 Why Narcissists have to control everything. Narcissists can be very controlling. They want to have influence and authority over you and they are unable to be changed or adapted. They are not adaptable in outlook, belief or response. They have an obsession with order. Everything has to be arranged or dispositioned according to a particular sequence, pattern or method. Everything must be in its correct or appropriate place. They have to eat at a specific time. The temperature always has to be perfect for them and if it's not, they will give you an authoritative instruction to make the necessary adjustments. They create the rules and regulations and they expect you to follow them. Everything has to be done their way. If it's not, they will bully and intimidate you. They will keep you in subjection and hardship by their unjust exercise of authority. They will burden you with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints without any regard for the distress or anxiety that it may cause for you. They will try to gain control over your finances so that everything can be done their way. They have this my way or the highway mentality. If you don't follow their demands or agree with their opinion, then you will have to leave. You're not allowed to have your own ideas or opinions. You're not allowed to have your own separate way of life. They expect you to conform to their way of doing things because in their minds there is only one correct way and that is the way that they do it. They have a superiority complex. They have exaggerated opinions of themselves. They believe that their abilities and achievements surpass yours or other people's so they believe that they are superior to you. They believe that they should be in control. They should make all of the decisions for you. Narcissists cannot adapt their outlook, belief or response because they are affected by an all-consuming obsession and they expect you to conform to these ideas and thoughts that continually preoccupy and intrude on their minds. They can be very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail. They are like everything to be very neat, accurate and in good order. They can be excessively particular, critical and demanding. They could be hard to please. They could be very cruel. They will willfully cause pain and suffering to you while feeling no concern about it. They are self-righteous. They have an unfounded uncertainty that they are totally correct or morally superior. They believe that their beliefs, actions or affiliations are of greater virtue than those of the average person. They can be smugly, moralistic and intolerant of the opinions of behavior of other people. They are narrow-minded. They are not willing to listen to or tolerate other people's views. They are not willing to accept ideas or ways of behaving that are different from their own. They have a limited outlook. They are unwilling to consider alternative ideas, perspective or thoughts. Everything has to be done their way. If they see someone with different ideas or ways of behaving, they cannot tolerate it. They will display their self-righteous and smugly moralistic attitude towards you. They will show and feel active opposition and hostility towards you. They cannot tolerate diversity. And while there may be things that we don't approve of, whether it's smoking, alcohol or drugs, we can respond to it in an appropriate way without having to embarrass or shame the person, without having to make them feel dishonorable or unworthy. But the narcissist will get very angry. They will degrade the person. They will make them feel like what they're doing is foolish or unwise. They lack empathy so they can be very cruel. Some narcissists can be very controlling over everything in their home. It may even seem like they're suffering from OCD. They can be very precise and careful about details. They could be obsessed with cleanliness. They cannot be happy unless everything is perfect. But nothing is ever perfect. Because they always find something wrong. They always find something wrong. Because it's not that outer reality that is the issue. The narcissist obsessive need for control. It's a defensive correction of their internal sense of chaos and unworthiness. They feel unclean. They are experiencing complete disorder and confusion. And they feel undeserving of respect and attention. They try to compensate for this by trying to control everything around them. They are battling with their own feelings of not being enough, which they then take out on everyone around them. Everything has to be ordered and arranged their way. If it isn't, they will get very angry. They will use their obsessions to control you. They have no empathy or compassion. If their perfect world is interrupted, they will attack you. They see it as though if you're going to be a part of their lives, you have to follow their rules and regulations. You have to obey their commands. If you live with a narcissist, your life has to revolve around them. Everything has to be done on their terms. You cannot live a separate life outside of them. Everything has to be obsessively ordered to manage their insecurity. But they don't realize that this is what they're doing. They control their environment to manage their internal sense of not being enough. It helps them to cope. It makes them feel in control. But if you question that obsession with the control, or choose not to live in the way that they want to live, they will get very angry. They're not going to look themselves and think that maybe their obsession with control is the problem. Narcissists have to control everything. They have an obsession with order. And this can result in them failing to make the best use of their time or resources, because they get lost in details. And they need everything to be perfect. So they don't get much done. It affects their productivity. But they will only ever see things their way. It leaves you walking on eggshells. You become extremely cautious about your words and actions. Because you have to be very careful not to offend or upset them. Any little thing could set them off. Because they're very sensitive to criticism. They're very insecure. They're easily offended. It's like dealing with a child. They have so many needs. So many things that they need you to do for them. And everything has to be done at a certain time. Everything has to be done when they want it. This is a pattern of behaviour that is never going to change. And while everything may be ordered perfectly for the narcissist. You will find yourself experiencing nothing but disorder. Nothing but chaos and confusion. You will find yourself experiencing significant difficulties and distress in your daily life. Because you're just burning yourself out. By trying to cater to their need for order. The narcissist often won't even notice the damage they're doing to you. And they won't slow down on their demands. In the situation where they do notice your difficulties or distress. They will just see it as though you're weak or you're not good enough. They're not going to look themselves and see that they're doing this to you. You're just an object of the narcissist. You're just a convenience. You're just something that's supposed to make their lives easier. As long as they get what they want from you. They don't care about what you're going through. In their minds your purpose and reason for existing is to serve them. Any inconvenience you bring to them is a problem. If you have been involved in a divorce with a narcissist. Or maybe they knew someone that passed away. Rather than having any care or interest in the other person. The narcissist is obsessed with what they believe is owed to them. All they care about is what they're going to get out of it. What they believe is just or fair to them. They will spend a lot of money on attorneys. They will do whatever it takes to compensate for their internal sense of deep insecurity. But you're never going to change the narcissist. They're always going to operate in this way. They're always going to demand and expect that people do things their way. But you need to go within yourself. And question if that's something you want to be a part of. As humans we were meant to be free. We were not designed to be controlled by anyone. And that is why when you are under a narcissist control. You will only experience difficulties and distress. It's not good for you. The narcissist has to control everything. They are contrary to the ordinary course of nature. Because they know that things wouldn't naturally pan out in their favor. They know that everything is destined to go against what they want and their way of doing things. Unless they box it in and keep it under their control. And if they didn't believe that. There would be no reason to control anything in the first place. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe if you would like to donate. My paypal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coaching at narksurvivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.