 Hi, my name's Martha. I'm from Los Angeles, California. And my story begins just at birth because there was just so many things going on at that time. With my mom being pregnant of me, tragedy hit our family where she was accidentally shot in the head while she was pregnant for me. So she was never able to get to her baby shower that day. I was scheduled for that day. By the time she was already rushed to the hospital, she was pronounced brain dead. And that's how I came into the world to C-section. I was born and I was alive and she was alive temporarily with the help of machines. After that, then she was disconnected. My father being young and traumatized because everything that happened didn't know how to handle the situation. And kind of was absent from my life. My grandmother was the one that raised me and she has been a mother and father for me as best as she could with everything she's had. And I also, as I was very young, I had already same sex attraction for other girls as well. So when I started school, I was already confused by that. But I knew that I could not share that with anyone else because I didn't see that around me and I felt like it was wrong. But it created this thing within me that was frustration and fear for anybody to find out my secret. I struggled with that so I kind of just pushed it down. And all the men in my life growing up, I just felt like I was hurt a lot by men. And it was just showing me that every example of a guy in my life was not to be trusted that they were gonna let me down or they were gonna abandon me and they weren't there for me. So that also just created a reinforced this thing in me that men couldn't be trusted in my life. After high school and entering college, that's when I decided to finally be free and be who I thought and I felt I was inside and felt like that person that was restricted for so long. And I cut my hair, I changed my whore wardrobe, like I finally started walking, sitting, doing everything of how I wanted to and I felt comfortable with and not what the world or with my mom or my grandmother or my family would think or react to me. So I was just full on rebellious that I didn't care what the world or anybody thought about me. But I just wanted to be free and that was who I was. I experienced a lot of things that just, it was too fast for me and also too crazy for me to even comprehend what really was going on. And I think I was drinking a lot because I kept hearing God's voice speaking to me. Like I remember I would be like at a club or we're drinking or hanging out and I'm just observing and looking around. And I'm hearing him saying like, this is not what I had intended for you. You know that I have something more for you and he'll talk to me and even being in a relationship with another woman and I couldn't stand it. So I would drink more because I did not want to hear his voice. And I think the more I tried to push him away, he still pursued me, he never left me. Throughout all the hurt and stuff, he was still with me. All the trauma that I experienced in my life, he was still with me. And he never judged me but he was very patient with me. I actually had this lady that I met through work that she was a potential customer. And as I was talking to her to try to make a sale, she starts talking to me more about like, you know, like I see you and I know where you're at. I've been there before, I was like you, you know, I dressed a certain way, like, you know, I talked a certain way, I had a certain lifestyle. And I know why, what led you to this? And, you know, she, I met with her twice. She gave me her phone number. And she told me, if you ever want to talk, just reach out to me and we can meet up. And it was very, I felt like this feeling of, it felt like I was being tortured inside because I felt like she said something that brought something up from the pit on my stomach that I didn't know what it was. But I knew something was really wrong. And by a Wednesday morning, I just decided to call her and I met with her at a McDonald's at Long Beach, California. And we had a conversation and she talked about how she was hurt. She was hurt by men when she was younger as well. And that also made her not want to trust men and she had attractions for other women as well. And then she said how when she came to Christ, you know, like it was more of the relationship with the father and just the renewing that now she had a husband and children and I've met them too. And that, I think the part of where she talked about the abuse was what broke me because I didn't have certain memories of things but I felt like my heart and my soul was reacting to something like it had a memory of it. And it just broke me. And I accepted Christ at that McDonald's. I didn't know what my yes was gonna lead to because I didn't go from like, I surrender everything to you and like full transformation in one day. It was a journey and has been a journey where I was trying to negotiate with him saying, hey, if you let me have my wife, I would do anything for you. I will serve you. I was talking to a mentor of mine and I was telling him how frustrated I was because I felt like I couldn't even pray. And he just told me like, just close your eyes, try to speak your heavenly language and just allow like God to just flow, you know? And so like I closed my eyes and then I felt like I got hit with like a white light and just everything went white. And I was just hearing this very clear voice speaking to me. And then I saw, I saw this woman and there was three children on her left-hand side and a man on her right-hand side. And there was two girls and a boy and like God was telling me like, this is what I have intended for you. You know, this is what I have for you. And you just, you have to trust me. You have to like go and just allow me like to heal you. Like, like go on this journey with me. And that day I decided, okay, I am not gonna cut my hair any longer. I'm just gonna let it grow. And it just started with a small step because it was more like, I'm just gonna be obedient. Like you showed me something and I'm just gonna be obedient by just letting my hair grow. And that happened because I didn't even have a haircut at all for four years, but it was part of me just being obedient to the Lord and spending time with Him in that secret place. And it has shifted me. Now I, you know, I ended up going back to school after so many years for biblical ministry. And I was even led to hungry Jen and I didn't even know what hungry Jen was. I had heard about a different evangelist and through that on YouTube, I heard about Pastor Vlad and, but I never knew he was a pastor of this church. And now I am one of the interns and I've had the privilege of being able to experience this program, a lot of the teachings. And not only that, just found like a family and brothers and sisters in Christ, just loving on each other and more healing and deeper healing. And it's been a great journey so far. He continues to work and it just amazes me how much he just, he's always patiently waiting, just wanting us to say yes, that now I feel the actual joy, now I feel peace, now I don't have voices in my mind like thinking about suicide, depression, anxiety. Like I'm more at peace and I see things in a more beautiful way. If any of you guys are watching this video, if you guys have felt or felt or been feeling that depression, that loneliness, that desperation, that you just feel like you're sinking, like you're drowning, there's confusion, you don't know who you are. You feel abandoned and rejected by the world. There's one person that will never reject you, never abandon you, which is Jesus Christ. You will find life, you will find joy, you will find love and peace in him. And there's nothing else you can do and run and strive for in the world that you will find that fulfillment because there is no fulfillment without him. He is that missing piece that you're hearting and that's been craving and been needing. And I just wanna invite you guys that if you guys have not given your life to Christ, that if you guys have felt like you guys been backsliding or just confused and lost, that you invite him in your heart and your life and allow him, allow him to live in you, allow him to love you and to show you who he really is and have that personal relationship with him. So if you guys can repeat after me, Lord Jesus, I invite you into my life. Forgive me of all my sins. Please come and live in me. Help me. Show me who you really are. And just change me in whatever way you want me to be. In Jesus' name, amen.