 Disney Plus is back again, baby! Ruining yet another childhood favorite. Sometimes, beep, beep, beep, some shows, beep, beep, beep, are better in the past. That's right, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers is a brand new movie. I hate it. If you like the last few Disney Plus exclusives, Magic Camp, Home Sweet Home Alone, Cheaper by the Dozen, then you have no reason to listen to me. You must be very easy to please, and like, pretty much everything, and I kind of envy you. Unfortunately, the years of films have made me jaded. Harsh. And now here I stand, a shell of a man broken, talking about another movie that made me hate the world even more, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers. This is another metaverse movie, because why just make a straight up Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers film with Gadget and Monterey Jack and Chip and Dale, where they just go around solving a mystery, taking on some of their classic enemies of old, right? No, we can't do that anymore because the new series of writing hacks out there only know how to make comedy based on meta jokes. So this entire film is like a shitty version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, complete with multiple references to online humor, old school random television properties, and it even sprinkles in a couple of lights swearing for good measure, because they think the target audience for this film are middle-aged individuals who grew up with Disney Afternoon, and then they're trying to swing a little bit younger. Okay, here's the plot. The movie introduces the audience to Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers as a property. It was made by Disney. It's a studio production. It features the entire cast. It was a successful TV show. The movie's treating all the Disney and Paramount and whoever other characters they got in this as actors that are licensed by studios to be in these movies and TV shows. But these characters are mostly different in real life. Dale actually doesn't like the fact that he's treated as the bumbling doofus, and he envies Chip for being the straight and narrow, sharp-minded individual on the show that the fans like more. This leads Dale at the peak of their show to go star in another one, Double-O Dale, where he's an agent. This ultimately fractures friendships, destroys the Rescue Rangers show, and to add insult to injury, the pilot of Double-O Dale didn't even get picked up. It was all for nothing. We then fast-forward to present day. Dale looks horrific. He's a CGI nightmare. He got some 3D work done. Chip has made a nice, generic life for himself as an insurance salesman, and Monterey Jack is struggling with his cheese addiction until he's inevitably kidnapped. And that's the major plot of the show. Chip and Dale have to get back together to find Monterey Jack, and hopefully salvage their friendship. I don't say this often about Disney movies, but man, is this an ugly-looking film. Instead of traditional 2D animation, which I know is more time-consuming and looks a lot better, they went with this ugly 3D cel-shaded modeling. And it is atrocious. And there's lots of up-close shots of these characters, no personality to them at all, no reflections on the eyes, just ugly as hell models. To make matters worse, the movie is a hodgepodge of different looks from anime to live-action footage, all layered on top of each other. At times, it looks okay. That's at the best. At worst, it's a nightmare. It also presents a lot of old characters in really bad lights. Peter Pan is a drunken loser. The Coca-Cola bear is like this bouncer, bad guy. And I'm not even saying that's a bad thing, but it feels really odd to put it in a Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers film. Had the movie just been called Chip and Dale even? That might have worked better. Or had it been another Who Framed Roger Rabbit or something that's more akin to this style? This just was out of place. So the story's a complete miss. The visuals are ugly beyond all belief. And the music's atrocious. Whatever music there is even, it's barely present. Because this is a metaverse movie and there's tons of references being thrown at you both in the background and in your face, once in a blue moon, it got a chuckle out of me. That's not high praise. That's just saying I watched an hour and a half film and I was entertained by it for maybe 10 seconds total. I saw the big cameo was ruined online by not just regular individuals, but major outlets within like minutes of the movie coming out. Why do people do this? Do they feel like they deserve a gold star or something by being the first to say, ah, this is in this movie. I announced it. Dude, there's people that worked on this film for a year. They knew what was going on way before you did. You're not special. It's kind of like how I used to feel cool when a song would get popular on the radio, but I'd been listening to the band like five years earlier and I'm just like, I knew about these guys a long time ago. Stop ruining stuff for people. It's pathetic. Or at least put up spoiler tags. Like I'm not gonna even tell you who's in this in case you didn't see. It's kind of funny. I think they did it in the laziest way possible by what he's called and whatnot. But still, it's okay. This is of course operating under the impression you're gonna even watch this movie. I wouldn't. I did, but if I were you, if I were a person that respected myself more, steer away. As for the theater experience, while I watched this one at home on Disney Plus, of course, it was with my son. My wife checked out. She fell asleep about 20 minutes in. To be fair, we were up late the night before. I kept her up late the night before. We were doing a marathon of Schitt's Creek. My 13-year-old daughter had no interest. She went into a room and watched Attack on Titan or some shit. And my son made it through, but he said afterwards he didn't really like it. I always let him give me the first impression because he's a kid and he's still, for some reason, respects me as a father. So whatever I say he's just going to agree with. So he always says, "'Dad, would you think of the movie?' And then I turn to him and say, "'Well, what did you think first?' And then he'll let me know his honest opinions and then we go from there." It's not a situation where he says, "'Dad, what did you think of the movie?' And I say, oh, let me tell you." Pull down the green screen, turn the lights on. Here's what I thought about Chippendale Rescue Rangers. Would it have been too much to ask to just make a Chippendale Rescue Rangers movie with classic 2D animation and some actual budget behind this property, Disney? You have the money and you would have drawn people in. I'm thinking of Rescuers Down Under. I'm thinking some of the classics where there was actual talent and a heart put into the film. You could have even done an Emperor's New Groove-style animation. I would have looked fantastic. It's simple enough. It's light. It's got the comedy. I love that film. I didn't like this. I hated this. There's no reason for it to exist. Let me know if you watched it. If you wasted your time, give me a comment below. Maybe you just loved all the references and that's all you needed. Fine, fine. That doesn't do it for me. Having like some Thundercats thing or like a Power Glove from Nintendo. I don't think either of those were in this, but I'm just using examples of the kind of crap, the kind of lazy stuff that they can do. Let's put a Nike shoe on a table in the background. People know Nike shoes. Anyway, let me know in the comments below. Like the video if you had some fun. Feel free to subscribe if you haven't. I post tons of movie and TV show related content each and every week and hopefully I'll see you next time. Since you made it to the bumper, I will also point out the best scene in the entire film was by far the end credit with one of my favorite animated characters from Disney Afternoon showing up. He only gives a couple lines of dialogue, but that was enough. That was enough for me to say it's time to bring him back. I want more.