 Good evening church family and welcome to our moments with Pastor David and Marie and what a joy it is to see you church family. And I always want to introduce Pastor and Marie. How are you guys? We're good. Good. Thank you. Good. Things are changing rapidly, huh pastor? As we last time we spoke, now we're at the beginning of a new phase with our church and we'll be beginning this Sunday and what are your thoughts on our return and mostly what are your thoughts with the response that we're anticipating from the people? Well my response, the way I'm thinking of returning is kind of like with mixed feelings. Obviously I look forward to it. I'd say Marie and I both look forward to being able to resume live services. We've missed being with our people and I've missed the just the connection that we have teaching online as I've been doing is and has an impersonal kind of feel and so I look forward to having some living listeners you know other than my staff who have to listen because I'll fire them if they don't. But I'm looking forward to that. I'd say we both are. On the other hand, I realize that there are quite a number of people who are afraid that the press has the media has inundated them with one fear after another. This is not to say that some of the things that have been said, excuse me, are not accurate. I'm certain that much of what has been said has an accuracy to it. But there seems to have been not just a reporting of news but a shaping of views that was taking place that I think anybody who isn't blind would see. And so in presenting this virus in the way that they have in such a way that they have, it's caused a lot of those who are very trusting of the media, very believing that there's no reason that they would give to them a view that is slanted in a political sense. It's given many of them pause and many are afraid, especially the older ones. And the older ones in our fellowship are more vulnerable as it seems that the data and sciences has stated and I think in that I can trust that because I'm hearing that from both sides of the aisle, from the conservatives as well as those that would be considered more liberal. They're saying that there are certain things that we older people should be aware of and I have been. But at the same time I think that has put a spirit of fear into a lot of people. So what am I expecting? I'm expecting to be here. Marie has to be here. So we're expecting to be here and I don't want to put the Lord in a box. God does things abundantly above all I could ask or think. But if I were to tell you what I've been hearing from all of my pastor friends, I haven't heard a single one say anything different than this. They're all saying that initially people are not showing up at church even though the doors are open and the green light has been given. That the churches have been infected with fear to the degree that the members of the church will not come and there are members of the church who are leaving the church because the pastor opened the doors and thus he must not love anybody because he's opening the doors and that shows he's more ambitious and he wants his bills paid and he doesn't care about people. So what that does at least in the way that I see things is it reveals the heart of the congregation. If you can't believe your pastor, if you couldn't believe when you were there you shouldn't go back anyway, right? I mean if you think he's lying to you and using you to further some agenda he has then why are you there in the first place? If you're not getting fed the word of God, if you're not walking out feeling closer to Christ and desire to be more with Jesus through his ministry then why are you there in the first place? So I do expect people to not show up. I do expect people to have underlying physical conditions that do not permit them to show up. I've already received emails from beloved members of our church who really want to be here but because their physical condition right now doesn't allow I don't want them to feel any guilt at all for not being here. That's why we're going to continue online services. We'll continue doing things online for their benefit but as for us we're going to follow all the CDC guidelines. I think we've even gone beyond the guidelines in terms of our preparation. We will have our ushers prepared to encourage people to follow the safe distancing rules and we will have the sanitation possible and all of those things and if people want to know what we're going to do just go online. You can see us what we're going to do as is listed on our page and I'm sure you'll share some things before we close but on my personal page that I have my Facebook page, the church page, the church webpage and various things like Instagram and all of that we're trying to get the word out. So we'll have 830 and 1045 AM services. We will not have child care provided for the first probably several Sundays that we're back. We will have outside seating that's prepared for families. We'll have overflow prepared in the event that people show up in a greater number than we assume. We are I believe as prepared as we can be and from that perspective I'm looking forward to seeing our people. I'm looking forward to and I know Marie's feeling the same way. I'm just looking forward to it and this Sunday's second service I'll be dedicating my grandson Jackson. That's going to be cool. Yeah he's a beautiful little guy. Yeah he's a sweet baby huh? Very sweet. So we're looking forward to dedicating Jackson. Jackson David I should say. He's named after his papa and some guy named Jackson. I think he had five friends or something. I'm not sure. So Church Family it's a great opportunity for us to come out and see the baby dedication that will be sweet. So that's a good plug. And I should say this on Father's Day we're going to be dedicating Elena and Elena is my son David's baby girl who was named after Marie. That's my middle name right? I was named after my aunt Marie Elena. So Church Family come on out. And she's a beautiful baby girl. She's a doll. Oh she's not teeny. She's a little chub. She's a little chub but teeny to me though. I see Jackson I saw him yesterday and hit those eyes. Just those eyes just looking at him. Handsome. Handsome boy. Doesn't look like us at all. Well you know I want to transition to what we spoke about last time. We spoke about communication within the marriage and we went at lengths to speak on how communication can either encourage, discourage, build up or destroy a marriage. Pastor and Marie if you want to add to this when a marriage is struggling where communication has now really become argumentative it's been discouraging or attacking another person's character. How does a couple then now show the love and the respect that for one another that Paul instructs in Ephesians chapter 5? I don't believe it's communication when you're attacking people. I think that communication is deeper than that. Genuine communication isn't using language and words to to assault somebody especially if you actually love them. So the first thing I'd say is that they're not communicating at all because if that man or that woman feels that the best way to speak to their mate is to demean them or threaten them or whatever they're not they're not communicating and that's that's the biggest problem. So communication as we've been speaking about it together is not just hearing the words but it's understanding the feelings behind the words and it's the seeking out the meaning of those words. It's like learning foreign language and I don't know another way to put it and I think it's a good way to put it is learning the language of that person and that means that you have to look beyond the words that are being used to the meanings of the words. What does he or she mean which he says that and that's where a lot of people I think fall down and that's where they have their problems. It's because they're not willing to take the time and sacrifice the ego to learn what they're saying and then sometimes if that person uses a word that is not correct or perhaps is saying something that they intended to say something different but they said this then that's where these people very often people who are argumentative very often just wanting to win an argument and not be concerned about that person that's where they they'll latch on to that word that they just use and then they'll they'll say well you you said this and then they want to make that their hill that they fight and die on which is stupid I mean to be honest with you right it's a really dumb thing I mean this is a person that you say you love but you don't want to understand what they mean so it's a lot of dying to self it's a lot of caring about somebody else it's a lot of patiently listening with the intent to learn it's the studying of that person to to to learn their language to to learn what they're saying and and over time what happens John is is you begin to to see well that word means this to this person it may not mean that to me I have a different view of that but it doesn't matter what it means to me what matters is what it means to them and how that fits into us and so that's how Marie and I over the years I would say that's how how we've learned that's how I've learned with my wife I'll speak in a personal level that's how I've learned my wife is what language is she speaking about you know you know we joke about this but some women can't tell you something directly so they'll say uh does that belong there you know right does that belong there um and you'll go it's been fine with me for as long and then you learn oh she's saying I don't want that there and there are all those little silly things that we joke about but they're real they are very real so I learned and I've learned over time some of her love language that a question very often is a statement you know and and what do you want to do is very often what do you want to do that I want to do so you learn that right right what do you want to eat which is another way of me saying and what are you hungry for see so you that's true it's learning it's learning the language you know me I'm a plains kind of speaking person I usually I would think don't hide behind words I usually just say what I'm thinking my girl on the other hand you know I had to learn what she meant and then she's plain speaking in her own way I just had to learn what her way was and so what is that that's work it takes a lot of work excuse me because we're always when we're dating we're always wearing our best we're always being the best we can be the most polite the most patient the most warm most loving the most caring yes I mean you know because we we men and this may be generalization but I'm I'm thinking is there's truth to it we like to be presented as hunters and we are in many ways we we have that instinct if you will that built-in hunt conquer and take for yourself and we do so what do we do the best hunters learn how the prey you know where they're going to be what do they do what do they like they they spend a lot of time well as they hunt them as they discover these things about them they say the things that they want to say and all to win them I think that's that's wrong I think that's that's it's not right when you have a real relationship but that's a matter of fact that people do that and what you have to do is you have to realize what you're doing and begin to actually ask yourself questions which is take take some work I had to learn to do this where the questions are real not so I can find a way to have power over her or manipulate her or to use something on her later on because she disclosed something to me but so that I might love her better so that I might understand her better so I might know what she means when she says this because my girl does that with me and and we've been together a long time and you know just just was it today or yesterday she's this is how she says I want you to buy some new new pants I did today today I said I can't wait till this is over with and we're gonna go you're gonna need to buy some pants but that's not how she said it no how she said it was these pants are really faded yes it was exactly so that's her way of saying and I said to her oh so you want me to get some other pants and she goes I can't hardly wait until I've been looking at these faded pants and she's standing there doing the wash right that you learn those things because as a man I say I can still put them on they still feel good I've been I've been wearing these for years I say to myself I haven't gained weight they're very they're very faded in these new ones and stuff like that bottom line you learn the language so all that you know the destructive talk to communication from what I'm hearing you say pastor is it takes work and it takes effort and it takes diligence to put that time into really learn the language of our spouses or or one another which really requires dying to self because I think one of the things that happens is that there's this destructive part that's there that is looking for the the fuel or the word to latch onto and and it just goes from there and it's a it's a crazy cycle it just then starts you know circling and then there's no respect there's no love there's no respect there's no love and it just goes down and I think taking that component out dying to self and really looking to how can I learn my wife you have to lover you have to lover John I learned I learned that the the tongue is a piercing instrument it's a sword and the more you know of the person the more you have on that person you know the more they disclose of their heart to you and their their their sorrows and things that cause them pain those all become weapons their arrows you know and you can use them later on you and and and I I did in our early days because I fought dirty you know I fought dirty because you don't want to lose the fight so you're going to win it at all costs and and so at the beginning and again we didn't fight a lot I'm not going to pretend that we did we didn't but when we got into a disagreement in our early days I would go straight to the arsenal you know straight to the arsenal you know because I'm gonna I'm gonna win this fight quickly I'm not gonna I'm not gonna mess with you that's that was my attitude we're gonna just get this over you want to go there this is what you just that's how I was and and just direct and and and Marie could get hurt and I'd say you know what you deserve it you know that's my attitude and I'm not talking about last week or last month or last year a 10 or 20 or even 30 years ago it's beyond that it's when we first began together and as a husband and a wife when I didn't know how to lead so what I did is I just used the tactics that that I used before I was saved I used the tactics that I would use when I argued with anybody I'd go straight to the jugular and and and that's it it's over you can't win this argument with me and Marie is a very gentle spirit and for her she didn't want to argue so it was like I eventually God just broke my heart and he really did he broke my heart over how are you treating my daughter and that's my little girl that's a very real story I've told you yes that's a very real story because honestly didn't I honestly didn't realize what I was doing I was just fighting the way that I that I would fight in an argument that's all I was doing and I came from a a family that was very direct and so I just added the emotional aspect to it and that that's has to stop that had to stop with me and and and you have to love that person and and I finally realized and you know and I feel like I've done all right for a long time yes but but I'm serious I had to realize that in in this whole world there's only one person that is important to me to the point I'll lay my life down instantly and it was my wife my babies of course are under that umbrella but Marie's very first and I had to realize that and laying down your life is not necessarily taking a bullet or an arrow for her laying down your life is is is ceasing being the dominating bully who who who has to win every engagement and laying down your life is learning to die to yourself so that she may be blasting and that she may know she's loved and even though there's a difference between us right now that she has the the awareness that will work this through I'm not I'm not I'm not going to go to the point of hurting you simply because I'm bothered by something you said or did that I had to learn to do that John and and it all comes down to what we call love loving her loving her if Christ loved the church he gave himself for her why can't I bite my tongue shut up and listen to her heart why can't I why can't I let her feel what she feels why can't I receive her as she is why do I have to make her into what I want her to be so I can control her more easily why can't I value her for who she is I chose her as a woman that I said I will love forever and now I'm trying to change you into something I want that's different no the Lord had to teach me those things because what I have with my wife you know I have to tell you and you know I hope every husband can say this there's no one else why would I not treasure and cherish this woman because she's the best that God had for me why wouldn't I do that so yeah you have to learn to die to yourself you need to learn to bite your tongue to shut up to listen to her words and just a lover love bears all things and love covers all things all sins and and and that's what you do because Marie and I will say this we can say this each one of us at the end of the day we chose us we chose us and in order for us to remain I have to die to myself and she does too for herself that's how we do it pastor you mentioned something in this dialogue recently you said you didn't know how to lead that's key I think a lot of marriages where we see a lot of this going on the man doesn't know how to lead can you shed a little bit more light on what that is not knowing how to lead I believe that the best way a man can lead his wife is to begin by teaching her the word or being with her in the word of God to make an agreement that whatever God's word says we too will do see when it becomes just John saying this to your wife and now it's going to be living you fighting each other over what you're saying but if you guys get into God's word together and you agree we're going to do what the Lord teaches us then the fight's not going to be between you and her the fight's going to be between you and the Lord and and when you're in the word together and you say let's agree to do this so that comes to reading and studying having devotions going to church together and Murray in my case over the years we've had the word of God that has has was at the beginning the thing that drew us together yes but it's the word of God that has kept us together and so I don't quote scriptures to her and say you need to do this thus say the Lord because Maria knows the scriptures my wife knows the scriptures I simply have to say you know this is what we need to do together and and so at a certain point in your marriage you've been together in the word for so long John that what happens is all I need to do is say you know and she'll do the same by the way in the way that we speak we will refer to something we know in scripture and that's you you know as I'm thinking out loud because I never think of these things I would say and I think I'm speaking for us Maria my life is pretty thoroughly imbued with scripture maybe maybe not every word in word and word verbatim but the the error what do you call it the aura the the atmosphere of it's our backdrop so we know what love is we know to love God we know to love each other and if this doesn't fit into loving God and loving each other then it's something we need to talk about how does that work for us and that's your foundation everything in life has to have the foundation and that's our foundation which has been scripture Marie and I have been together since 1974 75 we've been together a long time and she's heard a lot of Bible studies I've given I've I've given about 8,000 or more Bible studies John and Marie has heard a lot of Bible studies a lot of conferences every day and I can say this before the Lord Marie and I every day talk about the Lord in one form or another she shared something she read in her devotions she'll come and hear me teach the word I'll speak to her about every day and it's not just on a Wednesday and and a Sunday it's a seven days a week 365 days a year 40 plus years that's what it's been and so that's our atmosphere and so we can't sin against the Lord without knowing we have we can't and so we together say what he says me and my house we will serve the Lord and so if Marie if Marie at all well she doesn't have to you know honestly she doesn't because if I do something wrong one the Holy Spirit tells me pretty quickly but two if I sense that I've done something she doesn't even have to tell me I'll say you know what I gotta watch myself you know I'm sorry that's how we are so we don't we don't we don't have to wrestle you did this no I didn't you did this no I didn't we really don't do that we did that in the early days but eventually I said you know what and a lot rests on me my wife is a very gentle tender-hearted woman if we wanted to argue John I have to pick the fight it's the truth it's the truth she doesn't pick fights with me she doesn't she doesn't create tensions for me like that I do not bear that I do not have a wife who disrespects me Mo Marie does not disrespect me never does never does would never speak to me without respect she just doesn't that's why if she went to heaven you know before me I'll never remarry there's only one person like her on the face of the planet and I wouldn't want anybody else I wouldn't want anybody else because she knows me and I know her and and my heart that's safely trust in her it really does and so she knows me the way nobody knows me she knows me in the way that a man should be known by a woman she does and I've tried to get to know her that way and the key for her and I speak for her because because I do mostly speaking in her family anyway but the key for her and I know I'm speaking for her when I say this is all I need to do is love her that's all I need to do if I love her everything's fine and it is it is thank god thank god you know when you're speaking of the how the lord and scripture is woven to the fabric of your marriage what would you say to those who are and I hear a lot a lot of times who say you know it I'm gonna build our foundation on the word of god on Christ and it seems like it's just a trial run and then oftentimes there can be the wife who's like oh now you're gonna be super spiritual all of a sudden you know there's no room to grow there may be times where they're just given this the the fabric of the scripture and Christ and all that that makes the foundation of a good marriage as if it's a trial run and well it didn't work for me so I'm going to and they go on with this marriage that supposedly is in Christ and and I hear this when I'm working with families and couples have some baby you know like Marie when when a woman says well you know are all of a sudden you're super spiritual now oh now you want to bring God into the marriage and you know that can be discouraging for the well it is it is discouraging I think that's a foolish thing answer to say don't tell your husband frankly if he's seeking to to to mend the marriage what a what a blessing that is that he would want to work on his marriage and I think sometimes you have to put aside all those other things that you've got in your mind that the enemy has given you to say well he didn't do this he did that oh he did that and well he went out with he went out on you know all these things she were not to throw I would not throw those things in a man's face especially when he wants his marriage and he wanting to get together his marriage in the ways of the Lord I think that's very disrespectful John I and I I think that she needs to go to the Lord and she needs to seek out what she needs to do for him you know I you know and and because she's not right in this you know you want the two you want the couple to be able to both work together in and loving each other and encouraging each other in the ways of and living for the Lord you know living for the Lord I mean if you can't do it right now for you know for your husband live for the Lord because you know what if you're living for the Lord you eventually come around and look for your husband because God shows you you know how we are how we are as you read his word how we to behave um in a woman who who um bashes a husband it's it's very humiliating I've seen women bash their husband in front and in front of people and it's very humiliating and it makes her look bad too it's makes her look and it damages the marriage really damn it damages the marriage it really does I I don't I don't understand that I don't and you know what comes from that and I hear this and I'm just basing these things on on these questions from the things I see in observation you know when they're when there's this communication breakdown there there's no diligence in wanting to learn the language of one another and not laying down your own life for the for the wife for the life of the other whether it's a husband or the wife so often and so quickly we start hearing the word divorce thrown around as if it's a viable option what do you think about what do you guys think about that I believe very strongly that the today's quote unquote Christian has less ethical understanding of of marriage if you will than atheists why do I say that because I saw a study done that that said that evangelical Christians divorce at a quicker rate than atheists so what do I think I think that they don't believe God I don't I think they don't believe the word of God they don't believe in the power of God they don't believe that God can actually work miracles they don't read this the scriptures so they don't know God's word you know and what they're doing is they're simply saying this is what my heart tells me and I feel this and I'm not happy and you know I didn't get my trophy everybody gets a trophy in life I should get my trophy you know and I'm not you know I'm I'm not happy things like that where's the Bible say that you're supposed to be happy I mean that's an interesting thing you know we're blessed we're blessed in the things of the Lord but the pursuit of happiness is not a guarantee of happiness and you don't get that's in a guarantee in scripture that you're going to be happy I've shared this in the church you know there's happy happiness simply as a derivative of the word happenings and happiness is something that is basically based on circumstances and situations if something's good today I'm happy if something's not good today I'm not happy my circumstances make me happy or not happy but what we have in Christ is joy and and and people don't understand the power of the Spirit the gifts of the Spirit the fruit of the Spirit they don't understand the word of God the promises of God and all of this but very very often and you know this you do a lot of marital counseling I that's what I did for the longest time and I discovered very early that the couples who are coming with problems are not in fellowship they're not in prayer they're not in the word of God they don't serve the Lord they're not in God's word at all they and then they come in telling me can you help me fix my marriage when in fact you've ruined it when and you think that an hour of conversation that you are not going to listen to because you came in make it up your mind that you're going to get a divorce or you're going to remain unhappy you think I can convince you you are not open to it that's why Jesus said that Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of your heart and that's the problem in divorce it's is that people will come in their minds already made up they're looking for the door to get out of you know I married her because it was in God's permissive will but God has a perfect will for me and and I'll find the right one this was the wrong one I was in the flesh when I married her and and all these hyper spiritual garbage excuses when in fact God says to the the children of Israel in the book of ala malachi he says you you know God hates divorce and they don't they see it as an option you know and um we lived in a time when society we grew up Marie and I grew up in a time when society was opposed to easy divorce that's right and the part of what kept you together was that there was a a frown that society gave to you because they knew the value of family they knew that if you if you destroyed the families in the community you destroy a nation they knew that because there was a time in this in this America that we live in today that marriage actually mattered and so you had the church that was teaching strongly remain married you had laws government had had had passed that said we will not give you a no fault easy divorce and you had oaths to God through the church that you made where you said I will love you till the day that either you place me in the arms of Jesus or I place you in his arms I will love you till death do us part and my promise was not to to Marie alone it wasn't to the witness it wasn't to that that pastor it was a God and because I don't fear God and I want pleasure more than than God I will do whatever makes me happy that's the sickness that we have today it's a sin thing and so if people actually took their vows seriously if they said with God all things are possible I can be a new creation I can forgive the things that have been done and we can move on together you wouldn't see the divorces but because you think oh there's uh there's you know the grass is green on the other side of this fence they forget that you have to mow that grass too you know it has to be taken care of right I mean it always looks more pleasant when it's a distance away but that's what you thought when you asked that girl out as a man you looked at her and you said I'd like to take her out and that's what you thought when you thought to yourself I'd like to give her a kiss and that was what you thought when you said one day I want to be with her forever what changed what changed what happened what happened what happened is you didn't get your happiness you found out she's a human being the way you are and you think you're perfect that you don't put you don't make her upset you think that she doesn't have a wish list with you you got to be kidding so two sinners got married and they've got to work it out and with god all things are possible and they can be a testimony of god's grace or they can live in sin call it grace and get married again to somebody and destroy their lives too because you're an unrepentant sinner who doesn't want to deal with sin if somebody says if my wife sins against me I have options and if somebody says I have no you have options I can release her if she said forgive me I release her debt because that's what forgiveness literally means to release someone from a debt I release your debt I release it because there's something greater than me right now feeling good and that it's that is honoring god honoring our vows caring for our children and moving forward and we can do that we can do that and I just think john it's just too easy to get a divorce seems like sometimes go ahead Marie they're too selfish yes both of them you know it's selfish it's all about me and it isn't it isn't all about me it's it's us it is about us you know encouraging one another I mean women need to encourage their husbands find something if they find something to encourage them but encourage them oftentimes they're out there working in the workplace and I know the women some are doing that too but they come home we we don't know what their day's been like and they need somebody when they come home to encourage them or have their dinner ready oh but I have my dinner ready I have the feather out livy feeds me grapes oh well one of our fights that I got into with Marie was the fact she didn't peel my grape I was really upset or to cherish one another that that is a commandment to cherish one another from the Lord and and a woman needs to look at her husband what can I cherish what what can I see that's so good about him start thinking that way what are the things how can I encourage him men need encouragement from a woman as well as women need to be encouraged you know loved by their husbands we need their encouragement we need to be loved and and and as well our husbands need to be loved and encouraged he goes back to what you were both saying about you're saying pastor about the vows I think so easy today the vow that we make before the Lord isn't sacred as it needs to be or it should be in it and it's almost a it's almost one of these things where the vows should say well for better for worse for happiness or not you know they take it's almost taken in that sense or if it doesn't work I can divorce you and find somebody else you know they've allowed these conditions to creep into the holy sacred vows to the Lord well if you don't feel if I don't feel this way then I'm going to and you know what that goes to my next question is is and it's a it's a rhetorical question I know the answer we all know the answer but I see it so common is not having good communication grounds for divorce of course not you know Jesus never said that nowhere in the Old Testament nor in the New Testament is to say well if you guys don't communicate well you can always find somebody you can communicate with so of course not people are always looking for for ways to to to get out of their covenant you know they they look for loopholes you know the Pharisees were very good at seeking loopholes and you know when they ministered during their day when they when they taught during their day they were always looking for loopholes ways to get out of something you know you know the Sabbath law says that I can carry something a certain of a certain distance how can I stretch that distance oh well they they they made a judgment that anything that was my possession actually became my household it could be like looked at as like my house and so before Shabbat I would go out and I would put something that was mine in a certain location and that became my residence and so I could actually map out all through the city a route with my possessions and thus I could find a way to get around what the law said the Pharisees were very good at that during the time of Christ and that's why Jesus would say you know that they're hypocrites because they were teaching men uh the command they were teaching others the commandments of men and not honoring the commandments of God because they were finding loopholes and everything and that's what people still to this day do John well oh I love Jesus you know and I don't want sound like I'm mocking but this is actually what I hear oh I love Jesus you know it's just I don't get along with her how can you and John you're right John says to him how can you love the invisible God you know how can you love a God whom you do not see and hate your brother whom you do see he in other words that is not possible the way that I show love for God is loving those who were created in his image and if Jesus is saying to me to love my neighbor as myself well who is my neighbor well my wife is my neighbor so if I'm to love my neighbor as Christ loved the church and I love her with the same intensity and the same devotion and the same care that I show to myself then maybe that means I need to die to myself in order that she may blossom and then here it is here's the secret when my wife is blossoming because she's loved deeply she loves in return and as this girl is loved and cherished and and she knows it then whatever makes me a happy man especially when she's in the word in prayer led by the spirit whatever she knows makes me happy is something she wants to do and sometimes it's it's difficult like there are there are foods that I like that John it takes a long time to make you know I know one for sure my chili yes with the white sauce oh yes yes and that's an all day thing it is so I don't ask her for that very often but if I say to her a couple times in the week because the first time she ignores but if I say that and a couple times her in the week I'll know that that she's going to take a date to make me my favorite meal I know she is you know and so I don't ever ask for it I don't ever ask for it and that that also secures it because sometimes on her own just she did this just a couple weeks ago she I came home she says I'm making you chili rellenos and I said oh I've died and gone to heaven the third heaven that's because she knew that that something I had wanted you know that's the little thing that's silly some people think oh come on give me something real that is real you know if if I die to myself if I try to make her like the happiest I can make it the best that I can make it which I try she appreciates that and that's key that's that's the secret that you it's not really a secret that's the key of that's love and when you're and when you're fighting with one another your children see that and they're going to pick up we're just talking about this and that's where they learn right that's where they learn to see well that's how we treated mama that's how she treated that's how they define words yeah and sometimes they grow up thinking well I could get married and then if I don't like this person I can just divorce it it's not a big deal look at my parents we've seen plenty of them yeah exactly plenty of them what would you guys say to those in and uh and we'll wrap up with this this question here allowing the outside influences come into a marriage for example allowing a parent to have a lot of say into the marriage or having a stepchildren or a ex-wife or when the the wife is turning into a mom or the husband's turning into the dad we we spoke a little bit about that and how that can really come in and cause a wedge in the marriage allow those outside influences come in what would you say to speaking to that do you want me to speak I never allowed that you know I I know that the two shall become one flesh and I also know that when you get married that the family comes along with the bride or the husband I I realize that you know and I love my in-laws I I loved my father-in-law you went home to be with the Lord number of years ago I loved my mother-in-law who's still with us very much I love my brothers Marie's brothers I love them like they're my brothers I love her sisters like they're my sisters so in many ways I don't know how they feel about me but I know how I feel about them and I love them I love them like they're my own and Marie loved my mama and loved my dad and and loves my sisters you know with Oliver Hart I mean she calls them sissy they love each other yeah so we have that within us but will I allow them to come between us is a different thing the answer is no no because I didn't marry her family I married her you know and so all along I have protected our family in that way from the very beginning from when Marie and I were newlywed and my mom was very open and sharing her feelings and all and our family's that way it's a trait you know we're open with our feelings mama was I am but she tried to share with me about my wife you know and the very first time she ever said something to me like well I want to tell you about Marie I said that's my mom I said that's that's no you're not going there with me this is my wife and I'll take care of whatever my family business is and you're not welcome in I mean I was very plain with her you're not going to talk to me about my wife and if you have any issues mom you need to talk to her because she's the one you have issues with not me and I was very plain spoken again when I was in my early 20s I still am at my age but I had to be because I knew that someone could drive a wedge if they were given opportunity and that's where a big problem is I have counseled people in this church because the mother of the bride very often some other the bride very often you know I don't like the way he's treating my little girl though I have seen very often where the the husband's mom doesn't want to relinquish your her precious baby I've seen that plenty too and when I think about it I would say it's more common for the mother of the of the son to cause problems in the family I would I would say that because you didn't you didn't make the food the way I used to you my husband my son likes that I've seen that and so I've had people ask me how do I deal with it and I've said you know well you're you're not babies anymore it's not like I'm talking to an eight-year-old or nine-year-old you're married you've got children do you think it's time for you to sit down with mom and dad and say listen please give us some room to be ourselves we love you and all but we're not going to put up with this and whenever mama my mama my mama would do this on occasion would try and break into my family on occasion she tried to I always would put a stop to it I'd say I'd look I remember one time real remember this mom came in was telling we're at my parents house my mom said something to me and I looked at you and I said it's time to go and and Marie starts to pack her thing I mean instantly starts getting her things and my dad says settle down settle down tells my mom to calm down and butt out basically and that's how it was it's it's just I I I I believe strongly in uh it's the two that became one I do not believe that it's the two plus mom dad and and uncle so-and-so has got good advice to you you know I don't buy into that because that's not how it's supposed to be so it begins with just Marie and me now if we talk and say you know I'm gonna ask your mom something I maybe we ought to ask dad something together we would and so I could go and say hey daddy you know I'm thinking about this but I've already brought it up to Marie I've said honey you know my dad knows something about this you mind if I talk to him and that's just out of respect for us because it's whatever I decide is going to affect her so I'm not going to have my dad stepping in soon if I were you or my mom well honey you need to with my mom did you know you need to this this and that or you you know my son Mike's and and Marie's just a very good woman who just kind of she respects her elders I had to step in you know most of the time I'm sure you had your moments with mommy but I had to step in mom was real strong she really was she was but she was sweet she meant well she always meant well she was sweet she did she always not my mom but I I know I I could tell you I know I I would I wouldn't know when she was trying to communicate with me it was obvious it was obvious yeah well the other hand my mom was quiet just a quiet my mom and dad were pretty quiet weren't they yes they were pretty quiet well you guys thank you so much for this time that I really appreciated it because you gave some practical insight to some of the things that can come into the marriage and really bring destruction to the marriage it can really bring despair and you know we have we have people in our church couples that are hurting that need practical guidance and practical wisdom that I think was offered up today so I appreciate that and I'm sure our church family does appreciate it it is hard to be in a fight with someone you're in the word with an emperor that's true yes that's what it goes down to that's a great and that's what it comes down to when you're in the word with an emperor with that's hard how can you get into god's word and then fight immediately afterwards so if you decide let's read pray together every day your marriage changes and let's do what god says and it's a radical change oh absolutely absolutely and you don't want your children to become you yes you want them to be better than you you want them to to live lives godly lives with people who love them and you need to show them the example and sometimes you got to keep your mouth shut ladies you know absolutely that is so key I mean oh eve opened her mouth didn't she she did she opened her mouth and let's not let's not be eaves and I think it's important when the when the husband does want to lead that the wife is supportive of it and in vice versa when when the wife wants to share that the husband supportive of of her wanting to share and pastor you you both hit it on the head praying in in god's word there's no I mean it's as laid out as much as possible I mean how clear can it be if you agree to do what the lord says you're fine yes you know somebody wrote on the internet recently I thought it was funny but there's truth to it they said seeing that you believe everything you read why not read your bible right yeah yeah so amen to that you guys thank you and one thing church family as pastor mentioned we do have information on our church website on all our social media platforms on the guidelines laid out by the cdc per our governor's statement on reopening the church so if you have any questions or want some more information on that go to our website you'll see it right there as you open it up and there will be a link to click click on as well that open up another page with more information on that and we do look forward to seeing you we do look forward to having our church family come out in and be a part of our our worship and so anything you guys like to say in closing well we love you we look forward to seeing you on sunday and I won't be kissing any we can't wait we can't wait for sunday god bless you god bless we love you church family god bless you