 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's toasted to taste better. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste, yet it's the toasted cigarette. Friends, this is Don Wilson. If you're not getting all the enjoyment you should be getting from your present cigarette, switch to Lucky Strike and see for yourself how much more real deep down smoking enjoyment you get from Lucky's better taste. A Lucky Taste Better because it's the cigarette of fine tobacco and it's toasted to taste better. It's toasted is the famous Lucky Strike process that tones up Lucky's fine, naturally good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better, cleaner, fresher, smoother. Yes, find out for yourself. Buy a carton of better tasting Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby and yours truly, Don Wellman. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does another television show, but right now it's radio time. So let's go out to Jack's house in Beverly Hills. As we look in, Rochester with the help of his best friend, Roy, is cleaning up the house after Christmas. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Now, Roy, if you'll get up all the wrapping paper, I'll pick up the ribbons and twine. Okay. Say, Rochester, I noticed that a lot of these boxes that Mr. Benny's gifts came in still have the price tag on them. Oh, those? Those are gifts from the people who worked for him. Why do they leave the price tags on them? The price tag is about six months of arguments. Now, here's a box that hasn't been opened yet. I know, lots of people haven't come by to pick up the presents. I'll put it in the pile behind the tree. Okay. Well, careful you don't tip it. Yeah, don't worry. Say, Rochester, what's that little package lying on top of the pile? Let's see. Oh, that's Mr. Frank Remley's gift. And what's the big package on the bottom? That's Mr. Remley. Why is he gift wrapped? He keeps better that way. Say, Rochester, what did Mr. Benny get from his neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Coleman? They gave him that chair over there in the corner. Gee, that doesn't look like much of a gift. The chair looks so dull and drab. I know, but it gets muddy lively when you plug it in. You mean... Yeah, that thing hanging over the top ain't no reading lamp. Rochester, you're kidding, aren't you? Yeah. I thought so. Say, Rochester, next week is New Year's Eve. You got any plans? Yeah, I got a date with Susie. Say, that reminds me, Susie spoke to me about you the other night. She did? Yeah. She says that you two have been going together so long she's kind of disappointed that you haven't proposed to her yet. Well, Roy, I thought about it a lot and... Well, I've been with Mr. Benny so long, I'm a confirmed bachelor. I've picked up too many of his ways. Well, but you ought to think about getting married, you know. You're not getting any younger. I'm not getting any older either. That's something else I picked up from Mr. Benny. Yeah, I know what you mean. Mr. Benny keeps rolling along like old man river. Say, how old is he really, Rochester? That's something I'll never tell anyone. Well, I know he's not 39. Can't you at least give me a hint about how old he is? Well, all I'll say is, if they do his story on this is your life, it'll have to be an hour program. Man, what a spectacular that'll make with Indians and everything. Oh, good morning, Rochester. Oh, good morning, boy. Now, Merry Christmas, Roy. Merry Christmas to you too, Mr. Benny. Would you like some breakfast, boy? No, it's so late and I'm quite hungry. What can you fix me for lunch? Well, I can get you some sliced turkey, cranberry sauce, candied sweet potatoes, turkey, dressing, and gravy. Is that what's left over from Christmas dinner? That's what's left over from Christmas dinner. That's what's left over from Christmas dinner. Is that what's left over from Christmas dinner? That's what's left over from Thanksgiving. Do you want me to answer the door, Mr. Benny? No, Roy, I'll go. You help Rochester. Merry Christmas, Mr. Benny. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Well, Joey and Stevie, my little beavers, Merry Christmas, boys. Mr. Benny, it is our pleasure, as the duly selected representatives of the Beverly Hills Beavers Club, to come here and present you with this gift for which we all chipped in and bought you as a token of our esteem. Oh, boy, this is very touching. Of all the many nice things that happen to me this Christmas. This is the nicest. Come on in while I open it. Oh, gee, a pair of hairbrushes. Isn't that nice? I thought it was stupid, but they voted against me. Well, boys, come on in the next room. I have a gift for all the beavers. Gee, thanks. That's swell. By the way, Mr. Benny, don't forget your promise to come over to the Beavers' annual party for giving this Friday night. Oh, I'll be there. You know, this year we're going to have girls and we're going to dance with them and play spin the bottle in post office. Gee, I bet you can hardly wait. Yeah, I want to see what's so great about it. A present from me to the Beavers. Gosh, a printing press. And what a big one. Boy, the Beavers will love this present because now we can print our own newspaper and bulletins and circulars. Yeah, and maybe next year we'll even be able to make Christmas cards. First hallmark, now them. Merry Christmas, boys. Merry Christmas, Benny. Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, in the last meeting we decided to raise the dues next year to ten cents a week. Ten cents a week? I thought it was stupid, but they voted against me. Let me see it. Oh, my goodness, I forgot to deliver it. I better do that right now. Who's it for? Ed, the man who guards my vault. I'll take it to him right now. I'm going down to my vault, Rochester and I'll be right back if there are any calls for me. I'm going out across the bridge over the moat. Gosh, look at those alligators. They make wonderful guards, especially this one right under the bridge. Hey, what's that swimming behind her? Oh, my goodness, I must call Luella Parsons. She's had a blessed event. Isn't that cute? Now I gotta get into my vault. Yes, it's me, Ed. Oh, nice. Did you come to put some money in the vault or to take some out? Neither, Ed. This is a social visit. It's Christmas. Yes, and next week it'll be New Year's. Gosh, another year's gone by already. That's right, Ed. It'll soon be 1955. Nineteen? Yes, Ed. Now, I just came down to give you your Christmas present. My, this is exciting. May I open it? I wish you would. Gosh, just what I've always wanted. An umbrella. Yes, it'll come in handy in case a pipe ever breaks. Well, I gotta get back, Ed. See you soon. Goodbye. Gee, that Ed is always so nice and pleasant. Never complains or anything. I think the next time I come down, I'll lengthen his chain. Were there any calls from me? No, but while you were down in the boy in the den. Oh, oh, I'll see what he wants. Now, hello, Maylan. Merry Christmas, Jack. Same to you. Jack, the reason I came over is your producer suggested that we do this tune on the show this week and I wanted to see if you like it. Let me see the music. Hmm. Well, it's topical. What do you think? I'm not sure. I'll hum it to me. Da, da, dum, da, da, dum, da, dum, ding, da, dum. You know, Maylan, you'd save yourself a lot of trips over here if you'd learn to read music. Well, I would, but I don't want the boys in the band to think I've gone high hat. Well, that reminds me, Maylan, I wish you'd tell the boys that from now on, whenever we do a broadcast, not to bring their friends and haven't sit up there with them on the bandstand. Oh, they're not friends. They're parole officers. That's what I mean. See if you can do something about it, will ya? Excuse me, Maylan, I have to answer the door. Jingle bells, dum, dum, ding, dum, dum, dum. Merry Christmas, Jack. Merry Christmas, Don. Come on in. Hello, Merry Christmas, Maylan. Same to you, Don. Did you get a lot of presents this year? I'll say I got the greatest collection of wild ties and gaudy sports shirts you've ever seen. I shall be busy all next week exchanging gifts. Me too. People certainly send ya silly things, nothing. Yeah, unless they know ya very well, like my wife. She's the one person who gave me a useful gift. What'd she give ya? A side of beef. No. Yes. Don, a whole side of beef? Were ya able to get it in your freezer? I don't have a freezer, so I made a sandwich. Your front lawn must look like an elephant's graveyard. Oh, say, Jack, here, I brought this over for you. It's a record of a song by Dennis Day. A record? Yeah, I dropped by his house and he has a cold and he asked me to bring this over so you could hear it. Gee, I hope he feels all right. Oh, you'll be okay. Let's hear the song. Put it on the phonograph, Don. Okay. Hey, Dennis's cold is worse than I thought. Don, you forgot to wind it up. Now go ahead. Okay. No, I'll get it. You just keep doing what you're doing. Thanks, I'm rested. Someone trying to reach me around the studio? Yeah, but since you gave me it was very original. Well, I knew you had earrings and bracelets and beads and a lot of jewelry. So you gave me a jar to keep them in. Yeah, but first eat the mayonnaise. It's delicious. You treat us like human beings. Most people aren't nice to us at all. Oh, now wait a minute, Gertrude. You don't go talking like that. No wonder you and Mabel have inferiority complexes. We haven't any complexes. We are inferior. Merry Christmas to you too, Gertrude. Okay, Don, let's go. Hey, where's Maylon? Oh, well, Rochester, I'll be back in time for dinner. Mr. Benny. Huh? Did you forget to thank Mr. Wilson for the gift he gave you? Oh, I'm glad you reminded me. Don, I want to thank you for that lovely sunbeam toaster you gave me. You're welcome, Jack. I was wondering if you needed one. Need one? Before we got that, we used to toast our bread with genuine sunbeams. Never mind. Come on, Don. I'll be back in time for dinner, Rochester. That's such a nice day for this time of year. It certainly is. And I love to walk, especially on a sunny day, you know? Well, Jack, look at that beautiful bird on your lawn. He's hopping over to us. Come on, Bernie. Come here. Lucky strike means flying tobacco. I want to try something. Bernie, listen to this. If you want better taste from your cigarette, Lucky strike is the brand to get. It's toasted to give you the best taste yet. It's the toasted cigarette. This is amazing. Look, he's flying away. You think he'll come back again? Only if he needs work. That's the only bird I've ever seen with a mustache. I'd better hurry over to Dennis Day's house. Say, Mother. Gee, Mother, I wish I could get rid of this cold. Well, if you'd only take this medicine, Sonny would help you a lot. But I don't like that medicine. Are you sure it's good? Certainly. When I was a working girl, I always used to take it. Did you have a lot of colds then? All the time. I guess that was on account of where you were. That's right. The only time I ever got any fresh air and sunshine was when John L. Lewis called a strike. I don't feel like taking that medicine because... Let me feel your head and see if you have any temperature. Do I have any? Well, it is a little warm around the point. I'll probably be up in a day or so. Son, shall I get you another hot water bottle? No, thanks. I already drank three of them and I don't feel any better. Oh, for heaven's sake. Now she tells me. There's someone at the door. Well, hello, Mrs. Day, Merry Christmas. What do you want? I've come to cheer Dennis up. Laughing hyenas. Well, for your information, Mrs. Day, a laughing hyena doesn't really laugh. What sounds like laughter is just a peculiarity of the hyenas' vocal cords. Well, it takes one to know. Look, Mrs. Day, I didn't come over here to... Hello, Dennis, how'd you get your cold? Oh, last night, I went out all over town seeing Christmas carols. That's you! She, Dennis, is awfully stuffy here. Shall I open a window? You can't. I nailed them all shut because I walk in my sleep. I didn't know that. Yeah, one night last week I walked all over town. I finally wound up in the brown derby. Boy, was I embarrassed. Well, I should imagine with all those people there and you and your pajamas. Who wears pajamas? Gosh, that must have been awful. Yeah, Gus, the manager threw me out because I didn't have a tie on. Well, I don't blame him. I brought you some soup. Mrs. Day, that's a hot water bottle. He likes it that way. Well, I better be going. Goodbye, Dennis. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Oh, by the way, Dennis, you haven't thanked me yet for the Christmas present I gave you. You call that a Christmas gift? Look, Mrs. Day. My Dennis has been with you over 15 years and after all that ticket for a lousy... But on Saturday, it's a dollar and a quarter there. Anyway, it's not the gift that counts. It's the sentiment behind it. Because the poor kid is sick and all I get out of it is insults. I've been very good to him all these years and you should be the last one. Jack will be back in a minute to tell you about his television program which goes on at 7 p.m. tonight over the CBS television network. But first, here's a word for anyone who enjoys a good cigarette. If you want better taste from your cigarette Lucky Strike is the brand to get It's toasted to give you the best taste yet it's the toasted cigarette they take fine tobacco is light tobacco is mild tobacco too and it's toasted yes, it's toasted because the toasting brings the flavor right through so to get better taste from your cigarette Lucky Strike is the brand to get It's toasted to give you the best taste yet it's the toasted cigarette I guess everybody knows Robert Montgomery was for years a famous movie star and now he's a star in television. Matter of fact, his TV show is sponsored by Lucky Strike. He told folks that he didn't have to smoke Lucky's for that reason but he does anyway. Let me give you his own words on the subject. I smoked Lucky's and have for years. I like the way they taste. Yep, those are Robert Montgomery's own words and they sure make a lot of sense. Lucky's do taste better. They taste better because L.S.M.F.T. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco fine light naturally mild tobacco and then that fine tobacco is toasted. Yes, it's toasted to taste better. It's toasted. The famous Lucky Strike process tones up Lucky's mild good tasting tobacco to make it taste even better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother so the very next time you buy cigarettes friends, be happy. Go Lucky. Make your next carton Lucky Strike. Remember, it's toasted to taste better. It's me, Rochester. How's Dennis Day? Oh, he's all right. Want me to get you something to eat? No, I don't feel hungry. Gosh, I don't know what to do. I think I'll just sit here and watch television. Okay. From Television City in Hollywood, the Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Oh, my goodness, that's me. I'm supposed to be on TV in a few seconds. So long, Rochester. Yeah, I want to miss every of my show. I'm going to be so good tonight. See you in a minute, folks. The Jack Benny show tonight was written by Milt Josasberg, John Takkeberry, Al Goldman, Al Gordon, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks. Filter smokers, new tobacco taste, real filtration, famous Tarleton quality. They're all yours when you smoke Filter Tip Tarleton. Filter Tip Tarleton gives you all the full rich taste of Tarleton's quality tobacco and real filtration, too. Because Filter Tip Tarleton incorporates activated charcoal, renowned for its unusual powers of selective filtration, look for the red, white, and blue stripes on the package. They identify Filter Tip Tarleton, the Jack Benny program is brought to you by the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes.