jokes i told
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on
that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body
in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going
to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make
me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse
and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, it's just a sperm bank!", "I don't
care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm
samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they
are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as
well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and
says, "See honey -- it's not that hard."
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is bowled over by how
stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts
and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having
sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpes -- that's why I am here!"
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
The teenage girl asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
Dad says "Ok, but you know what you'll have to do for it"
So she starts to give him head but stops quickly and says "your d*ck tastes like shit!"
Dad says "oh, that's right; your brother has the car!"
Teen comes home one night says dad, guess what?
I lost my virginity.
Holy shit son you're a man now! Let me grab a couple beers!
wow cool dad thanks, my a** is killin me...
A young guy walks into a bar and orders 10 brandies,the barman lines them up and yg knocks them all
back one after the other,wow says barman what you celebrating?my first blowjob.really?,in that case let
me buy you another. no thanks,if 10 wont get rid of the taste,1 more wont make no difference
This lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the guy to put a tattoo of a turkey on her upper right thigh.
She goes back to the same tattoo parlor two weeks later and asks him to tattoo a picture of a Christmas
tree on her upper left thigh.
Stumped, the guy finally decides to ask her why she wants these tattoos.
She said, "I'm tired of my husband complaining every year that there is nothing to eat between
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
A man walks into a tattoo parlor and tells this lady artist he wants a tatto.She shows the designs and
he says,forget those lady,I want you to tattoo a 100 dollar bill on my c*ck!She says,that's painful and
disgusting!Why do you want me to do that for? He said,for three good reasons.Number one,I like to play
with my money.Number two,I like to watch my money grow and three my wife can blow 100 bucks in less
then 100 seconds!
What did the left leg say to the right leg? The guy in the middle is a real dick.