 Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're wondering why a man might choose one woman over another? Well, I think this is a great conversation to have and quite frankly I actually got the idea of this title or this content from several of my Contemporaries who posted the exact same title and I thought let me give it a shot And I peruse some of their videos and I want to comment on those as well Additionally, I do want to share with you. I'm going to give you my perspective on this because This actually relates a little bit to my relationship with my sweetheart Marie who's back behind me in those in the picture All right, so I want to be candid with you one of my contemporaries did the whole feminine energy that you know you have to let a man be a man and And You know, you just sit in your feminine energy let the man control the uh dynamic, okay? And I think there's this narrative out there that there's this expectation that all men are James Bond You know or confidence and virile and all this stuff and they just want that feminine type of woman Who just sits there and does his bidding if you will and I know they're not selling it that way because of course They're going to sell you on your own confidence and whatnot But to some degree that's the expectation and the reality is is men these days, especially midlife men They've got flaws. They're riddled with flaws, you know, it used to be Men would say that they are rather easy, you know, just feed them give them sex and leave them alone when they're watching tv And yet I'm going to be candid with you. That's not the case. You know, men are rather complex They're dealing with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that makes it very difficult for them to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship So today I want to talk about some things that I Believe are some of the reasons why one man would choose a one woman the over the other And I think it's important to recognize that because of these devices By the way, I want to apologize. The lighting uh here is keeps going back and forth So I'm going to turn off a light real quick. Don't leave the camera yet. Don't leave yet I'm just too embarrassed and I as you can tell I don't do any editing here I like to do stream of consciousness, but I do use a Orange light to try to balance things out and that doesn't seem to be working. Okay So I do believe because of the internet Men in particular and women, excuse me have access to people they never never Never would have been in contact in their life. So this barrage of people has caused this problem Of thinking that there is just so many options. We call it the paradox of choice And because of this paradox of choice Men are oftentimes might meet somebody that they think is a good fit for them But they go, you know, there might be somebody better. There might be somebody better So one of the issues is that men and women are both dealing with this paradox of choice And because of that, I think it's desensitized people or overly sensitized people To not really understanding the real value of a relationship Back these days. I've said it before I'll say it again Today's dating is just more of a strung out long version of friends with benefits with some monogamy and exclusivity built in But it most folks aren't building the deep roots of trust and the deep roots of commitment Very early on to establish a long-term relationship. That's what I teach in my private coaching By the way, if you need some support, there's a link right here To schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you and there's links below as well So coming back to this There's just all these choices out there that's making it more challenging Now I will tell you that some men choose a woman over another woman because that other woman is left less effort And what that means is there are some lifestyle differences And we see this frequently and I've talked to women. By the way, what I'm sharing is true for men and women alike I've talked to women who said that they don't want to get involved with men Who are raising small children. Well, that might be the same case for men as well Some women are less effort In that and that's more of a compatibility issue. We'll talk about the moment But more importantly, they're less effort in trying to arrange a date Okay, in other words, some women are very high maintenance It's very difficult to arrange a date with a woman And so we're going to choose the path of least resistance because there are so many available options out there That are vying for our time By the way, my coffee says I make the world go around. What do you do? A little bit narcissistic, I would believe Let me pull out my trusty notes because I want to share with you some of the other thoughts I have now Here's one particular reason why one man would choose one woman over another and that is sexual compatibility That's right sexual compatibility these days Obtaining sex is rather easy. I'm sorry to say it that way but obtaining sex is rather easy And what happens is that you know, there's a benefit to this is that not when I say benefit to this It doesn't feel like a benefit to women But one of the benefits is for men is that they get to try on different women on for size Now some men do this right in the early stages In other words, you just communicate with them and they send a dick pic or something like that Those are the men that are looking for women who are the low-hanging fruit Okay, those are the women that are easy to obtain sexually But the reality is is women you've complained about this as well. Some men you've been with aren't your sexual Match and that does happen frequently You know, some men are not good lovers. Some women are not good lovers Just because a woman might have sex with a man doesn't make them compatible in the bedroom So sexual compatibility sexual desires is one reason why one man might choose one woman over another Now number three or the third one I wanted to share at least from my notes Is there's an emotional connection with one woman over another but more importantly, it's an energetic connection Now this is the trickiest one of all, you know in my particular case I had actually been I had connected with several women before I met Marie And I can say that there's there was two primary reasons why I think I chose her over the others and while I felt a connection or felt some connection with one woman You know This is the intangible this energetic connection. It's something you can't even quantify It's hard to say do this to create energetic connection But the reality is is some people you're just more aligned with with than others And when you feel when a man feels that energetic connection, I really do believe it goes beyond Physicality because it's not a physical connection It's more they relate to this person on an emotional level and quite frankly as I think of of Marie I think for some reason when we met and connected I felt an affinity for her more not just because of her beauty, but more importantly She just seemed like a good friend Now one of the advantages we had is we'd spoken for a year prior to meeting So we had built up this friendship over the course of a year and by the way, we didn't do incessant communication Keep in mind folks. I was in a long distance Briefly in a long distance relationship. In other words, she moved out here But we developed a bit of a friendship So that energetic connection was there quickly when we met versus meeting someone for the first time maybe after a few phone calls Sometimes that energetic connection isn't there because that friendship hasn't been built number four And I talked about less effort, but I really want to dive into compatibility There's a greater compatibility with some women over the other So for as I said earlier about women choosing men who don't have children as an example It's true for men as well, especially in midlife That might be a compatibility issue. There might be a financial compatibility within two people There might be sexual compatibility, you know more so with one woman versus another So these are some of the challenges and this is why I get in my private coaching Ladies, I know you all think you know what you want. I say this all the time women go to me I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want But then they go through my proprietary coaching program and then they realize oh my god I didn't realize the more important things on the list This is what I did to attract Mary in my life We we did what was known as radical honesty pre qualifying each other We laid our cards on the table early on to determine. Are we really compatible with one another? So for example She lived in Chicago. I lived in Los Angeles. I said I wasn't interested in entertaining a relationship with you Okay, and I know many of you are doing the long distance communicating quite frankly these days Long distance is anything more than a one hour drive. Actually in some cases a 30 minute drive. Okay in our case That was 1800 miles. I wasn't interested in entertaining This relationship and by the way she reached out to me because of the distance Well, then she gave me a good argument of why we should consider, you know communicating more And if she didn't do it in this masculine energy way She was just sharing with her that she was actually looking for a life mate She liked what my profile had to say she felt the synergy but more importantly She grew up in Los Angeles She has two children that live in Los Angeles one of her dear friends lives literally a block away from where we both live now Her best friend lives here So there was some reasons why Los Angeles was on her list of places to Consider moving to if she found the right person By the way, I was competing with florida as well So she has to deal with earthquakes over there. We'd have to deal with she would have had to deal with hurricanes But compatibility is a critical factor to You know the higher compatibility and with some people again when we're doing this when people are doing this circular dating this cushioning this duty dating It makes it difficult because you you know, if you don't really know what you want Then you're not quickly eliminating the wrong person And so be mindful of this and men are doing this as well Now number five, he's got to be in a good place in his life. I know Prior to when you know prior to meeting Marie, you know, folks, you know, I went through the loss of a child I went through a lot of emotional Up evil in my life, but at the same time You know being in a good place Oftentimes when someone's not in a good place in life in other words the ground underneath the man is not solid He could self sabotage a relationship because he wants men want companionship. They want connection They want sex And yet if they're not in a good place in their life, they will actually Meet someone that they like But then sabotage the relationship and believing that another woman could solve the problems He's not solving within himself by the way, many of you know, I wrote a book called What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books. I recommend You know Most men go through and women do this as well their own version of the hero's journey And if you're not familiar with Joseph Campbell's work, write this down Hero's journey Joseph Campbell If you're watching this on the premiere put someone put this in the chat box or put this in the comment the hero's journey This is what my friend Alison Armstrong calls the tunnel And that's this period of time where we're going through a transition in our lives And many men are going through a divorce or they're going through a professional transition in their life And when they're in this space, they'll oftentimes sabotage really good relationships for another woman I'm actually doing the reverse here instead of picking a good woman They'll pick at the easy woman because they're going to they're not in a good place in their life So really be mindful of men who are going through a contentious divorce men who have Issues in their professional life. Maybe they have significant health issues that makes them fearful to actually lean into A deeper connection with someone because they're not in a good place and these men will self sabotage In this case usually choosing women that are less complicated. In other words, very easy. I talk about low hanging fruit number six timing You know as I said earlier I was connecting with several women at the time that I met Marie But it was really this was a timing situation between the two of us and again timing much like Energetic connection is an intangible. You can't You can't really quantify This particular case where two people just meet at the right time You could literally some of you could be dating a great, you know, really good man But then you meet this other person where you have a lot more compatibility. You have a lot more energetic connection And all of a sudden This is because of timing and this is the hardest thing to predict Most of us would prefer to just date one person at a time I would believe I know it might seem like men prefer this duty dating or cushioning In other words cushioning is like padding you're dating multiple people to pad for loss I'm not a big fan of that to be protective of oneself because you're fearful of rejection or you're fearful of it going wrong But again at the end of the day timing plays a critical part in this dynamic Of mating today, and I think we need to be aware of that and there's really honestly There's not much you can do about timing for a man. Although I will say this remember I talked about Self sabotage okay men who are known as the growers or builders and if you're familiar with my chart about the Um Three types of men who are actively dating out there. There are the users There are the spenders and then there's the grower builders users are are basically love bombers They're the players. They're they're the women who are entitled. They're the women who are gold diggers those They're using Someone else for their own benefit. In other words, they're very myopic. They're very self-centric. They only care about their own needs Now the grower and builder these are men who are truly want to Co-create a relationship with someone. They really want to build a life with someone and this probably only represents about 20 percent of the men who are actively In the dating marketplace for those of us in midlife and I always say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement By the way, I recognize men can make babies even in their 50s and 60s or even 70s I'm talking about since my audience is women baby making years for them. Okay And if a man coming back to what I was saying before on timing if he's not a good In a good place in his life that the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid Coming back to the previous one. He'll sabotage relationships until he's in a good place. So timing plays an important role And oftentimes men go through this tunnel. We talked about the hero's journey as I said earlier I wanted to elaborate on that the hero's journey is usually where we have a humbling event Emotionally a humbling event emotionally that causes us to wake up to deeper Introspective work deeper healing within ourselves Maybe healing our childhood wounds and traumas healing our adult traumas and the biggest adult trauma For most men and women alike is divorce or a significant breakup. That could be an emotional trauma Certainly in my case losing a child was an emotional trauma Sadly yesterday. I heard really bad news where a dear friend of mine just lost his son And so oh the birds just crossed by And so when we're not in a good place That's where timing plays a role in it as well and last and most importantly This is what makes a man choose one woman over another is the woman he's chosen Has a greater level of self-love coming back to my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? Self-love isn't just you know, oh, I love myself and self-love isn't manicures and pedicures and Facials and massages. That's by the way self-care self-love is Self-respect self-reliance Self-confidence self-esteem self-worth. That's all wrapped up into self-love. In other words would attract me most to Marie She had this air of confidence. In other words, I could tell she doesn't give her power away To anyone. She never gave her power away to me See what I don't like about feminine energy coaching is some of it is almost predicated on giving your power away to men because men are the leaders of the relationship and you just Need to follow their lead. Well, you can be following the lead of a real jackass So be careful about giving your power away and giving your power also means you're dependent upon the other person To fulfill your emotional needs I always say, you know, a lot of people in the united states here are suckling on the nipple of I need you To love me so I can feel good about myself that that need for constant validation So a woman who is in a state of self-love doesn't need That validation doesn't need that love. They may desire it and that's okay to desire it But to actually come from a dependent place Isn't really loving on oneself and a lot of men Consents that woman who doesn't value herself because she needs someone else to validate them And that gets tiresome for first and some men actually thrive on that But those aren't the men who are really going to go the distance Oh, by the way, I just recognize I forgot to mention one thing going back to users spenders and growers Really quickly users are the kind of people that are takers 20 percent the growers have want to build a life Those spenders I really didn't dive into that spenders or men or women Who want companionship connection and sex But they're not really solid on their desire for commitment If you're not really solid on your desire or you're not capable of commitment They may come across as saying I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I want a relationship But they're not really in the capacity to lean into that relationship because Because They're just not in a good place And those are typically those spenders they want to spend time with you And they want some they want that companionship connection and sex, but they're not in a good place Okay, I just forgot to elaborate on that earlier. All right. We just covered why a man might choose one woman over another I hope you found value in this if you did, please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel. Check out all the links below to a free discovery call with me Check out my group called midlife love mastery. You can check out the group below And join me on instagram Okay, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do and by the way before I'm sorry about the lighting chain I'm going to wrap it up as I always do if I give myself a big gigantic john the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone pet the teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now