 CHAPTERS 33 AND 34 of Don Quixote, Vol. 2 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Don Quixote, Vol. 2 by Miguel de Cervantes Cervedra, translated by John Ormsby, chapters 33 and 34. CHAPTER 33 of the delectable discourse which the Duchess and her damsels held with Sancho Ponsa, well worth reading and noting. The history records that Sancho did not sleep that afternoon, but in order to keep his word came, before he had well done dinner, to visit the Duchess, who, finding enjoyment in listening to him, made him sit down beside her on the low seat, though Sancho, out of pure good breeding, wanted not to sit down. The Duchess, however, told him he was to sit down as governor, and talk as squire. As in both respects, he was worthy of even the chair of the Sid Rudeas, the compiador. Sancho shrugged his shoulders, obeyed and sat down, and all the Duchess's damsels and duenas gathered round him, waiting in profound silence to hear what he would say. It was the Duchess, however, who spoke first, saying, Now that we are alone, and there is nobody here to overhear us, I should be glad if the senior governor would relieve me of certain doubts I have, rising out of the history of the great Don Quixote that is now in print. One is, in as much as worthy Sancho never saw a Dulcenia, I mean the Lady Dulcenia del Toboso, nor took Don Quixote's letter to her, for it was left in the memorandum book in the Sierra Morena, how did he dare to invent the answer, and all that about finding her sifting wheat, the whole story being a deception and falsehood, and so much to the prejudice of the peerless Dulcenia's good name, a thing that is not at all becoming the character and fidelity of a good squire. At these words, Sancho, without uttering one in reply, got up from his chair, and with noiseless steps, with his body bent and his finger on his lips, went all round the room lifting up the hangings, and this done he came back to his seat and said, Now, Signora, that I have seen that there is no one except the bystanders listening to us on the sly, I will answer what you have asked me, and all you may ask me, without fear or dread. And the first thing that I have got to say is that for the most part I hold my master Don Quixote to be stark mad, though sometimes he says things that, to my mind, and indeed everybody's that listens to him, are so wise and run in such a straight furrow that Satan himself could not have said them better. But for all that, really, and beyond all question, it's my firm belief that he is cracked. Until then, as this is clear to my mind, I can venture to make him believe things that have neither head nor tail, like that affair of the answer to the letter, and that other of six or eight days ago, which is not yet in history, that is to say, the affair of the enchantment of my Lady Dulcinea. For I made him believe she is enchanted, though there is no more truth to it than over the hills of Ubeda. The Duchess begged him to tell her about the enchantment or deception, so Sancho told the whole story exactly as it had happened, and his hearers were not a little amused by it. And then, resuming, the Duchess said, in consequence of what worthy Sancho has told me, a doubt starts up in my mind, and there comes a kind of whisper to my ear that says, if Don Quixote be mad, crazy, and cracked, and Sancho Panza, his squire, knows it, and notwithstanding serves and follows him, and goes trusting to his empty promises, there can be no doubt he must be still madder and sillier than his master. And that being so, it will be cast in your teeth, Signora Duchess. If you give the said Sancho an island to govern, for how will he who does not know how to govern himself know how to govern others? By God, Signora, said Sancho, but that doubt comes timely, but your grace may say it out and speak plainly, or as you like, for I know what you say is true, and if I were wise I should have left my master long ago. But this was my fate, this was my bad luck, I can't help it, I must follow him. We're from the same village, I've eaten his bread, I'm fond of him, I'm grateful, he gave me his ascolts, and above all I'm faithful, so it's quite impossible for anything to separate us, except the pickaxe and shovel. And if your highness does not like to give me the government you promised, God made me without it, and maybe you're not giving it to me will be all the better for my conscience. For full as I am, I know the proverb, to her hurt, the ant got wings, and it may be that Sancho the squire will get to heaven sooner than Sancho the governor. And they make as good bread here as in France, and by night all cats are gray, and a hard case enough his who hasn't broken his fast at two in the afternoon, and there's no stomach a hand's breadth bigger than another, and the same can be filled with straw or hay as the saying is, and the little birds of the field have God for their purveyor and caterer. And four yards of Cusena Frise keep one warmer than four of Segovia broadcloth, and when we quit this world and are put underground the prince travels by as narrow a path as the journeyman, and the pope's body does not take up more feet of earth than the sacristons, for all that the one is higher than the other. For when we go to our graves, we all pack ourselves up and make ourselves small, or rather they pack us up and make us small in spite of us, and then good night to us. And I say once more, if your ladyship does not like to give me the island because I am a fool, like a wise man I will take care to give myself no trouble about it. I have heard say that behind the cross there is the devil, and that all that glitters is not gold, and that from among the oxen and the plows, and the yokes, Wamba, the husbandman, was taken to be made king of Spain, and from among brocades and pleasures and riches. Roderick was taken to be devoured by adders if the verses of the old ballads don't lie. To be sure they don't lie, exclaimed Donna Rodriguez, the duena who is one of the listeners, why there's a ballad that says they put King Rodrigo alive into a tomb full of toads and adders and lizards, and that two days afterwards the king in a plaintive feeble voice cried out from the tomb, They gnaw me now, they gnaw me now, there where I most did sin. And according to that the gentleman has good reason to say he would rather be a laboring man than a king, if vermin are to eat him. The duchess could not help laughing at the simplicity of her duena, or wondering at the language and proverbs of Sancho, to whom she said, Worthy Sancho knows very well that when once a night has made a promise he strives to keep it, though it should cost him his life. My lord and husband the duke, though not one of the errands sort, is none the less a knight for that reason, and will keep his word about the promised island in spite of the envy and malice of the world. Let Sancho be of good cheer, for when he least expect it he will find himself seated on the throne of his island and seat of dignity, and will take possession of his government that he may discard it for another of the three bordered brocade. The charge I give him is to be careful how he governs his vassals, bearing in mind that they are all loyal and well-born. As to governing them well, said Sancho, there is no need of charging me to do that, for I am kind-hearted by nature, and full of compassion for the poor. There is no stealing the loaf from him who needs and bakes, and by my faith it won't do to throw false dice with me. I am an old dog, and I know all about tusks tusks. I can be wide awake if need be, and I don't let clouds come before my eyes, for I know where the shoe pinches me. I say so because with me the good will have support and protection, and the bad neither footing nor access. And it seems to me that, in governments, to make a beginning is everything, and maybe, after having been governor for a fortnight, I'll take kindly to the work and know more about it than the field laborer I have been brought up to. "'You are right, Sancho,' said the duchess, for no one is born ready taught, and the bishops are made out of men and not out of stones, but to return to the subject we were discussing just now, the enchantment of the lady Dulcinea. I look upon it as certain, and something more than evident, that Sancho's idea of practicing a deception upon his master, making him believe that the peasant girl was Dulcinea, and that if he did not recognize her, it must be because she was enchanted, was all a device of one of the enchanters that persecuted Don Quixote. For in truth and earnest, I know from good authority that the coarse country wench who jumped up on the ass was, and is, Dulcinea del Toboso, and that worthy Sancho, though he fancies himself the deceiver, is the one that is deceived, and that there is no more reason to doubt the truth of this than of anything else we ever saw. Senior Sancho Panza must know that we, too, have enchanters here that are well disposed to us, and tell us what goes on in the world, plainly and distinctly, without subterfuge or deception. And believe me, Sancho, that agile country lass was and is Dulcinea del Toboso, who is as much enchanted as the mother that bore her, and when we least expect it, we shall see her in her own proper form, and then Sancho will be disabused of the error he is under at present. All that's very possible, said Sancho Panza, and now I'm willing to believe what my master says about what he saw in the cave of Montesinos, where he says that he saw the lady Dulcinea del Toboso in the very same dress and apparel that I said I had seen her in when I enchanted her all to please myself. And it must be all exactly the other way, as your ladyship says, because it is impossible to suppose that out of my poor wit such a cunning trick could be concocted in a moment. Nor do I think my master is so mad that by all my weak and feeble persuasion he could be made to believe a thing so out of all reason. But, senora, your excellence must not therefore think me ill-disposed, for adult like me is not bound to see into the thoughts and plots of those vile enchanters. I invented all that to escape my master's scolding and not with any intention of hurting him, for if it is turned out differently there is a God in heaven who judges our hearts. That is true, said the duchess, but tell me, Sancho, what is this you say about the cave of Montesinos, for I should like to know? Sancho, upon this related to her, word for word, what has been said already touching that adventure, and having heard it, the duchess said, from this occurrence it may be inferred that as the great Don Quixote says he saw the same country wench Sancho saw on the way from El Tabosso, it is no doubt D'Alsania, and that there are some very active and exceedingly busy enchanters about. So I say, said Sancho, and if my lady D'Alsania is enchanted, so much the worse for her, and I'm not going to pick a quarrel with my master's enemies, who seem to be many and spiteful. The truth is that the one I saw was a country wench, and I set her down to be a country wench, and if that was D'Alsania it must not be laid at my door, nor should I be called to answer for it or take the consequences. But they must go nagging at me at every step. Sancho said it, Sancho did it, Sancho here, Sancho there, as if Sancho was nobody at all, and not that same Sancho Ponza that's now going all over the world in books. So Samson Carrasco told me, and he's at any rate one that's a bachelor of Salmanaca, and people of that sort can't lie, except when the whim seizes them or they have some very good reason for it. There's no occasion for anybody to quarrel with me, and then I have a good character. And as I have heard my master say, a good name is better than great riches, let them only stick me into this government, and they'll see wonders. For one who has been a good squire will be a good governor. All worthy Sancho's observations, said the duchess, are Cantonian sentences, or at any rate out of the very heart of Michael Verino himself, who Florentibus Ocidit Ennis. In fact, to speak in his own style, under a bad cloak there's often a good drinker. Indeed, senora, said Sancho, I never yet drank out of wickedness. From thirst I have very likely, for I have nothing of the hypocrite in me. I drink when I'm inclined, or if I'm not inclined, when they offer it to me, so as not to look either straight laced or ill-bred. For when a friend drinks one's health, what heart can be so hard is not to return it. But if I put on my shoes, I don't dirty them. Besides, squires to knights errant mostly drink water, for they are always wandering among woods, forests, and meadows, mountains and crags, without a drop of wine to be had if they gave their eyes for it. So I believe, said the duchess, and now let Sancho go and take his sleep, and we will talk by and by at greater length, and settle how he may soon go and stick himself into the government, as he says. Sancho once more kissed the duchess's hand, and entreated her to let good care be taken of his dapple, for he was the light of his eyes. "'What is dapple?' said the duchess. "'My ass,' said Sancho, which, not to mention him by that name, I'm accustomed to call a dapple. I begged this lady, Duena, here, to take care of him when I came to the castle, and she got as angry as if I had said she was ugly or old, though it ought to be more natural and proper for Duena's defeat asses than to ornament chambers. God bless me, what a spite a gentleman of my village had against these ladies. He must have been some clown,' said Donna Rodriguez, the Duena. For if he had been a gentleman, and well-born, he would have exalted them higher than the horns of the moon. "'That will do,' said the duchess. No more of this,' hushed Donna Rodriguez, and let Senor Ponsa rest easy, and leave the treatment of dapple in my charge. For as he is a treasure of Sancho's, I'll put him on the apple of my eye. It will be enough for him to be in the stable,' said Sancho. For neither he nor I are worthy to rest a moment in the apple of your highness's eye, and I'd as soon stab myself as consent to it. For though my master says that in civilities it is better to lose by a card too many than a card too few. When it comes to civilities, to asses, we must mind what we are about and keep within due bounds. "'Take him to your government,' said the duchess, and there you will be able to make as much of him as you like, and even release him from work and pension him off. "'Don't think, Senor Duchess, that you have said anything absurd,' said Sancho. "'I have seen more than two asses go to government, and for me to take mine with me would be nothing new.' Sancho's words made the duchess laugh again, and gave her fresh amusement. And dismissing him to sleep, she went away to tell a duke the conversation she had had with him, and between them they plotted and arranged to play a joke upon Don Quixote that was to be a rare one, and entirely in knight-errantry's style. And in that same style they practiced several upon him, so much in keeping, and so clever, that they formed the best adventures this great history contains. CHAPTER 34 Which relates how they learned the way in which they were to disenchant the peerless D'Alsenea D'Alta Boso, which is one of the rarest adventures in this book. Great was the pleasure the duke and duchess took in the conversation of Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, and, more bent than ever upon the plan they had of practicing some jokes upon them that should have the look and appearance of adventures, they took as their basis of action what Don Quixote had already told them about the Cave of Montesinos in order to play him a famous one. But what the duchess marveled at, above all, was that Sancho's simplicity could be so great as to make him believe as absolute truth that D'Alsenea had been enchanted when it was he himself who had been the enchanter and trickster in the business. Having, therefore, instructed their servants in everything they were to do, six days afterwards, they took him out to hunt, with as great a retinue of huntsmen and beaters as a crowned king. They presented Don Quixote with a hunting suit and Sancho with another of the finest green cloth, but Don Quixote declined to put his on, saying that he must soon return to hard pursuits of arms and could not carry wardrobes or stores with him. Sancho, however, took what they gave him, meaning to sell it the first opportunity. The appointed day having arrived, Don Quixote they armed himself and Sancho arrayed himself and mounted on his dapple, for he would not give him up, though they offered him a horse. He placed himself in the midst of the troop of huntsmen. The duchess came out splendidly attired, and Don Quixote, in pure courtesy and politeness, held the reign of her palfrey, though the duke wanted not to allow him. And at last they reached a wood that laid between two high mountains, where after occupying various posts, ambushes, and paths, and distributing the party in different positions, the hunt began with great noise, shouting and hallowing, so that, between the bang of the hounds and the blowing of the horns, they could not hear one another. The duchess dismounted, and with a sharp boar spear in her hand, posted herself where she knew the wild boars were in the habit of passing. The duke and Don Quixote likewise dismounted and placed themselves one at each side of her. Sancho took up a position in the rear of all, without dismounting from dapple, whom he dared not desert, lest some mitch-stiff should befall him. Scarcely had they taken their stand in a line with several of the servants, when they saw a huge boar, closely pressed by the hounds and followed by the huntsmen making towards them, grinding his teeth and tusks, and scattering foam from his mouth. As soon as he saw him, Don Quixote, bracing his shield on his arm, and drawing his sword, advanced to meet him. The duke with boar spear did the same, but the duchess would have gone in front of them all, had not the duke prevented her. Sancho alone, deserting dapple at the sight of the mighty beast, took to his heels as hard as he could, and strove in vain to mount a tall oak. As he was clinging to a branch, however, halfway up in his struggle to reach the top, the bough, such as was his ill luck and hard fate, gave way, and caught in his fall by a broken limb of the oak, he hung suspended in the air unable to reach the ground. Finding himself in this position, and that the green coat was beginning to tear, and reflecting that if the fierce animal came that way, he might be able to get at him, he began to utter such cries, and to call for help so earnestly, that all who heard him and did not see him felt sure he must be in the teeth of some wild beast. In the end the tusked boar fell pierced by blades of the many spears they held in front of him, and Don Quixote turning round at the cries of Sancho, for he knew by them that it was he, saw him hanging from the oak head downwards, with Dappel, who did not forsake him in his distress, close beside him. And Said Hamet observes that he seldom saw Sancho Panza without seeing Dappel, or Dappel without seeing Sancho Panza. Such was their attachment and loyalty, one to the other. Don Quixote went over and unhooked Sancho, who, as soon as he found himself on the ground, looked at the rent in his hunting-coat, and was grieved to the heart, for he thought he had got a patrimonial estate in that suit. Meanwhile, they had slung the mighty boar across the back of a mule, and having covered it with sprigs of rosemary and branches of myrtle, they bore it away as the spoils of victory to some large field tents which had been pitched in the middle of the woods, where they found tables laid and dinner served, in such grand and sumptuous style that it was easy to see the rank and magnificence of those who had provided it. Sancho, as he showed the rents in his torn suit to the Duchess observed, if we had been hunting herres, or after small birds, my coat would have been safe from being in the plate its end. I don't know what pleasure one can find in lying and wait for an animal that may take your life with his tusk if he gets at you. I recollect having heard an old ballad song that says, by bears be thou devoured as erst, was famous favela. That, said Don Quixote, was a Gothic king who, going hunting, was devoured by a bear. Just so, said Sancho, and I would not have kings and princes expose themselves to such dangers for the sake of a pleasure which, to my mind, ought not to be one, as it consists in killing an animal that has done no harm whatever. Quite to the contrary, Sancho, you are wrong there, said the Duke, for hunting is more suitable and requisite for kings and princes than for anybody else. The chase is the emblem of war. It has stratagems, wiles, and crafty devices for overcoming the enemy and safety. In it extreme cold and intolerable heat have to be born, indolence and sleep are despised. The bodily powers are invigorated, the limbs of him who engages in it are made supple, and, in a word, it is a pursuit which may be followed without injury to anyone and with enjoyment to many. And the best of it is, it is not for everybody, as field sports of other sorts are, except hawking, which also is only for kings and great lords. Reconsider your opinion, therefore, Sancho, and when you are governor, take to hunting, and you will find the good of it. Nay, said Sancho, the good governor should have broken a leg and kept it home. It would be a nice thing if, after people had been at the trouble of coming to look for him on business, the governor were to be away in the forest enjoying himself. The government would go badly on in that fashion. By my faith, senior, hunting and amusements are more fit for idlers than for governors. What I intend to amuse myself with is playing all fours at Easter time and bowls on Sundays and holidays, for these hunting don't suit my condition or agree with my conscience. God, grant it may turn out so, said the duke, because it is a long step from saying to doing. Be that as it may, said Sancho, pledges don't distress a good payer, and he whom God helps does better than he who gets up early, and it's the tripes that carry the feet and not the feet, the tripes. I mean to say, that if God gives me help and I do my duty honestly, no doubt I'll govern better than a gear falcon. Nay, let them only put a finger in my mouth, and they'll see whether I can bite or not. The curse of God and all his saints upon thee, thou accursed Sancho, exclaimed Don Quixote, when will the day come, as I have often said to thee, when I shall hear thee make one single coherent rational remark without proverbs? Pray, your highness, leave this fool alone, for he will grind your souls between, not to say two, but two thousand proverbs, dragged in as much season, and as much to the purpose as, may God grant as much health to him, or to me if I want to listen to them. Sancho Panza's proverbs, said the duchess, though more in number than the Greek commanders, are not therefore less to be esteemed for the conciseness of the maxims. For my own part, I can say they give me more pleasure than others that may be better brought in and more seasonably introduced. In pleasant conversation of this sort they passed out of the tent into the wood, and the day was spent visiting some of the posts and hiding places, and then night closed in. Not, however, as brilliantly or tranquilly as might have been expected at the season, for it was then mid-summer. But bringing with it a kind of haze that greatly aided the project of the duke and duchess, and thus as night began to fall, and a little after twilight set in, suddenly the whole wood on all four sides seemed to be on fire, and shortly after, here, there, on all sides, a vast number of trumpets and other military instruments were heard, as if several troops of cavalry were passing through the wood. The blaze of the fire and the noise of the warlike instruments almost blinded the eyes and deafened the ears of those that stood by, and indeed of all who were in the wood. Then there were heard repeated the lilies, after the fashion of the moors when they would rush in to battle. Scents and clarions brayed, drums beat, fiefs played, so unceasingly and so fast that he could not have had any sense who did not lose them with the confused din of so many instruments. The duke was astounded, the duchess amazed, Don Quixote wondering, Sancho Panza trembling, and indeed, even they who were aware of the cause were frightened, and in their fear silence fell upon them, and a postillian, in the guise of a demon, passed in front of them, blowing, in lieu of a bugle, a huge hollow horn that gave out a horrible horse-note. Ho, there, brother, courier, cried the duke, who are you? Where are you going? What troops are these that seem to be passing through the wood? To which the courier replied in a harsh, discardant voice, I am the devil. I am in search of Don Quixote of La Mancha. Those who are coming this way are six troops of enchanters, who are bringing on a triumphal car the peerless Dulcinea del Tabosso. She comes under enchantment together with the gallant Frenchman Montesinos to give instructions to Don Quixote as to how. She, the said lady, may be disenchanted. If you were the devil, as you say, and your appearance indicates, said the duke, you would have known the said knight, Don Quixote of La Mancha, for you have him here before you. By God and upon my conscience, said the devil, I never observed it, for my mind is occupied with so many different things that I was forgetting the main thing I came about. This demon must be an honest fellow and a good Christian, said Sancho, for if he wasn't he wouldn't swear by God and his conscience. I feel sure now there must be good souls even in hell itself. Without dismounting, the demon then turned to Don Quixote and said, the unfortunate but valiant knight Montesinos sends me to thee, the knight of the lions. Would that I saw thee in their claws? Bidding me till thee to wait for him wherever I may find thee, as he brings with him her who they call Dulcinea del Taboso, that he may show thee what is needful in order to disenchant her. And as I came for no more, I need stay no longer. Demons of my sort be with thee and good angels with these Gentiles. And so saying, he blew his huge horn, turned about, and went off without waiting for a reply from anyone. They all felt fresh wonder, but particularly Sancho and Don Quixote. Sancho, to see how, in defiance of the truth, they would have it that Dulcinea was enchanted. Don Quixote, because he could not feel sure whether what had happened to him in the cave in Montesinos was true or not. And as he was deep in these cogitations, the duke said to him, Do you mean to wait, senor Don Quixote? Why not? replied he. Here I will wait, fearless and firm, though all hell should come to attack me. Well then, if I see another devil or hear another horn like the last, I will wait here as much as in Flanders, said Sancho. Night now closed in more completely, and many lights began to flip through the woods, just as those fiery exaltations from the earth that look like shooting stars to our eyes flip through the heavens. A frightful noise, too, was heard. Like that made by the solid wheels the ox carts usually have. By the harsh, ceaseless creaking of which, they say, the bears and wolves are put to flight, if there happen to be any where they are passing. In addition to all this commotion, there came a further disturbance to increase the tumult. For now it seemed as if in truth, on all four sides of the woods, four encounters or battles were going on at the same time. In one corner resounded the dull noise of a terrible cannonade. In another, numberless muskets were being discharged. The shouts of the combatants sounded almost close at hand. And farther away, the Moorish Leleides were raised again and again. In a word, the bugles, the horns, the clarions, the trumpets, the drums, the cannon, the musketry, and above all the tremendous noise of the carts, all made up together a din so confused and terrific that Don Quixote had need to summon up all his courage to brave it. But Sanchez gave way, and he fell fainting on the skirt of the duchess's robe, who let him lie there and promptly bade them through a water in his face. This was done, and he came to himself by the time that one of the carts with the creaking wheels reached the spot. It was drawn by four plotting oxen, all covered with black housings. On each horn, they had fixed a large, lighted wax taper, and on top of the cart was constructed a raised seat on which sat a venerable old man with a beard whiter than the very snow. And so long that it fell below his waist. He was dressed in a long robe of black buckram, for as the cart was thickly set with a multitude of candles, it was easy to make out everything that was on it. Leading it were two hideous demons, also clad in buckram, with countenances so frightful that Sancho, having once seen them, shut his eyes so as not to see them again. As soon as the cart came opposite to the spot, the old man rose from his lofty seat and, standing up, said in a loud voice, "'I am the sage Lurgandio.'" And without another word, the cart then passed on. Behind it came another of the same form with another aged man enthroned, who, stopping the cart, said in a voice no less solemn than that of the first. "'I am the sage El Quiff, the great friend of Urganda, the unknown.'" And passed on. Then another cart came by at the same pace, but the occupant of the throne was not old like the others, but a man stalwart and robust and of a forbidding countenance, who, as he came up, said in a voice far horser and more devilish, "'I am the enchanter Archialis, the mortal enemy of Amidus of Gaul, and all his kindred.'" And then passed on. Having gone a short distance, the three carts halted and the monotonous noise of their wheels ceased, and soon after they heard another, not noise, but sound of sweet, harmonious music of which Sancho was very glad, taking it to be a good sign, and said he to the Duchess, from whom he did not stir a step, or for a single instant, "'Signora, where there's music, there can't be mischief, nor where there are lights, and it is bright,' said the Duchess, to which Sancho replied, "'Fire gives light, and it's bright where there are bonfires, as we see by those that are all round us, and perhaps may burn us, but music is a sign of mirth and merry-making.'" "'That remains to be seen,' said Don Quixote, who was listening to all that passed, and he was right, as is shown in the following chapter." End of chapter 34. Recording by Mike Conrad, January 2009. Chapter 35 and 36 of Don Quixote Volume 2. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, recorded by David Shep. Don Quixote Volume 2 by Miguel de Cervantes Savedra, translated by John Ormsby, chapter 35, wherein is continued the instruction given to Don Quixote touching the disenchantment of Dulcinea, together with other marvelous incidents. They saw advancing towards them to the sound of the pleasing music, what they call a trample car, drawn by six gray mules with white linen housings, on each of which was mounted a penitent, robed also in white with large, lighted wax taper in his hand. The car was twice or perhaps three times as large as the former ones, and in front and on the sides stood 12 more penitents, all as white as snow and all with lighted tapers, a spectacle to excite fear as well as wonder. And on a raised throne was seated a nymph draped in a multitude of silver-tissued veils with an embroidery of countless gold spangles glittering all over them. That made her appear, if not richly, at least brilliantly apparelled. She had her face covered with a thin transparent cindle, the texture of which did not prevent the fair features of a maiden from being distinguished, while the numerous lights made it possible to judge of her beauty and of her years, which seemed to be not less than seventeen, but to have not yet reached twenty. Beside her was a figure in a robe of state, as they call it, reaching to the feet. While the head was covered with a black veil, but the instant the car was opposite the Duke and Duchess and Don Quixote, the music of the clarion ceased, and then that of the loots and harps on the car, and the figure in the robe rose up, and flinging it apart and removing the veil from its face disclosed to their eyes the shape of death itself, fleshless and hideous, at which sight Don Quixote felt uneasy, Sancho frightened, and the Duke and Duchess displayed a certain trepidation, having risen to its feet this living death in a sleepy voice and with a tongue hardly awake, held forth as follows. I am that myrtlein who the legends say, the devil head for father, and the lie hath gathered credence in the lapse of time. O magic prince of Xerathic lore, monarch and treasurer with jealous eye, I view the efforts of the age to hide the gallant deeds of dowry errant knights, who are and ever have been dear to me. Enchanters and magicians and their kind are mostly heart of heart, not so am I. For mine is tender, soft, compassionate, and its delight is doing good to all in the dim caverns of the gloomy desks, where tracing my mystic lines and characters, my soul abideth now. There came to me the sorrow laden plight of her the fair, the peerless Dulcinea del Tobasso. I knew of her enchantment and her fate. From high-born dame to peasant wretch transformed and touched with pity first I turned the leaves of countless volumes of my devilish craft. And then, in the grim grizzly skeleton myself encasing, hither have I come to show where lies the fitting remedy to give relief in such a pious case. O thou, the pride and pink of all that wear the adamantine steel, O shining light, O beacon, pole star, path and guide of all, whose scorning slumber and the lazy down the dot the toilsome life of bloodstained arms. To thee, great hero who all praise transcends, la Mancha's luster and Ibera's star, Don Quixote, wise and brave, to thee I say, for peerless Dulcinea del Tobasso, her pristine form and beauty to regain, it is needful that the squire Sancho shall on his own sturdy buttocks beared to heaven. Three thousand and three hundred lashes lay, and that they smart and sting and hurt him well. Thus have the authors of her woe resolved, and this is gentless wherefore I have come. By all that's good, exclaimed Sancho to this, I'll just as soon give myself three stabs with a dagger as three, not to say, three thousand lashes. The devil takes such a way of disenchanting, I don't see what my backside has got to do with enchantments. By God, if Senior Merlin has not found out some other way of disenchanting the Lady Dulcinea del Tobasso, she may go to her grave enchanted. But I'll take you, Don Clown, stuffed with garlics, said Don Quixote, and tie you to a tree as naked as when your mother brought you forth, and give you not to say three thousand three hundred, but six thousand six hundred lashes, and so well laid on that they won't be got rid of if you try three thousand three hundred times. Don't answer me a word or I'll tear your soul out. On hearing this, Merlin said, That will not do for the lashes for the Sancho has to receive must be given of his own free will, and not by force, at whatever time he pleases, for there is no fixed limit assigned to him, but it is permitted him if he likes to commute by half the pain of this whipping to let them be given by the hand of another, though it may be somewhat weighty. Not a hand, my own, or anybody else's, weighty or weighty bull shall touch me, said Sancho. Was it I that gave birth to the Lady Dulcinea del Tobaso that my backside is to pay for the sins of her eyes? My master indeed, that's a part of her, for he's always calling her my life and my soul, and his stay in prop may and ought to whip himself for her and take all the trouble required for her disenchantment, but for me to whip myself, I've an ergo. As soon as Sancho had done speaking, the nymph in silver that was at the side of Merlin's ghost stood up, and removing the thin veil from her face, disclosed one that seemed to all something more than exceedingly beautiful, and with a masculine freedom from embarrassment, and in that voice not very like a lady's, addressing Sancho directly, he said, thou wretched squire, soul of a pitcher, heart of a cork tree and bowels of flint and pebbles, if thou impudent thief, they bade thee throw thyself down from some lofty tower, if enemy of mankind, if they asked thee to swallow a dozen toads, two lizards and three adders, if they wanted thee to slay thy wife and children with a sharp murderous scimitar, it would be no wonder for thee to show thyself stubborn and squeamish, but to make peace of work about 3,300 lashes, what every poor little charity boy gets every month, it is enough to amaze, astonish and astound the compassionate bowels of all who hear it, nay, all who come to hear it in the course of time, turn, oh miserable, hard-hearted animal, turn, I say, those timorous owls' eyes upon these of mine that are compared to radiant stars, oh, thou wilt see them weeping, trickling streams and rills and tracing furrows, tracks and paths over the fair fields of my cheeks, let it move thee, crafty, ill-conditioned monster to see my blooming youth, still in its teens, for I am not yet twenty, wasting and withering away beneath the husk of a rude peasant wretch, and if I do not appear in that shape now, it is a special favor, Senior Merlin here has granted me to the sole end that my beauty may soften thee, for the tears of beauty and distress turn rocks into cotton and tigers into use. Lay on to that hide of thine, thou great untamed brute, rouse up thy lusty vigor that only urges thee to eat and eat and set free the softness of my flesh, the gentleness of my nature and the fairness of my face, and if thou wilt not relent or come to reason for me, do so for the sake of that poor knight thou hast beside thee, thy master, I mean, whose soul I can this moment see, how he has it stuck in his throat, not ten fingers from his lips, and only waiting for thy inflexible or yielding reply to make its escape by his mouth or go back again into his stomach. Don Quixote, on hearing this, felt his throat and turning to the duke, he said, by God, Sr. Delcinea says true, I have my soul stuck here in my throat like the nut of a crossbow. What say you to this, Sancho? Said the duchess. I say, Signora, returned Sancho, what I said before, as for the lashes, Abanerco! Abanerco, you should say, Sancho, and not, as you do, said the duke. Let me alone, your highness, said Sancho. I am not in a humor now to look into niceties or letter more or less, for these lashes that are to be given me or I'm to give myself, have so upset me that I don't know what I am saying or doing, but I'd like to know of this lady, my lady Delcinea del Tobasso, where she learned this way she has for asking favors, she comes to ask me to score my flesh with lashes and she calls me soul of a pitcher and great untamed brute and sting of foul names that the devil is welcome to? Is my flesh brass or is it anything to me whether she is enchanted or not? Does she bring with her a basket of fair linen, shirts, kerchief, socks, not that wear any to coax me? No, nothing but one piece of abuse after another. Though she knows the proverb they have here, that an ass loaded with gold goes lightly up a mountain and that gifts break rocks and praying to God and plying the hammer and that one take is better than two, I'll give these. Then there's my master who ought to stroke me down and pet me to make me turn wool and carted cotton. He says if he gets hold of me he'll tie me naked to a tree and double the tail of lashes on me. These tenderhearted gentry should consider that it's not merely a squire but a governor they are asking to whip himself just as if it was drink with cherries. Let them learn, plague take them the right way to ask and beg and behave themselves for all times are not alike nor are people always in good humor. I am now ready to burst with grief at seeing my green coat torn and they come to me to whip myself of my own free will, I having as little fancy for it as a turning kachik. Well then the fact is, friend Sancho, said the Duke, that unless you become softer than a ripe fig you shall not get hold of the government. It would be a nice thing for me to send my islanders a cruel governor with flinty bowels who won't yield to the tears of afflicted damsels or to the prayers of wise and magisterial ancient enchanters and sages. In short, Sancho, either you must be whipped by yourself or they must whip you or you shan't be governor. Senor, said Sancho, won't two days grace be given me in which to consider what is best for me? No, certainly not, said Merlin. Here, this minute and on the spot the matter must be settled. Either Dulcinea will return to the cave of Montesinos and to her former condition of peasant wretch or else in her present form shall be carried to the Elysian fields where she will remain waiting until the number of stripes is completed. Now then, Sancho, said the Duchess, show courage and gratitude for your master Don Quixote's bread that you have eaten. We are all bound to oblige and please him for his benevolent disposition and lofty chivalry. Consent to this whipping, my son, to the devil with the devil and leave feared to mill soaps. For a stout heart breaks bad luck as you very well know. To this, Sancho replied with an irrelevant mark, which addressing Merlin he made to him, will your worship tell me, Senor Merlin? When that courier devil came up, he gave my master a message from Senor Montesinos, charging him to wait for him here as he was coming to arrange how the Lady Donna del Senea del Tobasso was to be disenchanted, but up to the present, we have not seen Montesinos nor anything like him. To which Merlin made answer, the devil, Sancho, is a blockhead and a great scoundrel. I sent him to look for your master but not with a message from Montesinos but from myself. For Montesinos is, in his cave, expecting or more, properly speaking, waiting for his disenchantment, for there is the tale to be skinned yet for him. If he owes you anything or if you have any business to transact with him, I'll bring him to you and put him where you choose. But for the present make up your mind to consent to the penance, for believe me, it will be very good for you, for soul, as well as for body, for your soul because of the charity with which you perform it, for your body, because I know that you are of sanguine habit and it will do you no harm to draw a little blood. There are a great many doctors in this world, even the enchanters are doctors, said Sancho. However, as everyone tells me the same thing, though I can't see it myself, I say I am willing to give myself the 3,300 lashes provided I am to lay them on whenever I like, without any fixing of days or times. And I'll try to get out of debt as quickly as I can, that the world may enjoy the beauty of the Lady Dolphinéa del Tobasso. As it seems, contrary to what I thought, that she is beautiful after all, it must be a condition too that I am not to be bound to draw blood with the scourge and that if any of the lashes happen to be fly flappers, they are to count. Item, that in this case, I should make any mistake in the reckoning, Senior Merlin, as he knows everything is to keep count and let me know how many are still wanting or over the number. There will be no need to let you know of any over, said Merlin, because when you reach the full number, the Lady Dolphinéa will at once and that very instant be disenchanted and will come in her gratitude to seek out the worthy Sancho and thank him and even reward him for the good work. So you have no cause to be uneasy about stripes too many or too few. Heaven forbid, I should cheat anyone of even a hair of his head. Well then, in God's hands be it, said Sancho. In the hard case I am in, I give in. I say I accept the penance on the conditions laid down. The instant Sancho uttered these last words, the music of the clarion struck up once more and again a host of muskets were discharged and Don Quixote hung on Sancho's neck, kissing him again and again on the forehead and cheeks. The Duchess and the Duke expressed their greatest satisfaction. The car began to move on and as it passed the fair Dolphinéa bowed to the Duke and Duchess and made a low curtsy to Sancho. And now the bright smiling dawn came upon a pace. The flowers of the field revived, raised up their heads and the crystal waters of the brooks murmuring over the gray and white pebbles hastened to pay their tribute to the expectant rivers. The glad earth, the unclouded sky, the fresh breeze, the clear light each and all showed that the day had come treading on the skirts of mourning would be calm and bright. The Duke and Duchess pleased with their hunt and having carried out their plans so cleverly and successfully returned to their castle, resolved to follow up their joke, for to them there was no reality that could afford them more amusement. Chapter 36 Waring is related to strange and undreamt of adventure of the distressed Duana, alias the Countess of Trafalde, together with the letter which Sancho Ponza wrote to his wife Teresa Ponza. The Duke had a major domo of a very factious and supportive turn, and he, it was, that played the part of Merlin, made all the arrangements for the late adventure, composed the verses and got a page to represent Dulcinea, and now, with the assistance of his master and mistress, he got up another of the drolest and strangest contrivances that can be imagined. The Duchess asked Sancho the next day if he had made a beginning with his penance task, which he had to perform for the disenchantment of Dulcinea. He said he had and had given himself five lashes overnight. The Duchess asked him what he had given them with. He said with his hand. That, said the Duchess, is more like giving oneself slaps than lashes. I'm sure the sage Merlin will not be satisfied with such tenderness, where the Sancho must make a scourge with claws or a catanine tails that will make itself felt for it's with blood that letters enter, and the release of so great a lady as Dulcinea will not be granted so cheaply or at such a paltry price. And remember, Sancho, that works of charity done in a lukewarm and half-hearted way are without merit and of no avail. To which Sancho replied, if your ladyship will give me a proper scourge or cord, I'll lay on with it, provided it does not hurt too much. For you must know, bore as I am, my flesh is more cotton than hemp, and it won't do for me to destroy myself for the good of anybody else. So be it, by all means, said the Duchess. Tomorrow I'll give you a scourge that will be just the thing for you and will accommodate itself to the tenderness of your flesh as if it were its own sister. Then said Sancho, your highness must know, dear lady, of my soul that I have a letter written to my wife Teresa Ponza, giving her an account of all that has happened to me since I left her. I have it here in my bosom, and there's nothing wanting but to put the address to it. I'll be glad if your discretion would read it, for I think it runs in the governor's style, I mean the way governors ought to write. And who dictated it, said the Duchess? That I didn't, said Sancho, for I can neither read nor write, though I can sign my name. Let us see it, said the Duchess, for never fear but you display it in the quality and quantity of your wit. Sancho drew out an open letter from his bosom, and the Duchess, taking it, found it ran in this fashion. Sancho Ponza's letter to his wife Teresa Ponza. If I was well whipped, I went mounted like a gentleman. If I have got a good government, it is at the cost of a good whipping. That will not understand this just now, my Teresa. By and by, that wilt know what it means. I may tell thee, Teresa, I mean thee to go in a coach, for that is a matter of importance, because every other way of going is going on all fours. Thou art a governor's wife, take care that nobody speaks evil of thee behind thy bank. I send thee here a green hunting suit that my lady the Duchess gave me. Alter it so as to make a petticoat and bodice for our daughter. Don Quixote, my master, if I am to believe what I hear in these parts is a madman of some sense and a droll blockhead, and I am no way behind him. We have been in the cave of Montesinos, and the sage Merlin has laid hold of me for the disenchantment of Dulcinea del Tobaso, her that is called Aldonza Lorenza over there, with 3,300 lashes, less five than I am to give myself, she will be left as entirely disenchanted as the mother that bore her. Say nothing of this to anyone for make thy affairs public, and some will say they are white and others will say they are black. I shall leave this in a few days for my government, to which I am going with a mighty desire to make money, for they tell me all new governors set out with the same desire. I will feel the pulse of it and will let thee know if thou art to come and live with me or not. Dappel as well and sends many remembrances to thee. I am not going to leave him behind though they took me away to be grand Turk. My Lady the Duchess kisses thy hands a thousand times, do thou make a return with two thousand? For as my master says, nothing costs less or is cheaper than civility. God has not been pleased to provide another valace for me with another hundred crowns, like the one the other day, but never mind my Teresa, the bell ringer is in safe quarters and all will come out in the scouring of the government. Only it troubles me greatly what they tell me that once I have tasted it, I will eat my hands off after it and if that is so, it will not come very cheap to me, though to be sure the maimed have a benefit of their own in the alms they beg for, so that one way or another that wilt be rich in luck. God give it to thee as ye can and keep me to serve thee from this castle the 20th of July, 1614. Thy husband the governor, Sancho Panza. When she had done reading the letter the Duchess said to Sancho, on two points the worthy governor goes rather astray. One is in saying or hinting that this government has been bestowed upon him for the lashes that he is to give himself when he knows, and he cannot deny it, that when my Lord the Duke promised it to him nobody ever dreamt of such a thing as lashes. The other is that he shows himself here to be very covetous and I would not have him a money seeker for covetous bursts of the bag and the covetous governor does ungoverned justice. I don't mean it that way, senora, said Sancho, and if you think the letter doesn't run as it ought to do it's only to tear it up and make another and maybe it will be a worse one if it is left to my gumption. No, no, said the Duchess, this one will do and I wish the Duke to see it. With this they bestook themselves to the garden where they were to dine and the Duchess showed Sancho's letter to the Duke who was highly delighted with it. They dined and after the cloth had been removed and they had assumed themselves for a while within Sancho's rich conversation the melancholy sound of a fife and harsh discordant drum made itself heard. All seemed somewhat put out by this dull, confused, martial harmony especially Don Quixote who could not keep his seat from pure disquietude. As to Sancho, it is needless to say that fear drove him to his usual refuge, the side or the skirts of the Duchess and indeed and in truth the sound they heard was a most soulful and melancholy one. While they were still in uncertainty they saw advancing towards them through the garden two men clad in mourning robes so long and flowing that they trailed upon the ground. As they marched they beat two great drums which were likewise draped in black and beside them came the fife player black and somber like the others. Following these came a personage of gigantic stature and velled rather than clad in gown and the deepest black the skirt of which was of prodigious dimensions over the gown girdled or crossing his figure he had a broad baldrick which was so black and from which hung a huge cemetery with a black scabbard and furniture. He had his face covered with a transparent black veil through which might be described a very long beard as white as snow. He came on keeping step to the sound of the drums with great gravity and dignity and in short his stature, his gate, the somberness of his appearance and his following might well have struck with astonishment as they did all who beheld him without knowing who he was. With his measured pace and in his guise he advanced to kneel before the Duke who with the others awaited him standing. The Duke however would not on any account allow him to speak until he had risen. The prodigious scarecrow obeyed and standing up removed the veil from his face and disclosed the most enormous, the longest, the widest and the thickest beard that human eyes had ever beheld until that moment. And then fetching up a grave sonorous voice from the depths of this broad capacious chest and fixing his eyes on the Duke, he said, most high and mighty senior, my name is Trafalden of the White Beard. I am squire to the Countess Trafaldi otherwise called the Distressed Duena on whose behalf I bear a message to your Highness which is that your magnificence will be pleased to grant her leave and permission to come and tell you her trouble which is one of the strangest and most wonderful that the mind most familiar with trouble in the world could have imagined. But first she desires to know if the valiant and never vanquished tonight Don Quixote of La Mancha is in your castle for she has come in quest of him on foot and without breaking her fast from the kingdom of Candi to your realms here, a thing which may and ought to be regarded as a miracle or set down to enchantment. She is even now at the gate of this fortress or palasance and only waits for your permission to enter. I have spoken. And with that he coughed and stroked down his beard with both his hands and stood very tranquilly waiting for the response of the Duke which was to this effect. Many days ago, or the squire Trafalden, of the White Beard, we heard of the misfortune of my lady the Countess Trafaldi whom the enchanters have caused to be called the Distressed Duena. Bid her enter, O stupious squire, and tell her that the valiant night Don Quixote of La Mancha is here. And from his generous disposition she may safely promise herself every protection and assistance and you may tell her too that if my aid be necessary it will not be withheld for I am bound to give it to her by my quality of night which involves the protection of women of all sorts especially widowed, wronged and distressed dames such as her ladyship seems to be. On hearing this Trafalden bent the knee to the ground and, making the sign to the Pfeiffer and Dremers to strike up, he turned and marched out of the garden to the same notes and at the same pace as when he entered leaving them all amazed at his bearing and slimity. Turning to Don Quixote, the Duke said, After all, renowned knight, the mists of malice and ignorance are unable to hide or obscure the light of value and virtue. I say so because your excellence has been barely six days in this castle and already the unhappy and the afflicted come in quest of you from lands far distant and remote and not in coaches or dromedaries but on foot and fasting, confident that in the mighty arm they will find a cure for their sorrows and troubles thanks to your great achievements which are circulated all over the known earth. I wish, Senor Duke, replied Don Quixote, that blessed Elastacic who at table the other day showed such ill will and bitter spite against knight's errant. We're here now to see with his own eyes whether knights of this sort are needed in the world. He would at any rate learn by experience that those suffering any extraordinary affliction or sorrow in extreme cases and unusual misfortunes do not go to look for a remedy to the houses of jurists or village sacraments or to the knight who has never attempted to pass the bounds of his own town or to the indolent courier who only seeks for news to repeat and talk of instead of striving to do deeds and exploits for others to relate and record, relief in distress, help in need, protection for damsels, consolidation for widows are to be found in no sort of persons better than I, knight's errant. And I give unceasing thanks to heaven that I am one and regard any misfortune or suffering that may befall me in the pursuit of so honorable a calling as endured to good purpose. Let this duena come and ask what she will for I will affect her relief by the might of my arm and the dauntless resolution of my bold heart. End of CHAPTER 35 and 36 recorded by David Shep in Los Angeles. CHAPTER 37, 38, and 39 of Don Quixote Volume 2 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recorded by David Shep. Don Quixote Volume 2 by Miguel de Cervantes Avedra translated by John Ormsby. CHAPTER 37 Wherein is continued the notable adventure of the distressed Duena. The Duke and Duchess were extremely glad to see how readily Don Quixote fell in with their scheme. But at the moment Sancho observed, I hope the senora Duena won't be putting any difficulties in the way of the promise of my government for I have heard a Toledo apothecary who talked like a goldfinch, say that where Duenas are mixed up, nothing good could happen. God bless me how he hated them, that same apothecary. And so what I'm thinking is, if all Duenas of whatever sort or condition they may be are plagues and busybodies, what must they be that are distressed like this count as three skirts or three tails? For in my country skirts or tails, tails or skirts, it's all one. Hush, friend Sancho, said Don Quixote, since this lady Duena comes in quest of me from such a distant land, she cannot be one of those the apothecary meant. Moreover, this is a countess, and when countesses serve as Duenas, it is in the service of queens and empresses, for in their own houses they are mistresses paramount and have other Duenas to wait on them. To this, Donna Rodriguez, who is present, made answer. My lady, the Duchess has Duenas in her service that might be countesses, if it were the will of fortune, but laws go as kings like. Let nobody speak ill of Duenas, above all of ancient maiden ones, for though I am not one myself, I know and am aware of the advantage of maiden Duena has over one that is a widow, but he who clipped us has kept the scissors. For all that, said Sancho, there is so much to be clipped about Duenas, so my barber said, that it will be better not to stir the rice even though it sticks. These squires, returned Donna Rodriguez, are always enemies, and as they are the haunting spirits of the anti-chamber and watch us at every step, whenever they are not saying their prayers, and that's often enough. They spend their time in tattling about us, digging up our bones and burying our good name, but I can tell these walking blocks that we will live in spite of them and in great houses too, though we die of hunger and cover our flesh, be it delicate or not, with widows' weeds, as one covers or hides a dung hill on procession day, by my faith. If it were permitted me, and time allowed, I could prove not only to those here present, but to all the world that there is no virtue that is not to be found in a Duena. I have no doubt, said the Duchess, that my good Donna Rodriguez is right, and very much so, but she had better buy at her time for fighting her own battle and that of the rest of the Duenas, so as to crush the calamity of the vile apothecary and root out the prejudice in the great Sancho-Punza's mind. To which Sancho replied, ever since I have sniffed the governorship, I have got rid of the humerus of a squire, and I don't care a wild fig for all the Duenas in the world. They would have carried on this Duena dispute further, had they not heard the notes of the fife and drums once more from which they concluded that the distressed Duena was making her entrance. The Duchess asked the Duke if it would be proper to go out to receive her, as she was a countess and a person of rank. In respect of her being a countess, said Sancho, before the Duke could reply, I am for your highness going out to receive her, but in respect of her being a Duena, it is my opinion you should not stir a step. Who bade the medal in this, Sancho? Said Don Quixote. Who, senor? Said Sancho. I medal for I have a right to medal, as a squire who has learned the rules of courtesy in the school of your worship, the most courteous and best bread night in the whole world of courtliness, and in these things, as I have heard your worship say, as much is lost by a card too many as by a card too few. And to one who has his ears open, few words. Sancho is right, said the Duke. We'll see what the countess is like and by that measure the courtesy that is due to her. And now the drums and the fife made their entrance as before. And here the author brought his sort of chapter to an end and began the next following up the same adventure, which is one of the most notable in the history. Chapter 38, wherein is told the distressed Duena's tale of her misfortunes. Following the melancholy musicians, they're filled into the garden as many as 12 Duenas in two lines, all dressed in ample mourning robes, apparently of meld surge, with hoods of fine white gauze so long that they allowed only the border of the robe to be seen. Behind them came the countess Trafalde, the squire Trafalden of the white beard leading her by the hand, clad in the finest unnapped black bays, such that, headed a nap, every tuft would have shown as big as the Mardos chickpea. The tail or skirt or whatever it might be called ended in three points, which were born up by the hands of the three pages, likewise dressed in mourning, forming an elegant geometrical figure with the three acute angles made by the three points, from which all who saw the peaked skirt concluded that it must be because of it the countess was called Trafalde, as though it were countess of the three skirts, and Bengali says it was so, and that by her right name she was called the countess Lubona, because wolves bred in great numbers in her country, and if, instead of wolves, they had been foxes, she would have been called the countess Zerona, as it was the custom in those parts for lords to take distinctive titles from the thing or things most abundant in their dominions. This countess, however, in honor of the new fashion of her skirt, dropped Lubona and took up Trafalde. The 12 Dwaynas and the lady came on at procession pace, their faces being covered with black veils, not transparent ones like Trafaldans, but so close that they allowed nothing to be seen through them. As soon as the band of Dwaynas was fully in sight, the Duke, the Duchess, and Don Quixote stood up, as well as all who were watching the slow-moving procession. The 12 Dwaynas halted and formed a lane along which the distressed one advanced, Trafalden still holding her hand. On seeing this, the Duke, the Duchess, and Don Quixote went some 12 paces forward to meter. She then, kneeling on the ground, said in a voice hoarse and rough rather than fine and delicate, may it please your highness not to offer such courtesies to your servant. I should say to this your handmaid, for I am in such distress that I shall never be able to make a proper return, because my strange and unparalleled misfortunes carried off my wits, and I know not wither, but it must be a long way off for the more I look for them, the less I find them. He would be wanting in wits in your accountess, said the Duke, who did not perceive your worth by your person, for at a glance it may be seen it deserves all the cream of courtesy and flour of polite usage. And raising her up by the hand, he led her to the seat beside the Duchess, who likewise received her in greater vanity. Don Quixote remained silent while Sancho was dying to see the features of Trafaldi and one or two of the many other duenas, but there was no possibility of it until they themselves displayed them of their own accord and free will. All kept still waiting to see who would break the silence, which the distressed duena did in these words. I am confident most mighty lord, most fair lady, and most discreet company, that my most miserable misery will be accorded a reception no less dispassionate than generous and condolent in your most valiant bosoms. For it is one that is enough to melt marble, soften diamonds, and mollify the steel of the most hardened hearts in the world, but here it is proclaimed to your hearing, not to say your ears. I would feign be enlightened whether there be present in the society, circle, or company. That night, emasculinismus, Don Quixote telemanchissima, and his chrissimus panza. The panza is here, said Sancho, before anyone could reply, and Don Quixotissimus, too, and so most distressedest duenissima, you may say what you willissimus, for we are already isimus to do your civissimus. On this Don Quixote rose, and addressing the distressed duena said, if your sorrow's afflicted lady can indulge in any hope of relief from the valor or might of any night errant, here or mine, which feeble and limited, though they be, shall be entirely devoted to your service. I am Don Quixote of La Mancha, whose calling it is to give aid to the needy of all sorts, and that being so, it is not necessary for you, signora, to make any appeal to benevolence, or deal in preantles only to tell your woes plainly and straightforwardly, for you have hearers that will know how, if not to remedy them, to sympathize with them. On hearing this, the distressed duena made as those she would throw herself at Don Quixote's feet, and actually did fall before them, and said, as she strove to embrace them, before these feet and legs, I cast myself o' unconquered night, as before that they are the foundations and pillars of night errantry, these feet I desire to kiss for upon their steps hangs and depends the sole remedy of my misfortune. O Velouris errant, whose veritable achievements leave behind and eclipse the fabulous ones of the amandites, Esplandians and Blandises, then turning Hansa, and grasping his hands, she said, O thou most loyal squire that ever served night errant in his present age, or ages past, whose goodness is more extensive than the beard of Trafalden, my companion here of present, all mayest thou boast thyself that in serving the great Don Quixote thou art serving, summed up in one the whole host of nights that have ever borne arms in the world, I conjure thee by what thou o'est to thy most loyal goodness that thou wilt become my kind intercessor with thy master, that he speedily give aid to this most humble and most unfortunate countess. To this Sancho made answer, as to my goodness Senora, being as long and as great as your squire's beard, it matters very little to me. May I have my soul well bearded and mustached when it comes to quit this life, that's the point. About beards here below I care little or nothing, but without all these blandishments and prayers, I will beg my master, for I know he loves me, and besides he has need of me just now for a certain business, to help and aid your worship as far as he can, unpack your woes and lay them before us and leave us to deal with them, for we'll be all of one mind. The Duke and Duchess, as it was they who made the experiment of this adventure, were ready to burst with laughter at all this, and between themselves they commended the clever acting of the Trafalde who, returning to her seat, said, Queen Donna Magnucia reigned over the famous kingdom of Kandy which lies between the great Trapobana and the Southern Sea, two leagues beyond Cape Camoran. She was the widow of King Archipela, her lord and husband, and of their marriage they had issue the Princess Antonmasia, heiress to the kingdom, which Princess Antonmasia was reared and brought up under my care and direction, I being the oldest and highest in rank of her mother's Dwaynis. Time passed and the young Antonmasia reached the age of fourteen and such a perfection of beauty that nature could not raise it higher, then it must not be supposed her intelligence was childish. She was as intelligent as she was fair and she was fairer than all the world, and is so still, unless the envious fates and hard-hearted sisters three have cut for her the threat of life, but that they have not, for heaven will not suffer so great a wrong to earth as it would be to pluck unright the grapes of the fairest vineyard on its surface of this beauty to which my poor feeble tongue has failed to do justice. Countless princes not only of that country but of others were enamored and among them a private gentleman who was at the court, dared to raise his thoughts to the heaven of so great beauty, trusting his youth, his gallant bearing, his numerous accomplishments and graces and his quickness and readiness of wit, for I tell your highnesses, if I am not worrying you, that he played the guitar so as to make it speak, and he was, besides, a poet and a great dancer, and he could make bird cages so well that by making them alone he might have gained a livelihood had he found himself reduced to utter poverty, and gifts and graces of this kind are enough to bring down a mountain, not to say a tender young girl, but all his gallantry, wit, and gaiety, all his graces and accomplishments would have been to little or no avail towards gaining the fortress of my pupil had not the impudent thief taken the precaution of gaining me over first. First, the villain and heartless vagabond sought to win my goodwill and purchased my compliance so as to get me like a treacherous water to deliver up to him the keys of the fortress I had in charge. In a word, he gained an influence over my mind and overcame my resolutions with I know not what trinkets and jewels he gave me, but it was some verse I heard him singing one night from the grating that opened on the street where he lived that more than anything else made me give way and lead to my fall, and if I remember rightly, they ran thus. From that sweet enemy of mine my bleeding heart hath had its wound and to increase the pain I am bound to suffer and to make no sign. The line seemed pearls to me and his voice sweet as syrup and afterwards I may say ever since then looking at this misfortune into which I have fallen I have thought that poets as Plato advised ought to be banished from all well-ordered states at least the amatory ones for they write verses not like those of the Marquis of Monta that delight and draw tears from women and children but sharp pointed conceits that pierced the heart like soft thorns and like the lightning strike leaving the reigning uninjured another time he sang, come death so subtly veiled that I thy coming know not how or when lest it should give me life again to find how sweet it is to die and other verses and burdens of the same sort such as enchantment when sung and fascinate when written and then when they condescended to compose a sort of verse that was at that time in vogue and candy which they called Sigilius then it is that heart's leap and laughter breaks forth and the body grows restless and all the senses turn quick silver and so I say, sirs, that these troubadours richly deserve to be banished to the aisles of the lizards though it is not they that are at fault but the simpletons that extol them and the fools that believe in them and had I been the faithful duena I should have been his stale conceits would have never moved me nor should I have been taken in by such phrases as in death I live in ice I burn in flames I shiver hopeless I hope and go I stay in paradoxes of that sort which their writings are full of and then when they promised the phoenix of Arabia the crown of Adrian the horses of the sun the pearls of the south the gold of Tybar and the psalms of Panchea then it is they give a loose to their pens for it costs them little to make promises they have no intention or power of fulfilling but where am I wandering to? woe is me, unfortunate being what madness or folly leads me to speak of the faults of others when there is so much to be said of my own again woe is me hapless that I am it was not verses that conquered me but my own simplicity it was not music made me yield but my own imprudence my own great ignorance a little cautioned opened the way and cleared the path for Don Clabo's advances for that was the name of the gentleman I have referred to and so with my help as go between he found his way many a time into the chamber of the deceived Entomacia deceived not by him but by me under the title of a lawful husband for sinner though I was would not have allowed him to approach the edge of her shoe sole without being her husband no no not that marriage must come first in any business of this sort that I take in hand but there was one hitch in the case which was that of inequality of rank Don Clabo, being a private gentleman and the Princess Entomacia as I said heiress to the kingdom the entanglement remained for some time a secret kept hidden by my cunning precautions until I perceived that a certain expansion of waste in Entomacia must before long disclose it the dread of which made us all there take counsel together and it was agreed that before the mischief came to light Don Clabo should demand Entomacia for his wife before the vicar in virtue of an agreement to marry him made by the Princess and drafted by my wit in such binding terms that the might of Samson could not have broken it the necessary steps were taken the vicar saw the agreement and took the lady's confession she confessed everything in full and he ordered her into the custody of a very worthy Aguccio of the court there are Aguccios of the court and Candi too said Sancho at this and poets and Sigurdias I swear I think the world is the same all over but make case in your Trafaldy for it is late and I am dying to know the end of this long story I will replied the Countess chapter 39 in which the Trafaldy continues her marvelous and memorable story by every word that Sancho uttered the Duchess was as much delighted as Don Quixote was driven to desperation he beat him hold his tongue and the distressed one went on to say at length after much questioning and answering as the princess held to her story without changing her or varying her previous declaration the vicar gave his decision in favor of Don Clabo and she was delivered over to him as his lawful wife which Queen Donna Magnucia the princess and Tomasio's mother so took to heart that within the space of three days we buried her she died no doubt said Sancho of course said Trafaldy they don't bury the living people in candy only the dead senior squire said Sancho a man in a swoon has been known to be buried before now in the belief that he was dead and it struck me that Queen Magnucia ought to have swooned rather than died because with life a great many things come right and the princess's folly was not so great that she need feel it so keenly if the lady had married some page of hers or some other servant of the house as many another had done so I have heard say then the mischief would have been past curing but to marry such an elegant accomplished gentlemaness has been just now described to us indeed indeed though it was a folly it was not such a great one as you think for according to the rules of my master here and and he won't allow me to lie as of men of letters bishops are made so of gentlemen knights especially if they are errant knights and emperors may be made thou art right Sancho said Don Quixote for with a knight errant if he has but two fingers breadth of good fortune it is on the cards to become the mightiest lord on earth but let Senora the distressed one proceed for I suspect she has got yet to tell us the bitter part of this so far sweet story the bitter is indeed to come said the Countess and such a bitter that Sullyanth is sweet and Olyander Toothsome in comparison the Queen then being dead and not in a swoon we buried her and hardly had we covered her with earth hardly had we said our last farewells when Quistalia Fondo temperate ah la chisimas over the Queen's grave there appeared mounted upon a wooden horse the giant Malimbruno Magnucia's first cousin who besides being cruel is an errant enchanter and he to revenge that death of his cousin punished the audacity of Don Clivo and in wrath at the Count Macy of Antomasia left them both enchanted by his art on the grave itself she being changed into an ape of brass and he into a horrible crocodile of some unknown metal while between the two there stands a pillar also of metal with certain characters in the ceramic language inscribed upon it which being translated into Candian and now into Castilian contain the following sentence these two rash lovers shall not recover their former shape until the valiant Michigan comes to do battle with me in single combat for the fates reserve this unexampled adventure for the mighty Valor alone this done he drew from its sheath a huge broad cemetery and seizing me by the hair he made as though he meant to cut my throat and shear my head clean off I was terror-stricken my voice stuck in my throat and I was in the deepest distress nevertheless I summoned up my strength as well as I could and in a trembling and pious voice I addressed such words to him as induced him to stay the inflection of a punishment so severe he then caused all the duenas of the palace those that are here present to be brought before him and after having dwelt upon the enormity of our offense and denounced duenas their characters their evil ways and worse intrigues laying to the charge of all what I alone was guilty of he said he would not visit us with capital punishment but with others of a slow nature which would be in effect civil death forever and the very instant he ceased speaking we all felt the pores of our faces opening and prickling us as if with the points of needles we at once put our hands up to our faces and found ourselves in the state you now see here the distressed one and the other duenas raised their veils with which they were covered and disclosed countenances all bristling with beards some red some black some white and some gristled at which spectacle the duke and duchess made a show of being filled with wonder Don Quixote and Sancho were overwhelmed with amazement and the bystanders lost an astonishment while the trafalty went on to say thus did the benevolent villain Malimbruno punish us covering the tenderness and softness of our faces with these rough bristles would to heaven that he had swept off our heads with this enormous cemetery instead of obscuring the light of our countenances with these wool comings that cover us for if we look into the matter as serves and what I am now going to say I would say with eyes flowing like fountains only that the thought of our misfortunes and the oceans they have already wept keep them as dry as barley spears and so I say it without tears where I ask can aduina with the beard to to what father or mother will feel pity for her who will help her or for if even when she has a smooth skin and a face tortured by a thousand kinds of washes and cosmetics she can hardly get anybody to love her what will she do when she shows accountants turned into a thicket oh duena's companions mine it was an unlucky moment when we were born in an ill starred hour when our fathers begot us and as she said this she showed signs of being about to faint end of chapter 39 recording by david shep from los angeles