 Good health to all from Rexall. Presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugists. Taking a little time from behind the prescription counter this Sunday evening to speak for all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent drugists who have added the word Rexall to our own store names. You can always tell us by the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows. The sign means that we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company. They range all the way from aspirin to penicillin. And they're as fine and pure and dependable as science can make them. We independent drugists recommend them to our customers because we know you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. Drugist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Jeanine Ruse and Whitfield. Walter Sharpen his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. The Harris home has been under the annual siege of spring cleaning. Over Alice's protests, Phil has insisted on helping her. And as we look in he is about to hang a picture over the fireplace. Phil I wish you'd let me do that. You're not very handsome. Please. Just hold the chair steady while I get up. There. Where do you want this nail? Right over the fireplace. And Phil, please be careful. Honey, I know how to hammer a nail. Stop laughing and look for my thumb. It must be on the floor someplace. Oh, it's still on your hand. Does it hurt much? Oh, honey, you never know how much I'm suffering. Oh, look at that little thumb. Oh, honey, I will be able to use this finger. Oh, gee, I'm going to have to call off today's band rehearsal. Why? This is the thumb I deal the cards with. This pain is excruciating. Wait till I come down off this chair and show you. Phil, look out. You caught your foot in that. Oh, this time I really did it. Oh, for goodness sakes. What did you hurt now? What I sit on when I deal the cards with a thumb I ain't got. Am I hurt? Here I lie mortally wounded and she asked me if I'm hurt. Oh, thumbsy, whumsy. I'm afraid to look at it. Phyllis, you look at it and tell me how it is. It's only a scratch, Daddy. It's just bleeding a little. Bleeding? I knew it. I knew it. Is it bleeding much? Oh, yes. There must be at least three or four drops gushing out. Girls, this is too gory for you. You'd better leave the room. Let them stay. I may need them for a transfusion. Phil, will you please cut it out? You're all right. Look, it stopped bleeding. It stopped? Oh, no. Now I ran out of blood. You just lie there and let it congeal. I'll put up the nail myself. No, you don't. I started this and as weak as I am, I'll finish it. Pass me the hammer. Yes, you wouldn't. You'll only ruin your thumb completely. I'll show you. I can do it right. Now watch this. Oh, no. Oh, Alice, I must have hit my hand. Look at my bones. They're falling all over the floor. All right, honey, don't get upset. We can cover the hole up with something. With what? Daddy has a moose head. No way to talk about your father. She didn't mean it. Look, kids, you better run along. Look, Alice, I got some plaster in the garage. I'll get it. No, no, no, no. You stay right where you are. I'll get someone else to do it. Alice, I am capable of plastering up a hole in the wall. You don't let me do nothing around here. You think I'm a jerk, don't you? No, I don't. Yes, you do. Well, I don't. Well... Don't give up, Philip. I'm on your side. I better cover up that hole in the wall fast. Things are starting to come out of me. How did you get that hole in your wall? Oh, Philip was hanging a picture and he missed the nail. Oh, Philip, how stupid can you be? I suppose you could do better, poodles. I'll show you. There's nothing to driving a nail into the wall. It's just a question of using my head. This I'm going to want to see. Got to see this. Look, I'll hold the nail. You put your head down and get a running start. That flat top of yours you can't miss. Never mind, fellas. I don't want any more nail holes in the wall. All I need is a plasterer. Oh, Alice, I can plaster the hole for you. I'm very handy, you know. Mm-hmm. Always fixing little things around the house? Well, bless your nimble little mm-hmm finger. You can have some plaster, Alice. I'll get started. Oh, thanks, Willie. You'll find some out in the garage. No, I'll go get it. Uh, Philip, if you care too, you may watch me. You might learn something you know. I got to do something about that boy. Say, Alice, when he plasters that hole up, couldn't he work from the inside of the wall? That's the fact that Willie's more handy than you. Well, it's a fine state of affairs when a woman thinks more of her brother than she does of her husband. Oh, Phil, don't be silly. I don't... Please say no more. Don't try to make up to me to think I've given her the best years of my life. And years don't come no better than that. I shall sleep at the club tonight. Sleep at your club? That I will. Goodbye. If you want me, you'll find me at... Wait a minute. I don't belong to no club. Your membership card to the YWCA. Look, before I go, don't you want to hear me sing for the last time? If you want to. Okay. What song would you like to hear me sing? Well, you know, the one you do so well. The one that goes... I'm as corny as Kansas in August. I'm as normal as blueberry pie. No more a smart little girl with no heart. I have found me a wonderful guy. I am in a conventional dither with a conventional star in my eye. And you will notice a lump in my throat when I speak of that wonderful guy. I'm as frightened, gay as the Daisy, and may it please say coming through. I'm so middick and bright as the moon. Happy night pouring light on the dude. He is Kansas in all expression I use. I'm in love, I'm in love. Please say coming through. Happy night pouring high as the flag on the fold of July. If you'll excuse an expression I use. I'm in love, I'm in love. I'm in love with that one, didn't I? Is there anything else you'd like to hear me listen to? I changed my mind, honey. Hey, gee, I'm sorry I lost my temper. Let's kiss and make up. I don't want to. Ah, come here, you beautiful W. I'll get two pretty things like us staying mad at each other. Hey, fuck her up, baby, and I'll slip you that hair as special. Somebody answer the duo for crying out loud. I love birds. Hey, break it up. Oh, I didn't hear you come in, Frankie. What brought on this revolving exhibition? He's trying to make up to me, but it isn't working. Now look, Phil, I have to go over to Mother's for a few minutes, and while I'm gone, I want you to clean up that mess you made around the fireplace. Yes, dear. And while you're at it, clean out the inside of the fireplace, too. Yes, dear. Don't forget, I just had the rug shampooed, so don't get any dirt on it. No, dear. That's telling her, dear. Oh, well, I guess I'm going to have to get out of my hands and knees and clean this mess up. You know, Curly, I hate to see in this condition. What condition? Abject, beaten, pathetic, sniveling. In short, a married man. I told you you shouldn't have gotten married. There's nothing wrong with being married. Once you get over the first shock. You know, Remly, you ought to get married. I wouldn't like it. Don't knock it until you tried it. Once you get used to marriage, you can't do it without it. That's the trouble, it's habit-forming. And no one's better than biting your nails. Well, look, I've got to get inside the fireplace and clear out this... Uh-oh. What's the matter now? Hey, Remly, I just looked up this chimney. Man, it's thick with soot. Yeah? It should be cleaned out. You know, somebody... Hey, if I were to do it, Alice wouldn't be mad at me. I'll do it. And, Remly, I'm going to allow you to help me. Oh, thank you, maestro, for this golden opportunity. Just think a chance to clean out a dirty chimney. Francis, you sound like you don't want to help me. Your hearing is excellent. Look, Remly, will you stop? It'll be a cinch. Now, come on, I'll get a long-handled broom. We'll go up on the roof and start cleaning out the chimney. Come on. Hey, Frankie, this is tough work. Ah, you said it. It must be an easier way than cleaning the stuff out with a broom. Hey, I got an idea, Curly. If you dropped a heavy object down the chimney, it would scrape the soot off the sides as it went down. Yeah, but where can I find a heavy object that would fit into the... Stop measuring me. I wouldn't fit. Yeah. You know, I guess we need a skinny object to drop down there. What are you doing up there? I hear a skinny object calling. Do you think he'd fit? Let's try him for size. Okay. Hey, Willie, would you mind coming up here for a fitting? Hey, he might be a little too skinny. He may not hit all four sides as he goes down. For what? We can always drop him a few times. Hey, this is going to be fun, Remly. I can't... No. Well, no. Remly, we can't make a swab out of Willie. What did you fellows call me for? Oh, oh, look, William, we're trying to clean this chimney for Alice and... and, well, uh, we don't know how to go about it. Well, let me look down and see. Oh, Phillip, it's easy. There's a ledge halfway down. All you have to do is get down there, stand in the ledge and clean it. Well, but it's impossible to get down to that ledge, Willie. Oh, it is not. I'll show you. Now, if you and Francis will take hold of my arms and lower me, I'll just prove it can be done. Curly, he's asking for it. In that case, who are we to turn him down? Come on, come on, come on, lower me. Okay. Hey, Remly. Yeah? Now, you grab his right arm, I'll take his left. Right. Got it? Now, just lower him gently. All right. That's it. Just easy. Now, you see, there's really nothing to it. Now, I can't quite reach the ledge. You'll have to let me down just a little lower. He wants to go lower. Lower. Lower. Well, let's lower him. Right. One, two, three, let go. Help. Is that low enough, Willie? You dropped me. Hey, Curly, he scraped off one side pretty good. Yeah. About three more drops ought to do the job. Bellows get me out of here. My coat is caught on something. Now, how do you like that? He only went halfway down of all the clumsy guys. Yeah. I can't stand people who don't finish what they start. Well, it didn't work, Remly, but it taught me a lesson. Yeah. You can't clean the chimney with your brother-in-law. I'm tired of cleaning chimneys anyway. Let's go to the ball game. Yeah, they got a double header today. Wait. How about Willie? He don't like baseball. He'll hear immediately. I'll tell Alex. All right, all right. I'll get you out. Come on, Remly. Let's go down and see if we can't pull him out from the fireplace. All right. You know, Curly, I feel sorry for poor Willie. I wish I had my guitar. I'd play him a little tune to keep his morale up. All for heaven's sake. Hey, maybe I could sing to him. Yeah, sing... Oh, dear. He's carrying on, ain't he? Yeah. Why don't you sing that song you do so well at Square Dancers? Which one? You know, the one that goes... Look here, you folks, ain't havin' fun. I'd like to show you how it's done. Way back in them, their hills of Tennessee. We'll do a Square Dance one and all, you folks. Get set to hit the ball, and I'll give out with mountain melody. Go and call the neighbors in to have some fun. It ain't no sin. The music's ready to begin. So listen to the fiddle or play. Take that carpet off the floor. Leave your shoes outside the door. Come on, do your dance and chore. Everybody dance. We're taken by surprise. The Silas opened up their eyes with music they had never heard before. He said, this dance is new to you. I'll call the sets you follow through. So choose your partners. Get out on the floor. Hey, you down there with rocks. Hit the floor and rally your hocks. Listen to the fiddle or play. Round and round and let her go. Sashay left and dosy don't. Circle back and hold that rope. Everybody dance. Then Mrs. Stuyvesant McGee latched on to Senator McCree and started pigeon-winging round and round. The count and count as deal of all were prom and nod and crossed the hall and so society was hoeing down. Circle left, circle right. Keep your hardware out of sight. Ain't no time to start a fight. Everybody dance. Then Silas really set a pace and now in every swanky place no more the modern dances will you see. Four sets they got so many thrills the dance that came down from the hills now the craze of high society. Yes from Hollywood to Boston Mass throughout the land the upper class are choosing partners for a jamboree and now at every swell affair who's calling sets and fiddling there no one but Silas Lee from Tennessee. Sneaky way to get a song. Alice can do it to me, I can do it to you. Fellows, get me out of here. Oh, yeah. You got about him. Hey, Remly, we better get him out. Let's get in the fireplace here and see if we can reach him this way. Alright, he's a little too high up. I'd give you a boost but you wouldn't fit in there. You know what we need is somebody smaller somebody that we can shove up there. Hi, Mr. House, I'm from the groceries. This is too good to be true. We're here in the fireplace but we couldn't wait for you. See, Willie was handy so I want to give you a boost up the chimney so you can reach Willie and pull him down. That's all, will you do it? Okay, come on now, Frankie, help me. Easy with him now. Alright, push him up. That's it. Can you reach him, Julius? Yeah. Never mind that. Pull on his legs. Oh, Philip, you will rule this day. Wait till I... Can't scare me. Come on, Frankie. Let's clean up around the fireplace before Alice sees it. Got him out anyway. Hey, Curly. Yeah. Didn't you have a beige rug in this room? While we were in the fireplace, Alice changed it. Got a nice black one now. Oh, look at that soot all over. A nice clean rug. If Alice ever sees this, she'll... Hey, Alice is back. Come on, Remly, fast. We got to keep Alice out of the living room. How are we going to explain this soot on us? I'll take a step and shut that door. The rehearsing and act we're going to do for a menstrual show. Mr. Bones. What is it, Mr. Interlocutor? No. Now, you know all about wine, Megan. How do you make an Italian wine? You kick him in the shin. Say it to the man who opened the icebox. Say it to the man who opened the icebox. Close that door. I'm dressing. There's more pages to do. Oh, you have to go. I'm not... I'm going in the living room. But, honey, don't you want to hear us? I wouldn't want to hear you two if you were the ink spots. If I did it... What would happen to you if you didn't care? Oh, never mind. Would I feel this way? Well, I don't know. Where's you feeling, boy? You said that before. You was in a rut. Hush up, girl. You don't got more words to do it. This isn't makeup you've got on. It's soot. Soot on you. That's soot for Easter Sunday. I just had to live a little bit to keep away from seeing that new bear's rug. We're going to know the rug. My rug? What did you... Alice, don't go in there. Get out of my way. Alice, don't go in there. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Hey, we better beat it right here. Where do we go? Well, Mr. Bones has the French foreign legion if I had a menstrual act. No, they hasn't. Well, uh, saddle your camel, boy. There's gonna see one now. He will be back in just a moment. But right now, our Rexall family drugist is waiting on a customer. Right, here we are. Anything else now? Better put in a tube of that salve my husband uses. He squeezed the one he has now with everything short of a steamroller. Well, he can't possibly be as rough on it as Rexall scientists are. Why? How's that? Well, a tube that contains a drug product has to be made of extra strong, yet flexible material. It's got to be able to take bending and rolling and squeezing without cracking open. But even the right material from that standpoint will sometimes cause a chemical change in the product. When that happens, Rexall's men of science must find a suitable liner. Of what? A liner. A thin coating inside the tube that keeps the product from touching it. Then to make sure that all three will stand up under all unusual and usual conditions, the tube, liner, and product are exposed to heat. Clear up to the melting point of the product in some cases, and often as long as three months at a time. Well, I never. Yes, it's a pretty good feeling when you stop to think that even the containers of Rexall's 2,000 or more drug products get the same kind of careful testing as the products themselves. No wonder some 10,000 independent drugists have put the orange and blue Rexall sign on their windows, and no wonder we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. Where's the rug? We'll be finished soon, Ani. Oh, I hope so. That's hard work, Curly. I know, but we dirtied the rug, and Alice said we got a shampoo. That's starting to look good. This stuff makes a nice, thick lather. Yeah. That Fitch Dandruff Remover Shampoo is great. Hey, just look at them nice, creamy suds. Oh, boy, you think Alice will like it? She ought to. She got the only rug in town with a head on it. This is Bill Foreman saying, Good health to you all from Rexall. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.