 So a guy pulls away from you. He goes hot cold hot cold. He's all over the place. He's here He's there. He comes in he leaves and you're not sure what to do about it Why is he pulling away? What can you do? And can you stop him from pulling away and the short answer is yes You absolutely can do things that will stop him from pulling away depending on why he's pulling away And that's what we're gonna be talking about today. Hello, my name is Matthew coast and welcome to commitment connection Like I said today We're gonna be talking about how to get a guy to stop how to keep him from pulling away from you if He's doing that or if you're afraid that he might do that in the future And so there are seven different things here that you're gonna want to do and they go in order from Inner to positioning to communication. So the first thing that you want to do is You want to Detach yourself from him. So you need to make what he's doing less Important so one of the biggest reasons why we end up getting stressed out about things in our lives Anything in our life is because we usually take small things and we blow them up to being really really important And so if you're making something really really important like what this guy is doing and is he talking to me and did he text me And when's he gonna text me next and well? What's he doing right if you're if it's all about him and what he's doing then you're gonna blow it up You're gonna make it really big and it might not even be something that's big And so what you want to do first is detach yourself from him researchers Have have done a lot of studying on this and they found that when two people are together with each other and One person thinks about that person a lot and they dream about that person and they think about This future that maybe they're gonna have together what ends up happening is that you feel like your Identities mold together and so what you need to do is Refocus on building your own personal identity if you don't already have one already What you want to do is you want to solidify things do things that solidify your sense of personal identity so those are things like Working on different passions that you have you know getting involved in Hobbies that you have or work that you have that you really like doing things that you do That you know is like about you right? It's it's who you are right? Maybe maybe you're into listening to music. Maybe you're into going out to to wineries. Maybe you're into I don't know Skateboarding or something. I have no idea what you're into But whatever you're into what you want to do is figure out that and start spending more time doing that That way it's not all about him It's not all about what he's doing and you can minimize and lower his Whatever he's doing in his sense of importance in there The reason that you want to do this is something that we're gonna be talking about a little later Right, you might be thinking to yourself like yeah, but Matt. I'm not trying to make him less important I want him to stop pulling away. Well, it's very important that you Refocus and you detach yourself from him in order to do this most effectively and you'll hear why that is here in a minute So number two is you want to replace the attachment that you have with him with other things So we talked about detaching from him Well, it's hard to just detach from something or stop doing something the only way that People effectively change and stopping doing one thing is if they replace that one thing with something else And so you want to replace what you're doing with him with other things in your life And most specifically figure out what it is that you're connecting with him on and usually it's it's Like emotional connection, right or love or something like that Well, you can get that from other places if that's your main source of Connection and love is this guy what you want to do is start getting connection and love from other things, right? It might be dating other people if you guys aren't in a committed relationship yet It might be going out into nature and hanging out in nature and just spending time in nature It might be with pets right having a dog or a cat or even if you don't want to have a dog or cat You can always go to like an animal shelter and pet dogs and cats at animal shelter shelters or or petting zoos or something like that Depending on what's in your area and what the laws are in your area You can also get like friends and family go hang out with friends and family and and get connection with friends and family that way Right, so you want to spread out your connection because if it's all on him, right? If you're getting your emotional needs met through this guy or kind of the idealization of this guy or the Imagination of this guy what will end up happening is if he pulls away or you pull away or something happens You're gonna be like oh, I gotta get my connection back with him And so you don't want it to all be about him and whether you're getting the connection through him and instead you want to diversify you want to you want to spread out the amount of connection that you're getting from multiple different sources that way if There's you're missing a source of connection It's not that big of a deal if you if you're here with us right now say hi and Tell us where you're from where you're watching this from in the chat It's cool to see women from all over the world watching these live strings. So thank you for being here with me today all right, so Number two is about taking your power back and giving you more control over your life and how you feel by diversifying your connection number one was Detaching from him to is replacing his attachment and connection with other things and Number three is shifting your mindset. So we I can't tell you how many times we get women that are it's all about this guy Right and it's about what he's doing and where he's going and and how do I get him to do things right because you you you feel Something for somebody and then it's like that's it, right? I gotta make it happen with him because he's he's it He's the thing around here. He's my only option and so what you want to do is shift your mindset and What you want to do is stop making it about Getting him and start making it about getting into the relationship that you want and if you've been on other videos of mine You've heard me talk about this before it's really really important that you're focusing on the relationship and flipping the frame with him So it's not about is he doing the right thing is you know How do I get him to do the things that I want him to do? How do I get him to be the perfect little man for me and fix him and change him and you know Adjust him and do all these things to make him right and it's instead instead about what relationship Do I want and what you do is you shine the light, right? Whenever a guy comes by What you want to do is shine the light on The relationship and that's a metaphor if you haven't figured it out Which means that what you want to do is communicate that this is what you're looking for this is what you want and Then he gets to step up and either be that man or not, right? You're evaluating him He's on trial and the question is will he make the cut or not? Instead of it being how do I get him to do these things, right? You're flipping it back over and you're saying is he going to make the cut for this and he might and he might not Right if it depending on what the pulling away situation is that you have with this guy It might not be a big deal and it might be a big deal And I'm gonna be talking about that a little bit later because there's a lot of confusion in the in our community With what it means when a guy pulls away and if he's actually pulling away or not So I'm gonna talk about that in a little bit All right So number four is what you want this moves over to the communication thing and this is encouraging his Independence so a man is far less likely to need space if you're encouraging him to take that space Ahead of time so if you're encouraging him there There's kind of a joke out in the men's world where where guys kind of they know when a guy has a girlfriend Because all of a sudden he's not allowed to go and do things. He's not allowed to hang out with his friends He's not allowed to do his hobbies and all these different things, right? And it's kind of this joke about clingy women who kind of are possessive and try to force a man to do all these different things And you want to do the exact opposite a lot of times guys end up pulling away Because they end up feeling really overwhelmed with what's going on in the situation You're they're changing their life around a lot because they're getting into a dating and relationship situation and they go Okay, I'm feeling overwhelmed because of all this change that's happening and they feel like they want to Pull away right and get away and get some space from you And so if you're encouraging him to continue doing the life that he had before he met you Then it's it's a lot easier for him to not feel like he wants to pull away It's a lot easier for him to miss you and to appreciate the time that he gets to spend around you because of the the scarcity principle And what will end up happening more likely if you're pushing him away Is that he'll want to come back to you right instead of it being this thing where you're latching on to him and he's He's like, oh, I'm not sure if I want to be here and he's trying to pull away and he disappears Right instead you're pushing him away and it's like the rubber band effect Right, it's the rubber band effect you're pushing him away and he's coming back And so if you're encouraged like I said if you're encouraging him to go and hang out with his friends And hobbies and do the things that he normally does and the things that he loves to do And you're you're pushing him and encouraging him to do those things He's less likely to want to pull away. All right, so number five and like I said, there's seven of these things And we're on number five right now Number five is you want to give him space before he needs it right because a man can't pull away If you already pulled away from him, right? Ah, ah All right, that's a little bit of a joke if you didn't get it and you know But but seriously if you end up giving him space right if if you're in a situation and you're like, okay Men need space sometimes. Well, maybe you need some space sometimes. Maybe not. I don't know It depends on maybe your attachment style, right? If you have an anxious attachment style Maybe you don't need any space and you can never get enough connection and love and attention Well, and if that's your situation then you need to scroll back up to number number one and two Where we talked about building connection, right and getting connection Creating more connection with other men creating more connection with friends and family Creating connection with with animals and nature and creating all that kind of connection that way you won't be So dependent on him if you're not the kind of person that does need space And so what you want to do is give him some space So if you have to schedule it in your in your planner or whatever you have to do But give him that space before he needs it because it's in that space that he'll start to miss you That he'll start to remember the good times that he's had with you that he'll want to come back to you And that he'll appreciate the time that you have to gather more And so you want to give him that space Before he needs it if you get what we're talking about here Say I get it in the chat if you don't get what we're talking about go ahead and let me know and we will talk about Uh your questions whatever questions you have if you have any questions about anything Go ahead and ask them in the chat if you just want to talk about about life And you're like I got matt coast on the line Let's just talk about life We can do that too. Whatever you want to talk about I will answer any questions you have All right. Number six is setting a standard for what you want and we're going to be talking a little bit more about Communicating in a high value way in number seven But one of the ways that you do that is by setting a standard, right? So if a guy is is He's it let's say that you just start dating a guy or even if you're in kind of a semi relationship Maybe you're not even sure what's going on or even if you're in a committed relationship You can ask this question to a guy in whatever situation you're in and you'll find out what's going on. So Here's what you do. You ask him what he thinks about couples who do X right and so x is whatever you want to do, right? So let's say that you like Being in contact with a guy every single day or or maybe you don't but you want to know what he thinks about it What you do is you say, hey, what do you think about couples who like to text each other every single day? What do you think about that right or what do you think about couples that that want to Stay in constant communication with each other like all day all throughout the day, you know Or what do you think about you know couples and and you know, whatever he answers that question You can also ask the opposite side. Well, what do you think about couples that that only connect with each other? Like once a week, right? And so what you're doing here is you're you're getting a Framework for his blueprint of the world, right? Because he has a blueprint about How relationships are supposed to look based on his friends his family, you know The the different experiences that he's had in his past and what he really believes about life and people and relationships in general And so when you ask him that question What ends up happening is he starts telling you what this blueprint looks like And then what you can do is you can start setting standards and the way that you set set a standard Is you say things like I really like it when or I think it's really attractive when and then you say Whatever it is right and you can say it about all kinds of different things, right? If you if you want a guy to act more like a gentleman or more Chivalrous or more noble or whatever, right? You can say I really like it when when guys Hold the door for me. It makes me feel like I'm just being taken care of so much, right? Or I really like it when when guys act like gentlemen Like it's it's it makes them stand out so much from all the other men that I meet because Guys don't do that kind of stuff anymore, but it's so it's so attractive. It's really hot Right and when you say that kind of a thing what you're doing is you're setting You're setting a standard for him to chase after right? You're setting a place for him to go after and a thing for him to start doing So it's basically challenging him and saying this is what I want You know, are you going to live up to my standards or not? And then he has his decision whether he's going to in the future Most guys what they'll do is they'll they'll make a mental note of that Right and what they'll end up doing is they'll either Protest against it if they're a contrarian or they'll try to live up to that standard if they're Into if they're really into you and they really want you to like them And so that's that's how you set a standard right and you want to make sure that you're doing that So you ask him what he thinks about couples who do x and then you set a standard for whatever kind of behavior that you want There's also a way to reinforce positive behaviors that he He does right so if if he does open a door for you What you can do is just is is thank him for it and then tell him it's really attractive, right? Like if he opens the door for you and you like walk through and you're like, thank you Wow, that's really attractive guys rarely You know, I rarely meet guys that are gentlemen these days and that's I just think it's so hot Right and what you're doing is you're reinforcing positive behaviors that you want him to do More often in the future and when you tell a guy something like that when you're like wow That was really attractive of you doing that He'll probably do that in every chance that he gets right because because he wants you to feel He wants to feel like he's attracted to you and he wants you to be attracted to him and so number seven Is you communicate like a high value woman if he does leave and so there are three different ways That you can communicate like a high value woman There's three main ways There are some other ways that I I talk about in some of my other programs and stuff But there are three main ways that you can communicate like a high value woman A lot of women that I talk to they they want to get like revenge on a guy, right? Like I see this in our community sometimes where women are like Oh, he did that We'll give him a taste of his own medicine and show him who's boss right and you're like, uh, that's That's a really bad way to go right because it's your what you're doing when you do that Not only is it incredibly low value behavior But you're also kind of getting yourself into a cycle right where you start kind of this revenge cycle Where he starts feeling like you're actually attacking him because you are right Who knows whether he pulled away was malicious or not we can talk about that here in a minute but um You know a lot of women when you get revenge on a guy what ends up happening is he'll either try to get revenge back on you Like he'll try to start playing games back on you or he'll end up leaving And so instead what you want to do is communicate in a high value way And the three main ways to do that are one setting standards Which is what we just talked about earlier is you set a standard number two Is you set a boundary and number three is you walk away? That doesn't mean that you can't come back but it is definitely A um, but you definitely want to walk away in a certain situation, right? and if you're getting to the point because walking away is kind of like a It's it's like kind of the extreme measure and if you're in a situation where you're walking away You want him to Earn having you back right if you're in a situation where you're so Angry or you feel like your boundaries have been Crossed over so harshly that you have to walk away What you do is you make him earn getting you back you make it and the way that he earns it is by Investing in you right one thing that women who work with me know Is that a man's investment in you is far more important than your investment in him because his investment makes him feel attached It makes him miss you when you're gone. It makes him rationalize backwards rationalize in his brain that he's done all this stuff because he really likes you Which makes puts him in a position where he's far more likely to fall in love Far more likely to feel attached far more likely to not want to lose you And so you want him to invest to get you back And so those are the different ways and so what questions does everybody have? Um lots of people saying hello. Hello. Hello. Oh by the way if you want my entire system for how to get a guy to um To how to get a guy who loves you and cherishes you and and sees you as the beautiful amazing awesome woman that you are and you want A deep dive into all these principles check out the forever woman formula at the forever woman formula dot com You can get that you can pick it's free access. You can get my program Completely for free. You also get 14 days of free Uh question and answer in our coaching forums So you can ask our coaches any questions that you have If you sign up for that program and like I said, you can get the whole thing for free. So that's pretty cool So you should definitely go check that out so Don dian dian diany Sorry for butchering the name says hello from england matt your advice is life changing Thank you so much for your insight. Well, thank you for being here It's an honor for me to be here and to serve you and i'm very very happy that you find my information and my advice life changing Stacy said I am experiencing this right now. Thanks. I needed to hear exactly this today Portia says exactly I feel you on that and thank you so much You are amazing your advice helps me all the time you are the best. Well, thank you. I appreciate that I appreciate that So, let's see what else do we have here Lots of people watching from all over the world so cool to see so many people all over the world watching these Josie says thanks for all these. I was wondering. I'm hoping you have a good relationship knowing all this Yep, I certainly do so French says that's understandable for a guy to pull away if a woman becomes Possessive of him So one of the things I wanted to talk a little bit about Is the idea of like why guys pull away because a lot of there's a lot of really bad assumptions out there There's a woman the other day on my youtube channel that left a message in the comments where she's like If a guy pulls away that means that he's seeing somebody else And why would you give them any information other than you know to get rid of this cheater? And I'm like Ah, that's not true. It's actually well studied fact that most guys don't have somebody on the side very a lot of guys they're over a 25 percent of men out there right now are Completely celibate meaning they haven't hooked up physically gotten physically intimate with anybody in at least the last 12 months with women it's it's a much smaller percentage and Most guys aren't aren't players right they aren't running around dating lots of women And if the guys that you're dating are players Then that has something to do with those guys right and there's a small percentage of guys out there Very very small percentage of guys who are actually players who are actually playing around the field Right and most of them are all on the dating apps So you'll run into them if you if you go on to there But there's a lot of reasons why guys might pull away And the question is whether because there's a woman on our on a live stream a while back Where she was like oh my this guy that i've been talking to he pulls away every single day and i was like How does that make any sense right like what do you mean by that and what she clarified and she's like Well, he pulls away in the evening and then he doesn't start talking to me until the next day and i'm like You think maybe he's like going to sleep at night Like I mean people have lives right they have different things and so you need to question whether If a guy's pulling away from you whether this is normal behavior or not right in it's one of those things where if You know we live in this weird time where things haven't just to let you know Maybe you don't know this or maybe you do I don't know but things haven't always been like this Right, we haven't always been able to contact anybody we want to anywhere in the world anytime we want to We haven't had instant communication with everybody. That's a fairly new thing in human society I know it can feel like it's it's been like that forever since we've had it for a while, but It used to be that people would like meet like You know they'd meet up like once or twice a week at most, you know that you had to call somebody And if they didn't show up it was like Did they die what happened to him? You couldn't message him and find out what was going on And so you want to make sure that that what you're doing isn't Extreme right because it's really easy to get into extreme behaviors and not realize that you're in an extreme behavior The magic is always in the middle And if you're on one side where you're like, oh, I I need him like there's a woman in our community the other day That was like a man should communicate Right. If if I text him he should communicate back to me in 30 minutes or less, right? And it's like Really, you know, like what if he has a job? What if he goes to work and he's focused on work? Do you think he should be you know, he's in doing whatever he's doing you think he should be stopping working and contacting you we we need to have better boundaries as people In in life right and we need to start looking at ourselves And looking at our own behaviors and saying okay is my behavior this thing that I have where I'm like Feeling like I need to be connected with this person all the time Is that healthy right and start looking at it instead of of the problems with that person out there But instead looking at You know, what's actually going on right because if you if you date one guy after the next guy after the next guy after the next guy And every single guy does the same thing You might want to start questioning whether it's men or whether it's something that you're doing yourself right because if the problem I actually heard this from somebody the other day. It was really good If if the problem has nothing to do with you then the solution Can have nothing to do with you either in other words If the problem is something external out there Then there's no way that you can fix it. There's no way that you can do anything about it You just have to blame things that are outside of yourself and hope that it changes at some point Right like I get women all the time that'll post things on some of my my facebook posts where they'll be like Oh, you know Men are the problem. You need to be teaching men and men You know don't know how to treat women and all that kind of stuff which to an extent is true, right? And at the same time if you're constantly pointing the finger at men It you know, there are literally thousands of men's dating coaches out there and they're teaching men What they should and shouldn't be doing and so many of those things might not be what you want Men to be taught because what a lot of times what you think Works in terms of making women feel attracted isn't actually what works, right? Like there was this woman that was on one of my posts and she's like you need to tell men to start respecting women and start treating women You know really nice and doing all these things and i'm like, hey, you know, um, I get that and and Feeling respected by a guy is something that that can make women feel attracted, right? However What most if you tell a guy that especially a guy that's been frustrated and lonely and he's getting dating advice likely The situation is that he's been frustrated for a long time and he's been having a lot of challenges with dating And telling him that he needs to respect women is Is going to be a total mismatch for him and he's going to feel like he can't trust anything You're saying anymore because what he's probably been doing for a long time is Respecting women and getting nowhere with it, right because that's usually where a lot of guys come from is there They're really they they they do the super friendship method, right? Where they hang out with a woman and they're really nice to them and they're really respectful, right? And they don't get anywhere and the woman ends up dating some a-hole who treats are really badly and he's like Oh, why do women not like nice guys who respect them, right? And so you can't just tell guys respect women and that's how you get women because that's not one that's not true, right? It's it's masculinity, right? It's there's there's a bit of danger and a bit of Dominance and a bit of going after what you want that needs to be there He has to have a masculine shell in order to be attractive to women Man, I ran off on a tangent here in order for him to add respect to Kind of his communication style and it be attractive He has to be surrounded by a masculine shell and if he's not then most women aren't going to be attracted to him at all and so All right, let's move on let's move on to some questions All right, so let's see what kind of questions we have Out here. So thank you everybody for being here Ivy Stacy debora Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello Josie says why it's always be on a man's side satisfaction. We want to break too Right, right not meaning to date someone else Not me but men when they take a break they go for another woman not fair, isn't it? Josie you are talking exactly about what I was talking about earlier, right? There's a whole bunch of different reasons why a guy might need a break that have nothing to do with another woman and assuming Assuming that if a guy Needs to pull away or take a break that means that he's going to be dating another woman is a really bad assumption to have It's a really really harmful assumption for you to have you shouldn't have that assumption It's a bad assumption Right because it could be a whole bunch of other things that he needs right it could be that he's not getting his needs met From being with you it could be that he's getting he's feeling overwhelmed or he's feeling too much pressure He's feeling smothered so there could be a whole bunch It could be that he has a bunch of things going on at work It could be that there's a whole bunch of different things going on and you can't assume That it's because he's going off to date another person you can't assume that that is not always true And it's probably not mostly true either So don't don't think that that's a bad assumption so Let's see So hazel says can a guy who's used to excused as being avoidant or timid to Come across can a can a guy used as an excuse as being yeah I mean if if you haven't so there's something out there hazel called an avoidant attach attachment style where avoidant attachment styles will tend to pull back and pull away when things start getting stressful or they You know things things are happening that they don't like and so they'll pull back and absolutely a guy can Use that as an excuse um Like I said you need to go back to the whole thing of making it about the relationship and not making it about the guy that way the guy is Trying to Convince you that he's the right guy for you instead of making it about you trying to get this guy Which is a really unhealthy place for you to be coming from So cj says what if I want to give him space? But he says he don't need space He wants to chat all the time ldr Well, tell him that you need some space That's what you need to do is that you need to tell him that you need some space and uh Have some schedules have some boundaries around what it is that you want right what you have to do Is communicate your boundaries what you do is you say hey, I love talking to you. I really enjoy it I love the time that we spend talking and communicating and video chatting or whatever it is that you do in your ldr And and I I need some space sometimes I need some space, you know these times during the day and these times at night and you know I only want to talk, you know This so often or whatever and then ask him if he agrees to it and then you can have a real conversation about it Right, so that's that's setting a boundary That's what you need to do is you need to start setting boundaries with him on what's acceptable and what's not acceptable behaviors Do do do do Irene says what happens when he needs a lot of space But when we do text we text for hours and it's a bit confusing Well, if he so we're talking about the rubber band effect here Irene is so he's When you're on you're on right when you're off you're off And you need one you need to decide what kind of a relationship you have going back to Flipping the frame in your mind right changing your mindset shifting it from being about this man to being about the relationship And so the coaching that I have for you is if it was about this relationship and you want this certain kind of relationship Is this man creating that kind of environment? Are you one? Are you communicating it? Are you communicating your standards what you want what you need and then is this man Going in that direction of taking you there and so you need to figure that out, right? There's it there shouldn't be anything confusing about this right when he's not on He's off and then when he's on he's talking to you for hours and so It sounds like he's there and then he's gone right and you need to decide whether that's something that works for you You need to make sure that you're communicating your standards on what you want You need to make sure that you're having a conversation with him about what he thinks about these things, right? What he thinks about Relationships and couples who talk as much as you want to talk and find out if that's something that he's interested in Or if he because he might think that's crazy behavior, right? So you need to find out you need to talk to him and have conversations with him About this so that you can get an understanding of what his blueprint of what a relationship looks like Here we go. Michelle says I've been doing that setting high standards. The man flat out told me I like you even more men appreciate things More if they work for there you go. Michelle's doing it, right? Good job. Michelle. I'm going to give you some air high fives here Go for Good job kick and butt Thuto says great lesson. Thank you. You are welcome Hazel says I lean back, but he keeps coming on and off. So I stopped reacting to his behavior Remember Hazel the three types of communication of a high value woman the three main types One is setting standards to setting boundaries three walking away Michelle says something is different about you. Matthew. You seem super happy I don't normally seem super happy. Michelle. Is that what's going on? I've been doing a lot of tony robbins stuff lately. And so I've been like, yeah You know pumped up. Let's do it Right. I don't know All right, so what else do we have here Doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-do Wow, we have a lot of a lot of comments today. Thank you everybody for being here So sir be says should I be honest or until he waits until he wants to be exclusive I don't know what you're asking about Okay, what advice do you have for a man that's not ready to commit and may be intimate with others after three months of Dating he says he's not dating but my intuition reads otherwise. I communicated what I wanted but didn't receive clarity so With a guy that's not ready Right. So a guy who's not ready, but he may be intimate with others after three months of dating So we're going back to the whole thing about shining the light, right? You shine the light and you say this is what I want Well, the man gets to decide whether he takes you there and what they found They've actually done research on this and what they found is that men know around the Around the six up around the six to eight month mark almost all men know What kind of a relationship they want with the woman that's in their lives? So up to the three month point, right? It takes about three months before People start really showing their true colors to you And so you want to be careful up to that three month point that you're not getting too attached to him Not getting too involved with him not making it all about him Make sure you're still seeing other people Make sure that you still have an abundance of options and an abundance of connection because if you don't What's going to end up happening is you're going to get attached to him He's going to start showing some of his true colors And then you're going to be like is this really what I want? Is this really the person that I want? But if you're already attached and you're already all the way in Then he hasn't decided that he's you're the right person for him that you know all these different things, right? So Basically don't jump in the pool. The metaphor is don't jump in the pool Before he's decided that he wants to get in with you in other words Don't commit to him before he's committed to you So if he says to you that he's not ready to commit right or that he doesn't want a commitment Just say fine. How you know Do you know when you're going to want a commitment? Do you know when you'll be ready to have a commitment? Right and if most guys will know right they'll say, oh, it'll be you know I've got this thing that's going on at work and I'm just not ready for it yet Or you know, I'm just not sure about you or life or you know, what I want or any of that kind of stuff and Or he might say, you know, I know it's going to be in three weeks There's just this thing that I have to do and and after that or you know I've got to go and travel or it could be like it might be a few more years You know, I'm just out of a relationship and I'm not ready, right? And so you want to ask him and just see what he has to say And then what you want to do is you want to like Because most times when people say this what ends up happening is the guy gives this long time frame, right? That's somewhere between three months and like 10 years And so what you want to do is Just pull back right make sure that you're not getting too attached to him not getting too involved with him And pull back do all the things that we're talking about with an abundance of options and abundance of connection And make sure that you're not getting attached to this guy and sitting around and waiting for a guy Who's not committed to you who's not doesn't want a relationship with you necessarily Where you're just you know waiting for this chance to have this thing happen with him, right? And so uh, if if he's like if he tells you that he's unsure he doesn't really know he he doesn't know You know when he's gonna want that and and he doesn't know what he wants or any of that kind of stuff, right? If he starts acting flaky insecure Unsure doesn't know what he wants any of that kind of stuff what you do is you say, okay great. No problem You know, let me know when you figure yourself out and decide you know what you want And if i'm still single Then maybe We can still talk about it, right and then what you want to do is you want to give him the gift of missing you by pulling away and Going out and dating other people and seeing other people and finding somebody that actually does Want to move things towards the relationship that you want to move things towards and if he comes back Which he might right? I had a woman a couple weeks ago Who is in a very very similar situation where the guy that she was seeing was pulling away He was he was he was confused, right? He was confused He was kind of pulling away sometimes and didn't know what he wanted and all that kind of stuff when she talked to him And I gave her that exact thing to say to him and he ended up leaving For about a week and then he came back and he was like, you're the only one I want I was being an idiot. You know, um, let's uh, let's do this. I'm committed to making this happen I don't want anybody else. You know, you're it for me like let's do this right now They're in a committed relationship and they're talking about the future together and all these different things because what she's you know Because she knew she was awesome Um, he knew she was awesome, right and she said hey I'm willing to walk away if you're not willing to be in this all the way Right, which is the situation you want to be in if if you want a committed relationship If you want everything the first thing that you need to do is you need to believe that you deserve it You need to believe that you are worth it You need to believe that you're somebody that a guy would want to commit himself to Somebody that he'd want to be with in the kind of relationship that you want to have and when you come from that belief system All of a sudden these guys We'll start believing it as well, right? You'll you'll start communicating that and if they aren't willing to believe it they'll end up believing And or you'll end up believing right if they aren't willing to agree to that if they're not willing to do that number two is you need to put yourself into a position of value where you're um You you have an abundance of options with men You have an abundance of connection so that you're not relying completely on him to get this right And then the third thing is that you need to communicate your standards your Communicate in a high value way, which is your standards your boundaries and walking away if it isn't a situation that serves you, right? and Once you come from that position It's a lot easier to get into the kind of relationship that you want to have and not end up in a situation where You're because we have women in our community who who came into our community and they had been Seeing these guys in these uncommitted situations for for years years, right? In one case it was over a decade right actually a couple cases We've had women that were seeing guys for over a decade where it wasn't committed You know, they thought maybe it was committed, but he wasn't he he was like, oh, you know, no We're just we're just friends, you know just hooking up buddies and stuff, right? and you know, you're only in kind of a three-month kind of situation, but You know, you want to make sure that you're getting yourself into the best situation that you can that you're not getting attached to him that you're not placing all your bets on things working out with him and instead having him Trying to compete for your time your attention improving to you that you're the woman that he wants and um, so yeah, I hope that answers your question that was like a That was a full that was full getting your money's worth right here All right, let's see Debra says my guy owes me money and is giving me the silent treatment. What do I do? First thing that you do is realize that you made a big mistake by giving a guy money The second thing that you do is never give money to anybody ever again In the future unless you never Plan on you don't care if you to get it back right that's the only time you should ever give anybody money ever In your life is if you don't care If you ever get it back if you care about getting it back Don't ever give anybody money and number three Cut your loss and don't talk to him ever again and move on with your life and create a life with somebody who's Who doesn't need you to financially support them? That's the answer debora tomorrow says tomorrow tomorrow says Tomato tomato tomorrow tomorrow says I want everyone to realize that I'm the finest in the land My love and joy is not for sale. It's a gift Well, there you go tomorrow tomorrow So Nicole says hey I walked and it's few days now. He only left one Missed call That's all What could I do? Are you saying Nicole? Are you saying that you're ignoring men? My suggestion is that you never ignore men, right? We had some woman in the In the community yesterday that was talking and she's like she's like how long should I ignore this man for? Is a week long enough? I'm trying to lean back is that is a week long enough to ignore a man. I'm like Nowhere in anything about leaning back leaning back Doesn't involve ignoring a man It doesn't involve ignoring a man I never the only time that you should ever ignore a man is if you never want to talk to him again That's it. That's the one time you should ignore a man Amy says I'm a young widow and have tried so hard to find someone Dated but I always get rejected over a different girl or they lose interest is being a widow hopeless I feel like it is no absolutely not Amy What you're doing right now is you're making a false association, right? You're taking this idea of I'm a widow, right? Which is your identity you you're you're wrapped in this identity of being a widow and then you're saying Being a widow is makes my dating life hopeless, right? And those things are completely disconnected What you need is a good system Amy and my suggestion is that you get mine. I'm a little bit biased about this I'm I'll admit. I'm a little bit biased, but I think you should get my system It's at the forever woman formula dot com. It works great We've got women that have gotten married as a result women who are single and frustrated It felt like everything was hopeless and they got my system and now they're getting married We have women who have turned their entire Marriages around we've had women who have gotten over their exes We've went have women that have gotten back together with their exes with this system right here So you can check it out. You can get free access to it. You also get 14 free days of coaching From our amazing world-class coaches in our coaching forum, so you should definitely go check that out CJ says matt doing his thing once again our number one relationship coach Well, I appreciate that CJ. I appreciate that Tiffany says abundance. Yes, great tactic Yeah, what you want is you want to be in a world of abundance, right? So if you're if you're it's all about one man, you're in a scarcity mindset And you're trying to get him to do things you got to force him to do things You got to make him do things and if he doesn't do things then it can be devastating to you because it's this one guy And I gotta make this one guy loves me, right? And so what you want is to get rid of that and instead go to abundance because abundance is like Flowing through life and wonderful and amazing and great. It's graceful and there's men everywhere Oh, he's not doing what I want. I don't even notice because I've got abundance of all of these people and it's wonderful right and so you're frolicking through the The um the fields in abundance and that's what you want. You want abundance. You don't want scarcity Feifei says how to communicate with my boyfriend after a vicious argument He is fed up with me and angry because I was asking for help with my jealousy and being vulnerable Well, you need to tell us a little bit more about what's going on there feifei But what you need to do is you need to make him feel heard if you want him to get rid of his anger What you need to do is make him feel hurt, right? Because Usually what happens what what makes somebody feel angry is they feel like they're out of control or they feel helpless or they feel like There's some kind of weird situation and and they can't do anything about it, right? And the way to diffuse anger is just to just let it wash over you Right, so let him talk and say all of these things and just be like Yeah, instead of attacking back or trying to change it or you don't understand me Or any of that kind of stuff what you instead do is just go. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I see how you feel You know, tell me more about that like what what else are you feeling there like oh I didn't see it from that way before You know and just trying to get into their world as much as you possibly can Because if you can get into their world as much as possible, it'll diffuse it, right? They'll like let go of that and then you can You know I have a real conversation after that So jennifer says my man said he loved me and I gave him space to digest everything Ha ha he's already contacted me We all need space to process things and love isn't constricting or controlling its freedom Exactly jennifer you got it. You got it jennifer love is not constricting. It's not controlling It's not forcing. It's not manipulating. It's not controlling It's not any more adjectives that you want to come up with for the word force or manipulate Instead it's freedom right and the idea is like the cat right the cat metaphor You want him to go away and come back, right? If you try to force him and chase him and put him in a cage He's just going to be whine and cry and want to run away from you as much as possible But if you if you let him do what he's going to do and he comes over then you can pet him and he'll love you That's what you want to do Bing Chrissy says I have a question unrelated to the topic. My boyfriend has always been pretty nice, but lately Has been overly nice. Am I wrong to suspect him of cheating if he's never acted like this before? Well, my question Chrissy to you is why would you immediately go to cheating? All right, so he's been really nice. He must be cheating right there's a lot of and and so the question might be For you first is I don't know right. Do you have a pattern of dating men who cheat on you? Right. Is there reasons why you might suspect a guy? So if you have a pattern of dating men who have cheated on you and you've been with guys who cheat on you a lot Then one of the first things that you need to do is take some space for yourself and change the way that you think about yourself because Usually most people live in patterns, right? We all live in patterns. Everything's a pattern, right? We we do the same things every day. We get into the same types of relationships unless we make Significant changes within ourselves, right? And so a lot of what we do is based on past Things that we've done before in our life. It doesn't have to be that way But for most people it is and so if you have been dating men Who cheat on you often or maybe you've dated a guy who's cheated on you in the past What you need to do is some healing work, right? Because What ended up happening probably is that a guy cheated on you and then you made it mean Some certain things about yourself about life about the world about men And so what you need to do is figure out Um, you know what those things are bring those things to the surface And then start questioning whether those things are actually true or not that way You don't end up continuing the pattern of getting into situations where you're hurt abused Cheated on or whatever kind of situations you're in right? That's the way to Break that pattern you have to believe that you're deserving of something more of something greater Otherwise what you'll see is that pattern happened in other guys And then you'll feel comfortable around that pattern and you'll feel attracted to it And so you need to break the pattern and so that's that's if it's going on with you You haven't told me anything. I mean being overly nice It couldn't mean he's high right like there's there's a lot of reasons people could be overly nice and so Uh, I mean the idea of him cheating on you. I mean You know unless you have some kind of evidence from the past or You know you have a pattern of doing this and so you keep on ending up with guys who are cheaters And so that's your pattern unless you have something like that going on There's there's no reason that I would feel like You know, it would give me any cause to believe that he was cheating on you Michelle says you attract what you radiate You attract what you feel You attract what you feel you feel What you focus on you feel and what you feel you receive That's what I like to say but Yeah, I mean if you're If you're in this right and you're in a situation You're not sure what to do and you want the absolute best strategies that you can possibly have To get into the relationship that you want to have Here's my suggestion. We've had women that that have completely changed things around for themselves And they did it using my patent formula, right and there's three steps to it You need to believe in your value You need to position yourself in value and you need to communicate your value And that's really how you make sure that you get into the best possible situation you can So thank you everybody for being with us today. I really appreciate everybody being here It's it's an honor and a privilege for me to be serving you It's really my my whole kind of mission in life is to serve you to the highest Capacity that I possibly can so thank you so much for being in here Thank you for trusting me on your journey to Attracting the man and the relationship that you want to have and so everybody. Thank you so much And I will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it Take care and see you. See you all in the next