like again, not an indicator if this is a good or bad person, but it's just a huge red flag to me that you've gotten to this point in your life and you haven't thought about one, like saving money or two, saving for retirement. So I am more than happy to like teach the one, get them up to speed, but they have to want that for themselves. Like I have plenty of people in my life that I'm like, start this 401K, start this IRA, start this, start this, start this. And they're just like, and then I'm just like, there's nothing you can do. You can't help someone that doesn't wanna help themselves. So if you're with someone, realize that they don't have any savings or any plans for retirement and you've tried, I would honestly give it like maybe six months. It is kind of a daunting thing to do, but ultimately you need to set yourself up for success girls. So you got your investment accounts, you're good. I wouldn't date someone who didn't. That is a huge, huge, huge red flag. So I wanted to leave you guys with my final thoughts on the ultimatum. Honestly, it's garbage. It's true trash TV. I personally, like I could see myself on a reality TV show, but that one, absolutely fucking not. There was no actual help. Like these couples had real issues, like Randall Alexis, I think it was kind of a little bit more financial. Nate, the girl who said two words, I think her name was Lauren. They had a huge baby like issue, like whether they wanted to have a family or not. Colby's just a fucking liar. I don't know how the fuck they got anywhere. And then, you know, Jake and April, like it seems like they were really incompatible on the show. And what's his name, Tariq? Oh my God, if his name's not Tariq, I feel like that is really racist. I think it does start with a T though. Tariq? Anyway, black man needs help. He needs a fucking therapist. And I'm really happy that Ray like found her voice, like finally at the reunion and was like, I'm done with your shit. But like the couple that we really wanted to get together, Ray and Jake, like they didn't even go on their trip. But I did think it was really good television because I ended up watching it with someone I was dating. And we had a lot of really good like money and marriage conversations, which I would not have these conversations while you're just dating and getting to know someone. But because of the context of the show, it just made the conversation so natural to have. So if you're dating someone and you wanna see how serious they are, like what they think about money and marriage, I think it's a pretty good show to watch with someone. You'll learn a lot. So let's go ahead and wrap this shit up. Please make sure you subscribe to my channel, do it, follow me on Instagram if you would like at Hi, Black Girl. And I am starting to make daily vlogs on TikTok solely because I wanna become a better video editor. So if you wanna catch up with me on a day to day basis, you can follow me on there. But otherwise that is really it. Leave me a comment below if you like this video and let me know what you guys wanna talk about next. Until next time.