 Should I text him if he's pulling away? Or we're gonna offer an alternate solution in this do this instead. So you've noticed the man that you're in a relationship with emotionally pulling away, physically pulling away. And you've been wondering should you chase him? Should you text him? What can you do to bring him back? And I know a lot of dating advice out there will tell you go live your own life, make sure you post lots of pictures on your Instagram to let him know what he's missing out on. And that this will somehow magically make this person come back. See the question is should I text him if he's pulling away? No, you should not be texting him if he's pulling away. What you should be do is evaluating the relationship for what it is and recognize that pulling away sometimes for some men is a recalibration of recognizing what's important to them and for some men pulling away is because they're unable to give more emotionally into the relationship. Let me repeat that. For some men, they're unable to emotionally give more into a relationship. So this is the time when a person is pulled away is the reflection time when you're not amped up on chemical. Well, okay, let me retract that. I was about to say when you're not amped up on the chemicals of being in their physical presence, the problem is for many of us is we're amped up on different chemicals and that's the chemical of lack, the chemical of longing, that chemical of being desired by another human being. See, when a man pulls away, he could be, as I said, recalibrating in this particular case to really evaluate if it makes sense to continue with this relationship. And for many men, they're unable to emotionally go any deeper into the relationship, as I said earlier. What I'm inviting everybody to do is really evaluate the relationship on its merits. Did you build the deep roots of trust in the early stages of dating to actually warrant some level of partnership in your relationship? Folks, okay, let's be clear. There are many forms of relationships today. The most common ones are hooking up, which is a form of a temporary relationship, friends with benefits, which is another form of temporary relationship, situationships, meaning connections with another human being without defined and casual relationships, where there is some minor agreement of monogamy and exclusivity, but there's no real direction on where this relationship is headed. See, a serious relationship living together or a marriage, well, marriage, I mean, I guess is the ultimate form of commitment to some degree when you're declaring it in front of people, in front of your God, in front of the government, you're making a declaration. Living together, there's financial components together that make you far more committed. And a serious relationship is a relationship where there's partnership involved with one another where you're integrating into each other's lives in a partnership capacity that hopefully leads to either living together, getting married sometime in the future. There's a true integration, but more importantly, there's a partnership. There is a teamwork element in the building of this relationship. Did you hear that word teamwork? When you notice a man pulling away, ask yourself, are we really good friends with one another and really be introspective here, not from that little kid that's feeling abandonment or anxiety or fear or it's familiar from your childhood, really looking inward, being introspective and ask yourself, am I really good friends with this person? But then I invite you to ask yourself a deeper question, are we really teammates with each other? I'm gonna tell you something, if you are genuinely good friends with each other and you are teammates with one another, a man might temporarily pull away to recalibrate and recalibrate is just to sit with his own feelings by the way, you've heard this before, men need their caveman time, we need to recalibrate, we need to, men and women both need to recalibrate and recharge their batteries. So there's gonna be times when a person might not be 150% all in into this relationship. I mean, we have this grand expectation that it's at 150% level and some people might be at 98% level and they need to recharge their batteries for that other 2%, but when the expectation is at such a grand level, any slight shift might feel like he's abandoning the relationship. So I invite you to ask yourself these questions when you're doing this introspective work on yourself, but then it really investigate the question, what qualities do I admire about this person in the other person? And ask yourself the same questions, what qualities within myself do I admired or I had wished I had within myself? You know, it's interesting, many of you have been following me, know I was in a significant relationship with a woman. And one of the qualities I admired about her was that she was great at fixing things. She was, she could be a handyman. I mean, she could go out and start, she had a little pink tool belt, she could go out and be a handyman. I admired those qualities within her because I recognized that they were qualities within myself I didn't like. And so, let me reframe that. I didn't possess some of those qualities. So I admired her because it was coming from a lack from within me. And so maybe you are appreciating something in another person because it's something maybe missing within yourself. So I learned how to be a handyman. I don't necessarily need that person by life and I'm being tongue-in-cheek here. Recognize that relationships are a place for individual growth. Relationships are a place for both individual growth and we are going to be in relationship with people that will trigger our stuff. He's triggering your stuff, you're triggering his stuff. Okay, believe it or not, we, and again, this doesn't make it bad, it just makes it a fact of life. And so couples that are in real, as I said before, real teamwork, real teamwork with one another. And most importantly, appreciating one another, couples that appreciate one another, their teamwork with one another, and they're in it because they want to grow as an individual both as an individual, excuse me, and as a couple, then you can work on your stuff. I'm gonna say that seems to me the best relationships are couples that have genuine appreciation and gratitude for one another. They act in teamwork capacity together. They have fun together. They know how to resolve conflicts with relative ease and they act as, did I say teamwork already? They act as team partners with one another. So you might be going, okay, how do I meet a man like this? Because you've already moved on from the guy who's pulled away, okay? He's pulled away, you've moved on, how do I meet the guy? Well, folks, I'm here to say that dating is a vetting process. It's a fact-finding mission. Many of you want to be swept off your feet. Well, how often is Prince Charming coming in and finding your glass slipper? That's a rarity. We actually have to evaluate people. We have to vet people for their capability and because we have so many influence, perceived belief with swiping and whatnot, with dating apps, we have this belief that we have all these options, we have to sift through a lot of people to find someone who's truly compatible with us. See, many human beings are seeking a transactional relationship. The transactional relationship is, I give you my time and energy and you're giving me something in return, okay? But I'm here to invite something more deeper, something more at a spiritual level. I'm inviting those of you to seek a relationship where you're actually going in with some level of intentionality, some level of consciousness, some level of really building something together to co-create something together. This is one of the reasons why I recently in one of my videos was advocating doing couples therapy early on when meeting a partner to be willing to go to a coach, a counselor, a therapist early in the dating process. But Jonathan, no guy will go for that. Think about it. What, okay, think about professions like, I don't care if you're a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant or an insurance broker, a lot of licensed professions, people that do esthetician work, we all have to do continuing education. Why aren't we being educated first on how to be in a healthy, happy relationship and doing tune-ups on a regular basis? Do you see how naive human beings are? That we almost have this arrogance that relationships should be easy instead of recognizing that interpersonal, interpersonal romantic relationships require some level of understanding beyond the surface. In fact, I wanna invite everyone, there's all the books I recommend are listed below, how to be an adult in relationship. You know, folks, I think this should be required reading before having physical intimacy with someone. I think both people should be reading this book together before physical intimacy occurs or at least have some, actually, well, at least the men reading this book, I'm gonna say something. I recognize that as women, you have a greater propensity to desire relationship commitment more so than men. I think men need to be reading this book. I'm really, I'm saying men need to do some work, so don't let them off the hook. Set a higher standard for yourself. You know what a standard is? It's not about how much money makes or how he looks or whether or not he opens the car door. Those are, you know, those are trivial standards. I'm talking about set a standard of you will not engage in physical intimacy unless you are, unless the person is willing to do couples work together. Like right from the very early on, after about, if you've been physically seeing each other, if you've gone on at least 10 dates with one another, okay, I'm gonna be bold here. You've gone on 10 dates with one another, okay? Physical face-to-face dates. And you make a, well, you make this request before your physical intimacy, but you say, hey, let's get together with a counselor somewhere between our 10th and 20th date. I know a lot of people will be turned off by this, but I want you to think about what's the real benefit of doing this? Why is this beneficial? You're already, the guys already loved you and told you how you're the most amazing woman on the planet, those first 10 dates when he's amped up on chemistry. That's the time to make every request you can possibly make. And I'm saying that a little tongue-in-cheek. See, most people find themselves in these hookups, friends with benefits, situationships, and casual relationships. And it's no wonder they're afraid to go deeper because they haven't, most of you haven't experienced a real deep, juicy, delicious relationship. I recognize that that's a challenge for us, but at the same time, setting that higher standard, setting the rules of engagement will help avoid somebody pulling away. So you don't have to go, what should I be texting a person or should I be texting a person if he's pulling away? You shouldn't even have to be asking that. You shouldn't have to be worried about who you are in relationship. You should be able to be sincere and from the heart. Because when you're sincere and from the heart, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person. You know, by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is about discernment. But it starts with the discernment within yourself. It starts by being introspective within yourself and really examining and asking yourself questions when you're in the wrong relationship, really asking yourself, what qualities about this man do I truly desire and ask yourself, is it possible that what you desire in him is because it's something lacking within yourself and that's something you can go work on on your own without needing somebody in your life. You know, we've been adopted in this belief that for example, married people are happier. God, think about the millions of divorces that happen in relationships. Are they really that happy? How many people coupled are really happy? Yes. I think there's just as many people who are single, who are happy as there are people that are married who are happy because happiness is an inner journey. That's really the goal. If a single person can be happy, that means it's an inner journey. It's not being coupled with someone else. So you don't have to worry about all this game playing that goes out on the dating marketplace. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So, should I text him if he's pulling away? No. I want you right at that moment, you notice it is be introspective in that moment. Look inward and ask yourself some deeper questions about this relationship. But I want to invite every one of you going forward, if your relationship is over and you're looking for a new relationship, then start with a better standard right from the get-go because you have a greater chance of relationship success. Again, is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below. I do my best to read them all within the first 24 hours. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And also, if you want to connect with me, there's links below to schedule a discovery call with me. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to get my dating vows to sign up to my mailing list, get all the books I recommend listed below. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrett of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now, bye-bye. Bye-bye.