 The utoris in the studio, minapenda mape, minapenda kuske stories are our say And you can imagine, I am super psyched up for this conversation Karibuni sana I really love love and I love hearing stories of people who come before us in marriage You know, you welcome, probably tell us because I've called you the utoris I don't know who wants to speak for their family But you can probably tell us your individual names I am a sub-missive woman She's a real lady of the house but she's tough My name is Denisha's utori Amazing Yes And my name is Alice Jen Gwara How long have you guys been married? Two years, we are clocking in three years this year Ah, amazing Where did you guys meet? What story were you met? We met at the box We shared tips We look at each other again We love to start This is the part I love about Kapo Where you ask something and they have to look at each other No one wants to start No one wants to speak But yeah, please tell us, where did you meet? We met in church We go to the church That's where I met Alice Gwara The love of my life That's where the journey began I found her in church I was not in that ministry I came in as a guest So I saw her That look So she has that ghost look Spend time with her through the ministry And let me say what you meet to her Is that she is such a giver And also I can give you testimonies of her Because she used to even at times stress over That she doesn't have money to give to someone Every person in church can tell you That she used to give them gifts For every birthday she can donate it to each mother For every person, as in no one in church Has not been given gifts by her So that hat over giver I saw that hat over giver Andi, when was the first time you noticed him? I took time Yes, I took quite time And it's until he said it When I noticed, oh, so it's there So when was the first time you noticed him? When was the first time you noticed him? Because he was like, wow, my 19th anniversary mama I used to see him come He said he was a guest I used to see him come in church But I never really interacted with him Until we Our pastor directed us to go for a conference To sit down I think it was Andrew, Mark So I went there early So I was looking for any face That is from the reconciliation at the cross And I saw him I usually see him but we've never spoken So I It's come to an end So I spotted him sitting somewhere And I said, ah, that must be someone from Ratsi So I went there and asked him If you have seen any other members in Ratsi And then now it's the first time I ask him When he said it's the initials And I laughed at him Because I couldn't believe He is such a Tamu has a name like Delicious Yeah Because it sounded delicious Yeah So he showed me the ID Then I asked him how long he has been there That's the first time I encountered him now I didn't see him the way Maybe he would have wanted me to see him Yes And I think that's also the first time he saw me And it registered in its mind That this is the one For me it didn't register at that time Yes So it's until it came And one time told me I used to ask you Why do you Escort me to the stage Like what's the reason Like I don't get it I don't get it I've been going to the stage All this time And nothing happens to me So why do you always insist on doing that After church And I think I also got aggressive And I'm like no You can't do such things You just don't come into something Yes And you do such things And it's like you're not expecting Anything in return So I demanded what are you expecting And I was also Assuring him that I hope it's not something serious Do what something serious Why? Because I told Jesus I wanted to be with you Ten years I told him give me ten years lot Yes And I told him about it So that's when he said We have feelings for you And I ran Yes I ran away Climbed my mother to a tomb Delicious When was that? When did you first ask her out? Let me say Because she looked like she's tough You still remember me When I asked her There's a time I used to ask her out At that particular time There's a time I asked her out On all those days when Escorting That I wanted to data At least we have a proper one A sit up But as she told you The time I told her about her feelings She just hiked Amma 3 And went away Because she was that person That doesn't want to waste time Yes Because you want someone who can Hang around Someone who is not serious So after I asked her She said she was a subgroup I didn't give up Because it's something that happened at church At church they usually bring People to talk to couples And other people like singles They brought up a program And they asked Have you ever done a DTR Like you tell people You tell the person What you want The goal What is the goal of this relationship What is the goal of What you want to do So they don't waste someone's time Because there are people who stay with people Like 3 years You've not told the lady What you want Ya So it's like you're taking the lady for a ride So they came and told us The couple are called Wasongas They came and told us about that Have a DTR Tell the person What do you want Ya So when you learned what you wanted After you were in a system What happened He came With another shock He told me What I wanted to say that day Before you ran away Was that I wanted to be my wife So he never asked me To be his girlfriend So we jumped from We have jumped from We have jumped from She does not want to begin Like we hate to say what's up To wife Ya So I had let it before So the theme of Girlfriend, boyfriend Felt like it wasted a lot Of my time And I didn't want that anymore And when he said He didn't use the word I wanted to be my girlfriend And rather use I wanted you to be my wife I thought again he's serious And I was like Sometimes God speaks to you And you feel like God you're too serious about So I was again scared But They are beautiful kind of scared Because I was like wow He's serious And I told him let me think about it Ya And then he thought about it See the rest How long did you think about it? I took like 3 months And actually Now when I came back after those 3 months And now he called And told me now I want to meet you So that it's been 3 months now So that we talk about this And when you met You told me I'm still here And even if you say today again I give you another time I am going to wait Because I am not changing my mind And again I said Is this the serious Lord? What do you do? Ya So I said ok Like I said Afraid Afraid But in it with God I said if God is doing this with me Then I am in For this And that's how we started our journey Of 6 months to our wedding Wait 3 months You're telling me I'm going to go through your mind I love the reaction of your wife You know that in my mind I was thinking Why is she taking longer? Because I really I was so serious about it I was not joking as in 2 people I was thinking of This other lady and this other one I had focused on her And so I said I'll still keep my focus But I know it was not easy For me But what I just did is like I poured out my heart Before the Lord and that's it That's what she is the one I saw She is the one that I really want Ya So I didn't give up I said let me pursue her still Because if you want something you have to pursue The proof of desire is pursuit Ya you can't say that you want something Or you desire something and you can't pursue So I said I'll still pursue I'll not give up on that Hey Mekinu ulikta yaan doku We had time You just got to 3 months You just say at least 3 months It was not 3 months For me it was not 3 months It felt like I hear Ya I'm waiting So how was the Now after the yes How was the jammy from now Now she's Now not someone you Okay yes you're still pursuing But now she has said yes How was the transition in between now Between that time and the wedding time Ya The good thing in our church We usually have premarito classes So we just After she said yes I signed us up for that premarito class You didn't want to You didn't want to take chances I didn't want to waste time She might change her mind She might change her mind Madam might change her mind Ya I signed for premar classes Ya we started premar classes at church So how long did you do the premarito? We usually take for 12 weeks So that's about another 3 months Okay So in between the time How long did you guys date before Like now in between The praying Ya The courtship Because during premarito You were doing courtship And then now to the wedding How long was it? Then I tell Ladies are good with this Remembering dates I think We were still dating even when we were in Prima Because at the moment we live in Prima We meet and we talk about Things that we've been taught there Like handling conflicts Communication And all that And money I didn't like much Ya And we meet and talk about it And talk about our fears That's how our dates Look like and eat Eat very well And it's funny that anytime We were not figuring out something We'd go and eat And after eating So it was like a period of 6 months So the whole dating period was like 6 months Ya Ah amazing Okay So tukoku into tura jambil as much Date 5 years Tukoku tura janganya Because I mean it's working You guys have been married for almost Let's call it 3 years Ya So it's quite something So let me ask you A question that I know Both of you might not want to be honest with me But I want you to be honest What's that one thing If you knew about him You'd not have married him The one thing Umge jua Aki kukatia Umge kubali Honestly I'm trying to run in my mind I'm not seeing I think it's because we're already married I'm not seeing But I'll answer like this Marriage Is an institution With two very imperfect people United By God Delicia What do you mean? I think she's taken my answer Ya Because for sure You can say that When you're coming in together Marriage is that institution as she has said It's an institution that you Are not all of you are not perfect You have weaknesses I can wake up in the morning See something different about her So something that maybe Weaknesses that she has But one thing is this That love conquers that Ya because love covers a multitude As the word of God says Love covers a multitude of wrongs Or sin The same way as the way God loved us When God looks at us He sees there is a weakness But God looks over looks Because of his love Love covers So when I look at her I don't look at those weaknesses I know she has weaknesses The same as I do have weaknesses And she's the person she knows my weaknesses She's the only person knows my weaknesses More than any other person Ya but she has chosen to love me And the same have chosen to love her Ya So what's the One time You had a very difficult moment in your marriage What was the most What has been Like What was the most difficult thing about your marriage Something you encountered Let me say In the area of finances There are times that we will Like nearly sleep hungry Because you didn't have anything in the house So but she stood with me At that particular time There are times I felt like even I could have Even walked to work Because I didn't have any money Ya being with her So she was nearly walking Because we didn't have any money Amongst ourselves Yes we go to church We might smile People look at us and say These guys are doing very fine But at that moment we didn't have anything Ya but God has been faithful Through that journey I know that was a stretch I felt at that particular time Baby she can't tell us about the same Please, please tell us I think that's it actually But looking at it Our pastor teaches us about God being our provider So it's a standard in that We know that everything we have Is he's actually And he's the one who provides He's the one who gives us the Ability to make wealth And even jobs So when you remember that Like I'm certain Like I'm okay And then also another thing That we have Is the joy of salvation That knowing that There's someone out there Who loves you Who knows what you think And your worries Your anxieties And whatever is in your heart He knows And that kept me going that And that's why Before I love him We have to meet in the center Which is God And there are so many things That I take to God Before I take to him So that by the time I'm bringing it to him It was so imperfect when it was with me So it took it to God Then he made it perfect So I'm able to communicate it to him In an easier way Say wow Today was a tough one But God And there's peace there And he's also affirmed That I'm still there And remember that time I kept telling Chris I'm not being anywhere I'm still there And we have God And he's still here with us How was your first year of marriage? First day First year It was amazing You know the way they keep saying That all the first year I don't believe in those things though The way they keep saying I've had people talk about All the first year will be the most difficulty of marriage You're going too quarrel Because you're trying to fit into each other's lives I don't believe in that Because I'm like I mean we have been friends Then the pattern of God In the place of marriage So I would want to know from you You are believers And you've been a married couple How was your first year? We had a marriage We had a marriage And then suddenly We went to each other's places This is how I like my things arranged We had a marriage We had a marriage And I think that part Primarefa Kansli really helped us Giving us a view Of how it can look like And then now We are unique So that means It is also going to be different But in our own way How we want it to be Of course with God So sometimes Personalities will clash to Dogo And I think one time I think I was so used to Sleeping alone I think the first day In the morning I'm waking up I'm like what? Who is here? What is he doing here? And then I really Oh my God I saw a video Tiktok video yesterday Say the same thing The lady was saying It's so used to staying alone So long And then now you realize You're married and you have someone So the hubby woke up And woke her up But you were like What are you doing here? Yeah And also I think there's also a day I was going to the stage I used to go Single And then I remember Half way I'm like What? Where am I going? I'm married We are living somewhere else So I have to go there Figuring out those Times But it's been Apart from those differences And also knowing our differences And actually accepting it Because even in the premarital We keep referring to that Because that really helped us We were taught about personalities And how to It's called what? To gel Yeah to gel with each other Even with different personalities So that also helped us I'd see You had put something different Because when I was living alone I didn't know if someone was in my house Because I was like That thing was not there Why is it there? And all that And I had come We were sharing a room We were sharing our sitting And we were sharing our kitchen So there's definitely In all those rooms You will get something Has been changed Yeah And you're like Wow We are uniquely different And you have to breathe in Breathe out And accept that Yeah But it's been amazing And it's also adventurous Knowing him In that way Denisha Yeah How has it been? For that one year I had to like Align my mind and thoughts Because every time I would do something I would consult someone But right now I have to consult I don't do anything without asking Because now you are two of you You're not alone Now you've become one But you need to consult You can't do things without asking So I think I had to adjust my mind to that Because I was used to Make decisions Move along And do things alone But right now I have to make decisions But I have to consult Before I do the decisions That I make Yeah It was another journey Right now Learning those things Embracing it Ah amazing Do you have children? Not yet So between you two Who looks like the strict pirate? I feel like We should play the shoe game Yeah I feel like we should play the shoe game So let me find questions I would We break We do a nice breaker We should do a shoe game And then go back to the conversation Because of course now you've lived together Who is more likely to burn down the house When they are cooking dinner I think the look has turned you You Oh wow Okay Who looks like Okay we've already talked about strict pirate Who will survive longer On a desert in Thailand? No, one of you No, what Lekungu kwa kiaike desert Who will survive better? Who will survive better? She will take longer Okay So who's the spend thrift Between both of you So she is a finance manager Yeah Oh wow So who is better at keeping secrets She is So she will reasonably surprise you Make a note I will tell you everything I will tell you everything So Who is more likely to get injured in an activity? Who is more adventurous? When the bungee jumping When the ziplining Because she is Let me say sangwin She has that hype Anything that involves Adrenalin No Let me just say So who is more romantic? Ya mainly So you want to plan for candlelit dinner Oh wow amazing There's something that I had on my head I wanted to ask you Not related to this Why is it disappearing Why is it disappearing Okay anyway Who says sorry the first one In a conflict I do Okay You're getting points Who is likely to forget Birthdays and anniversaries Clearly we are same kuleina But you count months Who is likely to forget To forget To forget birthdays and anniversaries Ha And she looks like she is the one who keeps dates Not all She is the one who finds a nice show So who is likely to leave a dish in the sink? Ha Adrenalin Adrenalin Adrenalin Who makes better breakfast? He does I hope you will take notes I can say come on I hope you are taking notes Men are cooking breakfast for their wives And they are Actually I don't know how to say it Many love Learn from men we've got before you Who is the night owl She is She is a night person Who would rather be outdoors Who spends most time getting ready Of course Who takes the blankets? Who takes the longest showers? You again But what is it if men are taking showers forever? I think it's therapeutic or something We enjoy What are you always doing in those bathrooms? And then they will go to the toilet and they take long Ten minutes are better Then they dress in two minutes No, at least we save our time on your dressing Because when you guys are dressing, you take long Who will wash kids first? We already know who fell in love first We already know who made the first move And who planned the first date Who is more likely to stay long at work? So three years down the line What are some of the lessons you've learned? I've learned that love is not a feeling Love is a commitment Because a feeling will come and phase all out But love is a commitment that you're dedicated to the person For example, if you're coming into a commitment with someone or marriage It's a long time commitment You will see their weaknesses and whatever they are going through But you'll still say, I'm dedicated to this person Let me give a good example Like when God came to us He saw our weaknesses But he was still committed to us To the long haul Till the end The same way also That's why the Bible says in Ephesians 5 That you should last months love your wives As Christ loved the church So love is a commitment, it's not a feeling Because a feeling will phase all out Yes, like now we are saying valentine It will phase all out if it's just a feeling But if it's love, it's a commitment It's a long time You are there for the whole time It doesn't matter the situation with that person The feelings of that person How the person is You are there for the whole time What are some of the lessons you've taken down the line? I think first of all I say that God surprised me about myself I think before we got married I was worried How will I do this thing Also I got married at 25 So I was wondering How will I do this thing As I was growing up It was supposed to be like at 31 32, 35 you get You figure out your life And now it is I was quite worried Because I thought I'd not make a good wife When I got in I think I kept on relying on God Almost everything And it helped me Be a good wife To Him And sometimes it make it easy for me Because it comment And say good things I'm like I did that So I was learning About myself And about Him at the same time In this institution And yes It's amazing what I can do now And who I am now And like nothing is impossible Really With God I've seen that With our marriage Like nothing is too hard for God No matter where you're starting And how you're starting Like nothing Nothing is literally too hard for God For you in your eyes It may be hard But now when you look at Him And He makes things palatable for you And you're able to live from that And I actually also learned More about love in marriage And the way I said it's not just a feeling And I think that The way it has been portrayed to be a feeling That's what used to Make me feel like it's not serious Like why it's a feeling Because I can be sick today and tomorrow I'm okay And I'll feel some pain And then I don't feel again You get like it's fading So I didn't want something that fades And now when I got into marriage I got to know that it's actually a commitment Like this is a choice I made And I'm committing to stay in it No matter what With the help of Jesus in it And I think that's what made it so easy To do it No matter what Yes Amazing What is that one thing you wished They told you both of you As individuals before you got married I don't know baby we started with Alice again Let's start with the niches then I wanted to be told that You should be ready to sacrifice You need to lay down like yourself Because at times The way I was saying that I was alone Before meeting Alice But right now I've realized that I can't do things by myself You lay down things On behalf of your partner So it's a part of sacrifice That's something I needed to learn before But right now I can go because In the journey I've learnt to sacrifice To lay down my will And the times to follow To find something in her Alice What you wished they told you before you got married Alice was told that Submission is not suffering It was but It looked like suffering to me And in marriage I got to learn That it's actually not suffering It's actually satisfying When you actually submit to him It makes the work easier And Yes, I think that's it Submission is not suffering But what you do wish That young couples people Whether they are married Or whether they are getting into In their dating space What do you wish they would know about marriage Of course now we are starting with you Because Alice has said We start with you Getting to marriage Let me say When you are going to school Usually to do law or medicine People take years to study about it So also marriage So also to learn about it Take time like even listen to Read books Listen to things about marriage Go to those seminars that are being held Like right now there was a seminar Being held about marriage A seminar that King Leo Konko was here So we should take those things They are very key You are learning something It's like if you can prepare for Other things like law And those other things to practice Marriage is the only institution That you are given a certificate So it's good to learn Read books There are books that are talking about marriage Read about those things Because it will help you Because I've known also Knowledge is key Without knowledge That's why the Bible says My people perish because of lack of knowledge But if you can get prepared Learn Get other people that can mentor you In the same If you are desiring to get married You've seen people that are working Their marriage is working It's good to open up To those kind of people to mentor you Because you've seen also Like ourselves We have seen Our pastor Their marriage is working Also my parent My dad and mom They have stayed for long in marriage So I saw it They portrayed it to me This is how marriage should be What would you want a young couple to know? I think First of all I'm agreeing with them Fully Marriage is Usam And easy When done with God In it And Another thing is that We should know that marriage is It doesn't just happen It's happening Weh We're going It's work You have to put work in it The same way when you're pushing yourself To work You also have to work On your marriage No matter what Yes You have to put in work You don't just appear And look pretty And see pretty And wait for things To work And It involves It's not all about you It's about you And this person That you're getting married to And God He is in the story And You see Like the way today You guys have called us here It means So You have to first find Why are you getting married To that person Why do you even desire To get married Where is the desire coming from Is it just to Have a title over Mrs Or a mister Or a husband Or a wife Or there is a purpose That God Dropped in you And dropped in him And now you come together To fulfill it The purpose has to be there I remember one time When we were Going to get married And we met with a friend Of us called Eli Hongonga He's from our church as well So I remember he asked us Why are you getting married And where we sat And thought about it And What I said And what he said Actually Aligned And That's what now We were running with We have a papa In this marriage And he tells to work Because there's a papa God has placed in us To fulfill In this earth Now before we are transmitted To our place With him in heaven You know Yes, we will be a brother And a sister Yes Like there's a papa So if you start it And there's no papa In it Like Not really a gold But a papa That God has put in you Then It's going to crumble Because There's nothing you're standing on Even just a word That you're standing on Yes Amazing Thank you so much for your time Thank you so much for coming Thank you for sharing Your story You know, it means I'm not married I love listening to couples I'm not married yet But I love listening to couples Who've gone before us Who've gone before me To know Their lessons To know The things they would Which they knew So that I learned from Their mistakes Do you want to tell each other Something? No, nisiku yama pezi We can finish it up Or that's not here The nishas You don't have something nice To tell you, right? You have just asked I will go to you guys To tell each other Something nice It's been in time Love you Alice You are my best friend And I thank God for you I thank God that you are That jewel that God gave to me That gift that God gave to me And I treasure you I don't take you lightly Lightly You are so precious to me I don't take you small Small You are precious to me And I value you And I thank God because There's so much potential That God has put inside of you That I believe that God Is bringing out Even as we're spending time together You're so special Love you Alice No Very fun You even made me Get out my phone To start taking videos I am busy taking videos For the couples Alice please do us the honors Yes I'm glad doing this with you You know When you are talking to the person Look at them Yes, I'm very happy That I'm doing this with you Today And this is one of the things That I think we signed up for When you got married And here we are And I'm here to stay I give Yes And I love you very much I consider your feelings I still desire To continue being your wife Yes Happy Valentine's Day But as I said We are tissues Can you guys give me I think our director Forgot tissues We Because the love is loving I can thank you so much We But although it's from your People We are single We will start with a couple And you are single And they are loving each other And you have to feel Like a third wheel My director is saying That he wants me to watch a story Anyway Thank you so much It has been I am so happy Thank you for making time We really appreciate you Thank you Alice Amesema She still desires To keep being Denisha's wife And Denisha has said He is happy He is doing life With Alice But If people like this Are doing life And they are winning I don't know why You think you can't find love And you can't win It doesn't have to be today It doesn't have to be on a Valentine's Day You don't have to do What people are doing out there Make your story yours And make it unique Bottom line It is yours It is not anyone else's story Do not touch that dial We are coming back With more